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Yuu doesn’t know how it happens. He doesn’t even know when it happens. It’s not a split-second, life-changing epiphany. It’s more like the swell of the ocean—a deep feeling that seems impossible to encompass. It creeps in and ebbs away like the tide, slowly coming closer and closer to the shore, closer to consuming Yuu whole.
It scares him when he’s eventually aware of it, finally able to put a name, a face, to this insurmountable emotion that takes him prisoner. Scarier than when he had first learned to ride a bike, scarier than when one of the moths in the attic almost flew into his mouth. Scarier than the first powerful serve he had dug out. More terrifying than anything he had ever faced before. Love.
Yuu is in love. And it hurts.
It hurts so badly that he wants to tear his own heart out and question its motivations, ask it why him, why now, why not her? Why is love so confusing and painful, so exquisite in its torture? Because one day, he’s doing somersaults over how beautiful, how stunning Kiyoko is, shocking his heart (and his libido) into beating, like waves crashing against cliffs. And it stays that way, his devotion to the team’s manager, it stays strong. Until it seemingly doesn’t anymore.
And he has no idea why.
When did Asahi start catching his eye? When did Asahi’s quiet anxiety and understated presence start to become more endearing than Kiyoko? When did Asahi, in his sweat-stained practice shirt and shorts, hair askew, become so breathtaking? One tiny smile on Asahi’s face after he lands a spike, or a larger grin while fooling around with Daichi and Suga, and Yuu’s breath stalls in his lungs. His lips itch to turn up, and his hands crave to cradle Asahi’s face and share in his happiness.
It aches, in many ways. It aches to mourn his affection for Kiyoko, which while still existing, has dwindled down from the burning passion he used to feel to lukewarm embers. It aches to question his own feelings, what feels like his own existence. Was it fine, what he was feeling? Would grandpa approve? Would Ryuu still be his friend? What would Asahi think? Oh god, what would Asahi think! It aches to have his thoughts scramble around his head, throwing themselves against the sides of his skull, creating questions and headaches that he can’t resolve. It aches to wonder whether Asahi has seen Yuu, really seen him. Does he think of me? Does he watch me smile like I watch him? Would he agree to be mine?
Yuu wonders. He wonders aloud in his room, quietly at the dining table, and screams his questions in his head while he sits at his desk and daydreams about Asahi. He wonders and thinks and dwells and cries. And throughout it all, he tries to act as if he’s still the happy-go-lucky boy he used to be, all while the weights on his shoulders are dragging him down, down, down.
And it’s naive to think that no one will notice. Chikara and Kazuhito give him more than one questioning glance, silently asking him what’s going on? But when Yuu shakes his head and directs his gaze forward, they give each other shrugs and leave him to his problems.
Ryuu and Hisashi give him a little more trouble to shake off. They’re dogged in their pursuit, cornering him by the vending machine, chasing after him when classes end, and prowling around the gym, waiting for him before morning practice. He evades them for a while, but eventually, he feels fit to burst with how much he wants to tell someone, anyone, about the mess inside his head.
The next time Ryuu asks him what he’s thinking about, he says it. They’re sitting on the stairs leading up to the clubroom at lunchtime, and he just says it. Just blurts it out, not giving a single thought to the other second years sitting only a few feet away.
“Asahi! I’m–” Yuu swallows. “I’m thinking about Asahi.”
Ryuu crinkles his nose and leans in, asking, “What about Asahi? Is something bothering you? Is he bothering you?” Ryuu sounds disbelieving at the last question.
A smile cracks across Yuu’s face. He shakes his head and waves the concern away. “Nah, man. You know Asahi. He couldn’t hurt a fly. No,” here, Yuu’s face grows solemn, “I…I like…Asahi.”
Ryuu’s eyes grow wide, and he sits motionless for a moment before jerking back so quickly he almost falls off the step he’s sitting on. “You like Asahi?” he almost screams.
The rest of the second years whip their heads around at the shriek. Their eyes are like brands on the side of Yuu’s face, but he swallows and responds, “No, I love him. I’m in love with him.” Yuu’s heart is pounding so hard he can feel it in his skull, and it’s a little hard to breathe. His eyes flash up from his lap when a hand clutches his knee. It’s Chikara. Yuu locks stares with him and spends what seems like an endless amount of time trying to center himself in Chikara’s steady, brown gaze. It’s honestly a little reminiscent of the stability Daichi radiates, and even in the midst of his personal crisis, Yuu spares a moment to appreciate what a good future captain Chikara will make.
Chikara’s hand on his knee squeezes, and Yuu takes a deep breath, coming back to himself. At Chikara’s nod, he says, “I…love Asahi. And I have for the last couple months, at least. I’m not really sure how it happened, and I don’t really know where to go from here.” He exhales after finishing and wilts a bit, letting his back rest against the step behind him.
Kazuhito shakes them all out of their stupor. “What is it that you like about Asahi? And…do you still like Kiyoko, then?”
“Well, I still like Kiyoko as our manager and hopefully as a friend, but I don’t really see her in a romantic way anymore.” There’s a pause, as everyone processes. “On the bright side, Ryuu, my man, you won’t have to worry about competing with me for Kiyoko’s affection anymore!”
That startles a laugh out of Ryuu, and he looks so bewildered that it sends everyone into semi-hysterics. Yuu has to lean against Chikara and Ryuu to keep himself from sliding off his step, and Kazuhito and Hisashi aren’t faring any better. Hisashi keeps gasping for air, a hand clamped against his side, trying to say something about a stitch.
The hilarity peters out slowly, and the serious mood that resettles is almost tangible in its weight. “About Asahi,” Yuu starts, “He’s…just so kind, and even though he gets super nervous and in his head, I can be there to help him be confident in himself.”
“And he’s…he’s beautiful,” Yuu breathes.
“Beautiful?” Hisashi questions.
“Yeah, beautiful. I didn’t realize until recently, but Asahi’s so beautiful. He’s handsome too, but there’s just something about him when the light hits him just right, and he’s…gorgeous.” A part of Yuu used to wonder why Asahi doesn’t receive more confessions, given his height, good looks, and maturity, but now Yuu thinks that Asahi’s charm is just understated. He is a heavenly being, but maybe that only shows when the sunlight hits him right.
When Yuu turns to look at the others, he sees them exchanging glances, and oddly enough with Hisashi and Chikara, some yen. “Do you guys think it’s weird?”
Ryuu speaks first, blunt and honest as usual. “I mean, it’s a little odd because I thought that you still liked Kiyoko up until literally just now, but, honestly, who gives a shit, right? It’s not like you’re hooking up with some random dude, it’s Asahi, and you’ve always had some sort of secret bond with him.” He pauses and shakes his head a little before continuing with a smarmy grin, “If you wanna practice kissing again like we did that one time, I’ll still kiss you, but now I’m definitely gonna say no homo after.”
Yuu breaks out into laughter, practically cackling with joy. “Full homo on my part, bro!”
Chikara smiles on benignly before saying, “If either of you try to kiss me, I’ll report you to Daichi for sexual harassment. I don't need to catch whatever clown disease you both have.”
Yuu and Ryuu exchange a grin before jumping up and pouncing (gently) on the other second years. Amidst the wild hair-ruffling and play wrestling, Yuu shouts, “You’ll never escape us! Second years stick together!”
Kazuhito tries to crawl away from the dog-pile, but Ryuu’s instantly there, crowing, “Where’s your baldie camaraderie, Kazuhito?”
It takes a while, but eventually they tire out. They’re all left sprawled out and panting on the steps, and before anyone can recover, there are footsteps coming up to the stairs. They freeze as the footsteps stop and a stern voice rings out.
“What are you all still doing here?” Daichi. It’s Daichi. Possibly the worst person to have found them lingering an hour after practice ended. His face is cloaked in shadows from the sun lighting him from behind, and he looks like he’s about to become Yuu’s worst nightmare.
There’s a split-second of stillness before everyone’s a flurry of motion, kicking up dust as they push past Daichi (and each other) and race through the school buildings.
A startled shout follows them, but they keep running, snickering breathlessly and trying not to trip. They’re almost falling over each other with every step, but it’s the most Yuu’s felt like a kid, like his age, in a while, and it’s a welcome relief. If only his worries could get the hint and take a hike.
It’s a week later, after much anxiety and many discussions, that he comes to a decision. He’s going to confess to Asahi. And it’s going to be the best confession Asahi’s ever received. Go big or go home, right?
For a while, Yuu had no idea what to do for the confession, whether to just come out and say it, or to get him a gift, or what. Oddly enough, it was Hinata who solved the issue.
Yuu had taken him aside after morning practice and filled him in on the situation, wanting the support of his favorite kouhai. (And given Hinata’s and Kageyama’s odd tension, Yuu had a feeling he wasn’t the only one coming to realizations about love.) Hinata had absorbed everything he'd said, leaned in close with his head tilted to the side like a puppy, and after, opened that (sometimes) genius mouth of his, and out popped the perfect idea. Yuu was honestly a bit shocked, first at Hinata’s pinpoint accuracy, and second that he hadn’t thought of it himself.
“Shouyou, are you sure you’re in Class 1? I think maybe you’re supposed to be in Class 3 with Kageyama. Because that was amazing.”
“Thanks, Noya-san!” Shouyou beamed at him before sprinting away, calling over his shoulder, “Gotta tell Kageyama that you said I’m smarter than him!”
Yuu didn’t know what to say to that.
So, after much planning, Yuu goes to school one sunny Friday morning, armed with his purchases and ready to conquer the world (and one very tall man). This way , he reasons to himself, if Asahi says anything other than yes, I’ll be able to go home and cry my eyes out over the weekend. And everything will be back to normal on Monday!
Yuu makes his move after school, collecting his things and racing out of the classroom like a whirlwind. He finds Asahi on the third floor of the school, speaking with one of his classmates and wringing his hands.
“Asahi-san!” Yuu calls. Asahi flinches before turning to peer over his shoulder. Yuu starts waving. “Come here, I have to tell you something!”
Asahi runs a hand over his face before turning to go gather his belongings, waving a hand at Yuu when he urges him to be faster.
“What did you need?” Asahi asks as they’re walking downstairs to the back courtyard.
Yuu glances at Asahi from the corner of his eye, observing the serene expression on his usually anxious face. It warms Yuu, the way that Asahi seems to relax around him. Even if Asahi’s anxious almost all the time, at least he likes Yuu enough that being near him is comforting.
“Noya?” Yuu startles when Asahi’s voice comes from closer than before, turning to see him leaned in and peering at him, concerned.
Yuu feels his face warm at the proximity, and his gaze flicks away from Asahi. “Ah, just zoned out for a second. Sorry about that! I just wanted to talk to you about something really quick, so let’s go to the courtyard! And…we’re here!”
Yuu pushes open the door leading out to the back courtyard and holds it open for Asahi, gesturing him through with a grin and a sweeping gesture. It’s only when they’re both standing in the hot afternoon sun and facing each other that Yuu feels the nerves kick in. He clamps his clammy hands together and scolds his brain for not sticking to the plan. This confession has to be the coolest thing Asahi’s ever seen!
Asahi quirks a brow, and Yuu quirks a shaky smile in return. He takes a quick breath before announcing, with his arms wide open, “Asahi-san, I’ve brought you here to tell you something super important!” He opens his mouth to keep going, but it’s like his brain stalls in place. Nothing is coming to mind, his uber-awesome speech has been wiped from memory. “Uh…”
“Yuu, you know you can tell me anything, right? I’m here for you.” Asahi looks so nice and understanding that it makes Yuu want to cry big, manly tears.
“Yes, um…I like you, Asahi-san!” Yuu blurts out. His hands fly up to his mouth, clapping painfully over his reddening face. Well, the cat’s out of the bag, so Yuu starts to word vomit his confession. “W-well, I mean that I really like you! Not as friends! Like I want to hug you and hold your hand and go to Sakanoshita together! And when you get tired, you can lean on me or I can pick you up! And I can braid your hair before games because I’ve been practicing with Saeko-neesan, and, and, I just want you to be mine!”
Yuu’s panting after basically shouting all of his feelings at Asahi, and he feels lightheaded. His hands had fallen away from his face at some point during his rant, and he clenches them at his sides as he waits for a very shell-shocked Asahi to respond.
Asahi seems like a statue, frozen as he slowly reboots. Eventually, he starts blinking again before ducking his head and rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. “Ah, I had no idea you felt this way.”
Yuu stares at him. Asahi stares back. Yuu’s numb, just waiting for more, but when Asahi seems to be done talking, Yuu’s frustration makes him ask, “So you don’t feel the same way?”
Asahi visibly panics, his eyes wide and hands flapping all over the place as he rushes to say, “No! I do feel the same way! I like you too, Noya!” He’s turning as red as the poppies in the courtyard’s garden, and Yuu can’t help but find everything about him endearing.
Yuu feels an incredible warmth radiating from his chest, spreading to his face, his arms. His fingers and toes tingle, and he feels the biggest grin forming on his face involuntarily. Finally, it gets too much to hold in, and he lets out bright laughter, overjoyed and feeling a thousand pounds lighter.
He runs forward, slamming into Asahi and wrapping his arms around him as tightly as he can. He feels Asahi rock back a little before curling forward hesitantly to hug him back, tighter and tighter as the seconds pass. Yuu feels a tear slip out of the corner of his eye, but it’s quickly absorbed by the soft cotton of Asahi’s sweater. He rocks them side to side gently and says, “I’m so glad. I’m so happy right now.”
The arms around him squeeze tighter for a second before they loosen enough for Asahi to look down at him. Asahi looks absolutely angelic, sunbeams breaking over the crown of his head, and his long hair framing his face beautifully. His eyes lock with Asahi’s, and Yuu feels like he could study the sight for the rest of his life and still not be able to fully appreciate it.
His hands are on Asahi’s shoulders before he even knows it, pushing gently. Asahi goes with the motion, leaning down, down, down, until his nose is bumping into Yuu’s, and his breath puffs onto Yuu’s lips. Yuu gazes back at Asahi for a moment before nudging forward, touching his lips to Asahi’s. There’s a sharp intake of breath, and Yuu can’t tell who it comes from before there’s a steady pressure against his lips, warm and tingly and welcoming.
Asahi’s lips are soft and smooth, and the stubble on his chin tickles and scratches Yuu, but he doesn’t mind. The two of them move slowly, achingly slowly, testing the waters and moving their lips cautiously. Yuu’s hands clench the fabric of Asahi’s sweater, and his nose bumps into Asahi’s as he angles his head, but it’s the best thing he’s ever felt. Contentment blooms within him, so visceral that he swears he can feel it tickling at his fingertips. Tingles spread down his spine.
Their mouths part with an audible pop when Yuu absolutely needs to breathe again, and he leans his forehead against Asahi’s as he gasps. His eyes flick upwards to catch Asahi’s, and he’s barely gotten his breath back when he demands, “Let’s do that again.”
Asahi’s nodding like a bobblehead when Yuu kisses him again.
It’s a little later when they’re sitting on a bench, facing each other with their legs stretched out and entangled. Yuu’s legs cradle Asahi’s, his feet occasionally nudging the outsides of Asahi’s upper thighs. Yuu’s hiding his hands behind his back, grinning at Asahi when he tries to peer around Yuu at what he’s holding.
“Close your eyes, Asahi-san!” Yuu laughs, “I’ll count to three, and then you can open them. Okay?”
Asahi grumbles an affirmative and slouches back, closing his eyes with a sigh. Yuu chuckles at the sight he makes, a pouty gentle giant, and brings his hands out in front of him. He feels a sense of anticipation as he counts slowly. “Three!”
Asahi’s eyes snap open, and he stares down at Yuu’s lap. “Ah. Thanks? This…back brace? Will help me…a lot.”
“You’re welcome! I know that it’ll help you a lot! Sometimes your posture is really bad, especially after practice. I wanted to get you something that you could use everyday, and it’ll remind you of me when you wear it!” Yuu holds out the back brace to Asahi, desperately trying to keep the shit-eating grin off of his face. He almost feels bad, seeing Asahi so confused and still trying to be excited for his sake, but he’s no angel.
Asahi’s peering at the back brace with a considering look on his face, testing the sturdiness of the material when Yuu loses it. He cackles with glee, laughing so hard that he’s wheezing like some sort of asthmatic seal, hands clutching his sides and eyes tearing up. “A-Asahi,” Yuu wheezes, “that’s not really what I got you.”
“Oh.” Asahi sounds oddly disappointed and somewhat scared, but he still looks up when Yuu brings a case out from his bag.
“Ta-da!” Yuu sings, unzipping the case to show the forty count set of colored sewing threads. He sets it down on Asahi’s legs and rubs the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “I remember you telling me about how you’ve been really interested in fashion recently, and since your mom got you the fashion sketchbook and lent you her sewing machine, I thought that you should probably have some different threads to use.”
“Yuu,” Asahi whispers, “this is one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten.” He looks up from where he’s been reverently running his fingers over the different spools. “Truly. Thank you, Noya.”
An embarrassed shrug is Yuu’s only response. “You deserve it.” He peers up at the other boy.
Asahi’s beaming. An answering grin steals across Yuu’s face. And as he sits there in the sun, feeling the warmth caress the tip of his nose, the crown of his head, and watches it blanket Asahi like a glowing aura, he thinks that maybe he wouldn’t mind staying in this moment forever.