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Annabeth Chase can’t do this. She doesn’t know how to do this. Her heart is beating sixty miles a minute and she’s sure she stopped breathing two minutes ago. But then a flash of the future streaks across her mind and all her nerves are replaced by fear and it is enough to resolve her.
She knocks on the door of Percy’s cabin and reminds herself over and over again that she wants this. That she wants to live her life. To be free. Not tied down by, by—
“Annabeth, hey.” Her boyfriend smiles at her and her heart soars, sinks, hardens.
“Can we go for a walk?”
Her face is tight, but she attempts a smile as he agrees and closes the door behind them.
She takes a deep steadying breath trying to work out how to say what she needs to, how to break the news to her best friend of five years. His eyes are so green, so full of love, and wonder, and she is going to— of gods if she thinks about it she’ll chicken out. So, taking another deep breath, she rushes out with her plan to go to New Rome with Piper. And when he asks when they leave, when he assumes he’s part of the trip, she cannot hold back a wince.
“No Percy,” She can see the confusion etched in his face but her mind clouds with the fear of staying, of continuing her life here, of commitment and she doesn’t falter as she explains her need to break away, to live her life freely.
“You want a break from Camp or me?”
She is hit in the face with the idea that they could be separate. She may have been at Camp Half-blood since she was seven but ever since Percy arrived they had always been inexplicably intertwined. He was as much a part of her life here as the cabin checks or the dinner in the dining hall. Part of the experience.
Then he strings together those fatal words,
“Do you want to break up?”
And her hold world shatters like crystal glass, like brittle steel, like her heart. Hearing them is a punch in her gut and she doesn’t know if that’s what she wants. But she knows with increasing certainty that she can’t see herself living here with Percy, can’t see herself getting married and having children. Not when she hasn’t even gotten the chance to be a child.
She ignores the tears rolling down her face and tells him she needs to live without feeling like something is trying to kill her at every turn, she needs to be safe, for once.
When he falls to the ground she crouches down in front of him and says “Maybe someday— maybe someday we will find our way back.”
His green eyes are blazing with hurt, anger, confusion. “I am not lost.”
But I am, she thinks. She doesn’t have the heart to tell him so, to see his heart break altogether so instead she kisses his cheek, muttering a final goodbye.
And when she is far enough away, when she is certain no-one will hear her, Annabeth bursts into sobs and she doesn’t stop crying until the sun waves goodbye.
Her and Piper leave the next morning, her heart heavy, like a lead weight in her chest, but she knows she needs to do this, so she does not look back. Not even once.
***
A year later Annabeth Chase steps into the grassy hill of Camp Half-Blood, her skin golden, her smile wide, and her blonde curls blowing in the breeze. New Rome was unbelievable, was unmatched. Her architecture-heart weeped at the world that surrounded her, at the cathedrals and cobbled streets. And her seven-year old spirit giggled and jumped at the gelato.
Now she is back, she is….. home?
Her first stop is to her cabin where she bear hugs her siblings and laughs as they relay the events of the year. She can’t summon the courage to ask about Percy and nobody volunteers information. But she tunes out the curious little voice in her head, focusing on her friends.
It is an afternoon of catching up and relaying stories and generally being together. New Rome was beautiful but she had missed these people, missed their easiness, missed that they knew her without effort.
They eventually all go down to the dining hall where they enjoy a rowdy meal with even more exciting tales as the other camper, her friends, learn she is back and come say hello. She can’t help but notice the empty Poseidon table. She ignores the prick of disappointment, focusing on the present and Clarisse’s story about an archery session going awire.
When dinner is over and everyone escapes to their various spots before turn in she takes a solo walk around camp, re-familiarising herself with her home. As she’s heading back to her cabin she hears the clash of metal from the training room. Odd, since it’s pretty late for people to be on there. Stepping into the room, she is unprepared for the scene before her.
There, sword tipped against a chin, is Jason Grace and Percy Jackson.
“I win again Grace.”
“I let you win.”
Percy scoffs, his signature smirk wicked as he withdraws Riptide and swings it casually to his side. Annabeth’s heart clenches at the familiar expression.
“Keep telling yourself that pretty boy.”
“I’d rather hear you say it.” Jason’s voice is low as he pulls Percy towards him by the hips.
Percy cups a hand to the blondes cheek, and Annabeth bites her lip to hold in a gasp as she realizes what’s happening, what has happened, what this means.
She starts to back away but Jason catches the movement from the corner of his eye and he stops Percy softly, mumbling something. They both draw their swords and advance cautiously.
“Who’s there?” Percy’s voice is dark, a growl in his throat.
She thinks about running, but what is she hiding from?
So she steps into the light, hands held high in surrender.
“Annabeth!” Percy gasps and then he’s running towards her, lifting her clean off her feet in an embrace.
“Hello Percy,” She smiles, “Jason.”
“How are you? You look amazing!” Green eyes are bright with excitement, happiness, friendliness.
“I'm— I’m good thank you. How about you guys?”
“Butt-hurt about losing to this one.” Jason pouts.
“I’ll make it up to you.” Percy teases, winking at the blonde.
“When did you get back?”
“This afternoon,” She mumbles. She can’t be here, she can’t do this.
“Well we should definitely catch up soon! I’ve got to train the little kids tomorrow but how about the next day? We could go for a picnic in the strawberry fields, just like old times.”
All she can do is nod her head. Words are cargo on a ship lost at sea. She can’t breathe. How did she think she could look into those ocean eyes and let go?
How did she think she could look at his expressions, ones she can read like blueprints of her heart, and move on?
Why did she ever leave? Why did she leave him?
“You okay?” Jason’s voice is faraway.
She attempts a smile, “You guys have a good night.”
And then she’s sprinting out of there, running until her legs are screaming at her to stop, until her lungs no longer know the taste of oxygen. She collapses on the moonlight sand and heaves out a sob as it hits her what she has done.
She was afraid to commit to Percy, afraid to sign her future away but those fears were minuscule, insignificant to what she feels now. Because she’s lost him. And that confirmation is the worst fear of all.
Annabeth Chase stares as the waves break on the shore and feels her soul crack in half. What has she done?