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It’s just an average Saturday morning when Kyungsoo hears a blood-curdling scream pierce the air from where he sits in bed, watching a movie on his phone.
He pauses for a beat, identifying the voice as his boyfriend’s.
Yep, still an average Saturday morning.
Baekhyun screams again but this time closer, and that’s the only warning Kyungsoo gets before the door slams open with a dramatic rattle that echoes in the room. The little fairy lights Baekhyun insisted on putting up on the walls twinkle. As if they’re saying, ha ha, have fun with that~
Without lifting his eyes from his phone, Kyungsoo says, “Yes?”
“It’s big.”
“... What’s big?”
“It’s big and hairy and—“
“You’re really going to need to specify, because this is starting to sound like—“
“—there are so many legs,” Baekhyun sobs, clutching the door knob like it’s life support. “It’s a sp- a spi-“
“Mhm.”
“Please kill it. I can’t kill it.”
“I can’t kill it either.”
“Kyungsoo...” Baekhyun is at his side now, sitting on the bed with all the dramatic anguish Kyungsoo is sure he can muster. “I’ll love you forever. Don’t you love me? You said you loved me.”
“Not enough to deal with a spider for you.”
“Doh Kyungsoo, if you make me call Chanyeol I’m breaking up with you.”
At that, Kyungsoo looks up. Baekhyun stares at him. He sighs. “Okay. Where is it?”
Beaming, Baekhyun jumps up and grabs his hand, tugging him down the hall to the living room. This is suspicious already. Is the spider really that big? Kyungsoo doesn’t mind bugs that much, but he likes to avoid them in general. Especially big bugs. Those are nasty to clean up.
“It’s... it’s there.”
Kyungsoo draws his eyes up. And, oh.
That’s a big bug.
“I was just eating my cereal and then I saw it,” Baekhyun says, hiding behind him. “It’s big, isn’t it? And it moves really fast, too. I really hope it doesn’t have babies, Kyungsoo. It’s so fucking ugly I want to cry.”
“I am not killing that thing,” Kyungsoo says.
Baekhyun clings to his arm. “But you promised!”
“I didn’t promise. I’m not killing that thing on our ceiling. I don’t want to clean it up.”
“I’ll—“ Baekhyun gags “—I’ll do it. So just kill it.”
Kyungsoo considers that for a moment. No... knowing Baekhyun, he’ll say it and then leave it there. They’ll have to find a different solution. “Get me a plastic cup.”
“You’re going to let it live?” But he’s going to the closet obediently, eyes glued to the spider that still hasn’t moved from its spot.
“I need a chair,” Kyungsoo says, going to get one. “It’s too high up.”
Jeez, Baekhyun should have just called Chanyeol. Kyungsoo stands on top of the chair while Baekhyun stands to the side nervously, looking about ready to bolt.
Kyungsoo lifts the cup.
The spider lifts its leg.
Oh.
In the next second, the big, hairy, many-legged monster drops on a thread, and Kyungsoo screams. Baekhyun tries to catch him, sees the spider fall, and screams too, dodging the living projectile while Kyungsoo lands heavily on their carpeted floor with a loud thud. His glasses clatter to the ground. He can’t see. Then he feels something move on his face and Baekhyun, god bless the fucking asshole, picks up a book.
“And long story short,” Baekhyun says to Yixing, exactly ten minutes and thirty two seconds after the entire ordeal, “I hit Kyungsoo in the face with my physical therapy textbook and that’s why we’re here.”
“That’s...” Junmyeon, who had to hear this story because he just so happened to be with his boyfriend when Kyungsoo and Baekhyun burst into his apartment (they live next door), says, “That’s really... like you guys.”
“A textbook?” Yixing asks, finishing applying medicine on Kyungsoo’s forehead. “Was it a hardcover? It looks like it was a hardcover.”
“It was a hardcover,” Kyungsoo says emotionlessly. He hasn’t looked at Baekhyun for the past ten minutes.
“Babe, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.” Baekhyun has the aura of a kicked puppy, but Kyungsoo can’t find it in him to feel forgiving. “I love you.”
“Whatever.”
“Did you end up killing the spider?” Junmyeon asks. When he gets his response in the form of tense silence, he backtracks. “Never mind. Forget I asked.”
“It’s all done,” Yixing says, stepping back.
“Thanks, Yixing.” Kyungsoo manages a terse smile and takes out the keys to his and Baekhyun’s apartment. “I’m heading back.”
“But there’s still a spider!” Baekhyun says, hurrying after him.
“At this point,” Kyungsoo says, and his forehead throbs in agreement, “I don’t give a shit.”