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“Stop calliiiiinnnnggggg,” Derek groaned as he listened, once again, to the incessant buzzing and beeping of Aaron’s phone. He pulled the blankets up over his head and let out a miserable whining sound, willing Aaron to get out of the shower and answer his damn phone. Normally Aaron’s always ringing phone didn’t even phase him, (his only rang marginally less, but he’d turned his off days ago), it was just a fact of existence and something he had to accept, but when he’d spent all night awake throwing up with his face in the toilet, he just wanted to throw the thing out the window. He was on day three of this hellish sickness and he was absolutely over the phone ringing. It never stopped. Another blasted ring and his arm snapped out from beneath the blankets, grabbed the phone and pulled it back into his hole. It was Garcia.
“Woman,” he grunted into the phone before realizing what he’d done. She let out a burst of laughter.
“Oh, sugar, you know you shouldn’t be answering his phone if you’re trying to keep things quiet…where is he, anyway? He’s got a meeting with Chief Strauss in an hour and we have a lot to get done before she comes by. He was supposed to be here early.”
“Shower,” Derek said, rolling over miserably, feeling every aching muscle and groaning joint acutely. “I’m sick, kept him up all night the last two nights, he’s getting a late start. Sorry mama, he’ll be there soon.”
“I’m sorry you’re sick. Big strong man knocked down by a tiny little itty bitty virus, nature’s a wild ride. I’ll bring you some soup later.”
He moaned. “No, no soup. No food.” She chuckled a little to herself and told him she’d come by with gatorade instead and he seemed at least open to that idea. Aaron stepped out of the shower as he hung up the phone and Derek mentioned that he’d answered it, but in his defense it was ringing non-stop.
“How are you not sick too?” Derek asked, watching Aaron unzip the garment bag and slip into his suit like it was a second skin. Nimble fingers flying over the buttons and tying his nicest tie, the one he only brought out when he had big important meetings. There wasn’t time for much discussion, Aaron just said he was feeling fine and gave Derek a kiss on the forehead before grabbing his bag and heading out the door. In truth, he wasn’t feeling stellar himself but he’d manage, he had a lot to talk to Chief Strauss about that couldn’t wait. He was relatively sure he was just exhausted after two sleepless nights, but there was a nagging suspicion that it was more than that. He ignored it.
His meeting with Strauss went as well as could be expected, and as the day wore on, he started to feel hot around the collar. A little lightheaded when he would stand up and make his way to the coffee machine for just one more cup (was he at four now?) because that would wake him up finally. Dave invited him out for lunch, he wanted to get the details of the meeting with Strauss, but Aaron declined, he wasn’t hungry, was going to work through his lunch hour he said, too much to get done. Rain check, he’d said, and Dave gave him a funny little look but shrugged and invited Emily out to lunch instead. Aaron was usually Dave’s first choice, but he wasn’t the only choice. The coffee burned his tongue, it must have been a brand new pot but you wouldn’t know it by the taste, it always had an unavoidable bitterness like it had been sitting for days. It didn’t sit well and he found himself noticing as he signed reports that his hands were beginning to shake, his signature was starting to look goofy. Like a child trying to learn to copy its mother’s signature for field trips or report cards, just wrong enough to look hesitant. Someone might question whether his reports had been forged so he decided to close his door and blinds and lie down on the couch, set his alarm for an hour and see if he could catch up on some of the sleep he’d missed the night before. That would help. He sent Derek a quick text to say he was thinking of him before turning on his alarm and settling into the worn old cushions of the couch he’d spent countless nights sleeping on. It took him no time at all to fall asleep.
“Sir?” Penelope asked, startling Aaron awake. He was lying with his arm thrown over his face, fast asleep under a blanket he didn’t remember pulling out. He pried his eyes open with some considerable effort and squinted, disoriented and confused. “Sir, it’s time to go home, you’ve been sleeping all day.”
“I set my alarm…” he mumbled, running his hands over his face, rubbing at his tired eyes. She smiled.
“That went off hours ago, but you didn’t even budge and everyone in the bullpen could hear it so I just shut it off and let you sleep.”
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t sleep last night. Thank you Garcia.” He would mark the day down as a vacation day, a day wasted because he’d spent it sleeping instead of working. In a way it was like a vacation, and he had more than enough hours to spare. It was slow, methodical as he pushed himself upright, sitting now with his feet planted on the floor and as the first gentle wave of nausea washed over him he told Garcia she could go, to have a good night. She looked at him a little longer, suspicious, but he just gave her that soft little I’m fine smile and it was as much as saying you’re dismissed in Hotch speak. He waited there on his couch, hardly moving a muscle, until the entire place had cleared out before he made his way out the door. He knew he couldn’t go back to Morgan’s, he had to go home, Jack was home tonight.
The trip was uneventful, wonderfully so. He still felt tired, but he wasn’t entirely convinced he was getting sick just yet, his body sent mixed signals often. At home, he found Jack sitting quietly on the couch doing his homework, headphones on loud enough that he hadn’t even heard his father enter. Aaron tapped him on the shoulder and startled him, smiling at the shock on his son’s face. It was one of his greatest pleasures.
“You look like crap, dad,” Jack muttered, turning back to his book. “Go to bed.” Life with a pre-teen. Aaron shrugged and headed for the kitchen, dropping his bag on the counter and grabbing a glass of water. He gulped it down, feeling it slosh around angrily in his empty stomach.
“What sounds good for dinner?” Aaron called, and Jack grunted and shrugged, always helpful. If he was being honest, nothing sounded good to him and he should have taken that as a bad sign but he didn’t, he just rummaged through the cupboards and pulled out some rice to throw on the stove. Anything could go with rice, he figured. Jack was less than helpful as he tried to find something to have with the rice, so he just pulled some slightly dodgy frost bitten chicken out of the freezer and threw it into the microwave to thaw before heading into his room to get out of his suit. As he bent over to take off his socks, the second wave of nausea hit, dizziness threatening him until he was seated heavily on his bed, head in his hands until it passed. Just tired, he was too old to pull all-nighters. He finished changing into his track pants and t-shirt without further issue and kicked back on his bed, listening to the hum of the microwave from the kitchen. He had a few minutes, so he picked up his phone and dialed Derek, just to check on him. Their conversation was short, and Derek couldn’t believe Aaron wasn’t sick already but he said he was feeling better – Garcia had stopped by on her way home with soup and saltines, even though he’d specifically asked her not to. It was, of course, helpful.
“Garcia says you slept all day,” Derek muttered, crunching on a saltine mindlessly. “You sure you’re not sick?”
“I’m okay, just tired. I’m too old to stay awake all night,” he said, making mental note of the fact that Garcia ratted him out. Also that Garcia knew too much. Not that he could do anything about it, she was Derek’s best friend, but it was frustrating in some little, nagging ways. “I’m making Jack some dinner and heading to bed early.”
“Good call,” Derek replied, mouth full of cracker. Aaron smiled, mostly because he would never. Derek was so unabashedly himself and so free, and though Aaron was just fine being completely the opposite of that, he found it endlessly endearing. “I was thinking I might try to head out for a run in the morning, just a slow one through the park…if you’re feeling up to it, you should meet me there. I need to move my body, this laying around is killing me.”
“Yeah, that sounds good,” Aaron said, standing up and padding into the kitchen to get the chicken out of the microwave. The smell turned his stomach. The chicken was fine, though, it was his stomach that was questionable. “I’ll be there.” A few more reassurances that he wasn’t sick needed to happen for Derek to let him off the hook, to say goodnight. Aaron slipped the phone into his pocket and started cooking, asking Jack for help halfway through because he needed to sit down for a minute. Jack rolled his eyes and told his dad to just go to bed already, he could handle the rest. Aaron just sat down at the table and rested his head in his hands, closing his eyes, wiling the room to stop spinning.
“Seriously dad…” Jack muttered, throwing some frozen broccoli into the pan with the chicken.
“I’m fine, I just didn’t eat today.”
“Dad…” Jack scolded, and Aaron ignored him. He was as bad as Jessica, constantly badgering him about his bad habits. Once he had some semblance of control again, he stood and took over at the pan, finishing up by plating the whole mess. It wasn’t his finest offering, it was barely a meal, but it hit all of the important food groups he figured, and Jack was just going to cover it in some kind of hot sauce anyway so it didn’t matter. Aaron would eat his plain tonight, though the hot sauce did sound tempting. He had a feeling it would be a mistake. Just to round it out, he sliced up an apple and threw it in a bowl in the middle of the table before they sat down for their meal. Dad success. While they ate, Jack regaled him with stories about his day, his classes and the stupid things he and his friends did between classes and at lunch. Aaron loved Jack’s stories, his son was so different from the way he was in school, he was so much like his mother. He made it through dinner without incident and the two of them made short work of the cleanup.
“Alright, kiddo,” Aaron started and Jack picked up his backpack and his loose books, setting the pillows back onto the couch neatly. “I’m going to hit the hay. You don’t need help with anything?”
“I’ve got it, dad,” Jack said, smiling. “Feel better.”
“I’m fine, but thanks. Goodnight buddy.”
At 3am, Aaron woke in a cold sweat. He was used to that, he had nightmares often that left him drenched, but he couldn’t remember having a nightmare. It wasn’t often that he didn’t remember them. He slipped out of bed and into the bathroom, splashing water on his face. He was freezing, so he checked the thermostat next to make sure it was working and turned it up a few clicks, just for good measure. Jack would complain, but it would be worth it. Anything and everything to avoid admitting that he might actually be getting sick. He threw on a sweatshirt and thick socks, plugged in his heated blanket, and crawled back into bed. But he wasn’t sick, he was just tired and cold.
His alarm woke him at 6am, just enough time to shower and go meet Derek at the park. His joints ached and he felt dizzy when he stood up, but he stumbled to the shower with sleep still in his eyes and ran it as hot as he could manage. He found himself chilled to the bone, but it was likely just that he’d slept with his heated blanket on high and his body was adjusting to the temperature change. He wasn’t sick. The shower pelted him with hot bullets of water, drenching him, washing away every feeling of even possibly being sick. He never felt as good as he did in the shower. It was longer than it should have been, he couldn’t bring himself to get out yet, and when he finally did he realized he was running late so he rushed around pulling on his running pants and shoes, opted for a sweatshirt instead of a t-shirt even if the weather was nice enough. He drove to the park instead of running, he did have some (very small) concept of his limits and he was not feeling great, maybe even to the point of admitting that he might be coming down with something but it wasn’t there yet. He could manage a run. He’d shoved a granola bar into his face with his coffee, it didn’t taste good and it wasn’t sitting well but it was better than trying to force his body to move on an empty stomach.
“You don’t look too good,” Derek said, approaching Aaron. He, on the other hand, couldn’t believe how good Derek looked after the mess he’d been the last few days, but now he didn’t want to say it.
“Thanks.”
“You know what I mean…” Derek shook his head and indicated the trail. “You ready?” Aaron nodded. He wasn’t, he was suddenly feeling very apprehensive but he’d committed and he didn’t back down from a challenge, even a stupid one. They started slow. And really that meant Derek did, and Aaron felt like they could go slower because they were really just running at his normal pace instead of Derek being minutes ahead of him. The air felt refreshing flooding his lungs, wind whipping his face, and for a while things were good. As always with him, though, his timing was impeccable. They plodded along, careening downhill a little fast for his legs, and he could feel himself already starting to sweat more than he should have been for the amount of time an exertion so far, and his head swam dangerously. He blinked hard a few times to steady his blurring vision, shook his head, reached up to slap his own cheek a few times just to focus. They reached the bottom of the hill together and rounded the corner, but the uphill that came next found his legs unable to handle the strain at the current speed so he slowed down, pushing as hard as he could while Derek coursed on ahead and out of sight. Aaron climbed slowly, his vision fluttering in and out of focus, sparkling fireworks to black and white and as he crested the hill he found himself almost diving off of the path on legs that could barely support his weight. His knees were made of gelatin and he fell hard, trying to get as close to the garbage can as he could before his stomach decided it had had enough of him ignoring its anger. The first thing out was the granola bar and coffee, but it didn’t take long before everything else he’d ever eaten followed suit. There wasn’t much, to his benefit, before it was nothing but dry heaving and coughing wildly. Flashes of memories flooded his vision, high school parties in the woods, college dorms and alcohol poisoning on the front lawn, he’d been here before and it was always awful. There was no graceful way to throw up in public, but for a private man like Aaron Hotchner, it was absolutely mortifying. He could feel people passing by, making comments, asking if he was alright in passing to which he just grunted something resembling that he was alright, and the simple fact that they accepted it was comforting to him. Had anyone actually stopped, he might have lost his mind entirely. Besides, he knew eventually Derek would realize he’d dropped off and come back for him, or he’d just live here now, either one he was fine with.
By the time Derek looped back around, he’d pulled himself up to sitting with his back against the trash can, head hanging limp between his knees. His leg muscles were cramping painfully, calves tight and angry, thighs in full mutiny. Even his toes ached. Sweat drenched his sweatshirt, pulling the wet fabric up against his skin and bunching it in the crook of his elbow and at his side.
“I thought you were fine?” Derek asked, huffing as he came to a stop beside Aaron. “You don’t look fine.”
Aaron just turned his face up at Derek, and the look of complete misery on his features stopped Derek from saying anything else for a second. He plopped down beside Aaron and bumped him with his shoulder, trying to force a little levity.
“Give me your keys, I’ll pull your car around. There’s a lot just ahead.”
“I can finish, just give me a minute.”
“Dude. Keys. Now.”
Aaron dug into his pocket, rummaged around for his keys and threw them in Derek’s direction. They landed at his feet and Aaron, in a moment of complete and utter defeat, let himself slump over and lean against Derek. He wouldn’t admit he was sick, wouldn’t say the words, but the proof was a few feet away being picked at by a crow so he didn’t have much of an argument against it either.
“Stay here, I’ll be right back.” Derek wrapped his arm around Aaron’s shoulders for a minute, hugged him close and noted how incredibly warm and sweaty he was, he was radiating heat even through his sweatshirt. He knew it wasn’t a very accurate way to know if someone was feverish, but Aaron ran cold and he knew that much. “If you move, I swear to God…”
“I don’t think I could if I wanted to…”
While he waited, Aaron watched families walk by, kids pointing up at the trees to show off birds and squirrels and chipmunks. He found himself following every child’s instruction, looking at every single thing though his eyes didn’t want to focus. There were runners and bikers, a few skaters coming down the path, couples holding hands, it was getting busy as the morning wore on. It was a beautiful Saturday, the kind that made everyone want to be outside and all Aaron could think about was his bed. By the time Derek came walking back down the path with his water bottle in hand, Aaron was about ready to lie down and take a nap there in the grass.
“Let’s go, champ,” Derek announced, extending his hands for Aaron to take. He pulled his partner to his feet and felt him hesitate as he straightened his knees, swaying a little on unsteady legs. Derek cocked his head to the side. “You good to walk?”
“Think so,” he said, but they both had their doubts. He indicated for Aaron to open his mouth, dumped some of the water from his bottle in, and capped it back up. Aaron was dangerously pale, even his lips had almost no color. It only took a few steps before those doubts solidified and Derek huffed, shaking his head.
“We’re never gonna get there this way, how about I give you a ride?”
“I’m not a child, Derek,” Aaron muttered, rubbing his eyebrows with trembling thumb and forefingers. His exasperation was written all over his features.
“Coulda fooled me. Adults don’t go running around when they’re sick, that’s something children do.”
“So, you’re just going to…what…give me a piggy back ride to the car?”
“Sure. Yeah. You don’t think I can?”
“It’s...there are people here.”
“Yeah, and I’m not about to let you pass out in front of them, put your arms around my neck,” Derek instructed as he crouched down in front of his partner. Aaron looked around indignantly, willing the path to stay empty until this injustice his body had committed was past. With more hesitation than he’d ever had for anything in his life, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck, and soon he felt Derek’s hands behind his knees and he was up in the air, legs dangling. He hid his face in the crook of Derek’s neck, unable to show his face, and Derek was shocked at the heat from his skin. “For someone who never seems to eat anything, you sure do weigh a lot.”
“Put me down,” Aaron grunted and Derek laughed. He hiked Aaron further up his back a few times before they made it to the car, but they made it without issue and he’d gotten an extra workout in so he was feeling pretty good about himself. Aaron, on the other hand, looked like death warmed over. He climbed, without hesitation this time, into the passenger seat, put his seat belt on, and curled around himself. Derek slid into the driver seat and without a word began the short trip back to Aaron’s home. Aaron sipped slowly at the water, his stomach still churning angrily but he knew he was dehydrated.
“Is Jack home this weekend?” Derek asked as they found themselves stopped at a busy intersection, Derek peering down side streets to see if it might be smarter to take an alternate route. He just wanted to get Aaron home quickly.
“Shit,” Aaron muttered, pressing his hand to his face. He pressed hard into his eyes, total exasperation seeping out of every pore. Being sick was incredibly inconvenient. “I’m supposed to take he and his friend Brandon to a movie tonight and drop them off at Brandon’s house after.”
“What movie?”
“Not sure…didn’t ask. Probably something with super heroes. I’ve had to reschedule this twice already for work, I can’t do it again.” He was going to have to figure out a way to go, or pay Jessica an incredible sum of money to cover for him if she didn’t already have plans.
“I’ll take them. That okay you think? I can call the kid’s mom or something, prove I’m not a creep. I could go for a superhero flick.”
Aaron sighed. He leaned his seat back and put his arm over his face, blocking out the sunlight. “You don’t want to take a couple of kids to a movie, Derek.”
“Why not? Jack’s cool and it needs to happen. I can see your idiot wheels turning and no, you can’t do it.”
That was the end of the conversation. Derek wouldn’t be convinced of anything else. When they came walking into the apartment, Aaron insisting he was fine to walk after the ordeal at the park and nearly a whole bottle of water, Jack just looked at his father and shook his head.
“You’re not sick, huh?” Jack mumbled, and he had the look of disappointment written all over his face. Aaron felt worse than he had already. His shoulders slumped in defeat, hand pressed gently against his stomach, just willing it to be nice and not cause a scene.
“I’m sorry kiddo,” he muttered and Derek pulled him close, wrapped his arm around Aaron’s shoulders, and it was part protection and part comfort.
“You mind if I go see that movie with you and your friend tonight?” Derek asked, and almost instantly Jack’s face lit up. The hurt from the moment before vanished.
“Dad?”
“Of course.” Aaron forced a small smile, it was weak and fragile but he was glad Jack was happy. He’d been looking forward to spending that time with his son, it was his turn to feel the pang of disappointment.
Jack rushed off to his bedroom to get ready and Derek pulled Aaron toward his bedroom, intending for them both to take a shower before he left. He was sweaty and Aaron smelled like someone who got sick in the grass at the park, a shower would do them both some good. Derek decided they could save some time, and water, by showering together. It was just more fun, too, sick or not. Aaron leaned heavily against Derek, letting the water rush over them, his face buried miserably in the other man’s neck. Derek got out first and rifled through Aaron’s drawers until he found clothes that fit him, mostly. It was a challenge. He figured he might do well to start keeping at least a ready bag at Aaron’s house, Aaron always kept an extra bag and a suit in his car for nights he spent at Derek’s, but Derek didn’t like to have things just hanging around like that. He’d breech that topic another time.
“You good in there?”
“Mmm…” Aaron hummed, he’d decided to lie down in the tub and plug up the drain, turn his shower into a bath. He might live there. Derek brought him in a cup of water, forced him to drink it while he crouched there beside him.
“I’m gonna go call that kid’s mom, talk to her a minute, let me know if you need anything man.”
Aaron emerged from the shower like the Creature from the Black Lagoon just in time for Derek to need to hit the road with Jack. He climbed into his warmest sweats and realized that Derek had turned on his heated blanket for him already, found himself acutely aware of being undeserving of such a thoughtful human being and crawled into bed. Before he left, Derek left a glass of water and bucket beside the bed, just in case. He kissed Aaron on the forehead, and shut off the light but Aaron had already fallen fast asleep.
“He’s not sick…” Derek muttered with a wink as he shut the bedroom door and Jack laughed.
“He’s fine.”