Chapter Text
At some point it got hard to keep up. Ukai's boys had medical records unlike any kids he's ever seen. It was disastrous. Their physical health wasn't bad of course for a group of teenage athletes but everything related to mental health could not be properly described with a positive or truly neutral word. 'yikes', was the best way to possibly put it. The paper ranged from hearing impairments and past broken bones to mental disorders and conditions he's only seen for himself on western movies.
Takeda laughed nervously when he expressed his listlessness. He couldn't write everything he had to watch out for on his arm. Or anywhere that wasn't a notebook that couldn't fit his college thesis. So he'd just have to figure it out as this adventure went on….oh for fucks sake.
*
*
Kageyama yawned, staring out through the windows of the classroom. He was bored and spacing out, fidgeting with a pencil. The way he had to move his fingers and the way the pencil tapped rhythmically on the desk was soothing. He liked this type of thing until a ball of paper came flying at his head.
In fact he didn't register that the object had even hit him until a few seconds after. He paused his fidgeting to stare at the paper on his desk. Not the one of which was blank where his notes should be, but the ball. He set down the pencil to unfold the paper. He was horrible with english and even Japanese tripped him up sometimes, but this one wasn't so hard to understand.
His team were the only friends he had. The players and coaches who thought of him as a prodigy didn't count. He wasn't usually one to express emotions- aside from frustration or anger- in too much of an outgoing way, but as the room only grew in volume as the teacher gave the students a chance to discuss the subject matter of which he wasn't paying attention to, the desire to scream and lash out increased.
He knew who wrote the note. The girls and guys seemed to want to tease him for different reasons he didn't understand. But he did know for a fact that the nite was written by a girl in his class. So he did the logical thing anyone would do and approached the girl, unable to tune out the increased noise around him.
"What do you want?" She asked, clearly annoyed with him before five seconds had even gone by.
"Writing notes to people telling them to act like a normal person and calling them a slur isn't nice. Throwing things at people's heads is pretty rude too. You can have this back in case you want to throw it at someone else though."
The girl looks spalled to say the least. Probably wondering how this guy had the balls to approach her, nonetheless say something like that. She stands up. He barely feels her hand collide with the side of his face, but that's just because he grabbed her ponytail and pulled as hard as he could. Having your hair pulled is usually unpleasant so she screams. And the room gets louder. Then it doesn't. He gets the 'I want to see you after class' which always feels threatening when he's not in homeroom with Hinata. A few students giggle when he's sent back to his seat. As immature pricks do.
"You're very rude to the other students" is what his teacher decides to tell him. He only looks at the floor but can tell that he's being glared at intensely. "You can get into a lot of trouble for hurting another student, especially harassing a girl."
Usually he stays quiet during these lectures. It's always 'sit quietly' or 'you're fine' or 'prove it'. Prove it….what is he supposed to prove? Is he supposed to find a way to prove that his parents weren't around enough to notice his symptoms? That it wasn't until he was graduating middle school that they finally came to the conclusion of autism and yet it makes little difference in or outside of the house. People call his little stims, twitches, fidgets and tics weird and then go...be themselves. Everything they do is weird to him.
"I didn't harass her," he says. "She threw paper at me, calling me an offensive word! I returned the paper to her and she slapped me in the face, what did I do wrong? I responded to her, why am I in trouble?"
"You aren't supposed to hit girls, it's unbecoming of a young man! Besides you can't prove that she was the author of that note. Please refrain from violence, I don't want anyone else involved."
"But I-"
"No buts! Using Autism as an excuse for your behaviour is disgusting, especially when that's all it is! An excuse. Leave me classroom, Kageyama. I expect better from you tomorrow."
"I'm just-"
He's stressed, frustrated and overstimulated.
"Bitch," he blurts out. The teacher looks…appalled. At least he can see it now, although he refuses to meet her eyes
"Excuse me?"
His face flushes pink, his vision blurring. "It's just a tic…" he half mumbles. Another excuse. That's probably what she's thinking. He keeps his head down this time. It's hard to suppress it when he's under this much stress. A hand gently lands on his shoulder before he can freak out.
"Hey! Did something happen?"
He doesn't look up, but that soft, kind of shy voice let's him know that it's Tadashi. His hand is right below the nape of his neck rather than on the back of his neck because he hated the feeling.
"Fuck-"
Tadashi stifles a giggle.
"Good morning, Yamaguchi. I don't know what is so funny about this, but I'm just talking to your friend regarding his inappropriate behaviour."
"Ooh um- well do you mind if I steal him for now?" Tadashi asks, but it isn't a question as they lead Tobio away. Surely the teacher is done with them by now anyway. He was sure that she wasn't in the mood for trying to converse with him any longer.
"Bitch-
Tadashi laughs again, this time, not as subtle. Kageyama reaches over with his right hand and pinches Tadashi's side, pulling on the cloth and then lets go, rather satisfied by the resulting gasp and the almost inaudible sound of the binder retracting back against Tadashi's skin beneath the uniform.
"Ow, what was that for?!"
"You-" he pauses very briefly as his head decides to do a little, displeasing twitch. "You're laughing at my tics." He huffed.
"I know I know, sorry! But really, it's funny!" He leans over, wrapping his arms around Kageyama's neck from the side as he continues to walk with him. This action ceases quickly when he practically doubles over after being elbowed in the side. "Ow! Geeeez, I forgot about that on!" He laughs despite the minor pain.
That one made Kageyama chuckle a little though. He didn't mean to hurt him but seeing him laugh and hearing their lighthearted tone eliminated 95% of the guilt.
"You're a setter with a mean serve, stop laughing, your hits hurt!" Tadashi groans and stands up properly. They lead most of the conversation until they come across a familiar blonde.
"Tsukki!" Tadashi calls, walking quickly towards him with Tobio close behind.
Don't mimic, don't mimic, don't do it, please don't-
"Tsukki," more unintentionally than not, Kageyama blurts out the nickname, mocking Yamaguchi's voice. Tsukishima sighs, having an expression that simply read 'not this again'. Tadashi blushes, clearly realizing somewhat how they sounded. Now everyone was embarrassed. Kageyama makes a 'tch' noise, somewhat clicking his tongue. Tsukishima mimics it, but that was intentional. Tadashi glares at him, but only when the one struggling with his tics at the moment repeats the sound as he attempts to formulate a sentence but all that comes out of his mouth is "Fuck you," uninterrupted, followed by that same tic again.
That makes Tadashi laugh.
"Moron," like usual, words slip from his mouth without his consent
Tsukishima rolls his eyes. "Where's Hinata anyway?"
"I guess I don't have to ask you why the moron tic reminds you of Shouyo, but I don't know either!" Yamaguchi says lightheartedly.
"Um-" they're distracted by a soft voice which turns out to be Yachi. "He got in a bit of trouble...I think Noya-senpai did too…"
"Ehh? Trouble for what?" Tadashi looked surprised as if trouble was anything new in their group.
"Um, he was being really disruptive and restless and I think there might have been an anxiety attack somewhere in there too…" Hitoka answers. The blonde suffered from some social anxiety but always seemed pretty comfortable with them nowadays.
"Hinata or Noya?" Tadashi asks, slightly cut off by one of Kageyama's swearing tics again.
"Oh uh, Hinata. I don't know what Noya did, we'll have to ask later," he says quietly.
"Oh isn't that fun? Second meltdown party in a week and it's only Wednesday!" Tsukishima says sarcastically. The term seemed odd, but it was just a lighthearted term for their group comfort type of time. A time where too much had been going on or things were just too unstable. Things were always unstable.
__________
What's surprising upon entering the clubroom is that it's not as quiet as he thought it would be. That could probably be because Nishinoya was having a tic attack or because Hinata was having a panic attack. Either way the calming atmosphere was not there just yet.
Asahi was sitting on the floor with the libero in his lap, trying to keep him from hurting himself until he and his tics calmed down. The visible restricted twitches and slight jerks of his arms and face make him want to tic as well.
They choose to sit on the floor like everyone else, Kageyama sliding over to assist a struggling Tanaka calming down Hinata. Tobio gently taps his shoulder, at which he doesn't lift his head but moves his hands away from his face instead. Their teammate rivalry was equal parts fun and annoying. But right now he was needed.
"What was it?" He asked in a smoother version of his usual more monotone voice.
"Noise" Hinata does a hand gesture- or well, sign language really. "Yelled at."
They'd learned some signs and picked up some gestures, originally had been for Suga by the third and second years, but was expanded because of the mess of first-years. At this point Kageyama was so used to everyone else's behaviour that he wasn't sure why anyone found any of it abnormal. Not understanding his friends because they were in a nonverbal state was normal. Random blurts of swears, words and phrases were normal. Tobio and Noya accidentally hitting their friends was normal.
Watching someone relive their trauma in their head was normal. JSL instead of words? Normal. Occasionally having to force -but not really- food down Tsukki's throat? Normal. Keeping an eye on him and Noya to make sure they didn't slip to the bathroom right after eating? Very normal. Meltdowns, panic attacks, PTSD episodes, anxiety attacks, Adhd episodes, mental breakdowns, Dissociative episodes, manic episodes, depressive episodes, all normal to them.
Hinata shuffles to sit up against him. He's not crying so much, sounds more like trying to but not being able to breathe. He calms down eventually and goes quiet.
"Can you talk?"
He shakes his head. Not more than a minute later, Daichi comes in, half dragging Suga who is stumbling. This is the point where Kageyama realizes that there won't be any volleyball happening today. Especially not when their vice captain is an absolute wreck. Daichi sits with his back against the wall with the hysterical third-year against his chest.
"Daichi? What happened?!" Asahi exclaimed. Daichi sighs.
"Assholes, that's all." Hearing Daichi swear was scary. And kinda ho- wait huh? "Some guys were picking on him while he was in the hallway dissociating. Pulled their shirt and binder up at the end of class which exposed...all that. From what I got out of him, they tried pinning them to the wall in the boys bathroom and pulled their pants down. They made fun of someone trans by exposing their body and put them in a sexual situation they didn't want to be in. It makes me fucking sick," Daichi half explains and half rants.
"What else?" Kageyama asks. It seems to surprise Daichi to hear him say this.
"What?"
"What else happened?" The male reiterated. Daichi looked almost disgusted by his curiosity.
"Why would you ask what else happened? I'm not in the place to reveal the rest of that, it's far more private and personal-"
"But you just told us everything else."
"Kageyama."
"So what's the problem? Why only tell half the story? Why tell a story if it's not the whole story?"
"Kageyama, that's enough!"
"What do you-"
"I said that's enough!" Daichi moves to raise his hand to him but Tanaka is quick enough to grab his wrist before he can hit him.
"Come on, Daichi, goddamn!" Tanaka said, "Remember the whole talk about being patient with everyone? You're not excluded just because you're the captain. He doesn't know what you're implying and I'm sure enough of us got hit at home that we don't need to see it here!" The spiker snaps. It seems to take a second for Daichi to register the past minute and he lowers his hand slowly, particularly upon seeing the fear on his teammate's face.
"I...I fucking keep forgetting he's- I'm sorry. I didn't-"
Daichi reached over to touch him, but Hinata flinched from where he's sitting up against him. Kageyama's whole body was trembling. He was scared.
"He isn't finishing the story because it's more personal to Suga if they did something to his body. It isn't our business if he doesn't tell us now or later. That's all," Ennoshita said calmly from where he'd been quietly observing his disaster fire of a team. "Like- you telling people about what your home life was like but not telling them about...um...how your sister hurt you because it was really scary and more personal to you. Get it?"
Tobio nodded. He understood well enough, that hearing the explanation made Daichi feel even worse for being so quick to raise his hand to someone who had suffered from that kind of treatment. Even worse he would've gotten an earful from Suga later if he'd triggered him.
"And Daichi, about what you said…" Ennoshita tilts his head with a threatening look in his eyes. "The next person in this room who uses 'I forgot' as an excuse for disrespecting someone, disability or disorder, is getting slapped."
"How hypocritical of a mental abuse victim," Tanaka butts in sarcastically. Ennoshita puffs out his cheeks, thankfully unoffended as that didn't seem to have been the intention. He rolls his eyes and just says "Oh haha,"
"Ow!"
Chikara had reached the other side of the room in three strides and swiftly smacks Tanaka upside the head.
Finally though, Nishinoya is no longer being slightly restrained and is instead just sitting on Asahi's lap and trying to operate his phone correctly now that his tics had calmed down for the time being. Kageyama wondered how amusing it was to his neurotypical teammates -although very few- to listen to their vocal tics. And how hard they tried not to laugh. Noya laughed with them. Kageyama didn't find them as funny but didn't mind teasing back and forth with someone because of it. Or echolalia. That was an amusing Thing. Him mimicking Tadashi was a more or less regular thing.
Asahi, one of said neurotypical teammates, kept chuckling whenever a random, suddenly spouted word left Noya's mouth. In response, Noya seemed to get flustered by it but would just tease him back.
As if reading his mind, Tadashi asks "Hey, do you have a favorite tic?" While leaning on Tsukishima with a smile on their face. The blonde himself had clearly tuned them out a long time ago.
Kageyama thinks for a moment before answering "Moron," to which Hinata lifts his head for the first time since he got here. At some point he's come to be annoyed by the tic not present until a few weeks into being around each other every day. So about a month into their first year he'd become slightly agitated by the tic. For some reason he was less annoyed by it actually being directed towards him. "Or-" Kageyama does the thing that annoys his fellow first-years the most and mimics "Tsukki" which seems to pull Tsukki himself out of his daydreaming.
Tadashi blushes at that one again.
In response to the question, Noya whistles and clicks his tongue, a particularly annoying one to hear, but clearly more fun for him considering the way he smiles when he imitates his own tic. He's one of the few people he knew who would truly smile about something caused by his disorder.
"Chance ball!" Asahi playfully mocks him.
"Asahi!" Noya lightly hits him on the shoulder, huffing. Everyone else finds it in themselves to laugh a little. Hinata and Suga finally seem to actually be conscious as well.
"You guys are mean!" Noya pouted, poking Asahi again.
"Kenma has a cat tic," Hinata finally speaks up, his voice slightly raspy from crying but still very much him.
"Elaborate," Kageyama replies.
In response, Shouyou imitates the sound of a mewling kitten.
He wants to repeat it, imitate, mimic it, but he keeps himself quiet.
Noya doesn't.
Tobio sighs "Moron,"
"Was that a tic?" Hinata asks.
"No, he actually sounds like he has emotions when it's a tic," Daichi says. Hinata pouts in response to this logic, not that it's A lie, he just hates this truth. It wasn't a bad thing, more a playful thing, but that wasn't the point.
"Shouyoooo," Noya draws out the vowel, seemingly without previous attention, trying to force back a tic judging by the look on his face.
"Whaaaaaat?"
"Don't do that, it makes me- tch- wanna- wanna do it" he struggled very briefly to get through the sentence, trying to explain it while still having to focus on it. Tics kind of feel like habits sometimes. Little, quickly-learned habits. He couldn't unlearn them, though. Unfortunately.
"Just listening to you guys talk makes me want to go back to sleep," Suga mumbles, startling Daichi a bit.
"I can hear, but I don't listen," Tsukishima says, shifting his gaze over to his teammates who act as if they had just become aware that he was still in their presence. This was normal for them. 100% completely normal. Unconventional bonding and trauma bonding was just how the Karasuno volleyball team rolled.
Everything was hard on them. From too loud of a noise to a horrifying event. They had each other, though. It wasn't all that mattered, but it was all that mattered enough to them. They were all they truly had. That was….kind of the fun part.