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His voice through the phone was quiet, words very much to the point. “You need to listen to me.” Your breathing was quiet - it was the middle of the night after all - and you were trying to wake up. Why is Billy calling me at four AM after not speaking to me for weeks? “You need to be quiet and listen to me, baby.” Baby? He’s never… “I need you to grab that bag I keep in your closet, and meet me at the Anvil facility.” He hissed, the sound coming through the line clearly. “I need you here like ten minutes ago.” You paused, unsure of what to say. “It’s heavy, but you can lift it. The bag, I mean.” He groaned again. “Please come.”
The line went dead, and you sat up, the sheet pooling around your waist. This is bad, whatever is happening, it’s… he’s… You’d never heard Billy sound so desperate or so sad, and you were very worried. Slipping out of the bed, you quickly dressed, pulling on a pair of jeans, a tank top and a hooded sweatshirt - one of his - before shoving your feet into well-worn boots that had reminded you so much of Billy’s that you’d bought them without even looking at the price tag. As you moved through your room toward the closet, you sighed, wiping sleep from your eyes. “What’s going on, Billy?”
The closet door opened easily, and you leaned in, reaching out to pull the large black tactical bag from its resting place on the floor. Holy shit, this is heavy. You grunted, heaving it over your shoulder and turning back for the bed, where you set it down. I need to know what’s in here so I have some idea of what to expect. But the bag was locked shut - the main zipper secured with a small padlock. Immediately, you knew that the key was in Billy’s wallet, because you’d seen it multiple times when he opened it to show his license. Billy, what the hell is this that you’ve been keeping in my house?
You smoothed your hands over the material, trying to figure out what could possibly be in the bag, but all you felt were shapes. Shapes in assorted sizes, you realized as you tugged on the material, unzipping one of the outer pockets and sticking your hand into it. Money. There are stacks of money in here. Your heart was pounding in your chest as you realized what was going on.
Billy was running, and he was using you to deliver him his getaway bag.
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Fifteen minutes later, you slid your car into the secret parking area that he’d rented for his personal vehicle, cutting the engine and quickly moving to the trunk for the bag. He’s leaving. He’s running. He’s…. Before you could make it out of the small building, you heard a series of booms coming from the direction of the Anvil building. What the fuck? You kept the bag over your shoulder and ran toward the windows, watching helplessly as the Anvil facility went up in flames - one lone figure striding toward you purposefully. He blew up… it’s…
Before you could move, Billy had reached the building you were in, opening the door only wide enough to get through. You stared at him wordlessly, noting his unusually pale skin, his mussed hair and the hard glint in his eyes. You didn’t even try to speak, and yet when his eyes landed on you they softened as he stepped forward, closing the distance between you and wrapping his arms around your shoulders, drawing your face toward his chest. “You came.” He sounded surprised, sounded as if he hadn’t expected you to show up, and you didn’t understand why he’d even called if that was the case. “You came when I asked… because I asked.” Of course I did. He pushed you away by the shoulders and you realized that he was carrying a bag of his own. “We gotta go, the cops will be here soon.” Still silent, you nodded, letting him lead you back to the car. “Bags back in the trunk, I gotta lay in the backseat.” He pushed up the trunk, putting his bag down first and reaching out to take yours, lifting it with a wince. Is he hurt?
Once you were free of the excess weight, you still didn’t move, looking at him as he shut the trunk and turned back toward you. Pleading for him to explain what was going on with your eyes, you stared at Billy - at the man you were sure was leaving you - unable to speak. He ducked his head, the hair falling into his eyes and bit his lower lip, wrinkling his nose. As he looked up, he reached over, pushing you toward the door of the car and shaking his head. “Billy…” You finally whispered his name, but he didn’t respond, walking around to the other side of the car before he climbed in, his feet on the floor behind your seat and his body stretched out across the entire backseat, one arm behind his head and against the door as a pillow. What the fuck is happening?
You were both silent as you started the engine, easing the car out of the parking space and back onto the street. “Go to your parking garage. The one at work.” He sounded tired - so tired - and when you nodded, eyes on the rear view mirror as you merged into traffic, you saw that his eyes were closed, tears wetting his cheeks. The sound of sirens drew closer as you pulled away from Anvil - or what had been Anvil - and the interior of the car remained silent.
The few mile drive to your building’s parking garage only took minutes, and as the gate lifted for you to enter, you sighed, shaking your head as you waved absently to the night guard, who was engrossed in his book behind the bulletproof glass of his cube. I bet he doesn’t even know I’m here. “Where do you want me to park, Billy?” Your voice was soft and he didn’t respond at first. “Billy?”
“All the way up.” Closing your eyes briefly, you continued to drive forward, making your way to the top level of the parking garage and bringing the car to a stop in a corner of the open area - the one furthest away from the elevator doors. There were no cameras up there, and no one else was parked there either; you knew that you had at least an hour and a half before anyone showed up for work, and no one wanted to park so high up first thing in the morning. The two of you sat silently in the car, the only sound Billy’s breathing as he remained on his back.
You gripped the steering wheel tightly, your heartbeat normal, but at the same time, thumping in your ears. He’s going to leave, he’s going to tell me he’s gone, that something happened. You looked back at him via the mirror, not turning your head. What happened, Billy? He suddenly sat up, taking a deep breath and got out of the car, closing the door behind him. He circled around the front end, leaning against the chest-high wall in front of him, his head hanging down as he looked out over the city. I need to know.
You followed him, still silent, and moved to stand next to him, feeling the wind whipping through your hair. Though you were only six stories up, the wind was much stronger than at street level, and you felt a chill pass through your body as you hugged yourself, thighs pressed against the cold concrete. The two of you stood next to each other - only inches of space separating you, but it felt like miles. You’d never experienced Billy being this distant, and you had to wonder if it was because he was leaving, because he was ready to go, because - “I want to protect you.” He finally spoke, turning his head to look at you. “I wake up every day, and I just want to protect you.” You finally looked at him, and were surprised to see that his eyes had cleared, and he looked more like the Billy that you knew. “But I can’t protect you from this shit. Not anymore.” He sneered, licking his lips and then Billy reached out, putting his arm around your shoulders and pulling you closer. “All I wanna do is keep you safe.” It felt better, being closer to him, and you leaned into his side, still not speaking. “She shot me.”
“What?” You stood up, turning to face him as his arm dropped and he turned too, gesturing toward the arm that hadn’t been around you. “Who?”
“Madani.” He said the name as if it was poison, and your jaw dropped. Madani? Like the woman that he’s been sleeping with, Madani? “She came to where Frankie was, where we were, and she fuckin’ shot me.” You reached out, but he shook his head. “Thats why I had to blow up Anvil, I have to get out of the city, I have to make a clean break. No ties. They’re lookin’ for me now. All of ‘em.” He’s leaving. “Frankie and I… we have an understanding, and he’s going to let me go, but… she won’t. I got in too deep with her, and it’s coming back, it’s all coming back on me.” Of course it is, she fell for you and you didn’t care. You… “I want you to come with me.”
“What?” In all the months that you’d been with Billy Russo, he’d never said anything remotely similar to you; it had always been days and nights behind closed doors, no endearments or expectations. “You what?” He closed his eyes, then moved one hand through his hair again, pushing it back from his face.
“You’ve got the patience of a saint, you know?” Tell me about it. “You knew what was going on, knew what I had to do to get to this point… you knew about Frankie and the kids and Maria, and about Rawlins… and you stuck around.” He laughed, but it was an angry one. “You knew about me fucking Madani for information, and yet you didn’t say a goddamn word against it… why? Everyone leaves me, everyone… when’s it gonna be your turn?” He was staring at you, his eyes wide and dark, and you couldn’t do anything but stare back.
He was right - you’d been around for a lot of his bullshit. You knew from the beginning that Frank and Billy had been friends, you knew that Billy had gotten in over his head at the promise of success and financial support, and that it had resulted in him doing a lot of terrible things - and needing to do a lot more just to survive. But it hadn’t been until his first nightmare in your bed that he’d opened up about the Castle family murder - and his part in it. “I dream about them most nights. And it’s not just Maria and the kids, it’s Frank, too. I killed them all that night by not saying anything. I know it now. I didn’t think they’d kill the kids, I thought it was just Frank they were going to go after, and that he’d be able to… I didn’t mean for it to happen. I wish it wouldn’t have.”
The whole thing went so far above his head that he was drowning, and the only way to stay afloat was to do what they asked of him, trying to stay one step ahead every single second of every single day. He’d known who Madani was the day she showed up at Anvil, and he’d gone out with her willingly, knowing that he had to do what was necessary to get information out of her. Even though you hadn’t liked it one bit - you and Billy had been about as exclusive as was possible for your situation at that point - you’d known that it needed to happen to keep him afloat once again. Rawlins didn’t know about you, he didn’t know you existed, and if he thought Billy was focused on fucking the incompetent Homeland agent to keep it that way, well… then it was what had to happen, no matter how much it hurt you to know that he was spending his nights with her - in her bed and in her arms.
When he’d learned that Frank was actually alive, Billy had been distraught, trying to reach out to him in any way that he could, wanting to get to him before Madani did, before Rawlins - even before Rawlins could get to Billy to make demands… but it hadn’t worked out that way, which had led to the shitstorm that you were currently in. “Billy…” You put your face in your hands, and then his arms were around you again, holding you tight. “No more.” He stiffened. “No more Rawlins, no more Madani, no more…” He laughed.
“No, Rawlins won’t be a problem anymore.” He was laughing loudly, the sound natural, tinged with both reverence and sarcasm. “Frankie took care of Rawlins.” He leaned back, looking down at you. “He killed him with his bare hands.” Oh. I guess I’m not surprised. “And Madani hates my goddamn guts now, so she won’t be a problem, either.” He scoffed. “She’ll probably keep looking, though. They always do.” Of course. “And Frankie… I can’t make up for what I did, and what I didn’t do… but he… he told me if I didn’t ever come back or cause problems, he’d let me go. He knows… knew how persuasive Rawlins was. It’s more than I should have expected, to be honest. More than I deserve. But I’ll take it.” Billy reached up, his hand cupping the side of your face. “I’m so sorry for all this shit that I’ve put you through. You deserve better, but I’m too selfish to let you have it. I gotta try. I’ve wanted this for so long.” He pulled away suddenly, his hand sliding down to yours as he pulled you to the back of the car, opening the trunk. “Look.”
Billy reached into his back pocket, pulling out his wallet and fishing the key from it. He quickly unlocked the padlock on the bag you’d brought, motioning for you to unzip it. You did so with shaking hands, holding your breath. It was as you expected, you found as you pulled the bag open - it was filled with money and some clothing - both yours and his - boxes you recognized as gun cases and ammunition, even a laptop case. Your fingers touched the case and you looked up at Billy, eyes wide.
“I’ve been backing up everything important from our computers and phones for weeks, just in case. I know you wouldn’t want to… leave it all behind, and if we go, you’ve gotta.” He shook his head. “We need to get out of the city tonight. I have a car waiting in Newark, and from there, it’s all up in the air.” He reached out, taking your hand in his. “I’m gonna run either way. I don’t want him to kill me, and he will - eventually - if I stay, no matter what he says right now. But I want you with me.” He chewed on his lower lip, eyes looking into yours. “I need you with me. You’re my constant.” You couldn’t help the smile that tugged at your mouth at his reference to your show, the one you’d watched with him during long nights and lazy days - before things had changed. “Come with me. Let me take care of you. I got enough money here and in offshore accounts… I have passports… we can go anywhere.”
Your fingers toyed with the contents of the bag. He’s asking me to give up everything… for him. “You’ll get tired of me. I’ll come with you, and you’ll…”
“I’m done leaving people. I’ve left way more people than have ever left me, and I’m sick of it.” He leaned in, pressing his forehead to yours. “I won’t leave you. Ever.” He pulled your hand out of the trunk, bringing up to his chest and placing your palm over his heart. “I promise.” Your own heart was pounding as you contemplated what he was asking you, but his was steady. I can’t go, can I? Can I trust him? “Please.”
His voice was so quiet that you barely heard it, and in that single word, you knew what you had to do. Tilting your head, you kissed him on the mouth, your free hand tangling in his hair. He was surprised at first, but kissed you back, quickly turning it into a deep one, his teeth grazing against your lower lip as he pulled back after long moments, taking a deep breath. Your hand was still on his chest and you could feel that his breathing had sped up along with his heartbeat. I did that. He was calm before I kissed him, and now he’s not. He was still staring at you, waiting. You took a deep breath and finally spoke. “I’m with you.” The smile that spread across his face made him look years younger, his eyes crinkling up at the corners, straight white teeth on full display. It even made his cheeks look fuller, though they were hidden under a scruffy beard. “I’m with you, Billy. Let’s go.” He nodded twice, exhaling and pulling you into him, crushing your joined hands between your bodies. “Who’s driving?”
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