Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I wanna know you
But can’t make it right
There’s something on my mind
There's something that I
Wish I would’ve told you but you just don’t seem
To wonder what I’m doing when you’re close to me
Oh yeah
There’s something on my chest
I wish I would’ve said
I think it over and it might be true
I’m only overthinking when I’m close to you

-Close to You by Dayglow

--

Karl hates improv.

Sure he loves theatre, he likes to sing the songs and act and pretend like he’s someone else for a while, it’s comforting to him in a weird way. He got into it in 7th grade when his mom signed him up for auditions against his will since he “never does anything after school”. He rolls his eyes, straight A’s don’t come easy. But he enjoyed the plays. He played major roles since there were little guys to cast due to the fragile masculinity that filled the highschool, Karl didn’t care if anyone thought he was “unmanly”. Being open with his sexuality and painting his nails, he already got weird stares from others, but he’s used to it. He kind of liked the idea of being different in a crowd full of the same faces. He grows out his fluffy brown hair, he wears huge sweaters with funky rings, and he doesn’t care. It’s refreshing to finally not care after years of trying to fit in. In 8th grade he came out as bi to his mom and Alex, both supported the hell out of him so he didn’t have to worry about anyone else, cause they were the only ones that mattered. Now he was in 11th grade and he feels as if life couldn’t get any more comfortable.

Yet, Karl couldn’t sit still in the auditorium seat, he turned to his best friend who was chomping down on an apple. He grinned at the boy’s absurdity.

“What?” Alex questioned, noticing Karl’s stare, “I’m hungry! I skipped lunch to retake that stupid history test,” Karl didn’t respond and simply just shook his head. His friend was an idiot. He couldn’t get over the fact that in 30 minutes he was going to go on stage with a bunch of strangers and make shit up, FOR FUN. What kind of mind game is that?

Karl was good at school, and pretty good at acting, but could NOT for the life of him improvise. He’s bad under pressure.

Just like his mom, his friend Alex always got him into things without asking him, forced him to “get out there more”, it was exhausting.

“Yeah okay okay I get you want me to mingle with new people but, improv? Really?”

“Trust me dude, you need it. I’m like you’re only friend. It’s sad, sad!” Alex responds wittily, taking another bite of his apple. Karl smiles at the other’s expression.
“You’re just being mean now,” Karl shoots back while shifting in his seats, he hates sitting still.

A few minutes later and an apple finished, a tall man in a tweed suit appeared on stage. He could hear Alex try to stifle a laugh, Alex found anything and everything funny, especially in situations where you aren’t supposed to laugh.

“Alright who’s ready for a little improv?” Karl was all of a sudden hyper-aware he was there. He looked around at the other people nervously, thankly there weren’t many people. He noticed a girl with pink hair, thin black glasses and a friendly smile sitting behind them. She looks nice. Karl thought. Make a note to talk to her. He noticed a girl next to her with pretty brown hair grinning at her, She looks nice as well.

A few rows back he sees what looks like to be a couple (they were holding hands so Karl just assumes they are). One has brown hair and a soft face while the taller one had beach blonde hair with bright green eyes. They seem sweet. Finally he sees 3 teens sitting next to each other, one is tall, like TALL tall. He has fluffy brown hair similar to Karl’s but a bit longer with greyish eyes. The other tall boy has a red and white shirt with blonde hair and a funny look on his face like he just told a really funny joke. The shorter teen had short fluffy brown hair and a kind smirk looking up at the blond, they seemed like a fun bunch. Karl shifted his focus back on the teacher and felt a bit more relaxed. He felt not as intimidated, those people seem nice, and not at all like people who would beat him up for wearing a collared shirt under his chunky knit sweaters. After all, it is an improv class.

“I’ll be your improv teacher-well improv instructor. One does not TEACH improv, one observes. Improv is all about finding yourself and being able to speak without someone telling you what to do, unlike most teachers-” the guy went on and on and Karl felt as if he was being lectured about the importance of this made up practice. He felt himself reach for his phone but Alex swatted his hand.

“Ow! What the heck Alex” Karl whisper-shouted. “Let the tweed man talk! You need to hear this, it's very important!” Alex whispered back. Karl side-eyed Alex and turned back towards Mr. Tweed.

“I’m Mr. Valez,” Ah nevermind, Mr. Valez. “Let’s begin shall we, everyone arise!”

Everyone starts to get up from their seats, but Karl is still glued to his. Alex looks giddy until he turns to see Karl still planted to the chair. “Man he said arise! Arise you doofus!” Alex taunts. Karl rolls his eyes and starts to remove himself from the chair. “Why did you bring me here, just to suffer?”

“To mingle Jacobs!” Karl starts to hate the word “mingle”, he sighs deeply. Sometimes, he hates Alex.

“On stage thespians!” Mr. Valez declares. Alex grabs Karl’s arm and drags him on stage, while the rest of the people in the theatre follow suit.

“Let’s start with introductions!” He starts. Everyone starts to form a circle all of sudden, he feels as though he missed a step, maybe it’s an unwritten rule in the improv world to just form a circle? He joins the circle along with Alex who is still smiling like a mad man. Why is he enjoying this so much? He knows for a fact Alex could not give a crap about improv. He plops himself down, he notices the pink-haired girl sit down next to him on the other side along with her brunette friend. Karl smiles at her and she smiles back.

“Now, who wants to go first,” and the room fills with silence. Oh boy. He watches as Mr. Valez scans the room like a hawk stalking his prey, preying on the innocent, choosing his next victim. He looks directly at Karl and Karl feels his cheeks begin to heat up. “You!” He says looking directly into Karl’s soul. Oh god.

The room’s eyes land on Karl, he starts to feel as anxious as a person could get. “Me?” He says aloud, like it’s not so blaringly obvious he was talking about him. Mr. Valez nods enthusiastically. “I-I’m Karl-” he starts. “Arise when you are introducing yourself in improv Karl!” he interrupts, sort of startling him, he quickly gets up. He could feel Alex’s eyes on him burn and could practically feel Alex try to hold his laugh in as he struggles to get up. “I’m Karl,” he repeats. God could it get any worse?

“And what do you like to do Karl?” It just got worse. He hates talking about himself. He looks down at Alex who just shrugs at him. He’s no help at all. “Uh I-”

“Shit I’m so sorry I’m late!” he was interrupted by a voice across the room who just entered the room. His deep voice echoed throughout the auditorium as he traced it back to his face. Wow. His face.

All Karl could think is what the fuck a guy who looks like that was doing at an Improv class.

He looked as out of place here as Karl did, but in a different way.

He looks like your average highschool jock. Shoulders broad, short cut brown hair, green sparkling eyes and teeth as white as snow. And though he looked like he could star in a highschool rom-com, he still looked different than the other jocks at his school. Different, in a good way. He looked kinder, like his words could mean the world to him. Like he could hold Karl and make him feel like puddy in his arms. He looked like he could say Karl’s name and make him melt in his shoes. God he was so gorgeous. He could feel his face turn from an embarrassed heat to a soft blush as he locked eyes with the boy. The boy smirked at Karl, he could feel his stomach do a backflip.

“I-football practice ran a bit late-” He continued. So he is a jock. Karl wasn’t shocked at that necessarily, but he was shocked at the fact that a football player made him feel so weak in the knees. Like he could tumble over.

“Ah yes a football player late, where’s the surprise there?” Says Mr Valez, a bit rude to say out loud. He watched as the pretty boy’s face fell into a half-frown. “Alright join the circle won't you?” The boy quickly obeys and rushes over to the circle. He decides to sit right in between the pink-haired girl and Karl’s feet.

“Of course when you said you could come you show up late, nice one Sapnap” says the blonde boy holding the brunet's hand across from Karl. Sapnap. His name is Sapnap.

“It’s not my fault coach decided to give us a pep talk!” He responds. Mr. Valez clears his throat, interrupting their friendly dynamic. “Oh Sapnap, is that the late one’s name? You’ve wasted enough of our time, interrupting Karl, I expect an apology from you to him right now,” Karl could feel his heart grow faster. Oh god oh no oh god oh no-

The brown haired boy looks up at Karl with a smile, and oh, Karl could see his dimples. He felt like he could die right there right then.

“Sorry for interrupting you Karl, go on,” Karl didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know his body could feel so helpless as he struggled to decide what to do with his hands. Karl nodded down at the boy. “Uh thanks I guess” Sapnap looked down at the floor, seeming embarrassed. “I’m Karl, I uh- I like to do theatre and I love the fall-”

“Ahh a fellow theatre kid! Why do you like the fall Karl?” Mr Valez asks. For a guy who just yelled at a kid for interrupting Karl he sure does like to interrupt Karl.

“I guess I like the fall because I like the weather, I like wearing sweaters and I love pumpkin scented stuff. Oh and candles, I like candles. And Halloween, an underrated holiday. I could bathe in leaf piles-” Karl realized once he starts talking he cannot stop, the room feels warmer with this new presence. With Sapnap in it. He looks down at the boy to see if he’s paying attention at all, and the boys stares back up with sparkling eyes and a crooked smile. He kept ranting on and on about fall and watched as the boy grew more interested in his thoughts. It felt nice for someone to just listen for once.

“That’s nice Karl. I like you. How about the pink-haired lady next to Karl?” he says, Karl sits down and smiles a bit. Alex nudges him. He turns to see Alex winking at him, god knows what that could mean. He instead focuses his attention on the pink-haired girl who seems like a potential new friend.

She stands up, smiling brightly. “Hi I’m Niki! I like Pokemon and Minecraft, I love the spring because of the pretty trees and I like wearing skirts,” she said. Karl liked those things as well, so he gave her a grin when she sat back down. “Ah yes, of course I know Niki. She's been doing improv with me for a while, I just thought all you new people would like to get to know her. She’s a peach-” Karl tuned out the blabber-mouth of a teacher and focused his attention on the boy next to him who was fiddling with his hands. He looked a bit nervous, and anxious. He wonders if he does the same thing before a big game, or before a big exam. He thinks about how adorable he finds it that he does that. He snaps out of his haze after a while.

The circle continues. Sapnap’s friends are George and Dream, who’ve been dating for a while now, as they mentioned in the introduction. Niki’s friend is Puffy, who also shares her love for Pokemon. The younger trio’s names were Ranboo, Tommy and Tubbo, who were sophomores who Karl assumed liked to cause chaos wherever they went. Despite that, Karl liked their energy. Alex introduced himself as “Quackity” which was his online alias that Karl likes to tease him for a lot, but the room didn’t bat an eye at the sentiment, which Karl found comforting in a way. Sapnap was last, that’s what he got for being late I guess. He arose from the circle.

“I’m Sapnap,” he started, he swore he could see Mr. Valez roll his eyes. “I don’t usually go to things like this but uh my friends made me go to uh meet some people I guess. I don’t mind trying new things out as well. Especially when they come with their benefits-” he paused, and looked down at Karl, which made his heart stop. What does that mean? Karl blushed deeply as he saw the smirk begin to form on Sapnap’s pink lips. “And uh-my real name is Nick. But most people call me Sapnap. So uh yeah. And I play football, but y’all knew that-”

“Okay that’s enough thank you Nick!” Mr Valez said. Sapnap nodded dejectedly and slapped his hands a bit as he sat back down. “Now, let’s start improving!”

Chapter Text

“Now I will put you guys into duos! And you will have to improv a scene together based around a single word that I will give you,” he says. As he describes the instructions, Karl can feel his body start to heat up. Oh god, he’s picking our partners is all Karl could think. He hates not knowing who he’s working with, and the fact it might be a complete stranger. And the fact he has no preparation. He could feel his anxiety start to kick in.

Mr Valez uncrosses his legs and jumps up to his feet emphatically. “Alrightttt” he says, while clicking his tongue. “Niki and Tubbo, Puffy and Ranboo, Tommy and Quackity, Dream and George, and Sapnap and Karl!” he announces. Oh my god, just my luck He instantly makes contact with Sapnap, who looks as if he won the lottery. “Okay sit next to your partner if you aren’t already!”

Karl sits still and turns to the boy once more. “Karl-” Sapnap starts. “Sorry again for interrupting I- didn’t know-” Karl smiles. “It’s fine really, you kind of saved me. I hate being put on the spot like that,” Karl admits. Sapnap laughs.

“What?” Karl questions. Sapnap shakes his head a little at the boy as if he’s the most clueless person ever. “If you hate being put on the spot why are you here at an improv class Karl?”

Again, he feels himself melt. The way he says his name, it sounds like a song. A long song, with a gorgeous melody that soares through the chorus triumphantly. There’s no way to describe it.
“Very funny. Alex-uh-Quackity dragged me here. To 'mingle with new people' I guess,” Karl answers, air quoting what Alex told him. Sapnap chuckles at that, Karl learns that he loves his laugh.

“God our friends sound very similar, they should get along just fine,” Sapnap comments.

“Yeah they can talk about how much they love to torment their best friends,” Karl says and there, Karl’s new favorite sound comes up again. How can a laugh break someone like this?

“You’re funny Karl- uh-”

“Jacobs, Karl Jacobs” Karl finishes, he somehow knew exactly what Sapnap was getting at with the pause. Like he had the last piece of a puzzle.

“Karl Jacobs,” The symphony roars. The added last name made him blush ever harder. He wanted to crawl into his sweater and hide forever.

“Alright let’s get started!” Mr Valez announces.

-

The groups went and went. George and Dream having to improvise a whole scene around “Pineapple” they made it couple related, because god they couldn’t get their hands off each other. George bought a pineapple and Dream told him it looked like his old ex and George got very jealous. It all seemed so real until they both smiled when the scene ended and kissed, half of the room was ‘awww’ing while the other half was groaning. Niki and Tubbo made a mother-son scene around the word “Soccer”. Tubbo was apparently late for soccer practice and Niki was too tired to drive him. It was very amusing, their dynamic seemed a little too good. Tommy and Quackity did a fighting scene around the word “Cat”. Apparently Quackity accidentally killed Tommy’s cat and he had to find the body on his front lawn. It was definitely something to watch, they both got very committed. Maybe Alex actually secretly likes acting. Ranboo and Puffy’s scene was a sister and brother scene centered around “Cereal”. Puffy ate all the cereal so Ranboo decided to fill her bed with ants. The whole room was filled with laughter.

Mr Valez finished his laughter and spoke up, “Okay up next is Sapnap and Karl. Your word is ‘Farm’. Aaaand begin!”

Karl could feel the adrenaline fill his veins. He started to panic a bit but he looked at Sapnap and he gave Karl a reassuring look that made him feel more relaxed, more safe.

They started off pretty well. Karl was coming home from work and it’s implied that they are married, as Sapnap says “Welcome home Honey!” when he walks through the imaginary door. He smiles at it, why did he decide they were together? Did Sapnap feel the same things Karl feels when he’s close to him? Like the whole world could fall away and nothing could matter. God, it’s only been 30 minutes, why is he thinking like this?

Karl brings up the fact that they own a farm and they should vacation there since Karl’s work is stressing him out too much, Karl can definitely relate to his character. He needs a break. With Sapnap. Or anyone. Someone. Doesn’t have to be him.

“Yeah and I’ll make us some bacon,” Sapnap says. Continuing their conversation about their farm vacation.

“Yeah as long as it isn’t the pigs from the farm-” Karl adds jokingly.

“Why nooot,” Sapnap whines.

“There’s no way you’re killing Mr. Piggie!” Karl shouts, he didn’t know he could improv like that, the room laughs at his line and he feels satisfied at the reaction.

Sapnap suppresses a giggle and continues on, “Well it’s your fault for naming him Mr. Piggie, maybe think of something more original and I won’t kill him babe!”

The room laughs once more, Karl smiles wide. He’s actually enjoying this? He feels like he’s flying, he feels like how he feels when he acts but different. Like he could conquer the world. He also doesn’t mind that Sapnap calls him “babe” so effortlessly, like it makes sense. He lets his smile fade as he gets back into his mad facade.

“Oh I’m sorry we didn’t go with ‘The Baconator’. We shouldn’t let them know of their fate!” Karl responds. He could hear Niki break into a huge giggle fit and Tommy’s obnoxious sort of laugh erupt.

“You know what fuck this farm let’s just stay home and have sex on the couch like we do every day since we’re going to fight over pigs tonight! God!” Sapnap ends with and the room is loud with laughter once more, making Karl break character. Mr. Valez claps very loudly over the sounds of laughter. Karl feels like he ran a marathon, exhausted but satisfied.

-

Improv class ends and Karl is just about to leave with Quackity as they were talking about their scenes when they bump into Niki and Puffy outside, near the courtyard.

“Hey Karl, Quackity!” Niki calls out, waving. Puffy looks up from her phone and spots us and gives a grin as well.

“Hey Niki, hey Puffy” Karl responds. Quackity nods at the two.

“Nice meeting you guys today, Karl your scene was hilarious. Have you ever taken improv before?” Niki asks.

“No I haven’t, but thanks a lot. Yours was good too. It was fun though, never thought I’d actual enjoy improv, ah no offense-”

Niki laughs. “No problem, I think it’s nerdy too don’t worry. And I know Mr Valez seems a little coo coo at first-”

“Yeah no kidding, Mr. “ARISEEE” and his tweed suit? God i need to speak with his fucking stylist” Quackity chimes in, Niki laughs.

“Yeah Jesus, like we get it you’re an ‘instructor’ not a teacher. Please tell me about how big of a virgin you are some more,” Puffy adds. Quackity chuckles and gives her a high five.

“-BUTT, he’s nicer when you get to know him. And he seems to like you loads Karl. Sapnap-not so much. But that’s only cause he has an unfair bias towards jocks since they always shit on us thespians. You get that right Karl?” Niki says. Karl seems to be hyper focused whenever he hears the name Sapnap. Like it’s his new obsession. He feels so weird for feeling this way so early. Is it a crush or a virus?

“Uh yeah. But Sapnap seems cool. He doesn’t seem like one to bash us thespians” Karl responds. Quackity huffs, he turns to the boy in the beanie and he quickly scratches the back of his head like he didn’t just make an obnoxious noise at Karl.

“Yeah totally! Mr Valez just needs to see that, I have a feeling after your guys’ scene he’ll appreciate him a bit more. He has you to thank for that,” Niki says. Karl blushes and grins.

“Yeah I guess haha-” he starts. “Well nice talking to you guys! See you next practice?”

“Totally! See you around Karl!” Niki responds happily. Karl and Quackity make their way to Quackity’s car when Quackity stops dead in tracks.

“What?” Karl says.

“Next practice?” he repeats with a shit-eating grin.

“Shut it nimrod-” Karl scolds as Quackity bits his tongue laughing.

This is going to be a long car ride isn’t it?

Chapter Text

“Just admit it, you liked improv class!” Quackity says as he signals left while Karl stares out the window at the leaves falling from the trees. Fall. His favorite season.

“Okay maybe I did!” Karl says finally, he can see the smile start to form on Quackity’s face in the rear-view mirror. “Shut up about it will ya?”

“I didn’t say anything!” Quackity shouts accusingly.

“Look I didn’t WANT to like it! I just-did,” Karl admitted, biting his tongue.

“Yeah yeah so mysterious as to why-”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Oh like you aren’t super fucking obvious. You’re face turning bright red when that jock called you babe during your scene,” Quackity teased, Karl’s mouth fell open.

“Wha-”

“Oh god you’re so down bad. You’ve known the guy for like an hour and you're already picking out rings. I know you dude! You like the guy!” he says. He wasn’t wrong. They’ve been best friends since 1st grade, their families are so close they might as well be related. And he wasn’t wrong about liking Sapnap, he just didn’t wanna say anything. So he sunk back into the passenger seat and crossed his arms.

“It’s not a bad thing! I’m actually proud of you for like, having feelings towards someone for once-”

“Are you saying I’m a sociopath?”

“No I mean like romantic feelings idiot. You’ve got too many feelings to be a sociopath. I just want you in a relationship so I don’t have to do everything with you,” Quackity says, Karl scoffs offendenly.

“So you don’t like spending time with me?”

“I didn’t say that! I love spending time with you, but we do EVERYTHING together dude. I don’t wanna do your little date things when it’s just us bros. You can finally take Sapnap ice skating and kiss him or whatever instead of dragging me to go only to have me wait on the sidelines-”

“-It’s not my fault you REFUSE to ice skate with me!”

“Those things are DEATH BLADES. I ain’t putting them on my feet,” Quackity practically yells, Karl laughs at the insanity of his words. But maybe Quackity is right, maybe he does need someone else. Someone to do all the romantic stuff he wants to do with someone, he’s just afraid of relationships.

Not the commitment part but the person part. The confronting about feelings, the admitting you like them, the asking them questions, it’s all very overwhelming. But maybe with Sapnap it doesn’t have to be. He doesn’t feel anxious around him, he overthinks yeah, but that’s only because his heart won't stop racing whenever his body is close to Karl’s. But it’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t feel bad at all. It doesn’t feel like how Karl feels before a theatre show premiere, or a mid-term that he still doesn’t feel prepared for after hours of studying. It’s a different sort of anxiety, it’s like going to ride a rollercoaster. You know you won’t regret waiting in line because you know the ride will be fun and full of unexpected twists and turns and moments where you feel so high up and free you can just fly. But he just wants to get on the rollercoaster. To feel it all happen at once. He wants to-

“Karl just admit it!” Quackity shouts, breaking Karl from his thoughts.

“Admit what?” he asks genuinely, because he was in another world before Quackity snapped him back to reality.

Quackity scoffs. “You know what,”

Karl has a feeling he knows what, but he stares back out the window. He admires the changing of the leaves and the joy the colors bring to his eyes. He enjoys the warmth the colors fill his mind with, clearing his thoughts of messiness. He closes his eyes slightly.

“I love fall,” Karl says.

Chapter Text

Karl sat on his bed with crossed legs, a textbook open in front of him and a monster planted on his bedside table. No he would not think of Sapnap today. Today Karl was determined to study for his physics exam. He’s usually ahead of the game when it comes to understanding the material, but this unit has his mind spinning around. All he wants to do is lie in bed and not think. But at least physics is a distraction.

He decides silence is threatening to him and his thoughts, so he pops in some earbuds and shuffles his “studying makes brain go brrr” playlist on spotify (Alex suggested the name). He instantly feels more relaxed when music starts to kick in and his ears are filled with the first few notes of a Clairo song. Jamming his pencil to the beat, he starts to practice with some equations.

This is his usual studying environment, relaxing in bed with a monster and some jams to make him feel less tense about the whole “Oh god i’m behind I need to study or I’ll fail highschool” mentality that school makes him feel most of the time. Karl is way too hard on himself about his education. A’s in every subject, but it never feels enough to him.

His mom always tells him how she’s proud of him no matter what, she doesn’t set high expectations. This shocks anyone who knows Karl because he sure acts like he has the type of parent who cares way more about their child’s grades than their child. But he feels as if it’s his goal in life to be the best of the best, and it is draining. That’s why he enjoys theatre, it takes him away for a while. Getting lost in a role of someone else has always made him feel more alive and free than he had ever felt in his own skin, and he realizes recently that improv had also made him feel that way.

But improv was different, because he was himself. Not a specific role, no script, himself. His thoughts, his ideas, his own words. He never felt comfortable in himself. Maybe improv was the key to making Karl more carefree, or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it wasn’t something, maybe it was someone.

Just as Karl begins to even ponder this thought, an unfamiliar tune fills his eardrums.

He tilts his head in confusion, he has never heard of this song before. When did I add this? He checks his phone to see if it was a spotify recommendation. Usually he skips them, but this song pulled him in. It was intriguing, like a worm on a hook to a fish. Foreign, unexpected, yet compelling. He checks the song name, “Close to You” by Dayglow.

The lyrics kick in.

“I saw you lookin' for the side door
You didn't want to stick around for
The rest of the night
I guess that's alright”

There was no way that the numbers on his notebook would attract his attention now. He laid back on his bed, feeling his shirt ride up his torso. The traces of summer heat still linger in the September air, Karl cannot wait until the weather cools for good. But he’s not thinking of fall right now.

“They all left when you walked home
It makes sense that they all know
It was only for you
If only you knew”

Without fail, his mind formed an image of Sapnap. Of him in the golden daylight of mid-fall, leaves falling from the sky, brightening his handsome complexion. A smile spreads across the boy's face as he reaches out for Karl, his stomach fills with butterflies. He had never felt this way before, it was foreign, but inviting. He could never think that even the thought of a person, an image his mind formed instantly, could make him feel so helplessly lost. When did life get so confusing?

“What good is love
Without any strings?
Held it above
Stuck in between
Tell me for once
What that even means
I wanna know you
But can't make it right”

Everything about the song made sense to Karl. The melody, the lyrics, the notes, the chords, absolutely everything just made sense. His fuddled up feelings started to unravel. Oh god, do I, do I really like him? Karl didn’t want to like him, he didn’t want to have to deal with feelings like these. Ones that overtake his body, his mind, his life. Engulfing him into an endless whirlpool of overthinking, trepidation and fear of rejection. But maybe he would enjoy the other parts of it. Maybe he will sit back and enjoy the crush. The idea of him actually being in a relationship scares him, but the fantasies seem so reassuring. Picturing him cuddling up to the shorter boy made him feel all giddy, he could practically imagine the warmth he would emit. He could imagine the way his hair would look when they wake up with bed head in the morning. The morning voice, even deeper than normal. He could imagine ice skating and using it as an excuse to hold his hand. He could imagine him, but the thought of it actually happening made him nervous, but would he feel actually feel nervous?

“There's something on my mind
There's something that I wish I would've told you but you just don't seem to wonder what I'm doin' when you're close to me, Oh yeah-
There's something on my chest
I wish I would've said
I think it over and it might be true
I'm only overthinking when I'm close to you”

The chorus hit him like a truck. The lyrics sink deep within his chest, they flow through his body, coursing through his veins like a new type of blood. How could anything make this much sense about the way he feels about him? How much he likes him. How he makes Karl feel.

All his life he never spent more than a second or two thinking about something before he did it. He wouldn’t say he was impulsive, just more of a quick thinker. He used logic on his decisions, his thoughts were only overwhelming when it came to school. But now that new thoughts were flooding into his mind, he didn’t know what to do.

All Karl knew is he needed to see Sapnap, he needed to speak to him some more, he needed to get used to the new feelings, if he can at all.

The song ends, and Karl feels empty. Before a new song could even dare to play, Karl quickly grabs his phone and hits the “loop song” button. He listened to the song again, and again and again.

“We locked eyes from a distance
So close but I missed it
Now you're walking away
When I wish you would stay”

Again.

“I get stuck in a conversation
A different night, same situation
I'm beating myself up
For not speaking up”

Again.

“Only overthinking when I'm close to you
I'm only overthinking when I'm close to you
I'm only overthinking when I'm close to you
I'm only overthinking when I'm close to you
I'm only overthinking when I'm close to you
I'm only overthinking when I'm close to you”

He needs to get used to this. He needs to learn it. Memorize it. Like how he memorized trigonometry, quantum physics, conversion factors, the lines of many Shakespeare sonnets, the script of a school play; front to back. He needs to be familiar to the unfamiliar.

He can get used to it, right?

Chapter Text

Karl woke up to the sound of his phone’s ringtone, loud and obnoxious. He never felt so tired, thank god it was Saturday.

He sat up in his bed and answered his phone, “H-Hello?” he answered groggily. He rubbed his eyes that felt heavy.

“KARL. KARL JACOBS,” screamed the receiver of the call. Karl jumped up, well that woke him up for sure.

“GEEZ! What? Who’s this?”

“Who do you think ya doof, check the name in your phone maybe?”

Ah, so it’s Alex. He couldn’t bother to read the name of who was calling when we awoke, sleepy brain doesn’t do what makes sense.

“God so sorry your honor, didn’t know I was committing such a heinous crime,” He felt his body wake up with these words, back to reality.

“Yeah well you should have known,” Alex adds. “Now, wait-did you just wake up? You sound like a dying frog,”

Karl rolls his eyes and turns over in his bed, looking at the pile of clothes he needs to sort through. His fall clothes. What he should keep and what he should chuck away (by chuck away he means donate to his local Goodwill). He sighs.

“Gee thanks,” Karl responds. “Yeah, you woke me up meanie”

“Dude it’s 11 am. You never sleep this late, like ever. Even on breaks,” Replies the louder boy. He’s not wrong. Karl almost never sleeps in, his body naturally wakes up around 7 am, even on the weekends. Karl doesn’t mind, he likes getting things done so he can relax and take some time for himself by noon. So why did he sleep so late?

“Yeah I guess. I don’t know. I’ve been thinking a lot lately,”

“Imagine thinking. That’s crazy,”

“Yeah I’m sure it seems so foreign to you Alexis,”

“Don’t call me that you aren’t my mom,” Alex says in a sterner tone.

“Sorry, now what do you want from me?”

The boy goes silent and Karl could hear the sounds of a video game distantly play. Probably Mario maker, as he’s been obsessed with it lately. He assumes Alex was focused on a level and gives him a few seconds before responding, hears a “let’s goo!!!” from the boy and laughs faintly.

“Ah yes, the reason for the call,” he finally says. “I’m taking you for a run,”

“A run,” Karl repeats. He scoffs. “Over my dead body,”

He hears a groan emit from the other side of the phone. “Come oooon dude. You need the exercise. Plus it’s like, fucking beautiful out? Enjoy it before the worst season rolls around-”

“-What is the deal with your hatred for the best season?” Karl interrupts. He always wondered how someone could hate fall. Yeah preferences are a thing, but HATING the season? Hating the crisp air that nips at your nose turning it a rosy pink? Hating the crunch of leaves beneath your boots? Hating the smell of bon-fires on a fall evening as you watch the nights creep closer and earlier? Hating the fun costumes and the smiles from little kid’s when they find a king-size crunch bar in their pillowcases?

Alex chuckles at Karl taking offense of his opinion. “It’s just easily the most dog water season? Take into account summer? No school, hawaiian shirts, no school-”
“I get how you can like summer better but why do you HATE fall?” Karl asks.

“I guess I just don’t like the cold-”

“So why don’t you hate winter?”

“Enough with these useless questions. We are running today. Put on some shorts, I'll be at your house in 30,” Alex demands, changing the subject. Karl groans

“What? Alex I’m not-”

The call disconnects. Well I guess I’m going for a run now. Karl runs his hands across his face.

--

“Looking good Jacobs” says the shorter boy. Karl smirks at the comment.

“Alright I never wear athleisure okay? I got nothing in my wardrobe for spontaneous runs that my idiot friend is making me do for some reason,” He defends. He’s got gray shorts that reach down to his knees (he never likes to show a lot of skin) and a baggy navy sweater covering up the front of the shorts. Alex is wearing a pair of dark gray sweatpants and a plain black tee that says, “North Carolina” across the chest. The most basic outfit an outfit can be, but Karl chooses not to comment on it.

His running sneakers are a bit old and don’t fit his feet so well, but Karl decides not to worry too much about it, as they probably get the job done. Alex places a hand on the fluffy-haired counterpart’s shoulder.

“You’d be a blob of a man without me Karlos, don’t be silly,” he teases. Karl flicks Alex’s hand away.

“Let’s just get this over with,”

“That’s what I’d like to hear!” He starts jogging away and Karl starts to run after him with a puff of air.

-

They arrive at the school’s track. Karl pace slows down to a stop as he turns to Alex to face him. “Why are we here?” Karl asks. Alex puts on a confused look as he fixes his hair that was building up some sweat.

“What do you mean? To run?”

“Don’t play dumb. We could just run around the town. Why are we at the school? I don’t want to run into anyone we know Alex-”

Karl’s words trailed off his lips and disappeared into the thin 60 degree air as he spotted a familiar face on the field.

Alex. You fucker.

Sapnap. Of course.

Football practice. Alex must have known, he had to. What was his motive? To get Karl to stomp onto the field and confess his feelings to a jock in front of all his football friends? To ruin what could have been a great friendship? To have his heart potentially shattered in front of a bunch of sweaty seniors? He didn’t think so.

But damn, he looked good in that uniform. Karl never thought he would like a football player. Not to be a stereotyper, but he thought they were all straight. Or like at least closeted with toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia. And he always thought they were TOO much. Too muscly, a bit too air-headed, too into the game and their season. He thought it was stupid to obsess over something that won’t matter in 10 years, but I guess people have their things.

Sapnap was glowing in the late morning sun, his smile sparkling like he was in a commercial. Like he knew a camera was pointing right at this face and he had to look pretty, but he looks so effortlessly perfect. Karl begged the universe that he wouldn’t see him staring at him from 20 yards away, but the universe wanted Karl to suffer and his eyes met Karl’s. Sapnap's smile grew even bigger, he looked almost goofy in his expression. He lifts his hand and gives a subtle wave, that Karl believes only he could have noticed, a wave just for him. Karl returns one with a smirk, before turning back to his friend with a beanie on in 65 degree weather.

“Why?” is all Karl says before he sees Alex break into a fit of laughter.

“Dude you should see the fucking look on your face. Man you are so in lo-” Karl flies his hand over Alex’s mouth.

“Please not so loud, and not at all. I don’t L word anyone,” he states, before removing his hand from his mouth in fear of it being licked or bitten.

Alex stares blankly at his star-stricken best friend. “Just, let’s run a few laps and next time they go for a break, we’ll go say hi. He’ll appreciate it, trust me,”

Karl makes a funny face. “What’s that supposed to mean?” But before Karl could get a response, the boy was already 20 feet ahead of him. What a guy.

About 10 laps later, Karl could feel his body start to shut down. Not only did he never exercise ever, but he couldn’t look away from the center of the field and catch a glimpse of the brunet who happened to be very very good at football. A football player good at football? Who could’ve known?

Just when Karl was about to call it quits, he heard the football coach shout some words he couldn’t make out over his workout playlist that was just about the hardest playlist to find on his Spotify, he hasn’t touched it since he took track for a very short period of time sophomore year. It was their break, he assumed. He slowed his pace to a complete stop and doubled over his knees, catching his non-existent breaths. Covering the sun with his hand, he scanned the track for Alex, who was spotted under a tree near the bleachers. What a cheater.

“Hey dingus, aren’t you supposed to be doing the thing we came here for?” Karl says approaching the boy caught red-handed.

Alex looked up from his phone and gave a small grin. “We didn’t come here to run and you know that Karl. I know the football schedule very well, Punz won’t stop yapping about it when we’re supposed to be doing a lab,”

Karl smiled at the sentiment. “So you made me suffer for nothing?”

“Nothing? Come on Jacobs. Your hunk is waiting on that field for you to go over and uh i don’t know compliment his muscles? You’ll figure it out, you’re good at improv,”

Karl playfully punched him in the shoulder while he feigned pain. The guys head over to the field, Karl starts to feel a bit nervous. What will the jocks think about a scrawny guy going up to one of their friends and attempting conversation? Will Sapnap get mad at him for ruining his perfect reputation? Does he have a perfect reputation? As he arrives closer to the football star lounging on one of the benches with a towel in his hand, he begins to wonder what he would say. Sapnap looks up and spots the two heading towards him and beams. Karl swore his heart hiccuped.

“Oh hey guys! Come to see me in action?” he asks.

“Yeah we wanted to see what you do after school, besides arriving late to improv classes interrupting Karl’s very interesting introduction about how horny he is for fall,” Alex starts, Karl wants to slap the boy, but Sapnap laughs and he thinks maybe he could handle the teasing.

“Hey I am a fellow fall enjoyer for your information Quackity” He debates. Alex rolls his eyes. “Oh god not another one. What is with you pumpkin fuckers?”

“It’s a great season! You’re just mad because you look like a marshmallow in sweaters,” Karl says finally. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Sapnap grin and he feels a fire within him ignite.

“I didn’t come here to get bullied but okay,” the fall-hater whines while he throws his hands in the air dramatically and walks away. Sapnap and Karl share a laugh at the ridiculous boy and Karl finds himself sitting down next to Sapnap. When did my body decide to do that? Sapnap doesn’t seem to mind though, he even scoots over a bit to give him some space so he doesn’t hang off the edge.
“So, you enjoying your run stud?” The athlete pesters.

“Yes I get it I’m not an all-star like you. We all have our flaws, and mine happens to be any physical activity,” Karl says. Sapnap fakes surprise.

“You don’t say, I couldn’t tell,” Karl hits the boy.

“Ow!” he says. “You may look scrawny but you actually hurt me there,”

Karl grows red, Oh god. What the hell. Why did I do that? He hates me. “Sorry-”

Sapnap laughs. “It’s okay big man, I like your feistiness,” he comments. Karl finds himself smiling once more at the cute boy. When did he get freckles? He could count them forever. Just sit there on the bench counting them, one by one. And trace them back to his pine green eyes that hug Karl’s heart tightly. Back to his lips that were pink and plump from the cold nip of the wind that appears suddenly. Fall is arriving, and Karl’s feelings are all over the place like spilled milk.

Sapnap stares at Karl, waiting for him to say something, but Karl just wants to lean in. He wants to lean in and let Sapnap do what he wants. Let him take the lead, like he does on the field. He wants Sapnap to chase his lips like a football on the field. To let him so close to him he could feel his breath on his neck, in his soul. He wants the anticipation of the kiss to eat him alive and when they finally collide, he wants the world to spin so fast around him he can feel it. He wants his arms to wrap around his waist and his sweater to cling to his chest.

“See you at improv” Karl decides to say instead of confessing his undying wishes. What the honk was that Karl.

“Yeah. Improv,” Sapnap says, getting up from the bench. “Improv exercises, the only good kind of exercises,” he adds. Karl giggles at that.

“You're right about that Nick,” He doesn’t mean to say his real name, he didn’t expect that. And neither did the quarterback, as he looks at him in disbelief, but he just smirks and gives Karl another small wave as he turns the other way.

“See you at improv?” Alex provokes from behind Karl. Karl jumps in surprise.

“Oh spare me, I couldn’t think of anything to say!” He defends. Alex sits down next to him, in Sapnap’s absence.

“How about, ‘Can I get your number Mr. Football man who I’m in love with-’”

“I don’t love him, shut your mouth Quackity” Alex sticks his tongue out at Karl. He ignores his friend and turns back to the field to admire the view. He could see Sapnap give one of his teammates a high-five, beaming brightly in the now-noon light. The orange glow makes Sapnap look warm like a hot cup of tea and blankets. He smiles at the boy.

See you at Improv practice.

Chapter Text

Monday rolls around the corner and Karl couldn’t be happier. Not because of school, he’s not the type of person who enjoys it just because he gets good grades. Because of improv practice, he gets to see Sapnap.

Karl checks the weather and he is thrilled. 55 and sunny, perfect weather for sweaters. He plops a purple and green sweater on. Alex likes to say he looks like Barney the Friendly Purple Dinosaur in it, but Karl likes the way it hugs his body so he commits to it. He throws on some black jeans and black converse and fluffs up his hair.

On his walk to school, he checks his phone to see his Snapchat blowing up. Confused, he opens the app to see a new group chat was formed titled: “the improv squad” he laughs at the name and opens the chat.

Niki_cat: Heyyyy! I created this so we can chat about improv and communicate just incase one of us has to miss a practice or something :D also cuz y’all seem cool.

Dreamwastaken_: Love it, let me add everyone!

GeorgeNootFound: OOOO improv squad :]

JigglyPuffy: I like the names you guys, very creative

Karl smiles at his fellow improvians, he could really like it here.

KarlJacobs_: Yeah, too bad mine is just my stupid name :((

Quackity: Sucks to suck Jacobs

Snapnap: heyyy what did i miss?

Karl’s heart skipped a beat. Oh, now he has Sapnap’s snapchat, very interesting to know. He feels his face heat up a bit.

Niki_cat: Nothing! We’re just adding peeps back and stuffz

Snapnap: cool, i’ll do that now

Snapnap added you! Karl’s smile grows at the notification, he clicks accept and heads back to the gc.

RanBOO: YOOOOOO

Wifehaver69: Just woke up, you guys are so annoying

Tubbo_: Says you m8

Wifehaver69: I’ll fight you

Niki_cat: Hey! No fighting in the gc! :<

Wifehaver69: Fine, but this is your last warning Tubbo underscore!

Tubbo_: LOL k.

Karl closes the app, that’s enough of that.

-

Karl stared down the clock in his english room like they were having a staring contest. He watched the arms on the clock tick tick tick until the bell echoed throughout the building and he heard the rush of the hallway grow immensely through the open door. He shot up in his seat and practically raced out the door, he’d never been so excited to leave english in his life.

When he arrives in the auditorium he sees everyone already there and wonders if they are secretly teleporters or just all really fast. He sees George and Dream holding hands in a corner of the room, cuddling close. He watches as George laughs at something Dream says while letting his head drop on Dream’s shoulder. He blushes when he sees Sapnap sat in front of the couple, smiling like a doofus right back at Karl, he guesses his entrance was a bit louder than he thought.

“Ah look who’s late now, how the turn tables,” Sapnap says, George and Dream look over at Karl and grin.

“I’m not late, I’m right on time, for your information,” Karl corrects. Dream laughs at that and gives Sapnap an eyebrow raise and a small grin.

“My information is completely accurate actually. Practice starts at 3:01-”

“Aaand it’s 3:01, did you even check your phone ya dingus?” George interrupts, Karl leans over to high five him and Sapnap rolls his eyes.

“Whatever, dumb luck I guess,”

“You’re the dumbest” Dream comments. “Karl don’t mind this idiot he can’t count for shit,” Sapnap gives Dream the finger and Dream feigns a shot to the heart, while George acts like Dream is actually dead in his arms.

“Save that shit for improv you drama queens” Sapnap jests.

“Ladies and gentleman!”

“Speaking of the devil-” Sapnap whispers to the group.

“Let’s improv!” Mr Valez shouts. The room fills with cheers as Sapnap taps Karl’s shoulder, causing his heart to feel a slight pang. “You ready improv buddy?”

“You know it Tom Brady” Karl mocks. Sapnap smirks at the joke and Karl feels like he’s floating

-

After a long practice of them shouting words at each other until one person repeats a word (which resulted in a lot of inappropriate innuendos and scolds from Mr Valez), the class comes to an end. Karl feels giddy and hyper from all the laughter that emitted from the chaos of the exercise.

“Please pack up slower my car needs to bathe itself in the blistering heat for longer!” Alex taunts while Karl shoves his history binder in his backpack. He figures Alex was being dramatic but he checks his phone and he’s the temperature went up 20 degrees since this morning, he hates North Carolina’s bipolar weather

“You have zero patience” Karl remarks. Alex uses his hand as a puppet to mimic Karl’s critique and he scoffs.

“Hey Jacobs, you have a second?” Karl turns to see his favorite brunet staring back at him with an inviting grin.

“Yeah sure,” he gestures towards Alex who winks (not so subtly), points towards the exit and leaves the auditorium.

“Quackity is definitely something, some friend you got there,” Sapnap says, Karl nods his head in agreement.

“What’s up?” Sapnap’s face turns a bit pinker than usual and Karl feels his heart rate excel. He realized how close they were standing next to each other. He could practically breathe in the ocean breeze scented cologne coming from his shirt. Karl would usually hate the smell of cologne like that, but he likes it on Sapnap. It suits him well.

“I-well I couldn’t help but wonder if you uh. Well-” Sapnap all of a sudden looked shy, he was scratching the back of his neck, clearing his throat a bit, and Karl felt like he was going to burst. “The other day it felt like we were interrupted, you know by my practice. But I was gonna ask you if you maybe wanna grab some coffee? Like today? Like now,” he finally uttered. Karl tried to fight the urge to smile like an idiot at the boy. Was he asking what he thinks he’s asking? Or what he hopes he’s asking?

“Coffee? Yes! I would like coffee now. Sounds good!” he decides to go with. Sapnap flashes Karl his dimples and Karl feels like an icecream cone on a july afternoon, melting in his converse.

“Great! I’ll drive!”

Karl shoots a text to Alex that he was going for coffee with Sapnap.

Alex Quackity: Don’t have too much fun ;)

Karl considers blocking him.

-

Karl gets in Sapnap’s red pickup and immediately feels like a teenage girl. He feels as though he should be wearing Sapnap’s varsity jacket and giggling about how much he loves how oversized it is on him.

“Improv was fun. When Quackity kept saying dick and Mr Valez threatened to murder him that was fun too,” Sapnap says, pulling the key into ignition.

“Ah yes, let’s let our improv teacher get away with a death threat. It was well deserved,” Karl says, causing Sapnap’s mouth to arch up and show Karl his dimples once more. Cute cute cute.

The car ride was filled with recounts from practice. When Niki accidentally brushed Puffy’s hand and blushed immensely and everyone could feel the romantic tension in the air. When Tubbo stepped on the back of Tommy’s shoe and Ranboo laughed for 2 minutes straight at Tommy’s squeal. When Dream and George “disappeared” during the 5 minute break and came back to the auditorium with messy hair. Today was a riot, and Karl was starting to love his new friends. He started to love improv. He started to love-

“What’cha ordering?” Sapnap asks Karl while they wait in line.

“Probably an iced pumpkin spice latte with 2 stevia and coconut milk, what about you?” Karl says. That’s his go to order for the beginning of fall when it’s still warm out, when it’s cooler he gets the same thing but hot instead of iced.

“Same thing, but I like 4 stevia in mine and whole milk,” he replies. Karl makes a disgusted face. “Whole milk? You monster,”

“Nothing wrong with whole milk, you’re just judgy,” Sapnap shot back, and Karl shook his head at the boy.

When they were next, they ordered together. Karl was planning on chipping in the money for his but Sapnap offered to pay and Karl knew he wasn’t going to win the argument so he let him give his money to the barista.

“And the name for the order?”

“Karl-”

“Sapnap-”

They both looked at each other and laughed. “Karlnap it is” Sapnap decided and Karl laughed at the clash of their names together. It sounded stupid, but it still worked and the barista nodded with approval at the two.

They sat at a table in the corner of the cafe, one side was a mini booth and the other was a chair. Sapnap took the chair and Karl sat across him. They both take sips of their drinks and smile.

“Man, I missed pumpkin spice,” Karl beams, Sapnap nods his head in agreeance and he takes another long sip. He looks down at the cup and frowns.

“Oh, uh. The barista. She wrote her number on my cup-” Sapnap tells Karl, Karl’s face falls. Oh.

“Oh!” Karl says. “You gonna call her?”

“Nah she’s not my type,” Sapnap admits and shoots Karl a toothy grin. Karl couldn’t help but grin, What does that mean? What is his type? Boys? Me? No, he couldn’t start overthinking now. He just wants to enjoy his drink, and his time with him. As friends.
“I see,” Karl starts, “then what is your type?”

Did I just say that?

Sapnap unzips his backpack and pulls out a sharpie. Confused at this action Karl raises his finger but Sapnap leans over and steals his coffee.

“Hey! That’s mine-”

“Shhh Jacobs-Lemme take your coconutty concoction for a minute-”

“You have your own bozo!”

“-Bozo?” Sapnap questions. Karl brushes him off and reaches over to grab it back but Sapnap holds it out behind him.

“Nuh-uh” he squeals, clicking his tongue. Sapnap scoots his chair further out and starts writing on his drink, Karl gives up and falls back in the booth, defeated.

“Here-” Sapnap says, giving back his coffee “I told you, just a minute Karl-” Karl snatches the coffee from his hands as Sapnap grins at the expression on Karl’s face when he reads.

“You're my type. Idiot :)” with his number plastered right next to it with a heart and a pumpkin drawing.

Karl Jacobs could not believe his eyes. His crush just confirmed that he in fact, liked him back. He didn’t know what to think. If it was a joke, a dream, a sick prank. Back he looked up at Sapnap and his face was lobster red. He’s not joking is he?

“I’m not joking Jacobs,” Sapnap says, as if he could read his mind. His mouth was hung open and he could feel the heat rise to his cheeks.

“Good,” is all Karl says.

-
When he’s dropped off at his house, he slips up.

“Thanks again Nick-uh I Sapnap-”

“You can call me Nick, Karl,” Sapnap assures. Karl fiddles with his sweater sleeve.

“Are you uh sure? You’re comfortable, I mean?” Karl asks, the last thing he wants is to make Sapnap feel uncomfortable. Sapnap gives Karl a warm look.

“Yeah. I mean Mr Valez calling me Nick? Not so much. But you, you can call me Nick. If you wanna-”

Karl stares at the boy's rosy cheeks that compliment his sharp jawline perfectly; he wonders if he could feel the heat of his cheeks when he’s close enough to connect their lips. He wonders if his jawline tightens as he pulls him into a tight embrace. Karl wondered.

“Well thanks again Nick, for everything,” Karl says once more and Sapnap gives his signature wave as Karl shuts the passenger door.

He watches the car leave his street and he turns to face his house door, he loves improv class.

Chapter Text

It is Tuesday. Tuesday’s aren’t improv days, but that’s okay, Karl decides. It’s okay because Sapnap has practice today and he invited Karl to watch again.

Sapnap: It’s right after school, if you wanna come. And if you can.

Me: Yeah yeah what else what would I be doing?

Sapnap: I don’t know, studying?

Me: Is that all you think I do?

Sapnap: Well yeah if you’re always free and on time then I assume you just do school work, plus you’re like really smart lol

Karl smiles at his phone.

Me: Sure sure :o

Sapnap: Whatever, i hope to see your cute face in the bleachers Jacobs

Karl beamed, he called him cute. Wow, his body could shut down. He wanted to squeal, but he suddenly realized he was in class. So he shut off his phone and puts it away. He distracts himself with Algebra for a while.

-

School ends and Karl is relieved the day flew by so fast. It was a good day, they sold tater tots at lunch and Niki gave him a friendship bracelet. He sits with the improv group table at lunch now, it is very amusing. Dream and George share their favorite tiktoks with the group, Tommy purposely annoying Ranboo to try to get him to say a curse word, Tubbo and Puffy arguing about what the best pokemon is. Niki is always doing something with art: drawing, crafting, making flower crowns. Alex always has his earbuds in, but every once and a while he’ll take a bud out to complain about his Spanish teacher to Karl.

“Her accent sucks donkey balls, you should hear it Karl. She’s not even spanish! The school needs better staff,”

Karl nods along, not really listening. He eats his peanut butter and jelly sandwich and focuses on the boy across from him, typing away at his phone with a huge grin on his face. Moments later, his phone buzzes and it’s a text from the boy with about a million emojis. He looks up from his phone to meet eyes with Sapnap. They have decided to send emojis based on how they feel when they don’t feel like words do it enough justice. Karl sends a few back: heart, smiley face, panda. The panda doesn’t really mean anything but he feels it makes sense. And he likes the face Sapnap makes when he sees it, confused yet amused.

‘Panda?’ He sees Sapnap's mouth, while Alex continues to complain. Karl shrugs with a mischievous grin that breaks into a soft giggle.

Now, Karl was heading to the field. On his way, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He expects it to be Sapnap, but he checks to see a text from Niki instead.

Niki: Hey Karl!

Me: Hey Niki! What’s up?

Niki: Nothing, I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out soon? Like around 4? We can grab coffee or something?

Karl’s face relaxes, he really likes Niki, and he likes that he’s making new friends. He checks the time: 3:05 Perfect, he’ll just leave before practice ends. He writes back.

Me: Yeah sure! The Starbucks near the school?

Niki: Sounds good! :DD

Karl finds himself standing in front of the field’s entrance, he looks around at his surroundings and takes a deep, cleansing breath. The trees are golden with yellow and orange and a cool breeze brushes across his cheeks playfully.

He sits down at the bleachers and spots him. And he spots Karl, with a flashy look, and Karl wraps himself in his crewneck. There was no doubt in his mind that Nick was the most gorgeous boy he’d ever seen and he’s so glad he’s lucky enough to be just his type.

-

“Why am I getting deja vu?” Says the sweaty athlete as Karl approaches him at the fence separating the track from the field.

“Don’t know, maybe I’m in your dreams,” Karl responds.

“You’re right about that,” Sapnap says, running his hands through his hair. Karl wonders if he does anything to make his hair look like that or if it's all natural. So fluffy and shiny, he wants to let his fingers feel them as he is inches away from his lips-

Nope nope. Not now. Just enjoy the view.

“Yeah but I won’t stick around for long. Last minute plans in a couple,” Karl tells him. Sapnap nods slightly.

“It’s okay, I appreciate you seeing me pretty boy,” Karl’s face grew pink. And Sapnap gave a wink before returning back to the field. God It never feels enough.

-

Karl waits at a table near the window, sipping his coffee for Niki to come back to the table with her drink. He admires the outside surroundings: couples holding hands, birds on top of chess tables near the benches of the pathway, children kicking the autumn leaves around as they bend over to toss some in the air while watching them gracefully float back to the ground. It was a gorgeous day.
“Hey! Sorry, matcha always takes so long to make apparently,” Niki says, scooting into the seat from across Karl. He looks away from the window and gives her a warm smile.

“It’s alright,” Karl assures. He takes another sip of his coffee. “What’s up?”

“Nothing much. Just thought It’d be nice to hang out, now that you're a part of our improv group. You fit well there,” Niki responds, twirling her straw around.

“Aw thanks. I like you guys, you seem fun. Quackity wants me to get out there more and make new friends so he dragged me in, I thought I wouldn’t like it, but I really do,” Karl admits, Niki looks so interesting in his words as she leans in closely when he’s speaking. Karl appreciates it when people listen to him, sometimes he thinks he talks too much and annoys people, this fear isn’t so prevalent when Tommy is around though.

“Yeah I’m glad he dragged you! I like Quackity too,” Niki says, she takes a sip of her matcha and taps her feet a bit, she all of a sudden looks a bit nervous. “Hey, I’m gonna tell you something. If you’re uncomfortable talking about it it’s fine. I just-you look trustworthy and I need to get it off my chest so-”

Karl is filled with curiosity. “Yeah sure what’s up?”

“I uh,” Niki begins, she fixes her hair and breaths in a deep breath. “I like Puffy. Like, like like her. Have a huge fat crush on her,” She admits, Karl is relieved at this, he had no clue what to expect. But he wasn’t surprised, the way they spoke and interacted already seemed like they were dating (just not as touchy and obvious as Dream and George).

Karl grinned. He liked that Niki trusted him enough for this, and of course it makes sense, she wasn’t going to tell Puffy about this. He thought about how cute they would be together. “That’s great!” is all Karl could say.

Niki laughs. “Yeah but I’m uh scared. That she doesn’t feel the same way,” Karl frowns a bit at that, he knows how she feels, how scary it is. Especially when it’s your best friend and you don’t want to ruin anything. Karl once thought he liked Alex for a bit, but he came to the realization that he was just confused at first, and he never felt romantic attractions towards him. But he could tell Niki was sure she knew, by a certain indescribable look in her eyes. Helpless.

“Yeah, i could imagine. But I don’t know, from what I’ve seen you guys already act like a couple. I’m pretty sure she feels the same way-” Karl says, and Niki brightens up.

“Really? I mean like, most people would think I’m confused. Since she’s my best friend of 5 years. I mean I only came out a year ago as bi, some people still think I’m faking it. It’s exhausting. But I know I like her, you know?” Niki puts her head in her hands and shakes it slightly. “Sorry I’m speaking so much, I don’t mean to info dump but-”

“No no I don’t mind at all!” Karl reassures before Niki could apologize again. “I believe you don’t worry. And those people are just nimrods Niki. Trust me,”

There’s a comfortable silence between the two as Niki thinks of something to say back. “I mean, can you tell with liking people? Like how do you know if you like someone?”

Karl’s mind racing with about a million thoughts. Sapnap, how can he describe how he feels about him in words. “Well,” Karl begins. “I just know. Like I look at him and I feel feelings I’ve never felt. It’s unlike anything I could imagine. My heart races, my face heats up, and I overthink. I wonder what it would be like to be closer to him. To feel him on me. To spend the rest of my days with him. I think about him constantly-”

“-And you only overthink when it comes to him, right?” Niki cuts off, Karl looks up at Niki with understandance, like they really get each other in this moment.

“Yeah. And I only overthink when I’m close to him. Like when we are speaking, and I look at him my mind races and it never stops. It’s endless,” He finishes. Niki reaches out for Karl’s hand, and he takes it.

“So how long have you liked Sapnap for?” Niki asks, it’s respectful, her tone. She never feels overbearing with her words. He can tell she’s a real good friend.

“Not even that long Niki, but I’m floating when I’m with him. God I haven’t even held his hand yet!” Niki glows up.

“Are you guys dating?” Karl giggles at her excitement of the idea, she covers her mouth with her hands and squeals.

“I mean, he gave me his number. And said I was his type-”

“HOLY SHIT!!” Niki shouts, Karl chuckles at the volume and at the stares they get from other customers. Niki quickly apologizes to the people around her but turns back to Karl beaming.

“God way to go! I can tell he really likes you,”

“What do you mean?” He asks curiously.

“I mean during practice I often catch him glimpsing at you with this love sick look plastered on his face. And when you guys improvise, he holds himself a certain way. Like he’s way less tense and more freely expressed. I don’t really know the guy that well but George told me he acts different when he’s in improv class. Like more carefree and focused,” She answers and Karl can feel his heart sail, is that all true? Does Sapnap feel different when he’s close to him too?

“Wow uh thanks Niki-” Karl manages to say. “And I’m sure Puffy likes you back. I’m glad you can trust me enough to tell me. I hope you figure it out soon,” Karl feels warm. He’s genuinely happy that he’s making more friends. Especially since Niki is super sweet and can relate to him with relationship and sexuality stuff. It’s nice to have someone to fall back on and support.

“Thanks Karl, now about Sapnap. How cute is he?” Niki teases. Karl’s head dramatically falls into his sweater sleeves and Niki giggles.

Now that’s a topic that Karl can drone on about for hours.

Chapter Text

Somehow, Karl was in the middle of the woods. He didn’t remember how he got there, all he knows is that he’s in the middle of the woods, surrounded by bright and colorful trees. He’s on a bench and he looks up and sees the clouds float way above him, he likes that. He likes knowing how small he was compared to the universe, how insignificant he is. How he’s just a speck of dust on a floating rock. It’s scary to some, but comforting to Karl. He doesn’t want to feel like he matters and like he’s the only person in the world. He just wants to feel real.

But in this moment, he doesn’t feel real. He looks down at his hands, and they are tiny. Small, deformed. He looked at his feet and they were also petite. Then, a mirror appears out of thin air, and Karl’s head is spinning like a top. How did that get there?

Karl doesn’t think, his body moves with his mind. As if he has no muscle control, and he’s in front of the mirror. He sees himself, but as a child. Him when he was 13 years old. And he realizes, this isn’t reality.

He looks around and the forest is spinning. Spinning so fast he feels dizzy and almost sick. Karl hugs himself in an attempt to help him calm his nerves, but it doesn’t help. It doesn’t stop. It’s loud, the whooshing of the trees, and it’s thundering but no rain appears. He starts to notice that the trees are no longer trees of fall, they were dead trees. Not a single leaf was seen, they were dead of winter trees. Trees Karls think are the most depressing things in the world. He realizes it’s not longer autumn, it’s winter. But not December where Christmas is in the air and the warmth of hot cocoa keeps Karl’s sanity in check, brutal winter. February, March, the months where Karl feels alone and depressed. He starts to realize this may mean something more. Karl covers his ears, but the noise grows even louder and he realizes that the more he fears it, the louder it gets.

Then all of a sudden, it stops. The world is still again, like it never was moving. There was no slowing down or deceleration, just a complete stop and it was eerily calm. He could hear birds chirping in the trees above him, he looks up to see the trees were back to yellow and orange. Autumn has returned. He looks back to the bench to see someone he hasn’t seen in 3 years. His dad.
His dad was waiting for him on the bench, with a bright smile and an inviting hand placed next to him. Karl couldn’t believe his eyes. He knew this wasn’t real, it was a dream. But what could he do now? He finally gets to see his dad, after 3 years of mourning and wishing to see his face one last time, he doesn’t want to lose this opportunity. Even if it isn’t real.

He steps forward, he sits next to him. The closeness feels real, feels like it did when he was alive. When they would watch cartoon network at 5 am when Karl couldn’t fall back asleep after a nightmare. When they would play cards at family parties when Karl didn’t want to interact with his overbearing relatives. When Karl would confide in him about his social anxiety before he even knew what anxiety was when he was 10. The day Karl realized life wasn’t all trick-or-treating and picking apples was the day the doctors announced his dad was sick. Life wasn’t fair, Karl realized, crying on the kitchen floor when he found out that his dad didn’t make it. Karl was 13 when he found out that one of the most important people in the world to him was gone from the world, forever. And there was nothing he could do.

“Hey bud,” Karl’s dad says. He places a hand on Karl’s head and Karl starts to tear up. He couldn’t help the tears falling down his face, it just felt too real. He wonders how his body even remembered how it felt to be touched by his dad. Sure it wasn’t THAT long ago, but Karl still couldn’t comprehend it. He ruffles his hair up, and Karl grins. “You grew your hair out kid! I like it longer. Always thought it suited you more,”

Karl knows exactly what he means by that. From the glimpse he caught of himself when he looked in the mirror, he could tell he looked how he did a little after his dad died. When his dad was alive his hair was slightly shorter, but after he died he grew it out. For him. His dad always mentioned how much he likes the longer hair on Karl, so he always kept it long. And he started to like the way it looked too. Kids would mock him for it, call him a girl, but he couldn’t care less. Karl didn’t get a haircut until his mom basically dragged him to a hairdresser two months later when his hair was long enough to get caught on the tags of his shirts. Even then, he kept it pretty long.

He also shared his love for fall with his dad. His dad would go all out for Halloween, with all the spooky decorations and eccentric costumes. He would carve pumpkins in their garage and make it a competition to see who can carve the scariest face. His dad would always win, but he would make it seem like Karl was at least close to beating him. He liked fall because of him.

“Dad,” Karl finally utters. His voice is higher than it usually is, breaking a bit from the crying, his throat feeling a bit sore. Even though the world around him didn’t make sense, his emotions felt so raw and realistic. He feels as if it’s more of a spiritual experience than a dream.

“I miss you so much,” Karl finishes. His dad leans over to hug him, Karl feels the embrace in his bones. He buries his face in his chest, nuzzling it as deep as he can so he’s fully immersed in his hug. He doesn’t cry this time, he just enjoys it while it lasts. He could wake up at any moment, so he lets the moment pass.

“Don’t worry kiddo, October is almost here,” He responds when they let go of their embrace. Karl lifts his head up to find his dad slowly fading from his vision. But before he evaporates for good, he sees him lift his hand to catch a falling leaf from the sky. He gives the leaf to Karl with a wink, and disappears.

Karl wants to sob. He wants to feel it in his eyes, the burn on his cheeks of the heat that emits from the pressure of his emotions flooding out all at once. But he doesn’t, he’s left numb with the looming yet absent presence of his late father. A gone figure from his memory, an empty space next to him. He sighs and tilts his head down, looking at the leaf in his palm.

“October is almost here” Karl repeats to himself, alone, in his subconscious. Outloud to nothing, to a fake scene, to fake air.

He wakes up to the sound of birds chirping, real ones, who lay on their nests outside Karl’s bedroom window by his bed. He checks his phone 8:08 am, October 1st

Chapter Text

It’s October 1st. His dad was right, he didn’t even realize that yesterday was the last day of September. Well he forgot, i guess he knew because last night before he went to sleep Alex texted him, “Wake me up when September ends” which made Karl roll his eyes but giggle at the corniness. Alex always knew what to say to make him laugh, even if it was incredibly stupid.

He opened his eyes a bit more as he stretched his arms out, sprawled out on his bed. It was Wednesday, which was improv day, which made Karl extremely excited as soon as he realized. He sat up in bed and scrolled through his notifications, he saw the Improv snap group chat blow up, he clicked it open.

Quackity: Hey nerds

Snapnap: Well good morning to you too Quackity

Niki_Cat: Morning!

JigglyPuffy: Too. Damn. Early.

Tubbo_: Agreed Puffinator

KarlJacobs_: ???

JigglyPuffy: Don’t ask

RanBOO: What’s up guys?

Quackity: I was just going to tell you guys I can’t make practice today :((

Niki: Damn, why not? :((

Quackity: Detention. APPARENTLY, it’s not okay to call your teacher “estupida perra” to her face :/

Dreamwastaken: Why the fuck would you do that

GeorgeNootFound: Hey just woke up

Quackity: SHE WAS BEING A BITCH OKAY

KarlJacobs_: Why do you take spanish if you’re already fluent?

Quackity: Because I’m lazy and I hate the french

Dreamwastaken: HEY I’M LITERALLY FRENCH DICKWAD?

Wifehaver69: LOL GET REKT DREAM XD

Dreamwastaken: Literally stfu child

Niki: We’ll miss you Quackity ! :(

Wifehaver69: I won’t

Quackity: Any askers?

Tubbo_: I’ll miss you big Q :(

Quackity: I’ll miss only Niki and Tubbo

KarlJacobs_: HELLO?

Quackity: And Karl ig

GeorgeNootFound: I’ll keep Karl company

RanBOO: Sus

Dreamwastaken: I’m right here?

Wifehaver69: LMFAO

Dreamwastaken: I’m blocking Tommy

Snapnap: I’ll keep Karl company

JigglyPuffy: Aw

GeorgeNootFound: Gay

RanBOO: Isn’t that the point?

Niki: Okay i’m muting this now, good luck in detention Quackity

Quackity: Thanks I’ll try not to cry!

KarlJacobs_: Can’t keep making empty promises

Karl closes out of snapchat and sighs, without Alex he’s just with Sapnap. Should he be happy or nervous? He can’t tell.

-

In the auditorium he feels light-headed, he can’t help but feel so close to Sapnap. Their thighs were touching and his hand was inches away from Karl’s. Karl could just reach over to hold it, and finally feel what it’s like to be even closer to him. He looks up at the boy into his green-speckled eyes and he gives Karl a bright smile that makes his heart thump faster than a cheetah in his chest. Karl swears that the boy can read minds as he goes to grab Karl’s hand and his cheeks flush red. The warmth of his palm tingles his colder fingers, he feels the rings that lay on his fingers dig into his. He swore he’d never feel feelings like these before, it was so unknown yet welcoming.

Mr Valez claps, which breaks Karl’s spiraling thoughts. How long was he entranced in the spell that is Sapnap’s warmth? He couldn’t keep track anymore.

“Children! We’re doing fighting dynamics with our duos today, let’s get started with Niki and Tubbo!” Karl and practically the whole room can tell Mr Valez was even bitchier than normal. The energy emitting from him intimidated Karl, and apparently he didn’t feel alone as when he turned to his improv partner, he gave Karl a nervous look with a shrug.

When Karl and Sapnap stepped up on the stage, he felt a bit off. All day he could think about his dream, he would remember parts of it throughout the day. While in French, at lunch, in the hallways while walking with Alex. A flash of a scene would come back to his mind each time, slowly piecing together the whole thing. It made his heart sink. But when he looked at the boy in front of him, with a bright red turtleneck that complimented his eyes ever so nicely, he felt a bit less nerved.

Karl decided to start the scene off with an argument about how Sapnap never did the dishes. Sapnap would comment about how he’s always the one using the dishes, so he should be the one to clean it. This fueled Karl’s acting skills, since he did actually hate it when people don’t help clean up, so he got really into it. He could tell he was a bit impressed with the way his words come out so effortlessly.

The scene went on for a while, they added a bit of humor to brighten up the scene a bit and not leave the audience thinking they were watching an actual fight unfold in front of them. But Karl did not expect what would happen next.

“I will clean the dishes when you cut your hair!”

Karl’s face goes blank, anxiety courses through his veins. He goes pale and tears start to come to his eyes. Just when he thought he had forgotten about his dream, it all came flooding back. The spinning trees and the weight of the world crushing in on him, the extremely loud and harrowing noise that surrounded him, his dad speaking to him, hugging him, then disappearing from his life once more. Karl felt like he could throw up, he was completely frozen. The silence in the room was deafening. A worried Sapnap looked back at him while waiting for Karl to say something, anything, but nothing happened. He felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack.

“Karl, are you okay?” Sapnap asks, breaking character. He steps forward and Mr Valez stands up aggressively.

“Interrupting a scene is super impressional,” He scolds, Sapnap doesn’t bat an eye at him and places his hand on Karl’s arm. Karl starts to tear up. oh god oh god oh my god I’m crying at improv practice, this is horrible. is all his mind could think in during the moment. Karl didn’t want to say anything, he wanted to disappear. So he did, he ran out of the auditorium and into the cold autumn afternoon, that was darker earlier than usual. He paced back and forth outside, trying to calm himself, but he couldn’t. He felt like dying. He didn’t want to upset Sapnap, there’s no way he could have known. He feels stupid that he got triggered by the word ‘haircut’, such a stupid insignifcant word than no one could have understood. And as if it was magic, Karl turned around to find Sapnap standing in front of him with an extremely concerned look on his face, he looks so helpless.

“Karl, what happened, are you okay? Did I say something I’m so sorr-'' Before Sapnap could finish his sentence, Karl threw himself into his arms, sobbing into his chest. Sapnap returned the hug, he squeezed him tighter with love and comfort and sincerity. He wrapped his arms around Karl’s waist and Karl wished he could just simply enjoy the fact the boy was holding him so close. He wishes he could enjoy the smell of his cologne that smells so good. A harsh breeze brushes against his exposed knees of his ripped jeans, but he doesn’t care.

He releases himself to look up at Sapnap with dried tear stains on his cheeks. “Sapnap I-” he starts, voice surprisingly clear even though he swears the tears clogged his throat. “I had a nightmare last night. About my dad,” Sapnap was listening with open ears. He had a look on his face like nothing else mattered in the world, normally that would make Karl nervous to elaborate and vent, but Nick makes him feel safe. Like he’s not a bother, and his words mean more than just sounds.

“My dad. He died when I was 13. Of cancer. And it took me so long to get to closure, clarity. I mourned for years. And last night, he was in my dream. He talked to me, and he told me he liked my hair long. He always did, I almost never get haircuts anymore. But yeah, the dream, i couldn’t remember the whole thing when I woke up this morning. Throughout the day I could remember pieces of it, out there. I could remember all of it. I guess what you said out there-I don’t know-” Karl explained, Sapnap looked like he was on the verge of tears, with the saddest expression on his face, guilt

“I’m so fucking sorry Karl,” is all he said, he could hear his voice break a bit. “I didn’t know, I’m so stupid”

“There’s no way you could have known. Trust me. I feel so stupid for getting so worked up over it-”

“Well you’re not stupid Karl,” he interuptted, with the most genuine tone, it made Karl’s heart flutter. “You’re so valid Karl Jacobs. And I’m sorry I made you feel that way, even if It was accidental. And I’m glad you trusted me enough to open up. I’m sorry about your dad,” He finished. Karl felt close to him once again. His body was dangerously close to his, from the lingering hug they shared. He wiped the leftover tears from his eyes.

“I’m sorry I cried on you,” He said with a light giggle to lighten up the mood, Nick huffed a bit and gave him a warm smile. “And you’re so different Nick,”

Nick gave Karl a confused look. “What do you mean?”

The speckles of green in his eyes sparkle, Karl swears he could drown in them. They're like a maze, he’s so infatuated with Sapnap. It makes him wanna die, he’s convinced if he was lying in his grave waiting for death, he’d still think of Nick’s eyes. “I mean like. You’re different than anyone I’d ever met. I’m so -attracted to you. Like I’m pulled to you. I feel so safe when I’m around you, so comfortable. Like I could say anything and it would matter,” Karl realizes the words he’s saying and wonders if it’s too much. It’s too early. Can these feelings he has for Sapnap mean much more than just a crush?

Sapnap stares back at Karl longingly. Karl feels synergy between the two, like their being pulled in by an unexplainable force. “You matter Jacobs,” He says, and before Karl could predict it, the boy pulls Karl in for a kiss.

A kiss. A wonderful sweet-like-sugar, deep-like-the-ocean, electrifying-like-lightning, kiss. A kiss that filled Karl’s stomach with fireworks, bursting within his core. There wasn’t anything else in the world, the universe, that mattered at the moment. He forgot all about his dream, or any dream for that matter. All he could think of is how close he was to Nick.

Nick. His arms wrapped around Karl’s waist, holding him within their embrace. His lips felt like fire, the heat emitting between them warmed their bodies that were shivering previously from the bite of October. Transition from September to October can be brutal, especially with how Karl’s October started. But now, standing outside their highschool, while their bodies are closer than ever. While they’re connected as one, single unit. Karl couldn’t wait for October.

-

Karl flopped down in bed with the biggest and goofiest smile on his face. His first kiss was better than anything he could have imagined. He feels his heart soar as he recalls the kiss for the 15th time. The heat between their chests, the way their lips connected, and the way it felt when they finally did. Sapnap tasted sweet like whipped cream and his lips were soft. The kiss was so incredibly tender, it lingered on his lips on the bus ride home. He drags his finger on his lips subconsciously while thinking about it and smiles. I’m such an idiot He thinks.

He decides to text Alex the good news since he wasn’t at practice today, and Alex responds almost immediately.

Alex: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME I MISSED IT? FUCK

Me: ahahah yeah, sorry ig :/

Alex: I FUCKING HATE SENORA BITCHASS

Me: You mean Senora Bircha?

Alex: IT MIGHT AS WELL BE THAT WHITE BITCH

Me: Don’t get detention next time?

Alex: She had it coming

Me: Omg you’re in your Cell Block Tango era

Alex: Stop being a theatre nerd for five seconds maybe

Me: no

Alex: Whatever, I’m mad I missed your first kiss. You are no longer a kiss virgin!

Me: Pls don’t call it that

Alex: ;)

Me: Goodbye-

Alex: WAIT NO I’M SORRy

Karl sets his phone down, he cannot deal with Alex at the moment. So he takes a deep breath and let’s his playlist soar through his ears. He hears a buzz from his phone and assumes it’s just Alex begging for him to tell him more about what he missed, but he sees it’s a text from Niki.

Niki: Hey Karl :) Were you okay today? We were all concerned about you :/ you don’t have to answer if you aren’t comfortable, I’m just worried, you looked really scared. Sorry if this is overbearing, I just care a lot <33

He grins. He’s glad that his friends care so much about him and Niki making sure he’s okay. She was so nice going about it as well, making sure he felt comfortable. He never felt so loved.

Me: Hey Niki! :D Thanks for checking up. I’m okay now, Sapnap made it better. It was just, I was reminded of a nightmare I had and it made me very anxious :/ It’s a long story and I don’t wanna bore you with it right now.

Niki: I’m glad you’re okay! And you could never bore me, but if you don’t wanna talk about this right now, or ever, it’s totally fine! You’re okay and that’s all that matters

Me: Thank you Niki :’] Btw was Mr Valez mad that I left early?

Niki: He was really pissy today, but I don’t think he was that mad. He yelled at Sapnap though :<, but he’s fine dw. I’m glad Sapnap helped you out :)

Me: Yeah me too:)

He laid back in back and ran his hands through his hair, beaming brightly. He’s very glad that Sapnap helped him out.

Chapter Text

Karl is beyond happy to go to school today. It was a Friday, and it was finally fall whether. 50 degrees, but still sunny and bright. Occasional cool breezes flew through the crisp morning dew, but it wasn’t harsh or sharp, it was friendly and light. Karl doesn’t take advantage of days like these, so he throws on his favorite sweater, which was oversized with purple swirled with blue and specks of green. He throws on some jeans and converse and steps into the day.

Autumn is finally here, and nothing could make him feel any happier than the feeling the wind turn his cheeks a rosy pink with the sight of warm toned trees scattered across his street. Nothing except-

Karl’s phone buzzed in his pocket.

Sapnap: Good morning :)

Speaking of the devil.

Karl wrote back with some heart emojis and smiley faces. He really can’t mask his excitement; he has to see him again.

Sapnap: I was thinking, you and me at the mall today. I need to get some fall clothes. And you have a great fashion sense so you could be of help.

Me: Are you mocking me <:(

Sapnap: No! I mean it, you always look so good it kills me. Or maybe that’s just you. I bet you could wear a trash bag and still glow.

Karl could feel a blush start to heat his cheeks. It’s getting ridiculous at this point, words on a screen makes him feel more than he’s ever felt before.

Me: stop it will you? o_O I’m walking to school. I’m almost there, like near the courtyard.

Sapnap: Yeah ik, I see you ;]

Karl quickly looks up from his phone and spots the boy with the cocky smile by the bench near the large oak tree that kids go to study at before and after school. He used to go there with Alex a lot for last minute cramming and finishing up work before leaving school to go hang out and enjoy the weekend. He wonders if Sapnap ever did the same thing, and that he just missed him every time. Minute too late, minute too early. God Karl wished he met Sapnap before, his life would have been so much more.

“Hey,” he says so casually. Karl lets Sapnap look him up and down just to meet his eyes again with another confident smirk .”Told you, impeccable fashion sense,”

Karl rolled his eyes with a grin. “You can’t say things you don’t mean Nick,”

Sapnap ran his hands through his hair and stared at the boy once more. “Well it’s a good thing I mean it, now isn’t it?”

Before Karl could refute him, Sapnap pulls Karl closer to him and Karl could feel his heart start to race faster by the second and his adrenaline kicks in. Sapnap pulls him in for a kiss and Karl is beyond surprised. He’d never think ever that Sapnap would be bold enough to kiss him in a place so public. Where people are surrounded and practically pushing each other over to get to their class. He doesn’t mind it, with the whole, “I’ve stopped caring” thing that Karl has going on for the rest of his highschool career. But he always thought Sapnap would be more cautious, but maybe he was wrong about that. Maybe Sapnap was proud to have feelings for the theatre kid who gets good grades and lives an average life. He couldn’t imagine how he could like him back, but he does. And he doesn’t want to think about that right now.

He wants to enjoy the taste of his lips before they part, leaving Karl with a spiraling expression and Sapnap with a bright and glowy complexion. “See you at lunch?” He asks, slowly inching away from him, about to turn to leave. Karl nods, and before he leaves for good, he takes Karl’s hand. He let’s their arms extend out until they were too far and finally lets go, letting them fall to their sides.

4 hours until lunch Karl thinks. I can wait

Lunch rolls around and Karl practically can feel himself buzzing with anticipation to sprint to the cafeteria. He does end up speed walking a bit, getting weird stares from his peers, but he doesn’t care. He ends up at the table, and spots Sapnap who is sat next to George and Dream with a pudding cup in hand.

“Karl! Thank god you’re here. Now tell George that pudding fucking slaps and that he’s stupid,” Sapnap says, and George scoffs.

“Pudding is just glorified chocolate goo. And it’s messy,” George defends. George is wrapped in Dream’s arms, but Dream is ignoring the two and is on his phone instead. So Karl is stuck with the two.

“Just because it’s messy doesn’t mean it’s not good. Ribs for example-”

“Okay yes but it’s just another reason to not like pudding!”

“Another reason besides what? Your points are stupid and invalid. Case closed. Now Karl will you please sit down, you’re worrying me,” Nick says turning to Karl who was just watching the whole discussion unfold. Karl sits next to the boy and Nick puts an arm around his shoulder.

“Karl I do not know how you put up with him. You deserve better, run while you can,” George warns, and Sapnap turns to hit the boy.

“No abusing George,” Dream says and Sapnap rolls his eyes and turns back to Karl, whispering “simp” in his ears before Karl giggles.

He talks to the group for a while until he realizes that Niki isn’t there like usual.

“Do you guys know where Niki is?” Karl asks the group. The table looks around sharing similar confusion, shaking their heads.

“I don’t know, she was here in art today. Maybe she left earl-”

Before Puffy could finish, Niki rushes through the cafeteria doors with a huge bouquet of flowers in her hand like she’s going to a wedding or she's a mom seeing her kid’s play performance. With huffs of air, she arrives at the head of the table, with everyone’s heads towards her. No one knew what to say to the girl, so blank stares were shared amongst the group until Puffy spoke up,

“Niki! Hi! We were just talking about you. What're the flowers for?” Niki blushes deeply. The bouquet was mixed with all kinds of flowers. Lilies, irises, baby breaths, and roses. Red roses.

“Uh well funny you ask because, uh they are for you. Here you go,” Niki hands the bouquet to Puffy who beams at the girl while receiving the flowers.

“Wow thanks Niki! I love roses,” She comments. She smells the flowers, letting her nose get smothered by the petals and smiles. Niki is as red as the leaves on the trees outside.

“Yeah I got them for you because you mentioned how you love roses, but they didn’t have ONLY roses at the store. But I assume you could take the others out or like you know give them away or you know lilies are cool too-”

“It’s perfect Niki! Why did you do this?” Puffy asks. The rest of the table seems to have the same question as everyone is engaged in the two’s interaction. Karl has a feeling Niki is about to confess and he feels his heart light up, Niki must be so nervous.

“Well. I wanted to ask you. If you maybe wanted to, like to go out sometime. Like as a couple. Like romantically,” she confesses, Karl was right. He turns to see Sapnap’s reaction, he was smiling at Niki and when he catches Karl's wandering and curious eyes staring, he raises his eyebrows at Karl which makes Karl smile even bigger.

Karl turns his attention back to the two girls, Puffy has a surprised yet amused look on her face. It breaks into an elated expression.

“Yes, of course. One hundred percent,” she answers. The table erupts into a cheer and applause, the rest of the cafeteria turns to the noise emitting from their table but none of the teens pay any mind to them. All that mattered were the two girls, cuddling up next to each other with roses sat on top of their laps.

Dream held up his chocolate milk in the air, declaring a toast. Everyone raised their drinks: water bottles, sodas, milk, even Sapnap held up his empty pudding cup (George retracting with disgust when the wrapper fell on his arm during the lifting up process). Alex started the toast,

“To Niki and Puffy, who finally got their shit together!” Niki fell back onto Puffy’s chest in response.

“Amen!” Tommy adds. And everyone clinked their drinks (and pudding cup) with glee. That lunch was filled with conversations about how Niki got the flowers and why she was late. Apparently she decided during math to do the whole charade, used her free period to go buy it, but an old man in front of her spilled his milk on the floor.

“ALL OVER THE FLOOR! I was like dude, I have a girl to ask out, can you please be a little less old! I felt bad, but man who just spills a whole gallon of milk on the floor?”

Tubbo comments about how Tommy once laughed so hard that milk squirted out of his nose and Tommy threatened to block him on every social media platform. Ranboo buys a milk carton and asks Tommy to recreate the scene, Tommy gave Ranboo the worst death stare before dramatically leaving the cafeteria.

Karl enjoys his company with his friends and looks back at Sapnap who is doing the same. His dimples show when he catches the boy staring once more.

“Like what you see huh?” He comments. Karl lets his face relax and lifts his hand up to Nick’s chin to tilt it up higher to meet his gaze. “So what if I do?” he teases. He watches as his face turns to a gorgeous pink and laughs him off. Sapnap hides his embarrassment by feigning anger.

“Hey you can’t do that. Plus, you didn’t even answer me before,”

“Yes I can, and about what?”

“The mall dummy,” he responds, biting into his sandwich. “We going or not?”

Karl decides that he would love to pick out clothes that look good on Sapnap, and enjoys that the boy he admires thinks his fashion taste is worthy enough for a second opinion.

“We going,” Karl replies.

-

Karl decides he likes the mall. He likes walking around, holding Sapnap’s hand and going in and out of the brightly lit stores. He enjoys suggesting turtlenecks and sweaters that bring out the boy’s gorgeous eyes. He adores that Sapnap buys him a pretzel and calls him cute for picking apart his pretzel to share some with him. Normally, he doesn’t like the way the workers look at him when he’s browsing the crop top section. Or the loud music and strongly scented perfume that some of the stores exude. Or the feeling of soreness on his dragging feet after walking around for too long. But with Sapnap, all of that doesn’t matter.

“God I need more jewelry,” Nick says, pulling Karl into a jewelry store lazily named, 'Rings and stuff'. When they enter, they are greeted by a dapper-looking older guy into a suit. Sapnap gives the man a small wave before quickly scanning over the rings on display.

“I like those,” Karl says, pointing to shiny silver rings with polished surfaces. Sapnap follows his finger and smirks. “I like 'em too,” he agrees.

“You can customize them. Add your initial or a heart. Whatever you want,” says the suited man. Sapnap turns to Karl with a goofy grin plastered across his cheeks. Karl doesn’t know what the boy is thinking, but something tells him he’s up to no good. He shoots him an unsure look and Sapnap turns to the cashier.

“Can I get two of those? One of them with an S and the other with a K?” He tells him, the man nods and grabs two of the rings from the display.

“No, Sapnap you don’t have to-”

“Karl please. Let me. PLEASE. Niki gave Puffy roses, and I want us to get more talk about the table, we're starting to become old news. This will get them riled up,” he jokes. Karl smiles at the sentiment, he likes the idea that Nick wants to gloat about their relationship and show it off like a golden trophy on the high shelf of his room. On display for everyone to see. Karl wonders if he's Sapnap's trophy. Then Karl starts to wonder some more.

What was their relationship? They like each other, they hold hands, go on dates (he thinks this is a date, is it a date? ). They’ve kissed, twice, and both boys seemed to enjoy it very much. So were they dating? Boyfriends? Trying things out? Karl once again found himself falling down the deep rabbit hole of his thoughts.

Sapnap receives a small bag from the man and thanks him graciously. He checks out, hands the man some money (he doesn’t even want to know how much) and he finds himself being dragged out and onto a bench near the water fountain.

Sapnap unwraps the bag and pulls out one of the rings and motions Karl to open his hand. Karl does so, and he plops the ring in his palm. “There, there’s your S,” he says. Karl grins down at the ring, it was pretty. It was simple, but he liked simple things. He slipped the ring onto one of his empty fingers. His left ring finger, and it fit perfectly.

“See! Fits like a glove, er-a ring. It fits like a ring,” Karl chuckles at the boy.

“Thank you very much Nick, I like it. A lot,” Karl thanks, with a genuine tone.

“I like you, a lot,” he rebuttals. Karl looks back up at Nick and he looks like he’s gonna melt. Karl wonders if Sapnap feels exactly the same things he does when he finds himself hopelessly devoted to him.

“Me too,” Karl says without any hesitation or doubt. “But I wonder,”

“You wonder?”

“I wonder," Karl repeats, "A lot, actually. Especially when I’m close to you. God I overthink and wonder all the time Sapnap. You make me feel things,” Karl finds himself unravelling his thoughts into words out loud. The light drops of the water from the fountain fill his ears as the silence between the two grows. They sit in it for a bit, comfortable. The energy between them feels like static, electric and fizzy. Their tension is thick and he can almost taste it on his tongue, it shocks him a bit. Karl’s emotions start exploding inside of him, but he keeps quiet.

“Well what do you wonder now Karl?” he questions, finally breaking the silence.

“What exactly are we, Sapnap? We’ve been on dates. You like me, I like you. We’ve kissed, held hands. So is this like-a relationship?”

Sapnap bits his lower lip a bit. His hair was extra fluffy today after all the changing of clothes in the changing room, it sticks out a little bit and Karl loves the way it falls on his face.

“Karl,” he breaths out. Fire, his voice fills the air with heat. “Would you like to be my boyfriend?”

Karl finds himself falling once more, but this time in the literal sense.

As the boy asks words he was not expecting, Karl stumbles on top of him. Sapnap catches the boy before he falls to the ground. They find themselves in a position where Karl is dipped upside-down, looking up at the other, and Sapnap is holding onto his back. As if Sapnap were dipping Karl in a dance. They both break into laughter.

“Y-yes I’d be your boyfriend,” He answers.

“Good, 'cause I really needed a salsa partner, and we are already practicing,”

Karl giggles at the absurdity of his words and Sapnap seems to really like his laugh because Sapnap closes the gap in between the two and lets their lip interlock.

Chapter Text

The weekend sneaks up on Karl, but he doesn’t mind. Waking up to the smell of pancakes reminded him that all good things begin with sugar. All good days begin with pancakes. He lifts himself out of bed and heads downstairs.

He finds his mom in the kitchen, with two plates on the counter, stacked with the fluffy flat food. “Morning,” she says brightly.

“I. Love. You,” Karl slowly responds, taking one of the plates and sitting down at the kitchen island.

“That’s what I thought boy,” she responds. Karl fills his face with the food and smiles, he missed her pancakes. She used to make them all the time when he was a kid, almost every morning. But he never grew sick of them, because they were always different. Blueberry, banana, chocolate chip, and one point she even stuffed gummy bears in the thing. Peppermint during Christmas, jelly beans for Easter. and Karl’s personal favorite: pumpkin spice with cinnamon on Halloween morning. She stopped making them after his dad passed, she would make them occasionally, but not as often. Today seemed different for her.

“I missed your pancakes mom. Thank you,” Karl admits. She gives him a kind look.

“I had a dream about him, last night,”

Karl freezes. A dream. About dad. Sounds familiar.

“Tell me,” Karl tries. She sighs deeply, but her expression doesn’t change, it just moves slightly.

“We were in the kitchen. Cooking pancakes, and it was autumn I believe. I remember hearing Spongebob, or maybe it was Adventure time? I don't know-some cartoons, playing in the background. You. You were on the couch, chomping away, while your dad and I just cooked and cooked some more. You looked about 13, not like you now, younger, like before he died. Or even a bit after. You kept asking for more pancakes, like you had 40 stomachs. But we obliged, we couldn’t say no to you. It was nice. Felt real. Or realer than most dreams,”

While his mom went on and on about her dream, Karl could start to feel himself tear up. The way her dream and his dream were connected in some ways. The theme of want from Karl in both dreams, the fact that he was 13 (or at least very much younger) in both dreams, his father giving and providing in both dreams. He wanted to cry at the idea of his mom waking up from the dream, wishing to go back. Wishing it were true. And her deciding to make pancakes for them both. Like she owed it to his father to make them.

When he finished his pancakes, he thanked his mom once more and kissed her cheek. He had decided to go for a walk, since the day was only getting brighter. He wanted to clear his mind, he wanted to feel the breeze against his skin while listening to the neighborhood whisper about tea and cinnamon. Karl reached his favorite park and decided to sit at the picnic table near the large oak tree he used to climb all the time. He remembers playing adventure in it with Alex, getting kites stuck in it, falling off of it and having to get a cast. His childhood tree, he looks up to admire how the leaves fall gracefully from high above. Just when he’s about to relax a bit more, his phone buzzes, once, twice, three times.

Quackity: Uhhh guys

Dreamwastaken: ??

Niki_cat: What’s up?

Quackity: Why isn’t anyone at school today?

JigglyPuffy: Quackity...

Quackity: Puffy…

GeorgeNootFound: Omg you’re so dumb

Quackity: WHAT

Dreamwastaken: Check the fucking date jesus christ

Quackity: OH MY GOD

Wifehaver69: -10000 IQ HAHAHAH IM LAUGHING SO HARD

RanBOO: Can confirm Tommy is laughing very hard

Tubbo_: God help our eardrums somebody save us

Wifehaver69: Shut up you two

RanBOO: No<3

Snapnap: Did Quackity just ask us why we don’t have school on a Saturday or am I dreaming?

KarlJacobs_: You are not dreaming he is that stupid

Quackity: LOOK IT’S BEEN A LONG WEEK

Snapnap: This might be the funniest shit ever hold up-

Snapnap took a screenshot!

Quackity: DELETE THAT

Snapnap: Uh no I like blackmail

Dreamwastaken: Wait send that to me haha

GeorgeNootFound: Send to me too

Wifehaver69: And me

Quackity: I hate this planet and its people goodbye

Tubbo_: Goodbye ! :D

Karl set his phone down and laid his head on top of his arms. He could feel his eyes flutter a bit off to sleep, he wasn’t tired, but the calmness of the air made him feel a bit drowsy. So he closed his eyes.

Karl woke up to the sound of birds chirping right by his head. He looks up to find a bird perched upon the table, looking at him with tiny beady eyes. Karl smiles.

“Hey buddy, what’s up?” Karl asks the bird, the bird fluffs its wings and flies off. Karl scoffs and he shoots his head up when he hears a familiar laugh emit from across the table. He looks up to see Sapnap, with a mischievous grin on his face, in his football uniform. Woah Karl thinks, how did he get there?

“Talking to birds aren’t we? Are you a disney princess?” he says. Karl realizes how embarrassing that was and drops his head back into his arms.

“If you were a disney princess I’d think you’d be sleeping beauty,” he continues to taunt. Karl groans loud enough for Sapnap to hear as a response. “Don’t beat yourself up too much babe, you’re cute when you’re sleeping,”

Karl lifts his head from his arms in surprise. He was not expecting those words to come from his mouth. Babe He could feel himself reeling again.

“Aren’t you supposed to be doing football or something, and leave me to nap with the birds?” He shoots back, before he can begin to overthink as Sapnap leans closer to play with Karl’s sweater sleeve.

“I was doing football, ya doof," Sapnap tells him with a small chuckle. "When practice ended I decided to pass through the park before going home to see the leaves and found my boyfriend knocked out by a picnic table and thought ‘oh this oughta be good’ so here i am!”

As Nick explains why he’s there, making Karl feel all foolish, he sits up in the bench and fixes his messy hair.

“What time is it?” Karl asks.

Sapnap looks down at his watch. “11:30 am, how long were you here for?”

Karl sighs. “2 hours, oh my god,” Nick laughs at him and Karl rubs his eyes. Karl really can't escape his mind while conscious, he has to be knocked out on a bench to feel his mind start to de-clutter. Not that Karl was feeling particularly, cluttered, he just wanted to feel a bit more loose. He seems to only feel alive and free when he's with Sapnap.

“So I assume you’re not busy today?” Nick says, Karl looks at him with curious eyes.

“No, why?”

“Well, I have to admit something to you Jacobs,” he finishes. His heart thumps.

Nick smiles. “I’ve never been apple picking,”

Chapter Text

“Are you serious? Never? Like, never ever?”

Karl couldn’t believe it. Sapnap shook his head at the confused boy in front of him. Karl knows people exist other than himself, he’s aware that people live their lives differently and go through different experiences than him, but he couldn’t get it out of his mind. He could picture little Nick, collecting tons of apples in his little bag. Getting lost in hay mazes, stuffing his face with powdered doughnuts. Just like Karl did as a boy.

Every October he would wait on his heels in anticipation for the perfect autumn day to roll around, the perfect morning to go out into an apple orchard and spend time with his parents to pick the most ripe and delicious apples. Red delicious, Golden delicious, Honeycrisp, Maucuns, Granny smiths, McIntosh, he would pick them until his bag would drag on the ground and his arms would give out. His dad was so strong, he would carry Karl and his mom’s bag when he saw them struggling, he was so unfazed by it. Like he’s done it a million times before.

After his dad died, Karl made a promise to himself. He promised that he’d only do fall activities with people he really cares about. For the past 3 years, he’s been doing them with his mom and Alex. Karl didn’t even have to think twice before he decided that Sapnap is someone he wants to go apple picking with. He’s trustworthy, caring, charming and he’s never been. Karl decided that today was a great day for apple picking.

“Go home, get changed. Pick me up in 15, I know a place,” Karl tells the boy in red and white, who looks up from the ground with an eager smile.

“Make that 10,” He tells Karl. He gets up to kiss Karl’s forehead (which makes Karl feel all fuzzy inside), before he runs off in the opposite direction.

-

“You have a playlist?”

“Yes, I have a car jam playlist. Is that such a horrible crime?” Karl responds. Sapnap shakes his head like he accidentally insulted him. He assumes it was teasing, but Sapnap pulls back.

“No no, it’s just. It’s cute, that's all. I wanna hear this,” he says. Karl rolls his eyes playfully at the boy driving, he plugs his phone into the aux cord and hits shuffle. Ricky Montgomery plays and he’s nodding his head to the beat and looks over at Nick who seems to be enjoying the song with him, tapping the wheel along to the rhythm of the intro.

“You sure you want music? It might distract you from the directions-”

“No, it’s okay. I can hear it fine and I like this song, you’ve got good taste Jacobs,”

Karl smiles at the compliment, he values his appreciation towards his car jam playlist. He appreciates how thoughtful the boy is, not caring about getting lost and caring more about making Karl feel valid in his music taste. He wonders if Sapnap would even care if they got lost, if he would mind getting stuck in the same few lanes with the boy in the car. Alone, together.

Just when he thought his mind couldn’t get any more loud, a song plays, and man oh man do his anxious feelings start to arise again.

“I saw you lookin' for the side door
You didn't wanna stick around for
The rest of the night
I guess that's alright”

Karl whipped his head around towards Sapnap, who had a growing smile on his face. The lyrics sink into Karl’s soul once again, and Sapnap's face glows.

“Who’s this?”

Karl could feel his body heat up, he felt so conscious of everything. His hands, he started to fiddle with his rings, the ring Sapnap gave him. His feet, tapping his feet that were shaking slightly as his anxious state. His face felt like glue, stuck in place.
“Close to you, by Dayglow. It’s good. I like it,” Karl finally spits out, he watches Sapnap as he starts to dance around foolishly to the song. Karl giggles at that.

“You have the cutest laugh ever, you trying to kill me or something?”

Karl didn’t want to kill Sapnap, but he certainly wanted to die right there and then. He was certain that Sapnap, in all his beautiful glory, was the one trying to kill him. With his slightly stubbled chin, and his pretty pink lips, wearing the brightest red flannel shirt Karl has ever seen. He was sure Sapnap was out for murder.

“My laugh is not cute. It’s annoying. You’ll get sick of it eventually. Trust me”

Sapnap just scoffs at that. “I don’t think I could ever get sick of your laugh ever. I don’t think I could ever get sick of you,”

Nick grabs Karls hand and squeezes it, which makes Karl’s heart flutter and soar. He was sure the way Sapnap’s side profile looked when focusing on the road with a tiny smirk on his face was going to melt Karl. The chorus hits, and Karl can feel it all hit him again. The way he felt when he first listened to the song in his bedroom, with the lingering heat of past summer and the image of Sapnap stuck on loop in his mind. He was addicted to the feeling of longing for him, and now that Nick was here. Inches away, he had no clue what to do next.

-

When they arrived, Karl felt just like he used to as a kid. The anticipation rising through his veins as he smells the carnival themed food in the air at the entrance, brightly colored trees surrounding them, people dancing to country and halloween-y songs with their family and friends. It was all fall bliss.

And the best part was he was spending it with Sapnap, right next to him. Holding his hand. Karl showed him around, and Sapnap swore he hasn’t eaten in years, so they grab a couple of powdered doughnuts to split and warm apple cider.

“Holy shit,” exclaims Sapnap after biting into his first cinnamon-sugar donut with glee. “How have I never eaten this before? God where were you all my life?” he says, turning to the doughnut still in hand. Karl laughs at the boy’s dramatics.

“Great right? Here, dip it in the cider now-”

“I’m not dipping it in the cider-”

Before Sapnap could finish his sentence, Karl shoves a cider-covered doughnut in his mouth. Sapnap gives Karl a betrayed look, but it sinks into a satisfied expression when he tastes the combination of flavors.

“God Karl, what the hell. I should’ve met you earlier. You’re a fucking genius. A gorgeous genius,” He remarks, licking his lips of the remains of any sugar.

“Stop saying that,” Karl comments, hoping that a cool breeze would come along to wipe away the pink of his cheeks.

“I only speak the truth here,” Sapnap adds. He lifts Karl’s chin up and looks him in the eyes. His eyes, like emeralds. Burning, but green like the earth. So deep and mesmerizing he feels as if he’d need a map to navigate his way out of them. “Has anyone ever told you how pretty you are, genuinely? You need to know how pretty you are,”

Karl is set aflame. “No, uh no one has ever. Said that to me before,” he answers.

“That’s a shame. Either everyone is too afraid to tell you, or they’re fucking blind,” Sapnap tells Karl, breathlessly, he leans in and their lips connect. Their energy pulling them closer, Karl hears a symphony in his ears. It soars.

-

The day was so perfect. Apple picking is how it always is with Karl, the only difference is that Sapnap is by his side. Sapnap makes for an amazing apple picking companion as he's new but excited and intrigued in the autumnal traditions. Karl picks more apples than he can count, Sapnap is concerned and the amount. He asks if he’ll even eat them all, Karl states how if he won’t finish he’ll make them into a pie. Sapnap smiles at the boy,

“I love pie,”

Sapnap showers Karl with a million compliments explaining in detail how pretty Karl looks in the sunlight on the orchard, Karl attempts at getting back at him by calling him “a hot lumberjack” in the flannel and jeans combo. It worked.

Sapnap ends up carrying Karl’s bag on the way to check out. They dance to some country jigs and end up square dancing (something Karl didn’t know he could do until then). They partake in trying to find their way out of a hay maze. They were pretty lost at first, but eventually they ended up following around an old couple that helped them out immensely. Sapnap joked that Karl and him were just the younger and hotter versions of the couple, it made Karl choke on his cider.

On the hayride to the pumpkin patch, Sapnap held Karl’s hand the whole time. Squeezing it whenever bumps came along, which reassured Karl that even he had his fears. They make each other feel so safe.

Sapnap picks out his pumpkin, which was big and chunky with a huge stem. Karl’s was a bit smaller and thinner with a stem that looked so fragile that it could snap in half at any wrong move. Sapnap pointed out how different their pumpkins were and Karl said they looked like they were forbidden lovers.

“How about Jack. Is Jack a good name?” Sapnap asks Karl. Karl mentioned how every year he names the pumpkins they pick out. He names the pumpkins he doesn’t carve so he doesn’t get attached. Sapnap felt the need to follow in Karl’s footsteps, as Karl was the expert when it came to fall traditions.

“Jack?” Karl repeated in a mocking tone.

“What? Like lumber jack. Cus’ he’s all jacked. JACKED. See it’s perfect-”

“Jack. Jack O’ Lantern?” Karl points out. Sapnap groans in realization.

“I didn’t even think about that. You right, you right,” Karl smiles, of course he is. “Any bright ideas?”

“Romeo,” Karl says. “And mine is Juliet. Forbidden lovers.”

Sapnap grins wide, and stops in his tracks. Confused, Karl stops as well, and Sapnap pulls him into a quick yet sweet kiss. He tastes of cinnamon sugar and apples.

“Gorgeous genius Jacobs!” He shouts, wrapping his arms around the other, engulfing him in a side hug. Karl was starting to like the pet name.

-

“God look at that idiot. Who wears tweed anymore?” Sapnap questions, pointing to the guy in line in front of him. Karl gives Sapnap a goofy laugh and leans his head into his chest, letting it rest there. Warm, how is he always so god damn warm?

“No one who lives in this century,” Karl jokes back. “No one except-”

Karl’s eyes widen as the man in front of them turns around.

“Mr. Valez!” exclaims Karl, answering Sapnap’s query while greeting him at the very same time. He can hear Sapnap almost choke on air next to him, Karl tried his hardest to keep a poker face and contain his laughter.

“Ah my favorite improv students!” their teacher greets back. Mr Valez was only looking at Karl when saying it, giving him the assumption that he only meant him, but didn’t want to come off as rude.

“Hello! We were not expecting to see you here. What’s up man?” Sapnap finally speaks, and Karl was close to hitting him. He had a feeling Mr. Valez would not appreciate Sapnap calling him “man” so casually.

“I’m good, I’m good. Just here to pick up some cider. My daughter loves the stuff. You guys here on a date?”

The question makes both boys blush immensely and look at each other speechless. How did he know? Were they that obvious.

“Oh come on guys. Like it’s not obvious? Part of my job is to observe body language. You guys are stuck together all the time during practice. You guys are almost as touchy as Dream and George!”
Karl hasn’t really thought about how they appeared to others. The way they’d hold hands and exchange glances during their scenes and while watching their peers perform. Looking back, they do seem to be attached at the hip. He doesn’t mind it all, but does Sapnap care? Touch is a pretty prevalent part of relationships for Karl, his love language being physical touch. Even in platonic relationships, like with Alex and kinship with his Mom and with his Dad. He likes to show his love through sweet touches, did Sapnap notice that about him?

He turns to the very boy that his mind can’t stop pining on, and he’s smiling. He’s smiling his gorgeous smile. Like he’s proud to be with him, like he doesn't have a care in the world that they just had one of the worst interactions with a teacher ever.

“Uh yeah. I guess we are here on a date-”

“Next in line!” The lady at the counter shouts, cutting Karl off, thankfully.

“Welp, that’s me! Enjoy the rest of your date you two! See you guys on Monday!”

And with that, he goes to checkout. Leaving the two standing there, unaware of what just happened.

“Well, that was something,” Sapnap states, Karl laughs lightly.

“Yeah, can you believe he knew we were dating? Are we that on-the-nose?”

Sapnap raises his eyebrows. “I’m not surprised. We are very ‘on-the-nose’, and I don’t mind it at all. I love it. I love the way people look at us when we’re in the hallways. I love showing off my smart and beautiful boyfriend,”

Karl doesn’t have anything left to say. So he doesn’t say a word.

-

Karl is texting Alex on the way home in the car, while Beach Bunny fills the car.

Me: Yea and we got pumpkins, they are so cute :D

Alex: You gonna carve a small hole in that?

Me: What?

Alex: So you can fuck it. Like the pumpkin-fucker you are ;)

Me: What is wrong with you answer quickly

Alex: You know I’m fucking hilarious

Me: You are definitely something

“Who you texting?” questions his boyfriend.

Karl looks up from his phone to find the car has come to a complete stop. They are parked near a field, and he looks out the window to find the stars filling the night sky, scattered across the world like splattered paint on a canvas. When did it get so dark out? Karl could swear it was 1 pm like 30 minutes ago, fall nights sneak up on him like a sly snake to an innocent rabbit.

“Alex. Why did you stop the car?” he shoots back.

“To surprise you,” Sapnap replies. He puts the car into park and stares into Karl’s cloudy eyes, reflecting even in the dark. “Let’s go,”

“Where?-” Sapnap slams the door behind him, Karl quickly follows the boy who is fetching blankets from his trunk.

“Up there,” he answers, pointing to the top of his truck. Sapnap throws the blankets on the roof of the car and climbs up, holding his hand out for Karl to take. Karl gives in, and Sapnap pulls the boy up so effortlessly. Perks of dating a football player.

Blankets spread across the surface, Sapnap lays down and Karl follows suit. He couldn't even begin to express about how thoughtful it was for Sapnap to think of doing this for him. The boy kills him. Face up to the sky, they can see the stars so clearly in the sky now. So enhanced, so breathtaking.

“So breathtaking,” Karl says, out loud this time. The constellations form such beautiful pictures, it made Karl feel like he was in a movie.

“Just like you,” Sapnap whispers, Karl turns to him with sparkling eyes. “And before you tell me to stop I will not. Not any time soon,”

“Promise?”

Sapnap wasn’t expecting that response, so his breath hitches when he says, “Promise, forever and always,”

This makes Karl’s insides feel like a jungle gym, his heart strings being tugged and his stomach buzzing in the most delightful ways. He wants so badly to feel the heat that Sapnap always seems to produce when he’s by his side, so Karl tugs his flannel close enough for their noses to brush and their chests to collide, leaving no gaps left in between the two. Finally connected like puzzle pieces.

The heat begins too much for Karl to handle, but he’s hooked, like Sapnap is a drug. He tastes like the sweetest things in life, like the things that only come from his dreams. He’s convinced Sapnap was an angel sent from above. To make him feel on edge, all the time, yet making him feel more at ease with himself. Anticipation haunts his mind when the boy is close. His converse being lifted on the ground, as if he were floating, when his name slips from his lips.

Falling so hard and so fast has never felt this safe to Karl. When they part, Sapnap suggests an encore, by running his hand through Karl’s hair and leaning into his lips once more. Kisses are all that fill their time, light and gentle ones, intense and passionate ones. Over and over.

Soon their hips are one, and Sapnap shifts his view of Karl from the side to right on top of him. Staring down at the boy with desire and so much love. Love that Karl doesn’t know is temporary or not. Heat of the moment hunger or something deeper, more meaningful. He doesn’t care, he wants to feel all of Sapnap.

Sapnap decides to leave marks on the boy, on his neck, down to his collarbone, and their lips meeting again once more after he finishes. Karl doesn’t know where he is, but he assumes it’s Cloud 9, as pleasure fills his body, shocking his core. Karl gives back to him, he kisses Sapnap so hard he wonders if his lips are bruised. He bites his lip and Sapnap caresses Karl’s thigh in exchange.

After a while, they end up tired, in each other’s arms. Karl’s head rested on top of Sapnap’s chest, he nuzzles it deeper with a heavenly hum. Sapnap leaves a gentle kiss on top of Karl’s head.

Karl looks back up to the sky, "Look that's Orion's Belt," he says, pointing to the constellation above their heads that forms in the shape of a belt.

"Wow. You're so smart. Only you would know where that is,"

"It's a pretty common constellation actually, it's not hard to spot. Like the Big Dipper. See?" Karl mentions, pointing to the Big Dipper that's on the other side of the sky. Sapnap follows his finger.

''You're just like the stars. Shining brightly. You're a star Jacobs,"

Karl smiles. "If I'm a star then I guess I shine for you huh?"

"Just for me?" Sapnap asks, getting so incredibly close to Karl's mouth that his core started to ache.

"Just for you. Forever and always,"

They share another loving kiss before drifting off into slumber. Karl at peace with the world, surrounded by blankets and engulfed in his boyfriend's arms.

Chapter Text

Karl wakes up, in Sapnap’s arms. It’s cold. The air seems heavy on his body, pushing him down further, digging his head further into Sapnap’s chest.

He hears a whine emit from the boy he’s on top of, as he opens his eyes slowly to see Karl there, admiring his sleepy state. His hair is a mess, but a cute mess, the way it’s all staticy from the fuzz of the blankets and his sleeping habits plotting to make his hair stick out every which way. Sapnap looked even more cute to him in the morning, cuddling up, sharing their warmth.

“Morning,”

His voice. Deep and raspy, it made Karl want to squeal. He hid his cheeks with his sleeve and let his eyes smile for him.

“You have the prettiest eyes, they are blue, but have tickles of grey. Like a storm in an ocean. Your eyes make me a poet,”

Karl giggles into his sleeve. “Good morning to you too,”

-

Karl hops out of Sapnap’s truck. He turns around to wave back at the boy before leaving to his house, but he notices that he is gone from the car. He tilts his head in confusion but sure enough, feels a light tap on his shoulder. He spins around to see Sapnap in front of him and he could feel his heart start to race.

“Thanks for taking me apple picking,” he thanks the taller boy, “It was a great time. You made my first time all special, and I appreciate the gratitude,” His tone of voice was so alarming, so raw and candid.

“Yeah of course,” Karl shakes his head to get his hair out of his eyes, he really needs to get a haircut soon. “I love apple picking,”

“Yeah well I’m glad you love apple picking, because I also love apple picking,”

Karl has a feeling he wasn’t just talking about apple picking anymore.

-

The days fly by like the leaves blowing in the crisp air of October. These days are filled with so much love. Karl’s days were spent surrounded by people he adored. Sapnap, Alex, his mom, and his new improv friends. They are filled with fun practices that he actually looks forward to every week. They are filled with much more fall activities, mostly with his boyfriend.

Him and Sapnap watching horror movies and eating discounted Halloween candy, late night diner dates, picnics in the park, football game victories and celebrations. Alex even managed to drag Karl to Dream’s homecoming party after the game and the dance (which Karl was already dead tired from). He ended up by Sapnap’s side the whole time, which he didn’t complain about one bit.

These fall memories he knew would stick with Karl forever.

It was the end of October and Karl could feel the anticipation of Halloween creep up on him. Karl loves Halloween, and he had a feeling he was going to love it even more with someone new and exciting by his side.

“Karl, KARL! EARTH TO KARL JACOBS,”

Karl lifts his head from the desk he was laying on. He was finished with his history test, and he finished the book he brought with him to school that day, so he decided to take a quick nap before lunch. A nap, interrupted. By a very bored Alex.

“You free after school today?”

This question was stupid, he wasn’t. Today was an improv day, and Alex should know since he’s also in improv with him.

“Uh no, we have improv today,” replies Karl, a bit groggily from the resting state he was in. Alex’s face quickly flashes pale and Karl gives the boy a concerned look.

“Uh yeah, about improv-”

“SHH! Students are still taking tests Alex!” Ms. White scolds. Alex gives a worrying and apologetic wave to her before turning back to Karl with a guilty gleam in his eyes.

“About improv,” he continues, whispering this time. “I got kicked out,”

“YOU WHAT,”

“Jacobs!”

“Sorry!” Karl gives a similar wave and clears his throat, lowering his voice. “How did you get kicked out?”

“I don’t know! I kind of been slacking in practice lately, and I don’t think Mr. Valez likes me much-”

“But he doesn’t like Sapnap, and he’s still in,” Karl mentions, Alex shakes his head and gives a small huff.

“That’s because of you Karl,” he raises. Karl scoffs. “Mr. Valez knows you two are dating now-according to your little apple picking fiasco-so he knows you’d probably quit if he kicked him off,”

Karl crosses his arms. He would like to think that he wasn’t the only reason Sapnap lasted this long with Mr. Valez without getting booted. But maybe Alex was right.

“Whatever,” is all Karl says after a while. “We can hang later, okay? Sorry about improv,”

“It’s okay, I didn’t care for it much anyway,” Alex admits. Karl was even more puzzled, if he didn’t care so much about improv, why did he practically drag Karl by his feet to go? He has a feeling that Alex had an ulterior motive, but honestly Karl was too damn tired to think about his friend’s schieving plans. So he drops his head back into his sweater sleeves.
-

“You know Karl, that’s the third time you’ve gotten a strike. You’re out!”

Karl swings around and his sneakers give a squeak on the slick, glossy bowling alley floor. “That’s not how bowling works you nimrod,” he tells Alex. Alex shakes his head in disagreement.

“No I’m pretty sure it’s three strikes Karl. Haven’t you ever read the bowling rule book?”

“No ‘cus I’m not a nerd-”

“Says straight-A Jacobs,” Alex taunts. Karl plops down next to the boy, thumping him in the head.

“Another strike? Damn, you’re out Karl,” Sapnap joins in, looking at the bowling animation on the screen, holding 3 slushies in his hands. “I brought the stuff,”

“FINA-FUCKING-LY MAN,” Alex practically screams, furiously grabbing his slushie and slurping it within seconds. Sapnap and Karl share a laugh at the boy, wearing a hawaiian shirt in the middle of fall.

“There was an old man in front of me, he took forever to count his change,” Sapnap defends. He hands Karl his slushie, cherry mixed with coke, and Karl accepts it graciously.

“Same old man who made Niki late to lunch?” Karl asks. It’s been a while since Niki asked Puffy out, but the whole thing felt like it happened yesterday. They were happier than ever, holding hands in the hallway in-between classes, sharing food at lunch, Niki making matching bracelets for them. They even went on a double date with Karl and Sapnap to the theatre, let’s just say they didn’t do much movie-watching then.

“Honestly it might have been, this town is too fucking small,” Sapnap responds. He wasn’t wrong. Alex flies to his feet after a minute of sucking his straw aggressively. “Alright! Now watch the master,”
Sapnap and Karl observe as the boy misses the pins stupidly.

“Nice one Sensei Quackity,” Sapnap teases. Alex gives Sapnap a not-so-friendly hand gesture. Karl smiles at his friends.

Tomorrow was Halloween, and he could feel excitement burn his cheeks. The two boys had planned to eat a bunch of junk and watch horror movies during the day and then go to a Halloween party during the nighttime. They had a couples costume planned out, and Karl pictures the costume sitting in the back of his closet, waiting for the 31st to roll in. His eyes shimmer.

“You look full of life Karl,” Sapnap notices. “You like watching your best friend fail?”

Karl laughs. “Actually yes I do, but I’m just thinking about tomorrow. I can’t wait,”

“Yeah, your favorite holiday, hm?” Karl loves that he remembers. Sure it’s obvious with his whole personality being an autumn-enthusiast, but he remembers that it was one of the first facts that Sapnap had learned about him on the first day they met. It felt like forever ago, with how close they’ve grown.

“Yup! And I get to spend it with you!” Karl states. Sapnap breaks into a huge grin.

“I love how excited you are. You get to see me all the time Karl. How are you not sick of me?” Karl didn’t even want to answer. How could he get sick of him?

“Sick of you? How are you not sick of me! I’m clingy,” Karl counters. The brunet rolls his eyes at him.

“You fuel me Jacobs. You give me energy, a purpose. Before I met you I was just some guy . But now, now I’m your guy,”

Now it’s Karl’s turn to roll his eyes back. “Please, that was so cheesy. Even for you,” Sapnap bites a smile and goes to mess up Karl’s hair but Karl retaliates by grabbing his slushie and taking a sip. His face turns to disgust.

“Ew cotton candy?” Karl winces.

“What’s wrong with a little more sugar?”

“Oh you love all the sugar, mr. 4 stevias-”

“Aw you remembered!” Sapnap says, holding his hand to his heart in a faux-loving manner.

“Hey you two! Stop flirting, it's your turn to go,” Alex interrupts, turning to Sapnap.

“Now watch the REAL master do his thing,” he says with a wink.

“You two are the worst,” Karl whines.

He was lying. They were the best.

Chapter Text

Halloween was finally here, and Karl’s body basically flung out of bed when he awoke with the realization.

He loves this day so much. He cracks open his window to feel the cool breeze and hear the birds chirping. Excitement rattles his bones as he begins to feel the rush of the holiday fuel his system with enough energy to run around his room, blasting a fall playlist Niki made for him a while back. It was full of jams, and he thanked Niki immensely for the kind gesture. She mentioned to not worry about it and how it was more of a ‘thank you’ gift for giving her sound advice about her crush.

He sprints to his closet, his school allows costumes on Halloween, and he never turns down the opportunity to feel like a kid again and wear his costumes while doing stupid school stuff. It’s a couple costume, because damn was he and Sapnap getting all gushy with all the romance stuff. He remembers them coming up with ideas not so long ago.

-

“So, do you wanna do a couples costume for Halloween?” Sapnap asks with wide eyes. Karl wasn’t expecting the boy to bring it up, he had previously mentioned that he needed to look for halloween costume ideas on pinterest soon, but they were just chilling on Karl’s couch then. They were cuddled up in blankets, drinking hot cocoa while Sapnap read a book and Karl scrolled through twitter. He loved doing those kinds of things with him.

“Uh yeah that sounds like a great idea!” Karl answers. And it did. He likes that Sapnap thought they were close enough to something like this, even if it seemed so small and insignificant. It wasn’t to him. Sapnap had heard Karl rant about his love for Halloween and the dressing up over and over. Karl would always apologize for ranting too much, Sapnap would reassure him that he loved hearing Karl ramble, about anything at all. He loved seeing Karl speak about his passions, no matter how silly they seemed to a blind eye.

“Great! I was thinking about it actually,” Sapnap started, he pulled up a list on his notes app. Wow, he really did think about this Karl found it so freaking endearing. “I mean, all of these seem pretty basic. But there’s this one,” he points to a bullet on the list that reads, ‘Prince Gumball and Marshall Lee’. Karl smiles goofily, the gender-bent version of Princess Bubblegum and Marceline from Adventure Time. One of Karl’s favorite shows. He realizes how much they resemble the couple. Karls’ more soft and light appearance compared to Sapnap’s dark and edgier one. Of course the idea made Karl feel all fuzzy inside.

“I freaking love it,” is all Karl says. Sapnap plants a kiss on his cheek.

“Yeah? Like from Adventure Time, I know how much you like cartoon networks. I think I’d make a good vampire dude and you a good prince,”

Karl ruffles Sapnap’s hair up playfully. “Yeah, and if you get fangs and a flannel. You’ll rock the look,” he told him.

“Well then let’s go shopping,”

-

Karl puts his costume on. It’s simple, a pink assemble. A pink vest under a button up white shirt with some pink corduroys he bought while he went shopping with Sapnap. He places a small crown on his head and looks in the mirror, smiling to himself.

Karl runs downstairs. His mom was waiting for him in the kitchen with pumpkin-spice pancakes on a plate, just for him.

“Nice costume,” His mom compliments and he returns the compliment back, observing his mom’s witch costume.

He scarfs the food down with a grin plastered on his face. He feels like a kid again with all the energy, and sugar, making him feel hyper. Excited for the day to start, instead of waiting for it to be over, like how he used to see the world. A bit after his dad passed, and long before he met Sapnap.

He hears a honk, and must be Sapnap. Sapnap picks him up almost every morning ever since they started dating. They pick up Alex on the way, when Alex isn’t dead set on walking, and usually stop for coffee or a quick snack before proceeding to school. Usually it would make Karl really nervous to not go directly to school in fear of being late to class because of the delay, but he doesn’t care much anymore if his peers eye him when walking into art class a little late. Especially while he’s holding Sapnap’s hand.

He hops in the passenger seat, flinging his backpack in the back, and Alex already in the car.

“Ouch asshole, you almost hit me!” Alex exclaims. Karl whips his head around to see the boy dressed up as a clown. Karl laughs. Dream had joked that he should dress up as a clown after going to school on a Saturday and Alex responded with a ‘bet’ and decided to actually go through with it. Karl asked him exactly why the hell he would actually do it, and Alex says he really couldn’t care less about the holiday to think of any other costume ideas.

“Sorry, didn’t see you there Ronald McDonald!”

Alex scoffs at his comment. “Ah yes, because the world around you doesn’t matter. Just your boyfriend,” Alex playfully teases. He laughs at that, but then turns to Sapnap and sees him in his costume, and can’t help but half-agree with the statement.

His hair was messier than usual, made purposely so to match the character he was displaying. He was wearing an oversized flannel with a black tee underneath. Sapnap flashes him a smile, showcasing his fangs, and Karl never knew he could like vampires like that before now.

“Brought you a hot chocolate,” Sapnap says, breaking him from his thoughts. He spots the cup in the holder beside him and lifts it to take a sip. “Thanks,” he responds with a kind tone.

“Anything for my prince,” he says, words laced with honey. Sweet and tender. “Looking great in your costume,”

“You look better,” Karl says, without thinking. Or he says what he was thinking. Either one of the two. Sapnap gives Karl a fond look, and Alex groans.

“Let’s just go to school, please,” he croaks.

-

“Nice to see you in your true form Quackity!” George greets the three as they enter the school.

“Maybe fuck off?” responds the boy.

“Damn I didn’t know you’d actually go through with my suggestion-” Dream butts in, as he turns the corner to see the group cultivated by the lockers.

“Don’t flatter yourself Dream, I never go out for Halloween. I’m no Karl,”

“Yeah and Karl doesn’t look like Pennywise the clown,” Says puffy from behind.

“Oh you too? And what are you supposed to be? One of little boo peeps’ sheep?”

Puffy rolls her eyes. Dream and George are also in a couple costume, an angel and a devil. A bit cliche, but still cute. George convinced Dream he was more of an angel and Dream agreed to go as the devil, but mostly because he was simple and bad at arguing with George. Puffy is a sheep, Karl thought the costume fit her persona pretty well. Soon, Niki joined the crowd, she’s dressed as Pikachu, Karl thought it was cute. Karl assumes Puffy agrees with him as she blushes deeply upon seeing her.

The day went on, and it was great so far. When lunch rolled, he got to see all their costumes in their full glory. Along with the others he hadn’t seen in the morning. Ranboo as slenderman (recommended by Tubbo), Tubbo as Tweek from South Park, which he talks about all the time at the lunch table, so Karl wasn’t surprised to see it. Tommy decided to go as the signature ghost costume from the movie “Scream” in an attempt to scare people. So far he has scared no one, but he’s determined to try to get his very old science teacher.

After school, Karl comes home and gets the house ready for Sapnap to come over later. He had football practice, but promised he would come over afterwards. Karl doesn’t rush home, as he likes to see the kids run around town frantically, hyper for sugar (which they didn’t really need, with all the energy they already had). The whole vibe of Halloween makes Karl feel all warm inside.

He had two bowls of candy on his kitchen counter, one labeled ‘for trick-or-treaters’ the other labeled ‘for karlnap :]’. His mom had promised to be in charge of the trick-or-treaters while Sapnap and Karl watched horror movies and chow down on the candy. In the meantime, Karl decides to carve a pumpkin. A huge one his mom brought home. He loves carving pumpkins, the feeling of emptying their guts was calming in a way, even if it was all slimy and slippery in his hands.

Once the pumpkin was all cleaned out and smoothly polished, he had begun carving a scary(ish) face into the front.

“Kind of looks like Mr. Valez,” A voice jokes from behind Karl.

Karl almost dropped the knife in surprise, instead, he jumps a bit before realizing who it was. “Sapnap! I almost dropped it! How did you get in here?” Sapnap laughs at the boy, all in distress. “Your mom let me in,” he explained. Karl gives him a “i’m still mad at you for scaring the hell out of me” look and Sapnap sighs. He pulls Karl in for another sugary sweet kiss, as a peace offering, a wonderful apology.

“Sorry! At least I know I’m better at scaring people than Tommy,”

“Yeah and you didn’t have to dress all scary to do it,” Karl adds, eyeing the boy once more in all his vampire-y glory. He looks SO good, how did I get so lucky Karl thinks.

“I like it though. The pumpkin. Didn’t know you were so good at carving,” Sapnap says drawing a finger across the details of the carving.

“It’s one of my many talents you don’t know of yet,”

Sapnap just raises a brow at that, roughly translating to: what the hell is that supposed to mean, hm?

Karl giggles into the boy. “You pick out the first movie, I’ll finish this up,” he tells him, Sapnap obeys, leaving Karl alone with his racing thoughts.

-

Karl and Sapnap spent the following hours bingeing the worst and best horror flicks they could find and eating a butt load of candy and apple cider. Karl cuddled in Sapnap’s arms, Sapnap would bury his face in Karl’s hair whenever a scary part would come on. Karl had seen these movies hundreds of times before, the same scenes, the same jumpscares, he’s got it all memorized at this point. So he doesn’t get scared at horror movies anymore. But he quite enjoys the new movie-watching experience with his boyfriend, having someone to comfort when they get all jittery, he quite likes it a lot.

When the sun starts to set, Karl manages to drag both himself and Sapnap off the couch and outside to place the Jack O’ Lantern lit with a single vanilla-scented candle on the porch. He watches the children of the neighborhood run around town, screeching for more and more candy from the poor adults who have to deal with them.

Sapnap’s phone buzzes, Karl feels it through his pocket as they sit close to each other on his porch swing.

“Who is it?”

“Dream,” Sapnap answers. He picks it up.

“Yeah-yeah. Oh? Okay. Are you sure? Oh okay, well sure I guess. I’ll ask,”

Is all Karl hears on the receiving end.
“Dream has had the miraculous idea of throwing a Halloween party without telling us about it and now apparently wants us to go. Now,” he explains. Karl smiles, he’s never been to a Halloween party before. He thinks it’ll be something new and different. He figures it’ll be okay, as long as Sapnap is there.

“Yeah sure!” Karl excitedly responds. “Can we bring Alex?”

“I don’t see why not,”

“Great! Let’s go!” Karl jumps up and holds his hand out to help him up.

Sapnap grins up at him, “You seem all hyper,”

“Maybe it’s the candy,” Karl speculates. “Or nerves. I’ve never been to a Halloween party-but it should be fun! Plus we have nothing else to do. And it’s only 5 pm. And it’s Friday, no school tomorrow. Which means we don’t have to worry about times, and-”

“Yeah it’s definitely the sugar,” Sapnap laughs. “But I like it, I love it when you speak. Especially like that. All fast and giddy. You’re so damn cute,” Sapnap finally takes Karl’s hand and pulls himself up, landing on his feet, his eyes meeting the sun glowy dim of Karl’s eyes. Faces inches apart, longing for more.

“Yeah well, I think you look cute in your costume,” Karl admits, his face flusters immediately at the reaction of the other. Eyes wide, biting back a smile.

“Well then we should head to the party, and you get to see all this,” he gestures down at his body, which makes Karl giggle. “On the dance floor,”

“You don’t dance-” Karl counters.

“Oh try me Jacobs,”

“-Well now I gotta see this,”

“And you will, let’s go,” Sapnap says with a tug of Karl’s hand.

Chapter Text

Karl is holding Sapnap’s hand when they step inside Dream’s house. He’s never been to his house before, and it’s freaking huge. He’s never recalled Dream mentioning that he was loaded before, which surprises Karl, since Dream is always one to brag. He’s a Leo.

He hears music blasting from the speakers in the living room, the house dimmed with purple led’s, setting the spooky, chill vibe of the party. He liked it a lot, he liked the adrenaline coursing through his veins as Sapnap squeezes his hand to check if he was okay. He appreciates the concern, but reassures Sapnap of his worries by turning to the boy with a goofy smile.

“Can we get drinks?” Karl asks, feeling ever so bold to climb out of his comfort zone and let loose. It was his first huge party after all, the homecoming party was a little less intense, as it was way later, and most people were too tired to go. He didn’t drink then, neither did Sapnap, they mostly just hung around, playing truth or dare. He had a feeling that tonight was a different atmosphere, as the house was crowded with dancing teens wearing all kinds of stuff. He adores the energy.

Sapnap smirks, “Already? Hell yeah. That’s what I wanna hear!” he hypes up, Karl rolls his eyes playfully as he’s dragged to the drink table.

“What’s this?” Sapnap asks Dream, pointing to the big bowl that looked like punch, with other substances mixed into it. Dream had his arms wrapped around George, and looked up at the two boys with a bright expression.

“Sap! Karl! Good to see y’all made it,” Dream says, George looks over and gives them a warm smile and a small wave “It’s punch and vodka, mostly vodka. Pretty strong, Callahan brought it,” he explains.

“Well then” Sapnap says, turning to Karl with a curious look. “You good with that?”

Karl nods, Sapnap pours them each a drink and they clink cups. The other boy downs in pretty quickly, feeling all buzzed from the rush of the alcohol on his lips. Karl hesitantly sips, and Dream isn’t wrong, it’s quite strong. But Karl ignores the feeling deep down telling him he can’t handle it, and swigs the cup higher, forcing the drink to run down his throat abruptly. It stings, burns, but he likes the feeling. He looks over at his boyfriend with buzzing nerves and shifty eyes that eventually land on the boys soft green orbs.

“Wow,” Karl exclaims.

“Hm?” The other hums, staring back with an intriguing look. He looks as if he’s studying Karl’s intricate facial features, his eyes bouncing to his lips to his neck back up to his eyes.

“You’re eyes, they’re so beautiful,” Karl doesn’t understand how alcohol can work that fast, but he feels his nerves on edge, and he likes it. Almost like he’s drunk on Sapnap’s presence, their closeness, their pull is strong and synergetic.

Sapnap doesn’t let the boy stare much longer, as he pulls Karl in closer, interlocking their lips with a deep kiss, overfilled with passion and lust. Sapnap tastes of cherries and the familiar sting of vodka that once tickled on his tongue. He is now re-greeted with it, but in an even better way, somehow. Everything about the kiss was addicting.

The party was filled with this energy, the two stuck together like glue, hip to hip. Bouncing from room to room, watching some kids fail at beer pong, apple-bobbing and Karl finding out Sapnap is very good with his mouth (he was good at apple-bobbing).

They spent the night having fun, doing their best to hide the fact they were entirely not sober, as they had about around 4 cups of the punch-vodka concoction that Callahan cursed them with. They danced, and Karl found out that Sapnap was not lying when he said he could dance, because he was busting moves all over the place. Karl enjoyed the other’s enthusiasm as he tried his best to match it, Sapnap not caring that his hands were flailing at trying to copy his moves. Sapnap would lead him, helping him to feel the music a bit more, which involved a lot of holding and grabbing and closeness, which Karl was very much fond of.

The two somehow end up isolating themselves in one of Dream’s guestrooms, which was surprisingly empty, but they weren’t complaining. They find themselves once again being pulled into each other and give into the magnetic force. Letting themselves flow with each other, feeling each other’s waves. Karl knew Sapnap was dressed like a vampire, but he didn’t know he was going to act like one, as Sapnap ended up with his teeth seethed in his neck. Sprawled out on the bed, wrapped within each other.

Sapnap leans into Karl’s ear and breathlessly utters, “Karl, I need to tell you something.” Karl nods aggressively at the boy. Whatever it is, Karl was on the edge of his seat, waiting patiently. Silence filled the both of them, they were closer than ever, but Sapnap didn’t say a word. Anticipation fills the hot, steamy air. The tension was thick.

This tension rudely interrupted by an abrupt door opening. The two jump a bit at the noise, whipping their heads towards the entrance, a bit embarrassed at what the mystery person stumbled in on.

The mystery person wasn’t so mysterious, as it was the very boy who owned the room they were having so much fun in.

“Dream?” Sapnap asks. Dream looks like a mess, scattered expressions painted on his face. He looks like he saw a ghost, a real one, and he rushes to the bed.

“HELP ME,” He practically screams at the boy. “I-i sent a picture to someone that wasn’t meant for someone else-”

“George,” Karl assumes.

“Yes, George. It was a-picture-I’m not very proud of it. George had to leave early, and I missed him. And I’m very drunk right now-”

“We can tell,” Sapnap interrupts, trying to calm the boy down as he rambles on nervously. “What was the photo, and who did you send it to?”

“I’m getting to it. So I missed him, I decided to take a shirtless photo captioned ‘Miss you hot stuff’ I DON’T KNOW WHY! And it was meant for him, but I sent it to my mom-”

“You sent a shirtless photo to your mom?” Sapnap screeches, letting out a hardy laugh which makes Karl giggly state even gigglier.

“STOP LAUGHING,” Dream snaps, they both fall silent but their faces remain twitchy, trying to hold back their smiles.

“What do I do?” The two look at each other with confused looks, as if they are asking each other if they have any clue what to do with the idiot in front of them.

“Nothing? You sent it. Just chill out man,” Sapnap answers.

“Not going to lie man you’re looking almost as clownish as Quackity right now, and he’s literally dressed like a clown,” Karl spews, his drunk state not giving him any filter. Did I say that outloud his semi-conscious thoughts questioned.

“I’m gonna go jump off a cliff now, continue your sex, or whatever,”

“We weren’t-” and the door slams shut.

“Welp that was certainly interesting,” Karl points out.

“Yup, we should really keep him on a leash,” Sapnap jokes.

-

Karl is passed out, sprawled on the couch of Dream’s living room. The party is long gone, the loudness of the party lingers in the air still, ringing the awake people’s ears as they clean up the mess.

“Thanks for helping with the mess Sap,” George thanks.

“No problemo! Karl would definitely help out if he weren’t-ya know,” he gestures to the boy on the couch, conked out. A blanket is laid across his body, placed by Sapnap after he sees him shivering a bit in his slumber, and a content murmur from Karl thanks him.

Sapnap loves sleepy Karl and loves asleep him just as much. He thinks he looks so freaking cute all cuddled up, even if he knows Karl would think he looks all gross all passed out in a drunken state.
George chuckles, “Yeah I get what you mean. Dream usually cleans after himself, but man he got trashed tonight. He’s been a bit stressed lately because he has an art show coming up, he thought a last-minute party would solve it. He tries so hard to mask his stressed-self with confidence and a chill demeanor. It’s exhausting seeing himself push himself to be so perfect all the time. I need to look out for him, he means a lot to me,”

Sapnap was not expecting that response, but he places a hand on his shoulder nonetheless. “You’re a good boyfriend George. Don’t sweat it, okay?” he reassures him. George gives a tiny grin, “Thanks Sapnap,”

Sapnap lifts his hand off of his shoulder and gave an endearing look. He loves his friends a lot, and really cares for them. He’s been friends with Dream ever since kindergarten, and been just as close with George ever since Dream eye’s had been caught by him freshman year in biology. The two had chemistry ever since, metaphorically and literally, they had chemistry together sophomore year.

He’s been caught up with Karl, he hasn’t been hanging out with his friends a lot, which he doesn’t beat himself too much up over since Dream and George had been attached at the hip ever since they’ve been dating. He really likes Karl and doesn’t mind being absorbed up with him, but it’s glad to comfort a friend in need again. It’s comforting to snap back to a friendship he cherishes.

“So how are you and Karl doing?” George asks, picking up some cups scattered across the floor. Karl. He could go on and on about him.

“Great dude. I really like him, like loads” Sapnap admits. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before,”

-

And as if he were a god of some kind, Karl feels his body waking up a bit. He’s still sleepy and groggy, after all the alcohol he ingested he doesn’t know if what he’s hearing is real or not. But he listens to the sweet words from his boyfriend anyways, keeping his eyes shut, keeping his cover.

“That’s great man! You deserve someone who makes you feel like that,” A voice who sounds like George cheers, Karl could imagine Sapnap smiling at the boy’s compliment. “And I like Karl, he’s fun. Especially tonight-”

“Yeah tonight. Man I was going to tell him something tonight. While we were getting all hot n’ heavy. I wanted to tell him how much he means to me. But I decided against it, I feel like I’m speedrunning this relationship. I don’t want to rush him, it’s just all happening so fast. I’m slipping-and we were both really out of it. And dream walked in a panic-”

“Oh god, with the whole shirtless pic thing? God that was a train wreck,” George added. Karl held back the urge to giggle at the memory.

“But I’m glad you feel this way. Just because you feel like this so fast doesn’t mean you are rushing him or anything. You have no clue what he thinks of you. He could be feeling the same way,”

George gives good advice, because he’s right. Karl does feel the same. He means so incredibly much to Sapnap, it hurts. It consumes him, his life used to be so. Life. But now it’s Life , Karl’s semi-conscious and semi-sober thoughts articulated that to make complete sense.

“That’s true, I’m glad we had this talk. We should all do like, a double date soon,” Sapnap suggests, Karl loves that idea.

George agrees and they talk for a bit more, and Karl feels himself slip back into a sleeping state. But before he’s fully gone, he feels lips press against his forehead with a tiny whisper, ‘goodnight love,’ and Karl could feel himself form a huge smile. He hopes Sapnap doesn’t notice how giddy he can make him feel, even when completely ruined by the effects of a vodka-punch.

Chapter Text

November bites Karl, and it starts off pretty rocky.

Karl wakes in the morning to the feeling of someone else’s bed. He groans and rubs his eyes open to find Dream sitting in a chair in the corner in the room with a mug in hand staring at him with a cocky smile spread across his face.

“Morning sleepyhead,” he says, noticing Karl’s awakeness and sleepy face.

“W-why am I still here?” is all Karl asks, and it’s all he thinks.

Dream grins at the boy, he sits on the bed beside him and places his hand on Karl’s forehead, seeming to check to see if Karl isn’t sick or anything, he slips his hand away with a nod. A nod that hopefully means: You’re not sick, just hung-over.

And Karl felt hungover. He felt it in his body, the way it ached at any movement. The fuzziness of his brain, the way he couldn’t stop thinking: What the hell happened last night?

“You passed out, so we decided it was best you stay here. Don’t worry, your mom knows you’re here, Sapnap told her,” Dream explains. All of a sudden, Karl starts unreeling, remembering bits and pieces of the night before. The kisses, the taste of vodka on his lips, the heat between him and Sapnap, Dream bursting into the room all panicked. Waking up to overhearing a conversation between George and Sapnap, hearing only great things. It was a great night, but now Karl feels all dead. He was sure it would go away as soon as he got some fresh air, or a smoothie, or whatever cures a hangover.

“Oh-thank you Dream. Means a lot actually,” Karl finally replies, turning to his side to see water by his bedside table, thank god for Dream. He talks a couple of sips of the drink and Dream lightly chuckles.

“No problem, I swear. I was knocked out last night too, but i don’t get hangovers. Guess I’m used to them? I don’t know-I mean I don’t mean to brag ‘cause you look like you have a bad case of one right now-not to be mean. I’m sorry-”

“Dream,” Karl interrupts the boy rambling, Dream’s voice comes to a hush. “It’s okay. And yeah, this is like, my first time. So I’m pretty dang wrecked,”

“Well, do you want some tea? Green? It helps a lot with them ya know? I read, and it helped me a bit in the beginning as well,” Dream suggests.

“Uh yeah that would be great thanks,” Karl accepts, Dream giving a thumbs up before leaving the room.

Karl decides he needs to check his phone just in case anything bad happened while he was completely out of it, or if anything of him got leaked, because who knows what could have happened with that much alcohol in his system.

Sapnap: Don’t worry, I tucked you in ;)

And wow, Karl’s heart starts racing, heating up his previously cold body from the effects of a November morning.

Me: You are a lifesaver. Was my mom mad?

Sapnap: Nope. She understands, since you never go out.

Me: Rude, I’ve never been invited anywhere like this before ;(

Sapnap: Well that’s a shame, ‘cus you’re so damn cute when you’re partying Jacobs.

Karl’s tea was delivered by a smiling boy, he thanked him immensely, but was hushed by a “That’s what friends are for” He likes the fact he sees him as a friend now and is internally grateful for the people he’s surrounded by.

Just when Karl thinks he could finally relax, his snapchat notifications start to roll in from the improv group chat, he groans. It’s Saturday, leave me be he thinks, but he opens the app nonetheless.

Niki_Cat: Did you guys get the email from Mr. Valez?

RanBOO: No, you guys get emails?

GeorgeNootFound: I literally just woke up, what’s the email?

Niki_Cat: Rehearsals are cancelled until the end of Thanksgiving break :/

JigglyPuffy: What? Why?

Niki_Cat: He’s visiting family, for a whole month. I think it may be a family emergency or something :((

Tubbo_: Oh well I hope he’s okay!

Dreamwastaken: Same! Even if he’s kind of a dickhead

RanBOO: ^^^

Wifehaver69: That’s a shame, has anyone seen my discs?

Dreamwastaken: Yeah you left them here you idiot, why did you bring discs to a party?

Wifehaver69: I bring them everywhere, I swear if you touched my discs I will reign hell fire upon you and your family

Dreamwastaken: It’s really not that deep they are just discs

Wifehaver69: HOW DARE YOU

Tubbo_: Just give him the discs back, don’t bother
RanBOO: Yeah that would be for the best

Dreamwastaken: Ugh fine, I’ll be over in 10

Quackity: It is 9 am guys, please

KarlJacobs_: So no rehearsal until…?

Niki_Cat: First of December I believe, but we’ll see each other during lunch :D

Snapnap: True, talk to you guys soon?

Niki_Cat: Totally :DD

-

Karl closes his phone and gives out a long yawn, the door bursts open once more.

“Yo so I gotta go give Tommy his stupid discs back, but Alex said he would come pick you up soon anyways. So take care,” Dream tells Karl, in a bit of a rushed manner. He wonders if Dream is secretly intimidated by the youngling, even if they have a brotherlike relationship.

“Okay! Thanks for everything again Dream,” Karl says with a smile and Dream waves while rushing out of his house, determined to not be late incase fire is in fact reigned upon.

A couple minutes later he hears a honk in front of the house, he gathers his stuff and leaves the mug in the sink. He feels partially responsible for the mess that Dream would have to deal with, but there’s nothing much he could do about it then, he figures he would repay him another time.

He steps into the bright daylight and feels the rays on his skin pump the blood in his veins, he feels a bit better, but November nips his nose.

He’s greeted by the same face he always is greeted by in the mornings on the usual. When he walks into school, waking up from a sleepover, when they decide to get up early to do all the early morning stuff Karl likes to do that Alex complains about (yet always gives into doing). He’s never tired of Alex’s face, and the years of friendship that lies behind it.

“Wow, you look like you had a bunch of fun last night hm?” the boy teases as Karl practically flops into the passenger seat. Karl leans his head against the closed door and groans.

“Yeah well you’re lucky you’re my best friend, because I would never do this for anyone else. It’s too damn early,” he responds, starting up the car.

“Sorry I left you alone last night,” is all Karl says back. It seems out of the blue, like he blurted it. And didn’t mean to say it. But he was thinking about it, and felt a pang of guilt in his chest, it tightened.

Alex’s face left a confused expression, as he furrows his eyebrows. “What? No I wasn’t alone! I hung out with George and Dream for a bit, before they left to go make out or whatever. Then I witnessed Tommy falling off a table he was dancing on-which was very funny might I add I’ll send the video later. And Niki and I were playing cards against humanity with Puffy, Ranboo and Tubbo. I won-by the way. I’m not really a drinker, but I enjoyed some punch. It was all good, no hard feelings,”

After Alex explained his night, Karl was starting to feel a little less guilty and a little more proud of his friend for branching out. He was happy he didn’t have to worry about jealousy (though Alex was never one for jealousy in the first place). He was glad to have a supportive friend.

“Well that sounded fun. I had fun yes, but I also drank WAYYYYY too much and now I feel all,” he pauses for dramatic affect, while Alex turns in curiosity, fueling the drama. “Bleh,” Karl couldn’t think of a word to best describe it, so he goes with a sound. A sound he feels best describes how he’s feeling more than any word in the current english dictionary can.

Alex laughs. “Bleh?”

“Bleh,” Karl nods in agreement, a secret understanding between two friends.

-

November bites harder. The first day of November was fine, Karl got rest. Sapnap came over and they watched shitty romcoms while Sapnap catered to Karls every need, like a housewife, but with facial hair.

But November second comes, and Karl doesn’t expect the drastic change of mood.

Karl wakes up in a cold sweat. He turns to his clock on his bedside table, 4:30 am He falls back into his pillow, hands buried in his face.

He had a nightmare. A scary one, that he just can’t quite seem to remember all of. He remembers running, but never amounting to getting his feet off the ground, not moving an inch. He remembers heartbreak, crying, pain in his chest. It was so vivid, yet so distant. It frustrates the hell out of him, the idea of a dream he can’t quite pin down, a dream he doesn’t quite understand. He feels like ripping his hair off, but instead he starts getting ready for school. There was no way he was going back to sleep after that, no chance.

-

“You good?” asks a worried-looked boyfriend, hooking his arms around Karl’s waist at lunch. Karl has been out of it all day, and he had a huge feeling Sapnap wanted to ask about it, but never found the right time. He appreciates the worry, but hates the fact it was eating at him. Sapnap has been biting his nails all day, he looks just as distressed as Karl did.

“Yeah I just-” Karl sighs. “Had an awful nightmare. And I can’t remember it. But all I know is that it was a nightmare, and it left me feeling empty and helpless when I woke up,” Karl describes, with words falling out of his mouth so effortlessly. It was easy to vent to Sapnap, he could listen for hours and hours about anything Karl wanted to talk about. It was miraculous.

“I’m so sorry. I hate nightmares. They can really get to you,” Sapnap says, he cups Karls face gently and Karl lets his face rest in his hand. “But just know that I’m here for you, and you can call me whenever you feel scared, no matter how early,”

It makes Karl feel a bit better knowing Sapnap is there for him.

-

The nightmare is reoccuring. It’s every night, and it’s driving Karl insane.

It’s tiring, the same old narrative, yet the same feeling resonates with him each time he wakes. Pain, regret, heart-break, emptiness, fear, isolation, bad, bad, bad

He tells Sapnap each time about it, and Sapnap does his best to help, but nothing works. Even when Sapnap sleeps over, and holds him tight, making him feel secure. The nightmares still come, and Karl wonders what he did to deserve them. Karl feels bad for his boyfriend, feeling like he’s not doing enough when it’s not even close to being his fault, he can see the disappointment fill his eyes when Karl wakes to tell him the nightmare came to haunt him again.

Karl wonders what the nightmare means, and he wonders if he finally knows, if it’ll leave him. He hates not knowing, he hates it so much it feels like it could kill him. So one restless night, feeling petrified of falling asleep to the same old tune just to get the same old horror story, he decides to do some research on the meaning of dreams.

All he remembers is that these dreams were filled with a lot of running that got him nowhere and screams that were silenced. So that’s what he types into google. He tries his best not to freak out over the many links that looked very sketchy that told him he was dying (because like WebMD, those are very exaggerated) and looks further into the websites with actual therapist advice and more professionally looking.

He finds a website that looks pretty trustworthy and starts scanning it. It says they are things that will happen that are out of his control that he wants to change but he can’t. Inevitable unfortunate events. Karl runs his hands through his hair.
What is out of my control? he finds himself wondering, it’s 3 am and he knew he wouldn’t sleep tonight.

Except Karl does fall asleep, shortly after, when Sapnap calls him and he dozes off to him going over what he did that day. (Sapnap had been calling Karl whenever he couldn’t sleep to keep him company and attempt to make him fall asleep, it would work most of the time)

Karl wakes up and he never thought waking up would make him feel so happy, because this time, he doesn’t wake in a cold sweat. He doesn’t feel his heart beat a million miles per hour, he doesn’t feel like he’s edging on a panic attack. He didn’t have the nightmare that time. Karl felt like thanking every single god he could, even if he wasn’t the religious type.

-

The rest of November went by well. Karl’s mom invites Sapnap and his family over for Thanksgiving. They meet each other’s parents formally then. It was a bit awkward at first, but once they settled into the feeling of the environment, their dynamic was enjoyable. Sapnap points out the apple pie that Karl had made from the leftover apples when they went apple picking.

“I love pie,” Sapnap says.

The sentence rings of deja vu, a sweet kind.

While going over what they were all thankful for, Karl was tempted to say he was thankful for the nightmares ceasing from his brain ever since that fateful night. His mom didn’t know about the nightmares though, only Sapnap did. Not even Alex, he felt like it was too much baggage for any of his friends, and he feels Sapnap was partially the reason they were gone in the first place. He wasn’t about to bring it up and explain it at the table full of people he had just met and starting a whole commotion. So instead he simply raises his glass of sparkling cider and says,

“I’m thankful for friends, family, and Sapnap,” with a nod of the head, and a cheeky grin from his lover.

Chapter Text

It’s December, and Karl is actually not so bummed about it.

Sure fall may be coming to an unfortunate end, but he does love the holiday season. He loves hot cocoa with a good (or bad) christmas movie, he loves ice skating, he loves the mall and how they decorate it and all the new scents at Bath and Bodyworks, he loves getting a christmas tree and decorating it with his mom.

It also means that improv has officially started back up, which Karl didn’t know he was so excited for until he realized it at lunch and his mood brightened immensely.

He walks into the auditorium, with his hand in Sapnap’s, and a huge grin on his face. He tries to wipe it off, as he doesn’t understand just why he was so giddy. A part of him really enjoys that he's involved in something for once, even if it’s improv.

He quickly sees that Karl is not the only one who is ecstatic as he spots Mr. Valez jumping around enthusiastically on stage, welcoming the two in and handing them Christmas cookies. They sit down and Sapnap turns to Karl with a puzzled look.

“I guess someone got laid last night,” he whispers and Karl nudges him playfully, but lets out a giggle nonetheless.

Karl did wonder however why the man was in such a good mood. Was it because Quackity was gone? Nah, that’s a bit much. Does he share the same love for Christmas as Karl does? Maybe. Did something happen on his one month break? How could a family emergency be positive? Maybe he did just get laid.

“Now kids,” Mr Valez starts once everyone settles into the room. “Unfortunately one of our students had to-” he pauses with a wandering hand and a worried expression as he tries to find the words to say he fucked over Quackity, “-leave the club,” Karl shares an annoyed look with Sapnap who just shrugs.

“So we found a replaceme-er-a new student to join the club!” he announces, and he points to a girl who emerges from backstage. She’s short, has long curly black hair that reaches her hips. She looks sheepishly at Karl and the rest of the club members in the crowd, but eventually meets eyes with Sapnap and smiles. Karl does not like that. Sapnap doesn’t reciprocate it, he simply arches his mouth up.

“Hi I’m Gina,” she says with a trembling tone, she seems nervous to be on stage, which is ironic since it’s improv. And she will need to be on stage a lot. But Karl brushes it off and sympathizes with her, since he was an anxiety-induced wreck at first when going into his first practice.

Mr. Valez claps to break the tension in the room, while the others just nod at Gina, not saying a word. Weird energy has entered the room. But they continue with practice as normal.

-

Niki_Cat: Has anyone noticed that Mr. Valez was like, beyond happy today? Like weirdly so?

JigglyPuffy: Yeah like wtf, who is that and what did he do to Mr. Valez

Dreamwastaken: Yeah, it kinda makes me miss the whole “ARRIISSSE” cuz at least then we could laugh at him. I don’t like this new him.

Quackity: Yeah I can totally relate hahaha totally

Niki_Cat: Oh, sorry Quackity. Forgot you were in here :/

Quackity: Nah it’s fine i’m just kidding around

Tubbo_: I know you’re like, out the gang, but can you stay in the gc? I like you here :D

Quackity: Yeah totally, as long as everyone is good with it?

Niki_Cat: Ofc! :DD

RanBOO: Yeah, speaking of, should we add Gina?
KarlJacobs_: Oh yeah, Gina

Karl didn’t really like Gina all that much. She was extremely touchy with Sapnap at practice. She had this whole “im shy” persona that Karl saw right through, she gave him a bad feeling. Like she had an ulterior motive, especially since she was all up in his boyfriend's face when she’s SUPPOSED to be Tommy’s partner. Karl told Sapnap about this but he assured him she was probably just being nice and trying to make friends, but he never noticed her interacting with anyone else, but he eventually let it go.

Wifehaver69: Yeah add her, who has her snap?

Snapnap: She gave it to me, I’ll add her

Oh Karl sunk. She gave it to him, not weird at all. Friends give friends their snap all the time, right? Karl tries so hard to not overthink it, but his chest tightens.

Snapnap added Gina07

Gina07: Oh hey guys!

GeorgeNootFound: Hey, this is the improv chat.

Gina07: Oh fun! :) What’s up?

Niki_Cat: Nothing much, we are just talking about Mr. Valez and how different he’s acting

Gina07: Oh I heard it’s because he had an affair because his wife cheated on him and he enjoys the payback. What a psycho

Woah Karl takes a double take at the message, bright and loud on his screen. Not so friendly and timid now huh?

Quackity: Wow, that’s..heavy

Gina07: Oh I’m sorry I don’t recognize your name, were you not at practice?

Quackity: No I’m just the one who got booted, I was too good for the club ://

Dreamwastaken: Lmao you wish dude

Quackity: Eat a dick?

Dreamwastaken: Gladly, George are you free?

GeorgeNootFound: Yeah ofc bb ;)

RanBOO: Ew, there’s DM’s for a reason guys

Tubbo_: Yeah there’s minors in the gc :<

Dreamwastaken: We are all minors Tubbo

Wifehaver69: Don’t take that tone with him dick for brains

Gina07: Wait so why is Quackity still here if he’s out of the club?

Karl rolls his eyes, man does this girl get on his nerves. He can’t shake the feeling.

JigglyPuffy: Cuz we like him, he’s funny. He gets to stay 8)

Quackity: Puffy my beloved <3

Gina07: Oh okay, no prob !

Karl has a hunch that it is a problem for her. God shut up brain, she didn’t do anything Karl tells himself. He shuts off his phone and closes his eyes gently as he hums the tune of a song stuck in his head. The familiar tunes plays through his headphones and he smiles.

Only overthinking when I’m close to you
Perhaps Karl is overthinking because he’s worried about her and Sapnap, but he shouldn’t be worried. Because Karl knows Sapnap is a loyal and amazing boyfriend. Forever and always.

-

“God you suck at this,” Karl insults, only really half-joking as he looks down at Sapnap who’s laid flat down on the ice. Sapnap feigns death and Karl rolls his eyes and holds out a hand. “Get up will ya? So dramatic,” Sapnap takes Karl’s hand and their hands remain linked as Karl leads the way on the ice from then on, watching to make sure his boyfriend doesn’t fall like an idiot once more.

“You know, you never told me you were actually really good at this?” Sapnap brings up, as they lap the rink for the fourth time without falling a single time.

“Practice,” Karl simply answers. He likes to skate, makes him feel all free and he loves the chill he gets when soaring on the ice when he goes really fast, but he takes it slow with Sapnap, knowing he’s a klutz when it comes to the ice.

“For an athlete you cannot handle your skates-”

“You know you’re mean for a nerd,” Sapnap bites back.

George and Dream catch up with the two. “Wow good to see you got off your ass Sap,” Dream taunts, Sapnap groans with annoyance.

“I’m tired of this constant bullying, ice is hard to balance on!” He defends, Karl chuckles at how personal he took the jestering.

“It’s okay Sapnap, we all have our flaws,” George butts in, pulling Dream a bit closer to him by the arm. “Like Karl, he gets all jealous when you talk to Gina-”

“What the hell George!” Karl huffs. Sapnap practically falls over, stumbling to a halt.

“What it’s true!”

“Okay we are going to go get nachos now, aren’t we Gogy?”

“But I didn’t mean to-”

“George I will buy you a slushie if you shut up,” Dream bribes. George agrees and follows Dream as they speed to the exit, actively avoiding contact with Karl. The red on the now-exposed boy’s soft cheek deepens.

A crowd starts to form around the two, who are practically standing still in the middle of the rink, so they move to a bench outside the rink. Sapnap finally speaks.

“So, was George, right?” he asks hesitantly. Karl feels all stupid in his skin.

“Well kinda-” he blurts. “But I don’t know why. I shouldn’t be so worried, I just don’t really like Gina? Like she irks me, for no particular reason. Just my brain being all dumb,”

Sapnap gives the boy a soft look as he lifts his chin ever-so-slightly to meet his gaze, the boy is shorter, but Karl is hunched over slightly due to the uncomfortable sitting situation of an ice-skating rink bench. “You aren’t dumb. You’re feelings matter okay? You should have told me, that’s all. I’m not mad or anything. And you’re right you shouldn’t be worried,”

Karl smiles as the heat between them grows and warms up his previously chilled face, “Good,” is all he responds with, because it’s all he needs to say. They pull each other into a kiss.

-

Karl and Sapnap walk out to the lunch area and find the two sitting at a table, George sipping satisfyingly on a slushie, courtesy of Dream’s promise, and Dream on his phone, chomping down on nachos. They sit at the table and George looks up with guilty eyes.

“Hey, I’m sorry I just thought you guys should communicate on it and it was meant to come off jokingly I shouldn’t have overstepped the border and I care about you both so much-”

“It’s okay,” Karl assures the boy, with a hand on his jittery leg. George returns the gesture with a smile.

The four chill and eat for a while, enjoying each other’s company. They have been wanting a double date for a while now, and it’s great they finally synced their schedules and managed to squeeze out a cute idea that pleased all of their picky planning needs.

Karl was shoving a nacho into his mouth and laughing at a story Dream was telling about how George confessed his crush to him by accidentally texting his mom a long sappy sweet paragraph about how in love he was with him. He almost swore he was choking on it, but mid-panic, he noticed a familiar looking beanie in the crowd of people in a line for the skates. He traced his eyes to figure out it was Alex, but he wasn’t alone.

He was with a girl, with short blonde hair and a friendly smirk. This girl looks way more inviting than Gina, he hates to compare two random girls against each other, but his mind was stuck on their previous conversation he assumes. He locks eyes with the boy who was previously laughing, but his face changes to a still one when he registers it was his best-friend he sees across the room, with someone he has never seen in his life.

Karl excuses himself from the table and heads over to the boy.

“Hey, funny seeing you here,” Karl says when he meets feet with Alex and the mystery girl. The girl gives Karl a smile, and Karl returns it.

“Uh yeah hey!” Alex replies, giving Karl a half-hug. “You're here on a double date huh? How you dealing with Romeo and Juliet?”

Karl laughs at his remark, he admits to himself that he misses Alex. Ever since he got kicked out of the club, and been spending his time with Sapnap, he’s kind of been drifting from his best friend. He feels partially bad for it, but he tries not to beat himself up over it.

“They’re fine, I guess, I mean once they’re not like completely all over each other for once,” he answers, turning back slightly at the 2, who notice him talking to Alex and wave. Alex smiles, waving back with enthusiasm.

“They seem to be having fun,” Alex comments facetiously. “Oh sorry, this is Sally. We met at a debate club,” he introduces. Sally holds her hand out to Karl, who accepts it with a grin.

“Nice to meet you Sally, I’m Karl. Alex’s friend,” Karl introduces brightly.

“Nice to meet you Karl,” Sally retourts.

“Correction-you’re my best friend,” Alex adds.

“Yeah well I haven’t been filling the role well recently and I’m sorry,” Karl admits. “I’ve been so caught up with my life. I didn’t even know you were in debate!”

“No it’s okay man, really,” Alex says. “Not your fault Mr. Valez is an asshole. I just joined a week ago, but she’s been all over me since day 1-”

“Have not, asshole!” Sally defends, hitting him on the chest with a fiery intent. Alex bites his tongue. Karl thinks they two are cute together, he’s mad at himself for missing this important part of Alex’s life.

“Man please. You should see Sally, she’s like you to Sapnap first improv practice. All ‘Hey can I sit next to you? I like your shirt, you’re stylish. You should wear your hair down more often’-”

“Glad you found other people to be mean to,” Karl interjects and he shares a ‘can you believe this guy’ look with Sally, who giggles.

“Of course! That’s what life’s all about,” Alex states. The three stand in silence for a bit, taking in their conversation. Digesting the banter, a comfortable silence.
“Well we should catch up soon man, tell me all about your girlfriend, who’s way nicer than you,”

“Did you not see her hit me?” Alex screeches, Sally rolls her eyes.

“Catch you later ya doof,” Karl says before returning to his table, giving a small wave to Sally while Alex gives him a roll of the eyes.

-

“Alex has a girlfriend now? God when was the last time you guys talked?” Sapnap says, stealing a fry from Dream’s plate.

“A long time apparently! I feel bad for not being more involved. But It’s good that he’s not all alone. Actually-I think I saw Sally at the party, before I blacked out and all that-” Karl mentions. He remembers a girl who looked similar, dressed in a nurse outfit, with pigtails in. She helped him get up when Karl fell off Dream’s coffee table when Tommy convinced him to do the macarena and twist his body with ‘all the maca his rena has’ and he overdid it. She was very kind about it, didn’t even laugh at the boy’s stupidity.

“If he says he’s okay, he probably is. Don’t stress about it much Karl,” Dream offers, George nods in agreement as he lays his head back onto his shoulder.

“Okay I won't,” Karl promises. Sapnap ruffles his hair up and Karl gives the boy a sweet look.

-

Sapnap and Karl are making cookies in Karl’s kitchen while Karl came to the recognition that he loves baking with a boyfriend.

He loves the sweet kisses that lay upon his neck when he’s shaping the dough into balls, and how funny Sapnap looks when trying to sneak a taste of the raw dough before they place it in the oven. The way Sapnap wraps his big arms around Karl’s waist from behind to plant butterfly pecks on his shoulder to try to distract Karl from cutting the dough neatly.

“They don’t have to be perfect ya kno, you’re such a perfectionist”

“I am not! I just like to be efficient!” Karl excuses. “And I want us to win this thing,” Karl adds, making it blaringly obvious that his competitive energy is coming out to play.

The thing Karl is referring to is the annual Christmas cookie competition his school has every year. Sapnap mentioned how he used to think it was silly, but likes the idea of baking with Karl. So Karl proposes they go through with it, with the intent to dominate (the competition that is).

“We’ll win, don’t you fret your pretty little head” Sapnap teases light heartedly. He sticks his finger in the leftover mix and Karl swats his hand away, he contracts his hand in offense. “Ow, I need that hand Jacobs,”

“To what? Get all your germs over our award-winning cookies?”

“The award is a gift certificate to Olive Garden Karl, no need to frame the goddamn thing,”

“We gotta beat Velvet and Ant, they win every freaking year,” Karl mentions. Which is true, they did win every year. It was very annoying.

“I can assure you we will win this thing”

-

So they won the thing. Velvet and Ant giving them envious yet also surprisingly impressed glares when their names were called. Karl practically jumps into Sapnap’s arms which Sapnap did not mind at all, sharing similar excitement levels, he picks up the boy with squeals of joy and triumph.

“We are victorious, the champions, we can cook mean cookies, suck it!” Sapnap teases to the losers who just laugh at the boy’s overexaggerated energy. Karl chuckles.

“And you thought the thing was silly huh?”

The certificate was paper thin, because it was basically just a slip of paper, just laminated. The principal hands it to them with pride anyways, they gladly accept it.

“I used to think it was silly, until I met you,”

Karl never thought that even after all this time he could blush at the boy’s words, but it never ceases to amaze him the way his cheeks flush at even the smallest of things.

“Now,” Sapnap continues, picking up Karl once more, spinning him around this time. This emits a stifled giggle from the dizzy boy. “Let’s get some pasta, shall we?”

Chapter Text

The rest of the Christmas season Karl spent with his friends, his mom and of course the boy who’s constantly by his side.

Sledding, going Christmas shopping, getting a tree and blasting Michael Buble while placing the pretty ornaments on the pine branches. The scent of pine comforted Karl and filled his nose with past seasonal memories, all happy and jolly.

Christmas rolls around and Karl couldn’t be happier. His mom gets him an Xbox and some new sweaters (not like Karl doesn’t have enough) along with other trinkets that are small, but Karl appreciates nonetheless. When they were done with gift exchanging, wrapping paper flooding the floor, stockings completely emptied, Karl found himself relaxing on his bed.

Well he was relaxing, until his phone started to ring, breaking him from his drowsy trance.

“Hello?”

“Merry Christmas doofus,” replies the receiver of the call. Karl broke into a grin.

“Merry Christmas to you too nimrod,” he shoots back, turning over in bed. “How was yours?”

“Anti-climatic. I like the holiday, but it gets boring after the whole morning ritual thing,”

“Ritual? You make it sound like it’s a cult thing,”

“Religion is a cult Karl,”

“That’s a heavily controversial opinion you got there,”

“I just wish you were here dummy,” Sapnap admits. Karl bites his lip slightly.

“Oh really?”

“Really,” Sapnap answers earnestly. “And my parents are going to church, I don’t really do that stuff,”

“Are you asking me over?”

“If you’re allowed,”

Karl’s heart skips a beat in elation, “I’ll be there,”

-

Sapnap’s house was small, but homey. It gave Karl a warm sensation as he stepped into the heated house, filling him with joy as it was cold-as-all-hell outside. Sapnap’s cheeks are rosy as he stands in front of him, with Christmas pajamas on, a two piece set with reindeer print planted all across him. Karl holds back a frisky chortle at how cute he looks all childish in the pajama set.

“Don’t comment on it, my mom thought it was a good idea. She even took photos of me in it, I think it’s going on next year’s Christmas cards,” Sapnap complains, Karl just nods at the boy.

“Not commenting, just admiring,” Karl responds with a cocky expression.

-

They end up cuddling on their couch watching ends and ends of hallmark Christmas movies after deciding that they’ve seen too much of Elf and Home Alone and needed a cleanse of the good christmas movies. Karl kept on pulling away from the movies on screen to Sapnap’s pajamas, holding back laughter, so Sapnap thought it was best to change into actual clothes to make the teasing stop. The two already got each other gifts as they were conveniently each other’s secret santa for improv class. So they decided on a chill Christmas celebration.

But it’s all but chill, as it takes an unexpected turn.

The two had been laughing and making fun of the cheesy hallmark movies all day and their banter eventually ended at talking about the whole ‘I’m in love with you’ speech trope that seems to sneak it’s way into EVERY hallmark movie.

“So what do you think your ‘I’m in love with you’ speech would be?” Sapnap quizzes Karl.

Karl thinks for a moment, there’s so much Karl could say to Sapnap that would work. He feels as if he’s living in a hallmark himself, just with less heteronormativity and bad writing. Karl doesn’t waste his time trying to come up with something so perfect to say though, he has forever to articulate his thoughts to words.

“You make me feel things Sapnap. Things I’ve never felt before, and it makes me feel like I’m flying on Cloud 9. Like I’m up in the sky looking down below,” he manages. Sapnap’s face flushes slightly as the words that come out.

“You mean that?”

Karl nods. “What about you? What’s your speech?” he tries. Sapnap pauses for a bit, a lot longer that Karl was paused for, which makes Karl a little nervous. Sapnap untangles himself from Karl, and sits upright beside him, taking both of his hands in his. He stares Karl down with his gorgeous eyes that Karl is such a sucker for, he can feel his pulse and it makes his pulse speed up in sync.

“Have I ever told you how amazing you make me feel? No one else has ever made me feel this way. I’m so into you. When I'm with you, I’m falling, i’m falling but I'm not afraid of hitting the ground. Like I’m falling and i'm enjoying it. Enjoying the cool air on my cheeks, and the wind flowing through my hair, and the freeing sensation that fills my lungs. And somehow-I’m not scared. Like I know for a fact that pillows are at the bottom, waiting for me, and I’ll land safely. You make me feel safe Jacobs. And I love it, I’m addicted to you, yet you make me feel helpless. Your eyes, I could stare into them forever, they are hypnotizing but oh so beautiful. I need you to know that. That the second I laid my eyes on you I knew that you be my life,”

It sounds real. Like a confession, something he wanted to get off his chest for a while. Less of an act, and more of a rant. Driven by passion and truth and-

“I love you Karl Jacobs,”

Love

Karl was truly speechless. His breath was unsteady, it hitched as Sapnap got close enough for him to smell the toothpaste on his tongue, it was exhilarating.

“I love you too,”

Karl meant it, he didn't feel pressured to say it, he was also driven. Driven by the way Sapnap made him feel when he’s around him. This close, or miles away on a screen, it didn’t matter any more. Sapnap could do just about anything at this point and Karl would be hooked onto him.

They share a kiss, a kiss filled with so much love Karl could die. Karl could die right now and feel fulfilled, like he’s lived life to the fullest. Like he has nothing else left to do. Nothing else but spend the rest of his years by his side.

Even if it sounded crazy, Karl has learned to embrace the feelings he has and let his brain shut off for a moment and his heart take the lead.

Chapter Text

And with the two getting their confessions out of the way, they continued their love sick adventure swimmingly throughout January. New Years Eve parties, ordering in food while having a Harry Potter movie marathon. Double, triple, even QUADRUPLE dates filled their weekend schedules. Everything was looking up.

For the most part at least.

Improv practice continued, and Karl still enjoys the after-school activity loads, it’s just one thing that kept picking at his skin-

“Hey Sapnap!” Gina exclaimed while hopping into the room. Sapnap gives a subtle wave, trying not to draw much attention since he knows Karl’s feelings towards the girl pretty much by heart. Karl feels bad that he feels like this, she’s harmless. A little annoying, but harmless. She never attempted any moves towards his boyfriend, or outwardly called him cute, it was just the little things. The arm touches, talking longer to him than anyone else in practice, ditching Tommy to go over to the two just to compliment Sapnap’s shirt. He could tell Tommy didn’t like her either, the way he rolls his eyes at her whenever she doesn’t comply with his ideas. And yes Tommy is very hard to deal with, it’s well-established through their small group dynamic by now, but Alex knew how to deal with him. Gina obviously doesn’t understand the boy or even try to. Which sucks, because Tommy was a sweetheart behind his whole tough ‘i hate everyone’ exterior.

It was all sucky, but Sapnap knew how to handle her in a way that makes Karl feel comfortable. He never pressed further or fueled the conversation any longer than a simple “I’m fine how are you?” which was good. Again-Karl feels guilt rise in his chest as he recalls these memories where Karl almost snaps at Gina for being so obvious that she had a huge fat crush on Sapnap. I mean it wasn’t her fault, he sees why she does, of course. But Gina knows they’re dating, thanks to how touchy they grew over the past couple months, and the irresistibility of Sapnap’s lips when they break off into their partner groups, separated from the crowd.

“Hey Karl,” Gina finally says, Karl lifts his head up from it’s droopy position it was in before to give a tiny, “Hi,” Yeah Karl did not like the girl, but he wasn’t going to be rude.

-

Improv ends and Karl is holding Sapnap’s hand gently while walking out of the door. He spots Gina out of the corner of his eye, he can tell she was going to go up to them and open her stupid (god stop being so mean) mouth and probably call Sapnap’s shoes “so totally cool,” or some lame attempt of grabbing his attention. So before she can, Karl pulls Sapnap into a kiss, right in front of her. Sure it was petty, but Karl doesn’t mind kissing Sapnap, not one bit. He also doesn’t mind the noise of surprise omitting from the boy and his eyes widening as he realizes what was happening. He also doesn’t mind the way he wraps his arms around his hips, tugging them slightly closer as Sapnap dives deeper into Karl’s lips.

When they release Karl gives a subtle glance over to Gina, whose eyes are wide with shock and turns on her feet to walk the other way. Success. Karl bites a smile, Sapnap returns it, unaware of Karl’s masterplan.

“What, so you like PDA now?” he teases, reminding Karl that he just did that, in front of the auditorium, with people spilling out of the rooms around them. His face quickly flushes.

“I, Uh-” Karl tries to find some words to say in retialition, but all of them he could say absently left his tongue. Leaving him fiddling with Sapnap’s fingers, still in his reach.

Sapnap doesn’t let him try to come up with anything any longer, as he rushes to his lips for an encore.

“I don’t mind it,” Sapnap comments when they part. Karl’s mind finally clears of its fog as he realizes he doesn’t need an excuse to enjoy kissing his boyfriend.

“To be fair I never disliked PDA, just only when Dream and George did it,” Karl finally spews.
Sapnap laughs at that, a laugh so genuine it says words itself. The rhythm of the sound that echoes Karl’s brain agrees with Karl.

“I’ve got football practice, but I’ll see you later?”

“Of course,” Karl hums, and their hands separate, and Karl can help but frown a bit.

But he knows their hands will meet again soon.

-

“Alright why are you laughing?”

Asks Karl, peering over his book to see Alex giggling like a madman. They were in the library, as Alex suggested that they study for a bit before going to get an early dinner. But all Alex was doing was staring down at his phone like a doofus for the past couple of minutes. It drove Karl insane the way the repeated few sounds came flying out of his mouth each time he scrolls.

Alex glances up from his fixated stare of his phone. “Nothing, just funny memes that Dream sent me,”

The thing about an almost 10 year friendship is that when one is lying, it’s obvious to the other that they are lying. And Alex stunk of lies, from head to toe, Karl could call his bluff. Karl could call it from miles and miles away. The way his face scrunches up when caught in the web of the question, the nervous nail-taps on the mahogany table, the slightly shaky aspect of his voice when he croaks the response. Karl gives him his, ‘i know you’re lying so spit it out,’ face, which consisted of a head tilt and an eyebrow raise. Alex sighs.

“Okay, okay,” he gives in. “It’s about time I tell you anyways-”

“Tell me what?” quizzes Karl, leaning in closer with curiosity, a tinge of anger hinted in the way he asks. Alex fixes his hat nervously, sets his phone down and intertwines his hands together, letting them rest beneath his head on the table.

“So-” he starts, and Karl had a gut-feeling he was going to tell a story. So he falls back in his chair, making himself all comfortable. “Your mom reached out to me a while ago, practically begging me to drag you to an afterschool club. To get you out there, and distract yourself for a bit. So I started looking for options, but none of them clicked, until one day-”

He pauses to watch Karl’s face and his reaction, Karl just slowly nods at him, signaling he can continue and no rage was present (at least for now). So Alex clears his throat.

“One day I was partnered with Dream and George for this english project. They were complaining about how their friend was very lonely but won’t admit it. And of course I could relate as my best friend was the same way-”

A crumpled up piece of paper is thrown at Alex, interrupting his story, Alex gives an annoyed glance at Karl.

“What it’s true! Anyways, we decided ‘Hey this might actually work!,’ and decided to you know. Well uh-”

“Set us up?” Karl finishes, with arms crossed in a stunned manner. Karl could not believe it, Alex planned that Karl meet Sapnap?

“Well kinda!” Alex shouts, a little too loud as the librarian gives him a stern look, and Alex embarrassedly turns back to Karl with a crooked grin. “Look, you’re freaking welcome,”

“How did you even-”

“Dream and Gogy had mentioned that they were making Sapnap do improv with them to help him branch out with his hobbies beyond football. Which was something they mentioned when complaining-he was too hard on himself when it came to it. Never let go, never relaxed, and he needed someone to help him be free, and think of other things besides the goddamned sport-”

Alex continued, without an intrusion this time. Karl listens intently to the words Alex was saying, that were fascinating now. So did George and Dream think Karl was right for Sapnap? Did they think he would be the one to help him feel free?

“Sapnap needed someone for grounding as well, to get his life in check. As George and Dream had mentioned he was all wreckless-something to do with his home life. I don’t know it was a lot of trauma dumping, it was a long night, we got a B on the project,” Alex rattled on. “So I mentioned how you were, you know, you. All skittish and unsure of things. You were smart and had direction, but needed more liveliness and fun. And I can’t always fill that hole in your heart ya know,”

Karl chuckles at his friend’s silliness, lightening the overwhelming mood a bit. Not bad overwhelming, just ‘a-lot-of-information-to-take-in,’ overwhelming.

“And you know you always wanna do all these coupley things, and dude i love you but I don’t wanna go fucking rollerblading or have picnics at the ass-crack of dawn-”

“-And you said you didn’t wanna go ice skating but you went with Sally,” Karl mentions, this time it was Alex’s turn to get exposed.

“Touche assface,” he responds, before getting back into his explanation, “So you know I suggested that you go to improv. And I knew you wouldn’t do it alone, so I went with you. And It was fun and all, but improv ain't my schtick, always wanted to try debate and the times always clashed so-”

“So you quit?” Karl has the revelation. “You weren’t kicked out?”

“Nope, I mean Mr Valez hated me but not THAT much-” answers Alex. “Plus I wanted you to not get distracted by me, and leave you all alone with your man-candy when you finally got together,” he says, dragging out the ‘finally’ like it took forever for them to get together. Which it didn’t really, but Alex was always one for the dramatics. Karl was surprised improv wasn’t his forte.

“Yeah only problem is that you leaving left an empty gap for Gina to fill-”

“Oh please man not this again,” Alex groans. “Gina is no threat to your relationship. She knows y’all are together, and Sapnap is loyal and like literally in love with you. So just let it go,”

Alex was right, as always. People always shit on the guy for being socially very dumb, but it was all an act. Alex was actually stupidly smart. The stupidity was a facade, a mask, a joke. It helps his humor further play out nicely and smoothly, making others laugh at him brings him joy. But Alex gives great advice, has all A’s (despite his abominable test-taking skills) and knows his way around comforting anyone in any situation. He often tells Karl of his goals to one day become a lawyer, and he connects the debate club to this aspiration, now feeling a little less guilty for it being partially his fault of his quitting of improv. Alex is a great friend and a smart fucking person. Which is why it always irks Karl when people make assumptions and misconceptions of his intelligence, always underestimating him. Alex says he doesn’t mind if people thinks he’s dumb, but Karl did, because Alex means the world to him.

“Thanks,” Karl simply responds. “I mean for everything, even if you had to sneak behind my back to get me with some mystery guy,”

“Who you are now madly in love with I might add,”

Karl scoffs. “I hate it when you’re right,”

Alex smiles sweetly. “Then you must hate me most of the time, cuz I just got an A on my final baby!”

Karl shares Alex’s excitement, but the levels of excitement descend a bit when they realize they are in a library. They fall to a hush.

“So what were you laughing at on your phone then?” Karl eventually asks, still having unanswered questions on his mind. Alex hands Karl his phone hesitantly, but eventually does let Karl take it from his grasp.

Karl reads the texts from the group chat titled, “the matchmakers,” along with some crude emojis. As he scrolls through he sees the names were previously, "the connoisseurs," , "cupid's helpers," , "wingmen," and "the 3 stooges (that help too idiots fuck each other)" but they eventually landed and stuck with "the matchmakers," Karl thinks it was also best. He scrolls through the conversations with wide eyes, unsure of whether or not he should be horrified, skeptical or intrigued. Or all three.

George: Omg did you see the way Sapnap was looking at Karl during practice today? I think we successfully got these two goons together.

Dream: Yeah holy shit, he was practically drooling over the guy.

Alex: Ok but did you see Karl staring at him with love eyes during their scene? They looked so fond at each other, they will be together in no time. Calling it now. I’ll give it two weeks.

Dream: How much do you wanna bet?

Alex: 20 buckaroonies

George: Deal! I say it’ll take 3 weeks, I love the guy but Sapnap is very oblivious when it comes to liking people.

Dream: That’s true, he always denies his feelings ‘cause he’s scared of them. I’ll join George with that bet

Alex: Of course you will, any surprise there?

George: Shut it

Karl couldn’t believe what he was reading, they had a groupchat, they talked about their simpiness, they bet on them. They bet on them?

“You bet on us?”

Alex scratched the back of his neck with a guilty look on his face and threw a shrug, Karl rolled his eyes, he can’t stay mad for long anyways. He did kind of get him a boyfriend, one he can’t imagine life without now, so he continues to read.

Alex: HAHAHA TOLD U IT’LL BE TWO WEEKS PAY UPPPP

Dream: Fuck

George: Damn, i was so sure

Alex: 20 each

Dream: That wasn’t the bet?

Alex: Yes it was, if I lost i give u both 20, if I win you both give me 20. Pay. Up.

George: Fine

Dream: I hate you Alex Qauckity.

George: Yeah I for sure thought Sapnap wouldn’t give in so quick, he’s usually so unsure with his feelings

Dream: Maybe it was obvious with Karl. Maybe it was different with him.

Karl stopped scanning when he read that, his hand flying to his mouth in disbelief. Was it different? Was his feelings for Karl so obvious as it was for Karl’s feelings for him? He was spiraling, and Alex notices this so he takes his phone back.

“Yeah so, that’s that,” Alex says, pocketing his phone once it was returned to his hands. “Sorry I lied to you, I just wanted you to be happy dude. I’m looking out for you. And you know we talk about how much happier you guys are now. I think Sapnap is good for you, and Dream and George seem to agree you’re good for him as well,”

Karl looks back at Alex with sparkling eyes. “Really?”

Alex smirks. “Yeah, you’re all cute and shit. It’s disgusting really,”

Karl giggles at his best friend’s remark. “And it’s okay Alex. It’s not like you were doing anything bad, it’s sweet you care so much about me. And it landed me a hot boyfriend so,”
Alex gives Karl a wink, “Not a problem for my bestie, now, can we please get pizza? I’m fucking starving,”

“Let’s,” Karl complies, and Karl aggressively grabs Alex’s hand and swings it around dramatically as they exit the building.

-

“So what did you end up buying with the money?” Karl interrogates, mouth full of pepperoni.

“Xbox game,” Alex replies, sipping his sprite contentedly.

“You bet on Sapnap and I for an xbox game?”

“To be fair it was GTA V so-”

“You’re the worst”

“Love you too,”

Chapter Text

Karl thought life was finally going to be okay, that is until he wakes up one February morning in a cold sweat.

The nightmare, it was back. Karl found himself checking his pulse eagerly to see if he was still alive, if he was awake, and not trapped in his mind’s twisted wasteland. He was awake for sure, but the fear that emitted from the feeling of his pulse thumping so vigorously wasn’t any more comforting.

Karl took a couple of breaths to calm down. It’s okay, you’re awake, you’re fine He counted back from ten in his mind and let his body ease as he hears birds chirping from outside his window. It was a milky navy blue outside, insinuating it was around 6 am, and he has to get up for school soon. So he manages himself out of bed, it was brutally cold in his room, he shudders.

Shivers fill down his spine as he looks in the mirror, getting sudden flashbacks to the dream he had not too long ago, right before October. The one where he saw his father, spinning trees, the world crushing in on him.

He remembers how cold he was, in the middle of the blizzard of trees, dead trees. Gray and dying, the bite of frost on the branches made Karl feel so uneasy, like it was snapping at his skin.

“Is this nightmare, this recurring one, connected to that dream?”

He finds himself asking, staring dead into his reflection. He’s talking to himself, but the question hangs in the air, obviously with no response. He feels so stupid for expecting some random sign from the world to answer his query, instead he lets his head fall into the sleeves of his cardigan.

-

“You look dead,” comment’s a black-haired boy in a Puma beanie, sitting down at the desk next to Karl’s.

“That’s because I am,” Karl replies. “Or at least I feel like it,”

“What’s up? No sleep?” Alex assumes, tapping his pencil on the desk.

“The nightmare, it’s back,” Karl admits, face turning paler as he remembers vivid flashes of said nightmare revisiting him. Screams silenced, feet stuck in place, wanting so badly to move, to break free of this trapped feeling that resonates with him throughout the haze, but he couldn’t. His breath was starting to get all shaky just thinking about it.

Alex gives a worrying look, but places a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry dude, it’ll be okay. I’m sure they’ll be gone again soon,”

Karl appreciates Alex and his reassurance, of course there’s not much Alex could do about it. It’s not like he has control of his mind, or can threaten his mind to stop or else it’ll get an ‘ass-whooping’ by a 5’6 boy who almost never shows his hair in public. So he tries a small smile.

“Thanks,” he manages to say, behind his tired eyes and croaky voice. “I just need to sleep during this period,” Karl mumbles.

“Well it looks like Mr Brown is putting on a documentary about Thomas Jefferson, so that shouldn’t be hard to do,” his friend comments, pointing to Mr Brown pulling a giant old-looking tv into the classroom, Karl thanks anyone that might be above for making Mr Brown feel lazy today.

-

The rest of the day was tiring, to say the least. Right when Karl thinks he forgot abou the stupid dream, it pulls itself back into his train-of-thoughts, rattling his brain once more. He wonders, wonders why. Why the nightmare returned, and why today.

“You good?” Niki questions, looking over at Karl with a concerned face. Karl takes a bite of his blueberry muffin and nods his head slightly.

“Yeah, I guess. Just exhausted. Had a nightmare, it’s been wrecking me all day,” he blurts, he doesn’t want to annoy her with the details but he wants to be honest. After all, Niki is a great friend. Her friendly gaze makes his heavy chest weighing him down feel just a bit lighter.

“That sucks man, I’m sorry,” Niki says with a genuine tone and a soft expression. She hands over a piece of her chocolate bar. “Chocolate?”

“God you’re great,” Karl utters, accepting the piece graciously, Niki giggles.

Karl then realizes it's lunchtime. And Sapnap is nowhere to be seen, in fact, he wasn’t at school all day. Man this day was sucky.

“Where’s Sapnap?” Karl announces loud enough so the question is directed at the whole table instead of just Niki, eager for an answer.

“Oh he’s at home, he’s super nervous about today’s game. Like he’s all in his head about it. Plus he got in a fight with his family last night. He’s kinda fucked up right now,” responds Dream. Karl feels sick in his stomach. All of this, and he didn’t know? Karl was surprised, usually he was the first to know this kind of stuff, especially stuff this important.

Karl thought Sapnap trusted him, but he did notice that lately he seems distant with his emotions. Everytime Karl tries to ask him about his family, he brushes it off, changing the subject. Of course, family can be a touchy subject, but they trust each other. And Karl is the last person who would judge someone for that kind of stuff, Sapnap knows that. Or does he? Does he know that? He has to.

Karl finds himself standing up from his seat and fleeing into the bathroom, phone in hand and tears starting to build up. Fuck, fuck fuck

He traps himself in a stall and closes his eyes, back flat against the wall. He squeezes his eyes closed, fighting back the stinging tears that are forming. No, not right now. Not here. Not for a stupid, stupid reason he tells himself. The tears don’t fall. He starts dialing, dialing a familiar number, a number he still has written on a coffee cup in his room.
“Hello..?” answers a groggy voice on the receiving end. Thank god. Karl sighs, relieved.

“Hey I-”

“Are you crying?”

“Kind of,” Karl replies, chuckling a bit at himself. “I might be having a bit of a mini panic attack right now,” Karl wasn’t lying. His heart was racing, it tugged in his chest as it tightened up. He felt trapped, like in his nightmare, like when he first woke up from it. Feeling helpless and lost.

He could hear a sudden motion and something being knocked over in a rush on the other side of the phone. Karl’s eyes widen a bit.

“Why? What’s wrong. Are you okay? Karl-” a worried voice fills his ears.

“Why aren’t you here Sapnap,”

Silence. He swears the call ended, as the call was dead quiet for a moment. A pin could drop and it would be extremely loud.

“The real reason. No bullshit,” Karl hardly ever curses, but he doesn’t care, as he feels himself start to break apart at the idea that they could be drifting apart. And it might be all his fault.

“I’m overwhelmed. I’m a mess,” the other finally speaks. “My parents. They are the worst-”

“They seemed fine when I met them,” Karl interrupts, he feels slightly bad, but he wants the truth. All of it. He needs clarity.

“Yeah ‘cause they put on a show. Around people, they act all ‘Oh we are nice and we are happy’ but in reality they aren’t,”

Karl lets the boy explain himself, he’s happy he’s opening up, even if he’s having a panic attack in a bathroom while it’s happening. Even if the confession feels a bit forced, as Karl realizes telling someone they are having a panic attack over something can feel pressuring. But he doesn’t let himself overthink it in the moment.

“They fight. All the time. They refuse to admit they are broken. And-when I first came out to them, man were they not happy. Eventually they grew to accept me for who I am, which is great, but it feels like they still hold it against me sometimes. Feels like I’m such a burden just ‘cause I like guys. It’s so hard to live with Karl,”

Karl listens intently, he feels like shit. He feels so bad for him, he just wants to give him a hug, to feel him in his arms. To give his head a soft kiss as he’s stroking his finger across his back slightly, shushing any sobs that may come. He wants so badly to comfort the boy, spilling his feelings out.

“I’m so sorry,” is all Karl can say.

“Don’t be,” the other returns. “And I’m sorry. For not telling you sooner, it’s not that I don’t trust you babe, because I do. I really do. It’s just that I didn’t want to dump all my trauma onto you just because you’re my boyfriend. I don’t want to burden you-like how I burden my parents-”

“Well I’m not your parents. And you’re not burdening me Sapnap, I care about you, a lot. It hurts to see you feel like you aren’t enough. Because you are. I want to comfort you, like how you comforted me. That’s what lovers do, they comfort each other, help each other out. I want to be there for you. And I would never judge you, you could never feel like a burden,” Karl rejoins.

There’s a small beat in the call before Karl could hear a faint whimper that turns into soft sobs. “Thank you Karl. I know, I know you’re not like them. Not like them at all,”

“Shh please don’t cry, you’re too pretty for that,” Karl nervously chuckles.

Sapnap sniffles, laughing along with Karl. “Well are you okay? You said-”

“-Because of you. I was worried about you, where you were. And I asked Dream and he said you were at home stressed and you got in a fight with your parents. And I felt like a bad boyfriend for not knowing, for not helping you,” Karl confesses.

Sapnap huffs. “Karl. It’s not your fault, please know that. I’m just really having a bad week, but everytime I see you, you brighten it up. So please don’t blame yourself,”

Karl smiles. “Okay, well, you have a football game tonight right?”

“Yeah, you should come,”

“Maybe,” Karl feels his heart slow down a bit, he feels his body ease down. “Maybe I will,”

“Good, talk to you later?”

“Yeah, talk to you soon,”

-

Karl finds himself in the passenger seat of Alex’s car. Sure Karl has been to just about a million football games of his, but he felt especially nervous tonight. He doesn’t know why but he felt shaky, his hands trembling a bit against the car door where he lays his arm. He couldn’t shake his nerves, or the bad gut feeling he has that makes his stomach twist.

“Yo you look like you're gonna throw up and I’d rather you roll down the window and tell me before you do,”

He shakes his head at the boy, “I’m not gonna throw up, just all jittery s’all. Don’t really know why,”

“Is it ‘cause of Sapnap?”

Karl takes that into consideration. Is it? Is it because of their conversation they had on the phone. Was he worried that Sapnap would hate him for prying into his personal life and basically pressuring him into opening up? Maybe, but he knew Sapnap wouldn’t be mad, he said he wasn’t mad. But was he just being nice? These thoughts made his head throb a bit and he felt a migraine start to kick in. God Karl hates thinking.

“I don’t know, maybe,” he ends up going with.

“Look it’s okay, you guys are fine. He was just on edge today. Don’t worry too much about it, you’re all tired and stuff already. You’re gonna stress yourself out too much, you look all shaken up. Loosen up a bit,”

Karl really doesn’t understand how Alex can be so right and so comforting at the same time without coming off as pretentious. He’s a really good friend, and his words do seem to make him feel a bit better.

“Okay, thanks Big Q,”

The boy shoots him finger guns and pulls into the school parking lot. Karl takes a breath and closes his eyes slightly as he unbuckles his seatbelt.

Here we go.

-

Okay so the game wasn’t exactly going well

Karl doesn’t know much about football. The first few games of Sapnap’s he went to he had to let Niki and Alex explain to him how the point system works and who to cheer for at what times and all that. But the tension of the game was starting to prick at him, it was starting to make him feel nauseous. Like he was playing along with them, cursing himself for not playing good enough. Though he knows if they lose it won’t hurt them too much, the school has a pretty good track record of football game win streaks that they like to proudly boast to opposing schools.

“I’m gonna grab us some snacks,” Alex announces, rising from his seat. Karl nods at the boy and returns to the game, with a scrunched face. Man it sucks to see them like this.

Usually Karl would look out to see bright smiling determined faces, brave and ready to take on the other team. Usually he would see his boyfriend give a snarky smirk to him when they meet their eyes, he would follow the smirk with a wink and Karl would blush and hide it with rolling his eyes in a light hearted way. Usually his eyes would be sparkling green like a suburban lawn on a summer’s day, staring at the boy with lust and sincerity, that would make Karl melt in his seat. It would make Karl forget the world around him, everything else fading to a blur. But instead when he sees the boy's face, it’s filled with frustration and his eyes are crestfallen, and they don’t meet Karl’s, not even once.

Disappointed, Karl huffs as he lets his chin rest on his hand, propped on his knee. You can make this shot, you can do it Sapnap, you can-

Sapnap is tackled to the ground aggressively by a player on the opposing team. Or not.. God, what is with today? Why is it so gloomy? Winter starts to set in on him.

-

The game is over, and yeah they lost. Karl wants to see Sapnap, he wants to tell him he’s sorry about the game, but hopefully tries to brighten his day by getting a late dinner or something. Just the two of them. But after the game he’s nowhere to be seen.

He spots someone familiar on the field, Punz. A player on the football team he’s interacted with a couple of times while with Sapnap, he’s nice, funny, approachable. So he approaches.

“Yo Punz!” Karl exclaims, the blonde boy turns around when his name is spoken and smiles brightly when he recognizes Karl’s face.

“Karl!” he shouts. “What’s up?”

“Sorry about the game. It’s a shame,”

Punz shakes his head slightly at that. “S’alright, it happens,”

“Have you seen Sapnap?” Karl finally asks, he hopes he doesn’t pick up the desperation in his tone. The desperation of needing to know.

“Oh yeah uh Sam is having a party at his house, he said he was stopping by to uh ‘let some steam off’” Punz replies, air quoting. “He was pretty upset about the game,”

Karl gives the boy a fond look. “Thank you Punz, see you around?”

“Sure!”

Karl needed to go to the party, he just had to. Upon telling Alex, he makes a comment about how he wasn’t his chauffeur. Which was then followed by Karl snarling at him, and Alex giving in to driving him to Sam’s.

He was at Sam’s house, he’s never properly met Sam. He knows of him. He’s on the team, and his house was freaking huge. Two aspects of Sam that he knows of, the only two. Still, he steps into the flashing lights of his living room, crowded with wasted teenagers and screaming of pop songs he didn’t know the lyrics to. He hates parties, on the surface. If Sapnap was by his side, he would soak it up. He would feel all giddy, ready to fill his face with alcohol and get all bold, making out with the boy in a stranger’s guest bedroom. But Sapnap is not with him.

Instead, Sapnap is spotted in the kitchen. In the kitchen, with Gina.

Karl’s sneakers squeak at the sight, he stops in his tracks of the sight. There he is. In all his glory, leaning over with a red solo cup in hand. And he looks like he had enough to drink, stumbling over himself slightly. Gina helps him and places a hand on his arm.

No no no

The way she touches him is too intimate for Karl’s liking. And the look he gives her makes Karl’s heart fall apart. Before he knows it, as if the world was crashing down, as if his life was flashing before his eyes, the two are met with a kiss. And Karl could die.

Karl could die right there, right then. His heart jumped to his throat as his eyes fluttered, preparing for the tears that he could feel forming. His face was hot, with shame, God I am so stupid aren’t I, I’m too late

He was left standing there, dumbfounded. His feet glued to the ground, he wanted so badly to run away, to run away and cry. Cry outside, in the bathroom, have an emotional breakdown in a bathroom. But he couldn’t, he was stuck standing still. Just like in his goddamn dream.

Moments that felt like years pass before Sapnap notices Karl is there, and their eye contact burns. It physically hurts, it tugs his heart strings. And suddenly the world, it’s burning down, heat rises and his body tenses up. Sapnap has the most heart-breaking look, like he was the one who had his heart stomped on. Like Karl kissed someone else. Someone Karl was so worried would come in the way of them, but was reassured that she was nothing, just to have seen them kiss right in front of him.

And yeah, Sapnap is drunk, it’s obvious. But Karl didn’t give a shit.

Suddenly, the boy was walking towards Karl, who was still standing still. Still standing.

“Karl-”

“No,” Karl manages to utter, miraculously. He swears his throat is closed up, soar, so tightly that no sound comes out, and that’s all he said. It was stern, stiff. The sound made Sapnap’s face fall.

“Please Karl,”

“No, no, no you can’t just-” Karl was screaming. He was screaming. He never screams. But here he was, looking up at his boyfriend, who just kissed someone else standing before him with the saddest look on his face, screaming.

“I don’t want to hear what you have to say,”

And Karl’s shoes managed to unstick, as he could feel his body start to move again. Pivoting around the corner of the kitchen, fast past walking. He could hear Sapnap follow him, so Karl picks up his pace and wipes his teary eyes.

He finds a door, so he opens it, and slams in behind him. His face was filled with heat, and eyes were trembling with tears. He bursts into loud sobs as he lays his face in his hands as he sits on the bed of the room.

It was all too much for him, everything, all of it. All hitting him at once.

The door creaks open, and Karl doesn’t want to even dare look up from his hands. He hopes to god it’s someone, anyone else. Sam, Alex, Punz, or hell even some random drunk stranger who came in to throw up or to make out with someone else. He’d rather deal with the embarrassment of crying in front of a stranger than face Sapnap right now. But of course, the universe was not on his side today, as he notices the figure sit down next to him, noticing the same Nike sneakers that Sapnap wears all the freaking time.

Usually the sight of the sneakers would make Karl jump for joy, the idea of seeing his boyfriend always makes Karl content, until now.

He forces himself to peel away from his hands and take a glance at the boy, who’s face was equally as wrecked as his.

“I’m so fucking sorry. Oh my god Karl. I-I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m drunk-but that’s not an excuse I know. I was stressed about the game, the losing it, and my family is driving me insane. You know all this, but I didn’t mean to hurt you, I didn’t mean to-”

“To what,” Karl interjects, anger filling his voice. “To kiss her? To kiss Gina? Out of all people?”

Sapnap’s tears streak his face as he turns away, cursing to himself. “Please, she doesn’t mean anything. She was just reassuring me, we were talking about my family. She’s in a similar situation with hers,” he tries to explain, but Karl isn’t having any of it.

“So you can talk to her about it? Talk to her but not me? I had to basically force it out of you for you to open up. But for her , for her it’s easy?” Karl’s voice breaks with each word he croaks.

The silence is dangerous, it’s murderous. It feels like a stabbing, a sharp stab to the chest. And Karl can’t scream, he’s forced to feel the pain of the stab and observe the open wound.

“Karl it’s just she was going through something similar. And I didn’t mean to lean in, it was an accident-”

“An accident?” Karl asks, genuine confusion hinted in his tone.

“Okay maybe it wasn’t. But I was so mad at myself, for losing the game. I put so much pressure on myself, I drank, a lot,”

Karl is tired of the excuses.

“I love you so much it hurts,” he utters, through the waterfall of tears streaming down his face, steaming his cheeks, flushing them a dark red. It stung, it bit. “So why did you hurt me?”

A question so powerful, he felt the wave pass through him and hit the other in the face. He sees it in the way the expression in his face changes.

“I love you too Karl. I would never mean to hurt you like that. I’m so sorry, I fucked up, I admit it,”

Karl doesn't believe him. As much as it makes sense for him too, as much as anyone else in his life would convince him that it’s true, Karl doesn’t believe him. He doesn’t let himself.

“If you love me, why did you kiss someone else? Even if you were drunk! Your subconscious should know you love me and wouldn’t have done that. You didn’t even have a little bit of sense there? Plus the whole drunk words are sober thoughts thing-”

“Now that just sounds like shit Quackity would say-”

Karl is beyond furious, bringing up his best friend now? A new level of low. Defensive and broken, he makes a disgusted face. “Yeah well Quackity wouldn’t have distrusted me like you did. He’s a loyal friend, he got us together! And for what? Nothing. For you to fuck up!” He yells out of anger and hurt. It filled his bones, it rattled his ribcage, the amount of hurt. It kills him. He’s never been this distraught in his life.

Sapnap is drowning in his tears and Karl is in the same mess of emotional state as he is.

“That night you cried to me, when you were talking about your dad, I knew. You trusted me enough to vent to me, to spill your feelings out and be completely vulnerable. That’s when I knew. When you told me how you feel when I’m around you, I wanted to tell you I feel the exact same. Please Karl. Please don’t leave,”

The distress in his voice made Karl consider it, made Karl want to stay. But he knew for the life of him he couldn’t. He couldn’t put himself through it, it isn’t healthy. He knew if he stays, he would feel just as empty as he does right now. Right now, in some almost-stranger’s bedroom (guestroom? parent’s bedroom? didn’t matter) feeling the worst he’s ever felt in a very long time. Sobbing his eyes out until they were almost dry, staining his cheeks.

“You promised forever and always,” he mentions, the words stinging his tongue, as he recounts a past memory. Of a simpler time, one filled with sweet soft touches, filled of want, of excitement. Filled with love. “So forever and always meant nothing to you huh? I just meant nothing to you. This, this thing. Meant nothing?”

The words were harsh, they were sharp and pointy. Like a sword cutting across a throat, leaving someone on the floor to die. Karl could tell his words really affected Sapnap, he tries to hold a hand out to touch him, but Karl stands up in a quick manner.

“I can’t be here anymore,” he states. And he was telling the absolute truth, he rushes out of the room into the loud and overwhelming atmosphere of the party. He is at a party, he was reminded of this, it makes him feel even worse than he possibly could, and he didn’t know that was possible.

He leans his back against the door, he couldn’t leave yet, so he lets himself feel it all. Feel the wave of suffering hit him like a wave, a harsh wave on a beach on a stormy day. Relentless, merciless, unforgiving.

He stands still, closes his eyes, and lets himself feel.

Chapter Text

Karl spends lunches outside now. Outside, alone.

Of course he didn’t mind seeing his friends, Niki, Alex, Dream, George, Puffy or anyone else in his improv class. But with Sapnap there, it was too much. He couldn’t even fathom the thought of seeing him again, not for a long time.

One lunch, while Karl is biting into his sandwich on a chilly afternoon, shuddering in his hoodie he wrapped himself in, Alex comes out to join him.

“Hey man,”

Alex greets, flinging his backpack on the ground as he sits down next to the boy, who looks exhausted out of his mind. He’s been looking, and feeling, out of shape, out of mind all week ever since he had the blow out with Sapnap. His friends noted this, asking him to hang out more to get him out of his room and more active. But Karl has no energy to spend, so he spends those days wallowing alone in his room, lights off. Fully immersed in the dead of winter and its effects. The cold bite of wind coming through his creaked open window in the morning, how dark it gets so early and it giving him an excuse to lay in bed and sleep earlier, the lack of sun letting his body feel nothing other than drowsiness and depression. His blankets weighing him to the bed, trapping him in a state of misery.

“Look I missed you dude, we all do,” Alex pauses. “All of us,”

Karl knows what he means by that, he knows but he doesn’t care. Of course Karl misses Sapnap, he can’t deny that, but it hurts. All of it. It hurts to think of him, to think of the memories they shared. It hurts to scroll on his camera roll and find photos of them together, on dates, ones they shared through discord and snapchat. It all hurts so much. So he pushes it away, pushes it all always deep down to the depths of his soul, so he doesn’t feel a thing. After all the crying he’s numb, Karl is numb. And he intends to keep it that way.

“I’m sorry for what happened, I really am. But man, you can’t shut yourself out from the world, at least not from us. Your friends, we are worried. We care for you, okay?” Alex tells the boy, whose head is laid on the picnic table. Looking up at the other with tired and apologetic eyes.

“Yeah I know. I’m sorry, I just-” Karl lifts his head up, sits up a bit straighter when getting himself a bit more situated in the other’s presence. “I’m just out of it you know? I don’t even know how I can go back to improv. With him, and Gina,” Improv has been cast aside ever since he’d caught Sapnap red-handed, Karl’s thankful that Mr. Valez has been cancelling practices for god knows what reason. Some rumors have been speculating and circling around the school, but Karl has been too occupied to notice or care in the slightest about what they are.

“Please don’t worry about it. It’s the last thing you need right now. What you need is to hang out with me and Niki, George and Dream. After school, I promise we’ll do our best to lift our spirits. Puffy might come, I’ll buy you boba. Please,” the boy practically begs, even clasping his hands together like he’s praying at the boy.

Alex was right, he didn’t need to think about Sapnap, he needed his friends. He felt kind of self-centered at the moment, all caught up in one guy and not considering Alex and their friendship. He feels dumb, he does value his friendships, he needs a distraction. So he manages a smile just for his best friend.

“Okay fine,” Karl responds, his smile growing wider as he watches Alex break into a mini celebratory dance. “And I’m sorry. For isolating myself and it feels like the only conversations we have anymore is you comforting me. So I’m sorry, for making you feel invalidated-”

“Pshh I don’t feel invalidated. I know you are going through some things and I just wanna help. Don’t worry about it,” Alex interjects with confidence and positivity in his voice, Karl grins.

“Okay so you’re gonna buy me boba?”

Alex scoffs, “If it’ll help you stop moping around and get you off your ass, I’ll buy you as much boba as you want,”

The tone was meant to be teasing, but it felt heartwarming to Karl.

-

Karl enjoys himself with his friends, more than he’d like to admit. The playful dynamic of Dream and George flirting and clinginess along with Niki and Puffy being sweet and coupley made Karl feel more happy than envious. Alex was there of course, so he didn’t feel like he was 5th wheeling, and they didn’t make him feel excluded in the slightest. Reeling him into conversations about school and improv practice, he felt very much included, and starts to actually believe Alex when he had mentioned that they missed him.

“I heard Mr. Valez got divorced, but remarried?” Niki butts in. Dream raises his eyebrows in confusion.

“Re married already? How? He’s still going through the divorce process. He’s just speedrunning relationships now-”

“Not everything can be compared to minecraft Dream,” George cuts in.

“Speedrunning isn’t just a minecraft thing, god George,”

“Yeah yeah shut up and speed run these nuts in your mouth idiot,” Alex eventually gives in. Dream drags a hand across his face in embarrassment as everyone bursts into fits of laughter. Alex and Dream had been keeping a counter of how many ‘these nuts’ jokes they can make at each other. It’s 5-2, and Alex is winning.

The company relaxes Karl, he really does miss his friends. He joins in their laughter, feeling lighter, and brighter, cleaner. Like the dirt of depression weighing down on him all week is all off his body, like a giant shower. And now he can just bask in the cleanliness. Breathing in fresh air, he takes a sip of his boba, feeling infinitely better.

-

Until he remembers that Valentine’s day is here, it comes before he knows it, he wakes to the reminder of how alone he is, and is going to be, on the day.

He walks to school, no more rides, he doesn’t even bring himself to hop on the bus anymore. He says it’s because he always hated the bus, but it’s really because he’s afraid of seeing him. Even if he knows for a fact that Sapnap has never taken the bus, the possibility terrifies him, to his very core.

School makes everything worse, infinitely worse.

Because their school has this stupid valentines gram thing. And Karl finds himself reeling in his own pity once more. He recounts a thought he had a while ago, when he was still alive and well. He thinks about how each year on Valentines, he’s spent it alone, having to deal with seeing couple’s getting their singing grams and secretly wishing it were him being sung to (even if it was very embarrassing).

The choir sings to people during class, lunch, even in the hallways. Songs the other picks out for them, songs that mean something, or just silly love songs that don’t hold weight, but still have care rooted deep in the action of purchasing one.

He recalls the idea of maybe Sapnap sending him one, he didn’t care about what song, just any song. When they were still together, he thought about bringing it up, but he didn’t. Afraid of what he might say, if he would make fun of him for wanting one. He knew that Sapnap probably wouldn’t mock him, but he still kept quiet, and now he wished he had told him. Because watching all the girls and guys swoon over the songs their s/o had paid to have the choir sing as they watched to see their reaction made Karl sick to his stomach. It was jealousy this time, as much as he’d like to admit it.

He tries so hard not to care, but he does.

“Beautiful just the way you are,” is what Puffy bought for Niki, making her blush immensely, planting a kiss on her cheek when the choir kids left the table.

Dream sprouts a cocky smile when he hears, “Our song,” echoing through the hallways while walking beside George, that rolls his eyes before splitting into a wide grin that he can’t help.

Even Quackity bought a gram from Sally, it was “Can’t feel my face,” which made Sally giggle a lot, probably an inside joke they share. Karl smiles at the couples before he comes to realize he will not be sung to today.

He thinks he’s okay with it, he’s not sure why he’s so jealous. Being sung to is embarrassing. Everyone’s eyes on you, choir kids singing off-key while you try not to make eye contact with anyone and try to show a positive reaction so your partner doesn’t regret the 5 dollars they spent for a stupid song. But Karl is jealous, and it makes him angry, he should be happy for his friends. But he just isn’t. selfish, you’re so freaking selfish he can’t help but repeat in his head. He’s not one to think of himself in these kinds of situations, so the feeling of envy made him feel guilt, and these feelings ate him whole.

They ate him whole during gym, trying not to get hit by the dodgeball, having to endure another singing gram in the middle of the game. At least we get a break from getting hit with balls he reassures himself as he sits on the bench and watches the two get all giddy over their highschool honeymoon love.

Highschool honeymoon love he used to have.

Before, Before-

Karl slams his head against his bedroom wall, why why why. Why him? Why today?

A few notes and chocolates are left by his bedside table, labeled: “From: Mom <3,” / “From: Alex ;p” / “From: Niki :D”

But none of them mattered, he always got valentines from his mom and friends. None of them mattered, because they weren’t from Sapnap.

He imagines what it would be like to wake up on Valentines day and get a million texts from the boy, asking about his sleep, sending him good morning wishes with some silly little emojis. He imagines holding his hand in class, be handed some candy and flowers, in front of everyone. He wouldn’t care about the eyes burning into him and the boy, judging, he would just smell the flowers and stash the candy away for later. For them to share in the afternoon. He would be at lunch with him, eating whatever he decided to pack that day, (heart-shaped cookie maybe tucked away underneath his veggie slices), before hearing the choir burst through the door to sing some song. Some silly little song, that would make Karl’s heart soar. His face would light up and he would look over to the boy and kiss him, and watch as his face brightens as well. And they’d match, and he’d lean his head on Sapnap’s shoulder and close his eyes and enjoy it. Enjoy the high notes, the low ones, the attempt at melody and harmony. So imperfectly imperfect, so raw and real. Of course it would be a song that Sapnap has wracked his brain over to think of. He could vision him, notepad in hand, scribbling dozens of ideas down. Crossing out the ‘too risky’ ones, ‘too cheesy’, ‘too broad’. Until he finally narrowed it down to the one he would decide to submit for the form. Even though they both know whatever song he would pick didn’t matter, and Karl would adore it either way.

Karl hits himself, why does he miss him? Why is he thinking of him? He broke his heart, he betrayed his trust, he kissed someone else. He insulted his best friend, he got drunk and thought of another's lips, good enough to kiss. It stings, just thinking about it. Karl wants the numbness he was feeling just yesterday, and the day before, and the day before. He wants it back because it’s better than now, then missing what shouldn’t be missed. The still wanting, still loving, after all the pain he’s been through.

Closure, closure is what he needs. He needs closure. Because there’s no way in hell Karl could go on any other way. He can’t shut these emotions out, they are too strong, too powerful. He needs something more, something that will help him move on, forgive and forget.

And that thing is closure.

Chapter Text

“Closure?” Alex repeats, mouth full of gummy worms he stashed in his cheeks seconds before.

Karl nods his head. “Closure. It’s the only way,” he takes a sip of his monster, pressing some buttons on his controller to make his character jump and punch Alex’s and eventually watches as his character dies. Alex groans at his loss, but quickly brushes it off.

It’s March now, and Karl has calmed a bit, but not enough to feel alright again. He spends improv stuck by Niki and Puffy’s side, and Mr. Valez has switched practices to work on individual stuff rather than groups. He doesn’t know how he ended up so lucky for that to happen, he thinks maybe the universe knew they owed him one. He still sees Sapnap, but never pays him any attention. Him or the girl who made his life a living hell for however long. Winter has also eased a bit, slipping its way into spring slowly but surely. All was looking up, but Karl’s head was still hanging low.

Eventually Alex’s words snap him back to reality.

“Dude, so just like that, you’re giving up on him? You’re in love with him!”

“I know! But Alex, he cheated on me!” The words that leave his tongue leaves a bad taste in his mouth. It traces to the back of his throat, and feels the sting of them prick him slightly, like the feeling you get right before you hurl. He’s never said it outloud, but yeah, Sapnap cheated on him. He feels like he commited a crime just saying it, and just realizing that what he said is true. It doesn’t help his mood or his self-esteem much. He pushes his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them, tightening the grip a bit. He lets his chin relax the small gap in between his knees before turning to gaze at the other.

He finds a soft face, filled with what Karl interprets as pity. “Yeah, but Karl, he loves you too,”

The statement is crystal clear, he knows deep down it’s true. But he ignores the fact. “People who love people don’t cheat,” Karl retaliates. “And If I love him, I’ll let him go. If he loves me, he’ll let me go,”

“Man this isn’t a ‘Panic! At the Disco’ song,” Alex snaps. “I’m sick of you trying to justify your feelings with some philosophical shit. You aren’t socrates and you aren’t over him and won’t ever be. You don’t need closure, you need time,”

Karl doesn’t like that Alex could be right. He doesn’t like the feeling of hope residing within him as he considers, ‘Maybe I just do need time,’

Karl is tired of thinking, thinking is what got him in the sticky situation he’s in, in the messy love life he currently has, a love life that used to be non-existent. Unbothered, untouched, perfectly clean. He wishes for a clean slate, and a quieter mind, with quieter thoughts. His mind was so incredibly loud and he couldn’t break into it. He needs the key, he needs the key to his brain so he can take it all out. Take out all his thoughts and start anew. Fresh, squeaky clean slate. A new start, a new mind.

He absent-mindedly starts a new game, avoiding their bickering conversation. Alex lets the air out of his mouth whistle into the silence of the room, knowing he had one yet another argument, if you can call it that. But the game is paused suddenly and Karl flicks his controller to unpause it, but Alex shuts off the tv.

“Dude we were-”

“Shut it Karlos, don’t want to hear another word,”

Karl notices Alex’s phone is ringing, and quickly obeys his friend’s orders. Shutting up. Alex picks up the phone.

“Big Q of Big Q corporations speaking how may I assist you on this fine afterno-yes this is Quackity. I’m sorry, okay, now what do you want? Yes I’m with him right now. Wha, there’s no way-dude I’m telling you-FINE I’LL TRY OKAY? Jesus leave me be will ya? Okay, okay, bye you loser. Oh by the way have you seen Candice? Can deez nuts fit in yo-”

Karl assumes that Dream had hung up before Alex could finish the joke. Alex laughs to himself and looks to Karl with a nervous expression. “So that was Dream,”

“I assumed after the whole Candice joke thing. Can’t believe the man fell for it,” Karl tries to lighten the mood, but it only works for half a second, as Alex looks like he was determined to say something that would probably chop Karl into pieces.

“Dream wanted me to ask you to come to Sapnap’s party this weekend,”

Aaaand Karl guessed correctly. It chops him into pieces.

“Nope. Nope nope nopity nope,”

Alex lightly smacks Karl in the head with his controller. Karl breathes out a small ‘ow’ before Alex adds, “You said you needed closure right? Well this can bring you closure. You can see the guy and tell him to fuck off and that you hate him and he’s shit and tell him off or whatever and then BOOM closure,”

Of course he was right. But Karl was persistent.

“Alex, he wouldn’t want me there-”

“Obviously he wants you there. He wants you to show so he can apologize. He’s probably only throwing it so he can see you!”

Karl scrunches his nose. He doesn’t let his mind go down that path. But Karl knows that fighting any further with Alex will make him end up right back where they started, Alex being right and winning another argument. And Karl doesn’t want to give the boy any sense of satisfaction that he didn’t already have, his ego didn’t need it either.

“Fine. FINE. Only if I can ingest alcohol. And if you’re there. And if Dream and George are there. And if Niki is there-”

“Deal deal deal!” Alex shouts, shaking Karl’s hand enthusiastically as if they just sealed the most money-making pact in the history of monopoly. Karl sighs. Maybe this party will help him, maybe he can fight his inner demons and be over Sapnap.

-

His inner demons are a lot scarier than they seem.

Even the sight of Sapnap’s house makes Karl visibly cringe in the car seat. Memories start to slowly creep on him, he swats them away. Focus. Karl shuts his eyes tight. Stay strong. as if Karl had any strength left to keep. He was clueless on his power status.

The car is crowded, he’s squished in between a lovey-dovey couple who are practically on top of each other, he averts his eyes. He instead swings them over to Niki in the passenger seat, there as promised. She’s all peppy and hyped up, Alex had told Karl she took a few pre-shots to give her the energy to go. Karl’s just happy that at least someone is excited for the party.

Alex pulls over and parks the car. He whips his around to look Karl in the eyes, even in the moonlight he can see the hesitation in Alex’s expression, it speaks volumes, ‘Am I pressuring you? Are you okay? Do you want to go?’

Karl offers a simple half smile and head nod to let him know he’s okay, and they proceed inside.

Inside Karl immediately fills a cup up with something, anything to help his nerves. Though he downs down the drink as quick as he can handle, he feels his feet tapping on the ground skittishly. He can’t shake them.

He spends the first hour with his friends, trying his absolute best to enjoy himself. And he starts to, he starts to when he’s dancing around with Niki and Alex, raising his cup higher and higher in the air. Screaming the words to a song he doesn’t quite know so well, so it comes out as mumbles, but he’s a bit tipsy so it doesn’t matter.

He breaks away to get out of the hot living room so he steps into the dining room, hoping to find something to eat. But instead he finds a lost boy with the most beautiful eyes. His dizzy mind focuses on the boy and the drunken fog lifts suddenly to reveal: the lost boy as Sapnap.

Sapnap. Staring at him with glee. Karl doesn’t like to give himself any credit ever, but he can tell the boy had been missing Karl just as much as Karl has been missing him. The look he gives the boy, the way his features soften when his eyes land on him, it says way more than words can. Karl curses himself for letting glances from others define more than spoken words can tonight. It’s all so complicated, why can’t it be simple? Words are simple. Words make sense, they are clarity, they are closure. But maybe tonight isn’t about closure. He has to analyze the way his peers stare at him to find emotions and hidden meaning. And he’s sick of it, he analyzes enough poetry and Shakespeare in English class, just for him to have to put it to the test in relationships? At least it’s an actual helpful skill, he’d never even think for a second it would be used ‘in the real world’. But why is it more useful in human interaction than career-wise?

So Karl just crumbles. In the same position he was in when he saw the boy a month prior, lips touching another's’. This time words don’t come to his lips, and just like that stupid nightmare, words physically cannot leave his mouth. No matter how much he wants to tell the boy off, to yell so loud the whole house can hear his cries, he cannot.

So he turns around, and flees. Out the side door. He was not ready to fight his inner demons that today.

Chapter Text

Maybe all it takes is time, time heals all wounds.

Or something like that.

Karl loves spring, the blossoming of the flowers. The blooming of tulips that fill his nose with joy and it smells fresh. The promise of growth, of change, of starting anew. And that is exactly what happens, one faithful April day.
The cherry blossoms greet Karl’s eyes when he awakes, he checks the date, eye still crusty and heavy from slumber. April 1st. Karl actually really loves April. April is no October, but it’s April. And that’s okay.

He thinks of Alex’s words. “Maybe it’s not closure, but time that you need,” It echoes in his head. He’s starting to believe it more and more as the days fly by him. Because maybe Karl is better, he’s no longer filled with anger or regret or insecurity.

Because miraculously, Karl takes the bus today. He takes the bus, and he smiles. He plugs his headphones in and listens to music, he lets his head rest against the dirty bus window. And he doesn’t care that it’s dirty, he really doesn’t. Because it’s April, and the colorful pink trees overflow his body with a sense of wonder and serotonin. Spring. Spring is about retying knots, rebuilding trust, forgiveness. If any apology lays before him, maybe, just maybe, he’ll take it.

-

“Karl!”

“Niki!”

“Looking good today, you seem in a good mood,” Niki notices, gesturing towards Karl’s eccentric persona he’s exuding.

“I am! Don’t know why though,” Karl is honest with his words. He really has no clue.

“Well all that matters is that you are happy. And when you are happy, I am. Because you deserve to be,” Niki’s sweet speech gives Karl a smiley expression.

“You’re too nice for your own good Niki. Means a lot,” Karl responds. Niki just radiates similar energy as him. Niki is definitely a mirror when it comes to emotions, she mirrors the other person’s energy she’s with, and Karl finds it interesting. He also finds himself analyzing people again, is it a good sign? Maybe. Because now it’s what’s good in people, and not what’s bad.

“Oh by the way. Sapnap’s party. How was it? I left early,”

The party weeks ago, but the question has been wracking his brain for god knows how long.

“Oh I mean, it kind of ended when you left to be honest,” she answers, recalling the memory. Karl furrows his brows. Niki shares a similar relatability to his confusion. “I know right? It was weird. I mean like he just shut down the party. I think it was ‘cause things were dying down. Guess you were the life of the party, in a literal sense,” Niki jokes.

Karl should laugh, but instead he just freezes.

He probably threw the party just for you!

Why does it all make sense now?

It all clicks into place. Karl feels as if he took a huge breath of fresh air, he feels new, reborn. And just like the buds blossoming into beautiful flowers outside, Karl feels himself change. He’s ready to forgive.

And thankfully Sapnap is ready to apologize, properly.

When he walks into the auditorium for improv practice, one of their last practices before their big performance, he spots the boy standing right in front of the doors. Alex, George, Dream and Puffy behind him, eyes sparkling with anticipation. Tommy, Tubbo and Ranboo are watching from afar, acting ‘nonchalant’ like they aren’t intrigued in whatever the hell is about to happen.

Sapnap is holding a bouquet, a bouquet full of flowers. But not just flowers. Bright purple hyacinths. The type of flower that he learned in botany class sophomore year, says “I am sorry,” better than any apology can.

He’s holding them in front of the boy, with the most loving expression. One that’s genuine in his actions. Suddenly Karl feels a wave of relief overcome him. Niki, who was previously behind Karl, joins Puffy and the rest while Karl starts to grasp that this whole thing is planned. And his feelings resurface, they clear up like a lens perfectly focusing after it was stuck in a blurry state. Karl had finally clicked the right button so that the lense showed a pretty picture in front of him.

“Karl,” Sapnap’s voice is shaky, along with his whole demeanor. It’s the first time he’s heard his name spoken with such meaning and emphasis in a long time, first time since the last time Sapnap said it.

“I fucked up. Majorly. And I know I did. And I’ve been killing myself over it. Because I realized something. I am nothing without you. I am merely some football player, with no other goals in life other than to succeed. To be the best. But when I met you, god I fell. And I fell really fucking fast,” He twirls his fingers a bit when he pauses. The room is dead silent.

“And let me tell you I mean it when I say, Gina, she’s nothing. She tried comforting me when I drunk-spilled my feelings out to her that night, and I thought somehow that she was you. Because of how you comfort me. Yeah it’s dumb to think of now, because you are way prettier than her-”

Karl lets out a laugh and Sapnap looks relieved that Karl is taking it well, so he joins in with the laughter. The room’s atmosphere softens a bit.

“But I was drunk. And fuck that, fuck my stupid brain for mistaking Gina as you. But don’t worry she’s gone now-”

“Gone?” Karl looks a bit frightened at that wording. He turns to see Alex making a ‘we took care of her’ gesture, finger sliding across his throat signaling death. Alex was always one for the dramatics. Sapnap chuckles lightly.

“I mean I talked to her, she’s kicked out of the club for good. I did it when I was coming up with this whole thing. With the apology flowers, purple hyacinths, they mean ‘I am sorry’-right?”

He turns to Puffy, who simply nods. So they are all in on this? Puffy did ace that botany class, Karl is impressed at the whole set up.

“Besides the point-they all helped me. With this whole thing. Mostly Alex-he’s a great friend ya know? We’re really lucky-”

“We? Look you might be apologizing to Karl right now but you still broke my best friend’s heart”

“Dude,” Sapnap cuts in, Alex gives a half smile.

“Just joking, haha,” he soothes. Sapnap turns his attention back on Karl, with gorgeous dandelion eyes seeking his.

“Anyways, what I’m trying to say is. I’m so incredibly sorry. And I’m in love with you. And I get if you never wanna speak to me, or see me ever again. I don’t expect you to forgive me, I just wanted you to know. I owe it to you to tell you the whole-hearted truth. And that’s it. Is that I’m sorry, and I love you. I love you Karl Jacobs,”

The words are a melody, they are honey to Karl’s ears. They are so much more than just words. They are clarity, they are love, they are closure. Closure, but in a different way. In a way that makes Karl not take any more of it, so he leaps his feet forward and swings his arms around Sapnap. Holding on so tight he can feel his lungs deflate and Sapnap ease into the hug, realizing that it’s happening. Realizing that it’s a forgiving hug.

The whole room cheers, erupts into celebration, like it’s a freaking holiday. And it might as well be, as Karl feels as cheery as he might as well be on Christmas morning. Like opening a huge present to find out it is want you wanted, it is what you asked for. It is, and more.

“I love you too,”

Karl hopes that that also translates to, “I forgive you,” in Sapnap’s mind.

-

Karl is back in Sapnap’s arms, and it feels so good.

Karl’s mind doesn’t stop racing, though this kind of loud is good. He missed it. He missed the overwhelming feeling of overthinking when he was around Sapnap. Because at least it was all coming from feelings of love instead of unanswered questions of despair.

“Can I tell you something? Like something I wanted to tell you a while ago?” Karl asks Sapnap, looking up at him from the embrace they are in. They have been cuddling for almost an hour straight on Karl’s couch, enjoying their very much missed company.

“Yes, oh god please,” Sapnap sounds like he’s never spoken to a person in years when replying. Karl giggles.

“I always wanted one of those stupid singing grams for Valentines. And It really sucked when Valentines came and I couldn’t spend it with you,” he admits, eyes shifty and wary of contact with the others.

Sapnap moves so Karl is forced to meet his gaze, and gives a loving one as a gift. “I’m so sorry I messed it up for us. But to be fair, I wanted to buy you one. I was actually looking forward to it for a while. Even had a song picked out,”

This confession was new to Karl, but made him feel all warm and tingly nonetheless.

“Really? What song?”

Sapnap holds up a finger, and scrolls on his phone a bit. Karl can see him open up spotify.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of it but, it reminds me of you. Of us,”

He lets Karl take a glance at the phone that displays a song. A song titled, “Close to You,” by Dayglow. Karl’s heart drops.

Suddenly it’s like the world had given Karl a huge hug. Because somehow, somewhere, the stars aligned just right. They both stumbled upon the same song, the same exact song, that reminded them of each other. Like it was written in the stars that the two were meant for each other, however ridiculous as it seems. Karl doesn’t know if Sapnap had hyper fixated on the song as much as he did, but he doesn’t care. Because Sapnap understood Karl in this moment, and forevermore.

Chapter Text

It’s opening night, and Karl is beyond excited.

An improv show is never something he thought he’d ever do in his life. He also never thought he’d fall for a handsome and cocky jock with the biggest heart in the world. But life is just unpredictable like that.

He doesn’t know why it takes Mr. Valez 7 months to find a date for this thing, but he isn’t complaining. After all, time is on his side.

“You ready?” his partner asks, poking him in the arm with his elbow. Eyes glowing with eagerness, and smirk filled with confidence. It’s like he harnessed the sun within his grip and he knows for a fact he won’t let go, so sure of himself, and the other.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Karl shoots back. Sapnap takes Karls hand and gives a gentle squeeze, before-

“Show time people!”

Before they step onto stage with all their might. Tommy gives Tubbo a noogie and Ranboo pats the blond on the back. Niki and Puffy have their arms linked staring at each other with such elation it fills the room with warmth. Dream gives George a piggy-back ride before letting him down, lungs filled with laughter then quickly turns to a wheeze, George slightly peeved at his dizziness thanks to the speed at which Dream was going at. The audience is very much entertained by them, Karl spots Alex in front row, waving subtly to him with a smile. He’s with Sally who also smiles rightly at him, he gives an acknowledging glance at the two.

The show starts, and it’s fucking hysterical, according to the audience’s reaction.

Because of Gina getting booted (thanks to everyone filing complaints to Mr. Valez) Tommy joins a group of 3 with Niki and Tubbo, and it’s even better than before. Their dynamic makes the crowd erupt into fits of giggles and chuckles. Karl and Sapnap were as entertaining as they were during practice, Sapnap always found a way to mention that they were married, or at least in a romantic relationship. It makes Karl blush several times, which he hides with exaggerated lines that no one expects, but results in positive reactions anyways.

When the show is over, Mr. Valez looks proud of the children and their success. The audience claps at them and they take their mini-bows. And Karl loves the feeling, he also loves the feeling of taking Sapnap’s hand to tip his head low with a curtsey.

“Wow, you guys were stellar. No kidding, see you didn’t me there,” Alex compliments, handing a bunch of roses to Karl and Sapnap who are wrapped up in each other once more.

“Thanks Alex, but it was fun with you there,” Karl says, receiving the bouquet and inhaling the scent deeply. He lifts it up to Sapnap’s nose and watches as he takes a whiff and smiles contentedly.

“Yeah well I know that, I make everything funner, right Sals?” He bumps hips with Sally.

Sally rolls her eyes. “Funner isn’t a word Alex,”

“I know I’m just goofing,” Alex defends.

“Yeah yeah well we’ll leave you guys to it, thanks for coming big Q,” Sapnap tells the two, who wave at them as they walk away.

Sapnap turns to Karl and plants a kiss on his lips, it tastes like fresh rain on concrete on a spring morning. And the feeling of it, a hot cup of tea while listening to the pitter-patter of the raindrops out your bedroom window, sound easing your mind to slumber. Calming, warm, safe.

They part and Karl is lost in Sapnap’s gaze, slightly raised eyebrows and that same beautiful smile.

“So, celebration ice cream?” Sapnap suggests, breaking Karl from the trance.

“Celebration ice cream,” he echoes in agreement.

Sapnap throws his arm around Karl’s shoulder as they walk towards the rest of the group to discuss carpool guidelines. They break off and Karl and Sapnap take Sapnap’s car together, giggling as they step inside Sapnap’s truck.

“Hey Karl,” Sapnap starts the ignition of the car, and Karl hums in response, looking fondly at the boy. “We’re all right, right? I know I broke your heart pretty bad. But trust me, I was shattered. Completely torn apart, I couldn’t bear not being near you. It’s like they put crack in your touch, in your eyes, in your skin,”

Karl smiles. “Well I don’t have crack anywhere. I’m all clean baby,” he jokes. Sapnap breaks into a grin.

“I’m glad,” Sapnap says.

“And yeah,”

“Hm?”

“Yeah Sap,” Karl repeats. “We’re all right,”

-

Summer is so much more than Karl had expected. Summer is filled with fun, joy, bright sunny days and comfy cozy rainy ones. They are spent with his friends, his family, and Sapnap.

Beach days, cliff diving, carnivals, road trips. These are the memories Karl makes, and he makes them with the people he loves the most.

One July day, where it might as well be 1000 degrees out, Karl is dragged to a dance studio. When questioning Sapnap, the boy just shakes his head.

“Trust me, you’ll see,”

Karl trusts him, and he sees.

“Salsa dancing?” Karl blurts out, stepping into a room of professional dancers ready to teach rookies how to do the salsa, and how to do it well. Sapnap’s face explodes into a shit-eating grin.

“You always said you wanted to,”

“That was a joke Sapnap! I can’t dance for the life of me!” Karl shouts, but Sapnap knows how to make him less tense. He grabs his waist and pulls the boy closer to his chest.

“Well that’s what the class is for dummy,” he strokes his hair carefully. “So we can learn, together,”

The sentiment fills Karl’s heart with delight, he does like doing things with the boy. And maybe salsa-dancing is a life skill he’ll need in the future? Who knows, who cares. As long as he’s by his side, Karl will do anything. Karl will hop off a plane and land in the middle of the ocean and be okay as long as Sapnap is there, holding his hand tenderly, even if they are screaming helplessly into the air.

Because everything is alright.

Chapter Text

It’s fall again before Karl knows it. Summer feels like a blink, time flies when you are having the time of your life. Thankfully, Karl loves fall.

It’s senior year and Karl and Sapnap have decided to sign up for improv class, along with the rest of their friends, a fresh new year. Mr. Valez is indeed, re-married, however crazy it seems. Alex and Dream love to tease the guy about it loads during lunch, but Karl doesn’t think it’s all so weird. As he turns to his boyfriend of almost-one-year he starts to understand it. Understand how someone can fall so quickly. When you are so pulled to someone it feels inevitable, it always circles back to them. Your mind always traces every little thing back to them, somehow relating it to them, even in the slightest way. If Mr. Valez found his very own personal Sapnap, Karl is nothing but happy for the guy.

Senior year is the same as junior, but easier. The classes are easier, Karl has already got into the college he wants to go to, University of North Carolina. Sapnap wasn’t picky with schools and had no preference, so he applied there as well. He hadn't heard a response from them until long after Karl did, but Karl reassured him as he was certain Sapnap would get in.

-

“KARL!”

“SAPNAP!”

Sapnap bursts through Karl’s living room door with an envelope in his hand. When did I leave the door unlocked? That didn’t matter though. Because there was an envelope in Sapnap’s hand, Karl soon came to the revelation of why his boyfriend broke into his house at 2 pm on a Sunday. His mouth was open, agape, and clasped it with his hands.

“Is that your-”

“Yeah yeah yeah!” Sapnap screams, jumping up and down, kicking his legs up in excitement. Karl shares similar energy as he squeals at the boy. This is it, this is his future. This is our future. Karl silently prays to anything or anyone that might be out there to help him out.

“Open it! God!” Karl shouts, the suspense was killing him. Sapnap tears the envelope open, but takes the letter out carefully. Karl watches as his eyes frantically scan the words written on the paper, searching for the words that would determine his future. The ones that make or break their relationship dynamic, their plans. Of course, they had considered rejection as an option. And they talked through it, they could do long distance, no doubt. But Karl longs for Sapnap’s touch, for the feeling he gets when he is close to him. So Karl’s anxiety skyrockets in this very instant.

His eyes land, and Karl swears his heart skips a beat. He searches for a hint in them: sad or happy? Excited or disappointed? Elated or depressed? Something, god, please.

Karl doesn’t have time to analyze the way his eyes glimmer, as he is being crushed in his arms, held so tightly he thinks he could feel his bones shatter.

“I got in!”

Karl breaks into celebration, he jumps around with the boy in his embrace, enthusiasm bursting at the seams. The room is filled with happy screams and giggles.

“OH MY GOD! I'M SO PROUD OF YOU!!” Karl practically screeches in between the fits of laughter and squeaky happy noises.

“This means we get to spend our college experience together! Oh my god! Okay so we can apply to share a dorm, we’ll eat ramen every other night, we’ll schedule skype calls with Dream and George. Invite Quackity over to our crib, Puffy and Niki can visit as well, when they are free enough to drive 2 hours-”

Sapnap rambles on and on about plans for the future. Their future. Karl just admires Sapnap and exhilaration. Karl just sits back and adores the way Sapnap’s face curves and the way his dimples flash him every time Sapnap smiles at a great idea he has. This is the boy, this is the boy he’s spending the next 4 years with.

And Karl couldn’t wait.

-

Fall was a dream, but winter is back.

It’s Valentine's Day, and a year ago Karl was depressed. He was at the worst point in his life, and fast forward to now: Karl swears his life is at its peak. It couldn’t get better. He’s holding hands with his boyfriend in the hallway, Sapnap gives him chocolate and flowers during history class. In front of the whole class, but Karl couldn’t care less about what his peers thought, and neither did Sapnap. Everyone had always admired their courage. They even sneak a kiss before class starts, which still makes Karl incredibly flustered throughout the whole period.

And they are at lunch, in the courtyard. Because even though it’s February, it’s gorgeous outside. Almost-spring like, 60 degrees and sunny, with warm breezes tickling their noses.

And as Karl bites into a cereal bar, surrounded by his best friends, he hears singing. A singing gram. But this time, the voices don’t trail past him, they don’t move to another table, they don’t move over to Dream or Quackity or Puffy. They walk towards him. The choir kids stare Karl right in his stormy grey eyes with determination, a worrying-amount more than they usually have with other students. They stop in their tracks and music from one of their phones starts to resume.

Karl turns to his boyfriend, who has his arms wrapped around his waist with a sweet, toothy grin plastered on his handsome face. Because Karl’s ears prick up suddenly, like a dog, when he hears the chorus of, “Close to You,” fill his ears.

Offkey, a little bit of voice cracks, a managed harmony. So imperfectly perfect.

Karl is brought back the first day he meets Sapnap, he’s transformed so much since then. He’s transported back to the comfort of the void of his bedroom, when he first hears the song. The tingly feeling inside, his stomach swirling like a waterslide. Their first kiss, the tension between the two, their pull. Magnetic.

Only overthinking when I’m close to you

Karl’s eyes shimmer in the unexpected February sun. He’d never thought he could ever be this cheery over being sung to by a bunch of kids who are just doing this to raise awareness for their winter concert. But that’s the thing about life, it’s unpredictable.

Because 2 years ago, Karl would have never predicted that he is cuddled up with the most amazing and beautiful boy he’s ever laid his eyes on. He looks over to said boy, and he just glows in the sunlight. And suddenly Karl feels the lyrics of the song come to life, reenacting his emotions. The words are dancing in the air.

And it’s true, Karl only over thinks when he’s close to him.

Chapter Text

Here's a playlist filled with songs that remind me of this fic, I listened to while writing this fic, remind me of karlnap in general, are cute love songs all in all and/or are a combination. :)

It's on Spotify but you can convert it to any other music streaming app with Soundiiz! ( https://soundiiz.com ) :DD

Here's da link :3 -->> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0wb4Si7mnWNcDPMbvmCLSs?si=f9d9224c52a44432

follow me on Spotify if you wanna! Okie byyeeee

( also yes I did 25 songs for 25 chapters on purpose ;] )