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“So you are the devil who nearly killed my brother…”
He knew this was a terrible idea. He’d like to think that his life on the streets of New York had prepared him for anything. That the roles he’d had to play to survive would make keeping his expression neutral and his breath calm easy. That the sure knowledge that Eiji chose him, without doubt, without reservation, would give him confidence. He’d like to think those things. But he couldn’t. Because this tiny, angry, blue-haired teenager standing in front of him with her hands on her hips and steam practically boiling out her ears was one of the most deeply, viscerally frightening things he’d ever experienced.
Because she was right.
She loved Eiji. And he had nearly gotten him killed. More than once.
She had every right to question him, to hate him.
He couldn’t defend against her because he agreed with her. He shouldn’t be here. He was a devil, a monster created by monsters. He didn’t have a right to hold Eiji to him. He would always pose a risk.
There would always be another Golzine, another Foxx, or Lee, or Arthur, or Lao, or Spider, or Coach or Blanca… His life was filled with terrible men or innocent boys pushed to terrible acts. He would never be free of it. And the target it painted on Eiji’s back was visible from space.
“If you want to hurt Ash Lynx, harm this man. Break him. Bloody him. Destroy his soft smile. Kill the sparkle in his eye or the optimism in his heart…” It flashed neon and terrifying and Ash wanted to turn it off.
He had tried. Tried to send him away. Tried to die. Tried to take out every threat.
And he had failed.
And no matter how selfish it made him, he was glad. Eiji, brave, beautiful Eiji, was by his side.
Eiji said that he made him very happy. And who was he to deny Eiji any kind of happiness?
And sure, maybe that was an excuse to stay in his light a little longer, hold him a little more, a little tighter. But somehow, Eiji made it real. He made it true.
For Eiji he would burn down the world. For Eiji--he couldn’t even think about where he kept his matches. Because according to Eiji, he didn’t need to create a wall of guns and fear and fire to protect him. According to Eiji the knife at his belt, even now in the safety of Izumo, and the gun under his pillow back home were there to make him feel safe, not to protect Eiji. According to Eiji, that part of his life was over.
His gang could simply be his friends. He didn’t need to rule them. It wasn’t his job to...Eiji didn’t want him to kill. He didn’t want him to suffer. And what Eiji wanted mattered, even if it flew in the face of everything he had learned to be true so many times it felt imprinted on his skin. You could see the lessons among the scars like constellations of all the ways he’d failed over the years. Eiji wanted him to believe that he was good, that he was worthy, that he was more than what he had been created to be. He was working hard to believe him.
Eiji used the word tortured. He said that created was too kind. He said that it implied that Ash had been made to be a whore and a murderer and a gang boss, that pain and violence was somehow his purpose. He said that your past didn’t have to define your future and that abuse didn’t define who you were. Deep down, he knew Eiji was wrong, but he’d long since given up on finding the strength to try to convince him.
He didn’t want to convince him. He wanted to feel his warmth and love and acceptance burning in his chest. He wanted to know that when he woke from nightmares, Eiji would be there to push the memories away. That when someone’s lips touched his skin, they would belong to Eiji, would be filled with love and gentle passion. That when his mind wanted to calculate his value in body counts and dollar signs, Eiji would replace those with smiles and the names of the people he had saved.
On the days when the darkness licked at the edge of his vision and his hands felt sticky with blood, Eiji gently led him to the sink. He carefully ran his fingers under warm water, lathered them with jasmine scented soap, lifted them to his face, kissing his fingers one by one. “Your hands are clean now.” He would say. As if it was that easy.
And because it was Eiji it was.
“Michiko! That is very rude!” Eiji sounded scandalized. “I cannot believe that is how you would greet a special guest visiting all the way from New York.”
Ash flinched slightly at the tone of his voice. He had tried to explain that coming with him was a mistake, that his family wouldn't want him here. They would hate him, should hate him. His presence would stop Eiji from being fully drawn back into his family. They couldn’t heal the way he wanted them to with a green-eyed devil in their midst. Eiji had disagreed. And in a battle of wills, he found he lost more often than he won with his beloved. His might be a name whispered in fear among the street gangs of New York, but he didn’t intimidate Eiji at all. Eiji just puffed up his cheeks and smiled sweetly and gently, oh-so-gently browbeat him into submission.
Michiko glared.
He shouldn’t be here. “It’s fine, Eiji. I can go back into town and book a room. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He started to lean down, to kiss his head or temple, or maybe to tip up his chin for something a little sweeter. But he stopped himself before the movement really began. No sense in creating more trouble. He squeezed Eiji’s shoulder gently instead. To show that he was fine. His feelings weren’t hurt.
He shifted his attention to Eiji’s sister. She was cute, cheeks puffed up just like her brother’s did. He smiled his best, most charmingly beautiful smile. He bowed precisely. He’d studied more than one video, not trusting Eiji to tell him how low he actually needed to bend to acknowledge his social position. In accented but clear Japanese he said “It is a pleasure to meet you Michiko-san. Eiji has spoken about you, but he did not say you were beautiful. I will go now to let you catch up.”
He turned to go, keeping his expression pleasant. Eiji would be upset with him. But this was for the best. Besides, he’d never admit it, but he liked the way Eiji groussed at him when he was annoyed. It was cute. And it made him feel loved that he cared enough to get frustrated.
He could imagine his punishment. He’d feed him something gross and fishy or half-rotten and smile in delight as he explained how salty fish and rotten beans were healthy foods. Or he’d hide all of his reasonable, solid colored shirts and grin deviously as he offered to lend him the most obnoxiously colored, cartoon infested, childishly designed t-shirt in his closet and compliment him all day when he wore it. If he was really irritated, there would be tiny pumpkins hidden around their home. (On one memorable occasion, Eiji had drawn jack-o-lantern faces on an entire box of mandarin oranges. He'd decided to annoy Ash in June and there were no pumpkins to be found. Since then, he’d kept a supply of plastic halloween decorations in a box labeled ‘ammunition’ in the back of the closet.)
It made him want to smile. Even Eiji’s punishments radiated affection and gentleness.
He wasn’t expecting Eiji’s grip on his arm. Nor the look of real hurt on his face when he turned around.
“You promised,” Eiji whispered in English. “You promised you would never leave me again.”
Shit. He had meant to smooth things with his semi-estranged family, give them time to catch up without the reminder that Eiji had chosen gangs and guns and violence over them. He had chosen Ash, the broken boy who’d almost gotten him killed. And raped. And dosed with a mind-destroying drug. Who had gotten sweet, sensitive Eiji shot. And kidnapped. Twice.
“I’m not leaving, Eiji. I’m just...giving you space.” He tried to smile. “You grumble about Michiko, but I know you adore her. I know you miss her. Go be with your family, Eiji. I’ll be here when you get back.”
“You are my family, Ash. You. And they will simply have to deal with it.” Eiji’s eyes snapped, protective. “I do not want you to feel you have to leave my side. I chose. Not you. Me. And they do not have the right to blame you. Because if I had it to do again, I would make the same choices. I would stay by your side. I would hold you, comfort you, believe in you. I would take the bullet to save your life. I would wait for you to come back to me.”
Gentle fingers caressed his cheek, turning his face to meet Eiji’s beautiful, shining eyes. There was always so much love there. He hated that they also held hurt, fear. “This is not for my own good. And Michiko is wrong. Please Ash, don’t run away.”
Tears burned behind his eyes. What could he say to that? He would never understand Eiji’s love for him. But his desire to be worthy of it made him a better man. He knew that much.
“All right.” He did kiss him then, quick and reassuring and apologetic. He let himself rest his forehead against Eiji’s just for a second, just long enough to create a quiet space where he could whisper his reply. “I’m sorry. You faced down two major crime syndicates for me. I can go let your family yell at me for a while.”
Eiji jerked his head up. “I did not say I would let them yell at you.”
“Eiji. They were worried. They had good reason to be worried. Let them yell. I’ve had worse.” He smiled, carefree and beautiful. It almost reached his eyes.
***
He wasn’t sure Ash was right. Obviously he was objectively correct. He’d seen the scars, mapped each mark of torture and bloodshed and horror with gentle fingertips or gentler kisses in the early dawn light. The worst his family would do was shout. But he feared Ash was wrong too. Because he would believe their anger, their fear. He would let their insecurity mark his soul, his sense of who he was.
He had seen the spiraling thoughts from the single angry comment Michiko had spat at him. Poor Ash, always ready to believe that he was evil. That he was dangerous.
Ok. He was dangerous. But not to Eiji. Never to Eiji. Ash would hold him safe and protected until he breathed his final breath. There was no place safer than his arms. Ash could, if called upon, be angry, violent, calculating and cruel. But he was also warm and gentle and he cradled Eiji’s soul with such care it was impossible not to feel honored.
He knew Ash still struggled. He had fewer nightmares but they still haunted him. He had times where he washed his hands until the skin was raw and bleeding and still couldn’t bear to touch Eiji with them. He still reached for a weapon when someone startled him.
But he knew too, how hard he was fighting to let go. He didn’t flinch away from kisses or hugs, even initiated them now. He visited with Alex, with Sing and Cain, but he had stepped away. He couldn’t quite let go, but he was successfully holding himself to an almost exclusively advisory role. He wasn’t Boss anymore. Only Ash. And Ash was so much more than enough.
At Eiji’s urging, he had gone to school. Eiji was pretty sure his documents were forged, but he decided it didn’t matter. Ash was most of the way done with three different college degrees. Pharmacology. Political Science. And English Literature. His mind was like a sponge, and now that it wasn’t filled with survival against impossible odds, he was able to shine as the brilliant mind he was meant to be. He was so incredibly proud of his Ash.
Ash had even begun visiting Nadia at Chang Dai. And although the first dinner had ended in a week of black depression built from guilt and horror, now they laughed together, kept Shorter alive between them. And it was beautiful. When Nadia had announced that she and Charlie were expecting at their last Sunday dinner, Ash had begun teaching himself to crochet. Evidently both Shorter and Nadia had blankets made by their mother while she was pregnant. He had decided that he would play the role of grandma and it was the cutest damned thing Eiji had ever seen.
And that Ash, the one that gushed about books and cursed at knotted yarn, was going to meet his family. And they would see who he really was. Not a demon who broke their baby boy, but an angel who set him free to fly. They would meet his Ash, the goofy, arrogant, brilliant, beautiful, nerdy, ridiculous man he was madly in love with.
And they would love him too, or there would be hell to pay.
“Michiko,” he snapped, turning back to his now wide-eyed baby sister. He continued to grip Ash’s arm. The idiot was a damned flight risk. “I expect you to apologize to my friend.”
“He kissed you.”
“That he did.”
“On the mouth.”
“I am aware.”
“But he’s…”
“Michiko.” His tone was warning.
“Are you gay?”
He wasn’t really sure how to answer that question. The short answer was it didn’t matter. The longer answer was that he didn’t really know. Ash had been his first, well everything, really. He couldn’t imagine waking up next to anyone else, male or female. He couldn’t imagine early morning kisses or curling up together to talk or read or watch a movie with anyone else. And he certainly couldn’t imagine the rest, the gentle slide of skin against skin, the whispered words, the quickened breath… No. It didn’t matter. “I am his.”
He pulled Ash closer, wrapping an arm around his waist. “Is that a problem?”
“N-no. I just...you never told me. All those years Kaori flirted with you. Now I know why you never noticed.”
“I noticed. But Kaori was too young and too silly for me. Four years is a long time when you’re young. And I could never date my baby sister’s best friend. The potential for blackmail is much too great.” He smiled. A peace offering. Maybe this would be ok. Maybe they could just have a pleasant visit. Maybe--
“So, you kill people and sell drugs, and you used to be whore.” Her glare was back on Ash.
“Michiko! How could you say--how do you even know? Stop--”
But Ash, eyes glinting, just answered. “Yes.” He was calm and cool and slipping back into the persona he wore back in the beginning--a marble statue, beautiful and hard and utterly inhuman. “I did all of those things. I killed a man who raped me when I was eight years old. He was the first, but not the last.”
Michiko flinched, blushing furiously. “I-I’m s-sorry. I didn’t mean to im-imply…”
“Yes you did.” Ash’s voice was steel. No fear. Cold. Hard. Almost cruel. “You wanted to see the monster behind the pretty mask. You wanted to poke at me to see what you could uncover. So yes. I ran a gang. I sold drugs and guns. I was a child prostitute. I have killed enough times that I cannot give you an exact number. I don’t regret most of them.”
“Ash, wait.”
“No, Eiji. I won’t lie about who or what I am.” He turned back to Michiko. “You think I am a danger to your brother, and you’re right. You think I’m not good enough for him, and you’re right. You think I should have sent him home before he got shot. And you’re right. And you think I should let him go now.”
He tensed. Terror flooded through him leaving him light headed with tingling fingers and benumbed lips. He suddenly wished he’d just let Ash go and book a room, hadn’t forced him into this confrontation. Would Ash leave now? Would he finally allow himself to be convinced once and for all that his past was too dark to be forgiven, his soul too soiled to be seen in the light? “Ash please.”
Ash took his hand but he didn’t look at him. His eyes were still glued to Michiko, who now stood trembling before the full force of Ash Lynx, the demon of New York. “The only person who will convince me to let Eiji go is Eiji. I gave him my word, my solemn promise, to stay by his side. I promised to do my best to heal my past, to become a man worthy of his love. And I will. Because loving him is my purpose and my salvation.” He smiled. There were too many teeth, but Eiji still felt himself melting with relief.
Ash was angry. That was ok. He could deal with angry. He’d been accosted and insulted, after all. Anything was better than the carefully disguised pain he had feared. Anything was better than hands scoured raw and silent sobs and broken-glass eyes.
Michiko was staring at her shoes, her cheeks flushed and her lips trembling. Two tears tracked down her cheeks to drip onto her fluffy, oversized sweater. “But you didn’t,” she whispered. Her eyes flicked up to Ash, filled with anguish and accusation.
Ash didn’t flinch. In full gang-boss mode, Ash never flinched. But the fingers entwined with his own began to tremble, just a little. It wouldn’t be noticeable to Michiko. It wouldn’t be noticeable to most people. Hell, if they were his own fingers, he’d chalk it up to stress and move on. But Ash’s hands were as steady as a surgeon’s. His accuracy with a weapon was renowned in all of New York City’s underground. He didn’t waver. He didn’t shake. He just didn’t. He cut his eyes to Ash’s face. His icy expression hadn’t changed, but his eyes didn’t snap with anger. He opened his mouth and Eiji decided he really, really didn’t want to hear what he was about to say.
“He didn’t, what, Michiko?” He cut into the conversation. He kept his eyes trained on his baby sister, daring her to say anything ugly or vulgar. He didn’t really want Ash to hear what she would say next. He didn’t want any words to shake his certainty that he belonged at his side, forever. But he also didn’t want Ash to grab her metaphorical hand and skip down the path of self-loathing.
“He didn’t stay by your side. He didn’t protect you. He wasn’t here when you needed him. When you couldn’t walk. When you couldn’t eat. How can he be worthy of your love if he--he just left you?” Tears ran more freely down her cheeks now. “He took you away, and he almost broke you. And then, when maybe you were finally getting better, when you getting a little bit famous, when you were someone special and important or whatever, then--”
“Michiko! That’s enough!” He would not panic. He wouldn’t. Even though he could feel the tremor in Ash’s arm, the way his grip on his hand went lax.
“NO IT ISN’T!” Michiko suddenly shrieked, turning back to Ash. “He won’t say a word to you, you bastard. He’s still so afraid that you’ll leave, that he’ll hurt you like you’re some fragile piece of porcelain. They way he talks about you--how precious. How gentle. How...but you’re not. I know you’re not. And he won’t see it. All he can see is that he lost you. And now you’re here and he’s terrified. But he won’t say a goddamned thing. He won’t yell at you for leaving him alone, for getting him shot, ruining his future. He won’t demand to know why you disappeared and let him grieve for you, let him sob into his pillow and hoard his pain pills so--” She let out a gasping sob. “He won’t even let himself get angry about it. He gave up everything for you. EVERYTHING! And I’m supposed to be grateful? For what? That you don’t shoot people anymore? That you’re sorry for being a whore and a liar and--”
“--Michiko, Shut Up!” Eiji shouted. He balled his hands into fists to avoid slapping her. “You don’t know everything. Ok? He left to protect me. He went through hell to keep me safe--more than once. You’re a child. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.” He needed to take Ash away, take him in his arms, hold him together. He needed to stop this. He needed… He couldn’t breathe. Ash would believe her. She would send him away, and he would go. He could feel him shifting beside him even now. He was shaking.
And then arms were wrapped around him. Strong and sure and gentle. Long, lithe fingers threaded through his hair. Warm lips grazed his head, rested against his forehead. “Shh. Shh. Hush, Eiji. It’s ok.” Ash’s voice whispered. “She isn’t saying anything I didn’t already know. It’s ok, Love. It’s ok.”
***
Eiji shook in his arms, hands clutching the front of his denim jacket. He could feel each panicked breath as he did his best to soothe him. “I’m right here, Love,” he whispered. “I’ve got you.” They were the words Eiji said to him after a nightmare, the words he had uttered when flashbacks left him clammy and retching or trying to scrub the hands of evil men from his skin. They were the words he had longed for in his time away, buying freedom and safety for his loved ones one last time.
There was a time he believed he’d never hear them again. It was a gift to be able to offer them back now.
He completely ignored Michiko as she watched her beloved brother break apart in his arms. He could deal with her later, or Eiji could. Now he had to focus on what was important. He tipped Eiji’s tear soaked face up, smiled down at him. “Hey, hey. I know I don’t deserve you, but I’m not stupid enough to let you go either. Ok?” He kissed his lips gently. “She’s wrong. About why I left. About who I am. About what I want. Ok? She’s wrong.” He kissed Eiji again. “You can yell or throw things. Hell, you can shoot me if you really want to. I’ve had worse.”
He laughed as Eiji’s brow drew down. “I will not shoot you.”
“I know. But you do have a mean left hook.”
Eiji looked offended. “You deserved that.” He was calming down. Good.
“I did.” He smiled again. “I’ve never regretted coming home to you. Not for my own sake. Not once. Ok? I know--I know that sometimes--Sometimes I can be hard to love. But I know that you do.”
Eiji opened his mouth to argue. He always did. He’d let him, if what he had to say wasn’t so important. “I gave you my word. I will never leave you again. Not of my own will, not at gunpoint, not even to protect you. The farthest I’ll run is the inn in town. Ok?”
“Good.” He paused, his lips quirking ever so slightly. “You know, I would never shoot you.” Eiji grinned up at him and he felt himself relax just a little. He didn’t let go though. Not yet. “But Sing might.”
He gaped at the man in his arms, mouth falling open and eyes wide. Then he laughed. “He might. He might, at that.”
Michiko stomped her foot. She once again reminded him a little bit of Eiji. It was adorable, honestly. When she wasn’t spouting his darkest, most shameful fears and regrets at him in fury. “Why are you laughing about shooting people?” She demanded. It made him chuckle again, which only made her angrier.
“Because Sing idolizes Ash,” Eiji replied.
“And he wouldn’t hesitate to shoot me if he thought I planned to hurt your brother.” He hugged Eiji a litte tighter, kissed the top of his head once more and let him go. “He’s a protective little shit.”
“He’s taller than you now.” Eiji poked him in the chest.
“Lies. All lies!” His laughter was an act, at least in part. And Eiji probably knew it. But in this moment, his feelings didn’t matter. This was ok. Eiji was ok. He could still hear Michiko’s words echoing around in his head. They’d haunt him if he let them. But right now Eiji was smiling again, and that was what mattered.
Eiji had been afraid, Ash realized. He’d seen the panic building. Guilt tried to rear its head. He’d let his past, his issues hurt Eiji again. And he hadn’t even realized. He’d been so busy waiting for Eiji to come to his senses that he hadn’t even noticed how much his pain, his guilt made Eiji afraid.
Eiji and Michiko were talking, a little more calmly now, though they both still seemed upset. Eiji reached back and clutched at his hand. He let him, pulled it closer, kissed his knuckles the way Eiji had done to him a thousand times. ‘I’m here,’ he tried to say. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
Finally Michiko turned to him, giving a grudging bow. “I’m sorry. I was rude.” Eiji cleared his throat pointedly. She flashed a glare at her older brother before continuing. “I don’t know the whole story,” she took a deep breath and rushed to the end in a clearly reluctant mumble “and I had no right to judge you.”
“And yet you did.” Both Okumura siblings stiffened. “And fairly accurately too.” He almost laughed as they turned almost identical looks of confusion toward him. “I was a gang leader, a murderer and a prostitute. Those things aren’t insults. They’re facts. . I killed people. I endangered your brother, exposed him to the worst kind of filth humanity had to offer. He should have run screaming as far and as fast as he could. But he didn’t. Instead, he decided to stay. To want me, to love me, to believe in me. To save my soul. I left him three times. Once to save his life. Once because I was stupid and believed that I knew what was best for him. And once because I was given no choice. And he knows why I left. He knows and he forgives me. But I want to make something very very clear. To both of you. I will never leave his side again. In fact...”
Now? This isn’t how he planned it. Maybe Eiji deserved something different, better. But he’d been carrying the damned thing around for over a month now. He’d already chickened out three times. And this felt like them--defending one another, facing everything the world flung at them together. Even if this time it came in the form of angry little sisters instead of bullets and nightmare drugs and terrifying assassins. So yes. Now.
He thrust his hand into his coat pocket, traced his fingers over the velvet of the box hidden there. He smiled. “In fact, Eiji, I asked you once, a very long time ago, to stay by my side, not forever, just for a little while. And you did. And--” A tear escaped to trail down his cheek. Eiji watched it for a moment before reaching to brush it away.
“Ash?”
He smiled. “--And I’ve never been more grateful. You are what kept me going in the darkest places. You who never asked me for more than I could give. You who loved me best when I deserved it least. You who never stopped believing, never gave up. Your love was the best feeling in the world six years ago, and it’s the best feeling in the world now.” He took the box from his pocket. His hands were shaking. Huh.
Tears spilled down Eiji’s cheeks, but he was smiling. He was radiant.
“Eiji Okumura. I love you. I will always love you. And I want to ask, will you stay by my side forever?” He flipped the box open and dropped gracefully to one knee “As my husband?”
***
Ash was on his knees, in a tiny park, in Izumo Japan, in front of his wonderful, infuriating, impossible sister, holding a blue velvet box with a simple gold ring nestled inside. A green stone, Jade, he thought, winked in the sunlight, inset into the band.
“Will I--” he couldn’t even finish the sentence, couldn’t force the words past the lump in throat. The ring had already been in his pocket. Probably for a while judging from it’s condition The velvet was crushed a bit on one side. Ash waited, patiently on his knees as he stared at him in reverence, in shock. His lover’s eyes glowed, his face looked hopeful, sure.
He couldn’t speak. There were no words.
Slowly the excitement on Ash’s face dimmed. He started to close the box, moved to stand. What?
“YES!” he shouted, loudly enough to startle a bird from the tree above them. “Yes. Yes. Of course! Oh Ash, love! I can’t believe--” he lunged forward, wrapping his arms around this absurd man's waist, spinning him around in a circle. “Are you sure?” He had to ask. He couldn’t help himself.
“Of course, Eiji. It’s always been you. It will always be you.”
Eiji laughed, snatching the box from Ash’s hand. He pulled out the ring, dropping the box as he slipped it onto his finger. “It’s you! It’s all gold and green and...it’s beautiful.” To hell with propriety and scandalized little sisters. He wrapped himself around his fiance (fiance!) and kissed him like a drowning man breaking the surface of the water. Relief and joy and excitement and love--he felt full to bursting.
He pulled back, lunged forward again, peppering Ash’s face with kisses as he laughed. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Eiji pulled away, just a little. “Did you really think I would say no?”
“Well, not really, but then you didn’t say anything, and… I can do it again later, if you want. Better. I can, I don’t know, take you for a fancy dinner. I thought about doing it over hot dogs in Bryant Park.” Eiji couldn’t help the snort of laughter that escaped. “But then I just realized, I couldn’t bear for you to worry or wonder for even one more second. I am yours Eiji. And I want you to be mine. And I will ask you a hundred more times if you want me too.”
Oh. OH. Wow.
And then Michiko was there laughing and crying and wrapping her arms around both of them. He felt Ash stiffen, his right hand jerking in unconscious muscle memory toward the knife at his belt. And then he felt Ash still before carefully wrapping his arms around her too. He pulled her into a hug.
“Thank you,” Ash looked at her, eyes wide and happy. “Thank you for loving him so much.”
Michiko blushed. He didn’t blame her. Ash at full intensity like that was a lot. But she jerked her chin down in a shaky nod. “You better take good care of him.”
“I will.”
“I still don’t like you.” She tried to glare, but faltered under Ash’s sharp stare.
“I know. I still don’t blame you.”
Eiji put a hand on each of their chests, pushing them apart. “All right, you two. That’s enough.”
Ash laughed while Michiko spluttered.
He turned to his own personal angel, “Stop baiting her. Be nice.” He ignored his smirk and his reply of “I’m always nice.”
“Uh, huh. Stop using your scary face on my baby sister. You’ll give her nightmares.”
“But isn’t she going to be my sister now too? So now it’s my job to give her shit. Shorter taught me.” Michiko let out a squeak of alarm. Ash grinned with such childlike delight that Eiji couldn’t maintain his stern expression. Instead he turned to Michiko.
“And you. Thank you for trying to protect me. But I already have one overprotective asshole, I don’t need two.”
Michiko blinked, not used to Eiji using profanity in front of her. Not really used to this happy, confident version of her brother. She had thought he was lost, but he was right here, beaming at the man she had blamed for everything.
Ash laughed delightedly. “Did you just call me an asshole?”
“Yes. Would you prefer dumbass? Control freak?”
“I dunno. Green Eyed Demon has a ring to it.”
“I hate you.”
“Then you probably shouldn’t marry me.” Ash’s pout was absolutely pathetic. He wished he had a pillow to throw at him.
Marry him. He was going to marry him. He felt like his cheeks might split from how wide he was smiling. He was going to marry his Ash.
“Um, Ei-chan?” Michiko sounded guilty, like she had when she was little and had spilled her tea or forgotten her math homework. “I, um, I’m sorry I shouted at your friend...uh...boyfriend? I guess.” Her eyes cut to Ash who was staring at him, looking happy but more than a little shell-shocked. “I… I didn’t see how he made you happy. So, congratulations I guess.”
“Thanks Mi-chan,” Eiji dropped Ash’s hand to wrap her in a hug. “I’m ok. I promise. I’m happy. Better than happy.”
She nodded. The grin she flashed at him was another expression he remembered from when she was little. It was her ‘you’re gonna get in trouble’ grin. “Mom is gonna freak!”
He felt the color drain from his face. Shit.
Michiko cackled.
Ash glanced between the two of them, grinning before giving in to his own happy chuckle.
He couldn’t help it, he was so happy right here, in this moment. He found himself laughing too.
***
That night, he lay contemplating the day with all its roller coaster ups and downs. Eiji was asleep, his cheek resting on his chest, warm breath fluttering across the bare skin. Gently, careful not to wake him, he ran a gentle hand down his spine and back up, bringing his hand to rest at the back of his neck, cradling Eiji against him. His hair shone blue-black edged in silver in the moonlight.
They had opted for an inn afterall. Eiji’s mother had been both harder and easier to deal with than his sister. Her cold demeanor and perfect politeness left no room for explanations. Her congratulations had been brittle and precise and clearly not heart-felt. She hadn’t asked to see the ring or offered so much as a vague smile. She had simply stood to put on a pot of tea and upon her return, changed the subject.
Eiji’s sister might come around. She was happy that Eiji was happy at least.
He felt bad, honestly. He didn’t have any family left living, except maybe his dad. He’d honestly never checked. Didn’t expect he would anytime soon. But Max would be happy for them. Alex and Kong too. He snorted, a sudden image of Bones demanding to be made their flower girl popping vividly into his mind. His guys, his family would all be there, all be thrilled for them.
He knew Eiji’s family would have preferred almost any other match. A woman. Without a criminal record. Probably one who didn’t have horrific flashbacks. Definitely one who hadn’t hurt their boy in every way imaginable. A part of him regretted it. A part of him agreed with them. But his heart was too full to dwell on those darker parts of himself.
Eiji had certainly been enthusiastic in his celebration earlier. He shifted, enjoying the ache in his muscles.
Eiji lifted his head, looking down at him, his eyes sleepy and his lips curving into a gentle smile.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.” He tucked a strand of unruly dark hair behind his ear, curling up to offer a quick peck to his lips.
“You didn’t.” Eiji sighed, pulled his hand out from where he had tucked it under his hip and lifted it into the moonlight admiring the way the jade seemed to glow slightly. “I love this, you know. What it means. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Have you slept?”
“Nah. Too content, just the way I am right here.” He felt himself smile. It was true. And if it also kept him from ruining this night with a nightmare, then two birds with one stone as far as he was concerned.
“How loud are your thoughts, after...after everything?” Eiji’s question was tentative, gentle.
“Eiji. The man I love has just agreed to marry me. If my darker thoughts speak with his sister’s voice for a time, I’ll live. Those thoughts are always there, love. They might always be there. But all they are is thoughts and memories. This,” he drew Eiji into a gentle kiss taking his time but keeping it loving rather than passionate. “This is real.”
“Yeah,” Eiji replied. “I’m sorry they didn’t welcome you the way I promised they would.”
“You think everyone can forgive the way that you do. It went better than I expected.”
“Really?” Eiji sounded incredulous.
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“Hey. When did you really plan on giving me this?” Eiji waved his hand, smiling as the stone caught the light.
“Valentine’s Day.” He could feel himself blushing. He wasn’t good at mushy holidays. He didn’t like obligatory romance or huge public displays of affection. They felt performative. And they brought up memories better left buried. “I thought...you deserved… I know you like big gestures. Grand romance and all that. I’ve seen the manga you read.”
“But it’s almost April.” It seemed Eiji was simply skipping the comment on romantic gestures. Probably for the best.
“I chickened out. It didn’t feel like us. And then, well I told you my hot dog idea, but well, I thought you should at least like the meal when you get proposed to, and well, maybe that isn’t as special a memory for you as it was for me. I did tease you about the mustard.” He smiled. Eiji’s laugh sent a burst of air across his collar bone and a swarm of butterflies took flight in his stomach. “So then I thought after your last show. But it ran long and you were so tired. It didn’t seem like the right time.”
He reached up to cup Eiji’s cheek. “I wanted it to be real and meaningful. I wanted it to be perfect. For you.”
Eiji smiled, turned his head to kiss his palm. “It was, Love. It was absolutely perfect.” He shifted, kissing his lips. “Any of them would have been perfect. Because they all meant I got to marry you.”
“Sap.” He grinned. How was Eiji so good at words like that?
“Only for you, Ash. Only for you.” Eiji snuggled back into his arms. “Hey Ash?”
“Yeah.”
“Will you marry me?”
He rolled over, laughing, pinning Eiji to the mattress and capturing his lips in a kiss. “Yes.” kiss. “Of course.”
“Good,” Eiji whispered. “Cause my fiance is a big, scary former gang boss and he’ll come and kick your ass if you make me cry.”
He stared at Eiji, his absurd, impossible Eiji for a second before dropping his face into the crook of his neck not even bothering to fight off the giggles. “God I love you.”
“I love you too.” He felt rather than saw Eiji lift his hand into the moonlight once again. “And don’t you ever, ever forget it.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t.”