Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

todoroki natsuo created a group chat

todoroki natsuo added todoroki shouto, todoroki fuyumi to the chat

todoroki natsuo changed todoroki fuyumi’s name to ‘teacher’s pet’

todoroki natsuo changed todoroki shouto’s name to ‘walmart zuko’

todoroki natsuo changed todoroki natsuo’s name to ‘mall santa’

mall santa changed the chat name to ‘keeping up with the todorokis’

walmart zuko: what

mall santa: fellow members of the todoroki family 

teacher’s pet: only half of the family is here 

mall santa: Fellow Members of the Todoroki Family 

teacher’s pet: sigh

mall santa: i bring you News 

walmart zuko: spit it out old man

mall santa: ?? im literally 21 

walmart zuko: still old 

mall santa: without further ado, 

mall santa added todoroki touya to the chat 

walmart zuko: what

teacher’s pet: WHAT 

todoroki touya: what 

walmart zuko: how did you get a phone in jail 

todoroki touya: okay rude i was released a week ago 

todoroki touya: can’t believe my own brother didn’t know i got out of jail

todoroki touya: i drink to forget but i always remember 

walmart zuko: ok edgelord 

todoroki touya: i hate ur generation 

teacher’s pet: we’re all in the same generation?

todoroki touya: point stands 

teacher’s pet: congrats on not being in prison touya!! 

todoroki touya: thanks yumi

walmart zuko: how did they only give you two years 

todoroki touya: because i had dirt on a shit load of villains and i cooperated 

todoroki touya: and i didn’t just get two years 

todoroki touya: i have a corrections order for another two years with all these dumb rules

todoroki touya: i have to be monitored by police and i have to live with natsuo for the first year and i have a curfew of 12am and im not allowed to associate with any of the former or current league members 

todoroki touya: but im allowed a phone now so here I am 

teacher’s pet: oh touya im so glad you’re back with us 

todoroki touya: pls don’t get too sappy on me yet my mandatory therapist is still helping me deal with Emotions 

mall santa: oh wow they’ve got their work cut out for them 

todoroki touya: rude 

todoroki touya: as a todoroki im genetically predisposed to being emotionally constipated 

mall santa: took you a while to figure that one out 

todoroki touya: i didn’t figure it out Hawks did 

teacher’s pet: figures

todoroki touya: im gonna ignore that 

walmart zuko: wait what do you mean todorokis are emotionally constipated 

walmart zuko: constipation isn’t your emotions it’s your digestive system 

todoroki touya: oh honey

mall santa: im the only person here who got their love life together so none of you have the right to ‘oh honey’ anyone 

todoroki touya: you know what i guess that’s fair 

walmart zuko: i don’t need a love life 

todoroki touya: that’s the way

teacher’s pet: please don’t encourage each other 

todoroki touya: or what

teacher’s pet: I’ll tell mom

todoroki touya: okay holy shit 

todoroki touya: also can i please get a name change in here because todoroki touya makes me want to die just a little bit 

walmart zuko: it’s better than dabi

todoroki touya: rude dabi is badass 

walmart zuko: midoriya has been calling you dabert for the past year  

todoroki touya: he WHAT 

mall santa: HAHAHHA oh my GOD that’s priceless 

mall santa changed todoroki touya’s name to dabert

dabert: i hate this fucking family 

mall santa: i knew i liked that kid for a reason 

mall santa: dabi is short for dabert confirmed 

dabert: ITS NOT SHORT FOR DABERT 

teacher’s pet: i see no issues here

dabert: fuyumi you’re supposed to be on my side 

teacher’s pet: this is what you get for waiting a whole week to contact me after you got out of jail

dabert: i literally had to get natsuo to buy me a phone okay 

teacher’s pet: you could have written a letter

dabert: who the fuck still writes letters ???

walmart zuko: i write letters to mom

dabert: okay that’s a bit precious 

teacher’s pet: it’s very precious 

teacher’s pet: so anyway touya, how’s the civilian life treating you

dabert: id hardly call it the civilian life but i guess it’s okay 

dabert: i can’t use my quirk or I’ll get in trouble but honestly I’m not even that mad about it 

dabert: its kind of hard having a face only a mother could love in this society though 

dabert: everyone knows who i am and the stares aren’t nice 

mall santa: ill ice them 

dabert: sure you will 

teacher’s pet: im sure it’ll all settle down with time! 

dabert: eh whatever it’s not the worst

dabert: our old man’s legally not allowed to contact me so that’s a huge plus 

walmart zuko: fuck endeavor

mall santa: fuck endeavor

dabert: fuck endeavor

mall santa: fuyumi 

teacher’s pet: ...fuck endeavor

dabert: character development 

teacher’s pet: don’t push it 

dabert: yes ma’am

keeping up with the todorokis

dabert: okay, was anyone going to tell me hawks became the #1 hero while i was in jail, or was i supposed to find that out from a hawks thirst page myself 

teacher’s pet: can we unpack why you were on a hawks thirst page first

dabert: no

teacher’s pet: understandable have a nice day

mall santa: end*avor dropped a lot in popularity after all the abuse came to light 

mall santa: unfortunately due to the corrupt nature of hero society and society as a whole, he still ranks in the top 10 from sheer number of villains he defeats, since for some reason he’s been allowed to keep his hero license 

dabert: ah

dabert: and so bird boy is number 1 now? 

mall santa: basically yeah

mall santa: he’s good at it, he really does deserve it 

dabert: good for him i guess

teacher’s pet: did things end badly with you and hawks...?

dabert: not really

dabert: I don’t know it’s complicated 

walmart zuko: is it because you’re emotionally constipated 

dabert: you learnt that word yesterday so i do not want to hear it from you 

walmart zuko: understandable have a nice day

dabert: we were never actually in a relationship? so I can’t really say we broke up

dabert: but we lost contact when i went to prison and it was awkward at that point anyway, with the whole undercover hero and villain thing and him indirectly putting me in jail

walmart zuko: that’s rough buddy

dabert: don’t you avatar reference me 

teacher’s pet: didn’t he vouch for you in court during your sentencing though?

dabert: yeah he did 

mall santa: wait so what even were you guys 

mall santa: if ur cool with me asking that

dabert: it’s ok

dabert: we were basically fuck buddies tbh but there was more unspoken stuff I guess

teacher’s pet: unspoken stuff?

dabert: my therapist says they’re called Feelings

mall santa: ah

mall santa: wait so y’all did the diddly 

dabert: why would you phrase it like that

mall santa: because there’s a child in our presence 

walmart zuko: im literally 18

dabert: a child

walmart zuko: legally im an adult 

dabert: in the eyes of the law and nothing else 

teacher’s pet: are you gonna contact him again? 

dabert: idk

dabert: he probably doesn’t want me to

teacher’s pet: why would you think that

dabert: i mean he was undercover for like, a while 

dabert: i was probably just the only semi sane person around his age who was available 

walmart zuko: semi sane? you kidnapped one of my classmates

dabert: its true but you shouldn’t say it 

walmart zuko: i don’t think hawks is like that though 

walmart zuko: he seems genuine enough to me anyway

teacher’s pet: you should contact him 

dabert: i think i’d rather die but thanks 

teacher’s pet: if you die I’ll kill you 

walmart zuko: you sound like bakugou rn

teacher’s pet: good.

mall santa: well that’s terrifying 

dabert: that bakugou kid scares the fuck out of me 

walmart zuko: he’s so much scarier since the last time you saw him

dabert: but is he still shorter than me

walmart zuko: no

dabert: what’s the point of living 

walmart zuko: midoriya is still shorter than you if that helps 

dabert: he’s the reason dabert exists so no it doesn’t help at all

mall santa: lmao dabert

dabert: shut up

dabert: I can’t believe natsuo is 5 years younger than me and has 100% more shit together than i do

mall santa: what can i say it’s part of my charm

teacher’s pet: your only charm is that you’re the only one of us who inherited dad’s height 

mall santa: it’s true but you didn’t have to say it

mall santa: and the only reason i have more shit together than you is because i wasn’t burned almost to a crisp and a villain and then also in jail

mall santa: so please remember to take that into account 

dabert: ah yes my poor life choices

teacher’s pet: i feel like at least some of that wasn’t exactly your choice 

dabert: this feels like therapy and i don’t like it 

teacher’s pet: seriously touya what happened to you wasn’t your fault 

dabert: you say that but if id just been stronger none of it would have happened 

teacher’s pet: how were you supposed to be ‘stronger’ ??? how are you meant to control the genetics you got handed 

mall santa: it’s not any of our faults that dad was an abuser and had a quirk marriage without any sort of research into the genetics he was meddling with 

teacher’s pet: natsuo’s a med student you can’t argue with him 

dabert: key word student

teacher’s pet: touya please

dabert: okay fine 

dabert: god 

dabert: its just hard to unlearn all of the stuff that was beat into me as a child 

teacher’s pet: it’s okay touya we’re all here for you

teacher’s pet: you can take as much time as you need

walmart zuko: midoriya convinced me to see a therapist a while ago and it’s been really helping me so hopefully it can help you too

dabert: yeah it is helping it’s just gonna be a long process 

teacher’s pet: nothing wrong with that

dabert: you guys are gonna make me cry and i don’t have tear ducts so this is a Problem

teacher’s pet: natsuo

mall santa: on it on it 

keeping up with the todorokis 

dabert: day 3 of legally having to live with natsuo and i hate it 

walmart zuko: try living in the UA dorms 

dabert: yeah no thank you

walmart zuko: is he sucking face with his girlfriend again 

dabert: ...

dabert: yes how did you know 

walmart zuko: in my second year at UA i wanted to move out of the dorms since it was optional at that point but i didn’t wanna live with dad either 

walmart zuko: and natsuo had just moved out so i was gonna stay with him for a bit

dabert: how long did you last

walmart zuko: a week

dabert: honestly im kinda proud of you 

walmart zuko: thanks ig

teacher’s pet: why do you have to live with natsuo?

dabert: idk they wanted me to have supervision by a ‘responsible adult’ and also wanted to make sure i was having contact with family for ‘mental stability’ or something 

dabert: and since you’re still living with dad you weren’t an option yumi

dabert: and shouto is a child 

walmart zuko: im 18 

dabert: since shouto is an infant 

walmart zuko: when is it my turn to be happy 

dabert: so yeah and I have like $7.52 to my name so it’s not like I could get my own place anyway

teacher’s pet: is he really that bad? i thought natsu’s place was pretty nice 

dabert: oh yeah it is 

dabert: the place itself is pretty big for an apartment and it’s super clean 

walmart zuko: I feel like anything would be pretty big and clean compared to the dump you lived in before 

dabert: it’s not my fault shigaraki was a man child 

teacher’s pet: do you need me to come rescue you 

dabert: please

dabert: just let me grab a face mask and like a hoodie or smth so we don’t get stared at 

teacher’s pet: touya :( 

dabert: no trust me it’s awful and you don’t need that

teacher’s pet: okay only if you’re sure 

teacher’s pet: I’ll be there in 10

dabert: does this mean im gonna be left with shouto for 10 minutes 

teacher’s pet: yes

teacher’s pet: so behave 

dabert: yes mom

dabert: so shouto,

walmart zuko: uh oh 

dabert: you mention midoriya a lot don’t you

walmart zuko: who’s midoriya 

dabert: don’t play dumb with me 

walmart zuko: todoroki shouto can’t answer the phone right now please leave a message after the beep

dabert: y’all dating?

walmart zuko: beep

dabert: answer the question 

dabert: shouto?

dabert: ...

dabert: i hate this family 

keeping up with the todorokis  

mall santa: so was deserting me fun

dabert: you literally deserted me first to suck face with your girlfriend 

mall santa: and

dabert: sorry i don’t cope well with heterosexuality 

walmart zuko: i think that’s fair 

dabert: thank you thank you

teacher’s pet: it was very fun 

mall santa: oh do tell

teacher’s pet: you won’t believe who we ran into

dabert: yumi no

teacher’s pet: yumi yes 

teacher’s pet: we were having our coffee at an outdoor table of a cafe 

teacher’s pet: and guess who’s patrolling the area?

walmart zuko: please don’t say dad 

teacher’s pet: it wasn’t dad 

dabert: i almost wish it was 

walmart zuko: tf

dabert: i said almost 

teacher’s pet: none other than the wing hero Hawks himself 

dabert: ugh 

walmart zuko: did you pass out 

mall santa: no i bet he screamed

dabert: i did not do either of those thanks 

teacher’s pet: no he hid under the table 

mall santa: that’s so much worse oh my god 

walmart zuko: literally what happened to the whole scary villain thing 

dabert: burning people is so much easier than facing your sort of but not really ex okay leave me alone 

mall santa: I thought Hawks was based in Fukuoka? 

dabert: yeah you and me both

teacher’s pet: he’s extended his agency and opened up a new office in tokyo

teacher’s pet: since the crime rate is a lot higher over this way and he’s the number 1 now

teacher’s pet: him and miruko share it kind of? im not sure how to explain it but they take shifts together in tokyo and shizuoka and then travel back to their main agencies 

dabert: why couldn’t you have told me this BEFORE we ran into both of them

teacher’s pet: oops?

mall santa: was miruko there too?? this just keeps getting better 

dabert: no it keeps getting worse 

dabert: and fuyumi BETRAYED ME and TALKED TO THEM

teacher’s pet: what’s wrong with that!

dabert: i was in distress and you decided to make friends what about that is not wrong 

teacher’s pet: im already friends with them??

dabert: see what i mean it just gets worse 

mall santa: why don’t you just talk to him 

dabert: i would’ve if Judy Hopps wasn’t there too 

walmart zuko: no you wouldn’t have

dabert: can you not call me out for two seconds please 

dabert: i was having a crisis 

walmart zuko: you’re always having a crisis 

dabert: just because you can say it doesn’t mean you should 

mall santa: wouldn’t he have seen you under the table??

dabert: no

teacher’s pet: yes 

dabert: well if he saw me he didn’t say anything 

teacher’s pet: I don’t think anybody would be able to think of anything to say in that situation anyway

dabert: he’s seen worse

mall santa: alright let’s not unpack that because i don’t want to know 

walmart zuko: midoriya wants to know if you can ask Hawks if he can intern with him

dabert: care to add midoriya to the chat for a quick minute?

walmart zuko: why

dabert: so i can give him the details 

walmart zuko: okay

walmart zuko added midoriya izuku to the chat 

midoriya izuku: so you’ll do it???

dabert: no

dabert removed midoriya izuku from the chat

mall santa: i

dabert: anyway

dabert: we are never speaking of this again

dabert: understood? 

mall santa: yes 

walmart zuko: fine 

dabert: good 

private chat between sane sister and captain crisp

captain crisp: can you maybe send me Hawks’ contact info 

sane sister sent a contact: Hawks 

captain crisp: thanks yumi

Chapter Text

keeping up with the todorokis

walmart zuko: midoriya wants me to tell you guys he says hi 

mall santa: hi midoriya

teacher’s pet: hi midoriya 

dabert: no

mall santa: how are you with midoriya all the time 

walmart zuko: we are in the same class

dabert: lmao

mall santa: no but school should have finished like three hours ago 

teacher’s pet: knowing UA it hasn’t

walmart zuko: im in the dorms 

walmart zuko: I live here

mall santa: yeah but doesn’t midoriya live with his mother??

walmart zuko: yes and 

mall santa: i can’t tell if you’re playing dumb or if you’re just dense

dabert: both

dabert: what natsuo is trying to say,

teacher’s pet: do not finish that sentence 

dabert: you’re all no fun

mall santa: why is he always at your dorms if he doesn’t live there anymore 

walmart zuko: because half his friends including me live here? and aizawa doesn’t care as long as nobody burns the building down

walmart zuko: i am a child and i have done nothing wrong ever

dabert: i thought you were ‘legally an adult’

walmart zuko: I liked you better when you were in jail

dabert: and i took that personally 

walmart zuko: it’s the only place we can hang out without his stupid fan club following us around 

dabert: fan club?

walmart zuko: yeah there’s a bunch of girls who are obsessed with him after last year’s sports festival and it’s stupid 

mall santa: sounds like someone’s jealous 

walmart zuko: I have dubious morals and I will not hesitate 

mall santa: uh,

walmart zuko: he’s nice to them too 

dabert: just say you’re jealous so we can move on from this

walmart zuko: ...

walmart zuko: im not jealous 

dabert: no you’re just an idiot 

teacher’s pet: i can’t even defend you on this one shouto

dabert: see

teacher’s pet: don’t push it 

mall santa: I think you have a shot with him, you guys are like joined at the hip pretty much 

walmart zuko: no he’s straight 

dabert: i was joking before but now i think you might actually be stupid 

walmart zuko: you won’t even text a guy you had an almost relationship with and you know for a fact was as least into you at some point 

dabert: im starting to remember why i became a villain 

teacher’s pet: why don’t we have dinner as a family some time and you can invite midoriya shouto?

walmart zuko: because id rather become deceased 

teacher’s pet: please stop sounding like touya

dabert: yeah don’t take after me im like the family’s biggest disappointment 

walmart zuko: I think we’re ALL the family’s biggest disappointment 

teacher’s pet: okay pack it up theatre kids 

teacher’s pet: you don’t have to talk about it with us if you don’t want to Shouto it’s okay

walmart zuko: okay thanks fuyumi

mall santa: midoriya’s gonna shoot up through the rankings when you guys debut next year 

mall santa: so will you of course

walmart zuko: yeah i know 

walmart zuko: touya tell hawks to watch out

dabert: id rather do literally anything else but thanks anyway

mall santa: you still don’t have a hero name do you shouto?

walmart zuko: what

walmart zuko: yes I do

walmart zuko: it’s Shouto

dabert: i hate u sometimes 

walmart zuko: okay well you try and come up with anything that isn’t a dumb pun about how im half ice half fire 

dabert: ...

dabert: alright fine you have a point 

mall santa: i hate to break it to you but shouto literally means burn freeze

walmart zuko: I guess I’ll just die then

dabert: i guess it’s better than lord explosion murder god or whatever your friend keeps calling himself 

walmart zuko: idk he has a few variations of that

walmart zuko: it sounds like a villain name 

walmart zuko: and it’s somehow worse than yours 

dabert: how many time do I need to say Dabi is badass 

walmart zuko: it’s not badass it’s just wannabe edgy

dabert: villain me was so much cooler 

teacher’s pet: villain you was also a murderer 

dabert: i don’t want to talk about this anymore 

mall santa: at least villain you had the balls to talk to Hawks 

dabert: yeah because Dabi was cool

dabert: now im a weird mix of ex villain and the todoroki family’s disappointment and I hate it 

teacher’s pet: you’re not a disappointment 

dabert: literally nobody knew I existed because that’s how well he hid me from the public 

dabert: and Hawks was a huge endeavor fanboy so you can see why this is weird for me 

teacher’s pet: did they not show you guys the news in jail??

dabert: I didn’t watch it 

mall santa: at the first hero billboard chart after you went to jail hawks started beefing with endeavor on live tv 

dabert: he what

mall santa: he basically told endeavor that he didn’t deserve to be a hero and to go fuck himself 

mall santa: that’s the very short story anyway

mall santa: its online if you want to watch it, the tabloids didn’t shut up about it for like a year 

walmart zuko: lmao that was hilarious 

teacher’s pet: dad looked really heartbroken 

mall santa: good lmao 

dabert: okay well im watching the video and im kinda turned on ngl

teacher’s pet: ugh touya keep that to yourself next time 

dabert: don’t shame me 

dabert: i should talk to him

mall santa: please do it

teacher’s pet: yes!!

dabert: nah

mall santa: choke

keeping up with the todorokis 

walmart zuko: hey google what the fuck do you say when somebody comes out to you

dabert: im assuming you don’t say whatever you said 

walmart zuko: i said congratulations 

dabert: LMAO

teacher’s pet: oh shouto

teacher’s pet: was it midoriya 

walmart zuko: ...yes 

dabert: see what i mean, im always right 

walmart zuko: you were right once

dabert: Im Always Right 

walmart zuko: he said he’s bi and i panicked and said congratulations but I said it really deadpan and then he panicked and said are you homophobic and i panicked even more and said no im gay and he just said oh

mall santa: I really want to be sympathetic because you’re my brother but what the fuck

teacher’s pet: when was this?? 

walmart zuko: just now 

teacher’s pet: maybe talk to him instead of texting us ?

walmart zuko: no i said I needed to use the bathroom and i bolted 

dabert: does this mean im not the biggest mess out of us anymore 

teacher’s pet: no you’re still the worst

dabert: fuck

walmart zuko: can somebody please help me i don’t know what im supposed to say 

teacher’s pet: just go back and tell him you’re sorry you panicked and that you support him and him being bi doesn’t change anything between you guys 

walmart zuko: but it does 

walmart zuko: my repressed feelings are coming out 

dabert: okay well maybe just repress them again for a minute 

teacher’s pet: touya you are not qualified to give advice here 

dabert: okay maybe that’s fair 

mall santa: shouto listen to fuyumi 

mall santa: if you just talk to him it’ll be okay

mall santa: and you don’t have to confess to him or anything because honestly it sounds like you need to sort yourself out for a bit first

walmart zuko: okay ill go back 

mall santa: and do it before bakugou finds out about it 

walmart zuko: okay holy shit im going 

keeping up with the todorokis 

walmart zuko: I did it 

teacher’s pet: are you guys okay now?

walmart zuko: yeah i just explained to him that i panicked and i didn’t know how to react but him being bi doesn’t change anything between us

walmart zuko: and he said me being gay doesn't change anything but why do i almost wish it did 

dabert: sounds like somebody’s pining 

walmart zuko: choke 

dabert: i will restrain my reply for fuyumi’s sake

teacher’s pet: appreciated 

walmart zuko: fuyumi

teacher’s pet: ?

walmart zuko: i changed my mind about the dinner thing

walmart zuko: I’ll bring midoriya

teacher’s pet: only if you’re absolutely sure!! i don’t want to pressure you 

walmart zuko: no it’s okay I want to

dabert: gross 

dabert: do i have to be in attendance 

teacher’s pet: please touya :( 

dabert: no

teacher’s pet: :(

dabert: ugh fuck fine 

teacher’s pet: it doesn’t have to be at home, i don’t want to bring back bad memories for you

mall santa: my place isn’t too big but I’m sure we could make it work if you wanted to do it here

dabert: yeah that’s okay 

dabert: as long as you don’t suck face with your girlfriend at the dinner table 

mall santa: we’re not even that bad

dabert: yes you are this apartment reeks of heterosexuality 

mall santa: that doesn’t make any sense and you know it 

dabert: the second i see a ‘live laugh love’ im going back to jail

dabert: my second villain origin story 

mall santa: i forget you were a theatre kid sometimes but you always manage to remind me 

keeping up with the todorokis 

dabert: hey does anyone know how to get a job when you didn’t finish high school and have an extensive criminal record ? 

dabert: because wikihow didn’t cover this 

teacher’s pet: step one stop using wikihow 

dabert: but it has pictures 

dabert: pls fuyumi im poor 

teacher’s pet: um

teacher’s pet: you could see if there’s any businesses that like specifically take people who have just come out of prison, there aren’t many but i know they’re around 

teacher’s pet: otherwise your only other overly useful skill is your knowledge of villains and all that, so you’d have to work with heroes which i assume you would hate 

dabert: you’re right i would hate that

dabert: i don’t know what to even put on my resume 

dabert: skills: homicide 

teacher’s pet: okay maybe not that

teacher’s pet: you could consider taking some night classes to get a high school diploma? 

dabert: but im gay

teacher’s pet: what does that have to with it

dabert: i can’t do math 

teacher’s pet: touya im sure you can do high school math 

dabert: yumi you greatly overestimate me 

mall santa: i can help you if you want 

dabert: can you just do it for me 

mall santa: i can’t believe im telling my 26 year old brother to do his homework 

dabert: okay dont then 

dabert: sounds like a personal problem to me 

mall santa: you are impossible sometimes

dabert: it’s my speciality 

dabert: i will enrol in night school because i am a functioning member of society

walmart zuko: that’s sounds like a stretch but ok

dabert: then the next step of my plan is to acquire a job 

mall santa: and then?

dabert: idk die or something 

mall santa: fair 

teacher’s pet: ill send you the links to a few around here 

dabert: thanks yumi

keeping up with the todorokis  

walmart zuko: my favourite endeavor hate account on Twitter just posted for the first time in 5 years

mall santa: which one?? mine just did too

walmart zuko: @endeavorsucks69 

mall santa: no fucking way

teacher’s pet: why do you guys follow hate pages for dad

mall santa: i feel like that’s pretty self explanatory 

walmart zuko: 18 year old me hates him almost as much as 13 year old me 

dabert: ...

dabert: so I feel like this is a good time to mention I recently rediscovered my endeavor hate Twitter 

mall santa: wait what

walmart zuko: you have an endeavor hate Twitter? 

dabert: yeah

walmart zuko: what’s your handle 

mall santa: shouto he’s endeavorsucks69

dabert: i am indeed endeavorsucks69 

teacher’s pet: why would you make an endeavor hate page

teacher’s pet: and why would you start using it again

dabert: so you know how i’m filled with rage?

mall santa: so you’re trying to tell me that when i followed an endeavor hate Twitter because I was grieving for my dead brother it was actually my dead brother running it 

dabert: small world?

dabert: also im not dead 

mall santa: yeah well i know that now captain obvious 

mall santa: I guess all the creepily specific posts about him make sense now 

teacher’s pet: so you’re telling me that 21 year old you took time out of your day to run a hate page about dad 

dabert: yeah that’s what i just said 

dabert: I didn’t have real teenage years to express my angst ok let me live 

walmart zuko: im going through your replies and you replied to Hawks’ official account debut post with ‘id hit that’ 

dabert: what can I say im a man of my word 

mall santa: ugh ew 

dabert: shut up you’re literally a heterosexual 

walmart zuko: when hawks talked about you he made you sound like some mysterious bad boy but you’re literally like this 

dabert: like what

walmart zuko: like This 

dabert: when did you even talk to Hawks 

walmart zuko: idk he’s around a lot because fuyumi is friends with miruko and miruko and hawks are really close and sometimes he just starts talking about you

dabert: on today’s episode of fuyumi betraying me 

teacher’s pet: on today’s episode of touya being dramatic 

dabert: touché 

dabert: and i am a mysterious bad boy 

walmart zuko: i hate to break it to you but you aren’t mysterious anymore your life is all over the Internet 

dabert: thanks now i want to die again 

walmart zuko: no worries

dabert: might put my villain costume on and stand in front of the mirror just to feel something 

teacher’s pet: should I be concerned 

mall santa: not in my apartment pls 

dabert: then where 

mall santa: idk in your therapist’s office or something 

teacher’s pet: write that down

dabert: choke

keeping up with the todorokis  

walmart zuko: help I have to do m*th 

teacher’s pet: who is making you do meth I want names and addresses that’s illegal 

mall santa: i think he means math fuyumi 

walmart zuko: i censored it for a reason so if you could please respect that id appreciate it 

dabert: why do you even need m*th for hero work 

dabert: like tf kind of test is that

dabert: ‘if you have 5 civilians and 2 die how many civilians do you have’ type of shit ?

mall santa: well how many?

dabert: id have 5 dead civilians and a dead teacher if anybody tried that on me 

walmart zuko: idk i think to be a real school they have to run classes other than just us beating each other up with our quirks for 3 years 

mall santa: is that not just hero work

dabert: that’s what im saying 

teacher’s pet: well if you want to run your own agency you have to know some basic math

teacher’s pet: like you have to manage the financial side of it

dabert: yeah I have $3.47 so

walmart zuko: can’t you just hire somebody to do it for you 

teacher’s pet: i

teacher’s pet: I guess so 

dabert: fuck yeah loop hole 

dabert: idk why i care i literally have a criminal record

dabert: i take that back I do not care

mall santa: wow incredible insight 

walmart zuko: back to Me now, can somebody please just help me with this 

mall santa: I guess I can 

dabert: wait no then I have to listen to it 

mall santa: this is literally my apartment you’re just living in it 

dabert: hey champ that’s really interesting! next time keep it to yourself 

mall santa: i’ll start charging you rent 

dabert: okay holy shit 

dabert: shouto come get your math 

walmart zuko: existence is pain 

private chat between sane sister and captain crisp 

captain crisp: im gonna do it im gonna text him 

sane sister: do it!!

captain crisp: please video call me afterwards so i don’t panic 

sane sister: can do 

private chat between Hawks and unknown number 

unknown number: hey

unknown number: it’s Dabi

 incoming video call from sane sister 

Chapter Text

unknown number saved as Dabi 

private chat between bunny bitch and daddy issues 

daddy issues: CODE RED

daddy issues: HELP ME 

daddy issues: you have 10 seconds to respond before this #1 hero spot becomes up for grabs 

bunny bitch: okay im calling you in just a second I’ll do my best crying impression, how dramatic do you need scale of 1-10

daddy issues: no this is different 

daddy issues: dabi just fucking texted me after 2 years and i have no clue what to say

daddy issues: what do I do

daddy issues: im changing my name and moving to mexico

daddy issues: how do I reply without screaming ‘hey i haven’t been able to get you off my mind for the past 2 years even tho I sort of put you in jail’ 

bunny bitch: okay well don’t say that

daddy issues: thanks very helpful

bunny bitch: just be cool 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi 

Hawks: hey

Hawks: how was prison?

private chat between bunny bitch and daddy issues 

daddy issues: I ASKED HIM HOW PRISON WAS

bunny bitch: I SAID BE COOL

bunny bitch: YOU HAD ONE (1) JOB

private chat between sane sister and captain crisp 

captain crisp: he just asked me how prison was

captain crisp: he hates me

sane sister: i hate you both 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi 

Dabi: uh

Dabi: not great? 

Hawks: im so sorry i don’t know why i said that 

Dabi: it’s alright 

Hawks: im also sorry that jail was bad 

Dabi: well it’d be more concerning if i said it was good 

Hawks: you make a good point 

private chat between sane sister and captain crisp

captain crisp: yumi im doing it im talking to him 

sane sister: proud of you 

private chat between bunny bitch and daddy issues 

daddy issues: hold on I think i recovered 

daddy issues: im doing it

daddy issues: we are Talking 

bunny bitch: truly incredible 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Dabi: so how’s the number one hero life treating you?

Hawks: ahh pretty good, stressful obviously but fulfilling you know 

Dabi: always knew you were a goody two shoes 

Hawks: sorry not all of us can be emo edgelords such as yourself 

Dabi: so we’re just gonna ignore your 13 year old emo phase that you know i know about 

Hawks: yes?

private chat between bunny bitch and daddy issues 

daddy issues: i think we’re flirting?

bunny bitch: what do you mean you think you’re flirting

bunny bitch: you’re better than this 

daddy issues: i am not and you know this 

daddy issues: can’t believe im excited about what’s probably small talk rn

bunny bitch: I need alcohol before I continue this conversation 

daddy issues: understandable, have a nice day

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Dabi: i heard from Fuyumi that you’re more active around Tokyo and Shizuoka now?

private chat between bunny bitch and daddy issues

daddy issues: he appears to be under the impression we did not see him hiding from us under a table

bunny bitch: PFT

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Hawks: yeah, Miruko and I opened a joint branch together! you know since we’ve climbed pretty high in the ranks we thought it’d be good to have eyes in the more major areas 

Hawks: it’s going better than I thought it would tbh 

Dabi: oh cool cool

keeping up with the todorokis  

dabert: I think Hawks and Miruko are dating

teacher’s pet: okay now what the fuck

dabert: you don’t understand 

dabert: who opens a joint agency with their bestie? 

dabert: nobody. they’re dating and im out here looking like boo boo the fool 

teacher’s pet: you got the last bit right

dabert: ive connected the dots 

teacher’s pet: you didn’t connect shit

dabert: ive connected them 

walmart zuko: me and midoriya talked about opening a joint agency back in second year 

walmart zuko: and we’re best friends

dabert: you’re literally in love with him 

dabert: proving my point 

dabert: 

mall santa: who tf taught you how to meme

dabert: twitter

dabert: i have a lot of free time 

walmart zuko: i wasn’t in love with him at the time

dabert: 

mall santa: anyway

mall santa: i think we’ve missed a few steps here

mall santa: did this come to you in a fever dream?

dabert: no I texted hawks

mall santa: and you were gonna tell us when

dabert: uh

dabert: never?

mall santa: okay ouch

dabert: im changing my name again and moving to Ecuador 

mall santa: i can hear you watching the notebook from my room

mall santa: doesn’t sound very ‘changing my name and moving to ecuador’ to me 

dabert: im not watching the notebook

mall santa: you can lie to me but you can’t lie to yourself 

dabert: i can do both actually 

mall santa: this is my 13th reason

keeping up with the todorokis  

dabert: getting real healthcare at a real hospital for the first time kinda nervous 

walmart zuko: does this mean you don’t have to have those ugly ass staples anymore 

dabert: first of all, they fit my aesthetic 

dabert: but second yeah ur right they hurt and i hate them

teacher’s pet: you should see if they’d let you have some support items or something like the heroes get 

teacher’s pet: so you don’t hurt yourself any more 

dabert: yeah only problem with that is im not a hero

walmart zuko: touya for the past 12 years: 

walmart zuko: 

mall santa: okay now who taught shouto to meme cause i know he didn’t just learn that on his own

walmart zuko: ouch ok

dabert: it’s true 

mall santa: so it was touya

dabert: wow just because im a criminal

dabert: some brother 

mall santa: ???

mall santa: I hate it in here 

dabert: cope 

keeping up with the todorokis

walmart zuko: so our hero work studies are coming up,

mall santa: if you go back to end*avor im kicking you from the chat

walmart zuko: id rather die thanks

walmart zuko: I got an offer from Hawks Agency

dabert: absolutely fucking not

walmart zuko: im 18 you can’t tell me what to do

dabert: no but i can move without being in pain now so ill roast u 

walmart zuko: who’s jealous now

dabert: i can’t read i don’t know 

mall santa: do it shouto

dabert: it be ur own family 

walmart zuko: he offered a spot to midoriya too the world doesn’t revolve around u

dabert: firstly yes it does

dabert: secondly that makes it so much worse thanks

mall santa: come on touya you have to start liking midoriya at least a little bit soon

dabert: and why would I do that

mall santa: because he’ll be your brother in law soon enough 

walmart zuko: wait no we’re meant to be bullying touya not me

mall santa: maybe ill send him your baby photos 

walmart zuko: NO

dabert: omg shouto used capital letters

walmart zuko: please no he’ll make them his background on his phone forever 

private chat between shouto’s broccoli friend and large todoroki

large todoroki: [babyshouto.png]

shouto’s broccoli friend: aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

keeping up with the todorokis

mall santa: it’s been done

walmart zuko: 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Dabi: so you’re taking Shouto on?

Hawks: yeah! him and Midoriya have heaps of potential

Hawks: hopefully they can surpass me one day 

Hawks: wait are you here to threaten me

Dabi: no no id never

Dabi: hey you like fried chicken still right?

Hawks: ...

Hawks: message received 

Hawks: 

traffic light trio

sparky sparky boom man: HOW COME HAWKS OFFERED YOU TWO AND NOT ME

prince zuko: who are you going with

sparky sparky boom man: IDK because stupid fucking best jeanist offered again BUT HE MAKES ME WEAR MY HAIR STUPID 

tear bender: i think Hawks is scared of you 

sparky sparky boom man: HE SHOULD BE 

keeping up with the todorokis

walmart zuko: bakugou is mad he didn’t get offered a work study with Hawks 

dabert: im pretty sure he’d make Hawks’ feathers fall off 

dabert: also what about the bird kid

walmart zuko: who

dabert: the bird kid in your class

walmart zuko: tokoyami?

dabert: idk maybe

walmart zuko: yeah he’s doing it too

walmart zuko: i was kind of surprised Hawks asked me and Midoriya since he already has Tokoyami on board 

walmart zuko: his agency is massive now tho so I guess his sidekicks will look after us more than Hawks himself 

dabert: if he doesn’t give you enough attention let me know and I’ll take care of it

walmart zuko: you just want an excuse to talk to Hawks but ok

dabert: can’t you just let me at least pretend like I’m a good brother 

walmart zuko: no id rather watch you suffer

dabert: you know what I hope u forget ur hero costume on ur first day and everyone laughs at u

walmart zuko: I hope both sides of ur pillow are warm

dabert: 

keeping up with the todorokis

mall santa: hey touya

dabert: what

mall santa: have you checked any of the Hawks thirst pages in the past hour?

dabert: i don’t know what a Hawks thirst page is 

mall santa: sure jan

mall santa: check Twitter 

dabert: ugh

dabert: HOLY FUCK

teacher’s pet: natsuo what have you done to him

mall santa: hawks got an undercut 

dabert: never in my LIFE have I been this sad and horny 

mall santa: hey bestie that’s great but next time keep it to yourself 

teacher’s pet: maybe if you reconnected properly with him you’d know these things touya

dabert: i texted him what more do you want from me

mall santa: the bar really is 6 feet under huh

dabert: shut up heterosexual

dabert: i told you guys I think he’s dating miruko

teacher’s pet: oh my god for fucks sake

mall santa: holy shit touya you broke her

teacher’s pet: you absolute clown ass bitch

dabert: is this a fever dream

teacher’s pet: if you’re so fucking sure they’re dating then how come i literally went on a date with miruko last week

dabert: WHAT

mall santa: HUH

walmart zuko: what did I just open my phone to

mall santa: and you didn’t tell us???

teacher’s pet: no because i wanted it to become a steady relationship before i told you guys and it’s still in very early stages but since dumbass clown face mcgee over here is an IDIOT i had no other choice 

dabert: touya.exe has stopped responding 

mall santa: why is everybody in this family a hero or dating a hero except me 

dabert: do i not exist to you

mall santa: shut up this is about me rn

teacher’s pet: actually it’s about me assholes 

dabert: yumi you’re scaring me 

teacher’s pet: maybe you’ll stop being a dumbass and just fucking reconnect with Hawks instead of being a little bitch then

dabert: ill do it pls stop yelling at me

walmart zuko: im scared and confused 

teacher’s pet: 

walmart zuko: oh that makes sense 

fuyumi support group

knockoff elsa: so I kind of accidentally told my my brothers about how we’re dating 

judy hopps: i thought you wanted to wait?

judy hopps: i don’t care of course im happy to be open about it

knockoff elsa: touya was being an idiot 

chicken run: he what

judy hopps: not that it’s an issue but how do those correlate 

knockoff elsa: he thought you guys were dating 

chicken run: ...

chicken run: should i just die

judy hopps: might be the best option

chicken run: I really thought dabi was smart 

knockoff elsa: I don’t know how he managed to make you think that

chicken run: he’s street smart! i thought it was translate to at least something else!

knockoff elsa: he has the emotional intelligence of a foot fungus 

judy hopps: that’s oddly specific 

knockoff elsa: idk what you see in him Hawks 

chicken run: haha well,

knockoff elsa: ew

judy hopps: ew

chicken run: this is biphobia 

chicken run: can’t believe im a side character now that you guys are dating I hate it in here

knockoff elsa: you could literally be with touya if you guys had the balls to communicate

chicken run: no are you kidding me 

chicken run: he’s hot and cool and im a mess 

knockoff elsa: brb throwing up

knockoff elsa: anyway rumi im hosting a dinner at Natsuo’s place and shouto is bringing Midoriya, so now that they know about us you’re welcome to come too!!

judy hopps: like id miss an opportunity to intimidate your brothers 

chicken run: can i come :(

knockoff elsa: you’re not invited until you and touya get your shit together 

chicken run: :o but fuyumi

knockoff elsa: don’t but me 

chicken run: guess ill suffer 

knockoff elsa: it’s what you both deserve 

judy hopps: you’re hot when you’re scary babe

chicken run: UGH i hate it in here 

knockoff elsa: then leave

judy hopps: then leave 

chicken run: when is it my turn to be happy 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Dabi: i saw the ad you did for best jeanist

Hawks: ??

Dabi: I didn’t know you did ads

Dabi: having more free time lately?

Hawks: oh

Hawks: not really but I kind of owed him one for turning him into a fake corpse 

Dabi: jesus and he held you to that two years later?

Hawks: yep unfortunately for me 

Hawks: made me get my hair done too

Hawks: I even had to shave

Dabi: it looked good though

Hawks: hold on one second 

fuyumi support group

chicken run: breathes in

chicken run: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

judy hopps: what the fuck

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Hawks: okay im good

Hawks: thanks !! i wasn’t sure about the whole undercut thing at first but I guess it was time for a change 

Dabi: is it too soon for me to joke about my hair reveal

Hawks: probably 

Hawks: if you remove all the trauma associated with it the white was a look 

Hawks: but i can’t say im not fond of the black

Dabi: finally somebody who appreciates my aesthetic 

Hawks: ok calm down edgelord 

Dabi: nvm choke 

Hawks: rude

Dabi: the black just suits better idk

Dabi: matches my clothes

Hawks: it brings your eyes out

fuyumi support squad 

chicken run: WHY DID I SAY THAT

judy hopps: ???

judy hopps: are you texting dabi

knockoff elsa: you guys are a fucking mess

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Dabi: the red used to be good at that

Dabi: kind of like your wings 

fuyumi support group 

chicken run: mom im getting married 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Hawks: if you dyed your hair back to red we’d look pretty funny 

Dabi: id pretend to consider it but it looks like my dads and makes me wanna die 

Hawks: yeah that’s a fair call 

fuyumi support group 

chicken run: i guess ill die 

judy hopps: get you a man who can do both ig

knockoff elsa: are you gonna do this every single time you guys talk

chicken run: obviously 

knockoff elsa: ...

knockoff elsa has changed the chat name to hawks support group

chicken run: feeling loved

judy hopps: don’t get used to it 

chicken run: you wound me 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Dabi: did you want to maybe uh

Dabi: maybe

Dabi: fuck it do you want to come over some time? 

Dabi: natsuo’s place is a lot nicer than my old living areas 

Dabi: if you want

Dabi: you don’t have to 

Hawks: for sure 

Hawks: just let me know when and ill see you there dabs

Dabi: okay

hawks support group

chicken run: i think im pregnant 

judy hopps: sometimes i want to roundhouse kick you

chicken run: yeah that’s fair 

Chapter Text

keeping up with the todorokis 

dabert: natsuo im kicking you out

mall santa: ???

mall santa: what in the fuck

dabert: hawks is coming over

mall santa: oh fuck no you are NOT fucking in my apartment 

mall santa: you can take that to his place but my apartment is a holy space 

dabert: ok first of all no it’s absolutely not

dabert: second how tf do you think im gonna get to fukuoka with $2.57

dabert: thirdly that’s not what he’s coming over for so fuck u

walmart zuko: some day ur gonna give us context but ig today’s not that day

mall santa: did you consider you’re going to need to clean your room

dabert: what’s wrong with my room

mall santa: i found an empty bottle of ketchup in your bed

dabert: again what is wrong with my room

walmart zuko: damn, bitch, you live like this?

dabert: this is bullying

mall santa: so what did you say to convince hawks to visit our humble abode?

dabert: i said

dabert: wanna come over 

mall santa: ...

mall santa: and you’re sure this isn’t a booty call

dabert: yeah? i know i have commitment issues but im working on it damn

mall santa: and you’re sure hawks knows this isn’t a booty call?

dabert: ...no

dabert: brb walking off a bridge 

dabert: what if he’s only talking to me because he thinks it’s just being fuckbuddies again

dabert: i have made a Mistake

mall santa: okay now hold on

dabert: i can never talk to him again

dabert: im not worthy of Love

mall santa: pls it’s 9 in the morning i can’t do this rn

walmart zuko: i don’t know what’s going on and at this point I’m afraid to ask

dabert: well it all started when i was born,

walmart zuko: nvm I don’t care

dabert: rude 

mall santa: just take him out or something idk

mall santa: date his ass

dabert: wait no that’s scary

mall santa: ??

dabert: i will now cease to exist

mall santa: u know what i hope you do

dabert: ouch

keeping up with the todorokis 

walmart zuko: I forgot my hero costume

teacher’s pet: ?

walmart zuko: it’s my first day of my work study and I forgot my hero costume

dabert: PFFT LMAO

walmart zuko: fuck you this is literally your fault you jinxed me

teacher’s pet: i stg

dabert: im sure hawks has a million of his spare hero costumes lying around you can have

walmart zuko: are you kidding me 

walmart zuko: im not walking around looking like a hawks cosplayer

dabert: im not seeing an issue here

walmart zuko: ffs

teacher’s pet: where did you leave it?

walmart zuko: UA

teacher’s pet: and where are you now

walmart zuko: fukuoka

dabert: lmaooo

teacher’s pet: touya why don’t you be a good brother and go pick up shouto’s hero costume for him?

dabert: i’ll pass

teacher’s pet: touya :)

dabert: UGH

dabert: fine 

dabert: i hate this family 

teacher’s pet: we love you!

dabert: no you don’t 

keeping up with the todorokis

walmart zuko: hey so hawks just yeeted out of the window after receiving a phone call should I be worried 

teacher’s pet: probably 

keeping up with the todorokis

mall santa: alright so who wants to tell me why touya was at UA

mall santa: because i just had to go down there since they had arrested him and every god damn hero in the country was there

teacher’s pet: he was just getting shouto’s costume

mall santa: consider this: he has literally attacked UA students on multiple occasions

mall santa: can you now see why sending an ex major criminal to UA may have not been the smartest idea

walmart zuko: did he get my costume at least

mall santa: no shouto he didn’t make it past the gates

mall santa: even hawks is down here

walmart zuko: can you tell hawks to bring my costume back with him

mall santa: your brother literally got attacked by your school

walmart zuko: I just want my costume

mall santa: sigh

keeping up with the todorokis

dabert: fuck y’all

dabert: i got arrested and I didn’t even do anything this time

teacher’s pet: what happened??

dabert: i showed up at the front of the school about to like knock and come in or whatever and I get swarmed by heroes

dabert: and then as if to rub it in when I’m standing there surrounded and with quirk blocking cuffs on

dabert: hawks shows up

dabert: I have been humiliated 

dabert: all for shouto’s costume

teacher’s pet: im so sorry touya :(

dabert: it’s fine hawks made them uncuff me 

dabert: I do get why they’d freak out seeing me show up unannounced at their school considering my history 

mall santa: at least you got to see hawks 

dabert: now why would you say this to me

teacher’s pet: was it awkward?

dabert: sort of

dabert: this is gonna sound weird but I sort of miss when I was a villain and he was undercover 

teacher’s pet: why’s that?

dabert: life was so complicated that it was simple

dabert: we didn’t have think about relationships and public image and life and whatever 

dabert: it was just an unspoken mutual understanding

walmart zuko: damn u using big words n shit

dabert: can you not interrupt for 2 god damn seconds 

dabert: problem child

walmart zuko: 

dabert: so what I’m trying to say is I have commitment and abandonment issues at the same time

teacher’s pet: hey I mean at least therapy is making you aware of it

dabert: how do you know I didn’t become aware of it on my own

teacher’s pet: touya please let’s be honest with ourselves here,

dabert: okay damn ouch

dabert: ur right though

dabert: why is Talking about things so difficult

walmart zuko: probably trauma

dabert: probably trauma

hawks support group

chicken run: saw dabi today <3

knockoff elsa: jesus christ

chicken run: sue me 

judy hopps: at this point I might

chicken run: rude

chicken run: fr tho he’s hot

judy hopps: it’s almost like he has a fire quirk

chicken run: i don’t need this sass rn

chicken run: they were pretty awful to him today though ngl i had to threaten some people

judy hopps: didn’t he show up at UA?

chicken run: yeah to get his younger brother’s hero costume that he forgot to bring to fukuoka

chicken run: isn’t he just perfect boyfriend material

judy hopps: didn’t he like attack his brother multiple times

chicken run: i can’t read 

judy hopps: you have questionable taste

knockoff elsa: damn that’s my brother 

judy hopps: sorry babe 

knockoff elsa: you’re right though

chicken run: my taste is exquisite 

chicken run: I like my men to be like me

knockoff elsa: ?

chicken run: with way too much trauma 

judy hopps: yeah that sounds unhealthy

chicken run: if we both have trauma it cancels out cause pemdas

judy hopps: uh,

knockoff elsa: don’t question it 

keeping up with the todorokis 

walmart zuko: hey guys im moving to brazil

mall santa: care to add context

walmart zuko: no

mall santa: do it or im gonna post your conspiracy videos

walmart zuko: why would you threaten me like that

walmart zuko: so you know how i have to stay in fukuoka for a bit 

mall santa: noo i just assumed you were gonna commute 5 hours and pay for the shinkansen every single day

walmart zuko: hold on writing that down

walmart zuko: I can charge that to dads credit card

mall santa: nice

walmart zuko: anyway so i don’t know how to explain this better but now me and Midoriya are roommates

dabert: oh my god they were roommates

mall santa: now how tf do you know vine references

dabert: i have told you this before, i have a lot of free time

walmart zuko: back to me

walmart zuko: it gets worse 

walmart zuko: there’s only one bed

dabert: ...

dabert: LMAO

mall santa: there was only one bed...

walmart zuko: how does hawks own this big ass agency and only have 1 room with 1 bed in it for us 

mall santa: who’s gonna tell him

dabert: nobody say anything 

walmart zuko: fuck u guys 

walmart zuko: what do i do

walmart zuko: midoriya is a sleep cuddler

dabert: why is that not surprising

mall santa: and how did you discover this

walmart zuko: I suddenly can’t read 

walmart zuko: fr though what do I do

walmart zuko: he has abs and he’s a cuddler im done for

mall santa: you have abs 

walmart zuko: this isn’t about me this is about midoriya

walmart zuko: im getting on the next train back to shizuoka

dabert: oh my god just sleep in the bed 

walmart zuko: what if i don’t 

dabert: then you miss your one opportunity at living the y/n life

walmart zuko: the what

mall santa: yeah I’m starting to see what you mean by too much free time

mall santa: you need a hobby man

dabert: this isn’t about me thanks

walmart zuko: maybe ill become a villain so he has to arrest me

dabert: can confirm that’s how it works

mall santa: touya stop being a bad influence for 20 seconds challenge 

dabert: can’t have shit in this family

walmart zuko: guess this is how I die

dabert: oh my god you drama queen just sleep on the floor if it bothers you that much

walmart zuko: no i will be sleeping in the bed

walmart zuko: I am merely accepting that I may not wake up 

walmart zuko: whether i die of my thoughts or from midoriya’s death grip, we shall find out 

dabert: if you say no homo before u go to sleep ur thoughts can’t get u

mall santa: i rlly hate this family sometimes

-l

keeping up with the todorokis  

walmart zuko: guys 

dabert: it’s 3am

dabert: why are you awake

walmart zuko: I could ask you the same 

dabert: or you could not

walmart zuko: anyway

walmart zuko: midoriya literally is wearing an all might onesie

dabert: why is this important 

walmart zuko: because i thought him being hot was going to be the problem

walmart zuko: i didn’t account for him being cute 

dabert: ur like 8 years younger than me so this conversation feels highly illegal

walmart zuko: so does knowing ur sort of boss fucked ur brother but i guess we all have to live with these things don’t we 

dabert: 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Dabi: shouto was mean to me so can you do a bit more matchmaking thanks

Hawks: I did not read this 

keeping up with the todorokis 

walmart zuko: tell me why hawks decided it would be a good idea to have midoriya and I analyse each other’s quirks 

walmart zuko: how am i supposed to sit here, feigning heterosexuality while he goes full midoriya about me to my face 

mall santa: i don’t know what this means and im too afraid to ask

teacher’s pet: did you not already tell him you were gay

walmart zuko: idk he probably forgot

mall santa: now how are you gonna say that as if it doesn’t sound stupid 

walmart zuko: silence old man

mall santa: im the second youngest in this family 

walmart zuko: kind of wish shigaraki would just disintegrate me 

dabert: i can arrange that for you

teacher’s pet: please don’t 

dabert: can’t have shit in this family 

keeping up with the todorokis 

walmart zuko: night 2 of sleeping in the same bed as midoriya

walmart zuko: unsure if i will make it out alive 

walmart zuko: he is wearing another all might onesie

walmart zuko: I want to die but only if it’s for him

teacher’s pet: aw

dabert: ew 

dabert: this is disgusting 

teacher’s pet: you can’t argue about this

dabert: first of all never insinuate that im that sappy, or im becoming a villain again to maintain my image 

teacher’s pet: second?

dabert: idk i didn’t think that far 

walmart zuko: I wish to ascend 

dabert: ur descending but okay

walmart zuko: ok felon

dabert: it’s true but ouch

walmart zuko: oh my god he’s hugging me 

dabert: lmao have fun

walmart zuko: please help me

dabert: or what

walmart zuko: im going to die 

dabert: then perish

Chapter Text

hawks support group

chicken run: dabi invited me over <3

judy hopps: jesus fuck your standards are low 

chicken run: no listen that’s big for him!! im proud of him!!

judy hopps: whatever you say man

knockoff elsa: he’s right that is big for him

knockoff elsa: you guys are perfect for each other 

chicken run: awww fuyumi

knockoff elsa: I meant that in a derogatory way 

chicken run: :( 

judy hopps: do you even have time to go over there?

chicken run: uh

chicken run: good question

chicken run: ill just get somebody to cover for me

chicken run: or go really late I guess

judy hopps: more work for the interns 

judy hopps: oh you should totally get midoriya and shouto to do all your paperwork for you

chicken run: i mean yeah but why

judy hopps: hear me out okay

judy hopps: midoriya

judy hopps: shouto

judy hopps: stuck in an office all day

judy hopps: with a boring, mundane task

chicken run: im not following

judy hopps: ofc you’re not because you’re a dumb twink

chicken run: :( hey

chicken run: :( im a smart twink

judy hopps: okay im gonna give you a situation so listen carefully 

judy hopps: you and dabi

judy hopps: in a room together all day

judy hopps: would you rather do paperwork, or would you rather do dabi

chicken run: ...

chicken run: dabi

judy hopps: point proven?

chicken run: ...point proven

knockoff elsa: i don’t know how I feel about this discussion regarding both of my brothers love lives 

chicken run: to be fair midoriya and shouto are Children so hopefully they would just get their shit together a little bit?

knockoff elsa: you put way too much faith in the capability of the todoroki family’s second biggest idiot

chicken run: second biggest??

chicken run: who’s the first

knockoff elsa: really

knockoff elsa: think for a moment now 

chicken run: i feel like i should defend his honour but at the same time,,

knockoff elsa: i understand no further comments needed

chicken run: thank u

chicken run: anyway so dabi <3

knockoff elsa: my cue to leave 

judy hopps: please don’t leave me with him 

knockoff elsa: sorry babe 

judy hopps: I want a divorce 

chicken run: fuck you guys :(

chicken run: this is my support group you’re meant to support me 

judy hopps: sorry i can’t condone this blatant twinkery

chicken run: this what- 

judy hopps: you heard me 

chicken run: whatever i guess ill just go wallow in my own self misery

judy hopps: that’s an odd way to spell text dabi

chicken run: im running away from home 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Hawks: hey dabs

Hawks: im gonna be in musutafu next week

Dabi: why’s that

Hawks: because uh

Hawks: work

Dabi: im gonna be in musutafu too 

Hawks: don’t you live there..?

Dabi: uh

Dabi: i might

Hawks: right right

Hawks: did you wanna meet up some time?

Hawks: would be nice to just be with you without having to hide anymore 

keeping up with the todorokis 

dabert: hello yes this is this 119 i need an ambulance 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Dabi: im sure i could make time

Hawks: oh it’s alright if you’re busy

Dabi: wait no i do nothing all day 

Hawks: right 

Hawks: i’ll send you the location when im there then

Hawks: like old times

Dabi: pretty sure in ‘old times’ i sent you the locations but ok

Hawks: yeah well we also existed only in abandoned warehouses and back alleys and communicated with burner phones so

Dabi: touché 

Dabi: ill see you around then 

Hawks: yeah, see you around hot stuff 

keeping up with the todorokis  

dabert: so im going into cardiac arrest

mall santa: what did hawks say

dabert: wow rude to assume it was hawks and not just an unrelated coincidence with absolutely no correlation whatsoever 

mall santa: touya 

dabert: okay damn it was hawks 

dabert: we’re meeting up when he comes to musutafu next for hero shit

mall santa: oooooo

mall santa: touya’s got a date y’all

teacher’s pet: touya’s got a date??

walmart zuko: ew 

walmart zuko: is this why hawks has been glued to his phone the past 20 minutes 

dabert: id like to disrespectfully disagree 

walmart zuko: don’t you mean respectfully 

dabert: you read my words i meant what i said 

dabert: anyways this is perfectly normal and nothing to be excited about 

teacher’s pet: sure jan

keeping up with the todorokis  

walmart zuko: SOS

dabert: y’all hear something?

walmart zuko: HELP

dabert: is that the wind?

teacher’s pet: don’t tell me this is about your hero costume again 

walmart zuko: ouch no

walmart zuko: i packed it, im on the shinkansen back since I still have to go to school and shit 

mall santa: then what’s the issue 

walmart zuko: midoriya

mall santa: elaborate 

walmart zuko: midoriya is asleep on my shoulder and he looks like an angel 

mall santa: how is this a problem 

walmart zuko: because I’m going to Pass Away

dabert: just be Cool

walmart zuko: you’re the last person who can tell me that

dabert: touché 

walmart zuko: our stop is coming up what do I do

mall santa: get off??

walmart zuko: but then i have to move him 

mall santa: so ur whipped 

walmart zuko: leave me alone im fragile

mall santa: im not picking you up if you end up at some random station half way across the country because you couldn’t wake up your boyfriend 

walmart zuko: first, he is not my boyfriend 

dabert: yet

walmart zuko: second, too late 

mall santa: oh my god 

private chat between Hawks and Dabi

Hawks: [location sent]

Hawks: meet me there at 4? :)

keeping up with the todorokis  

dabert: guys it’s happening 

dabert: oh my god it’s happening

dabert: send help what do I do

teacher’s pet: ??

mall santa: is this your date with hawks 

dabert: it is not a date

mall santa: so it’s a date

dabert: ANYWAY

dabert: im meeting hawks 

dabert: alone

dabert: what do I do

teacher’s pet: didn’t you used to meet him constantly?? 

dabert: that’s Different 

mall santa: how was it different 

dabert: for one i was committing crimes, 

mall santa: nvm you’re right please don’t continue 

dabert: two we had a sexual tension straight out of 150k words enemies to lovers fanfics

mall santa: yeah you definitely need a hobby

teacher’s pet: anyway,

teacher’s pet: just be cool touya 

teacher’s pet: he’s the same hawks you’ve always known 

teacher’s pet: excluding the short period of time where he was pretending to be a criminal but apart from that, 

dabert: ur literally not helping 

teacher’s pet: just don’t freak out 

dabert: please I never freak out 

Dabi was freaking out. So far he’d tried on five out of the five pairs of pants he owned, and successfully decided he hated all of them. He had no idea what to wear on top either, and at this point he was going naked or not at all. Life was just so much easier when you had an excuse to only own two outfits. Too bad his excuse expired two years ago. 

A loud knock at the door of the bedroom just about had him jumping out of his skin, which mind you was still fragile and really didn’t need to deal with this, thank you very much.  “Dude, I can hear you panicking from two rooms over. I’ve got lectures, man.” Natsuo’s broad figure loomed through a crack in the door, and honestly, fuck that guy for being that huge when Dabi was older. It was just rude. 

He kicked a few of the discarded pairs of pants out of the way, into a lovely pile in amongst the rest of his floordrobe, with a loud huff. “My bad, doc, but I’m having a crisis here.” He shot his brother a pointed look, motioning at the lack of clothing he currently owned. “And I think it’s more important.”

His pointed look was only returned with a more pointedly flat expression. “All your clothes look exactly the same. Just wear them.” He considered responding, or attempting to somewhat convey the offence he had very much just taken to that comment, but the 4 pairs of black pants and the singular pair of deep navy pants directly behind him urged him to shut his mouth. Maybe Natsuo did have a point, for once. 

Sighing, Dabi shooed Natsuo away with a few flicks of his hand. After the door clicked shut, he turned back to face pile of dark clothes that lay at his feet. After a moment, he decided fuck it, who cares, right? If Hawks was into him when he was literally a villain, and also covered in horrific burns, then clothing had to be the least of his concerns. 

With his newfound confidence, Dabi yanked on some pants and a shirt, as well as a hoodie to cover up most of the scars (sue him for being self conscious sometimes, okay?) and decidedly did not look in the mirror on his way out, his exit somewhat hurried as to not face any criticism from Natsuo. 

He soon realised the location Hawks had sent him led to a downtown KFC, and honestly, he wasn’t even surprised. Dabi guessed some things never really did change. To this day he still wasn’t convinced the hero’s chicken obsession wasn’t some kind of fucked up form of cannibalism. But hey, each to their own. 

He would admit there was some form of peacefulness that came with venturing out into the open streets during broad daylight, instead of slinking around in back alleys and abandoned buildings under night’s watchful gaze. Of course, the stares and occasional crying child weren’t great, but he did his best not to tell said crying children where he’d stick his foot if they’d didn’t shut up. Most of the time he had the restraint. Most. 

It wasn’t long before he finally reached the KFC, and if anybody asked, he’d tell them that no, his heart definitely wasn’t pounding in his chest as he laid eyes on a certain hero in an ever so familiar flight suit. His heart also definitely didn’t drop to his stomach as he realised said hero was surrounded by children asking for autographs whilst the blonde chowed down on a sizeable bucket of what he assumed was fried chicken.

As he warily approached the hero, a few of the children turned to cast him wide, fearful glances, and did he mention he hated children sometimes? Because this was one of those times. 

Hawks’ gaze flicked up from where he was scribbling a signature on some kid’s notebook, and he was almost sure he saw the golden eyes light up as they met his own, but maybe he was just imagining it. Maybe he was also imagining his impending heart attack. Yeah, that had to be it.

“Hey, Dabs!” Hawks immediately raised from his sitting position, hurriedly discarding the near empty chicken bucket as if he hadn’t already seen it anyway. Dabi gave him a weak smile which he hoped didn’t convey the sheer panic he was feeling at seeing the other man in person for the first time in two years. He shot a what he hoped was an obvious glance down at the crowd of children that lay between them, praying Hawks would get the message. 

Hawks blinked at him for a moment, before his mouth curved into a small ‘o’ shape in realisation. “Hey, guys!” The blonde whispered a little too loudly, bending down so that he was eye level with the bottom feeders. “I’m meeting with an old friend now, so head back to your families, and tell them I said hi, okay?” They all nodded and began shuffling off as Hawks sent them his signature hero grin, which totally didn’t send Dabi into near cardiac arrest. And yes, he was ashamed of he man he was becoming. Maybe he’d donate his heart to science after today. 

Contrary to his expectations, Hawks didn’t beckon Dabi to sit down with him, and instead motioned for him to follow his lead down the sidewalk away from the building. He couldn’t say he wasn’t grateful to be rid of the stench of greasy, deep fried chicken. 

They walked in a heavy silence for a few moments, save of course for the background noise of downtown, until the situation finally hit him. “Hey, birdbrain, did you seriously invite me on your afternoon patrol?” He fixed Hawks with a pointedly unimpressed stare, simply for the sake of it. 

The other man raised a hand to run through his hair as he returned Dabi a sheepish grin. “Ah, I wish I could say no, but duty calls, I guess?” 

Dabi rolled his eyes, shrugging noncommittally. “Thought I told you two years ago you wouldn’t make a hero of me, chicken.” Hawks gave a small huff of laughter at the nickname, causing him to let a small smile break onto his expression which he couldn’t quite repress. 

“Relax,” Hawks chuckled softly, and god what he wouldn’t give to hear that sound just once again. Wait, no, he didn’t think that. Could his brain just shut up for once? He was really losing his touch. “I’m not gonna convert you, edgelord.” 

As they continued down the large street, Dabi became more aware of the stares they were receiving with each passing second. He supposed they were an odd sight, Japan’s top hero and a rehabilitating top villain. He found himself chucking at the thought. Life worked in odd ways, Dabi supposed. 

The patrol continued what he assumed was smoothly, with no villainy and the occasional signature or picture for a fan. In fact, he was almost surprised at how well it was going, all things considered. 

“So this is the number one hero life?” Dabi hummed, sending a sideways glance at Hawks who was waving at a young girl. “Getting paid the big bucks for a few hours of fan service?” He almost laughed at the way Hawks’ lips turned to a small pout. “Maybe I should sign up next time they’re holding auditions.” 

The other man rolled his eyes with a gentle laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “I feel like you of all people should know it’s a lot more than that. I didn’t spent six months in and out of back alleyways and abandoned warehouses during your ungodly office hours to be written off as fan service, thank you.”

“Damn, is that why I didn’t get an autograph?” Dabi faked a loud sigh, shoulders slumping dramatically. “You got plenty of other shit, asshole.” The blonde huffed when Dabi wiggled his eyebrows in mock suggestiveness in return. 

The past two years had treated Hawks well, he soon noticed after gazing at the other man for what was probably a bit too long to go undetected. His hair was cut shorter with an undercut yet still swept back in his typical perfectly styled mess, and his body had grown leaner and slightly more muscular. Damn, he was fucked, wasn’t he?

“Checking me out, Dabs?” Hawks mused. Of course he’d noticed, damn it. Dabi rolled his eyes with a huff, “Nah, just thinking about how you look like a chicken.” That one earned him an offended gasp, which he grinned upon hearing. 

When Dabi’s gaze returned from it’s position on Hawks, he noticed gentle streaks of orange and pink beginning to lace the horizon. The streets, he realised too, were noticeably more empty. He must’ve been distracted. “When’s your patrol finished, birdie?” 

The other man returned him a shrug. “Like 20 minutes ago.” He mumbled sheepishly. Dabi raised an eyebrow. “So you’ve been dragging me around for no reason, then?”

A look of panic followed by guilt crossed Hawks’ face, and Dabi almost felt bad for toying with him. “I’m kidding, birdie.” He hummed, Hawks’ shoulders then relaxing. He pondered asking the other man back to the apartment for a moment. Would Hawks think he was just trying to fuck? Or would he outright say no? Did he he even want to? Dabi felt panic begin to rise in his chest. 

“You should-“ Dabi began, his breath hitching slightly. There goes his badass aura, then. “You should come back to the apartment. With me. If you want.” He mentally slapped himself for sounding so pathetic. How did he even do this two years ago? 

“Is Natsuo okay with it?” Hawks’ reply snapped him out of his momentary panic. Right, of course, he hadn’t even thought to ask Natsuo. “Oh, yeah, he’s totally fine with it. Don’t even worry.” Natsuo was definitely not fine with it. He was so getting his ass frozen when all of this was over. 

“Lead the way, then, Dabs.” A bright smile radiated from Hawks’ face, and Dabi prayed to whatever was above that his expression didn’t portray the pounding of his heart. 

keeping up with the todorokis 

dabert: natsu get out of the apartment 

dabert: like rn

dabert: do not ruin this for me

mall santa: oh FUCK no 

Chapter Text

keeping up with the todorokis 

teacher’s pet: so any updates?

mall santa: yes my home has been invaded and i am hiding in my bedroom 

mall santa: currently ordering sound muffling headphones with same day shipping 

teacher’s pet: they fucking?

mall santa: well no

mall santa: but i wouldn’t put it past them

walmart zuko: what are they even doing then

mall santa: i don’t know i said hi to hawks and then booked it out of there 

walmart zuko: boo you’re not fun

mall santa: okay ouch

teacher’s pet: what use are you if you won’t provide us any updates 

mall santa: okay OUCH

dabert: can y’all shut the fuck up

teacher’s pet: touya!

teacher’s pet: what are you up to?

dabert: tf do you mean

teacher’s pet: what are you doing with hawks 

dabert: why does this feel like an interrogation 

teacher’s pet: because it is

teacher’s pet: now tell us 

dabert: no

teacher’s pet: come on touya share with the class :)

dabert: you terrify me

dabert: we’re just...

dabert: what’s the word

dabert: t

dabert: talking

mall santa: omg he said his first words get the camera 

dabert: i will burn your house down

mall santa: ok but you’ll be homeless then ?

dabert: …shit okay you have a point

walmart zuko: no he’ll just go live with hawks because he’s in l o v e

dabert: im burning your school down now idc they can send me back to prison it’d be worth it 

teacher’s pet: please don’t do that touya 

mall santa: better than my apartment 

teacher’s pet: is it really 

teacher’s pet: those kids have been through enough

mall santa: so have i

mall santa: you don’t have to deal with his emo pining ass every day moping in your kitchen because his stupid bird boyfriend didn’t text him back 

walmart zuko: lmaoo

mall santa: it’s painful

teacher’s pet: touya give us updates we’re waiting 

mall santa: i think he died 

mall santa: he should have been threatening to cook me after what I said 

walmart zuko: he’s too busy cuddling hawks 

teacher’s pet: you think so?? 

walmart zuko: no I know 

walmart zuko: hawks has been tweeting about the entire thing 

dabert: he WHAT

mall santa: there he is 

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 3h

so my therapist was right, love IS real 

not from zootopia @officialmiruko • 3h

replying to @officialhawks

hawks not being horny on main?? we love to see it

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 3h

replying to @officialmiruko

my heart has a giant boner 

not from zootopia @officialmiruko • 3h 

replying to @officialhawks

i hope it goes flaccid 

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 3h

replying to @officialmiruko 

:( 

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 2h

discovered today that eye contact can in fact be a kink

calamari @iphonecharger • 2h

replying to @officialhawks 

@smallmight can you psychoanalyse this 

all might is not my dad @smallmight • 2h

replying to @iphonecharger

Pro Hero Hawks’ comment regarding ‘eye contact’ and it’s likening to sexual pleasure or ‘kink’ likely inferences that such a display may have been absent within his childhood, a time period of crucial development where… [1/54] 

all might is not my dad @smallmight • 1h

replying to @smallmight 

henceforth, it can be inferred from this tweet that Pro Hero Hawks was not shown typical parental attention in his childhood and as a response to this trauma, has affiliated such minor displays of attention with sexual attraction. [54/54]

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 1h

replying to @smallmight 

delete this before my therapist sees it 

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 30m

y’all ever been cuddled by a man you have a very blurry and undefined relationship with who could also kill you if he really wanted?? 10/10 would recommend 

not from zootopia @officialmiruko • 25m

replying to @officialhawks

actually no because some of us make good life choices 

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 20m

replying to @officialmiruko

sorry not all of us can be perfect 

not from zootopia @officialmiruko • 15m

replying to @officialhawks

you heard it here first: Number 1 Hero Hawks admits to being Not Perfect 

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 10m

replying to @officialmiruko

god knew id be too strong so he made me weak for men who look like burnt chicken nuggets 

i hate endeavor @endeavorsucks69 • 2m

replying to @officialhawks 

ok and you look like a pigeon but you don’t hear me announcing it on Twitter 

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 1m

replying to @endeavorsucks69 

dabs???? 

keeping up with the todorokis 

dabert: help I didn’t realise I was still logged into my endeavor hate page 

bird rights advocate @officialhawks 

was anyone going to tell me that the man i have a very complicated relationship with runs the country’s biggest endeavor hate page or was i supposed to find that out myself from him using it to call me a pigeon. 

i hate endeavor @endeavorsucks69  

replying to @officialhawks 

stop tweeting about me when im right next to you 

calamari @iphonecharger

currently taking guesses for who Hawks’ Endeavor hating boo is

todoroki shouto @todorokishouto   

replying to @iphonecharger

it’s dabi 

calamari @iphonecharger 

@endeavorsucks69 are you dabi

i hate endeavor @endeavorsucks69

replying to @iphonecharger

no

calamari @iphonecharger 

replying to @endeavorsucks69

@todorokishouto what the heck todoroki

bird rights advocate @officialhawks

have you ever been snaked by a friend then just for the clout they’ll do it again 

not from zootopia @officialmiruko  

replying to @officialhawks

what is this 

i hate endeavor @endeavorsucks69 

replying to @officialhawks

if you’re gonna ignore me can you not indirect me on Twitter 

“I can’t believe you have a Twitter.” Dabi heard Hawks mutter under his breath from the other side of the couch, as if he couldn’t hear him from a foot away. The blonde was curled up with his head resting on the armrest, hero costume (save for his shirt, as it had the holes for his wings) discarded in favour of a pair of Dabi’s sweatpants which were ever so slightly oversized on him. Hawks was a shortass, after all. The screen of the phone he clutched, which no doubt was displaying Twitter at this moment, illuminated Hawks’ features in the dimly lit room. 

“I thought you were ignoring me, birdbrain.” His comment earned him a sharp glare, though there was no real malice behind it. Dabi almost shuddered at the memory of Hawks’ real glares. Downright villainous, they were, and that was coming from him. An actual villain. 

Hawks merely returned his gaze to the phone screen, his bottom lip jutting out ever so slightly. Dabi scowled, reaching a hand over to snatch the stupid phone out of his hands, ignoring the screech of protest that followed. “If you’re worried I’m gonna see all your thirst tweets, you can relax, idiot. I have better things to do than stalk your Twitter.” He purposefully didn’t mention that said ‘better things’ were following roughly 23 Hawks thirst pages. It didn’t matter, it was a small detail.

“My Twitter not good enough for you, or something?” Hawks laughed, scooting over on the couch towards Dabi. “Gimme my phone back, my followers need me.” He froze as Hawks leaned in closer towards him, reaching a toned arm to where Dabi held the phone to his chest. 

For a mere moment, sharp gold met violent blue, and Dabi swore to whatever was above that if this shit didn’t stop happening to his heart, he was gonna commit more arson. Out of sheer panic, Dabi lobbed the phone towards Hawks. Real fucking smooth, Dabi. 

Hawks fell backwards as the phone collided with his face, and Dabi almost didn’t laugh. Almost. “What the fuck, man!” He snickered amusedly at Hawks’ outburst. “Well, you wanted your phone, I gave it to you.” He shrugged. Nice going, totally covered up the gay panic. Nobody had to know. 

The blonde without a word curled back up in the corner of the couch, typing away on the phone while sending Dabi a glare every few seconds. 

bird rights advocate @officialhawks

i am a victim of a hate crime 

“You’re about to be a victim of an arson if you don’t get off Twitter.” Dabi huffed, sending a side glance towards the overgrown chicken on his (read: Natsuo’s) couch, who merely poked his tongue out in return. “I’ll put you in jail, man, don’t try me.” 

The air between them suddenly felt too thick, and Dabi didn’t miss the way the hero gulped nervously as he waited for a reply. 

“I’d like to see you try, pretty bird.” He hummed gently, and Hawks’ shoulders slowly dropped from their high strung, tense position. “I’ve put a bit more meat on my bones since we last fought.” It didn’t matter that he’d only gained like, 5 pounds. Someone had to be the scrawny sibling around here, and it certainly wasn’t fucking Natsuo. 

Hawks’ soft laugh danced around Dabi’s ears, and he found himself unable to hold back the gentle smile tugging at his lips. Something about the slightly violent banter between them had him reminiscing of their days as villain and shit hero spy. He missed the times of teasing Hawks about his hero status, blissfully unaware that he was only seeing the tip of the iceberg that was Hawks’ story. 

A part of him also missed watching the overgrown bird interacting with the League, clearly terrified of Toga and attempting to navigate the enigma that was Shigaraki’s personality. Over his dead body would he admit that to Hawks, or any of those fuckers either. Luckily he legally couldn’t associate with them until his stupid corrections order was up. He’d figure out of to be a functioning member of society by then.

“I should get going.” Hawks sighed, breaking Dabi out of his nostalgic thoughts. He tried not to let his frown show; there was no way he’d let this dumb bird know he would miss him. Just the thought was enough to make him puke. He was really losing his edge these days, huh?

Dabi ran a slender hand through his hair, ignoring how the strands tugged at his staples, but definitely not missing the way Hawks’ eyes tracked the motion keenly. “Ah, that’s too bad, pretty bird.” He mused, as Hawks’ gaze tracked downwards to once again lock with his own.

“You’ll have to fly though, Natsuo says Mario Kart isn’t real driving experience.” 

The blonde deadpanned. “Thanks. I appreciate it.” 

“My corrections officer says driving unlicensed is a crime.” Dabi added. 

Hawks sighed. “Yes, I’m aware.”

“I falsely died before I could get a learner’s permit.”

“Oh my god, I get it! I’m going!” 

keeping up with the todorokis 

mall santa: is it safe to come out yet

mall santa: I heard banging 

teacher’s pet: you heard WHAT

teacher’s pet: touya that’s nasty at least let Natsuo out of the apartment before you do that

teacher’s pet: Hawks should know better than that too

mall santa: no no like

mall santa: thuds 

mall santa: like something hitting something 

teacher’s pet: i don’t know if that’s worse or not

teacher’s pet: touya I don’t want to know about your kinks

dabert: all i ever get is slandered in this chat huh

dabert: all you heard was hawks hitting his wings on everything on his way out 

dabert: the apartment isn’t ‘bird-proofed’ and apparently it’s my fault the windows don’t open fully 

mall santa: dear lord please tell me he didn’t break anything 

dabert: he didn’t break anything 

mall santa: I asked the lord not you

dabert: ouch

walmart zuko: did you guys fuck

teacher’s pet: language 

dabert: jesus shouto you’re a child 

walmart zuko: actually,

dabert: i don’t need to hear this again

dabert: we did not fuck

dabert: im being Romantic now

mall santa: pretty sure you guys just awkwardly cuddled and sorta flirted for two hours but ok

dabert: nobody asked for your input 

mall santa: i simply state facts I have no political agenda 

dabert: sure jan

walmart zuko: ok well the whole agency has bets on when you’re gonna bang and i just lost so thanks a lot 

dabert: excuse me 

walmart zuko: why couldn’t you be dysfunctional like you used to be

dabert: im scared shouto sounds like the voices in my head 

walmart zuko: listen to them 

i hate endeavor @endeavorsucks69 • 6yrs

i hate endeavor

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 1m 

replying to @endeavorsucks69

this makes a lot more sense now 

i hate endeavor @endeavorsucks69 • 1m

replying to @officialhawks

stop stalking my Twitter 

bird rights advocate @officialhawks • 0m 

replying to @endeavorsucks69

what are you gonna do? call the heroes? that’s me 

i hate endeavor @endeavorsucks69 • 0m

replying to @officialhawks

bitch maybe 

not from zootopia @officialmiruko • 0m

replying to @endeavorsucks69

i can’t tell if you guys are flirting or fighting, but please shut up

respectfully,

everyone 

Chapter Text

keeping up with the todorokis 

walmart zuko: what is a hogwarts house and why did midoriya just ask which one im in

mall santa: id like to start off by saying that’s absolutely adorable 

mall santa: but id like to conclude with wtf do you mean you don’t know what a hogwarts house is

mall santa: have you never seen Harry Potter ??

walmart zuko: id like to remind everyone that i quite literally did not have a childhood 

mall santa: fuck i forget that sometimes 

walmart zuko: please help me this is harder than when he asked for my star sign 

dabert: your boyfriend sounds like he’s participating in witchcraft

walmart zuko: he’s not my boyfriend 

dabert: that’s the part you’re concerned about ??

mall santa: just go on pottermore and take the test and tell him whatever it tells you you’re in 

walmart zuko: there’s a test?

walmart zuko: i don’t have time to study for more tests

mall santa: i love u i really do

mall santa: you don’t have to study for it just answer the questions and it’ll tell you what house you’re in

walmart zuko: okay thanks natsuo

walmart zuko: the website crashed on me

walmart zuko: is this a sign

dabert: lmao shouto’s a muggle 

walmart zuko: i have no idea what that means but I’m assuming it’s an insult so fuck u

dabert: i think ur a slytherin

mall santa: no way

mall santa: shouto’s a gryffindor 

teacher’s pet: please allow me to insert myself into this conversation,

dabert: unallowed 

teacher’s pet: shouto is definitely a ravenclaw and im not taking criticism on this 

dabert: stop projecting you ravenclaw

teacher’s pet: so we’re just gonna ignore you being a slytherin

teacher’s pet: you snake 

dabert: shut up nerd 

mall santa: shouto why don’t you ask midoriya what he thinks you are

mall santa: im sure he’d put the required thought into that

teacher’s pet: he’s uninvited to the dinner if he doesn’t say ravenclaw

dabert: starting to think ur a slytherin yumi

teacher’s pet: how dare you 

teacher’s pet: take that back

dabert: oh? is there something wrong with slytherin? let me guess, you associate it with villainous intent and/or evil?

teacher’s pet: keep your trauma to yourself you snake he’s a ravenclaw

mall santa: now we don’t have time to unpack all of that

walmart zuko: midoriya says he doesn’t know that’s why he asked 

dabert: ugh

dabert: tell him if he doesn’t figure it out he’s uninvited to the dinner 

teacher’s pet: may i remind you, touya, that you too are uninvited from my dinner until you and hawks get your shit together?

dabert: what

dabert: I thought we had gotten our shit together

teacher’s pet: awkward flirting on natsuo’s couch is not getting your shit together 

dabert: come on that’s like 5th base for me 

mall santa: if that’s 5th base wtf is first

dabert: fucking 

mall santa: currently reserving my judgment 

dabert: thanks 

teacher’s pet: what house is hawks in

dabert: why would i know 

teacher’s pet: if you know what’s good for you you’ll ask him

dabert: okay damn 

private chat between pigeon and hot cheeto

hot cheeto: what’s your hogwarts house 

hot cheeto: please answer quickly I have a theoretical gun to my head 

pigeon: ????

pigeon: um

pigeon: ravenclaw

pigeon: are you okay

keeping up with the todorokis:

dabert: he said ravenclaw 

mall santa: damn i thought he’d be a gryffindor 

dabert: you think everyone is a gryffindor 

mall santa: that statement is false 

teacher’s pet: hawks is now invited to the dinner

dabert: what about me

teacher’s pet: you’re still not 

dabert: im surrounded by haters 

walmart zuko: are midoriya and i still invited 

teacher’s pet: of course 

dabert: this is literally discrimination and i won’t stand for it 

teacher’s pet: does it look to you like i care?

dabert: …

dabert: no

teacher’s pet: exactly 

keeping up with the todorokis 

walmart zuko: so which house is most compatible with gryffindor 

walmart zuko: asking for a friend 

mall santa: is there a reason you need to know 

walmart zuko: my friend wants to know if he’s compatible with this guy

dabert: and which friend would that be because I know for sure it’s not that exploding kid 

walmart zuko: just answer the question 

dabert: slytherin 

mall santa: just because you’re a living enemies to lovers trope doesn’t mean shouto has to be too

dabert: oh so you’re suggesting slytherins are inherently evil are you? and gryffindors are inherently good? I’ll have you know my enemies to lovers is actually with a ravenclaw so you can shove that up your ass 

mall santa: I don’t have time to unpack that

mall santa: shouto your ‘friend’ should know that Harry Potter houses don’t determine the compatibility of your relationship

mall santa: and your ‘friend’ should just ask midoriya out already 

walmart zuko: sorry i don’t do emotional investments 

mall santa: so we’re just gonna act like your whole work study didn’t happen?

walmart zuko: obviously 

walmart zuko: anyway thanks for nothing im gonna go study the harry potter franchise now bye 

mall santa: this entire family needs psychological evaluation 

private chat between pigeon and hot cheeto 

hot cheeto: what’s that explody kid’s name that I kidnapped that one time 

pigeon: uh

pigeon: bakugou?

hot cheeto: yeah can I get his number 

pigeon: okay legally i have to ask you why 

hot cheeto: im pretty sure you don’t 

pigeon: you are aware how this conversation sounds yes?

hot cheeto: no 

pigeon: ex villain requests the phone number of a high school student he once kidnapped 

hot cheeto: okay well when you put it like that

pigeon: so what’s the reason 

hot cheeto: ‘im trying to help my stupid brother get with his stupid crush’ doesn’t fit my image so im just gonna go with Crimes 

pigeon: I thought your brother liked midoriya??

pigeon: damn shouto collecting boys 

hot cheeto: he does

hot cheeto: but i can’t directly interfere or fuyumi would castrate me 

pigeon: uh,

hot cheeto: so im going through other means 

pigeon: you terrify me 

pigeon: I don’t have his number but i can ask Jeanist ? 

hot cheeto: yeah sure do whatever 

pigeon: okay give me a few minutes 

private chat between pigeon and hot cheeto 

pigeon: xxxx-xxx-xxx

hot cheeto: thanks birdie

private chat between Bakugou and unknown number 

unknown number: are you shouto’s friend 

Bakugou: absolutely not, who the fuck is this 

unknown number: that’s for me to know and you to find out 

Bakugou: you have 5 seconds to tell me who the fuck you are or I’m telling aizawa

unknown number: okay jesus fucking christ it’s dabi im shouto’s brother 

Bakugou: oh it’s just you

icyhot’s burnt brother: rude ass kid 

Bakugou: you don’t scare me 

icyhot’s burnt brother: i literally kidnapped you

Bakugou: my finger is hovering over aizawa’s number 

icyhot’s burnt brother: okay fuck alright 

Bakugou: what do you want 

icyhot’s burnt brother: so you know my brother, 

Bakugou: unfortunately 

icyhot’s burnt brother: lmao

icyhot’s burnt brother: so basically what im asking is that you help put me out of my misery so that i never have to listen to his god damn whining about your green friend ever again 

Bakugou: first of all stop referring to these people as my friends

icyhot’s burnt brother: i don’t care 

icyhot’s burnt brother: do we have a deal yes or no 

Bakugou: i have one condition 

icyhot’s burnt brother: ugh what come on kid im busy 

Bakugou: yeah i really don’t think you are 

Bakugou: anyway

Bakugou: be honest do you think they should let me have my hero name be Lord Explosion Murder God 

icyhot’s burnt brother: this is your question??

Bakugou: do you want my help or not you burnt bacon looking ass 

icyhot’s burnt brother: okay damn

icyhot’s burnt brother: I mean im not qualified to speak on hero names I was literally a villain 

icyhot’s burnt brother: but you know what

icyhot’s burnt brother: it’s pretty badass 

Bakugou: are you being honest because ill blow you up if you’re lying to me right now 

icyhot’s burnt brother: my alias literally means Cremation what do you want from me 

Bakugou: fair point 

Bakugou: I’ll help your cause 

icyhot’s burnt brother: good 

icyhot’s burnt brother: I will be in touch 

keeping up with the todorokis 

dabert: that blasty kid is fucking terrifying 

mall santa: aren’t you a full grown man?

mall santa: actually no you’re about to lose to shouto in the height race so im retracting that statement 

dabert: okay first of all, fuck you

dabert: some of us only got the bad genes off endeavor and turned out like a failed government experiment

mall santa: hey now, the government would have at least made you 5’10

dabert: that’s it im doing arson 

teacher’s pet: I can’t leave you guys alone for two minutes can I 

dabert: im taller than hawks

teacher’s pet: not if you count his wings

dabert: If you know how I feel, why would you say that? Like you put me in such an uncomfortable situation, like you know that I'm not happy, you know that I'm trying to see if it will work out here, and I know that it's not

mall santa: you need a day job 

dabert: see above 

dabert: besides why would I need a job if I can just leech off Hawks ? i get to exploit hero society AND get my bills paid

teacher’s pet: alright well there’s two things wrong with that sentence 

teacher’s pet: for one, you don’t pay bills you literally live with Natsuo

teacher’s pet: and two, as far as I’m aware you are STILL not with Hawks, so you aren’t leeching off anyone 

dabert: okay damn way to rub it in 

dabert: i have a full time job anyway

mall santa: right and what would that be 

dabert: being the hot and funny one of the family? 

walmart zuko: if by ‘hot’ you’re talking about your quirk then i guess so 

dabert: okay absolutely nobody asked for that comment so please take your negativity elsewhere 

walmart zuko: also, why were you talking to Bakugou? 

dabert: uh

dabert: crimes?

walmart zuko: right 

walmart zuko: anyway

walmart zuko: i actually measured 5’10 the other week so im taller than you now touya

dabert: hey siri how do i commit a crime without getting caught 

walmart zuko: and bakugou told me to tell you that you’re not scary 

dabert: ive lost my touch it’s not my fault 

dabert: it’s hard to be edgy when all of your friends are in jail still or not allowed to contact you 

walmart zuko: he said you weren’t scary with the league either 

dabert: oh that little fucker 

walmart zuko: he’s taller than you too

dabert: uh no last time I saw him I was taller 

walmart zuko: you last saw him 2 years ago

dabert: that means nothing 

walmart zuko: most of us don’t stop growing at 14 

dabert: okay Fuck you

dabert: i hope midoriya ignores you for a whole day

walmart zuko: no you don’t 

dabert: yes i do

walmart zuko: no you don’t 

dabert: can you please just let me be edgy my god 

walmart zuko: you play animal crossing all day in your room don’t try me 

dabert: what

dabert: no I don’t 

dabert: how do you know that 

walmart zuko: natsuo told me 

i hate endeavor @endeavorsucks69 • 0m

i also hate todoroki shouto and todoroki natsuo

Chapter Text

keeping up with the todorokis 

walmart zuko: hey guys 

walmart zuko: i passed my semester exams 

teacher’s pet: congrats shouto!!

mall santa: that’s amazing shou 

dabert: nice 

dabert: does this mean you passed m*th

walmart zuko: yes it does

dabert: damn u might actually be my hero

walmart zuko: i have a dilemma though 

teacher’s pet: what’s wrong? 

walmart zuko: there’s not school until next semester 

dabert: is that not a good thing 

walmart zuko: okay nobody can make fun of me if i say why

dabert: thats entirely dependent on whatever you say next, proceed at your own risk

teacher’s pet: touya

dabert: ugh fine 

walmart zuko: I won’t see midoriya until next semester 

dabert: ew

walmart zuko: fuyumi

teacher’s pet: touya 

dabert: ugh you guys are no fun 

teacher’s pet: why don’t you just ask him to hang out? it’s not like you or him are doing anything anyway 

teacher’s pet: actually knowing him he’ll be doing something stupid so please hang out with him for safety reasons 

dabert: two idiots don’t cancel each other out last time I checked 

walmart zuko: neither do 7 yet the league still tried it

dabert: okay first of all you’re right but i have dubious morals so watch yourself 

teacher’s pet: dubious?

dabert: sorry

dabert: i have very loose morals

teacher’s pet: that’s not what i meant 

dabert: so you want me to lie?

teacher’s pet: point taken 

teacher’s pet: shouto just text him 

dabert: ask him on a date

dabert: and make it clear it’s a date 

teacher’s pet: don’t end up like touya 

dabert: good advice but still rude 

walmart zuko: and why would I do that

walmart zuko: are you trying to kill me?

dabert: i mean,

walmart zuko: everybody knows asking your only friend to date you is a recipe for disaster 

dabert: that’s not true 

walmart zuko: you’re not qualified to be my advisor 

dabert: harsh

teacher’s pet: come on shouto, what if you never do it and end up regretting it?

walmart zuko: what if i do it and end up regretting it? either way it’s a bad idea so I think I’ll just self implode if that’s okay with everyone 

dabert: this is kind of making my heart hurt and I don’t like it 

walmart zuko: i’ll consider it but im blaming you guys if anything at all goes wrong 

teacher’s pet: im sure it wouldn’t be as bad as you think shou

walmart zuko: idk

walmart zuko: I just don’t think im ready

walmart zuko: wouldn’t he have asked me on a date already if he liked me?

teacher’s pet: well maybe he’s thinking the same thing you are

mall santa: not to interrupt but ive met that kid twice and both times it gave me second hand anxiety so im gonna take a guess and say he’s too scared 

walmart zuko: well im stubborn so

dabert: speaking from experience, pretending your feelings don’t exist for years on end just ends in trauma and regret

walmart zuko: can’t believe im taking advice from a single man

dabert: hey coaches don’t play 

walmart zuko: if we’re going with a sports metaphor, you’re not even a spectator 

dabert: every day i get closer and closer to villainy 

walmart zuko: just give me a while to mull over it okay, ill consider making a move but not right now 

teacher’s pet: that’s fine shou, take all the time you need

walmart zuko: thanks guys 

Traffic Light Trio

sparky sparky boom man: where did you guys place on the practical exam

tearbender: 4th

prince zuko: 5th

sparky sparky boom man: HA eat my exploding shit I got 2nd

prince zuko: I don’t think I want to do that

tearbender: that’s amazing kacchan

prince zuko: you should be proud of your ranking midoriya 

tearbender: thanks todoroki!!  so should you

sparky sparky boom man: hey wait tf up where’s my congratulations halfsie

prince zuko: idk sounds like a you problem

prince zuko: anyway

tearbender: we should hang out over the break some time!!

prince zuko: i’d like that 

private chat between blasty and icyhot’s burnt brother

blasty: should i say no to a group hang out so that midoriya and your dumb brother go alone together

icyhot’s burnt brother: yes 

blasty: ok

Traffic Light Trio

sparky sparky boom man: sorry i can’t come 

tearbender: what :(

sparky sparky boom man: im going away i won’t be here 

tearbender: but your parents said you weren’t 

sparky sparky boom man: I can’t come 

sparky sparky boom man: you guys can still hangout tho I don’t give a shit 

tearbender: no it’s okay we’ll wait until you come back won’t we todoroki 

prince zuko: uh

prince zuko: yeah

keeping up with the todorokis  

walmart zuko: midoriya hates me 

dabert: im gonna let god fix it

dabert: cause if i fix it

dabert: im going to jail

Traffic Light Trio 

sparky sparky boom man: for fucks sake just HANG OUT 

sparky sparky boom man: I WILL hurt you

tearbender: are you sure 

sparky sparky boom man: icyhot i applaud you for voluntarily putting up with this

prince zuko: thanks I guess

tearbender: okay todoroki ill message you privately!!

prince zuko: thanks 

keeping up with the todorokis: 

walmart zuko: nvm

dabert: ?? 

dabert: I hate you I really do 

walmart zuko: i think midoriya only wants to hang out with me because bakugou told him to

dabert: im not qualified for this 

dabert: @todoroki fuyumi

teacher’s pet: what

teacher’s pet: oh

teacher’s pet: oh no

teacher’s pet: do you want me to kill someone for you?

dabert: jesus no 

dabert: i can handle my murder

dabert: but i can’t handle teenager problems because i never got to be a teenager so please deal with this 

teacher’s pet: honey 

teacher’s pet: you and midoriya are obviously very close 

teacher’s pet: and i don’t want you to take this as me telling you that you’re overreacting, because your reaction is completely valid, but just maybe consider that midoriya isn’t perfect either and we all know he can say and do some dumb ass shit quite a lot 

walmart zuko: i just don’t want him to feel like he has to be with me 

walmart zuko: you know what I mean

walmart zuko: I want him to spend time with me of his own accord 

walmart zuko: otherwise I don’t want it

dabert: you tell em 

dabert: king shit 

teacher’s pet: going to ignore the fact that I think I just entered a parallel universe

dabert: listen he gets 1 supportive moment every 6 months

teacher’s pet: good to know 

walmart zuko: thanks i guess 

teacher’s pet: if it’s really bothering you then I think you should try and have a genuine conversation about it 

teacher’s pet: be open with him and clear up any miscommunication 

walmart zuko: maybe tomorrow

walmart zuko: kind of want to have a clothed shower and blast my 13 year old emo playlist 

dabert: i second that

teacher’s pet: I think there are healthier ways to deal with this

walmart zuko: it’s my overthinking i get to choose the music 

dabert: let him have this

walmart zuko: yeah let me have this

teacher’s pet: sigh 

private chat between blasty and icyhot’s burnt brother 

blasty: I hate your brother and his stupid not boyfriend

icyhot’s burnt brother: you and me both buddy

blasty: i hate them so much that I’m rooting for them

blasty: please put me out of my misery

icyhot’s burnt brother: I can start a big fire and you can explode it and we can go out with style

blasty: you know what

blasty: maybe you’re not as shitty as I thought you were 

icyhot’s burnt brother: ill take that

keeping up with the todorokis  

dabert: y’all aren’t gonna believe this 

dabert: I got a job interview 

mall santa: NO WAY

mall santa: where at???

dabert: idk i got so excited that i dropped my phone and didn’t see 

dabert: i applied at like a billion different places 

mall santa: dude check

dabert: damn don’t rush me

dabert: …

dabert: it’s kfc

mall santa: oh my god

mall santa: that’s amazing and also hilarious 

dabert: there’s one issue with this

mall santa: what could possibly be wrong with that

dabert: i didn’t apply at kfc

mall santa: what??

dabert: you heard me

dabert: just because i have $0.71 doesn’t mean im about to let Hawks have the satisfaction of knowing I work at kfc

dabert: wait

dabert: brb

private chat between bird ass and burnt ass 

burnt ass: did you fucking apply for a job on my behalf at kfc 

bird ass: uh

bird ass: new number who dis

burnt ass has blocked bird ass 

bird ass: dabs???

you can no longer send messages to ‘burnt ass’

bird ass: god damn it 

keeping up with the todorokis 

dabert: it was hawks

mall santa: LMAO

dabert: anyway

dabert: gonna log into this stupid account he somehow made without me noticing and see what he submitted as my resume 

dabert: jesus fuck

dabert: ‘skills: deep frying’ 

mall santa: i mean it’s not wrong 

dabert: ‘likes: wings ;)’ what the fuck is this 

mall santa: yeah definitely sounds like Hawks 

dabert: idk if I’m more concerned about my fake resume or the fact that they actually gave me an interview after seeing this 

mall santa: they probably just want to see who the fuck had the audacity lmao

dabert: i hate that even more 

mall santa: okay but are you gonna show up

dabert: obviously not 

mall santa: come on touya a job is a job

dabert: this is most certainly not worth it 

mall santa: but it’s funny

mall santa: also hawks said to unblock him 

dabert: ugh im gonna fry his ass and mail it to the nearest kfc 

mall santa: make sure you do your interview while you’re there

dabert: can’t have shit in this house 

keeping up with the todorokis 

teacher’s pet: mid year break could not have come sooner 

teacher’s pet: i just want my girlfriend 

teacher’s pet: and no kids near me for 2 weeks

mall santa: fuyumi being sappy on main??

teacher’s pet: let me have this 

walmart zuko: tell your girlfriend not us

teacher’s pet: then next time you have midoriya problems you can tell him not me

walmart zuko: wait

walmart zuko: i take it back

teacher’s pet: that’s what I thought 

hawks support group  

knockoff elsa: missing my girlfriend hours 

chicken run: until your brother unblocks me i don’t want to hear it

knockoff elsa: this has absolutely nothing to do with me

knockoff elsa: fix your own problems 

judy hopps: she’s got a point 

chicken run: how dare you make me face the consequences of my own actions 

chicken run: I even emailed him and he ignored me

knockoff elsa: idk why you think touya is the kind of person to stay up to date with emails 

chicken run: suddenly i can’t read 

knockoff elsa: some day you two are gonna get your shit together 

knockoff elsa: probably in like 200 years though

chicken run: :(

keeping up with the todorokis: 

dabert: they hired me

mall santa: ???

mall santa: when did you even have the interview 

dabert: why must you ask questions 

mall santa: because you tell us nothing!!