Chapter Text
The Story of How God Created Earth:
Once upon a time, god was sitting up in wherever my man likes to hang (idk if heaven was a thing yet) and he was kinda bored. SUDDENLY his god complex had a wonderful idea; he needed ppl to worship him. Alas what good is a god with nobody to rule. But first he said, " damn ig these hoes r gonna need to live somewhere" and so he started to create the planet which is now called earth.
Now, god may be all powerful but apparently he cant just do a little snappy snap n make his perfect little pet planet; so he just did a little everyday. The rest of the day he was like idk, napping or something. AAAANyways. On the first day god started on the planet part, the next day he was like " aint no way these bitches ab to be emo" and so he said " Light this b upppppppp" (god -92837483474783427839247 BCE or whatever). And so for the next few days god went and made some animals, plants, the sky, etc etc you get the point. This went on until the sixth day. God was pretty happy with earth but one thing was missing... or so he thought ( i think we can collectively agree my mans ab to fuck some shit up. he couldnt use like, foresight to prevent this? On top of that none of his apocalypses worked completely but we will get to that later)
" HUMANS!!! thats what i need to add!" And soon the sixth day after he had made a pretty cool place; he fucked shit up as an all powerful would ( no disrespect god ) and two humans by the names of adam and eve ( not steve... god was a pussy, no gays for today)... we"ll have more on the humans later. You just KNOW theyre gonna do some shit but for now god was tired; and for the seventh day of creation he knew he got his homework done on time ( a whole day before... not to flex but i get mine done all in one night, the night before shes due) and took the seventh day to rest... and idk, watch his new personal reality tv show called earth
the end, to be continued... maybe idk
Amen loves