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The guy who lives above Julie in room 415 might as well be a ghost: she never sees him in the hallways, he's never asked her for sugar, never drunkenly rung the wrong doorbell. He’s a shadow, a phantom.
But a phantom who plays very loud music at very inconvenient times.
--
Take off, last stop
No. No, no. Please God no.
Count down til we blast open the top
It takes everything Julie has to not scream into her pillow. Actually, no; she does scream into her pillow a little bit, although it comes out as more of a wail.
Surely the Gods up above hate her. Or the universe does. Or, if nothing else, at least her neighbor must hate her, to be playing his music this loudly on Tuesday morning at…
7 am? Wow, Julie really has to start filing complaints on this guy.
It’s not the first time she’s been woken up by this guy - who she calls “loud obnoxious music neighbor” for lack of anything else to call him, since she doesn’t actually know his name and “the guy from room 415” doesn’t quite explain it all.
In fact, it’s happening more and more often, at least three times a week now, and Julie is ready to burn down the entire building.
Face first, full charge
Electric hammer to the heart
Why did she insist to her dad that student housing would be fine? When she applied to UCLA her dad told her she could just live from home for the first year or so, but it had felt imperative to move out into student housing and experience the real student life.
Not that Julie wanted to leave home. She loves her dad and Carlos, and she still goes home every weekend that she can. It’s just…
Julie has a bright imagination. She’s seen movies and read books and heard stories, stories from Flynn and Carrie and Kayla and even Nick, who all went to college last year when she took a year off to grieve.
No one blamed her for not wanting to jet off to college when she’d just lost her mom a few months before. But her mom had told her to never let anything stop her from enjoying life, from living it every single day and experiencing all it had to offer.
And living in shitty student housing seemed like a good idea at the time. Especially in the same building as her friends; Flynn, whose roommate was fricking annoying, so she spent most her time at Julie’s room because Julie’s roommate was simply never there.
And Carrie, who roomed with Kayla. And Nick, who got back together with Carrie when Carrie decided to stop being the typical high school mean girl, and follow Nick to college.
It had seemed like such a good idea.
But that was before she found out her upstairs neighbor was trying to bring the building down with sound alone.
Clocks move forward, but we don’t get older no
“Oh my God, shut up!!” The words tumble out of Julie’s mouth before she realizes she’s actually screaming, and as they do she grabs the water bottle that’s next to her bed and launches it at the ceiling. It hits with a dull thud and falls back down with a louder bang than she could have seen coming.
And suddenly the music stops.
Right. Julie had forgotten that the reason she can hear her upstairs neighbor so well is because the ceilings are actually made of paper.
There’s a muffled sound of faraway voices, and then there’s a knock on her ceiling, clearly coming from the floor below.
Knock, knock, knock.
Soft and careful. An apology? A question?
“It’s 7 am, please be quiet!” Julie tries to keep her voice steady but she’s sounding significantly less sure of herself now.
What if loud obnoxious music neighbor is actually a vicious criminal and now he’s gonna murder her in her sleep? Or – maybe more likely – what if he’s an annoying 19 or 20 year old boy who is now gonna taunt her by playing his music even louder?
And yes, she knows it’s a boy; the voice, although muffled enough that she can never hear what he’s saying, is definitely male.
“Sorry!” it sounds back. Yep, that’s the voice, and it sounds genuinely apologetic.
Fine. Maybe she won’t burn down the building yet. She has class at 8 anyway.
She gets out of bed and goes to make herself some much deserved coffee for when Flynn inevitably arrives way too late to escort her to class.
--
Flynn has been Julie’s rock since they met when they were just little girls, and after everything with her mom, that bond was only strengthened.
Now, too, Flynn remains steady at Julie’s side like the force Julie can always count upon. Even though they have mostly different classes, they walk together whenever they can.
Which is why Flynn gets to hear all about loud obnoxious music neighbor.
“And then he said sorry and stopped, so I guess that’s something.” Julie sighs, exhaustion settled in her bones even before they’ve reached campus. “It’s just, why does it have to be so early?”
Flynn shrugs. “You had to be up anyway,” she reasons. “And at least it’s good music!”
Julie glares at her best friend, but there’s no visible reaction from Flynn.
“It could be like, country or something.” Flynn shudders.
With all the time Flynn spends at Julie’s place, she’s heard the music many times before. Because it doesn’t just happen at ungodly hours in the morning: it’s in the afternoon, or in the early evening, and sometimes in the middle of the night on weekends. And then at 7am again. Apparently he doesn’t sleep.
“I guess you’re right,” Julie admits. The building has come into view and she knows it’s time to let Flynn go. “Coffee later?”
“Text me,” Flynn calls behind her, and then Julie is alone.
It’s not until she steps into her creative writing class that she remembers.
Fuck. Luke.
--
Luke’s puppy eyes are in full effect when Julie hurries down the class room to drop into her seat next to him, and Julie tries to pretend it doesn’t affect her.
Luke’s fine. It’s not like she forgot something important. It’s only that she promised to walk to class with him so they could talk about the project.
And the fact that her skin is tingling under his gaze is only because he’s looking at her so intently. It has nothing to do with the way he’s hot.
Even if Flynn keeps reminding her of that fact. Like it means anything to Julie. Gah.
“I’m sorry,” she says, “I forgot that we were supposed to walk together.”
“I figured,” Luke pouts. “When I waited outside for hours and you didn’t show up.”
Behind him, a familiar figure leans in. “Ten minutes,” Alex says. “He waited for ten minutes.”
“Don’t call me out,” Luke hisses, slapping his hands somewhere in Alex’s direction and then the boys are playfighting and Julie gets to gather her thoughts until Mrs. Hastings asks for the class’ attention.
Just then, Luke’s voice sounds again, down to a whisper this time. “You better make it up to me later.”
And Julie stares straight ahead and hopes he doesn’t notices the blush on her cheeks.
Creative writing is one of Julie’s favorite classes. If she can’t write music – and she can’t, not without her mom there – she figures this is as close as she’ll get. Writing poems, it’s kinda the same thing, although it lacks some of the emotion the piano used to put into her songs.
It’s also one of her favorite classes because she sits around Luke and Alex and Reggie. She knows that’s a stupid reason to like a class, but they’re funny: they’re always goofing around and making her laugh and sometimes she forgets quite how sad she is when she’s laughing at them.
She wouldn’t call them friends. She’s never hung out with them outside of class; nobody ever asked. But they make this class more fun at least, and she knows they don’t dislike her.
When they had to pick a partner to write a poem with last week, Luke asked her right away, a cheerful grin on his face as he’d called: “Hey, Molina, partners?”
Of course she’d said yes. Maybe there had even been a slight sliver of hope in her chest that figured if they hung out outside of school for the project, they could hang out after the project too.
And now she’s stood Luke up. The first time they were gonna see each other not in this classroom. Great fucking job, Jules.
Flynn is gonna give her hell.
Luckily, it doesn’t seem as though Luke is too upset by it. As soon as Mrs. Hastings lets them go – after reminding them about the project – he’s sitting on Julie’s desk, legs swinging back and forth in the air like a little kid.
His hazel eyes are bright, hair flopping down his forehead in a messy way that somehow still looks good on him.
“So,” he says. “How are you gonna make it up to me?”
“Uhm.”
Before Julie can answer, Luke continues. “Nevermind, it’s forgotten. Hey, about the so—uh, poem. I thought we could get together and at least think of a theme or something? And like, maybe general set up? And then if you prefer we can write our separate stuff and put it together at the end. Or we can write it together. Whatever you like.”
“Maybe let her answer,” Alex says dryly behind them, and Luke’s cheeks go a little red.
“Right,” he says, sheepishly. “Sorry. I guess I’m making too much noise again.”
The comment is pointed and both Alex and Reggie laugh. Julie feels like she’s missing an inside joke, so she ignores it.
“Uhm, yeah, we could get together and see how we go from there,” she offers. It’s a pretty normal thing to say but Luke’s face lights up like a Christmas tree.
“Awesome,” he smiles. He looks younger when he does: his smile is bright and kind and it makes Julie forget that she’s a little intimidated by him sometimes.
Sure, Luke is really attractive. He’s got boyish charm mixed with something that reminds Julie of 90’s rock artists. He’s always dressed like he’s ready to perform in some sweaty club, and she knows he’s got a band with Alex and Reggie.
She’s never seen this band, but somehow she can tell that they’re good. And it’s not just because she’s heard people talk about how good they are. It’s just something they exude, even when they walk through the halls.
Confidence.
Julie wishes she could borrow some of it from them.
“We could do it at either of our places?” Luke offers. “Or Beans&Beats maybe. Reggie works there, he can get us coffee for free.”
“One day Reggie is gonna get in trouble for that,” Alex says, but Reggie only grins.
“You don’t get to say that when you spent every free hour there to sneak glances at Willie,” Luke shoots back.
Alex is about to say something when Reggie jumps in.
“I always get bored on shifts so please come hang out at the coffee shop!”
“It’s probably for the best anyway,” Julie sighs. “My upstairs neighbor is really loud, super often. So there’s a big chance we wouldn’t be able to concentrate.”
Alex frowns. “Why, what do they do?”
“They play music. Not badly, just really often at inconvenient times. Like this morning the music started at 7am!” She feels her blood run hot as she remembers the occurence. “I kinda yelled at them and threw my water bottle at the ceiling and I think they took the hint, cause they stopped, but I don’t think that’ll last too long.”
With some confusion, she watches as Alex, Reggie and Luke all exchange glances. They seem to have an entire conversation within seconds; Luke turns bright red and Alex pulls up one questioning eyebrow, as Reggie’s smile only broadens.
And then it’s over and Luke turns back to her.
“Damn, Julie, that sucks,” he sputters. His voice is a full octave higher than it was before and he jumps off her desk as if he’s been stung by something. “That’s really, uh, inconvenient of them. Let’s definitely hang out at the coffee shop then. I’ll text you, okay? Bye!”
Before Julie can remind him of the fact that he doesn’t have her phone number, he’s gone, Alex and Reggie following him at a slower pace, waving goodbye to her.
Julie has no idea what just happened, but she shakes her head and lets it roll off her shoulders. After all, second period is about to begin, and she hasn’t even had her coffee yet.
Time to text Flynn.
--
Apparently Julie’s outburst does something, because she doesn’t hear a peep from her upstairs neighbor for a week.
And when she does, it’s not quite in the way she expected.
Many things remind Julie of her mom. Like dahlia flowers, the color yellow, and the smell of fresh pancakes. Like red wine, when rain makes the pavement glow, and the noise of a plane.
Like certain songs.
Memories of her mom are a double edged sword. On one hand, Julie would never want to forget her mom, and those memories are all she has left to keep her mom alive. On the other hand, they hurt: they cut into her skin like a million tiny little paper cuts until she feels like she could bleed to death from the pain of it.
A busker, on the street, singing one of her mom’s favorite songs. That’s all it took that evening to make her feel like that. Maybe it’s because she’d already had a long day, maybe it’s because she can feel the one year anniversary of her mom’s death coming closer every day. Maybe it’s because she can still hear mom sing that song, at the top of her lungs in the car.
Maybe it’s because some days she can’t remember her mom’s voice at all.
But Julie cracks. Right there, on the pavement on a busy LA street, every single bone in her body cracks under the pressure of her sadness, and she only just manages to get home before her ragged breaths turn into heartwrenching sobs and tears flow down her cheeks like they’ll never stop.
She lays on her bed and cries: lets the sadness take over her because sometimes it’s just too hard to fight it.
If only she could sing her mom’s favorite songs. It hurts too much to even try, to even think about trying, but sometimes she’s so worried about disappointing her mom.
“Don’t ever stop letting your words fly free, mija,” her mom had said, and Julie had promised, and then she hadn’t sung another note again.
She doesn’t know how long she lays there crying. But suddenly there’s a noise, loud enough to pull her out of her own head for a second.
Knock, knock, knock.
It comes from room 415, and it’s hesitant and quiet. Like she could’ve imagined it.
But she didn’t. She knows she didn’t.
Is her neighbor telling her to be quiet? She doesn’t doubt he could hear her cry; if she can hear his laptop turn on he surely can hear her sobbing, but she didn’t think he’d be cruel enough to tell her to shut up when she’s crying.
It doesn’t sound like he is though. The knocks are too careful, too soft. Is he reminding her that he can hear her, afraid of breaching her privacy? But surely he would’ve just stayed quiet and let her believe he wasn’t home?
So she does the only thing she can think of.
“Hello?” she calls. She cringes with how rough her voice sounds.
But it seems to be what he was waiting for, because that’s when she can hear the music.
Talk to me softly,
There’s something in your eyes
Don’t hang your head in sorrow,
And please don’t cry.
Julie recognizes the song immediately. It’s Don’t Cry by Guns N’ Roses. Involuntarily, a smile starts to spread across her face, thinking of him looking up this song on his Spotify and blasting it through his speakers, only to make her feel less alone.
When the chorus hits, she swears she can hear his voice, mixed with the voice of Axl Rose.
Don’t you cry tonight,
I still love you baby
Don’t you cry tonight,
Don’t you cry tonight,
There’s a heaven above you baby,
And don’t you cry tonight
Julie lays there, stares at her ceiling and listens to the song and the stranger’s voice softly singing along. When the song ends, there’s a second when you can hear a hairpin drop, and she realizes the tears have dried.
“Thank you,” she says out loud. She doesn’t have to wonder if he can hear her because there’s a few taps on the floor, and she knows what he means.
You’re welcome.
She doesn’t know her upstairs neighbor, but somehow he managed to console her when she felt like she was completely alone.
Maybe next time she’ll let the noise slide.
--
“Hey Julie, how are you doing?”
Luke’s eyes are searching her face like he knows something he shouldn’t. Julie can feel her skin warm up, and she wonders if there’s anyway he could’ve seen her running home to cry yesterday. But surely she would’ve noticed him.
She always notices him.
“Fine,” she lies through her teeth. “You?”
Luke doesn’t answer. He’s still staring at her attentively, but it doesn’t make Julie feel like it usually does.
Because he’s not looking at her like he’s pitying her, or like he’s waiting for her to snap. He’s looking at her like he’s trying to solve a puzzle that he’s not got all the pieces to.
“Okay,” he says finally. “I’ve got your coffee. Willie said this is your usual.”
He pushes a cup towards her and points to his notebook, open in front of him on the table. “And I started on some ideas.”
Relieved that the tension has broken, Julie sits down opposite him. She turns around to wave at Willie, who is on barista duty, and Reggie, who is behind the register.
“Thanks for the coffee,” she says. “Tell me about your ideas.”
Luke speaks about his ideas with excitement that rifles a child’s glee, and Julie can’t help but be completely swallowed up by his words. She’s so enthralled that she doesn’t even notice the structure of his “poems” until he smiles bashfully.
“I know they’re structured like songs,” he says. “It’s just, I write a lot of songs? So I don’t really know how to write anything else. But I figured we could just write a song and leave out the music and then it’s a poem. Or we could even just write a song, I’m sure Mrs. Hastings would be cool…”
“Oh.” Julie can feel the air deflate from her lungs.
“Oh?” Luke repeats. He frowns at her. “That doesn’t sound like you’re pumped about the idea.”
He doesn’t sound so excited anymore and Julie hates that she took that glee away from him. She knew he was in a band, she should’ve figured he was a songwriter, it’s just…
She can’t write songs. Not without her mom. And now she’s gonna have to explain that to Luke, who is staring at his notebook like she just put a big black line through all his work.
“Your ideas are great, Luke,” she tries, carefully. When he looks up, she smiles at him. “It’s just that I used to write songs, and then I stopped, and now I can’t anymore. So it would probably be better if we kept it a poem.”
But Luke’s frown doesn’t waver. “You stopped?”
A sigh escapes Julie’s lips. Normally, she doesn’t delve into her tragic back story. She hates that people immediately think of her differently; whether they avoid her like a dead mom is contagious or try to handle her with silk gloves.
She just wants to be Julie, not Julie-with-the-dead-mom.
But Luke… She can’t quite put her finger on it, but there’s something about Luke that makes her feel like she could tell him anything.
The way he looks at her like there’s nothing she could say to startle him. Like he’s really interested in her thoughts. Like he cares.
He doesn’t know her enough to care, and yet, Julie is somehow convinced he does.
So it goes.
“My mom died almost a year ago,” she says. “And I used to write songs with her. Music was her life and she taught me everything I know. Now, when I try to write, it just feels… wrong.” She pauses, lets the grieve take over for just a second.
“Do you still play?” Luke asks. “Listen to music?”
She shrugs. “I listen to music but not the music we used to listen to together. Yesterday I heard a song that she used to love and cried for like two hours.” The laugh that escapes her lips is bitter. “I haven’t touched a piano since she got sick.”
Luke’s face is filled with understanding but that’s it. Julie doesn’t see any change in his hazel eyes fixed on her. He’s not looking at her differently.
“Do you want to write music?” he asks.
No.
But for some reason, Julie pauses. Nobody has ever asked her that.
“Will you ever write again?”
“Does it hurt to write now?”
“Can you still write?”
“Did you stop writing?”
All those questions, she’s heard a million times before. But nobody has ever asked her if she wanted to write, still. Nobody has ever asked her what she wants at all.
“I don’t think I can do it without her,” she settles for, avoiding Luke’s eyes and staring into her coffee.
But Luke’s voice is firm. “That’s not what I asked.”
No. It’s not.
Julie feels as small as a snowflake when she answers: “I want to.”
“Okay.” Now Luke sounds more gentle, and then he reaches out and carefully puts his hand on hers. His skin is warm, his fingers rough with calouses that can only come from a life time of playing guitar. His touch is grounding. “Then we’re writing a song.”
Julie’s head snaps up.
“But…”
“No.” Luke sends her an encouraging grin. “We write the lyrics together, so it’s just like writing a poem for you. And then I’m gonna put a melody to it. And you either help me with that, or you don’t. But either way we’re writing a song.”
And in that moment, Julie can tell he believes she can do it. She might not believe it, but for some reason, he absolutely, undoubtedly does.
“You can do anything, Jules,” Luke says, and the way he says her name sounds warm, like coming home after a long day or walking in the sun.
“Okay,” she says, and they start writing.
--
Day after day, Julie is surrounded by music.
After class, she hangs out with Luke at the coffee shop, and they write their song. When the lyrics are coming together, he takes her to the old garage his band practices at, and he plays around with chords on his guitar while Julie focuses on the lyrics.
She doesn’t partake in the music part of the song. But she watches Luke. Watches his fingers dance around the frets, watches his lips mime the words she’s written as he plucks different strings and strums different chords. Stomps his feet to a beat that only exists in his head, bobs his chin to an imaginary bass riff that Reggie will maybe one day learn.
It’s magnetic, watching Luke work. And somehow one of Julie’s favorite moments in her day is sitting on that old couch with Luke’s melody in her ears.
The other favorite part of her day is when she wakes up and loud obnoxious music neighbor, who is now just music neighbor, plays her a song.
She doesn’t know how it became a thing, especially considering the fact that she still doesn’t know his name. But she’s starting to learn his patterns when it comes to music.
In the morning, something upbeat and cheery. When he showers, something that you can belt along to. In the afternoons, he’s not there anymore; maybe he found another place to practice his music. And at night, when the door closes softly behind him and his sneakers thump against the floor, something soft and melodic.
Those are her favorites: he plays his music so softly she can barely hear it, clearly trying to be mindful of how much noise he’s making. But it’s loud enough that she can focus on it, try to figure out what song it is and if she knows it, instead of thinking about her mom and all the ways she’s failing her.
Because she’s letting Luke write their poem into a song, but she’s not really participating. Not in the way her mom would’ve wanted.
Her mom would’ve loved Luke. And, she would’ve loved her neighbor’s music taste. We The Kings, Simple Plan, COIN, Jukebox the Ghost, Lifehouse, 3 Doors Down…
Her mom would know and love every single song Julie finds herself humming along to as her neighbor rocks out to it.
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can’t keep up and I can’t back down
I’ve been losing so much time
And sometimes, usually during those late nights when her neighbor’s music is soft and private, Julie finds herself laying in bed and wondering what would happen if she went upstairs and introduced herself.
Would they become friends? More than friends, even? She doesn’t even know his name, but if music is the insight to someone’s soul, Julie loves the soul that lives above her with every cell in her body.
Cause it’s you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it’s you and me and all of the people
And I don’t know why I can’t keep my eyes off of you
But then there’s Luke, and the way the entire world seems to disappear when he’s with her. How he makes her laugh until her stomach hurts. How he makes her feel like she could do it. Do anything. How she craves being around him so much that sometimes, when Alex and Reggie show up after their project time, she spends ten minutes hovering at the door until they’re tuned their instruments.
She never stays for band practice, because that seems private and they’ve never asked. But…
Something about you now,
I can’t quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
But if he asked, she’d stay. If he asked, she’d do pretty much anything.
“Because you’ve got a big fat crush on him,” Flynn had teased, and Julie had thrown her statistics book at her best friend’s head.
She can’t deny it, though. Not when her stomach does those kinda somersaults whenever she sees Luke bouncing her way through the hallway.
But Luke is Luke, and he’s somehow the coolest guy in the world and the kindest soul she’s ever met, and he’s so out of her league it’s not even funny.
At least with her upstairs neighbor she can daydream. At least with him she can pretend that maybe, if she was brave enough, it could be something.
If only she was brave.
Cause it’s you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it’s you and me and all of the people
--
It all happens because of Carrie.
Because of course it does. Carrie is a wildfire, blazing through any forest that dares be in her way. Carrie is brave. Carrie is everything Julie isn’t, and Julie would hate her if Carrie wasn’t so fiercely in her corner.
A lot has changed since high school.
“Patterson?” Carrie asks, one perfect eyebrow raised as she stares at Luke and Alex across the coffee shop.
Julie should’ve known that coming to Beans&Beats for her coffee date with Flynn and Carrie would be a bad idea. She hadn’t realized Reggie would be on shift. And that if Reggie was on shift, Willie would be on shift. And that if Willie was on shift, Alex would be here gawking at him. And if Alex would be here, Luke would be here to keep his friend from doing something too embarrassing. And if Luke would be here, Flynn would make a comment on Julie’s crush on him. And if Flynn made a comment…
“Let’s go say hi.” Carrie’s smile is razor sharp.
No, Julie wants to say, but her friend is already out of her chair.
Of course Carrie knows Luke. Carrie is exactly the kinda girl that would be around a band like theirs. The kinda girl that they would want to be around.
“Sorry,” Flynn hums. “But you were never gonna do it yourself, so…”
“I might’ve!” Julie protests, and Flynn’s pointed gaze is clear.
“You haven’t even gone to say hi to your flirty neighbor yet.”
“He’s not flirty, he just…”
“Plays you love songs every night?”
“They’re not just love songs!”
Julie would continue the discussion, but with Carrie stalking through the coffee shop like she’s a tiger heading for its prey, there’s more pressing matters to attend.
By the time she’s reached Carrie, she just catches a sentence.
“Great show last night, boys.”
Show? Julie hadn’t even known they had a show.
“Thanks Carrie. Hey Jules!” Luke at least seems happy to see her. Alex hasn’t even acknowledged her, but then, Willie just said something to him, so she figures he’s out of business for at least 10 minutes.
Carrie turns to her. “They played the Palmero last night. Absolutely rocked it. Have you seen them play, Jules?”
Julie swallows as she watches Luke’s face fall. Just slightly; most people wouldn’t even notice it.
But she knows him too well, at this point.
“No, it hasn’t. Uh. Come up.”
“When does Sunset Curve next perform, Luke?”
It’s not Luke who answers. Instead, it’s Reggie, walking past to go get something from the stock room.
“Friday, Sound Nightclub at midnight. Tell your friends!”
“We should go,” Carrie smiles her honey sweet smile. “And Willie, you should come!”
Alex’s head snaps up.
“Hell yeah, I’m down.” Willie’s answer is casual as he says it between greeting customers, but Julie can nearly feel Alex’s blood pressure rise to unseen heights.
“It would be cool if you came.”
At the sound of Luke’s voice, it’s Julie’s blood pressure rising. His tone is bashful, almost shy, but his eyes are shining with hope.
As if her coming to his show would really mean something.
“We’ll be there,” Flynn says, swinging her arm around Julie’s shoulder, and when Julie says she’d love to Luke’s grin is so wide it nearly blinds her.
--
That night when Julie comes home, the music upstairs is a little too loud for the late night hour.
Not that Julie minds it; her brain is reeling from all the possibilities that are seemingly opening up in front of her, and she’s been thinking about her song – Luke’s song, their song.
The melody Luke made is great, but there’s something missing. A second voice. A piano, at the start. “Hearts on fire” calls for a piano riff. “Now til eternity” for an echo in a different voice.
She can’t. But she wants to. What if she can?
Well I just heard the news today,
It seems my life is about to change.
A slow smile spreads across Julie’s face as she turns onto her stomach, clutching her pillow to herself. What a song choice.
It’s as if he knows.
I close my eyes, begin to pray
Then tears of joy stream down my face
And softly, Julie starts to sing. It’s nothing more than a whisper into the quiet, dark air of her bedroom. Upstairs, he sings, too. Louder, loud enough for her to hear.
She sings with him, matches his voice only in breaths of air passing her lips. Nobody can hear it. But she’s singing.
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place,
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open
She wonders if Luke would be proud, if he could hear her. Knows instinctively that he would. Flynn has been there through everything, her dad has been nothing but supportive. But with Luke, it feels different, somehow. He has her back.
He made her look at music with something else than pain.
Her neighbor, too. But he’s just… A shadow. A phantom, even. She doesn’t know him.
But she has gotten to know Luke. He’s told her so much: she knows about his pained relationship with his mom and that Alex and Reggie are his family more than anyone else. About how loyal and fiercely protective he is. That he hides his feelings, unless he writes them into a melody, unless he puts them down into words and chords. She knows his favorite sandwiches and that he hates quiet places because his mind goes down dark spirals sometimes.
And he knows her.
She sings the next words to him, to Luke, even though he can’t hear her. Even though he never will.
If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open
Upstairs, she hears her neighbor’s voice.
I’ll show you everything
With arms wide open.
--
When they enter the club, fakes barely shoved under the bouncer’s nose before he waved them through, the music is loud and the lights are flashing.
They’re a bit late, because Flynn said she had to make sure Julie looked her absolute best. Julie mostly just feels like she has to throw up, although she’s not sure why.
Carrie waves them through the crowd until they’re at the bar. Willie is standing there, beer in his hand.
“Hey,” he says, excitedly. “Can I get you anything?”
“Please welcome, Sunset Curve!”
Julie’s head snaps up and she doesn’t even get to answer Willie because then there’s bright lights focused on the stage and there they are: her boys.
Alex sits behind his drums, Reggie takes the left, Luke the right. He’s got his blue electric, the one that Julie knows is secretly his favorite.
“Hello everyone, we’re Sunset Curve,” Luke says.
“Tell your friends!” Reggie quips.
“And this is Now or Never.”
The song starts and for a moment, Julie wonders if it’s a cover: it sounds strangely familiar, like she’s heard it before.
“I didn’t know they could write songs like this,” Willie grins beside her, so surely it must be an original and Julie is just tripping.
She has reason to, anyway: Luke is wearing a sleeveless shirt that does nothing to hide his arms, and there’s a passion burning in his eyes that runs shivers down her spine all the way from where she’s standing.
It’s clear, to her, then: this is what Luke was meant to do. This is what they were all meant to do. The energy is radiating off them, the comfort with which they demand the crowd’s attention only comes with having done this a million times.
And his voice… Julie has heard him sing, of course, but never like this. Never full out, a low growl escaping through his vocals whenever he’s reaching for a note.
She feels it all the way in the pit of her stomach.
“Pretty hot, huh?” Carrie grins, and Julie realizes she’s not being subtle. But she doesn’t really care, either.
Seeing Luke like this, fully in his element, is enough to make her admit it to herself.
It’s not just a crush. She’s entirely, undoubtedly in love with Luke Patterson. And it should be scary but somehow it isn’t, because even if he doesn’t feel the same way, he’s worth loving.
Because in some ways, he’s just a guy. But when she sees him like this, it’s like he’s larger than life.
The crowd roars to life in applause when the song closes, and Alex is grinning as he points his stick towards them, clearly having spot them first.
Luke’s eyes quickly follow, and when they catch Julie’s, a smile spreads across his face. It’s not just any smile: it lights the room and it spreads and spreads and warmth flows through Julie’s body.
And suddenly Julie thinks, oh. What if he does feel something, too? What if it’s not just in her head?
“This next one,” Reggie says, “is a song we don’t usually play, cause it’s a cover, and we write our own shit.”
The crowd laughs.
“But this was a special request from my man Luke, and who could say no to that face?”
Luke pulls a pouty face to the crowd and Julie can nearly feel half of the people in there fainting under it. She feels a little woozy herself, but Flynn’s hand is tight on her wrist.
Luke has an acoustic in his hands now and as soon as he starts strumming, Julie instantly recognizes it. Funnily, it’s one of the songs that her upstairs neighbor has been playing.
There she goes,
There she goes again
Racing through my brain
And I just can’t contain
This feeling that remains
There she goes,
There she goes again
Pulsing through my veins
And I just can’t contain
This feeling that remains
Luke’s looking straight at her as he sings the words and there’s something pulsing in Julie’s throat. She wonders if it’s her heartbeat, but she can’t seem to focus on it. Even the crowd has disappeared: it’s just her and Luke, singing at her, and suddenly it seems impossible that he doesn’t feel something, at least.
She calls my name,
Pulls my train,
No one else could heal my pain
And I just can’t contain
And Julie feels it, too. Like she can’t contain it any longer, can’t lie to herself any longer. Or to Luke. Maybe he already knows – she’s not subtle. But if he doesn’t know, it’s time for him to.
There she goes
The rest of the show goes swiftly, but Julie can’t say she remembers a lot about it later. Her eyes track Luke across the stage, and after the cover they go back to original songs that most of the crowd knows somehow but Julie doesn’t, and she can’t wait until she knows every single word.
Before she knows it, the band thanks the crowd and then they’re off.
“Do you think we should go backstage?” Willie says, and there’s something in his voice that Julie recognizes in her own veins.
Desperation.
“Go,” Carrie says, and for once Julie doesn’t need her friends to drag her. She takes Willie’s hand and together they manoever through the crowd.
“Julie!” It’s Reggie that spots her first, smiling brightly as he places his bass in its case. “What did ya think?”
“I loved it! You guys are amazing!” Her eyes track the room but Luke isn’t there. Alex shoots her a quick smile before stepping towards Willie.
“Where’s…” she starts, but she doesn’t have to finish her sentence.
“Out there.” Reggie nods his head towards a door that leads outside and Julie steps through it. It leads into an ally, dark and dreary so late at night. The music booms through the walls, muffled into the background.
And Luke is there. He’s standing leaning against the wall, one foot propped up against it, eyes fixed on the sky. When he hears the door close, he looks up.
“Hey.” His smile is private. “Just getting some air.”
“What, getting overwhelmed?” Teasing him is easy, and familiar. She lets her body rest against the wall next to his. Heat radiates off his skin in waves. “Not used to so many people screaming your name and loving you?”
“I’m not really worried about what they think, Jules,” Luke mumbles, and he’s staring straight at her while he says it and there’s no way she can ignore it anymore.
She steps forward, facing him. Challenging him, maybe; she’s not even really sure.
“Do you wanna know what I think?”
He doesn’t answer, but his intense gaze is enough answer in itself.
“I think you were amazing up there. But I’m kinda starting to think nothing you do could be anything but amazing.” When Julie steps closer, her toes are bumping against his vans, and his hands come to rest on her waist as she nearly topples into him.
“Jules,” he repeats, but it comes out as more of a whisper.
For once in her life, Julie decides to be brave.
“I think you’re amazing, Luke,” she whispers. She pushes up on her toes and suddenly she’s close enough to see every speckle of gold in his hazel eyes. “And I…”
She doesn’t have to finish her sentence, because Luke closes the distance between them, his lips featherlight on hers as if he’s testing the waters. As if there’s any world in which she would not want this.
Her hands find the back of his neck and the pressure brings his head down, his lips pressing more firmly on hers as he deepens the kiss.
And it turns out Julie is right.
That, too, is amazing.
--
And from that moment on, Julie walks on cloud nine.
After the kiss they got interrupted by Alex, asking them to help pack the van with a knowing grin on his face, and she hasn’t gotten any alone time with Luke in the days after; too many school things happening, and she promised her dad she’d go home that weekend.
But they’ve been texting and on Monday, she’s bouncing through the halls with excitement. She can’t wait to see him again. She’s not nervous, not when he’s made is so abundantly clear that he really likes her, that this is real to him.
Apparently the universe still owes her one, because when she runs past her mailbox before school, he’s there, wearing the flannel she loves so much, backpack slung over one shoulder.
“Luke?”
He swirls around on his heels, breaking out into a smile when he sees her. “Jules.”
It feels easy to step into his outstretched arm, to get pressed into his side as he hugs her close and presses a kiss into her hair.
“Good,” he hums, “now I can walk you to class.”
“You’re gonna have to fight Flynn for that,” she teases. “That’s usually her job.”
Luke shudders at the thought. “Maybe I’ll just walk a few steps behind,” he says, and he turns to his mailbox. “Let me get my mail first, I’m waiting to hear back from this label we wrote and…”
The rest of his words get lost when Julie spots the number on the front of his mailbox.
- 415. He lives in room 415?
The blood in her veins runs cold.
“Luke?” she asks, quietly, her voice clearly portraying something because he turns around with a worried look on his face. “You live above me?”
Something crosses Luke’s face, but it’s not surprise. Because of course it’s not: he’s walked her to her door before, he’s heard her stories about the crazy upstairs neighbor…
Oh my God. He is the upstairs neighbor. The one who’s been playing her music, who has been her quiet companion in her darkest nights. The band that tormented her at 7am was his band, Alex and Reggie and Luke, and when they stopped because she asked them to but they never told her…
“Jules…” Luke says softly, but he doesn’t say anything else.
“You’ve been lying to me.”
Hurt flashes across his face. “I wasn’t lying…”
“But I told you about my upstairs neighbor, I told you about the songs I liked that he played and… That you played! I told you that I felt like I knew him even though I didn’t and…”
His voice is soft. “You do know me.”
“But I didn’t know that, did I? Because you didn’t tell me.” Julie can hear how thick her voice sounds, can hear the desperation in it.
All this time, she thought the universe was trying to tell her something. It was so crazy, that a neighbor she didn’t know would play the exact songs she needed to hear. It was meant to be.
Except it wasn’t. It was Luke and he knew the exact songs she needed to hear because he knows her, and all this time he heard her cry or dance or laugh and she had no idea that she was hearing him, too. His sneakers thumping on the floor at 2 am, his groan when his alarm clock goes off, his loud singing when the shower runs.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Luke shrugs, helplessly. “You didn’t like your neighbor, Jules. You said he was annoying. And I liked you! I didn’t want you to hate me before I could show you that I was alright, actually.”
She had said her neighbor was annoying, yes, but that was before… Everything.
“And then? When I started…” - loving you - “liking you?”
“I was gonna tell you, but it just never felt like the right moment, and then I was worried you’d think it was creepy that I could, you know, hear you and that I played you songs and I thought, maybe you’d hate it and you wouldn’t like me anymore.”
He sounds like he’s pleading. “I wanted to tell you but I just didn’t know how, Julie, and…”
“And what? You were gonna wait until when? You moved? Never tell me?”
He sighs. “I hadn’t thought that far ahead.”
Luke stands there with his hands in his pockets, eyebrows knotted together and the corners of his lips pulled down. He looks sad, and something in Julie aches to reach out and hug him until he’s bouncing and happy again.
But the other part of her feels confused, so confused about all of it. She loves Luke, and how watching the burning passion he has for music made it hurt less to think about songs again. But she loved her upstairs neighbor in some strange way too: loved the phantom up there playing her songs that brought her love for music back.
She can’t seem to bring them together in her mind, can’t grasp the fact that it was all Luke, every single thing that made her want to try to not give up on her dream, it was all him.
And he didn’t want her to know that.
“Jules, I’m sorry,” he breathes, and he takes a careful step towards her. But her mind is reeling too much to deal with the fallout right now. She needs to gather her thoughts, needs to figure out why it’s hurting so much.
Why it feels like she can’t trust him.
“Me too,” she whispers, and then she’s running away from him.
He calls after her but she pretends not to hear.
--
“So.” Alex’s stare is nothing less than judgmental, which Luke thinks is pretty unfair of his best friend. He already knows he’s messed up, thank you Alex. No reprimanding talk needed.
However, the next sentence Alex speaks isn’t what Luke expected.
“How are you gonna fix this?”
Luke assumes his answering gaze is pretty empty. Fix this? He hadn’t actually thought about that. Luke isn’t the kinda guy that runs from confrontation with his tail between his legs, usually. In fact, when he’s passionate about something – like music, or, in this case, Julie – he fights tooth and nail to get what he wants.
He’s been known to take it too far.
But what Julie said… How she’d looked at him… It had felt pretty final, to him. He knows she doesn’t open up easily, he knows how hard it is for her to open herself up to heartbreak. And with him breaking her heart within 48 hours of having it, well…
If he was Julie, he wouldn’t forgive himself either.
He tells Alex and Reggie as much. They’re at Beans&Beats, and Reggie is technically working, but it’s not busy and Willie is managing just fine by himself, so Reggie has some time to console his moping bandmember.
“Dude,” Reggie says, “I would totally forgive you. You’re great. Not super smart, but great.”
“Thanks Reg,” Luke mumbles.
“Besides, Julie is a much better person than any of us.” Alex’s voice is gentle, like he understands that Luke simply cannot take any snide remarks right now. “If anyone would be willing to look past your… questionable decisions, it would be her.”
And Alex kinda has a point there. Julie is amazing, and kind and wonderful and beautiful and so much stronger than anyone Luke has ever known.
Maybe there is a scenario in which Luke still has a chance. He just needs to somehow let her know how much he wants that.
Luke sighs. How did he even end up here? This morning he was holding Julie in his arms and now, not even 8 hours later, his best friends are having to help him come up with a plan to get her back.
“I’m an idiot,” he says, miserably, and Reggie and Alex wouldn’t be his best friends if they didn’t nod in agreement.
“What were you gonna say when she would eventually want to see your apartment?” Alex asks. He sounds genuinely curious, as if there’s any possibility that Luke had thought this through.
“I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” he mumbles in response. “I honestly didn’t think I’d get this far with Julie in the first place. She’s way outta my league, guys.”
“Yeah,” Reggie hums. “Although you do write cool songs and you have good biceps, so I guess you’ve got that going for you.”
Alex kicks his foot against Luke’s shin and lets it rest there, which Luke knows is his way of showing affection.
“Listen, I’ve seen the way Julie looks at you. You’re an idiot, but she’s in love with you.”
Luke’s stomach turns at the words. If there’s any way Alex is right about that, he has to make this work.
“So, let’s fix this.” Alex sounds resolute. “Talk to her.”
His head snaps up. “I can’t talk to her. You know me. I’m awful with… emotions. I don’t know how to talk to people about feelings!”
“But you know how to write music about them,” Reggie chimes in.
And suddenly, Luke knows exactly what to do.
--
A while ago, Luke and Julie watched the movie Ghost together. It's one of Julie's favorite movies and when Luke said he hadn't seen it, she's been adamant about watching it with him.
And Luke wasn't going to complain. Not when it meant he got to spend an evening with Julie leaning against his shoulder, muttering quiet remarks. Not when he jokingly wrapped his hands around hers during the pottery scene and she didn't pull them away, meaning he got to hold her hands for like half the movie.
Not when she talked about it with so much emotion in her eyes. About how sad it was; someone who couldn’t interact with their loved one, but was still there. Doomed to be watching out for them without ever being seen, to love them but never be able to feel them love back.
And he got to thinking about what it would be like. To feel so connected to someone that even death would not be able to separate you.
It would be the most tragic love story ever. But it would be kinda romantic, in a way. To love someone that much? For that kind of perfect harmony to exist between two souls? Luke could only imagine.
Although, with the way Julie refused to look at him in the cafeteria today, almost like he was a ghost to her; he’s starting to have an inkling of an idea what it would feel like, and it’s not great at all.
And that’s where the song comes into play. The song that he wrote, the day after they watched that movie. When he realized that if there was anyone in the world he'd want to be able to connect with, it would be Julie.
He doesn’t take time to kick off his vans when he runs into his room, the door slamming behind him. He can only hope Julie is home, and able to hear him: there’s no way of checking.
Although…
He leans down, knuckles to the floor, and taps.
Knock, knock knock.
--
Knock, knock, knock.
For the first time since that’s happened, Julie doesn’t have to wonder who is trying to get her attention. It’s not some mysterious phantom, who only exists in her mind and in songs playing through her bedroom ceiling.
It’s Luke. Luke, who lied to her. Luke, who she is so stupidly in love with that when she saw him in the coffee shop earlier, she almost went in.
Flynn says she should talk to him.
“I haven’t seen you so happy since your mom died, Jules. Give him a chance to explain. Clearly he’s worth it if he makes you smile like that.”
And maybe she’s right, but Julie tried to picture that conversation, how it would go, and couldn’t.
Luke’s not good at communicating feelings, and she doesn’t even know what she’s feeling. How she can feel so disappointed in him and still want to spend all of her time with his arms around her.
So she didn’t talk to him. So she doesn’t respond to his knocks.
But then there’s something else that catches her attention. It’s the strumming of a guitar, soft at first and then a little louder.
It’s real, live guitar music. It’s not recorded. Which means Luke is playing guitar. And then Luke is singing. And it’s not a song that she’s ever heard before.
Step into my world,
Bittersweet love story about this girl
Shook me to the core
Voice like an angel, I’ve never heard before
Somehow, that lyric… Julie’s first thought is that he’s heard her. When she sung quietly along to the songs he played, he must’ve heard her.
It’s the first time someone’s heard her sing since her mom. For some weird reason, that isn’t scary. That doesn’t feel wrong.
Because it’s Luke. And everything with Luke feels right, like there’s this perfect balance between them.
Which is why she wrote him that song.
It happened between classes and late nights not sleeping, words typed in her phone notes or written on empty pages in her notebooks in class. She didn’t mean to write a song, it was supposed to be a poem: but now there’s this melody playing above her and…
It fits. Like it was meant to be.
It fits like Luke’s hand fits in hers. And so she sings.
Here in front of me
Shining so much brighter than I’ve ever seen
Life can be so mean
But when he goes, I know he doesn’t leave
She knows he hears her, this time, because his fingers trip and mess up a few chords before he gets back on track. And because he stops singing. But then she’s quiet and his voice sounds again.
The truth is finally breaking through
Two worlds collide when I’m with you
Our voices rise and soar so high
We come to life when we’re
In perfect harmony
Tears are burning behind Julie’s eyes. She knows it’s stupid, God, but this is the first time she’s sung with the intention of someone hearing and that someone is Luke and how is it possible that he wrote a song about her that fits so perfectly with the song she didn’t even know she was writing about him?
I feel your rhythm in my heart, she sings.
You’re my brightest burning star, the answer comes.
I never knew a love so real
We’re heaven on earth, melody and words,
And when we’re together we’re…
In perfect harmony.
But Julie doesn’t hear him sing those last words because she’s up and running, not even bothering to close the door behind her as her sock covered feet thump against the carpet in the hallway and then up the stairs.
By the time she’s reached his front door, he’s already opened it, eyes wide and filled with disbelief.
“Jules,” he breathes. “I’m so sor…”
Sorry. But the word remains unspoken because she lets her feet take her to where her soul wants to be, which is as close to him as possible. Her arms come up to link behind his neck and his arms are immediately wrapped around her body, like he’s afraid she’s going to disappear if he doesn’t hold her tight enough.
His face comes down, nose pressed into her curls.
“I should’ve told you,” he whispers. “I was just scared, that you wouldn’t like me anymore.”
At that, a laugh escapes her lips. As if there’s any scenario in this world, anything that could happen at all, that would make her heart flutter less at the sight of Luke Patterson.
“You’re an idiot,” she giggles, leaning back not enough to step out of his embrace but just enough to look at him, at the bright hazel eyes that are shining her way filled with adoration.
“I’ve been told,” he says solemnly. “Jules, has anyone ever told you you have an amazing voice?”
Heat travels to her cheeks. “Uhm.”
“Cause you have. You are. Amazing. And your voice is… wow. I know you said you don’t do music anymore but, Jules, you are so talented, you have no idea how much you kill me, I…” Finally, he pauses. Breathes. “I’m crazy about you, you know that?”
“I’ve been told,” she mimics, laughing when he rolls his eyes and mutters “Alex”.
“Hey, Luke?”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve been calling you loud obnoxious music neighbor.”
His laugh sounds like sunlight.
“I think that describes me very well.”
“And, Luke?”
“Yeah?”
“Does that mean you’re now loud obnoxious music boyfriend?”
He doesn’t answer, but his smile makes his eyes crinkle, and then his lips are against hers and that’s answer in itself.
The only thing she can think of is that somehow, they got it right.
Standing there together in the doorway to room 415, everything is in perfect harmony.
--
Epilogue
“Are you ready?” Luke’s grin is filled with excitement and Julie hates having to put a damper on it, but she genuinely feels like she’s about to throw up.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she groans, resting her head against the wall.
Which is probably not super sanitary, since they’re in a club and walls are never clean in clubs, not even backstage.
Luke’s hand is soft on her back. Like always, he’s right there at her side: not pushing her, not suffocating her, just gently reminding her that he’s there and he’s got her.
She wouldn’t be doing this if not for his constant support.
“You’ve got this, Jules!” Reggie yells, and Alex sends her an encouraging smile.
She wouldn’t be doing this if not for their constant support. Within the two months that she’s been dating Luke – and a little before that, too – they’ve become not only her best friends but her brothers, her family. And her band members.
She still can’t get over that one. Still can’t get that image out of her mind, of Luke on one knee in the garage, holding out a microphone like it was an engagement ring, and brand new piano sitting in the middle of the room.
“Please join our band and allow me and the boys to have your back while you take over the world with your talent,” he’d said, puppy eyes in full affect.
How was she supposed to say no to that?
But by now, she’s wishing she had. Their very first gig. How on earth is she gonna do this? How is she gonna do this without her mom?
“Hey.” Luke’s voice is gentle. “I know she’s watching.”
She turns to her boyfriend. His eyes are all too understanding and his smile soft. He knows her so well, better maybe than she knows herself.
“You’ve gotta experience life, remember?” Luke pushes, echoing words her mom once told her, words Julie repeated at him one night when they were curled together under the sheets.
Because he knows she needs to do this. Knows that once she’ll get onto that stage this will be the best decision of her life.
Knows that once she does this, she’ll finally be free. Free of that guilt that’s been eating at her. He knows that there’s a reason they wrote this song for their project: the project that brought them together.
Julie never thought about that until he asked her, a few weeks ago.
“That poem we wrote for class, that I put to melody? Do you wanna deep that out? We could make it an actual song.”
They spent days working on it, together. It had been the first time she touched a piano since her mom died, and the song became somewhat of a therapy session to her.
I wanna fly, come alive, watch me shine.
Julie had meant every word of that when she wrote it.
I got a spark in me and you’re a part of me.
She’d meant every word of that, too, singing it softly with Luke’s shoulder pressed against hers as he sat next to her on the piano bench.
Been so long and now we’re finally free.
That’s the lyric she’s felt untrue to. In order to be free, truly, she would have to perform the song. To an audience, not just to the boys.
And that’s what they’re about to do, because Luke made her believe she could.
Suddenly, it’s so clear to her. She hasn’t said it yet, and neither has he: although she’s felt it in every single time he’s made her breakfast or stared at her in amazement while she sang. Every time he’s made her laugh or held her while she cried.
“I love you,” she says. “Luke, I love you.”
A smile breaks out on his face and he leans closer, presses a kiss to her forehead because she’s just applied lip gloss and he knows he’s not allowed to mess that up.
“I love you too, Jules,” he hums. “So much. And I wouldn’t have asked you to do this if I didn’t know that you would rock it.”
“That we will rock it,” she corrects, and his smile only brightens. “Alex, Reggie? Band circle?”
The other boys appear at her sides like ghosts appearing out of thin air. They both take one of her hands and Luke’s eyes are fixed on hers like he’s never watched anything more beautiful, and the energy between them is sparkling.
“You’re gonna kill it, Jules,” Luke says.
“Legends on 3?” Reggie offers.
Alex counts. “1, 2, 3…”
“Legends!”