Archive of Our Own

Seungkwan stares at him. Hansol is pretty used to it, simply because Seungkwan likes to stare. He wonders what he did today to warrant him the honor. He's pretty sure he cut himself while shaving this morning but that happens almost every day, surely Seungkwan isn't realizing that just now. There are some pretty impressive bags under his eyes because of the morning shift he's had to take over at the last minute, but once again this happens at least twice a week, Seungkwan wouldn't be surprised by that.

"That's a new sweater you have here," Seungkwan says as he sits down.

It's hard to bite back the smile that creeps up on Hansol's face, but he manages to keep his cool. He looks down as if to check if it's still the same sweater he consciously put on this morning. It is. How marvelous is that? He shrugs, "I guess."

"That doesn't look like something you would wear at all."

Hansol hums and takes a bite of his salad. "Hmm. Maybe. Thought I'd try a new style."

Seungkwan scoffs and opens the plastic container to let the steam of his lunch out. "Right, as if I've seen you have any sense of style since we met."

"I did have that stylish phase when all I wore were shirts from bands I knew nothing of."

Seungkwan stares at him. "Hansol, this was not a stylish phase . This was a hate crime against me." Hansol laughs and Seungkwan goes on, his face turning a little pinker. "You don't understand how difficult it was for me to be associated with you in high school. I had to constantly act out my gayness to make sure none of your straightness would wash out on me."

Hansol is convinced this is another clear case of Seungkwan exaggerating things like only Seungkwan does it best. As far as Hansol remembers, he wasn’t that terrible in high school. Most of his friends back then turned out to be more or less queer, that has to be a sign of some sort. "I really think you're overplaying my straight phase, I wasn't that bad."

Seungkwan rolls his eyes but mumbles in approbation mid bite.

"It's not like I was claiming to be straight either. I was just... vibing."

"Well maybe it would have been nice to show off those vibes a little more so that I would have felt less alone."

"You act as if you didn't revel in being the only gay theater kid around."

Seungkwan smirks. "Maybe a little."

They eat in silence for a few minutes after that. Or at least Hansol is silent, Seungkwan on the other hand is retelling him the entirety of his morning radio show as if Hansol isn’t always playing the station in the hardware store he works at. Soon enough Seunkgwan's joyful story turns into a rant about Lee Chan, like most of Seungkwan’s rants tend to be.

"There's just... something about this dude. The way he sent a flower arrangement to the audio engineer who just got married, you'd think he was the husband." He looks up from his empty bowl with round eyes. "You don't think he's actually married to Min Yoongi, do you?" He shakes his head. "No, that's ridiculous. I'm pretty sure Yoongi already has someone. Or at least there's a car waiting for him in the evening and Lee Chan doesn't get in."

"Yeah this might be the craziest thing you've extrapolated from Lee Chan's behavior yet," Hansol comments.

Seungkwan shrugs. "Strangest things have happened."

Hansol considers it. "No, I don't think they have."

"Look at you and Park Jimin. That's pretty strange alright."

Hansol, against his will, blushes. "I don't see what you're talking about."

"Oh I'm just talking about how contemporary dancer Park Jimin, notorious for being so hot that he made the entire town pay attention to contemporary dance again, how he is dating Soundcloud rapper Vernon and hardware store employee Hansol. Does that make more sense to you?"

When he really wants it, Seungkwan can hit pretty close to where it hurts. Or even when he doesn't necessarily want it, which Hansol knows is the case most of the time by now. He knows how Seungkwan means it, and he agrees even, but it's still not amazing to be reminded. It doesn't hurt like it could have done when he was younger, less sure of himself, but it still stings a little. Not enough to express it, but enough to make him remember that yeah, Park Jimin is unfathomably cool and Vernon only has 100 monthly listeners on Soundcloud.

"We're not dating," he ends up saying. It's not a lie. It feels like one anyway. He’s been told to stop minimizing things but he’s arguably not the best at it. 

"Yeah right," Seungkwan scoffs, because of course he wouldn't allow Hansol to get away with anything. "He's seen the inside of your apartment more than I have."

"He only comes around to hang out with Leo,” Hansol reluctantly pouts, “and whatever cat Wonwoo has brought home that day."

Wonwoo doesn't actually live with them (Soonyoung and Hansol, that is). His own place doesn't allow pets and he sometimes needs to bring home some cats from the shelter he works at, so the arrangement he has with Soonyoung (and consequently Hansol) is that he gets to use their apartment as he pleases. It’s not exactly a fair trade, but it’s not really like Hansol minds. And even if he did, Soonyoung would probably not let him complain about anything Wonwoo does, preferring to do it himself.

The pet situation in the apartment is getting a little crazy though, even Hansol is willing to recognize that. There's always at least three cats living there now that Hansol has finally caved in and adopted his own. Leo's still a kitten but he's funny and sociable enough that Hansol can just hang around him all day and get his government mandated social interaction for the day. Soonyoung doesn't let him do that however. He will, no matter what happens, ask Hansol for advice on how to take care of their pet turtle. Right because they have a pet turtle too. Hansol isn't sure where they come from, Soonyoung had them before he moved in. One of the prerequisite for the roommate he was looking for was "comfortable and respectful of my gender non-conforming pet turtle." Really he should have seen it coming that their apartment would turn into a strange shelter with too many people crashing here and there without paying the bills.

Seungkwan rises up from his seat to throw away both of their trash and Hansol follows him outside the small lunch spot they've been hanging out in twice a week since graduating. "Next thing you're gonna tell me that Wonwoo only comes over for the pets, huh?"

Hansol looks at him like he knows he's been caught. "It's a little different though. They're like... practically married or something."

The air is fresh with spring scents and when the wind picks up gently, Seungkwan slides his arm under Hansol's and pulls him closer. "This could be your future too, if you play your cards right. I know you're probably really enamored with Park Jimin but think about the fiscal advantages."

Hansol laughs loudly. "You've been spending too much time with Jeonghan lately."

"Wrong. I've just been spending a reasonable amount of time listening to what he actually has to say." Seungkwan slaps his shoulder and Hansol pretends that it hurts. "You need to listen up too. You're too nice and passive. You need to take destiny by the horns... or something like that. Take the sweater you're wearing for example."

Hansol looks down. Still the same sweater. He smiles to himself. "What's wrong with my sweater?"

"Nothing. It doesn't even look small on you. But this is very much a Park Jimin sweater." They stop at a red light. Hansol keeps looking straight ahead, staring at the signal and begging it to allow them to cross the road faster so that he can escape this conversation. "Now I'm wondering if you asked to borrow it or if he forgot it at your apartment."

"He left it behind the last time he came over," Hansol responds on reflex. Maybe he should try harder to hold it off but he keeps thinking about what Jimin looked like when he buzzed at the door, what he looked like when he took off the sweater to make a nest for one of the stray cat because it wouldn't let Jimin get up and eat at the table with Hansol. Yeah it's a pretty nice sweater.

"Ah ha! Now I'm wondering if it was intentional of him. Did he want you to have this sweater or did he simply want to have a sweater at your place?" Seungkwan jumps on his feet out of excitement and at every bounce his eyes grow wider.

Hansol laughs nervously. "I think you're seeing too much into it. He just forgot it at my place and it was laundry day this morning so all of my clothes are damp."

"Hm. Sounds awfully convenient."

"It actually really isn't. One of the stray Wonwoo brought home yesterday was very stressed this morning and she kind of pissed everywhere."

Seungkwan's face distorts into disgust and he lets go of Hansol's arm. "Ew, what the hell?" Hansol nods gravely. The cars stop at the red light and Seungkwan crosses the road first, trying to get away from Hansol. 

"Don't run while crossing the road!" he shouts as he runs after his friend. They do end up on the other side of the road unharmed, and after resistance from Seungkwan, Hansol grabs his arm and locks it back with his. "I may have had cat piss on me this morning but I showered and changed clothes, thank you very much."

"One can never be too cautious with you."

Hansol grunts. "Come on! It was one time while we were camping. Can you let that go already?"

"You didn't shower for a week!"

"We went swimming in the lake every day! I didn't smell!"

Seungkwan opens his mouth to shoot something back but promptly closes it, the corner of his lips raising as he looks at Hansol with eyes that announce nothing good for him. "Do you want me to tell Park Jimin that story?"

Hansol pales. Seungkwan laughs. Of course that's what he was after, and of course Hansol fell right into his trap. He gulps and does his best to keep face, dragging them back on the route to the hardware store. "Whatever," he mumbles. "You can tell him. It doesn't matter, he knows I'm clean."

"Oh are you now... And how does he know that..."

"Oh shut up."

Despite Hansol's pleads, Seungkwan does not.

When he finally pushes the door to his apartment, he's exhausted and can barely stand on his feet. He's met with a few cats at the door, zigzagging between his legs and asking for pets. "Hey little ones," he whispers. He used to talk more loudly to the cats but then Soonyound made fun of him for his baby voice. He doesn't make fun of Wonwoo when he does the exact same thing - but he refuses to admit that when Hansol brings it up.

Leo is the last one to come see what the noise at the door is, ironically. His fur has been growing longer than Hansol expected, but it's a pleasant surprise. Jimin finds his face funny and he's not wrong. Though being able to look at Jimin bend in half in a fit of giggle is probably the best part about being a pet owner.

After the cats, Soonyoung always follows. "Hi Sollie."

"Hey," Hansol rises up to his feet with a cat in his arms. He's not sure when he picked it up or where Wonwoo said it came from. He's not sure he really wants to know. "Have you eaten dinner already?"

Soonyoung nods, touching Leo's paw with the tip of his foot. Leo jumps on him and tries to bite his toes off. He's growing so fast. "I ate at Wonwoo's."

"And you still came back home?"

"Yeah," he sighs. "Wasn't feeling like sleeping in his living room." There's a pinch of anger in his voice that Hansol knows all too well.

It's admittedly an odd thing to fight about, but Hansol thinks he knows where Soonyoung is coming from. Wonwoo's bed in his living room. Not because his apartment isn't big enough to have a bedroom though, no it's just because he turned his actual bedroom into a gaming room. Soonyoung likes video games, but clearly not as much as Wonwoo. In fact he may exclusively like games when they involve playing with Wonwoo, but that's neither here nor there. Point is, Soonyoung loves Wonwoo but doesn't love sleeping in the same room where they cook food. Something about it reminding him too much of his university days. Hansol doesn't know, he barely graduated high school.

However, he knows better than to comment on it now.

After feeding the cats and watching over Soonyoung care for the turtle (Hansol still doesn't know how he managed to take care of them before he got here), he makes himself a quick dinner that turns into a shapeless leftover goo. It's still pretty flavorful, so he counts that as a personal win for the day. He's careful not to drop anything on Jimin's sweater. Which reminds him that he hasn't yet sent Jimin's cat picture of the day. He pulls out his phone and calls for Leo who peaks his head through the door of the kitchen.

"Come here bud," he scoops him up with one hand, holding him close to his chest. Leo looks at him with big eyes before putting his paw on Hansol's jaw - his heart breaks a little. Leo then attempts to bite his ear off, which is more funny than painful. Hansol struggles to calm him down until he admits defeat and tries his best to snap a picture instead. It comes out blurry, Leo's vague orange shape in the middle of the frame with Hansol's smile hiding in the top right corner. He thinks it's pretty cute, right up Jimin's alley.

[picture]
getting a new piercing

> awww cute :(
> hadn't seen leo all day i was wondering when he was going to show up
> was wondering where you were too

Hansol drops his phone on the table, grunts and grabs his head in his hands. Sometimes life is very difficult, especially when there's a cute boy wondering where you were all day. What a struggle.

just working

> mmh you work too hard hansol

since when?

> if you don't even have time to send me a message during the day then yes, you’re working too hard
> need my hourly hansol content

haha
how was your day?

> good
> rehearsal was ruthless but i went shopping for new cushions with tae
> i was thinking about the song you showed me last time

There aren't a lot of people who get to hear Hansol's songs before they're finished. Soonyoung is one of them, but only because Hansol likes to sit in his home based studio with the music on very loudly to get a good feel of it. Jihoon usually gets a peak but that's because he's ruthless in his critiques and Hansol needs that sometimes. He's surrounded by too many nice people who just love everything he does. How dreadful is that. And then there's Jimin. He's neither too harsh nor too sweet. It’s the way he understands music like nobody else does. At least Hansol thinks so. Jimin can’t listen to a song without gently rocking his body to it, letting the sounds flow through his soul. If Hansol were religious at all, he’s pretty sure he’d find something holy in it. It’s not only Jimin’s reactions that are valuable, it’s the way he expresses himself too. How he says that he likes certain parts and thinks other parts need a little more work is so gentle, like he's trying so hard to help Hansol achieve the best for himself. It's odd, Hansol thinks. To have people like that surrounding you, rooting for you. Not that it isn't nice, no this might be the best Hansol has ever felt, but the fact that this has been going on since the first day they met.

Jimin and Hansol met on a dating app. Which is objectively a pretty terrible way to meet people. Hansol can count on one finger the amount of people he went on more than one date with. His theory is that since him and Jimin had texted so much before meeting up for the first time, it was almost like meeting an old friend. It was awkward at first, of course it was since Hansol was involved, but Jimin was so warm and welcoming that he melted right away.

A few weeks after that, Jimin came over for the first time because he really wanted to listen to Hansol’s music - who didn’t have anything saved on his phone and refused to pull up his Soundcloud in public. A question of principle. Hansol played the last song he’d written, something he was still working on with Jihoon. Jimin swayed from side to side, moving his shoulders to the rhythm. After a while he closed his eyes and only moved his lips in a slight smile when Hansol said a notable lyric.

When Hansol asked him what his thoughts on the song were, Jimin opened his eyes. They were sparkling and before Hansol could figure out what it meant, Jimin rested his hands on the back of his neck, gently brushing his overgrown hair. He smiled and listed all of the things he liked in the song with great detail. And then everything he didn’t think was good enough. There was arguably a lot on that list as well, maybe nearly as much as all the things Jimin liked, but it didn’t feel like Hansol had somehow disappointed him. He never stopped looking incredibly proud throughout all of his critique and Hansol… well. He knew then.

> i really like your song. like a lot. ive had it stuck in my head all day

oh cool
thanks

> :)
> do you wanna come over for dinner tomorrow? :)

sure
:)

Leo wiggles in Hansol's arms, wanting to be put down. At the same time, Soonyoung enters the kitchen with another cat in his arms. Hansol doesn't remember seeing it this morning.

"Who's that?" he asks.

Soonyoung looks at the cat's face, who looks back at him with a blank expression. "Not sure." Hansol nods knowingly. "Hey isn't that Jimin's sweater?"

Hansol looks down. Yep, still there. "Yeah."

"Did you ask him before wearing it?"

Oh . "Should I have done that?"

The thing about Hansol, which about anyone could have guessed by simply looking at him interacting with literally anyone ever, is that Hansol isn’t the best at human interaction. It’s not that he’s particularly awkward or anything like that, no he’s just kind of quiet. He’s always been like that, more of an observer than a commenter. So it happens that he misses a step or two in his observation that should have warranted a comment from him. 

Soonyoung shrugs and sits down in front of him. "No idea. I know half of Wonwoo's clothes are in my closet but some people might not like that."

"Seungkwan said Jimin might have left it there for me."

"Since when do you listen to Seunkgwan's love advice." Hansol tilts his head to the side. Fair enough. "It's not a big deal anyway,” Soonyoung says before looking down to scratch behind the cat’s ears. “Jimin's chill."

"You only say that because he indulges your SHINee obsession." Hansol might tease them about it a lot but he thinks it's pretty nice to see his roommate and his... friend, for lack of a better label for now.

Soonyoung smiles at the cat. “Hansol doesn’t understand Key does he?” He pouts at the cat and makes cute faces at it until it looks away. “She agrees,” he tells Hansol. “You don’t understand Key, how can you be trusted?”

Hansol rolls his eyes. “Of course I understand Key, I’m gay.”

Soonyoung parts his lips to contradict him again but reconsiders it. “Fair enough.”

"Remember the couple of guys we saw the other day? The ones who were vlogging outside?" Jimin nods and helps Hansol out of his coat. "I saw them on my way here again."

"Oh shit!" Jimin starts laughing before Hansol has even gotten to the funny bit. "What were they doing?"

"Vlogging, obviously."

"Duh, but what were they filming?"

Hansol shrugs and crashes on the couch, Jimin sits down next to him (more like one leg thrown over his lap). "I'm not sure. They were just talking to the camera with those big sunglasses on. They had "I Heart Chicago" shirts on for some reason."

Jimin frowns. “We don’t live in Chicago.”

“They made me consider it for a second.”

"They're making less and less sense."

"They are vloggers after all."

Jimin shifts on Hansol's lap until both of his knees are resting on Hansol's thighs. He looks like he's struggling to maintain the position a little, so Hansol holds on to his legs and places a secure hand on his lower back that brings their shoulders flushed together. From up close, Hansol can see the shy freckles scattered across Jimin's cheeks, he can see the pink of his nose and the butterfly beat of his eyelashes. He's always breathtaking, but there are times when Hansol becomes gravely aware of who he's standing next to. It always fills him with a strange awe that turns into pride. Pride to be here, to be wanted.

"You can kiss me if you want," Jimin whispers.

Surprisingly, it startles Hansol. He wasn't even thinking about Jimin's lips (which he actually does spend a good amount of time contemplating every day), he was getting lost in his aura. Seungkwan was right, Hansol really is turning into his mother. He can’t help but cringe a little at the revelation. Auras and energy flows is something his mother is really into. He doesn't really get it, but it makes his mother sound interesting. He used to think that's why she was saying stuff like that, to give herself a mysterious personality. It made him sad to think so, because his mother is genuinely interesting, she doesn't need astrology or whatever to prove it. But now that he's older and understands metaphysical feelings better, he thinks Jimin's aura is orange. Like the strange shade of orange that appears during a sunset, when the yellow of the sun turns into the pink of the night. That only time of the day when you can’t bring yourself to look away from the sun, but it doesn’t matter because it doesn’t even hurt. Hansol might be too trusting, but he doesn’t think there’s anything in Jimin’s aura that could wish him harm.

Jimin giggles. "Stop staring at me like that."

"Sorry."

He smiles, runs the back of his hand down Hansol's cheek. "Don't be. Did you want to eat something in particular tonight?"

With the precision of a skilled baseball player, Jimin redirects the conversation. (Hansol doesn’t actually know how baseball is played, but he thinks if Jimin wanted to swing a bat he’d be stellar at it.) The mood hasn’t changed really, Hansol is still running his hands up and down Jimin’s legs in a comfortable and mindless way, Jimin is still laughing cutely as they chat about nothing. Hansol still feels basked in the warmth of his shimmering aura. They’re just talking about another topic, as if Jimin hadn’t brought up some monumental concept that Hansol has been overthinking a lot lately. 

More often than not, Hansol doesn’t know what’s going on. He’s doing quite fine with the limited knowledge of things he has, however. So more often than not, Hansol isn’t sure what others are expecting him to do. He’s fine just sharing his time and space with Jimin like that, but if he doesn’t notice Jimin showing signs that he wants their physical affection to evolve, Hansol is not going to instigate it. Usually, in the few and short relationships Hansol has been in before, it’s been a sort of issue. His partners would complain that he’s not taking enough initiative and when he would try asking them what they wanted him to do, they would tell him that Hansol should already know, because he should be wanting the same things. Which is an incredibly frustrating situation to be in, which makes it even worse that Hansol has had to live something like that several times. Jimin isn’t like that at all.

Jimin has never looked at Hansol like he wasn’t doing enough, like he was disappointing him in some way Hansol couldn’t predict. So when he says you can kiss me if you want , Hansol knows how he means it. That, to Hansol, means more than he could ever express. Jimin tells him that if he wants to he can do things, but he doesn’t deflate when Hansol gets startled by the idea that others could be wondering what he wants.

Jimin’s hand moves to massage Hansol’s scalp and he melts into the couch. There’s this thing about Jimin’s aura, the sense of unconditional warmth. You step one foot in its halo and you’ll never want to leave. Hansol tries to block the thought away, because it’s a dangerous one. He knows where that path leads and he’s at least aware enough that maybe it’s not the smartest thing for him to be feeling, or thinking, too hard about.

There are plenty of things hard on their relationship (one being the indefinite nature of it for a start - at least for Hansol it’s difficult), but he knows it’s all worth it. So he hangs on, holds Jimin a little closer to his chest and dares to kiss the corner of his mouth sweetly when Jimin smiles and lights up the whole room.

They decide on ordering take out, Jimin places an order for Taehyung as well who's running late from class. He teaches saxophone at a cultural center and the adult classes usually always run longer than planned. Jimin suggests watching something while they wait for the food and the Taehyung to arrive, Hansol nods. He pecks Jimin's cheek when he gets off his lap to grab the TV remote and it's enough to fluster Jimin and turn his ears an embarrassing shade of pink. It's nice to know that Hansol has that effect on someone. That he can move someone the same way he's moved oh so often.

Taehyung gets home before the food arrives. "Hey Hansol, it's been a while," they say like he does every time. And every time it's only been a couple of days since they last saw each other. Hansol is fairly sure he sees Taehyung as much as he sees Jimin. Not that he’s complaining about it.

He's quick to toss off his shoes and wiggle his toes all the way to the couch. They drop next to Jimin, hugging him from behind. "I missed you guys today," they mumble against Jimin's shoulder blades.

"Aw, I missed you too," Jimin coos. It's difficult to maneuver three bodies on such a small couch, but Jimin makes it work. (Is there anything he isn’t good at? That's a question Hansol has been trying to answer for a long time.) He waves his fingers through Taehyung's permed curls while his other hand finds balance on Hansol's thigh. "Did you have a long day?" Taehyung doesn't answer but Hansol can see the top of their head moving.

"Food is on its way," he says. Taehyung perks up and thanks him with a dopey smile.

"I'll leave you two to it for now," he decides as he painfully detaches themselves from Jimin's back.

"Okay," Jimin replies sweetly, holding onto Taehyung's hand to keep them here for one more second. "Do you want me to bring you your food when it gets here?"

They think it over for a second before nodding. "If it's not too much to ask. I'm kind of already ready to sleep."

"Don't forget to take off your make-up."

"Yes Jimin, I know."

They smile at each other silently before Jimin lets go. Hansol is used to seeing them together like this, but it never fails to make him feel like some type of goo has taken over his stomach. When he talked about it with Soonyoung for the first time, he asked Hansol what kind of goo he was talking about. He knows it's the good kind of goo, so if you were to ask him to describe the aura of the goo? Something like a deep ocean blue with specks of white foam that sparkle in the moonlight.

There's this painting his mother made once. A purple field under a bright red sky. The mountains are blue and so are the trees. When he tries to describe it, he can never find the right words. The colors aren't saturated but they're bright in a comfortable way. He can barely remember what it looks like now, he hasn't seen it with his own eyes in so long. It's not the same feeling when you see it in person. In person it makes him feel fizzy on the inside. Like his blood is bubbling with excitement - but also like someone is massaging his scalp and he’s one blink away from sleep. The thing about his mother’s paintings is that Hansol doesn’t get them. In general he doesn't really get paintings or how you're supposed to experience them.

Jimin is like him in that regard. They went to a museum once with Minghao (who dances with Jimin) and his boyfriend, Namjoon. They were very into contemporary paintings in particular and kept falling into deep and easy conversation about the techniques and emotions they made them feel. Hansol and Jimin just hung out in the back with their fingers intertwined, stealing glances at each other, silently conversing. “Do you know what this is supposed to look like?” “No idea but the color is nice!”

Having feelings for Park Jimin is similar to walking in a gallery of paintings you don’t know how to interpret. Hansol knows what he feels, but he can’t bring himself to put it into words. Watching Jimin and Taehyung live their comfortable domestic routine is like staring at a painting that makes you feel a strange and inviting warmth. Something that makes you long and yearn for the comfort they depict. Except that Hansol is in the painting too. He's sitting by the window, looking at them while holding Jimin's hand. In his mind the painting is purple, shades of red, the deep blue of Jimin's eyes. It makes him feel bubbly to see them like that - to be a part of them like that.

Hansol is pretty good at thinking. So he thinks all that, but he’s barely doing anything about it. In his head, he’s already envisioning himself presenting Jimin as his boyfriend. But in reality he feels so far from that stage. Jimin is his special friend . Something more, but still not enough. However, he knows he’ll get there in time. Sure, it’s something that’s on his mind a lot and he wishes he could stop turning Jimin and his relationship like a problem to solve. He’ll get there. There’s no doubt about it. 

Jimin sighs as he lowers his head on Hansol's shoulder, making him blink away from his thoughts. "Thank you for being here," he whispers.

Hansol chuckles. "Why are you saying it like that?"

"Just... Thank you for being you. And being here. I like it when you're here."

He kisses the crown of Jimin's head. "I like being here too."

When he first explained the situation to Seungkwan, he didn't get it. First he didn't understand why his straight friend Hansol was trying to date a guy - to which Hansol explained that he's actually been bi for a while now, even brought out his pride flag pin and everything. He apologized for forgetting to come out, but he really thought Seungkwan had gotten the memo considering how much pride themed clothes and accessories Hansol owns. 

(Apparently Hansol’s fashion sense is horrible enough that Seungkwan didn’t even consider the tie-dye ensemble to be a sign. Apparently wearing tie-dye clothes isn’t a particularily gay outfit choice. That one really surprised Hansol.) 

Then came trying to explain why they’re taking it slow - Jimin is worried it might be too much and doesn’t want to pressure Hansol more than necessary. The hardest thing to explain, and Hansol is still not sure Seungkwan understands, is that Jimin has a boyfriend. Sort of. They call each other soulmates and live together and do a lot of things that boyfriends do, but they don’t want to label themselves.

Taehyung called it being “life-partners” once and Hansol tried very hard to contain how much this made his heart soar. He’s not one to care all that much about labels anyway. He guesses that comes from his mom. Where she sees aura he sees connections, affection, a list of people you know to count on if anything bad ever happens. That’s what matters to him the most after all, to have the certainty that he will receive help if he ever asks for it.

This list isn’t very long, not when he tries his best to cut down all of the people who would be of great help in certain situations (Jeonghan for exemple, he’ll call him but only if he’s ever in trouble with other people. He’s too scared of Jeonghan to ask him for anything other than protection), but it’s one he holds close to his heart. His parents are pretty high, Seunkgwan almost at the same level as them. Simply because Seungkwan knows too much of him, knows him too much, to not be a part of solving any kind of problem he might have. He’s not sure how the order goes after Seunkgwan, but he knows Jimin is up there. And he knows Taehyung is there too. That’s all that really matters to him.

That’s not all that matters to Seungkwan however. It took weeks of explaining and reassuring for him to stop pestering Hansol with how this new relationship of his is going to end dramatically, to only make him roll his eyes and pout that he just wants what’s best for Hansol. The worst part is that Seungkwan does want what’s best for Hansol - in an infuriating way that makes Hansol want what’s best for himself in return. Sometimes Hansol’s internal monologue sounds an awful lot like Seungkwan, pestering him to say something if it’s really bothering him so much! It’s pretty terrible to have Seungkwan as your internal monologue, because he never stops. So Hansol spends the entire evening thinking about what it would take for him to be Jimin’s boyfriend? How far along the process is he? What did the forgotten sweater mean? Was he not supposed to wear it? Would Jimin get upset? No, that much Hansol knows - there isn’t much he can fuck up with Jimin. That helps relieve some of the anxiety swarming in his mind, but unfortunately not enough that he can fully enjoy his time eating with Jimin while watching a movie Hansol barely registers.

Before he realizes, it’s already time for him to leave. He doesn’t stay at Jimin and Taehyung’s apartment very often, which is another thing his internal Seungkwan is pestering him about. "Stay warm," Jimin scolds him warmly as he leans against the wall in the entryway. Hansol hums and wraps his scarf a little tighter. As he puts his beanie on, he exhales loudly and after hearing Seungkwan tell him that it’s now or never - he decides that now is always better.

"By the way," he starts and his voice cracks awkwardly. He cleans his throat to the sound of Jimin quietly laughing behind his hand. "You left a sweater at my place the other day."

To Hansol's surprise, Jimin tilts his head. "I did? Which one?"

"Large, brown."

"Thanks, that's a very useful description."

Hansol smiles at his shoes. "I mean, it's knitted, large like it fits me and must look big on you."

"I see. How do you know it fits you? Did you try it on?"

He looks up to see one of the most mischievous smile he's seen on Jimin in a while. He looks at Hansol like he's going to feed on his darkest secret to retain eternal youth and... Hansol can't really say it's not something that sounds at least a little appealing. He's not sure what to respond, however, because Jimin already knows the answer to his question. So his mouth stays shut, as he tries his best to contain the embarrassment. It’s clearly a lost battle with how Jimin's gaze gets more piercing and his smirk widens.

"Did you like it?"

Hansol shrugs.

"You can keep it if you want."

"Do you not want it back?"

Jimin shakes his head and leans away from the wall, shoulders relax like he's not burning every bone in Hansol's body. "I think this one would suit you better than it does me."

Hansol bites his lower lip, trying to find something to say. He's not very good in situations like these (despite what his rap verses would pretend otherwise). Jimin knows him though, he knows that sometimes he flirts and he's not going to get a response. They've talked about this before, about Hansol's boundaries with expressing affection. They do that a lot, talk. Hansol thinks it's nice, Seungkwan thinks Jimin is too much of a sweet talker to be trusted. Soonyoung just likes how much Jimin can talk about SHINee. Hansol likes how much Jimin talks.

Sometimes Hansol thinks Jimin knows him better than he knows himself. He knows when to wrap up a moment, taking the awkwardness away from Hansol like it’s the easiest thing in the world. He knows when to come up to Hansol, put his hands on the collar of his coat and pull him closer enough to leave a sweet kiss on his lips. Hansol barely has the time to close his eyes before Jimin is leaning away, looking at him with something more sweet than mischievous in his eyes (finally, it makes the fire in Hansol’s guts quieten). He opens the door and gently helps Hansol shake off the hold Jimin has on him.

"Keep the sweater," Jimin smiles and his crinkle and his lips show all of his teeth and Hansol's life is a little wonderful. "It's Taehungie's anyway."

Next time Hansol wears the sweater, it's raining. He promised to go by Jimin's dance studio before going home and intends very much on keeping his word - but due to unforeseen circumstances (a guy walking in three minutes before closing time and going through seemingly every item in the store before leaving without even saying goodbye), he's running late. Hansol hasn't even had time to text Jimin before he started sprinting back home, choosing to have faith in his condition. His cardio is pretty good, but the pressure he's putting on his shoulders isn't helping him focus on his breathing. Or holding the umbrella over his head.

He arrives at Jimin's studio 3 minutes after the arranged meeting (wow!) and drenched to his bones (less impressive). Jimin looks at him like he's found a lost puppy and, well Hansol does feel like a wet dog.

"Oh Sollie," Jimin coos. He only ever calls him Sollie in extreme cases, which apparently is one of them. "Did you run here?"

Hansol nods. "I was going to be late."

"Babe, I would have waited."

Hansol isn't big on pet names himself, but he's never minded being called sweet things. He's always been rather neutral about it really, sometimes a cute name will be said with so much emotion behind it that it will touch him and make him feel all gooey inside, but most of the time he just finds it funny. When it comes to Jimin though, like most things are, it's an entirely different ordeal. When Jimin calls him "babe" or "dear" or really anything that isn't his full legal government name, Hansol dies a little. Metaphysically that is. He can feel his aura fading.

"Let's get you dry, okay?" Jimin decides and takes the umbrella from Hansol to place it perfectly between the two of them. He holds onto Hansol's arm to keep him close and covered.

After a while, the rain slows down. The sound of it hitting the umbrella quieten and they're able to hold a conversation again. Hansol asks Jimin how as rehearsal, Jimin grunts. He asks him how his shift went, Hansol grunts. It makes them laugh and Jimin folds against Hansol's chest. The umbrella moves and doesn't cover either of them, but they don't really care.

Hansol laughs because Jimin is laughing but he can't stop thinking about what they must look like on the outside. Two dudes laughing in the rain. It makes him laugh even harder - until he gets splashed by a hard wave of cold water. Jimin stops abruptly and looks towards the side of the curb they're walking on.

A guy is standing there, an empty water bottle in his hand. "Fucking hate this shit!" he shouts to himself.

Hansol's jaw drops and he stares in disbelief. "What the fuck?"

Jimin squints and his hand tightens around Hansol's arm. "Lee Hongbin?"

"Ruined my fucking day," the man mumbles and walks away from them at a fast pace.

Jimin turns to Hansol, his mouth still wide open and his eyes clouded in confusion. "What just happened?"

"You know that guy?"

"Yeah. I think so? He was at Yoongi's graduation party."

"Huh. Weird."

"Should we...?" Jimin points towards them. Hansol nods quickly and they run all the way back to his apartment, ditching the umbrella to stop pretending like it's serving its purpose.

The bad thing about being in an apartment full of cats is... well there are actually plenty of disadvantages. Hansol thinks if he was any different he would have asked Soonyoung to stop helping out Wonwoo. However he's him, so he doesn't actually care all that much. He's always got an armful of cats, so is there really anything he can complain about? However when you're so drenched in rain water that droplets fall as you walk up the stairs, cats don't always like that.

When they step in, all of the cats come see what the commotion is all about like they always do, but when Jimin forgets everything else to focus on getting his hands on a cat, they recoil as his wet hands and scatter around the apartment.

Jimin turns back to Hansol from where he's ended up spread across the floor. "They hate me."

"Sure they do. Let's get you dry."

"Your cats hate me and that doesn't bother you?" he pouts.

"I can't really blame them."

Jimin feigns an offended shock. "I can't believe you could casually dismiss me like that. Just because I am full of water doesn't mean you get to forget about me."

Hansol rolls his eyes. "As if I ever could." He brings Jimin to his feet by pulling on his arms with as much strength as he can muster. "Let's get changed so I can wash your clothes."

"Fine. You're spared, for now. And only because you're doing the laundry." Jimin smiles and Hansol feels brave enough to lean in and kiss him on the corner of the mouth.

"Thank you," Jimin whispers. Hansol flushes.

"Why are you thanking me... It's nothing..."

"Not to me."

There's something about Park Jimin that Hansol hasn't told anyone. Especially not Seungkwan. Hansol is pretty sure he's in love with him. He's also pretty sure he's doing a wonderful job keeping it all in. But the truth of it all is that the more time he spends with Jimin, the more Hansol notices that the things he says, the things he does, they all seem to have an effect on him. A positive one at that. He looks at Jimin smiling to himself and feels his heart drop in his chest, his stomach tense. Jimin says thinks like "thank you" after he's kissed him and he feels like his entire body is trying to fuse with the ground.

He's doing a pretty good job at keeping it all in however. He doesn't think it would be the end of the world if Jimin found out, but it's also not his goal for now. It's too early, too raw for what they're sharing. It will come in its own time, Hansol is sure of that, and he's nothing if not a patient man. That's the scary part of this lovely feeling too. Hansol is convinced that he'd be willing to wait for years living life just like that. He probably won't be happy after a while, but he'd endure it all just to see Jimin smile with all his teeth, crooked front tooth out in all of its glory. He'd do anything to be lead to the laundry room every day, to wait in front of the door while Jimin changes in Hansol's clothes that fit too wide on his hips. He'd do anything do change fast enough that he doesn't lose a second of his time with Jimin.

No, he doesn't tell Seungkwan all of that. Because for one he would absolutely make fun of him, which Hansol can't really blame him. But he wouldn't understand Hansol's patience. He wouldn't understand that Hansol is satisfied with just that. For now at least. Seungkwan always wants more, always wants the best. Hansol finds comfort in what he has so far. What he has in this case is Jimin sitting on the stool next to the washing machine, holding out his hand for Hansol to hold it.

"You wore the sweater today," he points out.

"Hm."

"I was right. It does suit you."

"Taehyung doesn't miss it?"

"Nah, they haven't even noticed it's gone. I think I might have stolen it months ago actually, I don't remember myself."

Hansol laughs to himself remembering what a big deal Seungkwan had made out of it. Jimin’s eyes tell him to share the story. “It’s just that Seungkwan was theorizing that maybe you had left it there on purpose. Either to encourage me to wear it or to… I’m not sure actually. Mark your territory maybe?”

Jimin laughs dryly. “Seungkwan’s always so funny.” He hops off the stool and gently pats Hansol’s shoulder. “Keep the clothes, I’m stealing yours.”

Hansol has been wearing Jimin's (Taehyung's) sweater for three weeks when everything goes south. He wakes up one gloomy Tuesday to a whole in it, right where heart is. He looks at himself in the mirror, taking in the pitiful picture he paints. Seeing the torn sweater right over his heart makes him daydream of tragic heartbreak, the kind that makes you want to write poetry. He thinks he could get a good song out of this, not really his current mindset but he's not about to complain that he isn't sad enough for sad songs. He doesn't have a melody yet, but he can see the vibe of the instrumentals, something mellow but with enough flair that it stays interesting, something-

Something moves in the mirror. Hansol springs around and sees a gray shadow run along the wall. At the exact same time, Soonyoung bursts his door open, two cats in his arms, and shouts, "WE HAVE RATS!"

At first it doesn't seem real, but sure enough they get a message from the landlord telling them of a rat infestation in the building. What sucks the most is that he refuses to pay for people to take care of the rats, each renter left to their own fate. Hansol's first reaction is to convince them that they have four cats in the apartment at the moment, surely one of them will take care of the problem - none of them do. When a rat pokes its head from behind the couch, all of the cats cower in fear and hide behind Hansol's legs. So much for being fierce predators. Hansol looks at Leo, utterly disappointed, but he can't keep up his frown by how small he looks. Now he's convinced if a rat and Leo were to fight in paw to hand combat, Leo wouldn't last 5 minutes.

While Soonyoung is on the phone with Wonwoo, probably crying a little, Hansol texts Jimin.

sorry i wont be able to meet up today

> oh no :( is everything alright?

i think so

we just have rats

> what

rat infestation in the building

> what about your cats?

they're as terrified as soonyoung

> well shit :(
> is there anything i can do to help?

idrk. we need to take of it ourselves

> oh! i know a guy who knows a guy

?

> he's got a cruelty free rat handling business

i dont think i know what that means

> let me call him

After an hour spent thinking about how right he was that Jimin would have his back if he ever needed (while trying his best to calm Soonyoung down by throwing as many cats on his lap as physically possible), Hansol buzzes two guys in. They introduce themselves as Sehun and Shinwon, but Hansol can't really focus on anything else they're saying.

"Why is there a parrot on your shoulder?" he bursts out, pointing at the bird hanging out on Shinwon.

"Oh this little guy? A friend of a friend needed someone to babysit him while he's traveling overseas," Shinwon explains with a reassuring smile that seems oddly too earnest. He leans towards Hansol, cupping his hand over his mouth as if to prevent the parrot from hearing him. "He's got a bit of an abandonment issue," he whispers, "so we need to take him to work. He's surprisingly good with rats though!"

Sehun nods and tries to caress the bird's head - who snaps his beak at him, and he recoils his hand with worry deep in his eyebrows.

"Okay," Hansol says, dragging on the syllables. Soonyoung comes out of his bedroom with a cat in his arm, shyly introduces himself. The cat seems more interested by the parrot than the rat, so they quickly gather all the felines to lock them up in the bathroom, the only place they could check was rat-free.

"How does this work?" Hansol asks, watching over Sehun and Shinwon from a corner of the living room.

"We're gonna trap the rats," Sehun explains, "and securely bring them to a safe environment we have prepared for them."

Hansol nods. "It's really cool that you're doing this without hurting them."

Shinwon smiles, all proud. "I know, right? It was my fiancé's idea, I joined in on his business a few months ago."

Sehun glances over at Shinwon with a blissful expression. "My fiancé is a natural rat trapper. I've never seen anyone with such gifted skills before." They stare at each other lovingly for a second and Hansol feels uneasy with the atmosphere they've created.

He clears his throat, "So I take it you're getting married?"

"Yes!" Shinwon shouts, appearing out of nowhere in front of Hansol to brandish a ring on his middle finger. Startled by the sudden movement, the bird flies off of his shoulder and lands on the floor, right where they were about to set the rat trap. "We're not getting actually married because we don't believe in marriage as an institution recognized by the state," Shinwon spurts out in one breath, "but we are having a ceremony just so I can call him my husband. It's going to be Lord of the Rings themed!"

Hansol blinks. "Cool."

His phone buzzes in his front pocket and he takes this as an opportunity to get out of the room, awkwardly sliding against the wall and signaling that he has to take this phone call. Sehun and Shinwon give him thumbs up and get right back to work.

"Jimin," he breathes out heavily, sliding down his bedroom door. "Who the fuck are these guys?"

"Aren't they so much fun!"

"Sure, that's one way to look at things."

Jimin giggles and oh would you look at that, all of Hansol's problems have dissipated. "Are they actually handling the problem?"

"Hm. They've got a parrot helping them."

"Oh Toto! It's been so long since I've seen him, how's he looking?"

Hansol stares at the ceiling. "Fine, I guess? I don't know anything about parrots."

Jimin hums, "That checks out. Toto is Beomgyu's parrot, he's brought him over a couple of times because he has-"

"Abandonment issues, yeah I've heard."

Hansol can hear Jimin smile on the other side of the line. "I'm sure you'll grow to like them."

"Hm. They're your friends, right?"

"Sure! I do have an invite to their wedding ceremony."

Hansol's mouth dries out. He didn't know that. He doesn't know when the ceremony is but he didn't know it was happening at all. "That's nice," he manages to say.

"The dress code is... particular." Jimin laughs. "I think I might need to put on some elf ears."

"Aren't elves supposed to be tall?"

Jimin whines, and Hansol laughs, and Jimin talks about something else. Hansol is only half listening. He doesn't like thinking that he's owed certain things, especially not in a relationship. But if Jimin wanted to bring Hansol to the wedding, surely he would have said something, right? If he had wanted Hansol to be his plus one, he would have mentioned it already - especially if Hansol needs to get himself some elf ears to match Jimin's. At least that's one less thing to worry about, right?

It still makes him feel sour. Seungkwan is back in his mind, acting as a terrible voice of reason. He's seeing the inner pettiness Hansol is feeling right now, and he's encouraging it - of course he is. He's also saying that maybe this is the exact mood he was looking to set in the song about heartbreak. Hansol, unfortunately, agrees a little.

"By the way," he says, probably cutting Jimin mid sentence. He shouldn't be doing that, no matter how much voice-of-reason-Seungkwan seems to support it. "One of the rat ate your sweater."

Jimin gasps, sounding physically pained. "Oh no... Did it ate the entire thing?"

"No, just a big piece over the heart."

"It's ruined then." Jimin doesn't seem to hear the irony that Hansol is feeling.

"Sorry," he mumbles no matter what.

"Don't apologize babe, it's not like you let lose a bunch of rats in your closet."

"Yeah, I guess."

"I'll let you borrow another one," he suggests sweetly. So sweet that Hansol feels bad for allowing Seungkwan to let him dwell in his pettiness. No, it's not Seungkwan's fault, it's Hansol. He should be at least considerate enough to not pin all of his problems on his friend.

He sighs, sudden fatigue making his limbs heavy. "It's fine. Who knows, next time we might get a cockroach infestation and your sweater will get worse."

"Do cockroaches eat fabric?" Jimin wonders.

"No idea."

"I hope not that sounds horrifying-"

A scream resonates through the apartment.

"Hansol?"

He jumps to his feet, swings open his door just in time to see Soonyoung evacuate the bathroom, immediately followed by the cats.

"I have to go," he tells Jimin.

"What happened?"

"Soonyoung was hiding in the bathroom with the cats but I think a rat must have gotten in."

"Oh yikes... take care of him, okay?"

"Hm."

"Take care of yourself too," Jimin's tone is sweet and all it does is make Hansol feel worse.

"Yeah. Call you later." He hangs up before Jimin can be any nicer to him.

He meets Soonyoung in the kitchen, who is sitting on the kitchen counter and frightened to his bones. "You don't get it," he frantically says, gripping Hansol's arm, "it came out of nowhere. One second everything was fine and I was finally calming down and the next there's this big rat sitting at the bottom of the tub."

"Maybe it just needed a bath."

Soonyoung rolls his eyes. "The situation is dire, Hansol, now is not the time for silly jokes."

Shinwon enters the kitchen, his habitual smirk plastered on his face and the parrot back on his shoulder. "The situation is under control!" Sehun follows right after him, carefully holding a cage in his arms. Hansol can see three rats in it, still a little agitated but slowly calming down. They’re quite small, considering the amount of trouble they’ve been causing them all morning. They’re all huddled together on one side of the cage, looking at the bird on Shinwon’s shoulder. The bird barely pays attention to them, but the rats seem fascinated.

“Are they safe?” Soonyoung asks, his voice trembles.

Sehun nods, “Probably the happiest rats in the building!” 

Hansol points at the cage. “Is it normal for rats to look at parrots like that?”

Shinwon glances over his shoulder. “No idea! But it is pretty convenient.” Sehun elbows him on the side, he startles but seems to get the telepathic message. He pulls out a bundle of visit cards and hands them to Hansol. “Please feel free to recommend our services to the rest of the building residents. It would be sad to see them call people who would hurt the rats.”

The visit cards say in bold letters, “SQUARE - Shinwon & Sehun, Queerness, Unity, Artistry, Rats, Egality.” Hansol stares at it for a second. “I don’t understand, what is your business about again?”

“Oh we do all sorts of stuff,” Sehun explains. “We’re mostly focusing on dealing with rats right now because there seems to be a global issue in the city, but we’re also in a band that can perform at any type of event. Shinwon can even officiate a wedding, if you’re ever in need.”

Hansol glances over at Soonyoung who’s staring back at him with the same confused expression. “Nooo?” he says hesitantly. “I think we’re both good for now, but thank you for the offer.”

Shinwon shoots him a finger gun and a wink. “If there’s ever something strange in your building, you know who to call.”

“Ghostbusters,” Hansol mumbles without a second thought.

Sehun sighs, “I told you we should have called the business Mouse Busters.”

“But we’re not busting mices.”

“Think about the added pop culture value we could have benefited from.”

Shinwon claps his hands together. It startles the bird and the rats get agitated, giving Sehun a hard time holding the cage still. "Anyway, we'll go bring those bad boys home."

"Right," Hansol nods and shows them the way out. "Thank you again for your help. How much do I owe you?"

"Oh nonsense," Sehun dismisses him. "A friend of Jimin shouldn't have to pay to get their rats taken care of. All we ask of you is to please spread the word about our business."

Hansol waves the business cards at them. "Will do!"

"Maybe we'll see you at the wedding ceremony!" Shinwon shouts from down the hall. Hansol tenses and closes the door.

"Are you going with Jimin?" Soonyoung asks him, a random cat still in his arms.

Hansol shakes his head. "No." He walks to the turtle resting quietly in their tank, like nothing going on in the world could ever disturb them. Hansol wishes he was a turtle sometimes. "No, I haven't been invited."

He doesn't talk about it with Jimin. Of course he doesn't. How embarrassing of him to be upset over not being invited to the wedding of people he doesn't even know. He tries to get over it, he really does, but he's failing miserably. One evening he stares at Jimin's sweater, the one with the heart torn out of it, but all Hansol can see is a grim irony of fates. He manages to finish his heartbreak song more easily than expected. It's also sadder than expected so he does his best to add as much funk to the beat.

No matter how upset he is (mostly at himself), Hansol is still a terribly weak man, so when Jimin asks him if he's made any new song lately, Hansol sends him a mp3 file and nothing else. Jimin replies with a heart, and nothing else.

Hansol stares at that heart for an embarrassing amount of time, wondering if this means as much to Jimin as it does to him. He's stuck in a loop of thinking back on their entire relationship, trying to analyze if maybe Jimin wasn't following Hansol as much as he thought he did. And then Jimin sends him a 5 minutes long video.

It starts with Jimin setting the phone on the ground, smiling cutely at the camera. He backs away once the phone is stable, and the dance studio appears behind him. He says something to someone on the side of the screen, Hansol can't figure out, but a second later his song starts playing in the studio and Minghao joins the center of the stage. The both of them dance and Hansol can't stop staring. Their movements are not quite coordinated yet, but seem to have choreographed the entire thing in 30 minutes.

Jimin moves like he's underwater, feeling the air brush over his body, slowing his movements down while making him float. He moves like he feels the music through his bones, like he hears Vernon's voice in his soul and lets it guide him however it wants. There's something mesmerizing about the way he dances, and it's all the more personal and touching that he's doing that to Vernon's song.

He gulps and closes the video after his fourth watch.

ure amazing

> ^3^

seriously.. thank you im so honored

> awww cute :((
> thank you for making such good songs <3

Hansols opens the video again and by now it feels like he’s already learned all of Jimin’s movements by heart, so he lets his eyes wander and watches Minghao dance. He wouldn’t exactly call the two of them friends, simply because they haven’t had a lot of chances to hang out alone. Hansol met Minghao almost right after meeting Jimin  from picking him up from the dance studio the first time. They’ve gone out on double dates a few times, Minghao has even sent him a couple of songs that he thought Hansol might like through texts. They’re not abundantly close, so it would be weird if Hansol texted him out of the blue, right? It would be even weirder if it was to meet up for tea and ask for advice, right? Because out of all the people he knows, Minghao is the one who’s closest to Jimin while being remote enough from Hansol. But asking him would be weird, right?

He toys with his phone a few times, worrying over his lower lip until he can taste the faintest drop of blood - and eventually gives up.

hey, what’s up

> oh hi! not much, just closing the studio. jimin’s showering right now but he’ll be out in a minute

cool. i was actually wondering if you would like to meet up someday

> just us?

yeah. is that weird?

> of course not
> just surprising
> how about some tea?

“So,” Minghao starts in the middle of pouring Hansol another cup, “are you ready to talk about why you wanted to meet up?”

Hansol gulps. “Maybe I just wanted some tea.” He almost cancelled the entire thing while getting ready. Seungkwan called him this morning to tell him about the last thing Lee Chan from the radio station did. Hansol let him talk for a long time, distracted by the thoughts of "maybe it would be best to talk about this with Seungkwan" and others "will it just make everything awkward to talk about this with Minghao?" Hansol settled on the fact that he did want to go get tea with Minghao, no matter what they talked about, and that he definitely does not want to talk about his relationship problems with Seungkwan. He's already Hansol's consciousness, he doesn't need him to give him actual advice.

"Not that I mind hanging out with you," Minghao gives him a gentle smile as he rests his chin in the palm of his hand, "but you have to admit it's a little unusual."

Hansol takes a sip of tea. "Usual things must have all started by being unusual."

Minghao hums. "You're quite good at avoiding the subject."

"Thank you."

"Seriously Hansol, there's clearly something bothering you."

Hansol bites his lower lip, eyes not leaving the wavering water in the tea cup. "I've just been feeling... insecure. And I'm having a hard time figuring out if it's justified or not." He dares to glance up just to see Minghao frowning - and immediately looks back down.

"What is making you insecure?"

"My relationship," Hansol answers quietly.

"With Jimin?" He nods. Minghao sighs. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me a lot unfortunately."

He finally lets go of the staring context he was having with a crumb of biscuit on the table. "What do you mean by that?"

Minghao considers his words carefully. "Jimin is quite insecure himself." That seems inconceivable to Hansol, but he supposes that's not a very considerate thing to think. "I don't want to talk about things that aren't my place to bring up, but you should talk to him."

"Yeah, I knew you were going to say that," Hansol mumbles, not hiding his disappointment very well.

"What are you insecure about exactly?"

Hansol takes another sip, wondering if maybe this was a useless idea. At least the tea is relaxing. "I'm insecure by the fact that our relationship isn't well defined. So much so that apparently he gets invited to a wedding and doesn't bring it up to me so I can be his date there. Which is absolutely his right," he quickly adds, "it just shows that while I was expecting him to invite me, he wasn't. And that's fine in itself, it just means we're on different wave lengths."

Minghao hums. "Is it Shinwon and Sehun's wedding?" Hansol nods. "I don't want to take any sides but you don't know them, do you?"

"Yeah."

"Well, if I had to guess I would think Jimin thought it might not be a good idea to invite you to a party where you don't know anyone."

"I would have known him," Hansol answers with a small voice.

"Before you talk to him about it, it's not fair to be judging him on intentions you know nothing of."

Minghao is right. That doesn't surprise Hansol, maybe that's why he came to him in the first place. Had he talked with Seungkwan he would have wanted to argue with him for the sake of arguing with Seungkwan. Minghao is probably the most sensible person he knows. He even mediates, that has to mean something.

"I'm scared," Hansol finds himself confessing.

Minghao smiles at him, it looks so kind Hansol feels all soupy inside. "Aren't we all. I honestly don’t think you have anything to be worrying about. Jimin cares about you a lot.”

“Yeah-”

“And sometimes it feels like you do more than him?” Hansol’s mouth falls open and he nods. “We’re all scared,” Minghao says. “You’d be surprised what people fear the most. My advice is: find out for yourself what Jimin is scared of. Let him see what you are scared of.”

The problem with talking with Minghao (which is why Hansol went to him in the first place), is that he is very wise. Like an old owl. Who could most definitely kill you with a single finger. Now that he thinks about it, Hansol is fairly sure that the closest friends he has could indeed kill him rather easily. Perhaps the only ones who could never pose a threat to his life are Soonyoung and Wonwoo, but he’s not sure it reflects much on their character as it does on Jimin’s for exemple. Now Jimin would never hurt Hansol, at least not physically and surely not intentionally. But if he really wanted to, he probably could. That thought alone sends a rush down Hansol’s spine that he’s embarrassed to acknowledge.

The problem with Hansol is that he’s stubborn. Not in a way that bothers anyone else but himself. After consulting Minghao, he decided that he will indeed talk to Jimin about all of the fears he’s been feeling, and try to morph their relationships into something that would fit Hansol better - or wouldn’t fit him at all. That’s the scary part, the part that makes him feel like he’s trying to set up a deal and could at any moment get the short end of the stick. Still, he doesn’t bulge. The entire day getting the apartment ready for Jimin to come over, he spends it debating with himself the pros and cons of really going through with the plan. He had to kick Soonyoung out of the apartment for this, so he would feel bad for giving up now. So he keeps getting ready.

He hangs out with the cats, unable to focus on any song he’s working on for the entire day. At some point he takes out the turtle and lets them eat lettuce on the floor while he watches Jimin dancing to his song on his back. There must be some irony in the way Vernon raps about not understanding the movements of the waves, the tide pulling him in and the current pushing him out - all while Jimin smiles to himself with his eyes closed, letting the water pour out of him.

When Jimin knocks on the door, Hansol gulps, rearranges his beanie and tries to dry his moist hands on his jeans. They’re too tight on him, which now feels like the worst decision he could have taken, but back when he was spending 30 minutes getting ready, these seemed to be the ones that made his ass the biggest. Against his will, Seunkgwan from his head reminded him that it was one of his life lessons that when everything gets too stressful, you should focus all of your energy into having a great looking ass.

“Hey,” Jimin says with a radiant smile when Hansol opens the door. He lets himself in and slides his fingers across Hansol’s nape before he can close the door. Jimin has to tiptoe to reach his lips, he does it with an inane grace Hansol has never seen before. He kisses with just as much tenderness as he moves. Hansol feels like he’s kissing the world itself. “I missed you,” Jimin mumbles against his lips.

Hansol manages to close the door with the tip of his foot so he can rest both of his hands on Jimin’s waist. “Me too,” he sighs before kissing him back.

When Jimin pulls away, his lips are redder and Hansol feels more insecure than ever before. What does this mean? When you hold me like that, what does it mean to you? He exhales everything that’s stuck in his throat. 

“When you allow me to see you like this, what does it mean?”

“Huh?” Jimin looks at him confused.

Hansol gulps. The problem with Hansol is that he’s stubborn, he’s awkward, and he never has any idea of what he’s doing. The problem with Jimin is that he looks at him with his big puppy eyes like he’s ready to bend the world in half just to lift a weight off of Hansol’s shoulders. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” he says with a dry throat.

Jimin’s hand grabs the front of his shirt like Hansol is going to fly away. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Hansol shakes his head. “No, not really. It’s silly.”

“Babe,” Jimin whines, his hands slotting themselves perfectly in Hansol’s closed fists. “No, of course it’s not.” He leads them both to the living room, sits Hansol down on the couch and calls for Leo. Hansol stares at him while Jimin picks up his cat to put it on his lap. Leo looks at him like he’s not sure what he’s doing here but when Hansol pets the back of his ears, he settles into a cute little ball of purrs. Jimin sits next to him, hand tentatively caressing Leo’s fur until he can link one of his fingers with Hansol’s. “What’s bothering you?”

Hansol stares at the turtle in their glass cage. He imagines himself there, sheltered from every vermin that could be coming in his apartment, sheltered from every pain that could hurt him. Just peacefully eating his greens all day long. Hansol doesn’t even especially like salad. “I’m scared,” he says. “And I want to know what you’re scared of too.”

“Okay,” Jimin slowly replies, eyes focusing on Leo as a frown settles between his eyebrows. Hansol wants to kiss it away.

“The catalyst was the rat guy’s wedding ceremony.”

“Shinwon and Sehun?” Hansol nods. “I don’t understand.”

“That’s not surprising, it’s…” He can almost hear Minghao’s voice resonating in his head telling him to stop that sentence right there. He wishes he didn’t have this many people living in his mind. “It made me wonder why you didn’t invite me. Before you say anything, I totally understand why you would logically not invite me there but - that didn’t stop me from feeling like… well. Aren’t you supposed to invite people who you’re… romantically involved with to this kind of thing?” His throat closes up, he can feel Jimin’s finger tensing and holding onto his tighter, but by some miracle, he soldiers on. “I think that’s what I really mean by this. I would have liked to have been considered as someone worthy of you.”

“Hansol…”

“Yeah I guess that’s what I really wanted to ask you about. Like, what are we? I know you don’t want us to go too fast, want us to find a comfortable pace but I don’t think I’m comfortable going like this anymore. It’s exhausting trying to pretend otherwise.”

“Oh Hansol...”

"Wait, let me. Let me finish this."

Jimin nods. "Go ahead sweetheart."

"I don't want to be treated like your 'good friend' or whatever it is you're introducing me as."

"I call you my dear friend," Jimin mumbles.

"I don't want that." Hansol pauses, catches his breath. "I want more than that, I want all of it. I want to be the person you bring to weird weddings from guys I know nothing of. I want to be the one you boast about to your friends - even though I know there isn’t much to boast about but it’s… I want to be your pride. Like you’re mine.”

Jimin breathes out. “Hansol… I’m so sorry.” Hansol heart squeezes in his chest. “I’m so sorry I had no idea.” Jimin is hesitant with his words, “Is that what you meant when you talked about fear?”

Hansol can’t figure out what Jimin is thinking by the shaky waves of his voice alone. “What I fear the most is being replaced. Not being special enough for someone - for you. I want… to be considered for what I’m worth.”

“You are worth so much,” Jimin exhales. “I’m so sorry I didn’t realize you were feeling this way or I would have reassured you. I would have changed things out earlier.”

Hansol gulps and dares to meet Jimin’s gaze. His eyes tremble as much as his shoulders, and Hansol holds onto his hands without thought. Leo shifts on his lap, looks at them like they’re painting the strangest canvas, but cuddles back on Hansol’s lap all the same. “Jimin, what are you scared of?”

Jimin blinks a few times, calmly evens out his breath. “I’m scared of being hurt. I’m scared of letting people in, giving them too much leverage and opportunities to hurt me.”

“I don’t want you to be scared of me, of us.”

“I’m not,” Jimin quickly answers. He sighs and his shoulders deflate. “Not exactly, at least. I worry that at some point you’re gonna grow tired of me. That you’re not going to tolerate not being the only one in my life.”

Hansol frowns. “So this is about Taehyung?” Jimin’s eyes water. “It doesn’t feel honest to promise you that I won’t ever feel that way, but I need you to know that this is the furthest from what I think now. Taehyung and you are… a set. It’s not because I prefer to eat with a fork that I’m going to separate it from the spoon. Does that make sense?”

Jimin smiles shyly. “You’re funny. You don’t even try to, but you’re still funny.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Of course it is. You are good.” Gently, he places his hands on Hansol’s cheeks, so close to knocking their foreheads together. “If I promise you that I won’t be scared anymore, can you promise to do the same?”

“Is it really that simple?”

Jimin shrugs. His shoulders are so slender, so delicate, and his face is so close. “Why can’t it be?” He leans in closer and closer, until his lips find the corner of Hansol’s mouth, more cheek than lip. Jimin presses two kisses onto his skin, and leans back, hooded eyes checking for some sign on the lines of Hansol’s forehead.

“Okay,” he breathes out. “I can do that.”

Jimin smiles, but it quickly fades away. “Are you really sure?”

Hansol exhales a laugh and figures that now is as good a time as any. "I want you to be my boyfriend," he says. It definitely doesn’t sound as ludicrous anymore. "My boyfriend who has a dearest friend of his own. I'm more than fine with that, Jimin. It's not even like I'm making an effort or bargaining something to be with you, not in the slightest. It's just... you and Taehyung. You're like... an immovable pair drawn by the stars or something. I get that and... I love that." Jimin doesn’t seem to notice the weight in Hansol’s chest when he says that. That’s probably for the best for now.

Jimin pouts, his lips wobble as he makes a conscious effort to breathe in and out. "What does it mean, to you, to be boyfriends then?"

Hansol sighs, letting the weight off of his shoulders. Jimin hasn't said no so far, and if he's only judging by how emotionally invested in this he seems to be, Hansol figures that he's relatively safe. So the hardest part is already dealt with. Now it's just a matter of setting the terms. He's rehearsed them in his mirror before, he knows what to say.

"To me, being boyfriends doesn't mean much," he begins. Jimin looks at him with wide eyes waiting for the next sound to come out of his mouth. It does terrible things to Hansol's stomach to be looked at like that. Like he's something worthy and mighty. "I just want us to stop running away from our feelings. Following the steps of a book I don't understand. I like you Jimin, as a dear friend and as much more than that. I don't want to pretend otherwise."

Jimin gulps. "I know."

"Do you... feel something similar?"

He nods. "I do. I just... worry."

Hansol cups Jimin's cheeks, forcing him to look up. He runs his thumbs across his cheekbones. "I promised you not to be scared. Do the same for me, please?"

Jimin takes a large inhale, and a shaky exhale. "Yeah. Yeah I can do that."

Hansol smiles so much he can feel the sides of his mouth stretch uncomfortably. "Good. I have faith in you. In us."

"You didn't reply to my question though."

"Hm? Which one?"

"What does being boyfriends mean?"

Hansol considers it for a second. He leans in and kisses the tip of Jimin's nose. "It means you're one of the most important people in my life. I can only dream to be something like that to you too."

"You are," Jimin replies without hesitation. It makes Hansol's pride swell. "I'm talking more in terms of... you know. Exclusivity and all that."

Hansol huffs out a small laugh. "It seems hypocritical to be asking that of you after all that sappy speech."

Jimin bites his lower lips and breaks into a smile. "Yeah, I guess it would be."

"I do want a right to veto though. I know Taehyung already has one."

He nods cutely, dragging Hansol's hands with him. "He does. You've had one for a long time if we're being honest."

"And you're only telling me this now? When I could have abused my power a long time ago?"

Jimin chuckles. "Yeah right, just so you can force us to watch Matrix again."

"It's a good franchise," he mumbles.

Jimin sighs and kisses his cheek. "That's what the boys always say."

"What boys?"

"The ones with a non binary turtle."

Hansol lets Jimin kiss him, press him into the couch so much that Leo stirs awake and runs away from them. “Okay that might be true, Soonyoung really liked the movies too.”

“Shut up,” Jimin mumbles against his lips.

One day, Hansol gets home to a package on his bed. He brings it to the living room, carefully not to shake it in case there’s something fragile in it. Though it feels more like just a bunch of fabric. “Soonyoung,” he calls out. “Who left that for me?”

“Jimin!” Soonyoung shouts back from somewhere in the kitchen.

“He came by?”

“Just to deliver this. He had to go back to rehearsals afterwards.”

“He hung around for a while though,” Wonwoo says from a corner of the couch - which makes Hansol jump. Wonwoo’s always orbiting around Soonyoung, always has that quiet shark expression on his face. He would definitely freak Hansol out if he wasn’t as nice as he is. “We watched the new SHINee music video together.”

“Oh, did it come out today?” Wonwoo nods. “Happy SHINee day!” Hansol shouts at Soonyoung on the way back to his room. He’s definitely not running there after learning that this is a gift from his boyfriend . Definitely not.

He places the box back on the bed, carefully undoes the ribbon that was holding it together. He was right about the fabric, there’s a sweater inside, exactly the same color as the one Jimin forgot at Hansol’s place. He takes it out carefully and - oh it’s so much worse than that. It is the sweater Jimin forgot and that then got eaten by rats. Hansol doesn’t even know how Jimin got it in the first place, he doesn’t remember what he did with it after Sehun and Shinwon’s visit.

When unfolded, this sweater is different from the original. Instead of a hole over the heart, there’s wool filling the gap, keeping the entire thing together. The color and stitches are different, it creates an intentional reminder of what this sweater has lived through. Hansol loves it - loves Jimin - so much he doesn’t know how to express it. He pulls out his phone, snaps a picture of the sweater spread out on the bed and sends it to Jimin.

thanks
> :D glad you like it !!!

Hansol doesn’t go to the wedding. Because as it turns out, it’s true that he doesn’t want to attend an emotional reception when he doesn’t know anything about the future husbands. Jimin goes with Taehyung, like it was originally planned because Taehyung is actually friends with Sehun so the invite made sense. However they promise not to be home late and let Hansol hang out at their apartment for the day. 

(Wonwoo is coming over and Soonyoung hasn’t been able to see him all week since the both of them got swarmed with work. Hansol knows how these kinds of reunions usually go and if he can avoid them, he will absolutely take the opportunity.)

He took Leo with him, because Jimin wanted to see him. So he plays around the apartment for a while, before resting on the couch, scrolling through his phone. He calls his mother, tells her that everything is going great in his life. She tells him that he sounds happy. Jimin texts him that he shouldn’t wait for them to eat dinner, that there are leftovers in the fridge if he wants to, or that if he wants to eat take out he can use the money they keep in a jar in front of the door. Hansol sends him back a heart, tells him to have fun, and a picture of Leo. He hopes his scheme of convincing Jimin to come back home is working. He doesn’t eat dinner however, falls asleep on the couch before that.

When he wakes up, Jimin is hugging him tight, finding place on the couch by spreading his body on top of Hansol’s. Somehow that’s not what woke him up however, because Jimin is asleep and drooling on Hansol’s shoulder. There’s a breeze of cold air right before a blanket lands on top of Jimin and Hansol. Through heavy eyelids, Hansol glances up and sees Taehyung standing over them. They lean down to kiss Jimin’s temple - and then Hansol’s forehead.

“Go back to sleep,” he whispers.

Suddenly Hansol feels very awake. Until Jimin mumbles, spreading more drool on Hansol’s shirt, “How did they train the parrot to bring the rings… tuxedo… why?”