Chapter Text
Hinata was crying again. Hinata crying was about as rare as Hinata blushing or Hinata stuttering which is to say, all the damn time. Her eyes were puffy and swollen, her nose was a bright red, her mouth was partly open, allowing her to breath despite her blocked (and leaking) nose. Despite the visual similarity to all the other hundreds of times she had cried, there was in fact one essential difference. This time Hinata was sobbing. Loudly. Or what counted as loudly for her, anyway. The door to her room was shut but not locked. (Shinobi have no need for locks Hiashi had sneered). And Hinata was laying with her face buried in her (hard) pillow, desperately trying to hold her sobs in, to quench down on the hysteria rising through her, bubbling in her throat. She was failing miserably. Her cheek throbbed from where Hiashi had struck her but the too familiar pain was not the cause of her tears. Hadn’t been the cause of her tears for years now. No, the sobs wracking through her body were the result of the horrible words her father had spat out after the initial blow to her face.
“You have given me no choice” he had started, voice grim. “By losing to your cousin you have shamed the head family to the members of the branch. Your weakness has put doubt in the hearts of the clan” here he had clenched his fist and waited for Hinata to look up into his eyes before continuing sounding slightly pained. “You are no longer fit to be called clan heiress- Your sealing ceremony will be held next week, unfortunately due to your age it is most likely that your Byakugan will be repressed. If that is so, you will move out of the Hyuuga compound and begin life as a civilian. The council sees it is obvious that without our bloodline talent you will be useless as a shinobi” he had concluded.
Hinata choked on the memory. Her heart burning when she recalled the indifference in her father’s eyes when he spoke of her banishment. The slight frown when he admitted the Hyuuga elders thought very little of her abilities. The grimace on his face when Hinata’s tears started falling. Her powers were to be sealed away forever. The chances of her overcoming that seal like Neji-niisan were unlikely. Most children of the branch family were sealed shortly after birth, sealing after that age was dangerous and painful. Not only that, if she was unable to use Byakugan, then her child bearing abilities would be sealed away too and she was to be thrown out of her clan. She would be a nobody with no family or friends. Surely no one would ever want to marry the barren civilian she was about to become. After hearing the news, for a second Hinata had felt an overwhelming sense of relief at the fact that she would no longer be a Hyuuga. The brief feeling had disappeared, however, when she realised that she would never hold another clan name or even family name again. She would never reach her dream of becoming an Uzumaki. After all, to her, the no-doubt future Hokage would definitely be required to produce heirs and in a week her heir producing abilities would be ripped away. Hinata’s head hurt and her body still ached from Neji’s beatdown, the medics having only bothered to repair the internal bleeding with no regards for her bruises. She was also fatigued and heartsick. Slowly she started to drift out of consciousness.
Uzumaki. Hinata thought light-headedly. What a beautiful name. Naruto is a beautiful name too. Whirlpool.. or fishcake. I like fish cakes. They taste nice. And whirlpools are beautiful. Whirlpool sounds exciting.. and dangerous. Naruto isn’t very dangerous. But he is beautiful and exciting. He never gives up... He’s so brave. I wonder if he.. I wonder if he will notice when I’m gone. I hope he does. I hope he visits me. Maybe if he visits me then this will all be worth it. Especially if he smiles..
Hinata lost herself in thoughts of Naruto’s smile. The one that lit up his face and immediately made anyone near him just as happy. A small smile made its way on to her face just at the thought, her sobs long since abated and her face only streaked with memories of her tears. Just as quickly as the smile appeared though, it faded, chased away by a different voice making itself known in her head. A voice she never could ignore. A combination of the voice of her father, her cousin, her sister and even Naruto’s. Why would Naruto ever visit you? it asked. You’re pathetic. Beaten by your cousin of the branch family. The one with a seal on his forehead. Now you’re going to join him in his agony. Naruto wouldn’t care about someone who’s weak. Naruto only likes strong people. Like Sasuke and Sakura. Even Shino and Kiba won’t bother with you once your byakugan is taken away. Kurenai has always been disappointed with you most anyway. You just hold everyone back. Even your family, your father, your sister have turned their backs on you. Your mother died just to get away from you. Hinata’s tears started up again. ‘Stop it!’ she screamed in her head, louder than her voice would ever be in real life. ‘Please, please, please, just go away. I know already. I know!’ She sat up and covered her ears with her hands, shaking her head vigorously. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.. the voice jeered in her head. Hinata wailed and crashed her head against the wall in an uncharacteristic loss of composure and show of disregard for the other occupants of the house. Barely a second later and her door was open with both her father and sister standing there, byakugan activated and in perfect pose for the gentle fist technique. Hinata’s head was throbbing even worse than it had been before and there was blood trickling from her temple.
fuck she thought then blushed in horror at the cuss that her mind had produced.
“What is the meaning of this?” Hiashi asked, eyes still darting around the room trying to determine the cause for the blood staining his daughters hair and running down the bridge of her nose. Hinata just flushed harder and started choking on her words, her stammer increased tenfold. “I-I-III-I I wa-wa-wa-w-as j-j-ju-just”
“Silence” Hiashi cut her off in disgust, finally spotting the blood stain on her wall. He relaxed from his stance and deactivated his byakugan before meeting her frightened eyes with his own cool ones. There was a split second of silence where Hiashi saw terror flashing through his daughter’s pale eyes. He was careful to keep his anger and worry hidden from his own as he looked at her trembling in the long sleeved shirt and pants she wore to bed. Then, “So you thought damaging your forehead will prevent me from sealing you” he assumed out loud.
Hinata’s eyes widened in shock. That thought had not even entered her mind! “N-n-no!” she exclaimed desperate for her father to believe her.
Hiashi sneered cruelly, noting the desperation in his weakling (darling) child’s voice. “I guess I’ll have to find a more obvious place to mark you then. Somewhere you can’t hide behind your bangs” his voice shifted from cold to contemplative. “I think across your cheek and the bridge of your nose will do. Or maybe we can find a way to get rid of your hair permanently. Then we can get it across your skull.” Hiashi watched with little satisfaction at the way his disappointment of a daughter (she looks just like her mother- NO-) contorted her face with shock at his cruel words before shifting her gaze to the floor by his feet. In that moment Hiashi truly hated himself, more than he ever had before.
Hinata shrunk in on herself, shaking her head. How could father be so cruel? “Nnnn-nn-no!” she cried, her tears blurring the swaying image of her father’s feet. Her distressed mind suddenly provided her with a clear memory of Naruto, staring defiantly up at one of the academy teachers who had slapped him in front of the whole class one day after falling for one of his pranks. She remembered the way Naruto’s blue eyes had met the teachers grey ones with a quiet dignity. How he had stood up to his teachers killing intent without batting an eye. Naruto was brave. Naruto was strong. That meant Hinata had to be strong too. Determination coursed through her. Another tear dripped off the end of her nose. Or maybe it was blood. She shifted her stance into one of resolve. “No” she said more firmly in a soft voice, looking up and fixing her eyes squarely onto Hiashi’s cruel stare. Hiashi showed no reaction to Hinata’s uncharacteristic firmness. They stared into each others eyes for several seconds. Their brows furrowed over their identical pale orbs. Hiashi’s with contemplativeness and Hinata with determination.
“Very well” Hiashi said, finally dropping his daughter’s gaze. He briefly pondered on the idea of leaving with another threat but dismissed the idea of pushing the child further, even if it was for her own good. Hinata was weak, not stupid. He had made his point. She would understand that another attempt at rebellion would cost her more than what it was worth. He turned and glided out of her room. Hanabi stood staring puzzledly at her sister for a few more seconds who in turn went back to staring at the floor, her head hung at an angle that hid most of her features behind her bangs. Hanabi rolled her eyes (quite an accomplishment for a Hyuuga). Swallowing down her disappointment towards her sister, she huffed and twirled around, storming out of the room and inconsiderately leaving the door open behind her.
Hinata sighed in relief before walking to the door and closing it silently. Her tears started falling again but she fought hard against the sobs threatening to crawl out of her throat. She leaned her back against her door gasping silently, desperately trying to calm herself. The voice from before was starting to whisper again. Always the same word. Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic. Hinata sunk into a crouch, her head buried in her knees, her tears soaking her pants and her blood staining them. I can’t do this anymore she thought desperately to herself.
Well in a week you won’t have to sneered the ugly voice in her head.
I don’t want to be sealed!! I don’t want to lose my kunoichi status! I-I want to be strong! Her own revelation actually surprised her. Even if it was all in her head..
You have a different choice you know..
A ch-choice?
Run away the voice offered simply. .
Run away? She couldn’t just run away! She was weak and pathetic. She wouldn’t last an hour out there. Not to mention her bloodline.. Oh! A sudden thought occurred to her. If she ran away she wouldn’t be listed as missing nin for fear of other villages finding out and going after her bloodline talent!
But no. That didn’t matter. That didn’t change the fact that she was weak. It didn’t change the fact that her chakra reserves were below average and her pain tolerance was too low, especially for a female shinobi, preventing her from pushing herself into gaining speed and stamina. Her chakra control was nowhere near as efficient as Sakura-san. Her intelligence was the shinobi average. Her only speciality lay in her bloodline talent, even then she was out matched by her younger sister. She wasn’t a genjutsu type like Kurenai-sensei had hoped. She didn’t even know her chakra nature affinity although the Hyuugas almost exclusively were all water types to oppose the Uchiha’s fire.
Exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally Hinata dragged herself into her bed. Closing her eyes she thought everything over, turning facts and thoughts over and over in her head until her head started to spin. She finally she came to a conclusion. She could either go along with being sealed and thrown out. She would have to settle down as a civilian and just watch from the sidelines while her comrades climbed through the ranks and turned into amazing shinobi. Watch while they all fought and died or married and produced heirs, passing on their clans legacy while she found some meaningless job and lived alone and unnoticed for the rest of her life. Or she could run. She could pack a bag and leave the village. She would be alone, but maybe she was better off alone. After all she could barely speak without stuttering. She was 12 years old and still unable to utter a full sentence. So yes, maybe she was better off staying away from people. And maybe, with her life on her line, she would find it easier to become strong. Easier to push through the pain and sweat and blood that was needed to improve. Hinata imagined herself living alone deep in the forest, training hard, improving her skills, then years later returning to Konoha, tall, proud and strong. A kunoichi worthy of the position as clan Heiress.
It was with daydreams of this future self that Hinata drifted off into a deep sleep, her cheeks stained with tears and dried blood with and lips curled into a small smile.
***
The next morning Hinata woke up when the sun had already reached its midpoint in the sky. For a moment she panicked. She was late for training! But the events of the Chuunin exams yesterday trickled back into her mind and her panic was replaced by dread. She had 6 days to make her choice. Stay or leave? Leave or stay? Both would result in her banishment from the clan. Both would result in rejection from her few friends. But only one held the risk of death. Hinata thought about that. Death. Would it be so bad? She knew plenty of people who had died. She wondered if it was more painful than living. She wondered why people even bothered to live if it wasn’t. Love. Her mind whispered a conclusion. “Oh” she said softly. That made sense. People lived to be with the people they loved. But Hinata only had one love in this world. One bright light in the darkness of her life. And that light barely acknowledged her existence. He wouldn’t miss her while she was gone. She didn’t love Konoha. She had barely ever seen the outside of the Hyuuga compound before her enrollment at the academy. The people of Konoha had never done anything for her. She hadn’t ever been given the chance or reason to develop the will of fire. So what was holding her back? Her fear. Her fear was what always held her back. Her fear of rejection keeping her from opening up to friends. Her fear of pain keeping her from improving as a kunoichi. Her fear of failing keeping her from even trying. Naruto wasn’t like that. Naruto threw himself into everything headfirst with a steady passion and fierce determination. Naruto had beaten Kiba, as improbable as it seemed. Naruto never gave up, never held back. How could she admire him so much but never make an attempt to be like him?
Hinata drew in a deep breath. She made her decision. She exhaled slowly. The opened her eyes. She would leave. She would leave and become strong enough that no one dared to try and hurt her again. She would gain the respect of her father and sister even if she never got to see it personally. She would become strong and brave like Naruto. She would become someone he would acknowledge. With her decision made, Hinata felt a deep sense of relief. Now that she was sure of her choice all that was left was to devise a plan and carry it out. She was almost shocked at how calm she felt as she sat up and started thinking up her escape plan. Her biggest advantage was that no one expected her to try and escape. She allowed herself a small smile. This was going to be easy.
***
Hiashi frowned and resisted the urge to slump in his chair. He watched as Hinata left the house, speeding out of the compound and leaving his line of vision, enhanced by his dojutsu of course. What was the girl doing? She was supposed to be training hard in order to prove herself worthy! Not sneaking out of the compound before sunrise after a week of impromptu socializing and several shopping trips. It was almost as if- no, that was ridiculous. No amount of desperation would drive his mouse of a daughter to that. Still, what could she possibly be doing on the morning of her sealing? He cursed, damn the clan elders to hell. What at first had been a suggestion to frighten the girl into working harder had now become a reality he would have to face. Forgive me- my wife. He knew there was absolutely nothing he could do now. He grimaced and let his mind drift from his daughter’s strange behavior. She had probably gone to prepare herself. Nothing to worry about. He ignored the insistent tugging he felt at the back of his mind. Nothing to worry about at all.