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if this is a rom-com, kill the director!

Summary:

Bakugou doesn't like Kirishima.

They're quite literally just friends, but for some reason the fucking idiots in class think otherwise. Besides, he knows what romantic feelings are supposed to feel like, and he's not feeling any of that shit...right?

(In which Bakugou is one of the last people to know that he and Kirishima should be dating, freaks out a little bit, and has weird romantic dreams, but that’s the stupid fucking shoujo mangas fault)

Notes:

...im back lol

i just really like the hc that bakugou is a secret romance novel enthusiast. like it's just so funny but also such a curveball that its sweet. the tags might change as i (slowly) update this

(title based off of lyrics from "kill the director" by the wombats!)

Chapter Text

     Bakugou Katsuki would like to say that his friendship with Kirishima Eijirou is pretty normal.

     Now, he hasn’t had the most concrete of friendships until attending U.A., so there isn’t much to base it off of. But he enjoys Kirishima’s presence, enjoys the study groups they have or when they train together. He enjoys when they hang out together out of hero and schoolwork. He even started looking forward to hanging out with the dumb fucking group that surrounds him and Kirishima—though he refuses to let them know that they’re his best friends too, as much as he calls them by his special nicknames and lightly threaten each of them. But he and Kirishima just work—he feels like he finally found someone who just gets him in a way that is rare. He wants to keep Kirishima close to him for as long as possible, because Kirishima is his best fucking friend.

     They know a lot about each other. They know each other’s birthdays—that idiot saved the blonde’s birthday to a digital calendar app as soon as he learned what it was, the dork. They share inside jokes that no one else connects with and indulge in each other’s interests. They each have a growing number of unflattering photos of each other saved, Bakugou having more of Kirishima than the reverse (can you blame him? The boy always looks two steps away from doing something so obviously goofy). Bakugou knows that the fire truck red hair sitting atop his head isn’t naturally red. Sure, he was a little shocked to see dark roots at first but Kirishima, with a broken arm from internships, came to him for help. Ashido was at girl’s night.

     Kirishima knows that Bakugou isn’t always loud yelling and explosions. In fact, he didn’t even bat an eye like the others—read: Sparkplug—would have at the blonde’s calm demeanor in his own space. They know each other’s secrets and regrets, having traded them on Christmas day on a mountain hike. Bakugou doesn’t mind Kirishima knowing about his middle school days, he knows they both weren’t at their best back then. After the hike, and the many other unfortunate events they had been shoved in, the pair had become fairly close by the time they finished first year.

     That being said, it’s not unusual to look over at Kirishima often in an effort to communicate nonverbally. Sometimes the other fuckers say some dumb shit, and Bakugou wants to know someone else understands that its stupid as fuck and he’s secretly laughing about it. Most of the time, Kirishima looks over too. When their eyes meet, sometimes he jolts a little bit—as if surprised to find Bakugou doing the same for some reason—before donning a small secretive grin. He raises his eyebrows slightly, shifting his eyes between Bakugou and the source as if to say “ You’re seeing this too, right? I’m trying so hard no to laugh but it’s stupid.”

     Sometimes the redhead doesn’t meet his eyes. Sometimes he is blissfully unaware of Bakugou’s eyes, boring holes into the side of his skull, ready to send a message that isn’t being received. But that’s okay, if they had telepathy, they wouldn’t have their respective quirks. Bakugou can always text him about it later.

     It's also not unusual to want to spend a lot of time with him. They’re already fairly connected at the hip in partner projects, so there’s nothing odd about wanting to just be in each other’s presence. He likes hanging out with the others (NEVER tell a fucking soul he said that), but they can get a bit overstimulating when they’re all yelling at the top of their lungs or being naturally loud. Sometimes it’s nice to have just one loud person talk into a comfortable silence than three (Bakugou isn’t going to count Sero, Jirou, or Todoroki—who hangs out solely to stare at Tape Face and go slightly pink whenever the lanky bastard drapes across him like a cat—but they can be loud when they want).

     It’s also not weird to think about them often. It’s not weird to see something and go “ Oh, this reminds me of Shitty Hair”. It’s no one's business that he takes a photo of whatever symbolizes Kirishima to send to him. Bakugou thinks it’s funny, and maybe it can be seen as a nice gesture in a way too. Besides, Kirishima does the same anyways, sending photos of fireworks or dandelions or Pomeranians (that got a phone chucked at Kirishima's head). So, there’s nothing to really think twice about.

     At least, Bakugou doesn’t think twice about it. 

     For some goddamn reason, the other idiots don’t seem to understand how close friendships work. Scratch that, the whole fucking class doesn’t seem to know shit about it. either that, or they don’t seem to understand the idea of Bakugou having a close friend. Everytime someone catches him and Kirishima doing their own thing outside of school, they not-so-subtly stare at the duo. He thinks he once caught someone very Kaminari-like taking a photo while they were getting ramen. He’s definitely heard someone ask Kirishima what they were doing together, before making some weird fucking smug face about it. 

     As much as Bakugou would like to raise hell for it, it’s whatever. Okay, that’s a lie, he had blown up about it the first few times. But it didn’t stop anyone's behavior, and Kirishima kept having to tell him to just drop it. He trusts that Kirishima would jump down someone’s throat if they ever insulted him seriously. He had done it before, in the early stages of their friendship, when Kirishima had first desperately asked for tutoring help. If Kirishima wasn’t wringing someone’s neck for it, then he won't. Fuck it. He just tries to ignore it now. Emphasis on tries

     It happens like this:

     It’s the beginning of their second year, and everyone is situated in the dorms again. Aizawa hadn’t necessarily given them a smooth transition from summer break, opting instead to plop the students down in training as soon as possible. Thankfully tomorrow was a weekend, so all of the students had an opportunity to be boneless for the rest of the night and sleep in the next day. The sun had set a few minutes ago, and the dorms were slowing down as people retreated to bed or the showers. Bakugou was splayed out on the couch in the common room. He tried taking up as much space as possible while scrolling on his phone, every so often finding something funny or interesting to send to Kirishima, who was seated on the floor in front of the couch. He'd watch over Kirishima’s shoulder at the cracked phone screen, watch the notification come in, and watch him instantly open the message and react to whatever was sent. It was peaceful, they weren’t talking much, listening to whatever show Kaminari and Ashido had put on to talk over. Those two were laying in a pile right in front of the TV, yet talked like they’re across the room.

     He noticed movement on the floor to the right of him, and suddenly Kirishima was standing up and stretching, bones popping and cracking as he twisted where he stood. His gelled up spikes were starting to fail and let gravity take its course. Bakugo snorted quietly. Lame.

     Kirishima yawned, then groaned. “Uuuggh, class killed me today, I’m gonna go shower. If I don’t come back then I probably passed out in the shower so g’night.”

     Kaminari and Ashido chorused a (really loud) goodnight back to him as he walked to the elevator. Bakugou didn’t reply, as per tradition of his usual Bakugou manner, instead just returning to his phone. After he left, Bakugou noticed the common room had eerily been devoid of any extra yelling. slowly, the blonde turned towards where kaminari and mina were sitting, only to find them staring at him. He scowled at them in an attempt to get them to stop, but instead the gremlins decided to glance at each other before smirking at him. Even worse, he knew they wouldn’t stop unless he said something. 

     Groaning, Bakugou sat up slightly on the couch. “What the fuck do you want Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb.”

     “Okay first,” Kaminari shifted from laying flat on the ground into a kneeling position, “Rude. Second, who said we wanted anything? Maybe we just like staring at you.” Ashido nodded. 

     “‘ Okay first ’, fuck you, I do what I want,” Bakugou replied, raising his voice to mock Kaminari. “You fuckers are looking at me with those dumbass looks on your faces. You got shit to say to me or what?”

     Ashido leaned over Kaminaris back, resting her head atop his, “Welllll, you and Kirishima are pretty close…”

     “And? We’re fucking friends, why the hell wouldn’t we?”

     “And we just wanted to say congratulations—wait,” The pink girl sat fully up and off of Kaminari. “What? You’re just friends? What?” 

     Bakugou felt a rush of annoyance creeping into the back of his head. “What the hell do you mean by that, Alien Bitch. You got a problem with that?”

     Now it was Kaminari’s turn to shoot up, waving his hands in front of him and shaking his head. “No, no! Dude, seriously, we do not have an issue with that. We just thought that—“

     “Spit it out!”

     “ I was about to before you interrupted me bro—“

     “I’ll show you an interruption you motherfuc—“

     “We just thought you two were dating!” Ashido cut in. She looked like she was trying not to laugh, obviously enjoying watching the two blondes bicker. In any other circumstance, Bakugou would have exploded over that. Maybe flipped the table or threw his phone. However, dating?

     Him? And Kirishima? Dating?

     What? Those two have officially lost their minds. He let them know as much, after several seconds of silence. “You two have officially lost your damn minds. What the shit, we’re not dating, why would you think me and Shark Week were dating?!”

     The two on the floor both looked at each other, before Kaminari made a face as if to ask “Seriously?”, Ashido just started bursting into laughter. And, god, Bakugou wants to punch those looks off their faces. 

     “No. What? Seriously?!” 

     “Yes, seriously! Why the fuck would I lie about that shit?!”

     Sero appeared behind the couch, leaning over the back with his phone in one hand. “Lie about what shit?”

     “Mr. Explosion Boy just said him and Kirishima aren’t dating!” Ashido said through her loud laughs.

     “No. What? Seriously?” Scratch anything Bakugou said about liking these idiots. He’s going to kill them. Ashido just kept laughing, because apparently this was humourous enough for her to cackle until her back was back on the floor. 

     “Pay up bitches I told you! I told you I told you—“ she yelled, before all three of them burst into indiscernible yelling about bets and money that was about to make his ears bleed. Bakugou felt his hands start sparking, ready to blow up the couch cushions he was laying on, or their faces—anything in an attempt to get them to shut the fuck up . He could give a shit less about what they were talking about anymore, he knew if he asked he’d get a headache. Todoroki, who was probably trying to find Sero from wherever (ha. Fucking loser.), also appeared from behind the couch.

     “Kaminari, Ashido, you guys are being loud and it’s getting late. Please be quiet,” he said, blunt as ever. Ashido let out a small apology before quieting down, Sero doing the same.

     Kaminari let out one final loud whine before finally, finally , quieting down. “Man, Sero was also being loud and you didn’t tell him to be quiet. That’s not fair, scold him too!”

     Todorki's cheeks turned pink before turning to Sero as if to scold him as well, only for Sero to hold both hands up in a jokingly defensive manner, laughing a bit. Todorki looked even more flustered at that, unable to follow through with his scolding. Bakugou snorted. He’s way too obvious. 

     Turning away from Todoroki, Bakugou sat up full on the couch, swinging his legs—purposely taking a wider swing to reassert his personal bubble, how in the hell did they get so close—over the side to sit with his legs set wide. 

     “I’m going to ask you again, because none of you can keep a coherent thought for longer than two seconds: How the fuck and why the fuck did you idiots think that me and Shitty Hair were dating?”

     Kaminari flopped back down. He could never sit still to save his life. “Well! Well! You guys always hang out together, and you obviously have some inside jokes that no one knows about—”

     “That’s normal for friends to do, you—”

     “Okay yeah , but it’s different because it’s you! You aren’t close like that with anyone in our class, let alone the entirety of U.A.,” Ashido cut in. Sero rounded the couch, sitting down a safe distance away from Bakugou. 

     “And you guys are, like, touchy with each other, especially you. And not to mention that you guys got close really really fast. You and Midoriya aren't even that close, and you guys grew up together!”

     “And it’s also common knowledge that I hate Deku’s fucking guts.” Bakugou sneered. Which isn’t necessarily true anymore, they hashed a good chunk of stuff out over the summer, considering they live stupidly close, both know too much about AFO and OFA, and their shared internship work with Endeavor and IcyHot. They both suck ass at talking, so a big chunk of their “talk” was eating chips from the convenience store. They had gone to spar in the woods where they used to hang out, whenDeku had made a reference to the “Members of the Agency Bakugou” while they were on a snack break. Bakugou had cringed, and after a great deal of semi-awkward silence between the two, he’d managed to swallow his pride enough to tell Deku that all of that bullying was a result of him ignoring his own weaknesses (a conversation eerily similar to All Might in the winter). 

     Deku seemed pretty surprised at first. But eventually had told Bakugou that he looked up to—and still looks up to—him, and that he pretty much forgives Bakugou at this point.

     (“Besides,” he’d said. “ We’ve both changed a lot since middle school. We’re on somewhat equal footing, now. That won't change what you did, but you’re changing what you're doing, so I don’t worry about it, Kacchan.” 

     After that, the two have had a “little shit siblings” dynamic. So, no, he doesn’t hate the nerd anymore. The class probably knows that now, but he keeps telling them the opposite for the sake of appearances.)

     Sero rolled his eyes. “Anyways dude, you two are fuckin’ inseparable. We just thought that maybe you two got together over the summer or something, no harm or foul.”

     The blonde leveled Sero, Ashido and Kaminari with a glare as a reply, before simply groaning and standing up. He essentially got what he wanted, and it was way too late to talk with them any longer. God forbid they start fucking screaming again.

     “Whatever, I’m going to fuckin bed. Shut up about me and Shitty Hair. Actually, shut up in general.”

     As he headed for the elevator, he heard chirps of “Nighty night Blasty!”, “Night, Explosion Boy!”, “Good night, Bakugou” from the group and lifted his hand up as a vague gesture of acknowledgement. 

-+-+-+-

     Finally able to flop down in his dorm bed, Bakugou surrendered to the exhaustion taking over his body. He sunk into the mattress as heavily as possible, mentally going over his routine to see if there was a step he might have skipped. He went through his day as well, doing a review of what he should do tomorrow, if there was anything on his to do list, or any plans he had made. Other than his usual morning ritual, there was nothing he had to do besides homework. 

     His mind snagged on his final conversation of the night. It only proved his theory right: people just didn’t understand his and Kirishima’s friendship. Why the fuck had those idiots been so surprised that the pair weren’t dating?

     Bakugou may be somewhat socially inept, but he doesn’t live under a rock. He’s seen classmates start to date in middle school, he’s had people (unsuccessfully) confess to him. Hell, he’s even read about it in the books on his shelf. 

     There’s a little embarrassing fact (scratch that, an extremely embarrassing fact) about Bakugou Katsuki that people didn’t know about: he likes reading romance novels. It’s part of the reason as to why people (besides Kirishima and Deku) have yet to see the inside of his room. Across from his bed, smack dab in the middle of his bookshelf, sits about twenty-seven volumes of romance manga. Namely, sits the complete series of Fruits Basket and the current L'étranger series. The stories are interesting, okay? And he likes the characters in both series, and he rereads them enough that he could just bring both sets into the dorms. It’s a comfort thing. 

     ...He has a few other volumes from other manga series at home.

     In any case, he knows how that shit works, and he’d like to think that he would know if he had—he almost gags— feelings . Especially for someone who he’s lived next to for about a year. He’s seen enough and read enough to know the whole spiel of romantic feelings and what they entail. The class was reading too much into it and needed to keep out of his business. 

     Bakugou scoffs. Yeah, he totally doesn’t have feelings for the stupid redhead. 

     And with that, the boy drifted off to sleep.