Work Text:
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unus'd to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe,
And moan th' expense of many a vanish'd sight;
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restor'd, and sorrows end.
-William Shakespeare, Sonnet 30
principium. the beginning.
The absolute truth of this world is that not all people are born equal. Some are born into greatness, gifted all they could desire while having done nothing to earn it. Others may crawl and sweat and scream until they achieve it, for the line between determination and desperation is more blurred than one realizes. And yet others may never climb that mountain or walk that step on the moon, because circumstances are cruel and time is unyielding.
The system is rigid. But it works because law is necessary.
The system is rigid. But it doesn't work at all, because what it does not account for is character. What it does not consider is that those with power may not deserve it, and those without it have the potential to reach unfathomable heights, and yet do not because of circumstances beyond their control.
The system is rigid, but it is reality.
And those who move against the flow of the current are bound to be swept up eventually.
It had been a cold morning, the day it happened.
"It's your power, isn't it? Your power, not his!"
The words tore through Shoto like a shockwave, stripping him raw of every belief, every view, every lie that had been shoved down his throat for as long as he could remember. His cool, polished façade fell away, leaving just him as he was.
Shoto.
Not Endeavour's son. Not the prided Todoroki family legacy.
But Shoto. A boy who wanted to be a hero.
His fists curled.
He didn't know how it happened. Only that those nine words, nine seemingly insignificant words had tilted his world off kilter. That his opponent, no, that Midoriya, had ignited something within him he had fought to keep concealed for a long, long time.
Perhaps it was fury. Raw, relentless anger for everything that had been taken from him. Everything he had been robbed of.
But in an instant, as his mind reeled, flashing back to scenes from his childhood where his mother murmured quiet words of encouragement, he knew that wasn't it. That the orange-red flames that suddenly erupted from his left side did not come from his anger.
But from desire.
"I want..." he said quietly, as the crowd around him gasped, and then cheered loud enough to bring the stadium down. For the sight of him was spectacular; fire and ice, past and present, working together in tandem. Ripples of shocked disbelief spread around him in whispered words of 'how' and 'why', but Shoto paid them no heed. Paid no heed to anything but the green haired boy in front of him. "I want to be a hero too."
Midoriya's eyes flashed, glowing bright viridian as they reflected the fire emanating from his opponent. Shoto himself brought a flaming hand up, looking at it in wonder, before clenching it into a tight fist.
"You're insane, you know that?"
Midoriya said nothing, instead curling his lips into a grin of equal parts awe and satisfaction.
And it was that very grin that caused something to unwind deep within Shoto's chest. For it was almost like he knew. Knew exactly what his words would cause- near inevitable defeat at the hands of the dual wielder. And yet he chose to say them anyway.
Almost as if...
"Don't blame me for what happens next."
Almost as if, he mused, as he unleashed a part of himself long kept locked away, as a barrage of ice and flame and bright, bright light, raced towards Midoriya's own self-destructive power-
-he had meant to do it. To save Shoto from himself.
And as his opponent soared past his great walls of sparkling ice, hurtling towards him with a determination Shoto would've thought impossible if it were everyone else, he murmured a simple three words, meant to be heard by no one but them.
"Thank you, Midoriya."
Izuku's power slammed into the fiery red hot of Shoto's own, a split second before destroying the walls of grey cement that had suddenly erupted between them. The resulting shockwave almost sent Shoto careening off the arena, but his feet twisted into the loose gravel as a wall of ice behind him kept him rooted to the spot.
The world flashed white as he braced himself.
When the colours faded back in, Shoto paused to register the aftermath. As the dust cleared, it took him only a single glance to see the Midoriya sprawled across the floor.
Unconscious.
Victory, marked by the mobs of spectators around him launching into raucous cheering once again. Victory, the very thing he had stepped onto the arena square to achieve. And yet as he stood there in dazed disbelief, panting, watching his flames extinguish and his ice thaw out, Shoto knew that he had gained something far more important.
Izuku Midoriya, his mind supplied as Midnight proudly announced Shoto as the victor of a battle well fought. A strange boy, with an even stranger quirk, and yet...
Shoto found himself wondering what exactly drove him.
And even as he slowly walked off the arena and into the buildings to have his injuries taken care of, even through the jarring conversation he had with his Father in the wings, even when his mind was overrun with questions he didn't have answers to, one thought remained a constant presence in the back of his mind through it all.
Izuku Midoriya.
This would be an interesting year, indeed.
When Shoto woke up, for a minute, he didn't know what was going on. Blinking carefully to let his eyes adjust to the light, he slowly took in the clean white surroundings and the firm mattress beneath him.
The... Infirmary?
Suddenly, the events of his final match came flooding back to him. Bakugou's scathing words and ruthless attacks, Midoriya's screams of encouragement from the crowd, and his own hand falling as he quenched his flames before they could rise to defend him.
He sighed, letting his head fall back down into his pillow. Every joint in his body ached from a long day of fighting, and his quirk had been pushed nearly to its limits. The sun had begun setting, casting the room in shades of pale gold and orange, bearing an uncanny resemblance to his own fiery quirk.
Shoto frowned and wondered how long he'd been passed out. He tried to clear his throat to call for someone, but found himself so parched that he could only emit a raspy groan instead. Turning warily to pick up a glass of water from his nightstand, he suddenly froze as a flash of green caught his eye.
Midoriya.
Slumped over once again, but this time with his head nestled in his arms. The glowing embers of sunlight illuminated the peaceful expression on his face, causing Shoto to marvel at the contrast between his demeanor now, and during the battle.
Shoto shifted gently so as to not rouse the sleeping boy from his slumber. But even the slight movement was enough for Midoriya to open his eyes, thick lashes fluttering over forest green eyes as he blinked.
He straightened up in an instant, embarrassment coating his features in an angry red hue. "Todoroki-kun! You're- you're awake!"
Shoto nodded and made to reply, only for a soft hissing sound to come out instead.
Right. Water.
Midoriya, sensing his predicament, immediately bolted up from his chair to pour him a glass from the decanter perched on his bed stand.
"Here."
Shoto drained the glass in an instant, nearly choking in his hurry, before holding it out to be refilled. Two glasses later, he at last felt his thirst had been quenched enough to talk.
"Thanks."
Midoriya, still fumbling with the glass, nodded his head nervously. "No problem." He gave Todoroki a hesitant once over, before deciding to ask, "how are you feeling?"
"Like I've been hit by a bus," he said frankly.
Izuku's lips twisted into a grin. "That's Kacchan for you. He never was one to hold back. You should've seen him during the- Oh!"
As if suddenly remembering something, Izuku began rummaging through the backpack on the floor beside him, before pulling out a sleek black box.
"You missed the prizes! You were knocked out a while, and Recovery Girl said it would be best if we let your body heal naturally, so All Might gave me your medal to give to you once you woke up." He laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "That's actually what I was here for, but I guess I ended up falling asleep myself. Sorry!"
"Don't be," Shoto replied. "You must've been exhausted too."
"Well, that fight with you was really something else," he laughed.
"Sorry about that... I guess I ended up going a little overboard."
"Don't apologize! It was actually really cool to be a part of. I've never seen anything like it!"
Midoriya's eyes glittered green as he tried to contain the barrage of questions his quirk-curious mind inevitably drew up. But when Shoto raised a single white eyebrow, the words came tumbling out of his mouth like he couldn't help them.
"I-if you don't mind me asking, w-when did your quirk manifest? Did both of them appear at the same time? Do you think you'd be able to control the fire and ice at once? Do your flames-"
"Now, now, who's causing a ruckus here?" called Recovery Girl as she popped her head in through the doorway. "I won't have you disturbing my patients, Mr. Midoriya."
"Sorry!" he squeaked, flushing red once more. Recovery Girl glared for a second longer before nodding and turning away. "Sorry," he said again, softer. "I tend to get a little excited when it comes to quirks. And yours is one of the most incredible ones I've ever seen!"
"Thank you," Shoto murmured softly.
"Oh no, I didn't mean- you don't have to-"
"Not just for that." Shoto cut off Izuku's sputtering protests. "For... For everything. Without you, I- I may never have..." He held his left arm out in front of him, watching, considering.
Midoriya's eyes softened as he sunk back into the chair. "You would have. I know you would. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, and not just because of your quirk."
"I-" Shoto started, before his voice became hoarse. "Thank you," he said again, because he didn't know what else he could.
Izuku smiled and held out the box still clutched in his hands. "Here. You've earned it."
Shoto took the box carefully, weary of his bandaged arm. He stared for a moment at the UA insignia embossed on it, tracing the curve of the letters with a single finger. Finally, he flipped it open to reveal an intricate silver medallion nestled within a bed of red velvet.
Second place.
A reminder of his failure.
But simultaneously, mused Shoto, as the setting sun cast its glow on the metal, lighting it up with something even brighter than gold-
-It was a gift. A step away from what was expected of him, and towards what he wanted for himself.
"Would you like me to put it on you?"
Shoto's heavy turquoise gaze fell back onto Midoriya, who was now fidgeting awkwardly in his seat. "I know I'm not... All Might or a-anything," he stammered. "But I just thought that maybe-"
"I'd like that."
Midoriya blinked, and suddenly his smile was stretching into a grin, so bright and delighted that it filled Shoto with a sort of warmth he hadn't realised he had the capacity to feel.
And as Izuku hung the heavy silver medal around his neck with a proud gleam in his eyes, Shoto let the barest of smiles flit across his own lips.
"Todoroki-kun!"
Izuku's clear voice rang through the cafeteria, causing a hundred pairs of eyes to turn to the dual wielder in question. Shoto's own eyes widened slightly in surprise as Midoriya dashed from across the table he shared with Uraraka and Iida.
"Come sit with us!"
Shoto raised an eyebrow inquisitively as he glanced between Midoriya bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, and the usual seat he occupied in a corner of the cafeteria where he wouldn't be disturbed.
It only took him a split second to make up his mind.
He slid into the seat beside Uraraka while Izuku sat across from him, beaming. Shoto figured he should thank his classmate for the kind invitation, but before he could even open his mouth, Uraraka began talking in an animated voice.
"Todoroki-kun! Your fights were all incredible! It was all wham and swoosh and suddenly there was a wall of ice even taller than the bleachers!" Her eyes were sparkling with awe as she clasped her hands together. "Man, I could've been the one in the ring with you if I had just beaten Bakugou."
Izuku smiled. "You almost did, Ochako. Your final move was amazing! I can't believe I didn't think of that!"
She stuck her tongue out in disdain. "I didn't stand a chance and you know it."
Iida nodded from across the table, turning back to Shoto. "Fighting with you was indeed quite the experience. If it wouldn't be too much trouble, I'd love to spar with you again one day. It would be quite the test of my own speed and endurance against yours."
"I-" started Shoto, a little taken aback by the sudden attention. But then he glanced at Izuku who was nodding his head enthusiastically, and said, "I would appreciate that, Iida-san."
Izuku smiled in approval, before shovelling a heap of Katsudon into his mouth. Shoto, lost and a little confused at the experience of sharing company, hastily reached for his own chopsticks and swirled them into his soba.
Uraraka was laughing at something Iida had just said, while the blue-haired man was waving his arms in a stiff robotic motion. Izuku was laughing with them, the sound more musical than Shoto expected it to be. And when he caught his eye from across the table, Shoto found himself wondering whether this was what he was missing out on during all those years of training.
Conversation. Laughter.
Shoto amusedly turned back to his cold soba, winding the noodles around his chopsticks before scooping them into his mouth. Uraraka was still laughing, so vigorously in fact, that she started hiccupping in time to her gasps. Midoriya reached over to hand her a glass of water, only for it to spill as a line of white tape arced across their table, knocking it over.
"Sorry!" a voice, no doubt Sero's, called from the other end of the cafeteria, just as a loud crashing noise sounded from behind them. Iida stood up and started shouting something about responsible behaviour, while Uraraka kept laughing uncontrollably. Izuku himself, now caught up in the fray, started apologizing profusely for the spilt water, which, Shoto just realised, had somehow made its way into his lunch.
Blinking dazedly, he attempted to appease poor Izuku who had gone pale at the sight of his ruined soba.
"Oh- oh my god! I'm so sorry Todoroki-kun! I swear it was a-an accident!"
"Midoriya. It's alright."
"But- But your lunch! It must've been expensive! Oh, god what if you starve because of me? Wait! I'll buy you another one!"
He started to move out of his seat to grab another serving of Soba as Shoto stared in equal parts confusion and exasperation. "You really don't need to-"
Izuku let out a wail of dismay. "I don't have any money left! I used it all up to buy my lunch! Oh, god, now what do I do?"
"Midoriya."
"Do you think I'd have time to run up to my dorm and grab some spare change? Maybe I have some in my other pants-"
"Midoriya."
"What?" The green hair boy cried, near hysterical.
Shoto fought to hide a smile. "Calm down, it's alright. You don't need to buy me anything."
"B-but-" he stammered. "Your lunch..."
"I can live without it for one day. Besides, it wasn't even your fault."
Izuku sighed and sank back down into his seat. "Well, at least take my Katsudon. I'm not letting you starve."
"I'm not going to starve," Todoroki replied, rolling his eyes.
But Izuku, with a stubborn set of his jaw, pushed the bowl towards him.
Shoto's lips quirked ever so slightly. "Very well. We can share."
When Izuku opened his mouth to protest, Todoroki gave him the iciest look he could muster. Pouting, Midoriya finally calmed down and started to dig into their shared bowl.
"This isn't half bad," Shoto mumbled in between bites.
"You should try the one my mother makes! It could probably rival even Lunch Rush's. Maybe you could come over to my house one day for dinner."
Shoto froze, going still at the generous offer. "I... If that wouldn't be too much trouble for your mother, of course."
Izuku laughed. "Don't worry. She'd be delighted I've made friends here, actually."
Friends.
Shoto smiled.
He liked the sound of that.
Todoroki stared at Izuku's receding figure, his grip on the sad, white rose in his hand going slack. He winced as he pricked his thumb on one of the thorns that encased the stem and left a streak of red on the bright white of one of the petals as he swiped it across the softness.
Suddenly, his resolve hardened.
He scrambled up from where was sprawled and hurriedly made his way in the direction Izuku had headed. He didn't have to go far to catch up to the greenette, who was walking dejectedly at a snail's pace, shuffling his feet morosely.
"Izuku!"
He turned around at his name, but froze when he saw who was calling. He seemed to consider bolting for a second, but ultimately stayed put, his good manners unfailing even now.
"Hey, Todoroki-kun. C-Can I help you with something?"
Shoto squared his shoulders. Rejected or not, he wasn't leaving until he got an answer. "Yes, actually. You can. I have something I need to tell you."
If it was even possible, Midoriya seemed to wilt even more, gaze falling to the floor as he shuffled nervously. "A-Ah, you d-do? Well, I guess if you need to tell me, it would...it would be rude not to listen."
Shoto's features twisted slightly at the obvious rejection. But Shoto had promised himself that he'd see it through to the end, and though it hurt to see Midoriya looking so upset at even the thought of Shoto expressing his feelings for him, he was determined.
So he took a deep breath.
"Now, I know that you do not reciprocate my feelings," Shoto continued, now stumbling headfirst into the little speech that he had prepared. "But I want you to know that I'm perfectly alright with that. Well, not perfectly alright, but you know what I- agh. What I mean is." He sucked in another breath. "it's okay that you don't like me back."
Izuku's only response was a tiny squeak. "W-What?"
Shoto felt his heart sink at the thought of repeating that trainwreck of a speech, but if Midoriya requested it, then there wasn't really any other option, was there?
"I said," started Shoto again, furrowing his eyebrows, "I know you do not reciprocate-"
"No. No! That's not what I-" Izuku winced. "You...You like me?"
"Of course. Who else did you think the flower was for?"
They both glanced down at the broken bloom, now drooping sadly in Shoto's vice-like grip. Shoto bit his lip when he registered the smear of blood, mentally praying for this frankly humiliating ordeal to just be over already.
"Todoroki-kun." Shoto's gaze snapped up to meet Izuku's. But this time, instead of the angry red flush of embarrassment, there was only a soft pink tint that dusted his freckled cheeks. "I- I like you too."
Shoto blinked. "You...do?"
Izuku laughed nervously. "Wasn't it obvious? All the staring and the fawning and the-ugh." He covered his face. "I was actually on my way to tell you just now."
Shoto was still a frozen pillar of shock. "Then why did you run away?"
"Because I saw the rose and I thought it was for someone else! How could someone as amazing and strong and- and- kind as you, like someone like me? It just didn't make sense. I wanted to spare you the embarrassment of turning me down when you could have any person in the whole school." He laughed shyly. "I didn't think you'd settle for me."
Shoto shook his head in disbelief. "Are you joking? If anything, you're the one who's settling. I'm closed-off and insensitive and I'm an outright jerk sometimes-"
"Are not!" huffed Midoriya.
Shoto's mouth fell open. "Are we seriously doing this?"
"Are. Not." repeated Midoriya stubbornly.
Shoto rolled his eyes fondly. "My point is...I really like you, Midoriya. A lot. And...And I was hoping that we could maybe go get some lunch together. Or dinner. Or tea. Really, whatever's convenient-
"Todoroki-kun," laughed Midoriya. "I would love to go to lunch with you. Or dinner. Or tea. But only on one condition."
Shoto's heart leaped into his throat. "What's that?"
The greenette gently took the wilting rose from Shoto's hands. When held in his scarred ones, it didn't look nearly as sad as it had before. It maybe even looked beautiful, soft white petals with a single streak of red.
Midoriya smiled.
"Call me Izuku."
Izuku Midoriya, now a third year student, made his way up the long flights of stairs to Principal Nezu's office. He frowned to himself as walked, wondering why All Might hadn't bothered to text him for nearly two days. It wasn't like him not to flood the young hero's phone with messages of concern for his safety and delight over his accomplishments alike.
Finally reaching the heavy wooden door, he let out a breath and pushed it open.
And to his immense relief, there sat All Might, carefully stirring a cup of tea as he reclined against the plush leather couch.
"All Might!"
Izuku mentally smacked himself for his unnecessary worry. Of course he was alright- why wouldn't he be? He had held the title of number one hero for so very long, after all; what could have possibly happened to him?
Stepping into the office, he quickly shot off a quick text to Shoto to let him know that he had found him. His friend had tried many times to assure Izuku that All Might was probably just busy with his job as a teacher, and as reluctant as Izuku usually was to accept defeat, this time at least, it appeared Shoto had been right.
"All Might, I'm so glad you're alright!"
The man stopped stirring, tapping the spoon against the rim of the cup, before taking a long sip. "Yes, yes, of course I am. If you're looking for Principal Nezu, I'm afraid you'll have to wait. He's away on urgent business."
"What? No, I was looking for you," said Izuku.
"Me? What business could you possibly have with me, young man?"
Izuku's brow furrowed at this. "Nothing in particular... I was just worried about you. You didn't answer any of my calls, and I haven't heard from you in days."
All Might froze mid-sip, before slowly lowering the cup to the table. "As much as I appreciate your concern boy, I'm not certain why you expected me to contact you. Why, I don't even know you."
Izuku blinked. "What do you mean, you don't know me?"
"I mean exactly what I said! I've never even seen you before."
"All Might, I... It's me, Izuku Midoriya."
All Might's answering stare was blank, the name of his favorite student apparently drawing no sense of recollection. Izuku took a single step back in shock before laughing nervously. "This must be some sort of joke, right? Very funny, All Might, but you can drop it now."
All Might, with his frail frame, stood up from the chair and crossed his arms. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, young man, but I do think it's about time you left. I have much to do, and I'm sure you have class to attend. If it's perhaps an autograph you came for, well, I'm afraid I don't have a pen on me."
"All Might..." Izuku whispered, shock and hurt flashing across his face. "I don't- I don't understand..."
All Might frowned in confusion. "Is there anything else I can do for you? Would you like me to take you back to class? I take it you're in general studies since I've never seen you before."
Izuku stepped back again, his mind reeling. If this wasn't all some sort of sick twisted prank, then what was going on? Perhaps... Perhaps it was a villain's quirk! Something that made All Might lose his memory. That must have been it. It was the only possible explanation.
After all, All Might would never forget him.
But still, a flash of uncertainty made its way through his brain. It didn't look like anything was off. The office was exactly as Izuku had last seen it, pristine and elegantly decorated with no signs of a break in. And besides...surely the other teachers would have been aware if something had gone amiss. UA's security system had been updated many times throughout the years, making the institution near impenetrable.
So then what was going on?
"All Might..." Izuku tried again, this time his voice tinged with just a hint of desperation. "What's wrong? What's going on?"
The man sighed. "Listen, kid, this is kind of a bad time. I'm tired and I've got a terrible headache. I'm sure you know that I'm always ready to talk to aspiring heroes, but you're kind of making it worse."
Izuku's jaw gaped as he stared at his predecessor. The words, though perfectly reasonable in theory... He felt a familiar wetness rise in his eyes. It was stupid and unreasonable, but something about his mentor's cool, unrecognizing tone caused something to give way in Izuku's heart.
Dread.
"I-"
The door slammed open, revealing a disheveled looking Aizawa.
"All Might! Principal Nezu-"
The teacher suddenly caught sight of Midoriya standing beside the door and froze, cutting himself off as his expression suddenly morphed into something between guilt and regret.
"Ah, Aizawa, good you've come. Would you please escort young... what did you say your name was again?" said All Might glancing between the raven haired man and the young boy.
"Aizawa-sensei..." mumbled Midoriya, finally turning to face him. His face was tight with confusion and anguish. "What's going on here?"
Aizawa sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I was hoping you wouldn't find out for at least another day or two. But it seems that was a feeble notion." He held the door to the office open and gestured for Midoriya to follow him.
"All Might, I'll be back in a couple minutes," he called as he stepped out, Midoriya in tow. The older hero nodded and made a vague sound of dismissal.
"Aizawa-sensei, I-"
He sighed heavily. "I know, kid. Let's go to my office. We need to talk."
Shoto rushed through the crowded hallways, following closely behind Izuku's own receding figure. Even with his much longer strides, he had to hurry to catch up with him.
He remembered feeling taken aback when Izuku had shown up in front of his door, eyes rimmed with red and hands shaking. Shoto had let him in, and watched as the boy collapsed against the wall, shaking with tears.
The news had initially come as a shock to Shoto, almost enough for him to lose his ever-present cool demeanor. But sensing that Izuku needed him to be strong for the both of them, he had pushed down the feelings of fear and anticipation and curled an arm around his broad shoulders, letting him lean into his chest.
It was then that Izuku had asked him, in a small, strained voice, "would you come with me? To see him, I mean."
"I- Of course I would. If you're certain that you want me there."
"I'm sure." Izuku had cracked the tiniest of bitter smiles, the faintness of it making Shoto's heart squeeze. "You're my best friend, you know that?"
Best friend.
He'd never even had a friend before Izuku, much less a best friend. And yet, here he was, ready to steal away yet another one of Shoto's firsts.
He had glanced at the boy leaning against him, taking in the shades of emerald in his hair and the constellation of freckles that adorned his cheeks. And had realised he didn't mind at all. Far from it, in fact."
"You're mine too."
And now here they were, pushing past throngs of students and faculty alike in their hurry to reach the Infirmary. The second Aizawa-sensei had knocked on their door, Izuku had dashed off, leaving Shoto to run after him in a daze.
They soon arrived at the large Infirmary double doors. But instead of shoving into the room as Shoto had expected, Izuku's fervour came to a grinding halt as he simply pressed his forehead against the cool wood of the door.
"What are we going to do, Shoto?" he whispered.
Shoto stepped forward and hesitantly took one of Midoriya's shaking hands in his own. "I don't know," he admitted. "But what I do know is that he's waiting for you in there. I know things are hard right now but... They won't get better unless we try to make it so."
Izuku sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, steeling his nerves. And then, with one final watery smile thrown Shoto's way, he burst into the room, nearly shoving the door shut in Shoto's face in his haste. He took a single step in.
And froze.
As there lay All Might. The former Symbol of Peace, dressed in a pale blue hospital gown as he drank a shaky sip of water from a cup. As soon as he caught sight of his successor, he straightened and put the cup away.
"Ah, if it isn't young Midoriya. How are you doing this evening?" he asked in a deceptively chipper tone.
"I- All Might I..." Izuku's voice cracked painfully as a single tear slid down his cheek. Shoto fought the urge to wrap his arms around him, whether to comfort him or protect him from the sight of his mentor looking so weak, he wasn't sure.
The older man sighed, before moving around slightly in his bed, trying to get more comfortable. Recovery Girl, seated beside him, picked herself up from her chair and shuffled out. "I'll give you some privacy. Don't push yourself, Toshinori. You know you have to be more careful from now."
He nodded absently in response, his attention wholly focused on Izuku who still refused to look up at him.
"Why?" he whispered, so softly, Shoto thought he imagined it.
"Midoriya..."
"Why?" he cried. "Why wouldn't you tell me?! I had every right to know!"
"You know I was only trying to do what's best-"
"What's best?! What's best for me, is that what you're going to say? Well, what's best for me would've been telling me from the very beginning that you're going to forget everything you know!" He squeezed his eyes shut. "That you're going to forget me."
"Midoriya, my boy," All Might sighed. He held out a hand to guide Izuku to sit beside him on the bed. Shoto had seen the hero only a week ago, and yet in that small time he seemed to have grown so frail, he looked as if even the slightest breeze could blow him away like dust.
"You must know, this isn't what I intended to happen. I wasn't sure whether this would be the consequence. Shimura, that is, my predecessor died young, you see. Too young for her symptoms to manifest. She told me about it, of course, but I hoped-" he glanced down at the sterile white sheets. "I hoped that maybe it wasn't true."
"This is what Sir Nighteye saw, isn't it?" Izuku asked quietly.
All Might smiled a small, sardonic smile. "It would appear so. Ironic, isn't it? Here I was thinking I'd go down in some blaze of glory. I never imagined..." He trailed off. "I never imagined this."
"I just can't believe..." Izuku looked up, eyes glimmering with unshed tears. "I can't believe you won't remember me. Us." He looked away. "You don't deserve this. After everything you've done for humanity..."
All Might smiled, smoothing a hand over Izuku's green curls. "Ah, there's a great many things I've done in my time that I'd say garner some sort of punishment. Of course, they've been wiped off the record but..." He trailed off with a faraway look in his eyes. "Perhaps I'll tell you about them, someday."
Izuku swallowed thickly. "How...how long?"
"Do I have left? Well, it's hard to say. This lung injury of mine seems to have taken more out of me than I thought. At best, maybe another decade. At worst, a few years."
"And... And how long until you forget?"
"Again, hard to say. My memory seems to come and go for now. Just short bursts of amnesia. But Recovery Girl says that my symptoms are most likely progressive, so my memory lapses will be too. I... I remember my predecessor telling me that I'll start forgetting my loved ones first. Something about the final embers of One for All using up the last remaining light." He smiled again, and Shoto could tell it was for Izuku's benefit. "Or something crazy like that. The old woman had always been a little off her rocker."
Izuku said nothing, only nodding stiffly in reply. Shoto hesitated, before stepping forward to place a hand on his shoulder. Again, he said nothing, only leaned slightly into the touch.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Izuku shook his head and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "I don't..." A single tear slid down his freckled cheek. "What do I do?"
All Might smiled again, and this time, it was true, tinged with mellow pride. "I'm proud of you, my boy. I want you to always remember that."
Even Shoto could tell it was only a shadow of a real answer.
Izuku, shaking like a leaf over unshed tears, only nodded, just as a blue figure stepped into the Infirmary; Bubble Girl, who had taken over Nighteye Agency after its founder passed away. "Deku? Recovery Girl told me you were in here. There's been an attack on an orphanage near- Oh, I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"
Izuku opened his mouth to reply, but All Might beat him to it. "No, we're just finishing up here. Young Midoriya will be with you in just a moment."
Izuku turned to him to protest, but once again, All Might cut him off. "Those children at the orphanage need you. The world needs you." He grinned, and Shoto could see the wisps of his old self within his smile. "Go do your job, hero."
The greenette stared at him blankly for another minute before nodding and wiping at his glassy eyes. He turned around once at the doorway as if to say something, but then seemed to think better of it as he shook his head and walked out.
Both Shoto and All Might pretended not to hear his quiet sniffles as he walked away.
Once he was certain Izuku was gone, Shoto turned back to the former Number One Hero. "This... Condition. It's passed from one OFA user to the next, correct?"
All Might nodded grimly.
"Which means... Izuku..."
"I'm sorry."
He expected this, and yet, Shoto could not help the way his hands clenched into fists at his side. Could not help the way a lump formed in his throat, making it hard to think or breathe or exist-
He's still young, he told himself. Perhaps he'll be the exception. The only One For All user not to succumb to the grave cost of its gift.
But as he found his knees too weak to support even his own weight, as he slid to the floor trembling, as he heard All Might inhale a single shuddering gasp from beside him-
-he knew the truth.
The red painted convertible slowed to a stop as it neared the gate. The words were faded, but legible, and Izuku swallowed anxiously as he gazed at them.
Shoto, who had very kindly offered to drive him here, simply took one long at Izuku before he shook his head and trained his gaze elsewhere.
"This is it..." Izuku murmured softly to himself, eyes still trained on the worn metal sign.
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to. We can always come back another day," said Shoto.
"No, I- We've come this far and..." His voice wavered. "I'm not sure if I'll be brave enough to bring myself here a second time."
"Would you like me to come with you?"
Izuku's gaze was grateful as he turned towards his partner. "I think this is something I have to do alone."
He nodded before giving Izuku what he hoped was an encouraging wave. "I'll be right here waiting for you, whenever you're ready."
"Thank you, Shoto."
"Of course."
The grass was strangely bright as Izuku's iron soles left a trail of broken blades behind him where he walked. It was nearly winter, and yet the grass still sprung up in sprigs of bright lime green, coated in drops of dew. It was almost a pity to step on, and yet, Izuku found that he didn't really care, which was a strange emotion for the young hero, because so far he had always cared too much.
It was the lack of feeling that had brought him here, after all.
He had mourned, of course. Mourned, just as the rest of the world had. But at some point, one set of tears blurred into another and then another as he wrung himself dry, and the emotion that had only expressed itself as tears suddenly just vanished-
-leaving a hollow, gaping hole in his chest where the grief should have laid.
It wasn't plain sadness, though that was a factor too. There was just something more than that. Something that tied his heart into a knot and made it difficult to even get out of bed in the morning. Something Izuku couldn't put into words even if he tried, because he didn't think there was a word potent enough to convey the feeling that choked him, morning and night.
The steps leading up to the little stone house were steep.
The walk felt like an eternity, and like no time at all. An infinity, stretching between Izuku and his destination, and a fraction of a second, not nearly enough time to gather his thoughts. He raised his hand to knock on the curved stone door, and then abruptly let it fall because that was stupid.
Is a room with no walls a room at all?
He didn't entirely know what to say, only that he had to say something because this was the first time Izuku had come to see him, and what kind of student would he be if he left without saying anything at all? He waited, waited for words, deep and meaningful to spill out of him, because surely he had something more to say to the man who had been more of a father to him than his real one had been.
Surely?
Surely...not.
Because that had never been the kind of relationship they had. The words they spoke weren't as elaborate as prose, because they had been friends. And the words wouldn't come, because Izuku was searching for the wrong ones. Because what he needed now wasn't closure, like most people assumed.
It was just to remember.
Izuku felt a lump in his throat, and this time the tears were clear and distinct and burned a trail down his cheeks, because he finally knew what to call the void in his chest.
It was regret.
Regret for every second more he could have spent. Regret for missing the funeral because he was on a mission six thousand miles away. Regret-
-for not having saved him when he had the chance.
The grass was bright, considering the weather. The dew had frozen over in the early morning mist, and it crunched under Izuku's iron soles as he walked forward, placing a scarred hand over the concrete. Flowers, some fresh and wrapped in sheets of coloured paper, some dried and nearly part of the soil lined the ground where he stood.
He took a deep breath.
"Hello, All Might."
And the knot in his chest loosened by a fraction.
The sound could be heard all the way to the very perimeter of Musutafu. The great, booming crack that raced through the air in a massive sonic boom, the force of it enough to cause Shoto to take a single step back, and then another, and then another. It cracked through the air like a white-hot bolt of lightning, leaving everyone within the area with a dull ringing in their ears long after the giant explosion receded and the clouds parted once more.
For a breath, all was still. Even the cool night breeze seemed to feel the tension in the atmosphere. The trees did not rustle, the crickets did not chirp.
There was only an instant of suspended animation. A single moment of only the heady feeling of Shoto's blood rushing to his ears, and the sheer panic that gripped his heart when he did not spot the bright, glowing speck of green in the sky.
All For One, suspended in midair by virtue of one of the many quirks he had stolen, raised his hands to his sides as if revelling in phantom applause. Though a mask covered his face, he was practically seeping with arrogance, because surely no one could have survived an impact that powerful, that acute.
Izuku was nowhere to be seen.
Shoto was mere seconds away from saying damn the orders and leaving the other heroes to deal with the civillians themselves, because Izuku was missing and the explosion had been massive and he didn't think he could survive another second of anticipation. His ice was already forming and he was just about to launch a pillar to propel himself four storeys high-
And then it happened.
An arc of green lightning parted the smoky grey clouds that swirled like the eddies of a great cauldron. The night sky was suddenly lit up in a fury of color, because the black, black sky wasn't black any longer and Izuku- no, Hero Deku, was streaking through the sky at one, ten, one hundred times the speed of sound-
All For One still had not noticed. Was still basking in the praise he neither earned nor received.
And that's why Izuku was able to launch himself at him, his fist powered to ten million percent power.
The instant the villain noticed, was the instant of his death.
He tried to summon an inky black portal to teleport out, but Izuku's black whip shot at him faster than lightning, faster than anything Shoto had ever witnessed before, and suddenly he was there, suspended, immobilised.
And directly in Deku's path.
His fist landed hard, and landed true.
One moment, Deku was twisting, curveting, charging at the villain, his entire body glowing like the sun-
-the next, All For One was crashing down, down, a hundred metres deep into the ground, body still twitching in the aftermath of electricity coursing through his veins.
The mask had shattered with impact.
He twitched once, twice, then one last time.
And then everything was still.
The deafening silence only lasted an instant, because suddenly Shoto was releasing a breath he hadn't realised he had been holding, and the crowds gathered around and within the outskirts of the city were bursting into streams of raucous applause, and the heroes who had desperately been trying to evacuate the premises were letting out unanimous sighs of relief.
Someone, Uraraka-san, he thought was pushing against his shoulder, screaming deliriously into his ear, but his gaze didn't drift off the green speck nestled in the clouds for an instant.
Not when it stilled, held in place by Float.
And not when it started to fall, plummeting through the air as the quirk gave out.
But Shoto was already there, hands summoning a spike of ice big enough to cover very nearly the entire battleground. The first twinges of hypothermia began to show themselves as frost covering his face and neck, but Shoto barely even noticed as he surged forward, willing his quirk to propel him higher and higher.
His arms were there to catch Izuku as he fell.
The second Izuku was there, grasped safely against his body, Shoto was flying through the air again, far enough away from the crowd that he could get a few minutes of peace with Izuku. He knew it was selfish and that a million other people probably wanted to thank him, but he frankly didn't care because it was finally over and Izuku was safe and alive because he-
He-
"We did it, Sho," Izuku whispered against his neck, voice a harried mixture of awe and wonder. "We did it."
Shoto forced back a choked laugh. "You did it, hero."
"Nuh-uh," said Izuku. "I couldn't have done it without you. I thought of you every second I was up there fighting, you know."
Shoto felt happy tears form in his eyes as he whispered, "No wonder it took you so long. You should know better than to take your eyes off the enemy."
Izuku wrinkled his nose in distaste. "Why would I think about him when I could be thinking about you, down here, cheering me on."
"You should know, I was under very strict orders from Aizawa. There was absolutely no cheering. Only a lot of screaming civilians who kept trying to take pictures." And a lot of moments where he thought his heart was about to beat out of his chest.
"Next time, I'm sticking you in a cheerleader outfit so you have no choice but to admit it."
"Anything you want, darling." Shoto leaned over to kiss him, his hand finding one of Izuku's own to intertwine their fingers. "You deserve the world," he said fiercely.
Izuku's gaze softened as he raised a trembling hand to cup Shoto's cheek. "I already have it."
Shoto bit his lip, at a loss of words, because only Izuku could make him feel worth something after everything he had gone through. Only he could make him cry and laugh and surge forwards all at once, because Izuku was more than Hero Deku, and more than the Symbol of Hope.
He was home.
Izuku burst into a fit of coughs, and Shoto leaned over him, concerned, hands fluttering where he didn't know what to do with them.
"Zuku! Are you-"
"I'm fine, I'm fine, I promise. I just-" His eyes sparkled, "I can't believe it's over."
"You better. There's a half-rotting corpse lying in a crater somewhere, and someone is going to have to deal with it. Personally, I volunteer Bakugou."
Izuku laughed again. "That's not what I meant." he coughed slightly, and Shoto cradled him further into his chest. "I have a present for you."
"Zuku, the fact that you're here, right now, in my arms, is a better present than anything I could've asked for."
"No, no, you'll like this one, I promise."
Shoto rolled his eyes, but decided to humour him anyway. "Very well, where is this elusive present?"
"It's in the pocket on the left of my suit. Yeah, right there," Izuku said as Shoto reached a hand into the front of his hero costume. His hand closed around a small object, no bigger than his palm, and he pulled it out, eyes still trained on Izuku's.
A box.
Shoto's eyes widened.
"You know, I promised myself that if I ever got out of this alive, if I ever defeated All for One and was still standing after it, that I would ask you. Because I don't know when I'll get a chance to ask you again."
Surprise rippled through Shoto's body, throwing him off balance more than a silly shockwave ever could. His hands shook as he pried open the small velvet box, and there, nestled in a bed of smooth white satin-
-was a ring. A plain silver band, with no extra decorations at all.
Shoto loved it.
He felt his eyes brimming with a new wave of tears as he stared at the small, sparkling object clenched in his dirty, bruised hands.
"Shoto Todoroki," whispered Izuku. His clothes were ripped half to shreds and Shoto couldn't even imagine how much pain he must have been in. But still, he was smiling, wide and happy and brighter than any star in the sky. "Will you marry me?"
And as a fresh wave of tears spilled past his cheeks, as he let out a choked sob and threw himself forward to press his lips onto Izuku's, he wondered why Izuku even bothered to ask.
Because there was really ever only one answer.
"Yes."
"What do you mean he's still going to lose them?" Shoto snarled, the grip on the armrest of the hard, uncomfortable hospital chair nearly enough to break it clean in half. "I thought you said he lost One For All."
"He did," replied the Doctor, a special one hired by the UA staff who was sworn to secrecy about the true nature of Izuku's quirk. "As far as I can tell, One for All was created in order to defeat All for One. Thus, when the purpose of its creation was met, it itself ceased to exist."
"So then... shouldn't he be getting better? Shouldn't he..."
"I'm sorry. I really am. But it appears that One for All's cost started manifesting itself in Deku's body long before he lost the quirk. At this point, its effects are too severe to simply recede because he no longer possesses the instigator. In fact, without One for All to supplement his body with additional strength to withstand its effects, the symptoms will most likely take hold even faster."
This time, the metal really did crack under Shoto's unrelenting fury, causing everyone in the waiting room to gasp in shock.
"I want to see him."
"I'm sorry, but Recovery Girl's orders-"
Shoto stood, his right hand growing warm with embers and his left, icy cold. "I don't care about your damn orders, that is my fiancé-"
Another round of gasps, and a shrill shriek from Ochako.
"-and if you think you can keep me from seeing him, then you've got another thing coming."
Tenya cleared his throat. "Todoroki-kun, I really don't think-"
"Shut UP!" he cried, left hand throwing a shower of ice his way. It was slow, easy to dodge, and a small enough cast that it wouldn't have seriously hurt anyone-
-but that didn't stop the flurry of commotion it caused, the rest of Izuku's class from his Hero Course at UA jumping out of their seats to do something, anything, because Shoto clearly wasn't thinking straight anymore.
But before anyone could do anything, someone beat them all to it.
A hard crack rang through the sterile hallways of the hospital, dull fluorescent lights casting the whole scene in a harsh, almost unbearable white glow, as Katsuki Bakugou punched Shoto Todoroki in the face.
Shoto stumbled back a step, jaw smarting from where Katsuki's fist had made impact with it. But his fighting instincts were kicking in, and suddenly, he was shifting into a proper stance, flames coming to life in a split second as he raced forward-
"Don't you fucking care about him at all?!"
Shoto froze mid-movement, his flames suddenly quenching themselves in a motion almost eerily familiar to the final round of the UA sports festival in their first year- Katsuki screaming profanities at him, and his flames suddenly no longer under his control.
"I-"
"What, you think he wants this? For you to start making a scene in a fucking hospital of all places? Give me a fucking break!" Katsuki shouted, lunging at Shoto once more. This time, he caught him the ribs as Shoto hunched over, gasping over a broken cough.
"You think you're the only one worried about the little shit? The only one who cares? Then take a fucking look around. We're all here because we want shitty Deku to be alright, so you gotta get your head out of your ass and stop being a selfish piece of shit!"
Shoto wheezed, arm still wrapped around his stomach. For a second, he could only see red.
But then it was like someone drained the anger out of him, all at once, and all he was left with was a hollow aching in his lungs. He slowly slid down to the floor, legs no longer strong enough to support his weight.
Katsuki crouched down to sit on the tiled floor beside him. It was only from this close that Todoroki could tell how dark the bags under his eyes had gotten. Despite how tough he acted, Shoto could tell that the news about Izuku affected him more than he showed.
The dual-wielder sighed, and tilted his head back to rest against the cool glass behind him. He didn't realize the tears had started flowing until one dropped down his cold cheek and onto his hand.
"I can't lose him," Shoto whispered, tucking his head into his hands. His entire body, now trembling like a leaf in the wind, seemed to fold in on itself, as for the first time, the bitter undeniable reality of his situation sunk into him.
The world's Symbol of Hope might die.
Izuku Midoriya.
His friend. His fiancé.
Shoto let out a shuddering gasp as he rushed to press his arm against his mouth to muffle the sound. And he shuddered again when he felt the lightest touch of Katsuki's hand against his shoulder. And he didn't imagine the quiver in the explosion user's voice when he said-
"-me neither, Icyhot."
Shoto woke to the sound of gentle whimpering from beside him.
Izuku.
The greenette had twisted himself up in his sheets as he tossed and turned, brows furrowed into an expression of worry as he whimpered softly again. His brow was covered in a light sheen of sweat and his hand was clenched into a tight fist, pulled up to his chest.
Shoto's eyes softened in quiet heartbreak.
Nightmares like these weren't uncommon occurrences for Izuku, but they didn't happen every night either. It had been months since the last bout, and even then, it had seemed to be a one off rather than a relapse.
With practiced ease, Shoto slid out of the covers of his futon and walked over to Izuku's side with soft, padded steps, careful not to wake him too suddenly. Izuku's eyes were still screwed shut, though the whimpers had quieted into soft mumbles of words Shoto could not piece together.
Bringing up both his hands to clasp Izuku's, he started to rub them with the pads of his thumbs, humming a soft melody he had heard playing in a restaurant the last time both of them had managed to clear their schedules enough to manage an outing for the evening. His voice was the tiniest bit raspy from sleep, but Izuku once said he liked how it sounded, so Shoto had never felt self-conscious.
If it was enough for Izuku, it would be enough for him too,
The routine was one he had repeated over a dozen times over the course of their relationship, and many more times before they even began dating. And so, Shoto felt his eyes widening in surprise as Izuku started to whimper louder instead of quieting back down into a peaceful sleep as he usually did.
Shoto bit his lip, unsure. Singing to him had never not worked before, and it had been so very long since the last time that he couldn't remember the procedure for what he was supposed to do if it didn't. He considered running outside to call someone, but he knew that the Symbol of Hope wouldn't want anyone else to see him this way.
The fact that even Shoto was allowed to get as close to his guarded heart as he did was a miracle, because for all the saving and protecting Izuku had done, he still had more monsters ravaging his heart than anyone he knew.
Because that's what he had signed up for one All Might passed on his quirk to him.
To be a hero is to sacrifice.
Even if it killed him.
And even though Shoto wished more than anything for Izuku to be happy and safe, he would never ever hold him back from his dream.
And yet...
And yet he couldn't help the wave of helplessness that seemed to wash over his body as he stared uselessly. The air around Izuku started to crackle faintly with sparks of familiar green electricity, and his breathing got uneven as he kicked a leg out, nearly hitting Shoto in the calf.
Alarm blatant across his features, Shoto dropped to his knees beside the boy, forcing himself to focus, to help. A warm hand, covered in burns, came across to gently shake his shoulder, "Izuku?"
The boy stirred, but didn't wake as he began to thrash more violently. His limbs flailed as the powerful sparks of One For All coursed across his body, lighting the dim room up in an eerie shade of teal. Shoto kept shaking at his shoulder, grip still gentle. "Izuku? Izuku, please, you have to wake up."
It was almost like he was in a trance. A hand shot out to grip the edge of his futon as his entire body began twisting in protest.
He was strong, having gotten far, far stronger since they graduated from UA. It was only by pinning down Izuku's wrists to his side and holding him down with his entire weight that he was able to get him to stop thrashing. He leaned forward to touch his cool forehead to Izuku's sweat-slicked one. "Zuku, it's me. You're safe. You're alright."
Jade-green eyes finally, finally shot open, and Shoto could feel the panic bubbling up from within him subside as he moved his fingers to intertwine them with Izuku's. "Zuku, you-"
But then Shoto cut himself off because Izuku's eyes were still wide, and the hands he had pinned to the soft cover of the futon were still struggling, albeit weakly. His gaze was unfocused, eyes blurring with tears as they flitted from one corner of the room to the other, before finally returning to meet Shoto's heavy stare. His arms flexed at his sides, and it only took Shoto a moment to scramble off of him and onto the floor beside him.
"Izuku?"
The boy made no effort to rise, only laid there in the middle of the floor, not moving a muscle except for his jaw that was still twitching with well-contained confusion. And even though Shoto knew that he was probably just scared in the aftermath of his nightmare, some deep innate part of him was still worried when he took in the unrecognizing expression that lined Izuku's face, even though he was being ridiculous because of course Izuku would never-
"I- I'm sorry..." Izuku whispered from the quiet corner of his futon. "I don't...who are you?"
And in an instant, Shoto's world tilted off its axis.
"Are you quite certain about this, Todoroki?"
"I am."
"And if you happen to change your mind for whatever reason, it's a minimum of a five year span you'll have to wait before applying for your license again. You understand that, right?"
"I understand."
Aizawa sighed. "Kid, I'll be honest with you. I think you're being a little too brash here. Giving up your hero license is a huge deal, and I think you should take a little more time to think about it before you come to a decision."
Shoto was quiet for a minute, his eyes lined with dark, tired bags from nights of worry. But his eyes were clear and focused as he spoke. "Giving up my hero work is a small price to pay if it means I get to spend even another day with him." He looked at the raven-haired man pointedly. "You of all people should understand that."
"I do, but-"
"You know, the other day, he didn't recognize me when I said good morning to him in the hallway. And the same day, he started screaming because he thought I had broken into his house." Shoto took a deep breath, willing his nerves to harden to steel. "I know that it may seem impulsive, but-" He swallowed. "I thought we had more time. He wasn't supposed to start showing symptoms for at least another decade, and yet..."
"Oh, kid," murmured Aizawa as he placed a comforting hand over Shoto's own. "You shouldn't have to deal with all this by yourself, you know?"
"I'm not. I have all my classmates and my family and Izuku's too. And I have you and the other teachers. Everyone's been so great to me that I-" he sighed, as if the weight of the world was resting on his trim shoulders. "I feel like I need to be doing more."
"You're already running yourself ragged, kid, I don't possibly see how you could do any more than you're already doing."
"I could start," whispered Shoto, "by staying to take care of him full time."
Aizawa stared at him for another long moment, before finally caving with a sigh. "Very well. I'll send your request in for approval, but-" He held up two fingers. "Only on two conditions."
"And what are those?"
"One, you are not to exhaust yourself trying to manage every little thing on your own." He sunk into his chair with a sort of weariness that his age wouldn't indicate. "I can't imagine the sort of things you're going through, but that doesn't mean I'll stand by watching while you kill yourself working."
"But-"
"And two," he continued firmly, "If you need any help with anything at all, financial or otherwise, I don't want you to hesitate to ask me for help. Alright?"
"I don't think money will be an issue. Izuku and I have plenty saved up from the past couple of years, and that should be more than enough to last us."
"Anything, kid." He gave Shoto a meaningful glance. "And I mean it."
Shoto bit his lip, contemplating, before finally bowing his head in reluctant agreement. "Fine."
Aizawa nodded in return. "Then we have a deal."
Shoto made to stand up from the cozy chair he was seated in, but suddenly hesitated. "And Aizawa-sensei?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you. For everything."
Aizawa's gaze softened, and for a second, the friendly, father-like persona that he so rarely showed around his students was evident as he rubbed at his temples tiredly. "You kids will be the reason I die before my time."
Shoto gave a bitter smile as he finally stood to leave, hand dropping his precious hero license to the table. "We can only hope that Izuku doesn't die before his."
Izuku woke up in an unfamiliar bedroom.
He blinked as his eyes tried to focus on his surroundings. Light white curtains were fluttering in the breeze flowing through the open window, and the sunlight streaming in fell just so that it didn't hit his face.
No All Might paraphernalia. No tacky blue and red sheets. Nearly everything in the room was a clean, bright white white except for the walls. The walls... were something different entirely- seemed intentional, because all of them were painted a different color; one brown, one turquoise, one a gleaming silver, and the last one...white again. The sight of them tugged at something deep in Izuku's chest, though for the life of him, he couldn't remember what.
Slowly, he swung his legs out of bed.
There were a number of things arranged carefully on the nightstand beside him- a glass of water, the remote to the air conditioner and a few blank notebooks. But what caught his eye was his phone, balanced on top of the stack of books.
Blinking drearily, he reached for it, fingers flitting across the keypad in a familiar motion. His password, of course was-
Was?
He stared at the now unlocked phone in his hands. Though his fingers had managed to type in the series of numbers, when he tried to remember what they were, he found himself drawing a blank.
Strange.
He opened up his texts and found that his list of contacts was full of names, some familiar and some not. Fumikage, Asui, Yuga, all classmates from when he went to school. He could remember them clearly, remember every interaction from the last time he had seen them in person.
Other names however...
Tenya, Ochako, Kacchan-
Kacchan?
Why couldn't he remember who that was? Considering how informally he seemed to address them, surely it was someone close, someone important?
And...and the one at the top.
Shoto.
The name pulled at something inside Izuku. Something he couldn't explain, because he was certain that he had never heard it before in his life, because such a name, such a person was not someone he could easily forget.
So then why couldn't he remember?
A sudden knock on the door snapped him out of his reverie. He dropped the phone on his bed, feeling like he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to.
"Can I come in?" called a muffled voice from outside the door.
Izuku hesitated, because there was a stranger outside this room that didn't belong to him, asking to come in. He wished he could remember how he got here, but when he tried to think about yesterday or the day before or the day before, it all blurred into a cacophony of meaningless images and colors and shapes.
He shook his head. "Come in."
The door slowly swung open and a head of brown hair popped in. A girl, with pretty brown eyes and pink cheeks. "Hi."
"Hel...lo?"
She quietly shut the door behind her and stepped in. "Hi. I'm Och-"
"Ochako?"
Her eyes widened ever so slightly. "You reme-you know who I am?"
Izuku flushed. "No I... I saw an O-Ochako saved in my phone so I just figured..." He felt strangely embarrassed, especially when he saw the tiny spring of hope that had flared up in her eyes be extinguished as she schooled her features into something more neutral. Not disappointment, per se, but more like acceptance.
"Yup! That's me! Ochako Uraraka, at your service!"
Something about her chipper tone made a small smile move onto Izuku's own lips. "Do you...know where I am?
"Of course. This is your bedroom."
His brows furrowed. "My bedroom? This isn't-"
But suddenly, in a flash of color, he could see himself stepping into the unfamiliar room for the very first time, could see himself kneeling as he painted the three colored walls himself, could see the futon he shared on the floor and-
Futon? He glanced down at where he was sitting. There was only a soft, fluffy mattress on a wooden bedframe. A conventional bed. Too big for just one person, but still...
"Yeah. This is... This is my bedroom, isn't it?"
'Mhmm!" Ochako started busying herself with something at his nightstand, and Izuku was left to his thoughts once again. How could he have forgotten what his own bedroom looked like?
But more importantly...
Why did it feel like something, no, someone was missing?
"Do I...have a roommate or something?"
Ochako froze, only for a split second, before resuming pouring some water into a cup. "...Yeah, you do. But he's away at the moment."
"Away?"
"Yeah, he's out on a meeting, of sorts. That's why I'm here to keep you company instead. He really, really wishes he could be here but..." She purses her lips. "something came up."
"Oh," said Izuku softly.
"Anyway, you said you wanted to get started on that last wall."
"Huh?"
"The wall," she explained, shaking a bunch of pills out of a bottle and handing it to him along with a glass of water. He knew he should probably ask what they're for, but he realized that he didn't really care. So instead, he wordlessly took them from her hand and swallowed them, chasing the bitter aftertaste with a swig of water. He winced, but handed the glass back nonetheless. "You said you wanted to start painting it." She nodded at the only blank wall in the room.
"Oh. Oh, I-" He twisted his lips to the side, and suddenly, he didn't feel quite so tired anymore. "Yeah, I would."
"Do you know what color you'd like?"
Izuku blinked. "What?"
She tilted her head towards the white, white wall, smiling gently. "We can go pick out a color. Anything you'd like."
Izuku stared at the larger-than-life canvas, contemplating, but the words were tumbling out of his mouth before he even had time to process them, because he knew exactly what shade the last wall was going to be.
"Red."
"Red?" She smiled, and Izuku thought he saw the faintest hints of melancholy in the way her lips curved upwards, but it was gone in an instant, and he figured he must have imagined it, because what could be so sad about red?
It was a happy color, after all. The color of fire and love and fine, silky hair. The color of comfort and peace and-
-and home.
"Yeah. Red."
ludicrum. the interlude.
(because no beginnings can end without a middle)
The absolute truth of this world is that change is inevitable.
Two versions of the same event. Except the events are different because the days are consecutive, and no two days can be exactly alike. The worst of days will always remain either better or worse than the next, and you can never pin the best of moments down. The attempts at such are futile, like counting every stalk in a lavender field, or catching a cloud in your palm.
It is perhaps not impossible, for most things rarely are, but the action is futile, because why have the same moment when you can have a different one?
It may cause you pain, yes, but pain is either this way or that, while monotony is quite nothing at all.
Two versions of the same event, may not be the same at all, because time waits for no one, and change is inevitable.
Izuku woke up in a familiar bedroom.
He blinked as his eyes tried to focus on his surroundings. Light white curtains were fluttering in the breeze flowing through the open window, and the sunlight streaming in fell right on his face that he had to squint.
No All Might paraphernalia. No tacky blue and red sheets. Nearly everything in the room was a clean, bright white white except for the walls. The walls... were something different entirely- seemed intentional, because all of them were painted a different color; one brown, one turquoise, one a gleaming silver, and the last one, a bright, firetruck red. The sight of them tugged at something deep in Izuku's chest, though for the life of him, he couldn't remember what.
Slowly, he swung his legs out of bed.
There were a number of things arranged carefully on the nightstand beside him- a glass of water, the remote to the air conditioner, a phone. But what caught his eye was a journal sitting face down on the table, a blue pen marking the page that had last been written on.
Blinking drearily, he reached for it, fingers flipping carefully through the ruled pages filled with pages and pages of scrawl until he came to the very last one, marked in place with a small, sparkling object.
He blinked at it confusedly.
The handwriting was...his own?
I never quite know what to write in these, because I'm never sure what I'll remember the next day, and what I won't. Nobody will tell me anything concrete, perhaps because they don't want me to worry. But I spent years studying quirks when I did not have one of my own, and it has left me quite adept at piecing together situations.
There's a lot I don't know. Or more specifically, a lot I don't remember. But there are a few things that I, the Midoriya Izuku of today, am quite certain of. Ochako told me that I shouldn't be writing things that may confuse the me of tomorrow, but I've never been particularly good at following instructions anyway.
1. I am dying. That's a redundant statement, because we all are, but what I mean is that I'm dying faster than normal. I'm not sure why, some sort of chronic illness, maybe, but it leads on to my second known fact which is that:
2. I forget. I forget a lot of things, and sometimes, I remember, but most of the time I forget. It's not that I forget the small things. I remember we went to buy red paint to paint my walls today, and I remember that two weeks ago, I had soba for lunch. The things I'm forgetting are the important things. People, faces, my friends, what I used to do for a living. Names are the worst, because they're too many syllables to hold on to. But there's something peculiar about the people I'm forgetting, that is:
3. I'm forgetting the ones most important to me faster. It seems like a particularly cruel twist of irony, but I remember the names and faces of people I'm not particularly close to, but when I try to think of friends, relatives...
There's nothing there.
Sometimes I can remember flashes, tiny hints of familiarity. Like how I remembered Ochako's hair used to be shorter than it is now. Or how when I saw the name 'Tenya', I could almost smell the tang of engine grease in the air. I cannot hold their faces in my mind, and I only remember Ochako's name because I wrote it down as soon as she left.
4. There is one person I cannot remember at all. And because of this, I hypothesize that they're the most important of all. I do not know their name or their face or anything about them. Only that this house was built for two, and that someone should have been holding me when I woke up, but wasn't. I remember flashes of other things, a suit, dinner at a nice restaurant, a silver medal of some sorts. But nothing about the person itself. And that leads me to my last point.
5. I believe that I'm in love. And that someone loves me back.
Izuku swallowed hard, suddenly aware of the lump that had formed in his throat while he was reading. He didn't remember writing this, writing or thinking any of this.
And yet...it was unmistakably his handwriting. And if what was written in there was true...
He waited for it to hit him. Grief. Sorrow. Something. But all he could feel was an idle sense of longing.
Because he was in love with someone.
The thought pulled at something inside Izuku. Something he couldn't explain, because he was certain that he had never had someone like that in his life before, because such an idea, such a person was not someone he could easily forget.
So then why couldn't he remember?
A sudden knock on the door snapped him out of his reverie. He placed the journal carefully back on the table as he had found it, face down, and cleared his throat.
"May I-"
"Come in!"
The person outside paused, seemingly surprised at the interruption. The door slowly swung open and a man stepped in.
Izuku blinked at the sight.
He was...
Izuku blushed slightly as he averted his gaze to make sure he wasn't staring.
He was really pretty.
Beautiful, even, in a really unusual sort of way, because his hair was divided nearly exactly in half, one side a gleaming silver and the other, a bright firetruck red. Even his eyes were different, one turquoise and the other, brown. But despite the cacophony of colors and shapes that was this beautiful boy's face, Izuku couldn't help the nagging sense that he was missing something.
Something important.
"Hello," said Izuku.
"Good morning," the man whispered, a little bit breathlessly.
Izuku bit his lap and stared at his lap. "This...This is my bedroom, isn't it?"
The man blinked in surprise, and suddenly the corners of his mouth were turning up in a smile Izuku somehow knew was a rare one. "Yes."
"And you are...?"
His smile didn't waver, and his two-toned eyes flared. "My name's Todoroki Shoto. I'm...I'm a friend."
"A friend. Of mine?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm a friend of yours." His eyes crinkled.
Izuku looked up, and his jade-green eyes met the turquoise and brown of Todoroki's, and suddenly he felt breathless, like he was swimming in a sea made of syrup, thick and warm. "I don't remember you."
Todoroki swallowed thickly, like the words choked him. But still he nodded, not a shred of disappointment on his face even though the words shattered him a little every time he heard them. "I imagine you wouldn't."
But Izuku was smiling, brighter and wider than Shoto had seen in a long, long time, and the very sight of it was enough to etch a smile onto his own handsome face, because what greater joy could he ask for than Izuku, his Izuku, golden and smiling and real?
"No, you don't understand," said Izuku, still smiling, still real. "I don't remember you at all."
He held out a hand.
And then Shoto was reeling, eyes widening in shock, because he didn't give Izuku enough credit. Even with his borrowed quirk eating away at his memories, even with everyone trying so hard to keep him happy and safe and away from memories that could hurt him again-
Izuku was Izuku.
And there, in the palm of his scarred hand, was a small silver wedding ring.
The night was clear, twinkling stars dotting the black expanse of void to fill it lush with starlight.
Shoto bit his lip at the sight, looking at the boy next to him from the corner of his eye.
Izuku laughed when he caught his gaze. "What? Do I have something on my face?"
Shoto could feel his cheeks heat and he turned away, embarrassed. "No, it's nothing. My apologies, I shouldn't have been staring."
Izuku laughed again. "You're always so formal, Todoroki-kun. I didn't mean to sound so accusing, I really don't mind."
Shoto closed his eyes, struggling to hide the contented smile creeping onto his face. "No I... I just- I don't, um."
Izuku smile softened ad he reached over to thread his fingers in Shoto's. "It's alright. Whatever you want to say, you can always say it later. There's no rush, I promise."
Shoto wanted to open his mouth, to protest, because time had never been on his side before, and every moment that he spent with Izuku was more precious than anything he had ever owned in his life. He wanted to tell him so many things but-
-but now wasn't the time.
Shoto was suddenly snapped out of his reverie when he registered a loud thump from beside him.
Izuku had crashed into a figure. A woman, by the looks of it, holding onto a few bags which had promptly fallen to the floor upon impact. Shoto rushed towards them to help them up. Izuku groaned lowly, cradling his head, but he didn't seem particularly injured and Shoto let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
"Oh, my goodness," started the woman as she scrambled to her feet. "I am so sorry."
"No, please, don't be. It was my fault; I should've been looking where I was going," said Izuku, holding out one of the woman's bags.
She shook her head as she collected herself. "Even so, I'm so sorr-" she cut herself off abruptly when she finally looked up to meet Izuku's gaze, and ah, Shoto could count the milliseconds up to the moment she realized. The moment she slowly took in the green hair, the matching green eyes and stuttered. "D-deku ? Hero Deku?" The woman's eyes widened before she dropped into a hurried bow. "I didn't realize it was- you were- Oh, my god!"
Her eyes were sparkling as if she'd just met her biggest idol. Which, Shoto mused amidst his mental scrambling to come up with an excuse to get them both out of there, she probably had.
"I-" She shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. "Wow, it's been so long since anyone's seen you out in public, but- I just... I wanted to say thank you."
Izuku's eyes were wide with confusion. " I- I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong-"
"I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't showed up when you had," she continued, seemingly oblivious to Izuku's bafflement. "God, I still remember it like it was just yesterday. Everything was such a blur back then and there were just flames covering every inch of the building." She shuddered. "And the screaming. God, I still have nightmares of them sometimes. But then you arrived, blowing away fires with the wind from your punches, and you carried everyone out like we weighed nothing." She smiled fondly. "I'll never forget that moment."
"I-" started Izuku, seemingly at a loss.
"Excuse me," tried Shoto, trying to herd Izuku out of what was a very awkward conversation. "But we really must be going."
"Oh!" The woman blushed. "I'm sorry, you must be awfully busy. I won't keep you longer." She shot one last bright smile in Izuku's general direction before starting to walk off.
Izuku turned to Shoto. "What was that all abou-"
"Thank you again, Hero Deku!" Came a call, the woman waving merrily from a small distance away. But that seemed to get everyone else's attention because all of a sudden, murmurs erupted around them.
"Is that-"
"Surely it's not..."
"Deku!"
The two were suddenly swarmed by a massive crowd of people, all smiling and starry eyed, while the crisscross of chatter made it difficult for Shoto to even keep his bearings. His grip on Izuku's hand tightened and he tried to pull him out of the throng of people, but there were just too many, and he didn't want to cause a scene by using his quirk.
Shoto bit his lip.
He knew this night was a bad idea.
The people around them were still shouting delirious thanks and praises to Deku.
"Hero! Thank you for saving my daughter from that bus accident-"
"Deku! Deku! I never got to thank you for stopping that flood-"
One little girl managed to break past the rest of the crowd and tugged on the end of Izuku's scarf. "Um. Hello, Hero Deku." Her eyes were wide with awe and wonder. "I just wanted to tell you that you're my favorite hero ever! And when I get older, I wanna be a hero just like you so I can save lots and lots of people!" Her eyes were sparkling, and it was all Shoto could do not to wrench Izuku away from the crowd when he finally, finally found an opening they could slip away through.
Not easing his grip on Izuku's hand for even a second, he weaved past the throngs of people and discreetly slipped into an alleyway that stretched out past two decrepit buildings. They were running as quickly as they could without drawing attention, finally coming to a stop at the entrance of an old, abandoned warehouse.
Shoto put his hands on his knees and panted, mind reeling in an attempt to come up with an excuse, any possible, believable excuse for what had just happened, because the doctor told him he'd only panic if he remembered, and Shoto didn't think he could handle it if something like that happened.
Not again.
But when he glanced over at the greenette in question, he noticed how quiet Izuku was being. He didn't say a word, green bangs hung low over his eyes, and Shoto waited with bated breath for him to say something, anything-
-when suddenly he looked up.
And his eyes were sparkling with what Shoto could only describe as hope.
"What...What was that back there? Why was everyone calling me...Deku?" he said, as if testing how the word felt in his mouth.
His eyes were so, so hopeful.
And Shoto couldn't find it in himself to lie, because amnesia or not, those people had been cheering for him, and even if he couldn't remember a second of it, it didn't matter because he had saved lives before. And damned be the consequences, but he deserved to know everything he had accomplished.
Every wish he made sure had come true.
It only took a split second for Shoto to make up his mind.
He straightened, dusting off his black coat with a weary sigh. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened up a browser window. It only took a single letter, 'D', before he was bombarded with a myriad of suggestions, all about Deku, the world's one and only Symbol of Hope.
He presented the screen to Izuku, who took it with a questioning glance.
The first video of the hero was one that nearly every single person living in Japan, and far more outside the nation had seen before. It was a short clip, perhaps only thirty seconds long, and it was recorded with the signature blurriness that came with a cheap smartphone camera, but somehow, even with the footage being nearly indecipherable with its poor quality, the contents were clear.
A green arc of lightning streaking through the sky as a figure punched a villain shrouded in darkness and mist to the ground with enough force to shake a city.
Silence.
And then applause. Raucous, loud applause as the crowd of onlookers cheered wholeheartedly for the figure who was now floating in midair, fist raised to the sky in triumphant glory.
A figure, that even from such a distance, was undeniably Izuku.
Izuku pressed his fingers to his trembling lips as the video cut itself off. "That's...me."
"Yes," Shoto nodded, eyes flitting back and forth across Izuku's face to search for any sign of panic or fear.
But he found none.
Only gentle apprehension and stunted disbelief.
"Did I... He was evil?"
"The most evil."
Izuku's eyes came up to meet Shoto's as he delivered the question Shoto had been dreading the most. "Why can't I remember?"
Shoto opened his mouth to speak, but no words spilled out, because what explanation could he possibly provide that wouldn't devastate Izuku one way or another?
"It's...It's a long story," he finally settled on saying. "I could tell you if you'd like, but...It's not pretty."
Izuku stared for a long moment, green eyes glowing mysteriously silver under the dull moonlight they bathed in.
And then he smiled. A tiny, budding bloom of a smile that pulled at Shoto's heartstrings in a way that nobody other than Izuku possibly could.
"You can tell me later, then," declared Izuku with an air of decisiveness that had Shoto reeling. "I think I know what's going on, but quite frankly, I'd much rather spend the rest of the night with you." His hand stretched out to grasp Shoto's lightly within his own. "And I believe you still owe me the rest of this date."
Shoto stood motionless for a second, before a smile crept onto his own lips as he tentatively squeezed back. "You never cease to surprise me, you know?" he said, voice shaded with equal parts awe and wonder at how Izuku could be so wholly himself in a way that still left him breathless.
"Here's to surprises, then," said Izuku, grinning.
And for a moment, it was all Shoto could ever have asked for.
Izuku had been out with some friends when it happened.
One second he had been just fine, laughing and joking with Kyoka and Yuga like he had always done-
-and the next he was falling, had nearly gone sprawling to the floor if it hadn't been for the strong grip that had caught his arm.
"Oh, my goodness, I am so sorr-" started Izuku. But he promptly cut himself off the second his eyes met the stranger's piercing gaze.
Their eyes locked only for a split second, before the stranger was glancing away, looking towards Izuku's friends of all people. Izuku's own gaze trailed over to observe the silent exchange the stranger seemed to be having with Kyoka, a worried look within his own eyes and a reassuring look in hers.
Finally, he nodded, seemingly satisfied with the answer he saw in Kyoka's midnight gaze, before he was straightening, pulling Izuku to stand flat on his feet as well.
"Be careful," he murmured lowly, his long legs starting to carry him off before Izuku could even gain his bearings, the words loaded and dripping with concern and subtext and meaning that was so clear to everyone but the one they were intended for.
"Wait-" Izuku started, but the stranger was already gone, red and white hair having seamlessly camouflaged into the crowd.
"Who was that?" asked Izuku when he finally started moving again. Kyoka kept her gaze trained on the concrete ahead of them.
"Dunno," finally came the reply. Her lips then quirked up into a sly smirk. "But he was pretty cute, no?"
Izuku flushed head to toe. "Kyoka!" he sputtered helplessly.
"You're blushing, mon cherie. Is it possible our little Izuku has a bit of a...crush?"
"You guys are horrible!" whined Izuku, shoving at Yuga with his shoulder, before the three erupted into a storm of giddy laughter.
And suddenly, the memory of kaleidoscopic eyes and dichromic hair was lost to the breeze; like a dandelion stalk, as light and as carefree as their giggles had been.
"Did we really have to come all the way here? There are about a dozen other bars that are way closer to home," grumbled Shoto lightly, rubbing his arms through the warm fleece of his coat.
"Yup," chirped Ochako. "It had to be this one."
"But why?"
"This bar's special, ribbit," said Tsuyu as she hopped to keep pace with Shoto's long strides. "You have a surprise waiti-"
"What she means," cut in Tenya smoothly, "is that this happens to be Uraraka's favourite bar, and she wanted us all to try it out. Right Uraraka-san?"
Ochako rolled her eyes. "Ten years and you still refuse to call me Ochako." But her eyes were bright when she turned to Shoto and nodded enthusiastically. "But he's totally right! This bar just happens to serve the best sake; you'll love it."
Shoto lightly pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know who you think you're fooling."
He was met by three equally innocent smiles and he groaned to himself.
"I shouldn't even be out tonight. There's so much to get done, I have no idea how I'm going to catch up on it. Not to mention, Izuku-"
"Is safe, and is spending the night with Mina and Shinsou" replied Ochako, a sudden solemn lilt to her voice. "You already do so much for him; you're going to burn yourself out if you don't take a break at some point. Call this an intervention to make sure that doesn't happen."
"But I-"
"She's right, you know?" said Tenya, glancing at Shoto from his periphery. "We can all see how hard you work to make sure Izuku's happy. I can't even begin to imagine how exhausting it must be. But everyone has their limits, and sooner or later, you'll hit yours."
Shoto stared at the pavement, silent for a moment, before answering.
"...I just can't help but feel like I should be doing more. All of you spend your days at work, saving lives, and I'm not even doing that. It's not that I want to go back to hero work, but not doing it makes me feel like I'm wasting time, like I'm wasting everyone's time. It- It makes me feel so...so helpless." Shoto paused, and then whispered, "it doesn't help that the doctor told me I'm not allowed to see him anymore."
"Fuck the doctor."
All eyes turned to Ochacko as she squeaked and pressed her hands to her mouth. "Sorry, sorry," she muttered. "But I'm serious. It's so unfair that you don't get to see him anymore. The whole thing about it being for Izuku's own good is nonsense and you know it. You're his husband."
Shoto looked away, gaze trained to his coat sleeve. "He said... he said talking to me might trigger old memories."
"Isn't that a good thing? Izuku remembering you? Remembering any of us?"
Shoto shrugged miserably.
Tenya hummed low in his throat. "It is... not often like me to go against what the experts say but... In this case, I do feel like Izuku's doctor is wrong. I cannot possibly imagine that talking to you would make him feel worse. On the contrary, I've noticed his eyes don't shine as much when he hasn't talked to you that day." He paused, and continued hesitantly. "Not to mention the toll it must be taking on you too."
Shoto was well aware of the deep, sullen bags that had formed under his eyes, his tousled hair and dull eyes further enhancing his exhausted look. But these days, he hardly found it in himself to care.
Because it had been over two weeks since he had last talked to Izuku.
And every day without him felt like this. Like nothingness and an empty void where the light should have been.
"Maybe I'm just not the right person to take care of him," he whispered.
And there, Shoto's deepest, darkest fear laid out, bare and vulnerable. because he had always just assumed that he'd be the one taking care of Izuku. That he'd be there with him, every second of the day, because where else would Shoto be other than by Izuku's side?
And without it-
-he just felt lost.
He was snapped out of his reverie as Tsuyu gently cradled Shoto's cold hand in her warm ones, her green eyes filled with something Shoto couldn't quite recognize. Her voice was low as she spoke, and everyone listened when she did.
"Shoto, in the past week, you've called no less than forty different doctors from all over the world to try and find a cure for Izuku. When you're not doing that, you're running a charity for victims of amnesia, or you're planning ways to make sure Izuku has as many different experiences as he can, or you're calling up his old friends, just so he has someone to talk to. Anyone could see that you're doing everything you possibly could- more than that, even. The fact that you're not doing official hero work doesn't mean you're not a hero in your own right." She smiled a sunny smile and her tongue poked out the corner of her mouth. "Ribbit."
Shoto felt tears well up in his eyes at the sudden speech, and he blinked them away hastily. Still, he couldn't help the slight smile that crept onto his lips. "Thank you, Tsuyu." He turned to his other companions too. "And you guys too. I... I apologize that I haven't been very cheerful lately. It's just been hard, what with...you know. And I fear that I may be taking it out on you. But I should give this a chance. Perhaps tonight...will not be so bad."
Ochako let out an exaggerated gasp, clearly intended to lighten the mood, and yet welcome nonetheless. "Not so bad? Shoto Todoroki, this is my favorite bar we're heading to. You're going to have the time of your life whether you like it or not. Speaking of which," she clapped her hands together and gestured to a crowded entrance built into a wall. "Here we are!"
Shoto rolled his eyes amusedly, his eyes still a little wet as an aftermath of Tsuyu's words. But he let himself be swept up by the current of happiness that spread through his little group of friends, and he suddenly found himself making a mental note to spend time with them more often than he did.
Ochako stepped through the entrance, carefully shoving her way through the thick mob of people who also seemed to want entrance, but to no avail. Shoto felt a pang of nervousness shoot through him when the thought of not being allowed in crossed his mind, but soon, the bouncer was nodding and they were being lightly guided past the velvet rope and into a lounge illuminated by strobing lights and a shadowed ambience.
Shoto let out an audible sigh of relief when he realized the bar wasn't as gaudy as he had feared.
"As promised, the best bar in town. I think you'll like it very much," came Ochako's voice from beside him. "And also as promised, we have a surprise for you."
Shoto turned around, only to see all three of his friends smiling at him again, but this time, their smiles were something shrouded in what Shoto could only call solemnly self-satisfied.
Tenya was holding out a piece of paper, and Shoto's hands shook as he reached for it, because all of a sudden, he could feel a wave of emotion wash over him. His eyes quickly scanned the paper, but did a double take and widened as they actually registered the contents.
"Wait, what is-"
"We tracked down Recovery Girl."
"But she... she retired years ago. I've been trying to contact her but she never-"
Tenya smiled. "We never said it was easy. The class had to cash in a few favors to reach her."
"But this-" Shoto's hand trembled violently. " This says that..."
Tsuyu tilted her head. "We asked her. Whether or not your presence would make Izuku's condition worse."
Ochako grinned, and it was like Shoto's world had been placed upright once again. "She said no."
Shoto swallowed, painful over the lump lodged in his throat. "Then why...?"
Tenya went on. "It's an easy mistake to make, she said, one that even she had made in the early days of All Might's case. But then she observed how much happier he seemed when he interacted with his old friends, and that talking to the people he was close with made him feel far better, not worse like she expected."
Ochako stepped forward suddenly, and Shoto suddenly registered that his vision was blurry because tears had formed in his eyes. He wiped them away, but they just kept flowing.
"I know it's not much but.." she whispered. "Happy birthday, Shoto."
Happy...
Of course.
It was Shoto's birthday.
In all the worry and panic and desperate phone calls, it had completely slipped his mind.
But it was his birthday. And even if his mind was too fogged up with worry to remember, he had friends who never would've forgotten.
He felt a watery smile form on his lips. "You guys, I-"
Ochako grinned mischievously and put a single finger to her lips. "Shush now. We still have one more surprise for you. And I think you'll like this one even better."
She gestured for him to turn around.
And he did, quietly wondering what on Earth could be better than what they had already given him.
But suddenly, the breath caught in his throat.
Because there, sitting alone by the table. was a familiar mop of green hair that Shoto would have been able to pick out of a crowd of millions.
Shoto's heart was thundering in his chest as he looked to his side for guidance. But Ochako, Tenya and Tsuyu were all mysteriously absent all of a sudden, and Shoto groaned silently to himself as he realised that this was probably why they had been so insistent on choosing this specific bar.
A sudden flash of panic shot through him when he realized that Shinsou and Mina were in fact, nowhere to be seen either, but he calmed himself down knowing that his friends would never abandon Izuku.
Which meant that they were probably close by.
Damn it.
He closed his eyes and counted to ten, before walking forward to face the only option he had really been left with. The one that he had been longing to follow, but hadn't, because he had only ever wanted what was best for Izuku.
But now...
Izuku's lips twisted into a small smile the second his eyes landed on Shoto's. and the very sight of it, though so very familiar, was enough to set his heart ablaze, because it had been so very long.
"Hello," said Izuku brightly. "Who are you?"
Shoto licked his chapped lips, praying that his eyes weren't as red as they felt. "I'm...I'm Shoto Todoroki." He smiled then, and for a moment, everything was bright and as beautiful as could be. "I'm a friend."
"Hey."
It took Shoto a moment to register that the voice was speaking to him. And it took another moment to muster up the will to turn around and acknowledge the new presence.
"Bakugou."
The blonde in question said nothing, only turned around to brace his elbows on the railing, much like Shoto was doing. He brought the bottle clutched tightly in his grip to his lips, taking a long swig before wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand.
On any other day, Shoto would have simply walked away. After all, Bakugou was difficult to talk to even on a good day. But today had been particularly difficult for him, and he suddenly found himself lacking the energy to do anything but gaze dully into the distance.
"Icyhot, I'm talking to you."
"What do you want, Bakugou?" Shoto responded warily.
"Nothing. Just..." He seemed to be struggling to get the words out, which was strange for him, since he always seemed to have too much of an opinion on just about everything. He finally seemed to settle on the right ones. "How's the nerd doing?"
Shoto's lips twitched slightly at the concern Bakugou was so obviously trying to mask. "He's... Well, not better, but he's been fairly stable the past couple of days."
Except today, he thought, but didn't say it out loud, because that was only for him to know.
"That's...good?"
Shoto nodded. "The doctor said that it's to be expected since his condition's progressive. Some days are a lot worse than others, so calm days like these are good for him." He looked at Bakugou out of the corner of his eye. "He even mentioned you the other day."
That seemed to take him aback. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. I don't think he remembered who you really are, but I think 'Kacchan' just slipped out from habit when we were talking about UA."
Bakugou said nothing again, staring into the mouth of his bottle of whiskey like it held all the answers he was looking for. "What about you?"
It was an ambiguous question, but Shoto understood it anyway.
"No. Not since... Not for a few months at least."
"Right."
A sudden wave of noise erupted from the party behind them. Sero seemed to be attempting some sort of elaborate handstand while Denki and Satou held onto his legs to balance him. The rest of their friends were cheering raucously around them as Sero finally held the handstand without tipping over.
"You could just ask him yourself, you know."
Bakugou scoffed a little. "That's a stupid idea, even from you."
"Don't say that. He'll be glad to see you," said Shoto, looking over his shoulder to gaze fondly at the boy in question, who was currently laughing along with the rest of their former classmates, green eyes sparkling in the warm glow of the light.
When he looked over, he saw Bakugou staring at Izuku too, his eyes glazed over in the misty darkness of the night. "He doesn't even know who I am."
"That's not true." Shoto took a sip out of his own glass of punch and winced at the tartness. "Just because he doesn't remember doesn't mean he doesn't know you."
Bakugou gave a skeptical glance Shoto's way. "Don't you ever get tired of it? The same fucking routine over and over again?"
Shoto's gaze softened and the corners of his mouth turned up for the first time since their conversation began. "It was hard at first, yeah. But it's worth it. He's worth it."
Izuku was hiccupping now, apparently having choked on his drink while he was laughing. Though the smile never left his lips, even as Denki started thumping his back harshly.
Bakugou shuffled awkwardly in place. "I'm sorry I... You know, missed your wedding and shit."
"It's alright. That offer you got from the States was too important to pass up just for that."
"Yeah, but." He inhaled. "I still should've been there. To support you guys or whatever."
Shoto sipped his punch again and turned back around to face the sky, the night breeze cool and relaxing on his cheeks. "Talk to him, Bakugou. I can't promise it won't hurt a little, but... You'll feel better afterward. And you owe him that much, at least."
A minute of silence. And then a long sigh. And then-
"...I'll think about it."
And maybe it was the hesitancy in the way Bakugou was now speaking, almost as if he was unsure of himself, or maybe it was just the drunken atmosphere that was getting to his senses, but something indistinguishable prompted Shoto to tip his head forward. Not quite a bow, or even a nod, but a show of acknowledgement. Because something told him that Izuku's condition was affecting Bakugou far more than he was letting on.
And Shoto of all people knew how devastating it all could be.
Bakugou pressed his lips together into a thin line.
And swiveled on his heel and left.
Shoto sighed softly before finished off the remnants of his drink in one long swig, allowing just one more minute to himself before diving back into the absolute chaos that were Denki's house parties.
The stars were bright that night; constellations he hadn't paid attention to since Izuku had first mentioned them to him suddenly making themselves known as bright flashes against pitch black sky. Shoto's silver-and-red hair hung limply around his face. But his eyes were bright, shining.
When he finally turned around, his lips parted slightly in surprise.
Bakugou was talking to Izuku.
Granted, his hands were in his pockets and his frown was gruff enough to scare most people away. But Izuku wasn't most people. And he was grinning in a way Shoto hadn't seen in a long, long time.
Shoto smiled to himself.
Maybe he could allow himself a few more minutes.
"Todoroki-kun?"
Shoto, he corrected mentally, though he did not bother to say it out loud. "Yes, Midoriya?"
"Tell me a story."
Shoto up from the book nestled in his lap at the strange request. "A story?"
"Yes. A story." Izuku was still staring almost dreamily out the window, finger raised to point out yet another constellation he had read about. "The stars tell me stories all the time, and yet people never do. They're beautiful things, don't you think? A legacy, or a ballad or even just a figment of somebody's imagination, but somehow, they're meaningful enough that we remember them enough to tell it to ourselves. And sometimes even the people we care about." He finally looked at Shoto with a small smile. "Come on. Tell me a story."
"I-" Shoto cleared his throat nervously. "I'm afraid I don't know any good ones."
"It doesn't have to be good. I just want to hear one. Really, any will do." Izuku placed his chin on his hand. "Please?"
That word had always been Shoto's undoing.
He sighed deeply, as if terribly inconvenienced, and Izuku rolled his eyes and waited patiently for Shoto to finish putting his book away. Shoto took his time with it, carefully sliding a homemade bookmark between the delicate pages to mark his place. He slowly opening his bedside drawer to store it, to be picked up again the next night.
Finally, with a nervous chewing at the corner of his mouth, he said, "Very well. I'll tell you a story. But," he glared sternly, "you have to promise me you won't laugh at it."
Izuku rolled his eyes again, but obliged. "I promise."
Shoto cleared his throat. "Okay. Once upon a time-"
Izuku was already giggling.
"You promised me you wouldn't laugh," grumbled Shoto, a flush staining his cheeks with embarrassment.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" said Izuku, voice light with mirth. "But that's just such a cliché way to start a story."
"Would you rather I start at the end, then?" huffed Shoto.
"Now, now, no need to be snippy." Izuku laughed again, and this time it was more friendly than teasing.
"That's it-
"Okay fine, fine, I won't interrupt again. Do carry on with your..." his eyes sparkled mischievously. "cliché story."
Shoto hit his shoulder with a pillow.
"As I was saying. Once upon a time, there was a little prince who was born to a very powerful king. But this king, despite his endless armies and treasure troves of gold, was never satisfied with how big his kingdom was. Because no matter how hard he tried, he simply could not surpass the kingdom of... Allmightia."
"...Allmightia."
"Yes."
"What kind of a name is Allmightia? What does that even mean?"
Shoto smiled mysteriously. "For someone who was so desperate for a story a few minutes ago, you're being awfully picky."
Izuku grumbled, but gestured for him to continue.
"Anyway. This king was so obsessed with overthrowing the ruler of Allmightia that he decided that his young son, the prince, would grow up to defeat him in a duel for the ages. He trained his son with all the best knights and swordsmen in the land, till alas, one day, the prince was badly injured in an acc- a fight, and could no longer duel like he once could."
If Izuku noticed his little slip up, he did not comment on it.
"And the mean king was so angry with his disappointment of a son, that he locked him away in a tower in the furthest reaches of the continent, guarded by the fiercest of dragons who breathed columns of air so cold, it could freeze you on the spot. He sent out an announcement that any noble who could retrieve his son would inherit part of his vast kingdom, because he thought surely someone strong enough and brave enough to rescue the little prince would be able to take over the kingdom he so desperately wanted."
Shoto faltered a little when he saw how enraptured Izuku seemed to be by his story. He could feel the telltale warmth of a blush begin to creep onto his cheeks at the undivided attention, so he bit his lip and tried to move on before Izuku noticed.
"A-anyway, um. Where was I?"
"The prince was locked away in a tower."
"Ah, yes. And so, the prince was sent away from the family he loved so dearly to live in a tower, far, far away. He had no friends to keep him company. Only the lingering hope that one day, someone would come to rescue him from his prison. But alas, in the years that followed, many tried, but not one was able to slay the dragon and save the lonely prince."
Shoto smiled softly to himself.
"Until one day, an adventurer who happened to be passing by heard of the legend of the prince locked away and arrived at the tower to try his luck. He had with him a sword of the sharpest steel, but when it came to the dragon," Shoto held out his right hand, staring at it nostalgically. "he put his sword down. He did not try to kill it, but instead, he told him that he'd like to be friends. And so surprised was the dragon that for the first time, somebody did not wish him dead, that the ice in his heart melted completely and he started to breathe warmth instead."
Izuku was still silent, as if lost in thought.
"And so the brave adventurer saved the lonely prince, and the two arrived back at the palace, met with cries of joy and relief as the people welcomed their lost prince home. The king was quite delighted too, for now his years-old plan could finally be put into motion. But unfortunately for him, the adventurer was none other than the prince of Allmightia, who had cleverly won part of the king's kingdom." Shoto smiled again. "And with it, the heart of the prince who ruled it."
"...and then?" said Izuku finally.
"What do you mean 'and then'? And then the two lived happily ever after. The end."
Izuku made an indistinguishable noise in the back of his throat. "Happily ever afters are such clichés too. How do you know they were happy? Anything could have happened between the end of the story and forever."
Shoto's lips parted in surprise, because Izuku's words were hitting a little too close to home for his comfort. "Regardless. don't you think they deserve a happy ending?"
"Sometimes," said Izuku softly, "whether or not they deserve it doesn't matter."
Shoto's heart twisted in its cage, because even now, so far gone in his amnesia that Shoto had to introduce himself as someone new every single day, Izuku never failed to surprise him with how perceptive he could be. How even though there was no way for him to know, part of him still remembered the story.
Their story.
"You should go to bed," whispered Shoto, because he was afraid that if he stayed, he might start crying without even realizing. "It's late."
Izuku stared at him for a moment longer-
-before suddenly he was back to his chipper personality. "Of course. Thank you for visiting me, Todoroki-kun! I hope you come back again tomorrow."
Shoto, he thought again, smiling fondly. He stood from the edge of the mattress and made a show of dusting himself off. "Thank you for letting me stay here all day. And I'll come back again as long as you still want me to. I promise."
"Okay." Izuku smiled, yawning, because it really had gotten late, far later than Shoto had intended to stay. But spending time with Izuku made the hours fly by like seconds, and it had been a while since a night had been so peaceful, and for a single, suspended moment, it was like everything was normal again.
Izuku blinked drearily.
Until it wasn't.
Familiar confusion filled Izuku's jade green eyes as he blinked again, still drowsy, like he was just waking up from a very pleasant dream. "Who...are you?"
There was no panic in his eyes like there sometimes was, and Shoto let out a silent breath of relief. "I'm...I'm a prince. Just a lonely prince from a kingdom far away."
"Oh," said Izuku simply. Another yawn, and it was clear that he had already begun falling asleep. "I'm sorry you're lonely then. Maybe I could...keep...you company?"
Shoto smiled and carefully made his way out of the room. "I would like that very much. Goodnight, Izuku."
"Goodnight," he mumbled as Shoto flicked the light switch off. "Shoto."
Shoto froze.
And then smiled.
And then walked away, daydreaming of lost little princes and the heroes who saved them.
"Shoto," whispered Izuku, voice echoing hollow in the dead of the night.
Shoto stirred, but did not wake, instead curling further into himself under the covers.
"Shoto," he whispered again, this time with an urgency that had Shoto's eyes flying open with panic.
"What- Izuku! Are you... Are you are hurt? Are you-"
"I'm dying."
Silence.
It took Shoto another five seconds to realize.
"You- You remember me? You know who I am?"
Izuku nodded slowly, green eyes still cloudy from sleep. "You're Shoto. My... My husband. And I'm Izuku Midoriya. And-" He looked down at his scarred hands, turning them over like he couldn't believe they were his. "I'm dying."
Shoto's brain was still struggling to comprehend what was happening. "You... I-"
"You don't need to try to convince me otherwise. I know. I...I can feel it."
"Feel it?" Shoto was alarmed again. "Why, do you feel sick? Do we need to go to the hospital?"
Izuku laughed lightly, a soft tinkling noise that had Shoto's stomach doing somersaults because it had been so long since that laugh had been for him.
He was still in denial.
"I... This is a dream, isn't it? I'll wake up and everything will be back to how it was." It took a lot of effort for Shoto to school his features into something neutral. To tamp down the hope budding in his chest, like a flower in the midst of spring.
Izuku laughed again, and suddenly he was reaching over and holding Shoto's hand in his own, and it felt so warm and solid and real that it had tears springing to Shoto's eyes because surely even his dreams couldn't be so ironically cruel.
"I'm real."
Shoto sucked in a shuddering gasp and then the tears were falling down his face in streams of hope and joy and bittersweet. He went to hide his head in his hands, but Izuku was still holding onto one.
"I- I can't believe this." Shoto was breathless, choking on the surrrealness of it all. But then he was being enveloped in warmth. Warm, solid arms, that be hadn't felt around him in over two years now, and his tears started to flow anew.
"I'm sorry," Izuku whispered into Shoto's hair. "I'm sorry."
"But..." And suddenly his happiness was gone, instead replaced by a bone-chilling sense of dread. "But how?"
Izuku bit his lip, and for the first time, Shoto realized that Izuku wasn't smiling. He should've ben elated because the memories he had longed for for so very long had finally returned to him but-
He wasn't smiling.
And his eyes were tinted with an unfamiliar melancholy.
"I- I don't understand."
"I'm dying," Izuku said again, and suddenly everything fell into place like an elaborate fairy tale from hell. And in an instant, all the joy that the world had oh-so-generously given him was being ripped away from him once more, leaving him hollow and empty and-
-"you're dying."
Izuku nodded, somberly, and his next words were an axe, sharp and cruel in their simplicity. "I don't have long left."
Because Shoto had seen this before. Seen it all play out like a tragedy in reverse in the previous holder of One For All. Seen everything he had given, everything he had sacrificed-
And it had worked. For a moment. For a fleeting, minute moment.
Because the price for power, for a quirk with a purpose stronger than what could be swallowed by anyone remotely mortal was cruel. Unimaginably cruel.
Izuku could remember. He could remember everything.
But he would forget again tomorrow. Forget everything forever, because his mind would never work again.
Such is the cost.
Such is the tragedy.
Such is the sound of Shoto's heart shattering into fragments so small, his wounds were irreversible.
"No..." he whispered, eyes squeezing shut. "No, please. No."
"I'm sorry," said Izuku again, and Shoto finally understood, though he wished he didn't.
Shoto inhaled, and then he was gasping, his lungs refusing to take in air that his body so desperately needed. He was choking, drowning, dying-
And then Izuku was there, rubbing calming circles into his shoulders, holding him in a way so affectionate and soothing and wholly Izuku that Shoto felt himself melt into his embrace.
"Why?" He whispered, and his words felt like ice.
"I don't know," replied Izuku, leaning his forehead to touch Shoto's. "But I'm sorry."
"How long?"
"I don't know."
"We should go to the hospital."
"Shoto-"
"Izuku, please." Shoto's whole body trembled, like a leaf being blown in a hurricane. "If there's even a chance-"
"There isn't."
"But we have to try." Shoto opened his eyes. And when they met the jade green so familiar, he could pick it out from a thousand shades of viridian, he pressed his lips to Izuku's in a ghost of a kiss, haunting and desperate to convey everything he was feeling. "I won't let you go without trying everything. I... I can't."
Izuku sighed. And then his arms slid around Shoto's shoulders to hold his head close to his chest. His heart was racing, beating, pounding like a wardrum.
"In the morning," agreed Izuku finally, still holding Shoto tightly to himself. "I want you to myself tonight."
Shoto made to protest, but then Izuku was kissing him again. And the night was cold and it had been so, so long since he had gotten to hold him like this last, and the knot in his chest couldn't possibly get any tighter.
His kiss was sorrow. His kiss was a goodbye. His kiss was an apology, for all the tears and broken hearts he had left in his wake.
Shoto was drowning again.
And this time, there was nothing left.
"Izuku!" Shoto exclaimed as he skidded to a halt at the doorway. "Izuku! Are you-"
"I'm fine, just a little scare," Izuku replied with a friendly smile as he waved him over, gaze flitting to meet his eyes from where it had been trained to the ceiling.
But Shoto had known him for longer in his life than he hadn't, and he knew that this time, Izuku Midoriya was lying.
He walked up to the bed, carelessly dropping the water and snacks he had gone to buy from the vending machines outside to the floor. He considered, staring, for just a moment, before dropping to his knees beside Izuku.
"Don't lie to me. How long?"
Izuku hummed, turning his gaze back to the ceiling. "Hard to tell. But not long now."
Shoto nodded, hand squeezing his husband's hard enough that it probably hurt. But if Izuku minded, he didn't show it.
"Are you..." Shoto struggled to swallow around the lump in his throat. "Are you..." He wasn't sure what he was trying to ask.
"I'm happy, if that's what you're asking."
"You-"
"Not happy to be dying, of course." Izuku squeezed back, just as hard. "But I've lived a good life. I've had far more than I deserve. Than I ever dreamed of having."
"Izuku..."
"You know, when I was younger... Before I got One For All, I mean, I had this fantasy of saving a hundred people all at once, just like All Might did. I thought that maybe even without a quirk, I could be the kind of hero the world needed."
"You've saved far more than a hundred people, Zuku. You've saved millions of them. Billions even, because God knows what the world would have become without you."
"Sometimes I wonder whether I could've saved more. I think about all those people who died because I didn't get there fast enough, or those people who were counting on me to arrive in their final moments and I-"
Shoto's heart was close to beating out of his chest, and he felt the cold, icy grip of dread begin to pool within his stomach when he saw Izuku's eyes begin to flutter closed.
"Do you have any regrets?"
Izuku's emerald green eyes opened, staring contemplatingly into nothing. "Some. But I believe everyone does."
"Are you scared?"
"Are you?"
"Yes," breathed Shoto. "Of course I am."
"I thought I would be too. But I've had a long, long time to think about it and I feel... I feel like I couldn't have possibly been more happy in the life I lived." He smiled, and for a moment, Shoto could believe that it was all just a ruse. That the end of the end wasn't looming over him like a reaper in the night. "You're all I need to be brave, Shoto. You're all I've ever needed. So no, I'm not scared."
"I'll miss you," Shoto said desperately, grasping Izuku's hand like it was a lifeline, a buoy thrown out to him under relentless stormy waters.
"I'll miss you, too."
Shoto couldn't breathe. His lungs simply ceased in the absence of futures unknown.
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
"Don't go," he whispered finally, lungs aching to heave out a request so impossible.
Izuku turned his head back to face him and his lips twisted into a small smile, the edges of it tinted with pangs of melancholy. "You know I wouldn't if I could."
"I don't..." Shoto willed himself not to cry. "I don't know what to do if you leave me. I don't know how I'll live with myself knowing you're not here anymore."
Izuku reached a hand out to cup his face, thumb brushing away a tear Shoto hadn't realized had fallen. "I believe in you. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You have our friends and your family and everyone you've ever helped as a hero to support you."
Shoto's tears were falling freely now, each one dripping onto the tiled floor with a disparaging clink as he vaguely registered his quirk was freezing them before they could hit the ground.
"Izuku-"
"Shoto." He smiled again, and this time Shoto could tell it was for his benefit. "Let me go."
Shoto's heart twisted itself into knots.
"Don't leave me." he tried softly, one last hopeful attempt at having just a few more days, a few more minutes, a few more seconds with him, because the world was just so unfair for taking away the brightest star in the sky before its time, and the world was cruel for making Shoto watch it be reduced to cinders.
Izuku's smile was for him, but he could not bear it.
"I won't. I promise."
Izuku is a liar, he thought, long after the hand he had been holding had gone limp and the familiar smile that stretched across those freckled cheeks had faded for the final time.
He's a liar, he thought when an entire crew of medical staff rushed past him as the sullen sound of a monotone flatline filled his ears with horrible white noise.
Liar, he thought when a nervous looking doctor walked up to him, still sprawled across the floor beside the bed, and shook his head emphatically.
Shoto shut his eyes and sucked in a breath, letting it fill him with all the misery and devastation and pain he had been reigning in for so very long, because he had been so, so selfish for making Izuku relive the frustration of remembering nothing and no one day after day, and he hated himself for begging him to stay, and suddenly Izuku's hand was cold within his own and part of him was reeling, screeching in shock but the other part-
The other part of him was so very alone.
And not for the first time, and not for the last, Shoto put his head in his arms and started to cry.
clausula. the conclusion.
The absolute truth of this world-
The weather was remarkably clear for being in the middle of winter.
Still, the grass under Shoto's boots crunched with early morning frost as he walked, the humid air clinging to the tips of his eyelashes and the fleece of his coat.
It wasn't a long trek by any means. But it wasn't a short one either, and Shoto could never predict whether the walk from the gate would feel like an eternity or a second.
Today happened to be the latter.
It was cold outside, despite the sun shining brightly into his eyes and glazing everything with a thick, honey-like glow.
Shoto only wrapped his coat tighter around himself.
He took a moment to stare absently at the cool stone, running his fingertips over the ridges that marked out details so factual, it made him wince. He stooped down slowly, making sure every single petal in the bouquet of white roses clutched in his arms was as pristine as he could make them, before placing it down on the grass.
One of the petals caught on a bit of raised stone. It fluttered away from the rest of its kin and into Shoto's waiting, cupped palms.
He wasn't sure how long he had been staring at it. Only that when he finally came back to reality, the petal was soaked in salty water and his eyes were red.
He touched a hand to his face, surprised, because it had been a long time since he had last cried on a visit. He squinted up at the sun, ironically bright and flooding the entire cemetery with sunlight, wishing for a moment that it would stop shining altogether.
And then the thought was out of his head before he could hold on to it, because there were better things for him to wish for, all of them as keen and as impossible as the sun blinking out one day.
He breathed in, deep and desperate.
And then laughed.
His shoulders were shaking, but Shoto couldn't tell whether from sobs or from candid humor, but it was something and it was infinitely better than the void of nothing that occupied most of his days.
He kneeled down onto the damp soil and pressed his forehead into the cool stone plaque, epitaph embossed in pure, shining gold that Shoto couldn't bear to read.
It was so, so cold.
"I miss you," he whispered, and he couldn't have meant it more.
A phantom warmth embraced him from behind.
"I miss you, too," said the rustling of the trees and the coolness of the breeze against Shoto's overheated skin.
"I love you."
"I love you, too," said the warmth of the sun and the memory of forest-green hair.
"Why did you leave me?" Shoto murmured, eyes squeezed tight against the frost and the breeze and the sun.
Izuku smiled and it was bright enough that it was almost as if another sun had blinked into existence, another point to ground Shoto to this reality he called home.
He laced his fingers with Shoto's.
And suddenly it wasn't quite so cold anymore.
epilogus. the epilogue.
-is that nothing in this world is absolute.