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Tomás Shmuel Coolatta is many things.
He is a dog dad, a scientist, an autistic man, a Beyblade lover, a proud electric car owner, a Jewish man, an orphan, a tax paying citizen.
He is also none of those things.
He knows damn well he was programmed to be like this. He knows none of those things are inherently his, and he knows he's just a puppet in someone's game. Still, he clings to those characteristics as if it's a mantra, as if it will protect him from all the harm of the world.
It won't, and he knows this.
It's unfair, and he's the first one to admit it, but he blames his father. After the resonance cascade happened, his father appeared to him, for the first time in around 25 years, with tears in his eyes. He embraced his son, mumbling apologies and explaining what had happened to him to disappear for so long, assuring Tommy that he would try to be there now, but his eyes...
His eyes were empty. He knew something Tommy didn't. He went as far as to explain to him the only reason why he's not grabbing Tommy and leaving is that Gordon Freeman would need Tommy.
He also warned Tommy of the experience he was about to go through.
"You and I are... Different. You may experience some... Uncomfortable realizations about yourself and the... world around you", he said, shaking a bit.
Tommy didn't know what to think. He was sent back to the room with the other scientists, still pondering about what his father meant. A realization? What kind of realization? Would the others go through it too, or just him?
The answer came sooner than he expected.
It started with Coomer mindlessly mumbling about Super Player Feature. Then he caught Gordon talking to a non existent audience. He started paying more attention to things, with the truth murmuring in the back of his brain.
Things only happened as soon as they got a certain distance from the key objects. Rooms looked identical and so did the creatures. Gordon couldn't walk if someone stood a bit too close to him.
Tommy read the entirety of Wikipedia. He knew what those things were. He refused to accept.
He tried to think back to his childhood. Besides being left at the Dunkin Donuts, he didn't remember anything. He tried to think of any college friends, coworkers, anything outside of Black Mesa.
He could only think of Sunkist, his father, Beyblades, Aperture and the temple.
He decided to focus on Gordon. His kindness, his gorgeous voice, his hair that floofed when he ran, the fact that he was so strong and yet always so gentle with Tommy, the way he stopped to listen to him even when he was rambling about soda. His green eyes. Dead, just like his fathers.
His brain went into autopilot. He kept trying to make excuses, maybe he hit his head, maybe the radiation had messed with his brain chemistry, maybe he was just-
They stopped to rest, after what seemed like two days. His clock said three hours.
"I am a videogame character", he thinks. "I am not even the protagonist, I am just the side character who has a crush on the protagonist and will probably die for him."
That thought frustrated him to no end.
Did Gordon know? He must've, he kept talking to an audience, he did the PlayCoin thing, he should've known.
Was Gordon a real person? Was Gordon as he knows the character Gordon, or the player, who's outside where Tommy can see him, perceive him, touch him?
Did Gordon know he was indeed a person, and not just code?
Was he a person?
If he is just code, if his entire life is just some lines in the screen and a bit of work on Blender, why did he feel so melancholic whenever Gordon had to go? Whenever their three hours was up?
Then he realized.
Gordon could very well get tired and stop playing and never go back at any moment.
And as they enter the hole to rest before going to the Lambda Lab, he sees Coomer and Bubby slump together. He sees Benrey showing his passport to no one in particular. But his eyes are set on Gordon, who's saying his goodnights, and he begs silently.
"Please, don't go away without at least saying goodbye. Please, don't abandon me. Not you too."
Tommy is many things, but he isn't an optimistic.
As he falls asleep, his heart sinks with fear he may never wake up.