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Honami is like the sun, Kanade muses.
Dazzling and bright, lightening the mood whenever they converse, falling into an easy rhythm of comfortable silences and animated words by Honami. Kanade was soft-spoken, she knows this—her memories reel back to the past when she fell into despair. An ache in her heart whenever she thinks of her mother.
Of course, when she thought it couldn't get any worse.
It got worse.
Kanade loves music, she loves the way the melody would resonate in her heart. The rhythm and beats forming a song. The lyrics that would express them. She loves them all.
"Kanade... from now on, keep creating music."
Her father's words rang in her ears, before the sky falls.
She felt her world crashing down.
"I'm sorry Yoisaki-san. We are afraid that your father's memories were affected due to overwork and stress."
She was all alone. Her father might not remember her at all.
Kanade thought bitterly at the doctor's words and raises her head to the darkening sky. Why? She screams in her mind. What had she done to deserve this? It's all her fault, Kanade thinks—it's always been.
She wanted to save others with her music but why is it doing the opposite? If she hadn't... If she hadn't made a song for her father, this wouldn't have happened.
She blames herself, even after forming 25-ji as a music circle. Even when she promised Mafuyu to save her.
'But how could you? When you couldn't even save your own father?'
Those dark thoughts gradually creeped into her mind, haunting her repeatedly. She tried to suppress those unpleasant feelings and thoughts, but to no avail. It's as if those thoughts came alive of their own accord—pooling into the depths of her heart, painting it black.
But that all changed when she met Mochizuki Honami. Sweet and caring Honami. Smiles that were directed at her everytime they meet and a warm, gentle personality. Kanade wasn't quite sure how to react at first, awkwardly answering questions during their small-talk and alleviating Honami's concerns with a forced smile as best as she can manage.
When they first met, with the helpful insistence of her grandmother to hire a housekeeper, She obliged, not wanting the state of her house to fall into disarray. Kanade just couldn't stand working in a dirty and cluttered environment.
Kanade grimaces, remembering that time when a cockroach found their way onto the dusty keyboard she was using. Of course, she promptly rolled up a magazine nearby and slammed it down, a disgusted face as she cleaned the remains. She never wants to repeat that again. Ever.
During the somewhat comfortable silences as Honami prepares lunch for her. She could tell, Honami was worried about her in her own way.
Honami had a way to melt the walls frozen in Kanade's heart, bit-by-bit. She speaks cheerfully one day on their scheduled meet-ups, voice comparable to a sweet lullaby. "It's a good day isn't it? I made some apple pies for you! Please try it, Yoisaki-san!"
The sweet scent of apple wafts through the almost desolate kitchen, save for a few photos of Kanade and her once blissful family. The comforting aroma of sakura tea fills her nose as well. Kanade's lips curl up slightly, growing more comfortable as her unease dissipates.
"Is the taste okay?" Honami asks nervously, worried about the flavor.
"Thank you Mochizuki-san. These are really good." Kanade compliments quietly, noticing the way Honami's cheeks tints red at the praise.
Honami chuckles and scratches her cheek awkwardly, "Eheh... Thanks Yoisaki-san. I worked hard on them."
They fall in another silence after that. The sun rays outside shone through the open window, curtains fluttering every few seconds from the wind. A white bird caws and the sound of wings flapping catches her attention as it flies by, free of everything.
Kanade's mind wanders, it would be nice if she could be as free as that bird too. Free of any worries. She's envious of them. They could just fly in the blue sky without anything weigning them down.
She finds herself sneaking glances at Honami, breath hitching as she took in the rays of light that shines on her. The sunlight bathes her in a warm glow, an ethereal image of an angel. Light brown hair floated with the wind, a finger putting a lock of hair behind her ear as she ate.
Kanade doesn't know how to describe the way she feels around Honami without her cheeks flaring red, flustered and wondering if Honami feels the same way.
"Yoisaki-san? Are you alright?"
Kanade snaps out of her reverie at the sound of Honami's voice. She shifts in her seat in surprise. Ah. She got distracted again.
"I-it's nothing Mochizuki-san, just thinking about my next composition." It's a half-truth, Kanade concludes. She thinks about music everyday anyways so it's technically true.
Honami nods in understanding and offers an encouraging smile with her fists raised up, "Is that so? Good luck! I'm rooting for you!"
"Thank you, Mochizuki-san." Kanade nods and shoots her a grateful smile.
She leans her elbows on the wooden table, watching Honami blow on her spoon and takes another bite of the apple pie, savouring the taste as she closes her eyes.
Even so, Kanade feels a little guilty lying to Honami. Her words dangling on the tip of her tongue as she sighs to herself. She couldn't bring herself to express her emotions honestly, after all.
You make me happy.
I feel at ease when I'm with you.
Kanade wanted to convey these feelings, but words are hard. Talking is hard.
Kanade swallows her words, teeth biting her lower lip at the words left unsaid. She couldn't do it. What if Honami thinks she's weird? What if it becomes awkward? She doesn't want to overstep.
But the intense fire in her heart only seems to grow stronger in response.
Is that really what you want? It asks her.
Kanade doesn't answer the question.
The silence engulfs her hidden answer.
Kanade gasped for air, sitting up in shock as another nightmare about her father invades her dreams.
"Kanade... from now on, keep creating music."
"I'm sure that even music itself loves you."
Her father's words play like a broken record, reminding her of how everything went wrong. It cuts and replays in a distorted manner like a horror show.
Her breaths grew labored. She puts her head in her shaking hands for a few minutes, rocking herself back and forth. She waits for the silent night to lull her into a calmer state of mind.
She took another deep breath. It's okay. She will be okay. Kanade convinces herself.
She goes back to sleep, the moonlight shine on her in an almost comforting halo. The darkness of the night whisks her away into dreamland once more.
Kanade groans in discomfort, her throat scratchy. The itch was getting irritating. She coughs several times, wincing as pain lances in her head. She reaches out for a bottle of water, chugging it down. She couldn't afford to get sick. Not now. Not when she could be saving others with her songs.
The Nightcord messenger app pings, the clock just hit 25:00.
"Hey guys, how's your progress?" Ena's voice sounded through her headphones. "I'm still working on the drawing drafts for the music video so I'll focus on that for now."
"Same goes for me! Found some cool effects online and wanted to try them out!" Mizuki follows up excitedly after Ena.
A beat of silence.
"What about you, Mafuyu?"
Mafuyu clears her throat, "Give me a little more time. I'll get it done soon."
"That's fine," Kanade replies. "I'm touching up on the instruments, but it's almost done. I'll update you gu-" Kanade suddenly coughs twice as the itch returns.
"K! Are you okay?!" Mizuki asks, voice laced with concern.
"...I'm fine, just choked on my water." Kanade lies through her teeth, not wanting the group to worry about her.
"You sure? It's fine if that's the case but..." Ena sounds unconvinced but accepts her answer.
Kanade hums, "I'm sure."
She hides the way her eyelids grow heavier and forces herself to act normal. "I'll work on the composition again. We'll meet at the usual time tomorrow, just like we always do."
Kanade's mouse cursor hovers over her music composition app, about to click when Mafuyu's voice speaks. "Don't overwork yourself." That tone was the same as she always dons, but somehow... Kanade could tell, there's a hint of worry hidden in them.
Kanade froze, not expecting those words. Of course, Mafuyu could see through her like glass.
"I won't." Kanade replies, trying to hide the tremor in her voice.
The pounding headaches still didn't fade the morning after, even with her attempts to get better by drinking more water. No. She couldn't afford to waste time, every second was precious and she intends to make full use of it, even with how she's feeling right now.
She hastily wipes the sweat trickling down her face with her jersey sleeve. At least her coughing has stopped, that's the silver lining in this unfortunate situation.
The doorbell rings. The sound piercing and Kanade clenches her teeth, wincing at the noise. When did it become afternoon?
She approaches unsteadily, stumbling her way to the entrance door. She opens it and steps aside, freeing up a space for Honami to enter. Kanade schools her features to look normal and gives a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes.
"Good afternoon, Mochizuki-san."
"Good afternoon, Yoisaki-san!" Honami returns the greeting with her usual beaming smile. Holding up a bag with a package inside, "I bought some cupcakes from the new store that opened recently! Let's try some!"
Kanade nods, ignoring the pain in her head as she smiles as best as she could.
The walk to the kitchen seems like eternity, when in reality—it's just a short walk. Kanade must be out of it. She desperately tries to act like her usual self. She really doesn't want Honami to worry about her.
Kanade was about to sit down when her surroundings start to blur and spin around like a kaleidoscope. She stumbles on the foot of the chair accidentally, about to fall when steady arms reach out to catch her. Her breaths are uneven as she stands with Honami's arms around her.
"Yoisaki-san! Are you okay?"
Kanade nods weakly as she takes a moment to ground herself.
"Sorry, Yoisaki-san. I'm gonna put my hand on your forehead okay?" Honami says, reaching forward to place the back of her hand on Kanade's forehead.
Honami's eyes widens, "You're burning up!" Kanade closes her eyes as gentle fingers brush against her bangs, feather-light.
"Come on, you should lie down. I'll help you to your room." Honami speaks softly. The package of cupcakes lies forgotten on the table.
Honami guides Kanade with a firm hand on her shoulder, ready to support in case she falls again. Kanade groans as her body hits the soft mattress. Her muscles ached, and her headache seems to be coming back again. She buries her face into the pillow weakly.
Kanade feels a hand on her hair, stroking it in an attempt to comfort her.
"I'll bring a cold towel in, okay? Give me a few minutes." Honami's voice was soothing, like a beautiful melody.
Kanade nods slowly, she doesn't have the energy to protest. She's too exhausted... Even she can tell, with the current state of her body now.
The hand leaves her hair as Honami rushes out of the room hurriedly.
Kanade's eyes dims, feeling the darkness creeping back. She ended up making Honami worry about her anyway, why can't she do anything right?
The door clicks open after a while and Honami enters again. Kanade's eyes flutters open at the cold sensation of a towel being placed on her forehead. She feels sweat beading on her temple. Kanade sighs contentedly at the cool feeling.
"Feeling better?" Honami's worried gaze falls on her, leaning closer. A hand clasps over Kanade's, tight and firm.
Kanade opens her mouth to reply when a rumbling sound in her stomach interrupts her. She flushes, looking away to the side in embarassement.
Honami giggles, "I'll make some porridge for you, okay? You can rest for a little while."
Kanade nods again, eyelids growing increasingly heavier. She doesn't notice a hand stroking her cheek as she falls deep into dreamless slumber.
Kanade wakes up when she feels gentle hands shaking her awake. She yawns and struggles to sit up properly. "I'll help you!" Honami's hands moves to steady her and she lies her back against the bed's headboard.
Honami takes away the towel on her forehead and squeezes the water to the bucket on floor nearby. She puts the towel aside and gestures to the small table beside the bed. A steaming bowl of porridge lies there.
Honami wordlessly takes the bowl, offering it to Kanade as she sits on a chair.
Kanade accepts the bowl with trembling hands.
Honami notices and frowns in concern, "Is it okay... If I feed you instead?" She casts a worried smile to Kanade.
Heat rushes through Kanade's cheeks and she coughs several times, flustered.
"Y-Yoisaki-san?!"
"I'm okay... Just surprised..." Kanade laughs it off. She looks down, shifting her body and mumbles, "Yes, you can feed me."
Honami's eyes softens as she dips the spoon into the steaming hot porridge. She blows on it, steam floating in the air.
Kanade opens her mouth and takes a bite.
"Is it good?"
"Yes. It really is, I enjoy your cooking, Mochizuki-san."
Honami blushes bashfully, "Thank you."
For the next few minutes, they fall into comfortable silence. Honami slowly feeds the porridge to Kanade at a steady pace.
When Kanade finally finishes the last bite, she felt better. Her stomach finally satisfied, she feels warm while her headache seems to be fading.
Honami places the bowl back onto the table and moves closer to sit on the edge of the bed. "You should lie down," Honami murmurs, "You must be tired."
Kanade obeys, lying down and resting her head on the pillow, sighing at the soft feeling on her head. Honami looks down at her, a gentle smile gracing her lips.
They stay that way for a few moments.
"Yoisaki-san..." Honami's voice wavers as she breaks the silence.
Kanade looks up at the mention of her name and tilts her head curiously.
Honami breaks the eye contact and fumbles over her words nervously. "U-um sorry if it's too personal but... I've noticed that you have something on your mind."
A deep sadness settles in Kanade's eyes. She smiles helplessly, "I guess I can't hide it from you huh?"
A finger catches a tear rolling down her cheek and Kanade flinches, when did the tears brimming in her eyes begin to overflow? She furiously wipes them with her sleeve but it keeps coming back.
She lets out a frustrated breath.
Honami couldn't hold herself back any longer and pulls her in. Warm, soft and comforting. Kanade shuts her eyes tightly, gasping for air as tears seeps into Honami's shirt. A hand guides her head to rest on the side of Honami's neck.
Kanade lets out frantic, shuddering sobs as she clings to Honami. She feels as though the deep sea kept dunking her head in the water over and over again. She grits her teeth and her breathing quickens as she cries.
"It's okay, breathe for me okay?" Honami rubs her back as she cards her fingers through silver strands, untangling the knots in Kanade's hair. "It's alright... I'm here." Kanade flinches a little at the whisper in her ear. Honami's free hand moves further down her back and up again soothingly.
Kanade cries harder at that. She doesn't remember the last time she cried her heart out.
She didn't shed a single tear ever since middle school, so why now?
The tears eventually subsided and Kanade pulls away. Honami loosens her hold but keeps her at arms length.
Kanade meets Honami's kind gaze, "Are you okay now?" She brushes away the hair covering her face.
"Yes..." Kanade croaks weakly, her throat a little sore from all the crying earlier.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
Kanade contemplates, glancing to the side hesitantly.
"O-Of course it's okay if you d-don't want to talk about it!" Honami frantically waves her hand around in a panic, not wanting to push Kanade too much.
Kanade shakes her head, "It's okay."
Honami waits patiently as Kanade tries to get her thoughts in order.
"W-When my mom died, my father was all that I had. He's a musician and he made really warm songs that touches my heart to this day... We were happy, at least until..." Kanade pauses, eyes pained.
Honami's fingers intertwines with Kanade's, giving her comfort as Kanade struggles to talk.
"I liked music too... No. I loved it. But it's what caused everything to fall apart. I wrote a song for my father, but..." Kanade chokes on her words, "...my music left him in despair, I wanted to cheer him up but it done the opposite. I hated myself, I blamed myself when he overworked himself and now he's lying in the hospital bed..."
Kanade's breaths shudders and she remains silent for a long while.
"I d-don't even know if he would ever r-remember me anymore."
Honami's eyes widens and she pulls Kanade close again. "It's not your fault," Honami's voice was so sweet, so kind and gentle. Kanade feels undeserving of this much love.
"Please don't blame yourself," Honami continues, words quieter this time as a hand moves up to rest atop Kanade's head once more.
"It hurts me too." She almost missed those words but Kanade's sharp ears picks up on it easily.
Kanade thought she was hearing things. Did she really just say that? Was it her imagination? But still...
"Why?" She dared herself to ask, heart rate rapidly increasing. Before she knew it, their distance gradually grew closer. Their faces so close and Honami's piercing gaze almost felt like she's seeing through her.
A million emotions swirled in Honami's eyes. Warmth. Kindness. Care.
Love.
"...because I care so much about you." Honami leans in and hesitates a little, "I can't stand the thought of you being hurt."
Honami's gaze seems to be yearning for something, flames dancing in her burning eyes.
It was hot. Oh, so hot. If Kanade looked at them any longer, she felt like she might get burned.
Kanade looks at Honami dumbly, is it okay to read between the lines? Is Honami saying what she think she's saying?
There's only one way to find out, Kanade decides. Taking a deep breath, she leans forward a bit until their foreheads touch.
Neither of them moves for a while, each of them in anticipation of what the next step could mean.
The air thickens with tension, Kanade gulps at their close proximity as their eyes locked on to one another.
"W-When I'm with you... I feel like I can overcome anything." Kanade whispers between slight pauses, face beet red from the cheesiness of the line. But, she figured that if she doesn't tell Honami now, she would surely regret not saying it earlier.
"Yoisaki-san... No-" Honami corrects herself and closes her eyes for a second, before opening them. Kanade notices, Honami's eyes were full of resolve. "Kanade."
Both of them were bright red at this point, it's so embarrassing. But... She's really happy. A warm feeling blossoms in her chest. "H-Honami." She squeaks out, her hand fidgets with her own jacket.
"Kanade... May I kiss you?" Honami's eyes looked so inviting and the light reflected in them almost took Kanade's breath away.
Kanade was about to accept when she pales, "W-Wait," she backtracks, shifting back a little. "I'm sick... I don't want to make you sick too."
Honami laughs airily and reaches out to take Kanade's hand, "It's fine, you don't have a cold right?"
Kanade nods wordlessly and the mere distance between them lessened when Honami pulls her in. Their noses bump at first. They laugh softly in amusement, and closes their eyes. Their lips brush slightly before finally meeting. In between kisses, Honami's hand finds their way to Kanade's hair. Her other hand grips the edge of Kanade's sleeve.
Kanade never felt so loved. This was a foreign sensation. Ever since she lost her mother. Ever since her father lost his memories. That feeling came back. Yes, Kanade thinks to herself. Honami reminds her of the sun, orbiting around spacetime in the darkness. The blinding light that allows the moon to glow bright. Without either of them, the brightness wouldn't exist.
The light washes away the darkness that plagues Kanade's vision. They pull away for air before Kanade, in a heat of passion, tugs Honami back in and kisses her again once more—a final seal to end it all off.
When they finally pull away for good this time, they shyly gaze at each other. "Er... Um.. That was..." Kanade starts breathlessly. "...Good?" Honami finishes her sentence, eyes glinting in happiness.
Heat blooms on her face as she nods, leaning in again to rest her head on Honami's shoulder. They stay that way for several minutes, a hand rests on Kanade's back and moves up her hair, going through the motions over again.
"If you ever feel lost, please talk to me okay? I may not be able to help much but..." Honami pauses to press a light kiss onto Kanade's forehead. "I'll be here."
Tears prick at the corners of Kanade's eyes, moved by the touching gesture.
"I promise."
The blinding grin Honami gives her makes everything worth it.
The darkness may overcast her in the darkest times. Even so, Kanade believes with every fiber of her being, that the glimmer of light would prevail.