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Chapter Text

Commander Susan Ivanova hugged her knees to her chest and stared at the empty glass and half-empty vodka bottle on the table.

"Computer, Commander's personal log. Begin log entry. 29 April 2260."

"A few years after the death of my mother, my father told me about the hour of the wolf. It's the time when our fears and loss come scratching at the door in the middle of the night. He said the best way to deal with the wolf was to take a large drink of vodka to chase her away. Then, take three smaller drinks in case she brought her pups along. The damn she-wolf and her pups have been stalking me for months. She even has a name - Talia - and her pups are heartbreak, pain, and loss." Damn, that's maudlin. "Telling Delenn that I thought I loved Talia during the Nafak'cha ceremony has only made things worse. No matter how hard I try to forget, I can't get her out of my head - or my heart."

She reached for the bottle and poured another two fingers into the glass. As she rolled the liquor around the rim, she thought back over the last five months. When was the last time I slept through the night without vodka? When was the last time I slept through the night, period?

Her terminal chimed. "Incoming message from Ambassador Delenn."

What the hell does she want at...0340? Even the Minbari have to sleep sometime!   Susan snorted. Hopefully not another case of the cramps!  "Computer, answer call. Audio only."

Delenn's image flickered to life on the screen. "Commander, I am sorry to disturb you at such a late hour. However, there is a situation that has arisen with which only you can help." The wrinkled brow and lack of a smile made Susan sit up and take notice. Delenn usually had excellent control of her face - the only other times Susan had seen her this worried was when someone, usually the Captain, was in serious danger.

"Delenn, what's going on? Is there a threat to the station?"

"Commander... Susan. Please. I need you to meet me in my quarters immediately," replied Delenn. "I don't believe there is any immediate threat, but I do need to talk to you. In person."

Susan blinked at the use of her first name. "Very well. I'll be there in about 15 minutes." Susan looked again at the vodka in her glass, and poured it back into the bottle. The wolf and her pups would have to wait.

Eleven minutes later, Commander Ivanova walked through the door into Delenn's sitting room. "What's going on, Delenn? What's so impor..." She trailed off. Lennier stood near the door. Across the room, Delenn and the hulking form of Ambassador Kosh in his encounter suit flanked a hooded figure in the robes of a Minbari acolyte. She raised an eyebrow. Well. This is interesting. Must be something really big if Kosh is involved. Susan came to attention. "My apologies, Ambassador. Ambassador Kosh. Mr. Lennier. How may I help you?"

"Susan, please come sit with me," requested Delenn as she moved to sit. She darted glances at Lennier and Kosh as she sat. Raising an eyebrow again, Susan joined the ambassador on the couch.

"I apologize, Susan,” said Delenn softly as soon as they were settled. “I do not believe this will be easy for you no matter how I say it, so I will be direct.” She paused. “Talia Winters is back on Babylon 5.”

"What?" Susan shouted. "Why didn't you call Garibaldi first instead of wasting time pulling me in here? I have to call the Captain and let him know, and find her as soon as possible!" Susan stood. Her heart began to race. Tell no one. The old fear. The greatest fear. Never far from the surface, it almost paralyzed her. Her stomach had tied itself in a knot. Did she tell them? Do they know? Are they here to take me away?   "I have to go, now!"

"Susan, please! It isn't what you think." Delenn pulled Susan back down to the couch. "Ms. Winters is no danger to the station any more, but we need your help to help her." She glanced again at Kosh.

Susan followed her gaze to the Vorlon ambassador, and then tracked back to the hooded figure beside him. Her breath caught in her throat. Standing again, she could feel her heart racing. Susan took two quick steps to stand in front of the figure. Throwing back the hood, she looked into the face of Talia Winters.

"Talia?" she managed to whisper as her heart pounded in her chest.

Talia's blue-grey eyes focused for a moment. "Susan? Is that you?" she asked softly.

Susan's vision began to narrow and Talia seemed to be at the end of a long, dark tunnel. Above the roaring of blood in her ears, the last thing Susan heard before her vision went completely black was the voice of Kosh:

"Yes. She is the key."

Chapter Text

"I think she is waking up, Lennier," said Delenn.

Susan felt strong hands supporting her shoulders and felt a cup pressed against her lips. The juice in it was cool and sweet on her tongue. She opened her eyes. Delenn, face full of concern, was peering at her from only a few inches away. A glance over her shoulder revealed Lennier.

"How do you feel, Susan?" asked Delenn.

"I'm not sure. What happened?"

"You pulled the hood off Ms. Winters and then passed out."

"Bullshit." The word escaped before she could stop it. "I've never fainted in my life. Been knocked out a couple of times, but never fainted." Delenn just smiled.

Susan sat up, and as her head cleared she looked past Delenn. Kosh had moved in front of Talia, seemingly searching her face for signs of life. Talia's eyes remained unfocused, her face neutral and showing no sign of the woman - either woman - she used to be. "Has she said anything else?"

"No," answered Delenn. "In fact, Kosh said those four words she said to you are the only words she has spoken since the implanted personality was removed. She has not responded to anything or anyone else, even Kosh."

"How did she get here? Are you sure she’s really Talia and not that...thing... Psi Corps put in her? She was supposed to be gone!"

"That is a long tale. Are you sure you are ready for it?"

"Damn it, Delenn! I need to know. I thought she was dead - at least everything that was really her. Bester even hinted they had dissected her, the bastard!"

"'Bastard' indeed." Delenn shook her head. "Very well. After Ms. Winters was taken by the Psi Corps last year, Ambassador Kosh came to me. He ordered me to use the Rangers to find her and bring her back to Babylon 5. At the time, I did not ask why." She paused thoughtfully. "Luckily, we already had contacts with both the Mars resistance and the underground railroad for telepaths. We brought them together slowly - it took a while to build the trust needed for them to work well together. Working carefully, they tried for several months to find Ms. Winters and eventually they located her in one of the Psi Corps research stations on Syria Planum."

"After they found her, they had to get her out. It took another month, but they finally got a break. They got a few days advance notice of the move of some 'cargo' from one dome to another. One of our sources inside the Psi Corps let the railroad know the 'cargo' was really telepathic human research subjects, including Ms. Winters. They were able to place an operative on the transport who disabled the pilot and guards, and flew it to a secret location. The telepaths had all been sedated for the trip. Once they awoke, they were offered a choice of remaining with the transport until the Corps arrived or leaving the Corps and Mars forever. Almost all chose to leave. They dosed all of them with the sleepers..."

"Was that really necessary?" interrupted Susan. "That's almost as bad as scanning someone without permission."

"Susan, I know that seems wrong to you. However, it was a hard decision but a necessary one," countered Delenn. "The Psi Corps was soon going to be crawling all over Mars trying to find those we had rescued, and a single stray thought - intentional or not - could have been a disaster. Unfortunately, Ms. Winters, or the personality inside her at least, refused the sleepers and became violent. They restrained her and sedated her again, then dosed her with the sleeper drugs. They kept her under until she was off planet. And before you ask, we had her constantly monitored while she was asleep. The resistance left those who did not want to leave with the transport, also sedated, so they could get far away."

"Do you remember several weeks ago when I left Babylon 5? Kosh and I met the transport in hyperspace. Kosh scanned all the telepaths to ensure there were no other implanted personalities among them, and then took Talia to his ship. I worked with the Rangers and the underground railroad to get the rest on their way out of Psi Corps' control. Some continued on, while a few chose to go to Minbar after speaking to Alisa Beldon."

Susan smiled briefly, remembering the young telepath she and Talia had sparred over. That had finally made Susan realize that Talia the woman was not the same as the Psi Corps organization. She shook her head. Focus, Susan. "Were there any others?"

Delenn looked confused for a moment. She looked down. "Implanted personalities? Yes. There was one young man who had no idea. He had not been triggered, but Kosh could see the alternate personality in him."

"What happened to him?"

"Kosh took him to his ship when he took Ms. Winters. I do not know what happened to him after that. I returned to Babylon 5 while Kosh remained aboard his vessel and worked to remove the Control personality from Ms. Winters. It took a few weeks, but he was able to do so. Evidently, he had made a recording of some sort of her months ago and he was able to use that to remove the implant."

"Yes, Talia told me about that one time. He had hired her to sit in on some nonsense negotiations. The client turned out to be a ViCaR, who gave him a data crystal when they were done. When she asked, Kosh told her the crystal had 'Reflection, surprise, terror. For the future.’ She had no idea why he did that, or what it was for. So, when did you find out he had succeeded?"

"Kosh returned to the station early this morning and brought her to me, only a few minutes before I contacted you. That was the first I had heard from him since we parted."

Both women turned and looked at the Vorlon. He left off his examination of Talia Winters and looked down on them.

"You knew, didn’t you? Why didn't you remove it then?" asked Susan.

"Unnecessary," responded Kosh.

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Necessary."

"Necessary now? For what?"

"Future."

"What the HELL does that mean?" yelled Susan. She got up and began to pace. "Why now? And what does this have to do with me?"

Kosh looked at Susan, and then again at Talia. "The cord is far stronger than a single strand."

Susan looked at Delenn and rolled her eyes. "You've listened to him more than me. Does that make any sense to you?"

"While Kosh is often obscure and cryptic, he is not malicious. His meaning is often revealed in time.” Delenn looked thoughtful. "Perhaps he means that you will be stronger together with Ms. Winters, rather than alone in the darkness."

"Oh, so he rescued her so I can have a lo-, I mean, a life? Seriously? And what 'darkness' are you talking about?" Susan began to pace again.

Delenn stood and took Susan's hand, stopping her as she paced. "Susan, look at me." Susan made eye contact then shied away. "Susan!" She looked up, meeting Delenn's gaze again. "You have not been the same since last year, Susan. You can fool many, but not those closest to you. We have all been worried about you - John, Garibaldi, Franklin, even G'Kar. You are important to our cause, and more importantly, to each of us personally. I think Ms. Winters was - is - more important to you than any of us realized." Delenn leaned in closer. "Especially with what you told me during the Nafak'cha," she whispered.

Susan looked away, then shook her head and looked at Kosh. "Fine. It's necessary. What do you want me to do about it?"

"The other is gone, but she has locked herself in her own mind. You are the key," responded Kosh.

"So I'm supposed to 'unlock' her mind? How?"

Kosh didn't respond immediately, merely looked away at Talia. The eye of his encounter suit contracted and dilated. After a moment, he looked back at Susan and answered:

"You must reach her."

"I can't."

"Then she will die." The words rang with finality. Susan’s heart sank.

"How?” she asked again. Tell no one. “I'm not a telepath." Does Kosh know?   Susan's heart was pounding again. What about Delenn?

"Does the bear ask the eagle how to fish?"

Susan gave Kosh the glare she reserved for ensigns right after they had done something particularly stupid, and right before she assigned them to scrub the head for a month. Kosh returned her gaze imperturbably. This is getting us nowhere, damn it.

Delenn broke the silence. "Susan, you were the closest of us all to Ms. Winters. Why don't you think about the times you felt closest to her, and start there?"

Susan's thoughts immediately went to the one night she and Talia had spent together, the night before Talia was taken from her. That memory had remained bright through the long nights no matter how much she tried to forget. Holding on to her own blocks with all her might, feeling Talia's blocks come down and Talia’s emotions flooding over her mind like a brilliant sunset, all warm, red-gold light. Feeling the fire growing within her, hearing Talia's voice crying out and her own answering... Right. That's probably not exactly what Delenn had in mind. OK. I have to try and do something.

Susan stood and took Talia's hand, calling her name. Studying her face closely, she realized Talia was much thinner. She was paler than Susan remembered, too. The dark circles under her eyes and her hollow cheeks threw her cheekbones into sharp relief. Muscles and tendons sharply defined her neck. Her hair was duller somehow, not the brilliant gold Susan was used to. She reached out and tucked a stray lock behind Talia's ear. "Talia," she called. "Talia, can you hear me? Wake up and talk to me, sweetheart." She tried various versions of this for several minutes before Delenn broke in:

"Susan, I do not think she will respond to verbal communication. You will have to try something else."

Susan sighed. "I didn't think so, but I had to try." Tell no one. She took Talia's hands and fumblingly, fearfully, reached out for her mind. Mama, forgive me. I have to do this. She closed her eyes and reached out with her mind. At first, she hit a solid barrier, like running into a bulkhead in the dark. Then a shock went through her brain and body and the barrier seemed to soften as she merged with it and slipped through.

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When Susan opened her eyes, she was in a large, dark space. The whole place was wrapped in a watchful silence. Directly in front of her was a door, a door right out of an old-fashioned fairy tale. Made of thick wood and bound in iron, it was slightly ajar and a bright light came through the crack. She pushed it open and stepped through into the light.

As her eyes adjusted, she found herself in a forest clearing. The trees and grass were a brilliant springtime green, and the overall impression was of life and health. Looking behind her, the door seemed to hang in the air with no support, but she could still see the darkness through it. She spotted a path and, for lack of a better option, began to walk. The path was clear, but as she followed it she became more and more uneasy. Although it looked and felt like springtime, Susan spotted signs that not everything was well. Many leaves had brown, withered edges. Buds that should be sprouting leaves and flowers remained closed. Strangest of all was the silence. No whirring of wings. No scurrying of animals. No buzzing insects. No wind at all. Even as she walked, the bright light began to change, shading towards the orange of sunset.

After a few minutes' walk through the trees, the path opened into another clearing with a small, rustic cottage. It was rather quaint, with a thatched roof and trim right out of a child's fairy tale. At first glance, it seemed to welcome you in. Then she noticed the tightly-closed shutters and another iron-bound door. Susan tried the door, but it wouldn't budge. She walked around the cottage looking for another door or an open window but found nothing. Returning to the front, she tried the door again and was surprised to see a handprint appear on the door. Hmm. Let's see. I don't think my ID will work but maybe... She placed her hand over the print. Her fingers and palm tingled with another shock for a moment, and then the door swung open. Stepping inside, she saw a figure in the dim light, kneeling with hands over her eyes.

Susan crossed quickly to the figure and gently pulled her hands away from her face. "Talia, it's Susan. Come with me, you have to wake up."

Talia's eyes snapped open, wide and wild. "No, no! You're not real! You're that monster trying to hurt me again! Leave me alone!" She pulled her hands away from Susan, then shoved her hard in the stomach throwing her backwards --

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Susan opened her eyes and found herself staring at Delenn's concerned face again. She was on the floor of Delenn's quarters being propped up by Lennier. She looked over her shoulder at him. "Mr. Lennier, we have to stop meeting like this. People are going to talk." She smiled as he lowered his eyes and blushed.

"What happened?" asked Delenn.

Susan turned back to Delenn. "I found her. She is in... she is hiding and doesn't believe it is me. I think the Control personality tried to play games with her, or hurt her, maybe to get her to reveal any secrets she was keeping."  I can't tell them exactly what I saw. It's just too personal for me to share without asking her - I don't even know what it all means. I wonder if Kosh opened the door into the 'forest', but couldn't get into the cottage?   "I tried to get her to come with me, but she wouldn't believe me and somehow shoved me back out of her." She looked at Kosh. "I found her. Now what?"

"Bring her out," he replied.

Standing, she faced Talia again. She took Talia's hands between her own and clasped them to her heart. Leaning forward, she pressed her forehead into Talia's. Talia's vacant eyes closed as she neared, and Susan closed hers and reached out again with her mind. This time she passed easily through the barrier, almost as if it was part of her own mind.

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The iron-bound door was nearly closed even though she had left it open. Interesting. Susan pushed through into the forest and started down the path. Even more leaves were withered, grass was brown, and the air was much cooler. Light was starting to fade. By the time she reached the cottage, it felt like the sun had just set. She pushed through the cottage door looking for Talia.

The dimness in the cottage had become darkness. Susan could just see Talia's form slumped on the floor. She was lying as if she had fallen sideways, knees still pulled up, head buried in the crook of her arm, crying softly.

"Talia?" Susan knelt beside her and gently reached out to stroke her back. "Talia, it's really me. It's Susan. I need you to wake up." She touched her shoulder and gently shook her.

"No, no," Talia whimpered. "I can't. I can't do this anymore. Leave me alone."

"Talia, please! We need you." Susan paused. "I need you!" she whispered. Susan leaned down and pulled Talia's form up into her arms. Just as she had done in the 'real' world, she pressed her forehead against Talia's and reached out to her. She sent all the love she could find down their link, hoping to reach any spark that was there. It was almost completely dark and a thin, cold wind had begun to whistle through the trees outside.

Susan sat with Talia in her lap for what seemed like hours, radiating love. Kissing Talia's forehead, pressing her cheek against Talia's hair. Slowly she realized she could see the walls of the cottage again. Talia's eyes fluttered open.

"Susan?" she asked in barely a whisper.

"Yes, it's me. Come with me - you have to come out."

"I'm so tired. Can't I rest?"

"No, we have to go, sweetheart." Susan stood and pulled Talia to her feet. "Lean on me." As they walked to the door, Susan could feel the golden light she remembered from Talia start to seep back out of the woman next to her and surround her, filling the cottage and her own heart. The light outside was growing brighter. When they stepped out, they stepped out into bright morning sunlight.

Talia raised her face to the sky as the sunlight streamed down. She took a deep breath. She stood taller and suddenly began to laugh. She spun around, arms outstretched. "Oh, yes! I think it is real!" Susan watched, wide-eyed with surprise, as the grass became green and flowers bloomed at Talia's feet. She felt a warm breeze blowing, and heard birdsong in the air. Talia reached up to the sky, laughing with joy. She turned to look at Susan as the golden light flowing from her being became blinding.

Susan shut her eyes and heard the voice of Kosh echo in her mind:

“It is done."

Chapter Text

Susan opened her eyes. She was still standing face to face with Talia. Talia's eyelids flickered open and Susan held her breath. After a few moments, life and focus returned, and blue-grey stared into deep blue. Talia raised her hand and gently touched Susan's cheek. "It is you!" Talia exclaimed softly, joy in her voice and eyes. "You are real!"

After a moment that seemed to last for an eternity to Susan, Talia's eyes slowly closed and she leaned into Susan. She started to collapse and Susan began to panic. "Talia! Stay with me!"

"She must rest," said Kosh. "Her trial was long and hard."

Susan raised her link. "Ivanova to MedLab. Get me Dr. Franklin."

"Franklin here."

"Stephen, I have situation in Ambassador Delenn's quarters. Will you come up and bring an orderly with a bed?"

"How serious is this, Susan? Trauma?"

"No, I don't think so. We just need to get someone to MedLab for you to check out."

"I can do that there, Susan."

"The Ambassador is going to want her quarters back, and there are good reasons for moving... the patient to MedLab. And Stephen, make sure whoever you bring doesn't talk too much."

"Fine. We'll be there in five."

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In MedLab, Susan checked her link. 0530. Still another 30 minutes before I can contact John. Oh, who am I kidding. He's going to be pissed I didn't contact him when I first saw Talia. "Ivanova to Sheridan."

"It's a little early, Susan," came the response after a few moments.

"I know, Captain. I'm sorry to wake you, but I... we have a situation in MedLab 1. It's not urgent, but I need you to meet me here as soon as possible. Preferably before your shift starts."

"Is Franklin OK?" he asked with concern. "What's going on?"

"Stephen's fine. Possible long-term security issue. I don't want to send anything else out on the link just yet."

"What about Michael?"

"He's next on my list," responded Susan.

"Very well. I'll be there by 0600. Sheridan out."

Susan looked through the window to see Franklin and a nurse hovering over Talia. Her chest rose and fell slowly, and her color was already better than in Delenn's quarters.

"Ivanova to Garibaldi."

"Susan? Are we under attack? I don't feel the station shaking."

"What? Where did that come from, Michael?"

"It's before 0600. I figured the only thing that would drag you out of bed at this time would be a major assault."

Susan rolled her eyes. "If people were meant to get up this early, God wouldn't have had to create coffee. Seriously, though. I need you to meet me and the Captain in MedLab 1 by 0600."

"Really?" Garibaldi sounded thoughtful. "OK, I'll be there."

A few minutes later a rumpled Garibaldi came through the door. As he walked up to her, he glanced into the treatment room where Talia lay and froze. "What the hell? Is that..."

"Yes, it is. The real Talia, not that Psi Corps bitch."

"How do you know?"

"I'll tell you the whole story when the captain gets here. I don't want to tell it twice."

They stood side by side in silence watching Franklin work until they heard the MedLab door open. Captain Sheridan walked in.

"OK, Susan, what's going on? Why they mystery this early in the morning?" He joined them, and did a double-take when he glanced in the window. "What the hell? Is that..."

"Jinx!" said Garibaldi.

Captain Sheridan gave him an annoyed look, then turned to Susan. "This is why you needed to see me? How long has she been back on the station? Why didn't you call me right away?"

"Captain, I've known she was back for about two hours..."

"Why didn't you contact me then?"

"Captain.” Susan held up her hand. “As far as I know, she's been conscious for about 15 seconds in that time, and hardly a threat. It started just before 0400 with a call from Delenn. I went to her quarters and found Delenn, Lennier, Kosh, and Talia. Evidently Kosh had only brought her to Delenn a few minutes before." She gave the captain and Garibaldi a summary of what Delenn had told her.

"Eventually, I was able to reach her and wake her up. She recognized me, and then fell asleep. She certainly didn't act like the Control personality did last time I saw her."

"Reach her? How did you reach her if Kosh couldn't?" Garibaldi asked, frowning.

"I don't know why she responded to me," Susan answered. "She just did." Susan was saved from further questions as Franklin joined them. "How is she, Stephen?"

He frowned. "Not great. She seems to be sleeping deeply, but there's a lot of extra brain activity for regular sleep. It looks like a healthy brainwave pattern, though, so I'm not too worried."

"Can you tell if the Control personality is gone, Doctor Franklin?" asked the captain.

"No, not without a detailed scan of her from before it was implanted. And maybe not even then. Psi Corps took all her records with them when she left."

"Let me check the backups, doc. Sometimes files accidentally get retained when they aren't supposed to," said Garibaldi.

"What? Michael, you shouldn't have access to medical files! Those should be backed up on a totally different system."

Garibaldi smiled innocently. "Oh, I don't. And they are. But sometimes accidents happen."

Franklin groaned. "We are going to discuss this later, Garibaldi!"

"What about the rest of her? Is she healthy?" asked Susan.

"Well, she's not sick," answered Stephen. "But I wouldn't call her well, either. She's down almost 15 kilos from the last time she was here, and her muscle tone is poor. She hasn't been moving much in the last few months, that's for sure. She's also mildly anemic and has a couple of vitamin deficiencies. She needs sunlight, even artificial sunlight. I had to give her an IV to help with dehydration."

"Any other physical issues?" asked Susan.

"There are a few things I found that I need to ask her about. I didn't do a complete workup last time, and Psi Corps took her medical records when she left. We'll have to see if Garibaldi can pull them from the 'accidental' backups." Stephen glared at Garibaldi, who returned his gaze innocently.

"Things? Like what?" Even as she asked, Susan knew it was a long shot. In some things, Stephen was very, very old-fashioned.

"Susan, you know I can't tell you that. I have to have her permission before I disclose confidential patient information to anyone."

"Stephen, I know about confidentiality. But this is also about station security - we need to know she is who we think she is, and that she hasn't just been reprogrammed again. I don't believe she is a threat, but we need more than that."

Franklin hesitated. "Well, there is some scarring I don't remember." He pulled up a scan and pointed them out. "Left and right temples, back of the head, upper and lower spine, and lower abdomen."

"Any ideas?"

"Well, the scars on her temples, neck, and spine all have corresponding lesions to the brain and nerve tissue below."

"What about the one on her abdomen?"

"I'm not sure. It's the wrong location for an appendectomy, and too small for a hysterectomy. Both her appendix and reproductive organs are intact."

"Bastards," Susan muttered.

"Until we know for sure that this is really Ms. Winters, I want to minimize contact with her," interrupted Sheridan. He eyed Ivanova. "I'm tempted to tell you to let Garibaldi handle this, and to stay away from her until we find out."

Susan raised her eyebrow at that, and turned back to the window into Talia's room. After a moment, she spoke softly. "Captain, what is the first thing they taught us at the Academy about giving orders?"

"Never give an order you know won't be... oh."

She turned back to him, scowling. "Exactly."

"You feel that strongly about it?"

"Yes, I do. You remember how I felt about Lyta scanning me? This is worse."

"Susan, I think I agree with the Captain. You may be too close to this to..." Garibaldi cut off at her glare. "At least let me assign a security guard to watch her!"

"That's not fair, Garibaldi. You can't treat her like a criminal after Psi Corps rummaged through her brain!"

"That's not the point, Susan," countered the Captain. "We have to think of the bigger picture before we..."

"If we do not trust Kosh, then none of this matters." Delenn's voice, soft but hard as steel, rang out from behind them. Her tone cut through the argument and all four of them fell silent as they turned. Susan was the only one who was not surprised.

"At its heart, the real question is this: do we trust Kosh or not?" Delenn continued as she walked towards them. "If we do not trust him in this, how can we trust him in the fight against the Shadows? If we cannot trust him against the Shadows, then we might as well give up now." She paused, looking into Sheridan's eyes. "John, maybe you should go talk to Kosh."

"I think that's a good idea," Sheridan stated firmly. "Maybe I can get a straight answer from him for once. Michael, I do want that security guard assigned."

"Will do, Captain. I'll stay, and then get Lou down here when he comes on shift." They looked at Susan.

"Fine. As long as it's clear that she's not a criminal or under arrest. I'm going to stay, too." Susan turned and walked into Talia's room.

Michael stood and watched her for a while, then stepped out of MedLab talking on his link.

Susan leaned against the wall as she watched Talia. Franklin had finished his examinations and left Talia to sleep. She looks so peaceful. So unlike that thing that she became. Susan rubbed her sternum, feeling the ache deep in her chest as she thought about the hateful words and acid tone Control had used when Susan had visited her. I don't think I can take it if this is not really her. Or if the feelings Talia had really were Control's and not her own.

After almost falling asleep on her feet a couple of times, Susan briefly considered climbing into bed with Talia. No, that's not a good idea. That would be all over the station before I even drifted off. Instead, she pulled a chair into the room from outside, ignoring the protests of one of the lab techs. She sat by the head of the bed and tried to relax. Laying her head next to Talia's pillow, she reached out and took Talia's hand and closed her eyes.

Stephen glanced in the monitor at them and winced. Susan's going to have a heck of a backache if she sleeps like that for very long. I'm not going to wake her up, though. He made a mental note to remind his staff of patient confidentiality - they were finally working well together, and he didn't want Susan to space one of them for starting rumors. Plus, Garibaldi doesn't need to know about this. At least not until I collect on that bet we made last year. He smiled and turned back to his work.

Chapter Text

A few hours later, Susan woke. Eyes closed, she tried to remember where she was, what she was doing, and why her back hurt so much. Slowly the events of the early morning came back to her. Wonder what time it is? I think I need to get up and stretch. She lifted her head and opened her eyes to find herself staring into Talia Winters' blue-grey eyes only a few inches away. She froze.

"Hello," said Talia with a smile, eyes twinkling. She was laying on her side with her head propped up on her hand.

"H-How long have you been awake?" Susan stammered.

"Just a few minutes. I was staring at the lights trying to figure out where I was and how I got here, but someone was snoring in my ear."

"I do not snore. At least not until I've had way too much vodka."

Talia laughed and smiled broadly. Susan's heart lurched as a wave of affection swept over her. I forgot how beautiful she is.

"Let me get Dr. Franklin to see how you are doing, and what we can do to get you out of here." Susan got up and started to the door.

Talia grabbed her hand tightly. "Susan, don't leave me alone! Please! I'm...I'm a little scared to be alone right now."

Susan squeezed her hand. "I'm just going to step outside the door for a second and call Stephen, then I'll be right back in." She opened the door to find Lou Welch standing outside. "Lou, will you tell Dr. Franklin that his patient is awake?"

"Will do, Commander."

Franklin entered a few moments later. "So, you're awake, good. How do you feel?"

"I feel...off. I'm not sure how to describe it," answered Talia. "I'm also hungry."

"That's not surprising. You've lost a lot of weight."

"Really? What happened?"

"We were hoping you could tell us," answered Susan. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Talia paused, looking downward as she thought. "I remember walking into Captain Sheridan's office and seeing Lyta Alexander." She paused again. "Then it's blur - I see flashes of images but I can't hold on to any of them long enough to identify them. I remember waking up and seeing you, Susan, for just a moment and then falling back asleep. I feel like there's more, though."

Stephen glanced at Susan. "Sounds like you may have some mild memory loss. Do you know where you are?"

"I'm assuming Babylon 5, but I don't remember how I got from Sheridan's office to MedLab."

"Hmmm. What date is it?" asked Franklin.

"The last date I remember for sure is November 23 or 24. Is it Monday the 26th yet? I have an appointment I need to reschedule."

Franklin and Ivanova exchanged glances.

"Talia," Susan said gently. "Talia, it's April 29, 2260. You've been gone more than five months."

"What? No!" exclaimed Talia. "It can't have been that long! Where have I been?" She stood, swaying, and tried to walk. Susan grabbed her and guided her back to the bed as she started to collapse. "Why am I so weak and dizzy?"

"Well, the dizziness may be because you were dehydrated and stood up a little too fast. That should pass quickly," said Franklin. "The weakness...well, it appears you haven't moved much recently and you've lost a lot of muscle."

"I think you've been through a lot," Susan continued. "If Dr. Franklin agrees, I'd like to get you out of here and take you someplace more comfortable and private. Then I can tell you what we know."

Franklin nodded. "Just try not to get too upset, and try to rest. You have some vitamin deficiencies and mild anemia, so I'll give you a food plan..."

"He means a diet," Susan interjected.

"A food plan that will help you recover quickly," continued Franklin, with a dirty look at Ivanova.

Seeing how Talia was struggling to stand, Franklin insisted on a wheelchair to get her to Susan's quarters. "It's too far to walk in your condition. I want you to conserve energy and not wear yourself out. After you've rested for a couple of days and started eating well, come back and we'll work up an exercise plan to go with the food plan."

"See? Diet and exercise. He's a sadist," smirked Susan.

Talia snickered as Franklin rolled his eyes. She sat in the wheelchair and Susan pushed her out of MedLab, followed closely by Lou Welch.

As Susan maneuvered her down the hall, Talia started to shiver. She wrapped her arms around herself.

"Are you ok?" asked Susan.

"Just a little cold, I think."

Susan took off her uniform jacket and tucked it around Talia. "Here you go. I'm sorry I didn't think to get you a blanket before we left."

After a short ride in a lift and a few more moments traveling down the hall, Susan pushed Talia's chair into her quarters. She helped Talia out of the chair and onto the couch, covering her with a blanket.

"Susan, will you sit with me? I'm still cold, and I really want the company."

"Sure, sweetheart. As long as you want." Susan sat next to Talia, pulling her into her arms and holding her tightly under the blanket. "How's that?"

"That's good." Talia gave Susan a broad smile and lowered her head onto Susan's neck. "You're really warm."

"It's all that good Russian vodka - acts like antifreeze when the temperature goes down," responded Susan. Talia laughed and burrowed even closer. Her breathing started to even out, and soon she drifted off to sleep. Susan smiled and kissed her hair gently. She carefully set her link and the comm unit to silent.

After an hour, Talia started to stir. She yawned and stretched a little, then kissed Susan's cheek. "Thanks for warming me up and letting me sleep. I hope I'm not keeping you from anything."

"Nothing important," said Susan. "Or at least, nothing as important as you."

Talia smiled broadly again. "I like that." She stretched again. "Are you hungry?"

"No," answered Susan. The truthfulness of her answer was immediately disputed by a loud growl from her stomach. She looked down. "Traitor!"

"When did you last eat?" asked Talia with a smile.

"I had some hors d'oeuvres last night at a reception."

"That doesn't count and you know it, Susan."

"I think I had a sandwich at lunch yesterday. Or maybe that was the day before." Her stomach growled loudly again. "How about I call the mess hall and get them to deliver. Maybe they have some soup."

A few minutes later, they were eating in comfortable silence. Franklin had ordered for both of them - chicken noodle with vegetables and a small fruit plate for Talia, a thicker beef stew and spinach salad for Susan. They ate in comfortable silence, holding hands and smiling at each other between bites.

When they finished, they returned to the couch and covered up again.  Susan put on some soft music.  She began to tell Talia what she knew of Control and how she had left and returned to Babylon 5.  By the time she finished, both women were crying. 

"How could they do that to me, Susan?  They were my family, all I knew!" choked out Talia between sobs.  

"I don't know, Talia, I don't know."  Even I know better than to say 'I told you so' right now. "But I do know I won't let them take you again."

Talia buried her face in Susan's neck.  Slowly, her sobs slowed.  When she looked up, Susan wiped the tears away from her face and kissed her forehead.  "Feeling a little better?"  Talia nodded.  "Good.  Just rest for now."

"I'm not sure I want to rest exactly," Talia responded.  She nuzzled Susan's neck, trailing kisses up to her jaw and on to her lips.  She opened her mouth and ran the tip of her tongue along Susan's bottom lip.

Susan broke the kiss and pulled back a bit. When Talia started to follow, Susan placed a finger on Talia's lips. "Shh. Wait, sweetheart. I don't want to rush things." The hurt look on Talia's face nearly broke her heart.

"I don't understand. Don't you want this? Don't you want me?"

Susan jumped up from the couch and started to pace. "Talia, I thought you were dead. It's been five months for me, even if it only seems like a few days to you. I've spent the whole time trying to get you out of my head. I haven't slept through the night since you left. I've tried everything but dipping my heart in liquid nitrogen to dull the pain. At least frozen, it wouldn't hurt."

She stopped pacing and faced the wall. "I can't...I don’t want to go back to where we were before - the flirting, the getting close and shying away, I can't live like that anymore." Susan continued in a whisper. "I also can't just jump back in where we left off, the last night you were here."

"I understand," said Talia, quietly as she stood and walked unsteadily towards the door. "I'll find somewhere else to stay for now. I don't want to cause you any more pain."

Susan’s heart began to break.

"Talia, no! Don't leave me alone!" The near-shout from behind her echoed in Talia's ears.

At the anguished sound, Talia turned in time to see the proud Russian Commander crumple to her knees. Arms reaching out for Talia, and her cool, professional mask gone, tears ran down Susan's cheeks. The look on her face was one of absolute despair. Talia crossed the distance between them and knelt to embrace her. Susan's arms closed around Talia in a bone-crushing hug as she buried her face in Talia's neck. Both women were sobbing again, clinging to each other.

After a few minutes, the sobs faded to soft crying, then sniffles. Susan pressed her forehead against Talia's. "I don't think I've cried like that since I was little girl.” She sniffed. “God, I suck at this."

Talia gave a weepy giggle. "I don't know, I think you cry really well for being out of practice." She buried her face in Susan’s neck.

"That's...that's not what I meant!" hiccupped Susan. "I meant talking about how I feel. In a StarFury, I at least know which way to turn, when to fire. I have no idea how to have talks like these, and I obviously suck at it if you were ready to walk out!" She snorted. "I'm Russian - we either drink our feelings away or bury them!"

"I'm so sorry, Susan. I thought you were saying you didn't want me...us any longer."

Susan gently pulled back from Talia and cupped her cheek in her hand. "I know that's what it sounded like, but that's not what I meant. I should have warned you that there was more. I don't want to... No, let me back up and say it another way." Talia leaned into her palm for a few seconds before Susan dropped it.

"You probably noticed we aren't wearing Earthforce uniforms. Two weeks ago, President Clark ordered the bombing of civilian targets on Mars in retaliation for protests against his regime. We broke away from Earth at that time, until Clark was out of office and democracy was restored."

"After we broke away, it was a new beginning for us. Delenn, of course, had a ritual for that." She rolled her eyes. "A 'rebirth' ritual called Nafak'cha. We were supposed to give up something that meant a lot to us, and tell a secret we had never told anyone before. The command staff gave up their Earthforce uniforms. We didn't feel like we had the right to wear them anymore, at least not until we return Earth to the people." Susan looked directly into Talia's eyes. "I don't know what the others told Delenn, but I told her that I thought I loved you." She paused. "I lied."

The words hung in the air for a moment until Talia dropped her eyes. "I understand. We really didn’t have time..."

Susan gently raised Talia's chin until their eyes met again. "I lied to Delenn because I was still lying to myself. I didn't think I loved you, I knew I did. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. I think I pushed you away for so long because I knew I was falling in love, and I didn't want to get hurt. But you didn't give up - you were impossibly persistent, amazingly kind in the face of my general bitchiness, and you worked your way past my walls and into my heart. And I'm so glad you did.”

Talia smiled as Susan continued.

“I started to fall for you when I watched that bastard Bester and his bitch rummage through your head and saw how they hurt you. That helped me start to see you as a person, not just another Psi Corps drone. Then when we fought over what was best for Alisa Beldon, I saw how deep your compassion was and how much you cared, and I was lost."

Talia sighed. “Susan Ivanova. My Commander. I fell hard for you the minute I saw you and you brushed me off. I cried so many times that first year out of frustration, but I couldn’t give you up. Something wouldn’t let me.”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” whispered Susan. "Talia, I love you but I'm terrified I'm going to lose you again. I don't want to go back to where we started, but as much as I want to, I don't think we should just jump back into bed and pretend like nothing happened. I'm committed to you, but I need time to thaw my heart and you need time to get adjusted to being back. We also have to think about protecting you from the Corps."

"What are you suggesting, Susan?"

"I'm not completely sure. I think my - our - first priority should be to make sure you are well. Then we can concentrate on us." Susan looked into Talia's eyes. "We are in the middle of at least two wars here, but I want to spend as much time with you as I can. I want to take you to dinner, go dancing, shop with you in the Zocalo, and have picnics in the Garden. I want us to be sure."

"I am sure, Susan, but I do understand. It sounds like my stern Russian Commander is a closet romantic who wants an old-fashioned courting." She leaned forward and placed kiss on the tip of Susan's nose.

Susan blushed. "I'm not that old-fashioned. I don't think we need a yenta or a chaperone." She kissed Talia gently. Even that contact was enough to make her toes curl. “Wow.”

“Mmmm. Yes, wow.” Talia smiled. "OK. I may need reassuring as we go, but OK. The kisses help." She laid her head against Susan's chest and yawned. "I'm about ready for bed.  Between what I've been through and all the emotional stress today, I'm exhausted."

"Me, too, Talia. I don't mean to sound hypocritical, but will you stay with me tonight? Just to sleep? I think I need the reassurance. I promise I don't have designs on your body - yet." Susan grinned slyly.

Talia's eyes twinkled. "Too bad. Do you have anything I can wear? I'd rather not sleep in Minbari robes if I don't have to, and I've had enough of hospital gowns for a lifetime."

"You left one of your nightgowns here along with some other things," said Susan. "It may be a bit tear-stained. I slept with it for weeks after you left, and cried myself to sleep every night."

Talia held Susan close. "I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere,” she murmured in Susan’s ear. “We'll figure this out."

Later, Susan and Talia lay spooned together in Susan's bed. Talia was warm against Susan's front as Susan held her waist. Her hair already seemed brighter than it did early this morning. Her clean scent with a hint of vanilla, sandalwood, and something uniquely Talia filled Susan's nose as she drifted off to sleep.

The hour of the wolf came and went with no scratching at the door. For the first time in five months, Commander Susan Ivanova slept through the night.