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Hutao’s smile faltered as another person bristled at the sight of her.
It wasn’t a big deal. Hutao was used to that already, it had been that way ever since she started the new business plan. Or even before. Yeah, it had been longer than that. Hutao didn’t like it, but she knew her award-winning personality was to blame. Usually, though, she just pressed further, never letting her heart give up!
Usually it was like that.
“Good afternoon, Ying’er!” Hutao greeted and saw the woman sigh. She tried to ignore her heart clenching inside her chest. “I brought you those coupons we had talked about! What do you think of-”
“Don’t you ever give up?” Ying’er asked, voice hesitant, but terse. And Hutao could clearly see her struggling to not sound rude. Ying’er was a very elegant and kind woman, even if she came off a bit weird sometimes. She abhorred Hutao’s business though - just like most of Liyue’s residents - and lately, her attempts at brushing Hutao off had become more and more curt.
Hutao wondered when she would finally snap.
“No!” Giggling, Hutao continued, “Come on, we never know when our big day will come! I’m certain that a woman such as yourself, so prepared and-”
“I don’t want to be prepared for my death .”
Ah, there it is , Hutao thought, mind already on the way of zoning out as the words she had been expecting came.
Yeah, she was used to it and she honestly didn’t care most of the time. Because this was for the sake of the Parlor, and that business was everything to her. It was everything she had.
All her life had been spent dealing and learning about the matters of the afterlife, trying to understand the bittersweet taste of a loved one’s existence being transferred somewhere else… somewhere she could not touch, somewhere that made her miss them, somewhere far, but… better. Coping with departure and getting to see that, however excruciating it was, was a task impossible to run away from.
All of it, the painful happiness and the sad smiles, were inherent to Hutao’s life. It had been long years of learning and accepting, and it was all she had ever known.
Hutao understood its importance more than anyone too. And she could see where people came from when they recoiled from her great offers , might she say, but it was slowly starting to weigh on her. Their words were slowly getting harsher, angrier, and Hutao didn’t like that.
She liked smiles! And poetry! And flowers!
“...So, please , just go away!”
Hutao flinched at the slammed door.
And she allowed for her smile to disappear.
She looked at the sky, the Sun was high up her head, and she sighed. It was too early to go back to the Parlor. Zhongli was probably there and, sure, he was an interesting guy, the ever-knowing history encyclopedia that made Hutao want to poke and press to get a rise of, but he didn’t like her either. She knew that and, well, she didn’t want to deal with that. Not this day.
Whatever, I don’t feel like going back to work anyway, Hutao bit the inner side of cheek, knowing she had to leave. Where to, though? Maybe I could break some rules and just hang out with the spirits-
“Ouch!”
“Sorry, miss!”
Hutao rubbed her arm as she saw Little Lulu running towards the harbor with two other boys. They were giggling and lightly shoving at each other, tiny arms flailing around. Changchang ran past her, reaching the group and they all disappeared out of her sight. They looked so happy.
I don’t want to be alone.
Hutao shook her head and slapped both hands on her cheeks. “Get a grip, Hutao!”
“Are you okay?”
Hutao turned on her heels, surprised with both the question and the voice. Eyes catching on the slender form of a navy-haired boy, she smiled, though it might’ve been less bright than usual as Xingqiu quirked an eyebrow. “If it isn’t the brilliant Master Xingqiu! What brings you here? I thought you were on a haunted date with your little exorcist,” she jabbed, going for her usual teasing voice.
It worked a bit.
“Please, refrain from calling Chongyun that,” he pouted, but there was no bite in his voice.
“Which part? Little exorcist or… yours?” She giggled as pink dusted his cheeks.
“I can see that you are very well. Shouldn’t have had the trouble to ask.”
“Don’t be like that! Come on, Xingqiu,” she grabbed his fluffy sleeve and tugged on it. “I’m sorry. You know I don’t mean any harm.”
Eyebrow quirking again, Xingqiu said, “well… I do know that. Though I’m not yet certain why you are apologizing. It’s not like you.”
I just don’t want to anger the only one who doesn’t hate me. At least I think you don’t.
“Ack, you wound me!” Hutao said, trying her best pompous tone. “Master Xingqiu, are you implying I don’t own up to my faults?”
“Hutao.”
His tone gave her pause and her hands slipped from the boy’s expensive clothing.
“Are you really okay?”
“Of course!” Hutao cringed at how fast she said it and chuckled, trying to cover how awkward it was. “Say, Master Xingqiu, since you’re not with Chongyun, how about we go grab a bite? Or we can just hang around the harbor? Oh, that’s probably too noisy. We could head to the mountains and read a bit! We don’t even have to talk if you don’t want…”
Under his scrutinizing gaze, her voice trailed off.
“Alright, alright. Maybe I’m not a hundred percent today. But it’s nothing! I’m fine, just…”
“Just?”
Hutao shrugged. How could she put it into words? Especially before the person who is the best with them. She didn’t want to come off as whiny. Those thoughts were only acceptable in her head, to verbalize them would be… won’t it be bothersome? Scoffing, she shook her head lightly, turning her face away from worried eyes.
Someone looking like that at Hutao? Yeah, that didn’t feel right.
“Nevermind! I don’t even know it myself. You know how I just don’t give things a lot of thought! Silly me-”
“Well, that is not true.”
“Wait, what?”
“I said that is not true, Hutao. You are one of the most observant people I know,” Xingqiu crossed his arms in front of his chest and Hutao could see the remains of dark nail polish on his pinky. Her eyes widened, mind recalling the night a week before, when she helped him get Chongyun drunk on chillies, and as a payment, he had let her paint his nails. Xingqiu was supposed to remove it right after though, for some of it to be still on his nails… “Hutao, are you listening to me?”
“Ah? Sorry, I was, um… your nail.”
“My nail? What about it?” He looked down, “oh! You mean the polish? Yes, I believe this looks weird now. It’s a shame, but it’s almost all faded. I should take it off soon.”
“I thought you had removed it that night.”
“Why would I?” Xingqiu stretched his arms before him, smiling a bit, “I liked the way it looked. I wasn’t so fond of the idea when you brought it up, but the next morning I just couldn’t help but stare at them. I had never really painted my nails, so I didn’t know it’d look this… well, pretty. Besides,” he cleaned his throat, “Chongyun said they suited me. So… why are you looking at me like that?”
Picking her chin off the floor, Hutao said, “no, no, it’s just… I thought you’d take it off right away.”
There was a beat of silence and Hutao definitely didn’t like whatever had dawned on Xingqiu at that moment.
“ Oh. ”
Awkwardly chuckling, Hutao asked, “what?”
“Hutao, I liked what you did. If I hadn’t liked it, I wouldn’t have let you do it.”
“Um, yeah, yeah! Sure. I know that. Master Xingqiu is not a pushover, obviously! Unless it’s about Chongyun,” she sang, but the teasing fell flat. Of course, it would. Xingqiu could already see what was going on with her. Damn bookworm and his perceptive eyes.
He sighed. “I can’t tell what’s going on inside your head, Hutao, but we’ve been friends for a while, haven’t we? You don’t need to doubt yourself so much with me.”
Friends? And just like that, like a hammer hitting on her coffin’s nail, Hutao’s eyes welled up. Tipping her hat forward, she softly sniffed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“If you’re not ready to talk about it, then I won’t pry. But I am sincere in my words. You come off… a bit stronger than others and, yes, most of the citizens here aren’t so fond of you, but…” Hutao flinched and his voice became a tad softer, “ however , I know you better than them. Chongyun also knows you better than them. Even though he acts like he hates you, you’re starting to grow on him,” Xingqiu chuckled, “maybe next time you can paint both of our nails. Do you have a lighter blue of polish?”
“Wait, for real?” Hutao asked, blinking her tears away as she stared at Xingqiu in awe.
“Yes, for real ,” he mimicked her tone and drew out a giggle. Xingqiu’s growing smile was so honest that Hutao felt her breath being knocked out of her. “We don’t hate you, Hutao, and we are here if you ever need us.”
Turning her eyes to the floor, Hutao quietly sighed. Her eyes were still burning, he called me his friend . She didn’t want to cry and she was trying her best not to, but it was kind of hard before those words.
“I’ll do matching flowers,” she said, voice a little too raspy, “on yours and Chongyun’s nails. It’ll look very cute.”
“Yes, I do believe it will.”
Lifting her head again, she could give him a better smile. Not her usual one, no. It was a thankful smile, one of those that doesn’t require words to convey the deep message behind it. Maybe one day Hutao would be ready to put what she felt into words, she would be able to express those gnawing feelings without feeling like a whiny baby, without feeling like a nuisance. And… if that day comes, she knows… that she has someone to talk to.
“So, were you serious about hanging out?” Xingqiu asked. “Chongyun set off this morning to Dragonspine and begged me to not go with him. Said he wanted to have some alone time among the ice… or something along those lines. Anyway, I need to kill some time before I do go after him.”
Giggling into her hand, Hutao said, “you are such a worrywart. Hasn’t he been to Dragonspine many times before?”
“Yes, but the last time he was bedridden with a fever,” Xingqiu huffed, “I’d like to avoid that.”
“Alright, alright, love bird! Oh! Maybe we could go together? It’s not like your vision is of much use there.”
“Hey!”
And Hutao laughed until her sides hurt. They sat by a tree and shared a book for about an hour before heading off to the Snow Mountain.
And, somehow, Hutao felt as if the weather wasn’t as harsh as always.