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Violence? Yes!

Summary:

A gift-fic for AlluringBones over on Reddit. Mixed things up a bit with all the siblings getting involved, but I hope they enjoy it anyway!

Prompt:
Person A: Violence isn't the answer.
Person B: You’re right.
Person A: *sighs in relief*
Person B: Violence is the question.
Person A: What?
Person B, bolting away: And the answer is yes.
Person A, running after them: NO-

Work Text:

“Luther. Did. What now?” Five asks sharply.

Luther looks up from where he’s reading, at the sound of his name coming out of Five’s mouth, in that tone. They’d decided to move the family meetings to the library, which led them to spending more “quality” time together after those meetings, doing research and reading and talking quietly together.

It also led to things being brought up that had been forgotten about, as they work through their collective trauma, together. Sometimes it was little things: Klaus breaking a favorite toy and lying about it, Ben stealing all the good books, Allison snubbing them and their plans in order to “talk” to modeling agents. Sometimes it was bigger things: Diego throwing knives at them under their fathers orders, Five popping them to random places and leaving them to fend for themselves as they were forced to find their way home, also under their fathers orders. Sometimes, it was more recent things: Klaus’ PTSD, Vanya’s unrelenting trust issues, Allison’s worry about her daughter, Luther’s abandonment issues...

“Oh, he locked Vanya in her childhood nightmare-prison after choking her into unconsciousness, and almost crushed my windpipe before throwing me across the living room.” Klaus says unaware of, or more accurately: unconcerned with, the trouble he’s stirring up.

“No, really, it’s...not okay, but I’m okay” Vanya says, voice small and easily ignored in favor of Five’s righteous anger.

Five glares heatedly at Luther, their “leader” and Number One, waiting for him to deny it, but when he continues to sit there like a deer in the headlights, no explanation forthcoming, he growls and lunges at the man.

“You overgrown APE!” Five howls as Allison’s hand lands heavily on his shoulder, preventing him from getting any closer. Luther jumps up from his seat and hurries to the closest exit: the window, wrestling it open and shoving his feet out over the two story drop.

“Violence isn’t the answer, Five” Klaus says sagely, nodding like he’s never acted in anger before, or has at least learned from his mistakes, which-coming from Klaus has Ben cackling, unseen and unheard. Klaus fights back a smirk at the sound of his favorite (but dead) brothers mirth.

“You know, you’re right, Klaus.” Five agrees in a perfectly calm voice, all the rage from a moment ago gone as if it was never there. Everyone pauses in surprise.

After another period of continued stillness, Allison let’s out a sigh of relief, allowing her hand fall from its place on his shoulder. Luther stops trying to squeeze his massive frame out of the window, eying his psychotic little-but-older brother with wariness.

“You’re right that violence isn’t the answer.” Five continues, the picture of cool and collected, “Violence is the question,”

Luther gets a bad feeling and goes back to making his escape, successfully taking the drop without injury.

The other siblings’ confusion is audible.

“And the ANSWER IS YES!” Five yells, popping across the room to see which direction his freakishly large brother has run off in.

“Five! No!”

He vanishes in a burst of blue light.

Diego, laughing, makes his way to the window to watch as Luther and Five run off. They bob and weave their way off to the horizon, looking like they’re in a cartoon. Five disappears and reappears at random as Luther runs for his life with his arms protecting his head.