Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Seongmin would like to believe it started almost a decade ago, a warm hand against his cold and shivering one, under a lopsided and lanky fort made with blankets tied on the corners of his room, with the warm light of his lamp shade slightly touching their skins, varnishing them in light orange. 

He would like to believe everything started back then, 26th of January, just a night before Taeyoung’s 7th birthday as he ran to Seongmin’s house, only a house away from theirs, crying with his face in his hands. The taller would always go there, twenty-three steps away from his own house to be precise. He counts, twenty… Twenty one…. Twenty two…

Twenty three. A comfort that his young heart needs is there. A house away from his, twenty three steps to be precise. A house smaller than his, but he much prefers to be at.

“Your father got mad at you again?” the smaller asks, pointer finger playfully stroking shapes and random words on the back of the taller’s hand, the other hand keeping its hold on the other. He looks at him, puffy deep doe eyes avoiding his stare as he looks at the moon just by the slightly opened window. Taeyoung nods, as more fat tears fall from his eyes, staining his white shirt in the process. 

“I understand that he is tired from work but don’t you think it’s unfair that I’m the one who takes it all?” he mumbles, asks with his dreadfully pitiful voice, looking at Seongmin’s gentle black eyes. By their very young age, both could be considered as mature. They know the right words to say, know the right things to do and maybe that’s why the poor kid crying could not bring himself to say what he feels to his parents. He sure does think it’s unfair, but at the end of the day, he has company and a source of comfort just a house away from his.

He rubs his eyes too hard until it hurts. Seongmin quickly slaps his hand away. He holds it still, locking his cold hands with Taeyoung’s moist ones. “Your poor eyes, don’t do that to them.” he chuckles, earning a pout from the taller as he looks down on their hands, squeezing the hands in his.

Seongmin lifts both of their hands as he keeps a hold of the taller’s, the back of his hand touching Taeyoung’s tear-stained cheeks until the wetness has gradually transferred on him instead.

He sniffs as he looks at Seongmin, a pout on his mouth evident. Seongmin quietly laughs, a gummy bright smile seen on his face at Taeyoung’s puffy red eyes. He swings both of their arms, crashing both of their fists in between them. They just stare at each other until an idea has come knocking at the door of Seongmin’s brain after thinking of a solution to his best friend's sadness.

He lets go of both of the other’s hands as he reaches over his desk, slightly standing up to reach the box of crayons and a piece of slightly crumpled paper just above it. Taeyoung has his eyes on Seongmin’s every movement, the latter drawing seven small boxes vertically, handing the paper and crayon to Taeyoung afterwards.

“There, since it’s your birthday tomorrow, I will grant you seven wishes.” He declares. Taeyoung looked at him with his confused face which eventually had grown into a happy one, eyes twinkling into crescents, cheeky smile present, deep dimples seeping through his plump cheeks. 

“Seven wishes? Can you all grant them?” he questions, deep doe eyes hoping. Seongmin nods as he points at the paper.

“Write those there and we’ll both sign it like an agreement that we will do this every year! Seven wishes for our 7th birthdays, eight wishes for our 8th birthdays and even one hundred-one wishes on our 101st birthdays!” The smaller exclaims, heart in his hands in glee.

Taeyoung claps in excitement as he writes his wishes. From having an ultimate chocolate cake for his birthday tomorrow up to Seongmin gets to eat Taeyoung’s share of vegetables in their school’s lunch for a year, he jots down his seven wishes, tongue peeking out of his lips in concentration.

“Buy you a rose, eat two tubs of ice cream tomorrow, adopt a pomeranian and name it Poong…. You want to sleep over here for the night?” Seongmin asks after peeking and going through Taeyoung’s list.

A nod was done in response as Taeyoung looked back at the paper on his 5th wish. “I don’t want to go back there. I’m afraid i’ll get scolded again for no reason.” He says, rubbing his eyes once again but it came with a yawn on his small mouth.

Seongmin nods in acceptance as he stands up, “i’ll go tell mom you are staying here so she can inform your mom, is that okay?” he asks, his rather pale complexion painted by a much brighter shade of orange as he stood just in front of the lamp.

Taeyoung smiles in bliss as he quickly nods.

Right there, they carelessly spread Seongmin’s spare blankets on the floor below the fort they made as they lie down on it, furthermore wrinkling the pieces of fabric. They shared a single pillow as their proximity is close, breath against each other’s faces.

They hold hands just like any other circumstance before. They intertwine their fingers as they play a useless game of thumb wrestling which neither of them paid attention to. Taeyoung has the lower part of his leg over Seongmin’s rather short ones, slightly shaking it to somehow make him, maybe the both of them not fall asleep.

“Minnie...” The taller whispers as a pair of fluttering eyes greets him in response. Seongmin hums.

“Have you read my 7th wish?” 

“I have, why?” He answers and asks, the smell of peaches and blueberries clashing in the air around them. ‘Stick around together, forever.’

“Will you promise me that?” he asks, doe eyes staring at Seongmin’s gentle ones.

Seongmin lets one of his hands go as he puts up his pinky. “I promise. No one is leaving anyone behind. Stick around together, Forever.” Taeyoung smiles at that, ever so lovely. He brings his own pinky to interlock with Seongmin’s, sealing their promise.

“I promise that too.” He replies, with a rather soft and descending voice as he slowly drifts to dream land.

Seongmin really wants to believe everything started back then, one moonlit night under a sloppily made fort, hand in hand, breaths on each other’s cheeks. He believes it all started there, a crumpled piece of paper, blue words of wishes written, red swirls and made-up signs above the initials of their names.

He wants to believe what he’s feeling now started there, and not when he has already grown, almost 17 years old, one stressed and confused highschool student. They were kids when it all started, but everything has been dragged even until this day. Because of their strong bond since the very beginning of their lives, they are still both stuck with each other, side by side, the same doe-eyed and blueberry scented kid who had grown much taller with him after these years.

It was ever a given fact that anything can change by time, especially after 10 years, a decade but all that has changed between them is that their relationship became stronger as they attained more understanding of each other. They both grew knowing each other’s likes and dislikes, strength and weaknesses which Taeyoung highly reckons he does not have the latter. Seongmin thinks the same thing although he does not say it.

People around them say they are each other’s chewing gums, always sticking together, never apart. 

And Seongmin wants to believe it is because of Taeyoung’s 7th wish on his 7th birthday, and not because of the funny feeling he doesn't want to dive in deeper within him.

`

Taeyoung dreamt of green vast fields, grand and deep oceans, rustling sounds of the trees, monochromatic colors of orange and red painting the sky, all at the same time. Different sounds ringing in his ears, different sceneries his lone two eyes could barely handle. Everything happening simultaneously was therapeutic as he remembers bits and pieces of his almost fading dream although at the same time, it was chaotic.

Yet at the same time, it was both and neither.

No one understands him. He thinks that if he tells his dreams to anyone else, a laugh or a teasing will be in exchange. He treats his dreams as something more than just a mere dream, mayhaps it’s something more. Mayhaps it holds more meaning than just some other person can see.

Only Seongmin does, because he listens. And so he tells him about his peculiar dream, just like before.

“I dreamt of something last night.” He says, almost whispering as he looks above them, glow in the dark stars and moons stuck on the underside of the fort’s blanket, attempting to fall down any minute.

“Was I with you?” Seongmin asks after a hum, fingers tracing the taller’s evident veins on his hands, rough ones against his smooth skin.

Taeyoung shakes his head, “I had all the stars in my arms, literally. I was in space, floating and collecting all the stars I came across.” He conveys, glimmering doe eyes against the warm light of the lamp.

“Did it feel heavy?” Seongmin queries as he looks at Taeyoung. The latter nods.

“I think I know why it felt heavy.” He looks at Seongmin as he cheekily smiles, doe eyes forming into crescents.

“Maybe because you weren’t there, you know?” He claims, eyes filled with sincerity.

Together, forever.

Seongmin slowly nods, lips pouting in thought. “It’s not my fault that I was not there.”

“Neither it is mine, We can’t control our dreams.” Taeyoung states, silence taking over between them for a good minute.

The taller grabs a hold of the shorter’s fingers tracing the back of his hand, further locking his rough yet thin ones with the latter’s fair and soft ones afterwards. Seongmin looks at him, gentle eyes full of warmth and comfort. The ambiance of the room enclosed with four pink walls is ever so warm and comfortable. 

“ Together forever , right?” The owner of blueberry scented hair asks, heart in his throat, eyes on the smaller. 

“Yeah, together forever. ” The peach scented one playfully sneers, yet declares, cold hand against his warm one, holding him closely and gently.

They are Seventeen, and nothing has changed between them.

`

Cafeteria. Utensils clinking. Students talking. Shoulders brushing. 

Even in times like this, Taeyoung and Seongmin are still together, sitting side by side on what's supposed to only be a table for one. They are both eating in peace, no one talking, the taller’s vegetables separated as he gives it to the smaller, the latter letting him do so.

One of Taeyoung’s wishes back on his 7th birthday has still been stretched out until this day. It was only supposed to be only for a year but Seongmin would just let his best friend be, as he eats Taeyoung’s share of vegetables in their school lunch for a decade now. Although he also hated vegetables, he grew to at least tolerate it for the fact that he’d be the one among them who would do so.

Taeyoung grins when Seongmin playfully narrows his eyes on him, cheekbones golden by the sunlight.

“Ah by the way, your birthday is next month, Seongminnie.” Taeyoung says, his mouth semi-full of rice.

Seongmin momentarily pauses, partly because he had forgotten about it. Time is not real, he reckons in him. He nods, as he picks up a side dish from his plate.

“Think of your wishes now. Seventeen,” Taeyoung halts. “Wow… that’s a lot.” He says as he stretches his neck sideways.

“You don’t have a say in that since I did all of your wishes too last January. Don’t forget about how I supplied your water supply for a whole month every after your basketball practice.” The smaller retorts, gentle eyes rolling in the process. Taeyoung just chuckles.

“You really have to think about your wishes wisely, since you’re indecisive as hell.” He jokes, earning a slap on his shoulder. A clinking sound was heard but luckily, no one besides them heard it. Taeyoung clicks his tongue.

“You’re still so clumsy, Minnie. Your poor chopsticks have fallen down and no one was able to catch them .” He fakes a cry, acting ever so hurt as if he had empathized with those metallic utensils.

“Well, then. I’m using my first wish here. Get me a new pair of chopsticks.” Seongmin says in a smug tone, expecting Taeyoung to be sulky yet he just nods, agreeing with him.

“Yeah sure, that’s not a difficult thing to do, is it?” He stands up, doe eyes on the gentle ones, the scent of blueberries momentarily brushing by Seongmin’s nose.

Clink.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“Oh my God I’m so sorry.”

The pair of gentle eyes were replaced with big, round ones . The fair and soft face was replaced with a doll-like one . The scent of peaches were replaced with honey .

Taeyoung stares, for a good while. He stares, just looking at those ever attractive eyes, like a black hole, pulling him in. He eventually snaps out of it, picking up the different pair of chopsticks right before his worn out sneakers.

“Ah, thank you.” the doll-faced student says.

“These are dirty already though, should I get you a new pair?” Taeyoung asks in a positive tone, although he didn’t need to hear an answer as he’s already fixated on doing it.

“Oh no, that’s okay, I can just get it myself.” He responds, a honey-dripping voice echoing in Taeyoung’s ears. 

“Okay, i’ll get one for you. Be right back.” Taeyoung grins, as if the boy’s words just came in and out of his ears.

Seongmin looks, stares as he shakes his head in disbelief. The doll-looking boy looks back at him with a confused look.

“Don’t worry, he’s also getting a pair for me too. He might as well just get ones for you too.” Seongmin conveys, the other nodding slowly as he lets it all in.

A few seconds after, Taeyoung returns with what Seongmin has counted from where he is, 5 pairs of chopsticks. He might have dashed so quickly that he did not realize he had gotten that many.

The pair of big eyes before them turned into half moons, as he let out a small laugh with Taeyoung’s actions. The doe eyes turned into crescents, as he rubs the back of his neck in embarrassment.

Seongmin looks, stares at the scene unfolding before him. He had never seen those ever beautiful and enchanting doe eyes turn into crescents with a different reason except him. He finds it amusing, yet weird… and funny.

His eyes shifted to the other boy who accepted the pair of chopsticks from Taeyoung, hands briefly making contact with the rough, cold and familiar pair of hands Seongmin already knows by heart. Seongmin looks back to Taeyoung. A tender smile - a painstakingly familiar one.

It shouldn’t feel funny.

They are still Seventeen, yet things are already starting to go a bit different.

`

Years back, when the world was still good to them, everything tolerable, the young lads would be enclosed with four white walls that were ever too familiar to them, under the disheveled fort almost breaking loose from the ribbon tying it, a faint light from the lamp plus a bright one from the screen of Seongmin’s laptop.

They are watching Titanic, what Seongmin proclaims is the best movie he has ever seen, probably even the only one he has watched. They have watched it countless times. Taeyoung, of course, found it cringey and strange especially when Seongmin would insist to watch the same 2-hour piece every night but just like any of each other’s likings and hobbies, he had adopted it. 

A muffled sob was heard and Taeyoung looks at his side, the smaller has red, puffy eyes and nose as he wipes his plump cheeks with their shared blanket, staining it with his tears. Taeyoung chuckles quietly as he stares at him.

No matter how many times they have watched this, Seongmin still cries just like the first time they have. Taeyoung found it funny at first and would constantly tease the smaller for being a cry-baby but as the nights have passed, he finds it rather amusing. There is something rather amusing than funny to see his friend like a sobbing mess.

“It’s unfair.” Seongmin mumbles, a crack on his voice midway interrupting his short words.

“What is?” Taeyoung queries, doe eyes with long, fluttering eyelashes looking at the other.

“This movie.”

“Then, why are we still watching this?” 

“Because it makes me feel things that I don't understand, you know?” Seongmin answers, gentle eyes looking back at the other, skin on skin, arms brushing each other.

Taeyoung nods. Doesn’t say anything else. Eyes still on him.

“Don’t you think they would have survived if Jack stayed with Rose? There was enough space left. I think they would have fitted perfectly there and survived together.” He says, eyes twinkling because of the light the temporarily forgotten movie offered. 

“I don’t think so. They would have sunk together if that was the case.” Taeyoung replies, eyes sincere, gaze flickering.

“I’m scared.” Seongmin mumbles with his shaking voice, almost too inaudible.

“Of what?” Yet Taeyoung hears it. He has been listening ever since.

“Of falling in love. ”

“Why is that?” The taller asks as he briefly shifts from his position to have a good look on the other. Their arms are pressed together, an air around them so alive. A comforting thing they both know so much.

“They both loved each other so much yet the ending turned out to be sad. I’m scared when we grow up. Should i just not marry?” Taeyoung chuckles, almost a bit too loud that Seongmin throws him a look.

“Sooner or later, it will happen. It’s our fate. My mom said everyone is born to be with someone.” He answers, voice so gentle.

“I don’t care. You’re enough for me.” The smaller set forths. Voice is stern.

“Same here. I’d still like you more than whoever my significant other is or will be. You will still be my number one priority until then.” Taeyoung says, opening his hand, palm facing north.

Seongmin smiles as he places his hand on it, the cold clashing with warm, fingers locked with each other.

“ I like you , Seongminnie.” He says in glee with sincerity, a blinding smile.

“ I like you too , Taeyoungie.” Loud and allusive eyes, a gummy smile.

Because they were eleven, and they still did not know the weight of their words.

`

Seongmin’s 2nd wish goes like this: One crisp day, A long walk after school, an old LP store and cold crashing with warmth. The last one is not particularly part of his wish, it was just the usual thing they do, holding hands as if their lives depended on it. Well, they do depend on each other more than they thought they would.

One crisp day. As if the sun is not blazing enough, they still are in close proximity, the sleeves of their slightly wet from sweat school uniforms are touching, almost no space in between them except when their steps become unsynced. At the most part, they don’t give each other space. A long walk after school.

An old LP store. The ambiance of this place that is ever so familiar to Seongmin is what his soul always seeks. He just likes the vibe of it, the woody smell coming from the several shelves storing the vinyl records. He likes it here, a very welcoming atmosphere, a much adequate vicinity.

“Seongminnie, I have a question.” Taeyoung asks, wiping the sweat dripping from his forehead just before entering the store, letting go of the smaller’s hand in the process.

He hums in response, letting him continue.

“Why do you like buying these? Couldn’t you just download songs on your phone? It’s much easier that way.” He inquired, as he watched Seongmin going through the shelves.

“Well, I like this better in the way that I have to exert effort to get what I like.” He answers almost too quickly as if he has those words encrypted in him. 

“Why?” 

“I just like the feeling of satisfaction when I get my hands on these. It’s much more meaningful than just merely downloading on your phone.” He utters, gentle eyes twinkling, letting out a small gasp from his mouth when he finally finds what he has been looking for.

Taeyoung nods, completely understanding Seongmin’s perspective although he does not know the feeling himself as he marches towards the smaller, bringing his figure back to where it usually has been — near him, near Seongmin.

Seongmin opens the one with no seal, the one that is meant to be a sample only for people to use exclusively here. He places the vinyl tape on the player, dusting it off a few times with his bare hands. Taeyoung reads the cover, a huge font of blue colored letters spelling The Police, over a fairly smaller font of red letters spelling Every Breath You Take. He looks back at the root of the peach scent, the latter putting on an old pair of functional headphones.

With his long and rough fingers, Taeyoung reaches for it, grabbing the ear cup near him as Seongmin slightly jumps, startled.

“Stay still.” He whispers, cold fingers just by his ear, yet a warm voice echoing in it. Taeyoung carefully turns the muff inside out, fortunately it was one of those types of headphones, the speaker exposing from the outside.

Taeyoung had to bend down for an ample amount of height to match the smaller, leaning his ear close to the ear cup, shoulder against shoulder, hand in hand once again. Seongmin could not help but to look at him, eyes on his side as he takes a peak, Taeyoung subtly has his lips formed into a straight line, his deep dimple peeking on his cheek.

And they stayed just like that. The whole duration of that song, they remained as it is. If it was anybody else on Taeyoung’s place, they would have already gotten up from his position as their legs would already feel sore on the first minute. If it was just any other person, they would have already felt the embarrassment creep on every corner of their face as people around them would give them weird looks. Embarrassing, it might be for others especially when there are literally spare headphones just in front of them, or that he can just wait for his turn after Seongmin is done with it.

But then, they are not like others. Heck, what are they? They are bestfriends. Childhood bestfriends who were just too close from the beginning and they never changed throughout the years. They are each other’s ride or die, each other’s tried-and-true. Together, forever.

Not a single moment is embarrassing or humiliating with each other. If there is something that is disgracing in the two of them, that is when they break apart. And no, that won’t ever happen.

They stepped out of the store, a few minutes after Seongmin fell in line to pay for his purchase. The scorching sun is out there to greet them again, both of their eyes squinting as they adjust to the sudden change of light. 

“Hey, Minnie..” He trails off, eyes avoiding who he was talking to for some reason.

“Yeah?” Yet Seongmin looks at him.

“I still have basketball practice in like 30 minutes. If it’s okay, can we take the bus instead of walking?” he asks, his voice even gradually getting softer.

“Oh my God, why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could’ve hurried up in there.” Seongmin says, guilt creeping in his system.

“It’s your wish… I don’t want to ruin it, you know?” He says in defense, not in a thwarting way, but in a way so genuine, Seongmin’s ears involuntarily repeating his words for a while.

“Still, you should have told me Taeyoungie. Who knows, I might have gotten too distracted in there and stayed for a whole hour.”

“That’s something you’d actually do.” Taeyoung says, doe eyes turning into crescent, a tender smile on his lips.

“Silly, let’s go then. You don’t want to be late, do you?”

After a few minutes of waiting for the bus, they have finally gotten on board. They chose seats on the back, shoulders squashed again. Seongmin plugs in his earphones, putting one of the buds in his ear and offering the other to Taeyoung which he gladly accepts.

They are listening to random music they both know yet not that much. It even took Taeyoung a few words to actually get the lyrics wrong, a soft giggle coming out of Seongmin’s mouth. 

Taeyoung lays his head on Seongmin’s shoulder, his back adjusting his height to perfectly fit on him. 

“I’m tired. Our team is recruiting new members and we really need to train them a lot since they are still inexperienced.” Taeyoung mumbles, his eyes closed shut, eyebrows arching. 

“Yeah? I know you can do it though.” Seongmin answers, comforts.

“Why?”

“Because you’re Taeyoung. There isn’t anything you can’t do.” He states, eyes looking at the window just by his side. He lets those words slip from his mouth. It's true. There really is anything he can't do.

“Hyeongjun is there too.”

“Hyeongjun?”

“The kid from the cafeteria.” Oh. Doll-faced. Big round eyes. Honey scent.

Seongmin remembers.

It stayed quiet just like that. The ride back to their school has always been this quiet. Just them sharing one space, bodies relaxed in a state of comfort. 

Seongmin squints when the sun from outside hits his eyes for a second, feeling the weight of the head on his shoulder slowly getting heavier.

It’s a blistering day, and Seongmin has never been ablaze.

`

If Seongmin was to describe Taeyoung in one word, it would be exuberant.

Exuberant in a way that he’s enthusiastic — ridiculously enthusiastic. He has been an optimistic, over-jolly kid ever since the beginning. He is unstoppable, a gregarious teenager, the literal ray of sunshine who brightens up your every gloomy day. A very easy-going person, he’s easy to read like a bedtime story from a kid’s story book. He is the life and soul of the party.

Even on the dullest of days, he smiles ever so endearingly, with his deep dimples poking out from his cheeks, doe eyes forming into crescents that shine so bright. Brighter than any other star there is, as if all the lights go out and the moon disappears, the world still shines just by his mere presence.

Scratch that, nothing about Taeyoung is mere. He is special. He is perfect. Everything about him is a form of art — a masterpiece waiting to be placed in a museum. A piece of art you could pay for just to stare at the whole day, the type of art you would never get sick of.

Although Seongmin has known him for the longest time, Everyday, he'd still discover something not new, but enchanting in him. And that fact therefore justifies the metaphor of him being a story book; every page you flip, is a new and exciting experience. That is just how Taeyoung lives, no limitations, no doubts, no regrets.

Seongmin is looking at Taeyoung from the seats in the basketball court. As what he had mentioned before, practice has been more rigorous as the team has recruited new members in them, putting the pressure on the shoulders of those who were members for an ample amount of time. Seongmin sits there, eyes following the only person he knows so much, running around, a bandana on his forehead, sweat dripping from it, doe eyes in full concentration. It was rather a rare sight to actually see Taeyoung in this state. Everyone knows him as the bubbly kid in class but Seongmin has been used to this side of him. When Taeyoung does something he loves and has passion for, he pours his everything on it, and Seongmin knows how his best friend loves basketball so much.

He sees Taeyoung pass the ball to his teammate and there, they matched eyes. For a split second, Taeyoung immediately recognized Seongmin even from afar. A fair complexion and gentle eyes he knows deep in him. He would recognize those even in the dark with little to no light at all. That’s how they grew up close. It’s as if they are each other’s halves. Two of which combined would be whole.

He momentarily waves his hand, doe eyes turning into those ever so recognizable crescents, his dimple penetrating his sharp face. Seongmin nods after waving back for a split second, not wanting to disturb his friend while he’s practicing. 

“Hey,” Seongmin hears a voice from his side. He looks at the owner of it, and he’s greeted by someone he knows from class. “Waiting for Taeyoung?” his classmate asks, taking the seat just two seats away from Seongmin. 

Seongmin nods, “Yeah, how about you, Minhee ?” He asks back, as he brings his eyes back to the court.

Kang Minhee. He has been his groupmate for a couple of times before. They’ve talked once or maybe twice but it’s not to the point that they feel awkward with each other. It’s just a-not-out-of-the-ordinary relationship everyone has with classmates.

“Same with you, i’m waiting for my friend Hyeongjun.”

Hyeongjun? That name repeats in Seongmin’s mind several times, much more than before, much more than on the bus with someone lying on his shoulder. He looks back at Minhee, eyebrows arched for a reason he does not know too.

“Oh, he’s from the other class, maybe that’s why you don’t know him.” Minhee says quickly when it dawned on him what Seongmin’s expression he thought it meant. Big round eyes, doll-like face, Honey scented. 

That’s what Seongmin knows. He knows him. 

“He’s a new member of the team, I believe?” he continues, eyes further trailing on the court. “Oh, look he’s with Taeyoung.”

Seongmin snaps his head towards what Minhee is looking at. He looks, he observes.

He sees how Taeyoung’s concentrating eyes turned into crescents, his doe eyes filled with bliss when he’s teaching Hyeongjun. Even from the far distance, he could hear the giggles coming out from his mouth whenever the doll-faced student made a few careless mistakes. The giggles which were once, had always been, music to Seongmin’s ears no matter how annoyingly excessive it was sometimes. It does still sound the same, just like when they were kids, just like every evening, under the fort, yet at the same time, it sounds different. Maybe it’s just the way Seongmin’s ears take it in him, it’s just the way Seongmin digests it.

Again, it should not feel funny inside. It should not burn.

He does not realize his fingers had already curled into a ball, his nails forcefully digging on his palm, marking it with concaves. It was as if his fingertips would melt right then and there with the strength he exerts on himself.

“Seongmin?” He hears, his hands retracting in a split second. He lays them on his lap, slowly yet he was shaking. His eyes had already left from the scene he was witnessing.

“Yeah?” he replies with a soft voice, a trembling one too as he looks back at Minhee with a forced smile. 

“Do you wanna.. go out or something? Like eat or you know… just get out of here?” He asks, almost as if he knows what Seongmin was thinking at that time. The smaller slowly nods, the tip of his fingers grazing his slacks. The feeling makes him nauseous. 

It burns, so he wants to get out.

It is a preceding night, an afternoon just before the sky would be painted by black with splashes of white. The sky is orange, red, purple with a slight hint of pink and he is headed back to the campus as he’s holding a cone of ice cream in his hands, with someone he isn’t used to be walking with.

There were no arms brushing against his shoulders. There was no cold against warm. There was no music coming from a bud on one side of his ear. There was no familiar scent of blueberries.

Instead, there is distance between them. Instead, there is only the air brushing on their palms. Instead, there is just the sound of mother nature ringing in their ears. Instead, there is a scent of strawberry mildly visiting his nose from time to time.

“Hey, Minhee..” He talks, breaking the deafening silence between them. The taller halts on his feets as he looks back at him, head slightly tilted to the side in curiosity.

“I don’t even know how to say this so I really know this would sound really confusing and weird but…” He hesitates for a while, dragging every second he can cease. He sighs, “Thank you for saving me there… or something. I don’t really know why I’m saying this but yeah… that is just how I feel.”

A smile crept on Minhee’s inquisitive face, a giggle coming out from his mouth. Seongmin stares, and listens. That is a giggle he is not familiar with, but it sounds pleasant in a way he slowly feels his angelic eyes dawn on him. It was not the very infamous doe ones, but it sure does feel differently calming.

“No worries, I just kinda felt it too.” He says, licking his small lips as his ice cream smudged on it.

“Yeah?” Seongmin asks.

“I know that feeling too.” He responds shortly after.

The night has come, and Seongmin feels rather light.

`

“I wanna go see the stars.” 

One sentence was what it took. One sentence for Taeyoung to go twenty-three steps from his house to Seongmin’s, it’s a lone, breezy night. When they were kids, it used to be twenty-three steps as he was relatively smaller compared to what he is right now. He has grown into a tall boy, yet things seem to have still remained. That includes the twenty-three steps, he does not feel right when he doesn’t go by it.

It is the ever so familiar front porch, a doorstep his feet are so used to standing at. He puts his hands in the pocket of his jacket, his feet alternating in tip-toeing and standing, before he knocks on the door.

“I’ll get it!” He hears from the inside. Taeyoung chuckles lightly looking down on his sneakers. He knows that voice even when it’s muffled.

The door opens.

“You know what? I didn’t actually expect you to take my wish into seriousness.” Seongmin immediately says once he laid his eyes on his bestfriend. He’s leaning on the frame of the door, his arms crossed as he looks in disbelief at Taeyoung.

“Well, you’re lucky.” Taeyoung replies, leaning on the door, their proximity is close.

“Yeah?” Seongmin teases.

“Yeah. You’re lucky because I am your bestfriend.” Taeyoung blurts out, eyes forming into crescent as he lets out a small laugh.

“You’re lucky too because I am your bestfriend.” Seongmin says as he straightens his posture before completely going out from the door of his household.

“So, where will we go to see the stars?” He continues, gentle eyes planted on doe ones.

“I know a place.”

“You’re kidding me.” 

“Oh I'm very serious, Seongminnie.” Taeyoung rather scoffs.

“We’re not even allowed to go in there .” Seongmin answers back, eyes in disbelief. All he hears is a chuckle from his acquaintance and right before he knew it, he was already pulled inside the building.

“Who said so?”

“Me?” 

They enter a spacious building Seongmin does not even know exactly what it is. The interior is in a minimalist design, a single color palette greeting his eyes. It is also filled with warm lights and grandiose chandeliers. He turns his head around and he sees luxurious sofas and seats of various types in theme, and it almost feels like he’s committing a crime to enter such a place.

“Allen hyung!” Taeyoung says out loud, as he waves his free hand towards someone at the receptionist. The man around his early twenties waves back with a contagious smile on his lips.

“Hey, Taeyoung! It’s been a while, yeah?” 

Everything unfolds too fast for Seongmin to register. His hand is being pulled by Taeyoung and they are both in front of the guy who just spoke. He gives him a slight bow when they meet eyes.

“Same place?” 

“You know me so well, hyung.” Taeyoung enthusiastically says as he lifts his hand up for a high five. Allen brings his hand on Taeyoung with an impact, the sound of their hands clashing on each other echoing throughout the large vicinity.

They exchanged a few small talks before finally heading to the elevator while Seongmin is still completely clueless of what’s occurring. He looks at Taeyoung by his side as he tilts his head, eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. The latter does not look back though, as he did not see. Seongmin looks at their hands instead, warm against cold, rough against soft.

“You really know a lot of people.” 

Taeyoung hums, looking back at Seongmin, finally meeting his eyes with his own.

“Yeah, but no one knows me more than you do.” He utters, doe eyes gleaming with the elevator light, his dimple faintly peeking out of his cheek.

“That’s right. You’re right.” Seongmin replies with a giggle, his voice is bright and wide contrasting to the dim and constrained space they are sharing.

“Ding”

The elevator opens and there greeted the night sky just before their eyes, the walls consisting of purely glass are the only things separating them from the grandiose view. Seongmin could not even move from his feet, he’s too in awe because of it. Its beauty, its presence and its feel. 

You need not to convince anyone to like this. Everything about this is perfect.

“What are you doing? Come on.” Taeyoung says, squeezing the hand in his hold, tugging it afterwards. 

“Kim Taeyoung you’re really insane, you do know that.” Seongmin says with a suck of breath, putting his body closer to Taeyoung, the latter feeling the former’s breath on his shoulder.

“You like it that much?” He queries when they go on a full stop before the glass wall. He slowly turns his head to Seongmin’s direction, gentle eyes on the evening sky, alternating between the many stars there is as if he’s making his own constellation in his mind.

“You know I do.”

Below them is a busy city. Various colors of lights from the buildings and cars are too small compared to what they are used to see. Faint sounds of the busy evening were heard to the point that their breathing was much heard.

It is as if nothing else mattered.

As if it’s just the both of them existing at that time and space.

Hand in hand, shoulders brushing on each other as they sat on a table.

“Seongminnie…”

Seongmin hums, feet swinging back and forth as the table was too high for him to reach.

“Nothing.” Taeyoung says after a while of silence. Seongmin looks back at him.

“Huh?” 

“Nothing, really. I just wanted to hear your voice.” Taeyoung teases as he looks back at Seongmin, doe eyes smiling. 

On a cold night like this, Seongmin shouldn’t feel like burning inside.

“That’s cheesy. I know you have something to tell me. What is it, Taeyoungie?” Seongmin quickly responds, looking back at the view in front of them as it burned too much.

It was silent for a few seconds. Taeyoung sighs, a soft sound against the stillness of the air. 

“Do you still remember my 7th wish on my seventh birthday?” He asks as his eyes slowly look back on the beauty in front of them.

“Of course, I do.” Of course he does. Besides, it still stretches until this day. 

Together, forever.

“It’s still… you know.. applicable until now, right? Even though we have not said it for years.” Taeyoung’s voice gradually became softer with each word that came out of his mouth. 

“Of course it is, dummy. Together, forever. ” Seongmin blurts out, his voice is silvery; too pleasant and clear in Taeyoung’s ears.

“Yeah…” He holds his hand tighter. Seongmin looks back. “ Together, forever.” 

Seongmin is caught up with it. With everything surrounding them. With Taeyoung in front of him. His doe eyes are shining, like the stars before them suddenly went in those black orbs. It’s almost as if his eyes are purposely pulling Seongmin in, diving deeper, falling in deeper. It does not help when Taeyoung does not look away too, his eyes are still on Seongmin’s. It is silent, yet they were talking. The air is eerie, yet comforting. Like cold against warm.

Seongmin didn’t want to feel funny inside. He did not ask to feel more ablaze than he already is. Not at all, but when Taeyoung’s lips curved upward, his doe eyes turning into those infamous crescents as if it mirrored the moon giving them light, his dimples on his cheeks…

He eventually did. He feels funny and ablaze. He blew it.

He looks away with a sharp inhale, the tip of his tongue grazing his upper teeth.

“H-hey, do you have water? I’m kinda feeling thirsty.” He excuses, trying to get out of the bubble he, himself made.

“Yeah I have a bottle, it’s in my bag beside you.”

Seongmin quickly grabs it from his reach. He rummaged through it in haste. Hell, he does not know why he’s in a hurry. He eventually finds it, but a certain thing caught his eyes instead.

“Taeyoung… what is this?” He grabs the white bottle of pills from the bag as he shows it to Taeyoung who has his eyes quiver.

“Ah..” he hesitates. Words are unable to come out of his mouth. “Sleeping pills…” He still answers in all honesty, scratching his nape as a coping mechanism.

“Why?” Seongmin asks. He has not known of this.

“I… am having a hard time sleeping. For a whole month. You know, because of stress. Like the pressure in our club and our class duties. My doctor prescribed it when it didn’t get better. It’s just for a week or two though.” He utters with a soft voice.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” Seongmin voices out in concern. His eyes are also quivering.

“It’s not exactly a thing to be worried about, you know…. It’s fine, Minnie. I’m okay. Doctor said I am okay. You don’t need to be worried.”

“Who said I was?” Seongmin echoes back in defense.

“Your eyes don’t lie, Seongmin.” The smaller stares, and Taeyoung does too. It was Seongmin’s turn to squeeze the hand in his.

“Still, you should have told me. I could’ve helped.” 

“How?”

“I would literally sleep with you. I don’t care if it’ll keep me awake. I am gonna watch over you even if that sounds hella creepy. I am gonna stay by your side to listen to how your day has been, until you let it all out and forget about it so it will stop bothering you. I will watch The Titanic with you for a lot of times until you get tired and eventually fall asleep. There are a lot of ways Kim Taeyoung.” Seongmin blabbers too quickly to the point that Taeyoung almost lost track of his words.

Taeyoung lets out a small laugh, it echoes throughout the entirety of the room. He uses his free hand to ruffle Seongmin’s hair.

“Really, what do I do without you?”

“Exactly. You’re lucky to have me.” Seongmin says, flashing a gummy smile afterwards.

“I’m the luckiest person, I guess?” Taeyoung playfully asks, doe eyes full of sincerity. 

The night is young, and so are they.

Seongmin is almost seventeen, but his mind travels back to when they were still seven.

`

He does not need to travel back. Everything is still like before. Five minutes ago, there were shoulders brushing, a quiet atmosphere, the smell of old and new books going in and out of their olfactory systems, arms momentarily touching, blueberries and peaches crashing.

The usual study session they both do every after class when Taeyoung does not have training. This routine was not an exemption. Still, skin to skin, cold against warm.

But that was five minutes ago. Now, Seongmin is alone. 

“Oh no.”

Seongmin looks at his side when he hears Taeyoung utter those words. “What’s wrong?”

“Coach asked us to go to the court immediately. It was a sudden call since the professionals from Hankuk University came by surprise. You know, the people who cast athletes?” Taeyoung says as he quickly packs his things back in his bag.

“Oh yeah I know who they are.” Seongmin says as he looks. He just looks. Taeyoung briefly stops just after he grabs his bag. He looks back at Seongmin, finally matching the stare those gentle eyes gave him.

“I’m sorry, Minnie. I have to go. You can just go home later first when you’re done, okay?” He apologizes as he feels the guilt creep in.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry. Goodluck!” Seongmin shouts in a whisper, empathetic of what’s around them. He gestures a movement of goodluck with his right hand as he flashes a smile.

Taeyoung smiles back, dimples showing. He ruffles Seongmin’s hair before exiting the scene.

Seongmin sighs as he runs his fingers through his locks. He puts his face in his palms. The air is still. His lone shoulder feeling cold with the sudden lack of the familiar friction.

He hears shuffling in front of him. He lowered his hands and there he saw Minhee who sat just before him, sweat dripping from his forehead, hair disheveled as if he just came from a marathon. He’s bringing out his stuff from his bag.

“Mind if i sit here?” He asks, then the air suddenly shifts.

Angelic eyes. Pale complexion. Faint freckles. Strawberry scent. 

Seongmin observes. It is not the very infamous doe eyes. Deep dimples. Blueberry scent. But he takes it anyway. Not for granted, but as it is. Besides, he prefers to be with someone than no one.

“Will you go away if I say no, though?” Seongmin teases, eyebrows wiggling when Minhee makes eye contact with him. The taller playfully narrows his eyes, before mouthing “mean.” which the smaller satisfyingly laughs at.

So they study, quietly. Minhee pouts when he concentrates, and Seongmin finds that amusing. Amusing in a way that it awfully feels familiar although it’s far different from lips formed into a straight line, dimples peeking right through the cheeks.

Their eyes do meet from time to time. Just simple glances that mean nothing. They don’t talk, both of them concentrated in the books, studying for their damned lives. After several minutes though, Seongmin sees the letters float, his concentration has finally reached its peak. His brain is completely fried, and his mentality is already tired.

“God this is so damn tiring.” Minhee suddenly says, just as when Seongmin felt the same. He purses his lips into a straight line before banging his forehead against the table, a sound echoing through the room. Minhee pauses, he stays in his place. Seongmin laughs, ever so endearingly.

“Did anyone hear?” Minhee whispers. Seongmin looks around.

“Nope. If they did, I think they didn’t just care.” 

Minhee slowly raises his head from the table, and there is a red mark on his forehead because of the impact.

Seongmin could not help but giggle. His giggle rests on Minhee’s ear, so short yet too soothing. They just stayed like that. Unfamiliar angelic eyes slowly turning to familiarity, smile lines instead of deep dimples.

“So, why were you alone? Aren’t you and Taeyoung always together?” Minhee breaks the air first.

“Sudden call from their club.” 

“Ah, maybe that’s why Hyeongjun left me alone too.” Minhee says, and Seongmin freezes.

“Oh,” Seongmin answers shortly, because there was nothing more to say. But also because there is a lot more to say. He keeps it. He swallows it. Just like what he has always been doing. 

“Oh..” Minhee utters in a soft tone. The air is still, once again. Seongmin’s stomach drops.

Seongmin scribbles on his notebook. Minhee side eyes him and he clears his throat.

“Not in the mood?” 

“Yeah…”

“Should we go home?” Minhee asks gently, maybe too gentle. Too gentle for his liking. Too gentle for every reason there is. 

“Yeah,” Seongmin sighs. He packs his things up in a flash. He finally lifts his head up, his gentle eyes matching angelic ones. A rare sight, a special one. A comforting one specially. “Yeah, we should.” He smiles, until no one spoke anymore. The silence echoes.

The walk to the bus stop was awfully suffocating, the deafening silence came knocking on their ears for every second. Seongmin counts the trees they were passing by. His mind wanders around. He can’t even remember what number he is at now.

He stops on his tracks when he notices Minhee is still by his side. 

“You….” he trails off, not able to find the right words.

“Oh. oh, don’t get me wrong. I…. actually live like a few blocks away from you.” Minhee says before Seongmin could speak further. His eyebrows arched.

“How’d you know that?”

“I kinda see you always when you go to school?” Minhee slowly says, letting the words slip out of his mouth. Seongmin nods.

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

They stepped on the bus and Seongmin absent-mindedly walked towards the seat at the very back. It’s in his system; farthest seat, a slightly opened window, a head on his shoulder. He goes and he sits by the window, a sigh of relief when it was already opened.

Minhee sits beside him. He does not fret. Although it feels different, it’s fine. It’s okay.

Minhee was unexpectedly chatty. He kept on talking, probably because he hates the quiet and slightly awkward atmosphere between them. His voice is not echoey there compared to the library. Seongmin feels the wind on his face.

Seongmin knew why Minhee felt like going out of the basketball court that day. He had an ex, a senior from the same school and he had broken up with him in that place because he was going abroad for his college years. Seongmin listens attentively and he could sense Minhee’s blood boiling even with his good choice of words. 

“That’s unfair, not gonna lie.” Seongmin says carefully, before he shuts the window close. The cold wind against his warm face is gone. He looks at the angelic eyes.

“See? It’s really unfair. We could have worked it, you know? But he chose to be selfish. It’s really selfish….” Minhee asserts, his voice in a descending volume as he trails off. 

“You still love him?” Seongmin asks and Minhee quivers. 

“I.. I think I still do…” 

It’s scary, Seongmin thinks. No matter how much you’ve been hurt, your heart still chooses to love. Although he has no experience with it, as he sees in movies, it’s scary. Falling in love is scary.

His mind travels back to when they were still eleven. Disheveled fort almost breaking loose from the ribbon tying it, a faint light from the lamp, a bright one from the screen of his laptop. He travels back to shoulders brushing, hand in hand, warm against cold, and honest words.

“I’m scared.” Seongmin mumbles with his shaking voice, almost too inaudible.

“Of what?” Yet Taeyoung hears it. He has been listening ever since.

“Of falling in love.”

It’s still the same. And Seongmin is afraid he’ll face it soon.

“How about you, Seongmin? Do you like anyone?” Seongmin blinks at him. 

“No.” he answers shortly and Minhee nods, brushing it past.

It was silent again. And Minhee hates it when it’s silent.

“Seongmin, do you have anything to say? Like you can share anything. I’m really out of topics and I just feel restless when it’s too quiet” Minhee spills. Seongmin looks at him.

“Oh. I….” Seongmin thinks for a while. “My birthday is in two days.” 

“Oh really?” Minhee expresses, his tone is a bit livelier than before. “Do you want anything?” 

Seongmin shakes his head, “Nothing in particular. Besides, Taeyoung has already granted me a lot of wishes.” He lets it slip. He sees Minhee giving him a look and it dawns into him that what he said didn’t make sense for people who don’t know the context. 

It does make sense. Of course, it makes sense. What him and Taeyoung do makes sense. He realizes it more these days.

“Ah, we kind of have this tradition when someone’s birthday is coming….” he clarifies. Minhee perks his ears up in response. “We have to grant as many wishes as the number of our age.”

Minhee nods but he momentarily stops as he thinks. “So, seventeen wishes? That’s a lot. You’ve already spent all of those?” 

Seongmin shakes his head, “I still have one left. I just don’t know what else to ask. Maybe I can just use it after my birthday.” He shrugs.

Minhee nods once again but this time, it’s slower as if he’s thinking of something.

“You said you can use it anytime?” a nod.

“So that means your wish can also be done anytime?” another nod.

Minhee snaps his fingers, a bright xpression creeping on his face. “Do you mind if i make a suggestion?” he asks, and Seongmin shakes his head.

“Ask him to prom. The Christmas ball.” 

The air became still and Seongmin’s eyes grew large.

“What? That’s like in four months.”

“You heard me. Ask him to prom. I assume you don’t have anyone and he does not have anyone too. Do you want to be alone then?” Minhee points out  as he crosses his arms.

Seongmin agonizes. But he thinks. “Why?”

“Why not?”

“But why though?”

Minhee sighs in disbelief as he differs. “I don’t know, man. I told you, it’s just a suggestion. You can just not do it.” 

Seongmin stares, and he looks away. He opens the window again, and the cold breeze pierces through his skin.

It was just a suggestion. He can just ignore it. He wishes he can, though.

“Okay, see you tomorrow at school then?” Minhee says as he smiles before waving goodbye. Seongmin nods in acknowledgement and waves back as he stares at the figure getting smaller and smaller, before Minhee stops on his tracks. It seems like he has arrived at his house. 

Seongmin does not know why but he counted his steps. He counted the houses in between them. It isn’t twenty-three. It isn’t a house away. 

Seongmin sighs when he finally disappears from his sight. 

It’s just a suggestion. He shouldn’t feel this contemplated.

`

It’s just a suggestion, but Seongmin thinks of it the whole day. From the very moment he opened his eyes, from the first bite of his first meal of the day, from the very first class, until the day almost ended, he could not stop thinking about it. 

Everytime he tries to forget about it completely and entirely, or atleast for a few moments, Minhee’s voice comes ringing in his ears. His words come in like a broken tape, slowly but repeatedly. Like a cycle without any end. Like something that has started but you can’t put an end with.

“Ask him to prom. The Christmas ball.” 

And Seongmin couldn’t even look at Taeyoung without feeling burning inside. It didn’t feel like that before. It shouldn’t feel like that. Whenever they match glances, he looks away, almost immediately, too fast to not feel ablaze, but just enough to think he wouldn’t get suspicious of him.

“It’s just a suggestion. You can just not do it.” 

From time to time, he would blame Minhee for saying that but then, he was right. It was just a suggestion and he could just forget about it. It was just a suggestion yet it’s bugging him.

“You’re thinking of something.”

It was silent, just like any other ride on the bus way home. Seongmin is looking through the window at the back seat and Taeyoung is beside him. As always.

“Seongmin.” Taeyoung says once again when he notices Seongmin is still deep in thoughts.

“Oh, what did you say?” Seongmin flinches before he looks at Taeyoung. There, he sees it again. His very infamous pretty doe eyes, looking at him.

“You’ve been acting strange the whole day.” Taeyoung reckons.

“Oh.. Was I?” Seongmin asks innocently, following it up with a nervous chuckle he couldn’t help but to let out. Taeyoung looks at him as he tilts his head slightly.

“Something is bothering you. Is everything okay?” Taeyoung asks, and it clicks.

Seongmin looks at him, more time than he intended to do. He looks closely at his doe eyes and the slight appearance of his deep dimples. His gaze shifts to their hands which are not intertwined but are still in hold. Cold against warm. Their shoulders brushing and coming in close contact whenever the bus goes on a temporary stop.

Those things are just the usual. Nothing new, nothing changed. It should not bother him. It really shouldn’t bother him.

He realizes he’s been looking for too long. He quickly shakes his head in denial.

“You sure?” Taeyoung asks, his voice is now mixed with concern.

Seongmin nods, a gummy smile following it. He tightens his grip on Taeyoung’s hand. The friction of the rough hand complimenting his soft one.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” He makes an excuse and it was obvious to anyone that it is, but Taeyoung does not ask furthermore. He nods and leans forward, Seongmin freezes and his chest tightens.

It shouldn’t burn.

The close proximity is just the usual. But Seongmin feels funny.

“You didn’t even open the window,” Taeyoung says with a slight chuckle as he opens the glass window beside Seongmin for him, the cool wind soon on his face. Taeyoung’s arm is just by Seongmin’s chest, and he wishes to every god there is in existence that the former won’t feel or hear it thumping too loud. Once Taeyoung is done, he settles, and he smiles at Seongmin. Crescent eyes gleaming against the light outside. “You must be really tired that you forgot about it.”

Seongmin slowly nods because he agrees. How can he forget something he’s used to doing? He must be insane.

He then feels a hand on his temple slightly pushing his head down on the shoulder by his side. He gulps.

“There. You can take a nap if you’re tired.” Their surroundings went on a full stop, but Seongmin’s chest is fast paced. He doesn’t know why, but Minhee’s words yesterday came in his ears faster than it has ever before.

He closes his eyes although he doesn’t feel sleepy. He feels an earbud being placed in his right ear, and music he’s been used to listen to replaces the familiar voice echoing.

Now this is something that isn’t in the usual. Taeyoung would always be the one sleeping on the way home because of his tremendous fatigue in training. Seongmin’s shoulder would be the one he’d always lean on, it is sore, but it doesn’t feel sore . This is something new, and Seongmin feels funnier inside as every second passes by. 

The whole ride, he pretends to be sleeping. He kept his eyes shut and his movements strained. He sucks a breath and lets out a shaky one.

It is very hot outside, but Seongmin is burning more inside.

`

The night stretches, and it’s not long enough until Seongmin turns seventeen.

Under the fort with glow in the dark stars and moon stuck underneath, a hand in his, a thick blanket covering them both, a movie playing before their eyes. It’s the usual, but it is like the first time. The movie they have played for dozens of times, but still hits like it’s the first time, it still hits like home. Seongmin is curled up, his chin is over his folded knees and Taeyoung has his head against Seongmin’s. They stay like that during the whole thing. Their eyes are stuck on the screen but Seongmin’s mind flies away for a few times with the same thought that has been bothering him the whole day in his mind. 

“How many minutes left?” Taeyoung whispers and Seongmin looks at the clock beside him. 

“10 minutes.” It’s 10 minutes until he turns seventeen. An age he had never imagined he’d reach so quickly, an age he’s frankly afraid of. He’s not afraid of it literally, but he’s afraid of growing up. He’s afraid of the long span of time, and the possibilities of events occuring in that spectrum. He is afraid of change. He is afraid of breaking away.

He feels Taeyoung nod against his temple. He settles down but his fingers start to curl up and his fingernails are digging his knees. Luckily, the fabric of his pyjamas are preventing him from being wounded because of the force he exerts on himself unknowingly.

“Just in time for this movie to end, yeah?” Taeyoung asks, and Seongmin hums in response. They both know almost everything that happens in the movie. From the characters, to the events and even until each dialogue. Taeyoung is right, once this movie ends, it’s also time for Seongmin to turn seventeen.

“I can’t believe you’re turning seventeen.” 

“Why?” Seongmin asks innocently, gentle eyes staring on the screen but his ears are fully perked up on the voice beside him.

“You’re still a kid to me.” Taeyoung cheekily teases as he shifts on his position. Seongmin could feel Taeyoung’s breath brushing on his own cheek because of their closeness. 

“That’s funny because you’ve been seventeen for months now but you’re still more of a kid than me.” He teases back, but he does not rip his look off of the screen. Not like that, not with that proximity.

“Mean.” Taeyoung rumbles and Seongmin could see him pout on his peripheral vision. Seongmin chuckles and he feels the hand intertwining with his own. Taeyoung plays with it as he leans his head back on Seongmin’s. He’s stroking lines and drawing circles on the back of his hand. Cold fingers on a warm hand. 

“Seongminnie…” His voice is soft and it’s trailing off but Seongmin hears him because he is listening. 

“Yeah?”

“We’re growing up too fast, don’t you think?” Taeyoung asks, and it is genuine.

“Suddenly?” Seongmin asks with a chuckle to tease, but his thoughts are the same.

“Yeah.. Some things are starting to change, don’t you think?” He asks again but this time, Seongmin does not chuckle. Instead, he nods after a few seconds of thinking.

“But we shouldn’t change, okay? Together forever, right?” Taeyoung continues and he looks back at Seongmin. The latter looks back as if he has forgotten about how close they are. Now, he could feel Taeyoung’s breath on his face.

“Yeah,” He whispers. “Of course. Together forever. ” He holds his hand tighter, and his chest tightens too.

“Minnie..”

“Hmm?”

“I have something to say. Please don’t tease me for this.” Taeyoung says as he keeps staring. At this point, they have already forgotten about the movie playing.

Seongmin pretends to contemplate for a while to tease him, but he eventually nods as he waits for Taeyoung to continue.

“I’m gonna ask Hyeongjun to prom.”

Oh. 

Seongmin stiffens, he slowly loosens his grip.

“Really? That’s great then,” He forces a smile he doesn’t even know why he had to. The air stills and he stares at his eyes.

“You like him?” He drops it. He asks it. And deep in him, he wishes something different is gonna come out of Taeyoung’s mouth.

Taeyoung smiles for a short while before nodding. “Yeah… I think I do.” 

Taeyoung smiles, but Seongmin breaks. He nods and gives a pat on Taeyoung’s shoulder. “I wish you luck then.”

“Do you think he’ll say yes?” Taeyoung asks so innocently , and his doe eyes are shining with hope.

“Of course,” He genuinely answers. “You’re Taeyoung afterall, who wouldn’t like you?” Seongmin continues too honestly.

They both look back at the movie in front of them as it is finally coming to an end. Seongmin thought what would’ve happened if he said it when he still had the chance. He had the chance the whole day but he wasn’t able to grasp it. But then, if Taeyoung already had his mind set on asking Hyeongjun, it would be embarrassing to be rejected. But knowing Taeyoung, he would’ve said yes. Yet, Seongmin doesn’t want to be taken for granted.

Seongmin doesn’t know what to feel. Grief or relief.  

The movie ends, but Seongmin’s thoughts don't. 

“That was still so good.” Taeyoung says as he stretches his arms, his eyes then looking at Seongmin.

He, himself, didn't even notice a tear escaping his eye.

Taeyoung pauses, “You’re really still a kid,” he says as he leans in close and he uses his thumb to wipe the tear off of Seongmin’s cheek. Seongmin shivers and his heart falls to his stomach. “You still cry even after watching this for a lot of times.” 

Seongmin’s eyes quivers. He wipes his undereye with his fingers. Taeyoung looks at the clock, and his eyes gleam brighter than ever.

“Happy birthday, Seongmin,” Taeyoung says as he gives Seongmin a hug. Seongmin wishes Taeyoung wouldn’t feel the thumping of his chest on him. “What’s your last wish?” He asks, and Seongmin’s mind momentarily blanks out. But he flashes a smile.

“I’ll tell you later today.” He assures, and Taeyoung nods. He feels the grip on their loose hands become tight, and it is tighter than ever. The cold hand clashing with his warm hand ever so perfectly.

Seongmin is now seventeen, and his heart breaks for the first time.

`

“Are you sure this is enough for your last wish?”   Taeyoung asks gently, his shoes grazing the sediment of the pathway towards their school. He’s holding a bag of ice cream, a lot of them which Seongmin had chosen personally to suit his taste.

Seongmin slowly nods as he takes another small bite from the mint chocolate ice cream he’s holding, “Yeah. I swear I have been craving these for the past few weeks. It is really worth being my last wish.” He responds, eyes on the pebbles his shoes are kicking from time to time.

Seongmin stops on his tracks and a shoulder brushes by him before Taeyoung also went on a full stop. Seongmin looks at Taeyoung, his gentle eyes staring right at his doe eyes. He can see right through him.

“Come on, Taeyoungie. I have already said I’m already satisfied with this.” Seongmin says as he playfully hits Taeyoung’s shoulder with his own.

“Well,” Taeyoung trails off. “I thought you would want something more grand for me to do for you like the usual before…”

Seongmin smiles, and it is his signature gummy smile. “I swear this is more than enough! Besides, I almost have you bankrupt with the amount of frozen pops and ice cream we bought.” He comforts, and it is genuine. It really is enough. Shoulders brushing, Blueberry scent and a hand in his. This is really enough.

It’s a very pleasant morning. The sky is awake, and it is more alive than it has ever been. As if the day is made to be beautiful for Seongmin’s birthday. Seongmin is happy, as he woke up this morning and had chosen to forget the crazy feeling he had hours ago. Under the fort, under the blanket, a hand in his. He tries to forget it.

Taeyoung suddenly halts, the sudden friction of his feet on the sidewalk making a scratching noise which caught Seongmin’s attention and made him stop on his feet too. He looks at Taeyoung and he follows his gaze.

Oh.

There he is. The other subject of the peculiar feeling Seongmin felt the night before. Hyeongjun is with Minhee and they are both walking towards the school gates. It’s probably something in the norm, since the both of them are also friends. Seongmin looks back at Taeyoung and the latter still has his look on them. 

Okay. 

He remembers last night. Unspoken words, Taeyoung’s confession.

“Hey,” Seongmin asks as he grabs the bag Taeyoung is holding. He continues, “You should go to him. You want to, right?” 

Taeyoung looks at him and Seongmin’s chest tightens. 

“Go on. Make a move. Don’t blow your chance away.” Seongmin says, and assures when he saw Taeyoung’s hesitant eyes. 

Taeyoung nods and smiles. 

Seongmin looks at his figure approaching Hyeongjun. He reads their actions from afar and before he knew it, Taeyoung had successfully snatched Hyeongjun on his own.

It is supposed to be a pleasant day.

“Seongmin hi.” 

He slightly jumps when he suddenly hears a voice by his side. He looks and sees Minhee standing beside him, angelic eyes smiling, strawberry scent brushing by his nose.

“Oh hey Minhee.” He greets back, a small smile appearing slowly on his lips.

“So….. How did it go?” Minhee asks and they both continue to move from their feet. 

“What did?”

“You know, your last wish. Were you able to consider my suggestion?” Minhee asks, and Seongmin bites the inside of his cheeks.

“Uhm, no. I wasn’t able to.” Seongmin utters, and he burns.

“Why though? Have you thought of something else?”

“Same answer.”

“Then why?” Minhee asks and they stop on their feets. Seongmin slowly trails his eyes towards Minhee’s. 

“He said something first.”

Minhee arches his eyebrows. “Enlighten me?”

Seongmin feels suffocated, so he sighs. He lets the air suffocate him inside out. 

“He said he’s gonna ask Hyeongjun to prom.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah..”

Minhee purses his lips and heaves a sigh a moment after. “He’ll probably say yes, yeah?” He sighs.

“Yeah. I think so.” Seongmin shrugs.

“Hyeongjun that brat,” Minhee suddenly says and it was Seongmin’s turn to furrow his eyebrows in confusion. “We had an agreement to be partners so we can be single together.”

Seongmin unknowingly lets a chuckle out, “Well, that’s tragic.” He says, and they both laugh pathetically. 

Minhee holds both straps of his bag, thumbs tracing nothingness on its surface. “Say, Seongmin…” He starts off and Seongmin perks his ears up. “Do you wanna go with me instead?”

Seongmin freezes on the spot but Minhee is radiating with warm, so he melts.

He continues, “Like you know, homies being single together. Besties who don’t have dates. Two kids who got rejected by their bestfriends.” He laughs it off, and his smile is bright.

Seongmin didn’t need to think. He nods, he smiles. 

“Yeah, sure. That sounds cool.” He takes it, because Minhee gave it sincerely.

“Oh wait,” Minhee exclaims as he grabs his bag and rummages through it. He grabs something in it and a white box with a blue ribbon greets Seongmin’s eyes. Minhee uses his hand to dust it off before he hands it to Seongmin. “Here. I don’t know what you like so I literally just grabbed the first thing I saw. Sorry about that.” He says with a laugh, and smile lines appear on the corners of his mouth.

Seongmin grabs it, “Thank you. You know you didn’t have to…”

“Do you take our friendship this lightly?” Minhee jokes, and Seongmin’s laugh rings sweetly in his ears. “Happy Birthday, Seongmin. I hope you’ll have a good one.”

Seongmin opens the box after untying the ribbon, and he sees a perfume, a scent he has not used before. He smiles. 

There is nothing wrong with a small change , right?

Maybe this day is still pleasant, like how Seongmin initially thought it would be.

`

Taeyoung dreamt of collecting all of the stars he came across with, but Seongmin dreamt of being a rogue planet.

“What is that?” Taeyoung’s voice came gently in his ears, it pierces. He’s whispering warmth just a few inches far from Seongmin’s face. Both are cuddled up under a warm blanket, under the very infamous lopsided fort.

“A rogue planet is a planet that is lost, without an orbit,” Seongmin conveys and he plays with Taeyoung’s hair. “It wanders around like a nomad because it doesn’t have any place to stay.”

“That’s kinda sad.” His voice is muted, but his doe eyes were rather loud, shining as they were staring right through Seongmin’s gentle ones.

“It is,” He chuckles. “It also does not orbit a star. Basically a rogue planet is ejected from the other known planets.” Seongmin whispers and he stops playing with the blueberry scented hair.

“It’s kinda my fault, yeah?”

Seongmin’s face slightly scrunches, “How?”

“Because i collected all the stars, and I might have unknowingly gotten your supposed star.” He says, and it is genuine. Taeyoung voices out, and it is without a doubt honest.

“You think so?” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry for that.” Taeyoung says. He giggles. Seongmin liked it.

It was silent, and they were just looking at each other. Without any specific reason, but with everything that makes sense. They stare at each other, just like any other night that had passed. They look at each other as if their eyes would talk on their mouths’ behalf. 

“Seongminnie….” He whispers

“Taeyoungie…” He whispers also, but it tickles inside. 

Taeyoung’s hand feels exceptionally warm tonight.

“How did it feel?” Taeyoung asks as he breaks the silence.

“It felt….” Seongmin closes his eyes and just like that, he envisions the bits and pieces of his half vivid dream. “It was really dark.”

Taeyoung nods although he wasn’t seen by the other. He lets him speak with his silence.

“All I could see was darkness. Endless darkness. I couldn’t even see myself. It really felt lonely, Taeyoung. It was scary. Really scary.” 

Taeyoung listens. He listens, and his eyes are gleaming. He listens to every word Seongmin is saying, every breath he’s taking, and even the short silence in between his words. Because he thinks every single thing that comes out of his mouth is worth hearing. No matter how others might think it’s useless, no matter how it may sound very irrelevant to others, he listens. He listens because he wants to. He listens because he cares.

He holds him close. Taeyoung softly holds Seongmin close. He embraces him with his arms, still keeping his hold on his warm hand. Seongmin’s nose hits the hem of Taeyoung’s shirt, and he smells blueberries. His stomach feels funny and his heart is thumping. He breathes in sharply as he tries to calm it down.

“Seongminnie..”

“Taeyoungie..”

“My dream… The one we just talked about,” Taeyoung whispers, just before Seongmin’s ear. “Open your eyes.”

Seongmin does, and the darkness is replaced by the person he’s with. 

“I carried all of the stars, remember?” 

“Yeah..”

“I think adding a rogue planet wouldn’t be a problem for me.” Taeyoung delivers, and Seongmin receives it wholeheartedly.

“Together forever?” Seongmin asks, his heart in his hands.

“Of course. Together forever.” Taeyoung answered, and it was enough.

It is a long, moonlit night and Seongmin wants to stop time.

` 

A few months would pass in a blink of an eye. It’s as if they just took a step, and it’s already December. It’s as if they just took a breath in, and it’s already the Christmas ball. Beforehand, Seongmin felt thrilled to be on his final year of being a senior because of this very infamous Christmas ball everyone couldn’t stop talking about. They said it is the most fun part of being a highschool student as it is the peak of the whole experience. It is the moment you are free of whatever you want to do. 

And Seongmin wants freedom more than anything in this world. Especially as a very very stressed senior.

But this time, the thrill he felt before had turned into something he isn’t quite sure of. It felt heavy for some reason he couldn't point his finger to. It should be exciting. He should feel ecstatic. 

Seongmin hears a knock he’s been expecting for the past hour. It wasn’t because it was late, but because he’s just too ahead of the time. He was waiting just before the door, and with the knock, he swung it open.

He sighs a heavy breath when he’s greeted by the doe eyes he knows so much. Taeyoung looks amazing. He is breathtaking. Even with only wearing a black long-sleeved shirt tucked in a pair of black slacks with black shoes, his black tux and necktie hanging by his arm, and his styled up hair, He looks stunning. 

Seongmin thinks it’s unfair. Because even if Taeyoung knows he’s good looking himself, it wouldn’t be justified. It doesn’t make sense. Seongmin knows it himself too. Everything doesn’t make sense. The heavy feeling doesn’t make sense.

“Hey.” Taeyoung whispers, his voice is low and the corner of his lips curved up. His doe eyes are shining.

“Hi.” Seongmin replies and he quickly lets him in. He brushes off whatever he thought of a few seconds ago. 

“Still haven’t started dressing up?” Taeyoung asks once he stepped in the house he has known for almost two decades. He hears ceramics clinking and the current of the water flowing.

“Yeah. The Christmas ball can wait.” He nonchalantly refutes, and Taeyoung softly giggles by it.

“Taeyoung is that you?” A voice of a woman was heard and Taeyoung sure knows who that is. He smiles when they make eye contact, and he bows afterwards. “Yes, auntie. Good evening.”

Seongmin’s mom turns the faucet off midway of washing the dishes as she completely gives her full attention to the kid. She looks at him intently, and her eyes are warm as if they were the eyes of a mother. It’s true, for a lot of reasons. Taeyoung has spent a lot of his time in this house, and of course he has always treated Seongmin’s mom as his very own too.

“You look very dashing tonight! You have always been but seeing you dressed up like this makes you more like a young man.” She says, her voice is gentle as if it is melting in his ears. He knows where Seongmin got his from. 

He smiles, deep dimples appearing, doe eyes forming into crescents like the moon outside, and just like it, they were also bright. Brighter than ever, and Seongmin gets blinded.

“Thank you, auntie. You’re too nice.” He responds.

“You look very excited. Perhaps there is a specific reason?” She teases and Seongmin leans back against the wall beside him, his body feeling weak for some reason he couldn’t decipher.

Taeyoung sheepishly as he scratches his nape. “No, not really. Just kind of excited because it’s the first time.”

“Well, I understand that. When I was your age I also felt really-”

“Mum, not again please we’re gonna be late.” Seongmin interrupts as he rolls his eyes. Taeyoung looks at him and he chuckles. His voice is sweet like honey.

“Okay, okay. I hope you’ll both have fun!” His mom retreats as she laughs. Taeyoung nods, genuinely smiling as he looks back at Seongmin by his side.

“Let’s go?” He queries.

“About time.” Seongmin replies in sass.

They were both walking towards Seongmin’s room and their shoulders were brushing against each other. For some reason, Seongmin feels stiff and it is not because of the cold season.

“Oh by the way Taeyoung!” They both hear Seongmin’s mom say from the kitchen. They both halt in front of Seongmin’s pink door.

“Please keep an eye on Seongmin! I’m afraid he will be lonely there!” 

Taeyoung purses his lips together to fight with every fiber in his body that forces him to laugh as he looks at Seongmin’s insulted expression.

“Mom! He doesn’t need to! Besides, I have a date!” Seongmin screams in frustration and he furiously opens the door to welcome himself in, not even waiting for his company.

And there outside is Taeyoung left in confusion. 

`

Seongmin’s suit was also black, and the design somewhat matches Taeyoung’s, although his undershirt is on the opposite color which is white. No, it was not planned. They totally bought those separately. It’s just the cruel work of fate which makes Seongmin laugh bitterly in his mind.

It was silent and the air was eerie. They are both dressing up on their own and it has been a decent number of minutes since the silence has commenced. It bothers Seongmin so much, and him not knowing how to do his necktie is not helping him at all.

So, just like any other time he needed help, Taeyoung is there, so marches near him. He grabs Seongmin’s tie and does it himself, and Seongmin’s fingers momentarily make contact with Taeyoung’s cold hand before he lets the fabric go.

“A kid. That’s what you are.” Taeyoung breaks the silence first, the tip of his tongue out of his lips as he concentrates, his eyes on Seongmin’s tie, deep dimples peeking out of his soft and delicate cheeks.

Seongmin didn’t even bother to respond. He just stares. Taeyoung smells so good, like blueberries. As always. He is supposed to be immune because he has already seen him since an hour ago, but when it’s this close, it’s fairly different.

It really is unfair. He swallows the lump in his throat. Taeyoung really looks stunning.

“So…. Who’s your date?” Taeyoung drags but he doesn’t bat him an eye. Instead, he tilts his head in utmost concentration.

Seongmin could only sigh internally. 

“Minhee.” 

Taeyoung’s movements stopped for a split second, too quick for anyone to miss, enough for someone who has his time stretched to notice. Seongmin doesn’t think too much about how he’s sinking.

“Oh, Minhee?”

“Yeah.” 

Once he’s done fixing Seongmin’s tie, he sighs a breath of relief, a slight smile appearing before he looks at the gentle eyes in front of him.

“Both of you really seem close these days.” Taeyoung says, and he doesn’t back out from where he’s standing. 

“You think so?” Seongmin fills in, nothing else to say.

“Yeah.”

“ Okay.” 

Taeyoung looks at him for a few more seconds before he looks at the mirror in front of them. It’s only a few seconds but for Seongmin, it felt too long. Too long for his liking.

Taeyoung doesn’t say anything about how he can smell Seongmin’s new perfume.

“How do I look?” Taeyoung asks after striking slight poses to see himself more.

“You know you look good.” Seongmin says, and it came from within.

It’s funny that he still asked. It’s funny that he still asked when he looks like that. He looks exhilarating. Seongmin breathes in sharply.

“You look good too, Seongmin.” Taeyoung utters before completely facing Seongmin. A few inches away from him.

Seongmin smiles, his eyes are bright. 

Taeyoung smiles back, and he unknowingly takes his best friend’s breath away.

When they arrived in the venue, it was loud and beaming with lights. The place is very dim with the few colorful lights granting them a sense of sight. The place is almost packed, but it’s just enough for them to freely walk in between the many students.

But Taeyoung is different. Of course he is. Instead of walking with Seongmin which he has always done before, he completely forgets about him as he literally runs through the swarm of people on the dance floor. 

Seongmin’s eyes follow his every movement and there is Hyeongjun, he is scintillating especially because everything else is dark. He glows even more because he is the moon . Taeyoung surely glows with him. 

Seongmin could see Hyeongjun clearly even from afar. He is wearing a velvet suit and his hair is styled up in a way no one has ever seen from him before. Seongmin admits he’s rather eye-catching tonight. He has light makeup and his lips have glitters, he smiles, and he shines even more.

Just like that, Seongmin is stuck even more on his stance as he feels the floor swallowing him deeper. The familiar touch and presence is absent, and he feels empty. He looks intently at the star and he is with the moon, and yes, everything is in place. The star should be with the moon, not with a rogue planet because it is what it is. It is lost, wandering and alone. 

A rogue planet with a star is never a sight to be seen.

“Hey.” A sweet voice echoes in his ears. He looked to his side and there came Minhee. He is dressed up simply with a very classic suit of his own but his face saves it all. His eyes are seemingly more angelic than it used to be. The scent of strawberry is stronger, and Seongmin could still see his faint freckles even in the dark, as if it were stars that make up a constellation.

Seongmin smiles, “Hey.”

Minhee purses his lips in a line as he looks around. He balls his hand in a fist as he puts it before his abdomen, clearing his throat afterwards and successfully garnering the smaller’s attention. Seongmin looks at him in confusion.

Minhee stayed silent as he just gapes but he eventually gave up and sighed. 

“Come on, we’re each other’s dates tonight so let’s at least act like we are one.” He asserts, angelic eyes on gentle ones. It compliments.

“Oh.” Seongmin says before he puts his arm around Minhee’s. Just like that, Seongmin loses Taeyoung from his sight. He forgets about him for a moment when he and Minhee exchanged a few talks as they were walking around the venue. He looked away for a short while, and he’s gone. It scares him that this will possibly happen again soon.

The Christmas ball is alive and everyone attending is too. Everyone was right about it being fun because Seongmin thinks it really is. Everyone is in cloud 9. The lights are beaming and the music is loud to the point that their voices are muffled in it even when they speak louder than usual. It is fun.

At least for most of them, because Seongmin knows he should feel light and not heavy.

On the spur of the moment, he sees him. Through the many figures and blinding lights before him, he sees him. He sees them. 

Seongmin is looking, but Taeyoung isn’t.

Because he’s there, but his eyes are on Hyeongjun. He smiles, but Seongmin feels rather gloomy. His doe eyes are gleaming ever so brightly, but Seongmin feels rather dark. Their proximity is close, too close, and their bodies are stuck to each other like magnets, and Seongmin has never felt so distant.

And when his best friend leaned in much closer, much closer to the doll-faced lad in front of him, Seongmin couldn’t bear to look at it anymore. He looks away so quickly and he storms out of the dance floor, leaving Minhee alone.

Minhee was watching, though. He knows. Of course he does. Seongmin is an easy one to read.

He follows him to the balcony.

The air outside feels fairly crisp and raw just like Seongmin ever wanted. He leans forward on the railings and he looks down on his feet, sighing a breath he didn’t know he held in for too long. 

“Hey,” Minhee says once again, but his tone is different. It’s with empathy, and it goes right through Seongmin. He continues, “You okay?”

Minhee fills in the space beside Seongmin. Their shoulders brushed against each other like warm against cold. But it’s not familiar. It is not the usual shoulder Seongmin is used to being associated with.

“Yeah. Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” Seongmin says quickly and it sounds too obvious. It sounds too obvious especially when he avoids Minhee’s eyes the very moment he finished talking.

“You’re lying.” Minhee claims.

“I.. I honestly don’t know that.” Seongmin says, and it’s a bit too honest.

“Lucky for you I know exactly what’s happening.” Minhee says as he turns around, letting his back rest on the rails. Seongmin stayed silent.

“You like him.”  Minhee tells him.

Time freezes, and Seongmin burns within yet he does not melt. He doesn’t move. Literally.

But he utters in utmost confusion as he could not think of anything else to, “What?”

He hears a sigh, one with frustration and his company starts speaking.

“You like Taeyoung.” 

Seongmin breathes in sharply and the friction makes him ignite. “No, I don’t.”

“Okay, okay. Listen,” Minhee starts off and he breathes in deeply before continuing. “What am I to you?”

He didn’t need time to think. “A friend.” He answers easily.

“Okay now what is Taeyoung to you? ”

Seongmin took a few seconds before answering. “A friend too.”

“Okay. If I kiss Hyeongjun right here what will your reaction be?” Minhee asks too seriously, too out of the topic, yet the pieces are starting to fall in their places. Seongmin shrugs.

“I don’t know. Happy for you, I guess?” He nonchalantly answers, not knowing what the other had in store for him.

“What if Taeyoung kisses Hyeongjun right here, what will you feel?” Minhee queries for the last time, he drops the bomb, and there he knows he hit the jackpot.

Seongmin doesn’t answer. He couldn’t. Because there really is nothing to say. Instead, he frets. He thinks about it thoroughly. He looks back to the reason why he’s out here and not in there. 

He remembers 10 minutes ago, on the dance floor. Taeyoung leaning in to Hyeongjun.

It took him too long, and Minhee knows it right then and there. He finally knocked some sense into him.

“I’ve got news for you.” He says smugly as he crosses his arms against his chest.

“What is it?” Seongmin shakingly asks, and he knows something is wrong with him.

Minhee breathes in and he smiles, “You, Ahn Seongmin, have a crush on your best friend. Wait- not a crush. You are in love with him! You fancy him! You are head over damn heels for Taeyoung!” He says, and he is overly enthusiastic despite the refuting atmosphere a few seconds ago.

Seongmin doesn’t resort, he doesn’t fight back like he usually does. He grabs Minhee’s words, takes it in and digests it.

Taeyoung’s bright and smiling eyes staring at someone else back there. 

He looks back.

What exactly did he feel?

He indulges it for a while. He recollects everything.

Why he feels heavy.

Why he feels funny.

Why he feels like burning inside.

A lot of questions, but everything leads to one answer; it’s those sparkly doe eyes turning into crescents when they smile. It is those deep dimples on cheeks. It is the blueberry scent he has known of since the beginning of his life. It is the cold hand in his warm one. It is under the fort, under the thick blanket with light from the laptop, but he shines brighter.

Minhee doesn’t talk. Neither of them talk. It’s not awkward, and it is not eerie. Minhee gives him time to digest it but Seongmin rather grows confused every after second. The cold night breeze is piercing right through their faces, and every second passing, Seongmin feels ironically ablaze. They have completely forgotten about the ball inside.

A ring on his phone was heard when he was fiddling with his fingers.

“Hello?” he answers, and his breath hitches.

“Seongminnie, where are you?” Taeyoung is on the other line, his voice is loud even on the normal speaker mode. Seongmin spares Minhee a glance, and his sight was exchanged. Minhee understood him, and so he gave him a nod, reassuring him that he is there. 

“I’m at the balcony. Wanted to get fresh air.” 

A succession of heavy breaths was heard and Seongmin stood straight with it. “Why? Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah. Of course, all is well. I just- Hold on I’ll go there. Don’t end the call, yeah?” Taeyoung spurts, his voice filled with distraught. 

“Okay.” Seongmin says and he nods although he knows himself he couldn’t be seen.

So he waits and it has not been a whole minute, Taeyoung appears right before their eyes. His heavy panting filled the quiet atmosphere. He ends the call. Seongmin looks at him, heart in his hands and he observes. 

He is still the same. He is still dashing. His eyes are still filled with stars. The strong smell of blueberries is still evident before Seongmin’s nose. His suit is on his arm leaving his undershirt only shielding him from the cold. Seongmin grows to worry, so he steps closer, and closer, until they are a meter apart.

He tries to not think about the glitters on his lips which were not there before.

“God, Taeyoung please wear your suit. It’s freezing here.” Seongmin scolds, and he means it. 

Taeyoung doesn’t answer, instead he beams at Seongmin. He doesn’t mutter a word but his eyes trails off of him as he looks behind Seongmin.

Minhee and Taeyoung matched eyes for a second. It was short, but it meant something. Seongmin wasn’t able to catch it.

“I..” He starts off. “I’m going home.”

“Why? Are you okay?” 

“Yeah I’m just tired,” Taeyoung states before looking back at the man behind Seongmin. He looks back at the gentle eyes. “You can stay if you want.”

“No, no. I also want to leave.” Seongmin says in panic, in a frantic way as if he’s being defensive. “You know this type of thing doesn't really match well with me.”

“You sure?” Taeyoung asks.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

Taeyoung takes one last look at Minhee, before impending towards Seongmin. He grabs his hand, and supernovae collide . Within a short while, Seongmin was pulled by his side. Seongmin looks back at Minhee as he gives him an apologetic look which the latter took well with a nod of assurance.

Minhee stood there alone. He turns around and he supports his body with his arms over the rails. He breathes in and sighs with a bitter laugh.

That’s it for his once in a lifetime experience. He’s sure that the other two will have a different and better story to tell.

`

It is 10 in the evening, and they both chose to walk home. It isn’t the most ideal thing to do especially when they are dressed up so elegantly, but they still do it. Besides, they are seventeen, they have all the time in their hands. 

They hold hands, just like any other given time. It’s a comforting thing to have Taeyoung’s palm against Seongmin’s. To have the tips of his fingernails lightly grazing his knuckles. To have the spaces between his fingers filled by five other ones. Seongmin looks back to when they first did it, but he couldn’t. He doesn’t remember when it started, he just knows it happened, and it became more frequent than anyone would have ever imagined.

And his hand still feels cold.

The night is chilled and hushed. They walk, and the only sound that could be heard by their two pairs of ears are their ominous steps, their shoes making friction with the cement. Seongmin remembers the night when they saw the whole city and the glamor above it. It was undeniably beautiful from afar, but nothing feels better than being in it.

It’s as if everyone is asleep and they are the only ones awake. The night is still awake for them. It’s as if they belong somewhere and Seongmin wants to belong right there, in the muted night, in the hand of his best friend.

Although he knows from the back of his mind, this hand isn’t even his to hold anymore.

“You okay?” Seongmin asks between the quietness of the air, his voice filling in the cracks of reticence.

“Yeah, of course.” Taeyoung answered, and Seongmin felt the hold on his hand getting tighter.

“Why did you feel like going home? The ball wasn’t over yet.” He asks, because he knows there is something. He asks, because he knows Taeyoung has always been the life of the party. He basically belongs there.

Taeyoung bites his lower lip. “No reason really…..”

“Had fun?”

“Yeah…” Taeyoung starts, and his eyes also start to glow, the gloom in it fading away with every second passing. “I had… fun. I had a blast.” He continues, and there is an evident smile on his lips.

Seongmin doesn’t want to think about the glitters on his lips, but this time, it’s shining even more in the dark streets, making it more difficult to ignore it. 

“You did?” He asks, not because he doesn’t have anything to say anymore, but because he just wants more from him. More, and more, and maybe even more because nothing is enough when it comes to Taeyoung. He is more than enough.

“I did,” His dimples show, and Seongmin gulps. He almost loses his control. “How about you, Seongminnie? You had fun?”

“Yeah,” He answered quickly in a split second. He didn’t need any time to think, it’s embedded in his system. A word he’s used to saying. “I think I did.” He smiles, and it is his gummy smile. The wind blows momentarily and his new peach perfume goes by Taeyoung’s nose for a while.

“That’s great. That’s great.” Taeyoung says, and his words close the topic right away.

They walk, and do nothing more. It didn’t take a while, or maybe it did but they didn’t notice , until they arrived in front of Seongmin’s house. They both walk towards the doorstep, and Seongmin was the first one to let go of the hand in his. Taeyoung’s hand was cold, but it felt colder without it.

“So… I’ll go now?” Seongmin says a bit too dubiously. He smiles, and the other returns it. 

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

The air is crisp and the night is almost reaching its peak, but no one is moving from their feet. It’s as if they are stuck, except they both want to be.

Taeyoung breaks it first. “Have a good sleep, then? You don’t need to see me off. Just go in, yeah?” He whispers, and Seongmin feels ticklish. 

“Okay. good night, Taeyoungie.” He nods before bidding a goodbye. Just like what the other said, he does not look back. He opens the door, welcomes himself and closes it in a flash. He sighs when it still feels cold inside. He leans back on the door before closing his eyes.

It feels wrong like this. To not be able to count Taeyoung’s twenty-three steps. To not be able to see the house in between theirs. To not be able to see the tall figure descending right before his eyes.

So Seongmin opens the door. He looks back. And in a split second, he wonders if this would still happen again next time.

If next time, he’d still look back.

When the night breeze greets his gentle eyes , it is not alone. There came with it, a pair of doe eyes with the slight scent of blueberries coming by his nose. Seongmin inhales sharply in shock, and the taller one does too.

“Do you-”

“Can i-”

They spoke simultaneously, and they also stopped at the same time. Seongmin lets out a chuckle, and Taeyoung does too.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Sure, you can.”

Their words echo, and it came in ringing in their ears with their soft giggles. They share one mind, and they know exactly what the other is thinking.

So they spend it together, between four pink walls, under the lopsided fort.

`

They are both seventeen the night after the Christmas Ball, and Seongmin wishes the night would just end like that.

Seongmin doesn’t question it when Taeyoung goes to his bathroom immediately when they arrive. He doesn’t question when he even brought his bag with him inside. He wishes he does, though. Although he wonders if anything would have changed if he asked.

The room is cold, but the warmth coming from the blanket over them and their squished position is more than enough to keep Seongmin comfortable. He closes his eyes, forcing himself to go to sleep as it is already late at night, but he couldn’t. His mind betrays him as it involuntarily looks back to the words Minhee said a few hours ago.

“You, Ahn Seongmin, have a crush on your best friend. Wait- not a crush. You are in love with him! You fancy him! You are head over damn heels for Taeyoung!”

It can’t be, right? It shouldn’t be like that.

Nothing has changed. It’s the same cold hand he’s used to hold when he was a kid. It’s the same blueberry scent he has known from the very beginning. It’s still the same doe eyes forming into crescents when they smile, the same dimples poking out of plump cheeks. It’s the same twenty three steps, the same house away from his. The same voice, the same boy.

Nothing has changed, so nothing in Seongmin should change too, right?

But he wonders..

Why he feels incomplete without the same cold hand in his and it feels even colder without it.. Why the same blueberry scent he has known since the beginning is becoming a fuel, the cause of the ignition when he feels like burning. Why the same doe eyes forming into crescents are now even brighter than the moon would ever be. Why the same dimples poking out of plump cheeks are now blackholes, pulling him in deeper into somewhere he does not know how to escape.

Why the same voice, the same boy, make him feel different now?

He really can’t get any sleep for the night.

It bothers him so much.

And it does not help when he remembers the glitters on Taeyoung’s lips a few moments ago.

The doll-faced boy also had glitters on his lips even before Taeyoung did.

So it sinks, with his heart, it drops. It makes sense.

He doesn’t want to think about it anymore, since it’s not his narrative to begin with.

He sighs deep, until his throat dries. He swallows, and it sinks , it sinks in deep within him. He feels movement behind him.

He doesn’t want to look. Not like this. When his mind is astray, when he’s in utmost confusion. 

But again, it bothers him, so he looks back and he sees doe eyes slightly opened. Light breathing touching his face. Seongmin tries to muffle the pounding in his chest.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks, softly whispering the words in a slow manner.

Taeyoung does not answer, and Seongmin’s eyebrows arches. He’s sure he is awake. He is sure of it because his slightly opened eyes are staring into his. 

He does not answer, so Seongmin asks again. Closer, even closer than before. Breath on skin. 

“Are you having a hard time sleeping again?” He carefully asks again, and he reckons he wouldn’t ask again if he does not answer for the reason that maybe he’s already at least sleepy enough to answer.

Instead of answering, Taeyoung smiles. Seongmin’s heart softens with the crescent eyes.

“Seongminnie…….” Taeyoung drags his voice.

“Yeah?” 

“Seongminnie..” He utters once again.

“What’s going on with y-” Seongmin stops midway upon remembering bits and pieces of his memory back then. Taeyoung was once like this, and it was because of his medication. He randomly woke up and spoke nonsense. It was a normal effect.

But.. his medication has been stopped since months ago.

The bathroom. His bag.

It dawns into him.

He breathes in sharply. “Hey, weren’t you already done with your pills? Why….” he trails off his voice of concern when he sees him still smiling from ear to ear. He sighs before continuing, “ What happened to you that you drank it again…”

His eyes warrys in concern. Seongmin looks at him softly with his gentle eyes as he buries the pestering he had in him a few seconds ago. 

“Seongminnie.” Taeyoung says, but it does not falter. It was rather a statement of declaration. His eyes are still half closed.

“Yeah? Everything okay?” Seongmin voices out, the worrying lingering in him quickly.

A soft giggle comes out of Taeyoung’s mouth before he utters the words Seongmin thinks he misheard.

“Pretty..” 

The air stills and Seongmin pauses with it. He does not say anything, but his heart skips a beat. His face started to flush in a way that he feels his cheeks burning.

The room is cold, but he ignites because of the boy beside him.

“Go to sleep, Taeyoungie.” He decides to brush it off knowing it wouldn’t come off sooner or later. He feels the grip on his hand tighten and Taeyoung’s eyes flutter.

“You’re pretty, Minnie…” There he knew he didn’t hear the first one by mistake. It’s a first, and Seongmin’s heart races even more.

The room is dim and the moonlight from their window is the only one serving them vision. The moonlight is faint, but what Seongmin is feeling now is far from that. He drags the tip of his tongue against the back of his teeth.

Taeyoung closes his eyes, and leans. He leans in, closer, and closer until their breaths are on each others’ faces even more. Until their noses are touching. Until their lips meet.

Seongmin breathes in sharply, his eyes growing bigger with every second passing by. He does not kiss back, hell he couldn’t think straight. Taeyoung’s lips sit on his, and it moves slightly. He couldn’t deny the sugary and burnt taste on his mouth. It’s sweet and it melts. 

It’s indeed not a short one or a peck. It lasts fairly long, and Seongmin could not breathe the whole time. He does not think of anything, but he does not back off too. He stays still because he couldn’t handle the shivers his body is doing. He lets Taeyoung’s lips settle on his own, because of reasons he himself does not know.

Taeyoung breaks it first and he knocks his forehead against Seongmin’s. He’s left frozen, even colder than before. He sees Taeyoung’s half lidded eyes finally closing completely, and he sighs in relief.

He sighs, but his chest does not stop pounding. 

He stares at his long and beautiful eyelashes, his calm face and brown hair. Seongmin unknowingly bites his lower lip, and he tastes sugar. It is sweet, and it melts.

Seongmin has always been oblivious even with Minhee’s words. He couldn’t have a clear answer. It burns within, but he does not know the reason.

But now, he sees it. It’s right in front of him and it smells like blueberries.

Taeyoung kissed Seongmin when they were both seventeen.

And the night continues.

`

It’s the next day, and the night comes by in a flash.

The day came by too fast with Seongmin just at home doing nothing as it’s already their school break. He tries to forget about it. To forget about what happened the night before. The night before, at the same exact place he was the whole day.

He tries to forget about it, but it does not help when the very back of his teeth tastes sweet. It tastes like sugar on the tip of his tongue, it melts. 

And it definitely does not help when Taeyoung is just by his side and their hands are brushing against each other, aching to touch. It’s a crisp night, just like last night at the balcony with loud music booming from the inside, but Seongmin’s mind is stuck in his bedroom under a fort.

They walk through their neighborhood, a place that they have known from the back of their minds. Seongmin tastes sugar, and he smells blueberries. It brushes past his nose, and it’s a fuel of his blazing chest.

His mind travels further back to MInhee’s words. It plays repeatedly in his head.

Maybe he does. He admits it.

His heart is in his stomach, and he can feel it thumping from there. Seongmin looks at his side, and he sees doe eyes filled with shimmer, shining on its own, without any help from any light surrounding them. If there were stars, Seongmin wouldn’t even notice them. It’s nice, it’s bright like this. Right there, it’s already bright because Taeyoung shines.

Maybe he does have a crush on his best friend.

Or maybe more than that.

One thing is for sure. Seongmin does not exactly know what it is. He has never felt like this before. 

It tickles, and his chest feels funny. It is blazing, and it is hot, but one touch, a small brush of cold fingertips on his hand is enough to balance everything out.

Taeyoung looks even perfect tonight. He has always been, hell he has always been. But tonight, his eyes are louder. It is speaking to Seongmin. So his mind travels back to last night.

He wonders if Taeyoung feels the same.

They sit down Seongmin’s front porch. It is wide, but they’re stuck together at the side, their shoulders are brushing, the friction is making him shudder.

Seongmin lets out a shaky breath. He’s gonna go insane any moment now, and he thanks Taeyoung for breaking the ice on his behalf.

“Seongminnie..” It comes out of his lips, just like any other time before, but it comes in Seongmin’s ears differently. It tickles.

He hums in response, letting him continue to speak.

“The year is almost ending..”

Seongmin nods, he’s quiet and the night is also silent. Every second passing by, he tastes sugar from the back of his tongue.

“We’re turning eighteen next year, Seongminnie.” He whispers, cold breath against the cold breeze. 

“ You are turning eighteen in a month, Taeyoungie. Time flies so fast.” Seongmin lets it out of his mouth.

“Yeah…. Time really flies fast.” Taeyoung replies and he looks at Seongmin, head tilting to take a better look at him.

Seongmin does not know what’s ahead of him because he looks. He turned his head to his side, and he did not know Taeyoung was near him. Their faces are only a few inches apart, and his mind goes back once again last night. 

Doe eyes, warm breath, lips resting on his own.

“Seongminnie..”

“Yeah?”

“You know the game we’ve been practicing for, yeah?” 

Seongmin nods his head, “Yeah. What about it?”

Taeyoung does not talk right away. He hesitates and Seongmin notices. “What is it? Tell me. Taeyoungie. It’s okay. ”

He stares at him, and the taller does the same too. Seongmin fights every fiber in his body not to look lower, and lower from the doe eyes before him. 

“It’s on my birthday and you know there’s a chance we’ll win..” He trails off, but Seongmin takes it willingly almost quickly. He nods, his eyes are bright.

“That’s a good thing, right? We can celebrate two special occasions in one day!” He says enthusiastically, but Taeyoung does not do the same. His face remains blank, the spark in his eyes is slowly fading.

Seongmin notices, because he has always been looking. “Why? What’s wrong?” He says, and he grabs a hold of the cold hands in front of him.

“Some representatives from a university in Seoul are coming there and…” Taeyoung drags, he swallows the lump in his throat before continuing. “And if we win, they’re scouting the whole team.”

The air becomes still. Seongmin understands. Of course he does. He knows it more than anyone else. 

“That’s great! Isn’t that your dream since you were little?” Seongmin says with a bright tone, but his grip on his hands are getting tighter.

“Yeah but… That means I’m leaving you ..” Taeyoung says and he meets Seongmin’s stare once again, and his doe eyes are confusing Seongmin.

No one spoke, the night is still silent, and it’s just Seongmin’s heart that is loud. 

Taeyoung speaks furthermore, “Should i not go? Should I just reject their offer if ever we win? Or should I just do bad in the game so we won’t be scouted?” He rambles, but he means it.

Seongmin playfully slaps the back of the cold hands he is holding. He smiles, and he buries it deep in him.

This is not about you, he whispers to himself. 

“Dummy! You should go! We can still meet from time to time. Seoul is just… several hundreds of kilometers. It won’t be a hindrance to our friendship.” 

“But-”

“No buts! I’ll take it that you treat our friendship as something small because you are doubting it now.” Seongmin says. he does it on purpose because he knows Taeyoung has always wanted this. This is his dream, his dream is in Seoul, and not here.

Taeyoung just looks at him and Seongmin feels he’s getting sucked in his orbs. 

He continues, “Also if you’re going to do purposely bad then i will consider you as my ex-best friend.” Seongmin blabbers, and Taeyoung smiles at it.

“No, you won’t.”

“You can’t say that.”

Taeyoung holds his hands tighter, “You can’t. I am literally bestest best friend in the whole world. You can’t get rid of me even if you want to.” 

Seongmin feels cold against his warm hands, but he rather feels burning. “What if i really want to?”

Taeyoung pauses, thinks for a while before answering.

“You still can’t. I won’t let you. You can’t get rid of me under any circumstance.”

Seongmin tastes it on the back of his teeth. He tastes sugar and it tastes even sweeter. He wants to say it, but he’s stuck on Taeyoung’s gaze. It’s like two blackholes, and he can’t go away even if he wants to get out. 

He breathes in.

“Hey-”

“Seongminnie.” Taeyoung speaks first, so Seongmin holds himself back again . He hums, and his voice shudders.

“Did you enjoy the ball last night?” Taeyoung does not change the topic, because there is nothing to begin with. Yet Seongmin feels like it.

But he nods, “Yeah, I did.”

“That’s great. That’s great.” 

“Yeah.”

Taeyoung is the first one to look away. He stares at the stars in front of them and Seongmin does the same. He did not notice there were actually stars tonight.

“Was Minhee a good date?” it sounds pushy, and Seongmin feels it.

He answers mindlessly, “I guess.”

“Did you dance?”

Seongmin nods and bites his lower lip. The sweet taste in his mouth is starting to taste too sweet.

No one talks, so Seongmin breaks it before he does.

“How about you? Did you enjoy it?” He lets it out, because it has been sitting on the back of his mind even before what happened last night. 

He sees it. Seongmin sees in his peripheral vision how Taeyoung smiles for a split second. His deep dimples poking out of his cheeks.

“It was great. I had a good time, Seongminnie.” 

“Really? How?” Seongmin knows what is bound to happen, but he still asks. The back of his teeth tastes bitter now. It does not melt, but it pierces right through him.

Seongmin tries to forget the glitters on Taeyoung’s lips.

He does not look at him, he can’t handle it. 

“I… I kissed Hyeongjun…” He trails off, and Seongmin breaks inside. 

“Minnie, I kissed him. I kissed Hyeongjun!” Taeyoung almost screams but he muffles it under his breath because the night is already silent.

Seongmin could only smile. Because there is nothing else to say, yet too much to let out of his mouth.

“What did it feel like?” 

“I honestly could not remember it. But…”

He sees him looking at him, and Seongmin knows he should look back. He should, but he can’t. His eyes can’t take it. For the first time, the very familiar crescent eyes are something he could not handle.

But he still does. He looks back, and he does not miss the tiny glimmer in those doe eyes. 

“...he kissed back. He kissed me back, Seongminnie.” 

Oh. he blinks, and his stomach drops.

“Of course… he.. He’s obviously in love with you.”

“You think so?” Taeyoung asks swiftly.

Seongmin nods when he feels his throat starting to hurt. He knows he’ll be done for if he speaks about the topic.

So he changes it, but not completely. He wants to prove something. Something he knows is not worth proving.

“Taeyoung.” He utters as he looks straight at him.

“Yeah?” He responds, and his attention is on him fully.

Seongmin hesitates but he lets it out.

It is now or never.

“Last night…”

“Yeah?”

“Not at the ball… Like.. Last night in my room.”

Taeyoung’s eyes shift, and Seongmin catches it. Could it be…

“About that..” Taeyoung drags, and Seongmin feels like drowning.

“Yeah?” Seongmin responds, hopeful. Desperate.

“I’m sorry about that.. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

The look in Taeyoung’s eyes are genuine but his expression is blank. He says it with stress and Seongmin felt the seriousness from it. It’s as if nothing from what happened is important to him.

“Okay.” Seongmin replies shortly. He swallows everything again, deep within like where it was originally at. Where it should be at.

“Okay.” Taeyoung says, and he brushes it past his shoulder.

The night is silent, but Seongmin is loud inside. He does not like this, especially when he’s feeling his eyes dry out.

Taeyoung is his best friend. Of course the kiss would not mean anything for him. He apologized, meaning he’s sorry about it. And it won’t happen again.

Besides, he even kissed Hyeongjun. He talked about it, and his doe eyes were bright.

Seongmin hates himself for having a small hope within him.

“I didn’t know Minhee lives in our neighborhood.” Seongmin hears Taeyoung say.

“Yeah.. he does.” He answers absentmindedly. Because he’s trying his best to make his mind go away from last night.

Minhee is walking just across the road while holding a paper bag in his hand.

“Do you want to go to him?” Taeyoung asks, and Seongmin breaks even more. 

Seongmin looks at Taeyoung and he regrets every single thing that made him do so.

“Why?” He asks, and his breath shakes.

“You should. You obviously like him.”

Seongmin bites his lips even harder until he tastes blood. He can’t do this, not right here. Not in front of his best friend.

“Okay.”

He does not look back. He walks, and walks, and he does not spare a look around him. All he knows is the wind blowing in his face is cold, and his tears are falling along with it. 

“Seongmin?” 

He hears, and he knows whose voice it is. He had heard of it before, so he did not need to look up to meet the angelic eyes for him to know. Strawberry scent brushes by his nose.

“Hey, I just came from the convenience store to buy chips. Why are you out? It’s already late.” 

Seongmin does not answer. He does not dare to. He hears steps approaching him, and stopping just before him.

“Hey, are you crying?”

Seongmin shakes his head, although the answer is already clear. Minhee reads him like an open book, so he knows he’s lying.

“Hey..” Minhee says once again before hearing a muffled cry from the smaller, quiet sniffing and quick wiping on his own cheeks.

“Hey, it’s okay,” The taller whispers before engulfing him in an embrace. 

Minhee feels rather warm. Not like the comforting cold Seongmin knows. But it’s enough. Of course it is enough. He feels Minhee’s heart breathing on his chest and it’s such a comforting thing to feel. It’s not as fast as his, it’s steady, and Seongmin is glad.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what the reason is but I’m sorry, yeah? It’s my fault.” Minhee says while rubbing Seongmin’s back. The smaller one tries to swallow his cries, but he fails. So he buries his head on Minhee’s chest.

“I’m sorry.. Please don’t cry, Seongmin.” 

He heard it loud and clear, but he could not do it.

‘This is not about you, Seongmin.’ He whispers to himself, shaky breath against the stillness of the air.

He is seventeen, had his first kiss with his best friend, but it meant nothing.

`

Time flies too fast, and the next thing they know, it’s already the year 2021. It’s almost the end of their senior years, the most dreaded part of their entire life at seventeen. They are seventeen, and they are turning eighteen this year.

They say, time flies fast when you’re with the one you love, and Seongmin would have agreed with it. It's true, he has spent the margin in between with the person he has already admitted he’s in love with, atleast to himself. He has admitted it to himself, so time flies too slow for him, especially when he’s carrying something too heavy with him.

Time flies too slow for Seongmin, because he’s still stuck at the night of the Christmas ball, and the back of his teeth still tastes like sugar.

It is not easy. He should have known about it, he might have stopped himself back when he could still do it. Back when he could at least halt and think about everything, and not when it has already gone downhill, and his heart burns too hot already for him to cool it down himself.

Time flies too slow for him, but Taeyoung’s birthday is near, so he momentarily skips to fasten his pace.

School has been very difficult for them, a good way to start the year is what everyone would say sarcastically to cope up with it. Especially for Taeyoung who’s not only a student but also an athlete. His schedule is jammed packed, and not only his brain is working but his physical strength and endurance are tested in their never-ending training.

Taeyoung starts his 18 wishes with a wish that travels long back.

They’re in front of a dog cafe that is near the school. A few familiar steps they have known, it’s not as familiar as twenty-three, but it’s familiar to the point that they can close their eyes and still won’t get lost.

Seongmin thinks about it a lot. Everything, he thinks about everything a lot. Every familiarity in existence has grown into something more special than it already was. These, the rough hand in his, the blueberry scent brushing past his nose, the doe eyes he’s used to stare at. It’s there, it has always been there, but it carves in Seongmin’s chest like a hot metal iron pressed against him.

He tries not to put meaning into it, though. He knows it’s not his to think about anymore.

Taeyoung opens the door in pure glee, and Seongmin can see it in his eyes. They’ve been bright, and he likes it when it is. Something he’d look at for the rest of his life. Just like this, Taeyoung, and his allusive eyes, speaking on his behalf.

“Serim hyung I’m back!” Taeyoung says in a loud way, his voice is echoing around the whole shop. A pair of deep orbs greet them both, and it's bright, but nothing shines brighter than the doe ones. 

“Taeyoung, Seongmin! It’s been a while, yeah?” The oldest among them three say as he greets the both of them with a striking smile. 

“Yeah, really it has been a while.” Taeyoung says as he walks to the counter where Serim is at, the smaller following him from behind.

“Your training has really gotten your time. I’m glad the both of you had found time to visit again. I hope your hardwork will be paid off. Go get that scholarship!” Serim enthusiastically says as he gestures a ‘fighting’ gesture with his hand.

And Seongmin remembers again. He knows Taeyoung is capable of doing it. He knows he is, of course he can. He’s Taeyoung after all. His chest feels tight just by the thought of being separated with him.

But again, he keeps it in. of course, he needs to.

This is not about him anyway.

“Thank you, hyung. Where’s poong by the way?” 

“Poong is right over the corner. That’s where she’s always at.” Serim replies with a smile, which Taeyoung replies with the same thing.

His first wish travels way back to his 7th birthday.

“Buy you a rose, eat two tubs of ice cream tomorrow, adopt a pomeranian and name it Poong…. You want to sleep over here for the night?” 

Seongmin remembers it loud and clear, as if everything just happened yesterday. 

Poong is a pomeranian they both adopted when they were seven. They raised her together for a few months, but just until Taeyoung had an allergy with her fur. Seongmin still remembers it vividly, how Taeyoung threw a fit when his parents had the dog sent to his cousin. The short amount of time they spent was something the seven year old kid treasured a lot, and saying goodbye was something he’s not fond of.

Poong grew up there in the dog cafe where Serim, who is Taeyoung’s cousin, has been taking care of her. Ten years have passed, and the dog has also aged. Poong has grown weak, and has not been running around like she used to before.

“My first wish is to go and visit Poong with you.” Taeyoung whispers as he swings his legs, the soles of his sneakers slightly grazing the grass underneath.

“Yeah, sure. I miss her a lot too.” Seongmin replies in an instant, without any doubt in sight.

Seongmin’s eyes follow Taeyoung who is now sitting in front of the white pomeranian. The taller coos as he strokes the dog’s fur in a gentle manner. Seongmin follows him a few seconds after, and he sits just right by his side.

“Hello, Poong. Did you miss me?” Taeyoung asks, as he continues to rub her face. 

Seongmin can see it. How Taeyoung’s eyes are glistening against the bright light the cafe had to offer. Taeyoung has always been the very bright, jubilant and all smiley kid everyone knows, but underneath everything, Seongmin has seen his raw state. And he has always known this side of him. The sentimental side Taeyoung is afraid to show everyone, other than him.

“You really missed her a lot, yeah?”

Seongmin chuckles quietly before doing the same. He purrs the dog’s soft fur, and the scent caresses past him. He pauses…. He knows this scent.

“Taeyoungie.. Her scent..” Seongmin trails off in hesitation, but Taeyoung catches it.

“Oh, yeah. I told hyung to use peach scented shampoo on her.” He replies without removing his gaze on the pomeranian.

“Why?” He asks, because something inside of him is telling him to do so.

Taeyoung stops before looking at Seongmin. Their proximity is once again near, and Seongmin’s heart skips a beat.

“Because that’s the scent that I like a lot. You use that, and I want to be reminded of you and how you’re the reason why I met her.” Taeyoung lets it slip past his mouth. Easily, because he can. Easily, because his insides don’t feel like burning, unlike Seongmin.

Taeyoung then smiles, because he can. His dimples are slightly poking out of his cheeks, and his doe eyes are slightly forming into crescents. He smiles, and Seongmin feels suffocated. It shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t feel like this.

He nods, because he doesn’t have anything to say. Not like this.

So Taeyoung brings his attention back on the white dog in front of him, and within a snap, Seongmin is back to reality. 

His eyes are still on the bright eyes in front of him. Just like that, he has forgotten about the main reason they’re here. Seongmin sees the sleeves of his uniform slightly folding outside. He also sees the string of the strands of his hair slightly poking out from the rest.

He wants to reach out and fix it.

It should be easy to do, but he can’t.

Not like this, not when every subtle contact sends electricity throughout his body.

The afternoon passes by in a flash, and Seongmin further believes that time flies fast when you’re with the person you love.

It’s already dark outside when they stepped out of the shop. Taeyoung stops on his tracks, garnering the attention of the smaller. 

“What’s the matter?”

Taeyougn scratches the back of his head before answering, “I forgot my bag in our room in school… I can actually just get it tomorrow but my phone…”

“Of course, you can’t live with it. It’s okay, we’ll just go back there and sneak in.” Seongmin replies in a nonchalant way, but he means it. Of course he does. He means everything he says when it’s with Taeyoung, because he means everything to him.

“No way. We might get caught. I might live without it for a night.” He says, but his voice is fading. So Seongmin knows what exactly he wants.

With full courage which he does not know where he got it from, he grabs Taeyoung’s hand. The grip is tight, but it fits perfectly. 

“Stop talking and let’s go before the chances of us being caught will go higher.” Seongmin smiles, and the tip of his tongue tastes sugar.

“Okay.” Taeyoung responds with a nod, his loud eyes are reflecting the post light just beside them.

Time flies fast, but the night is still long. So Seongmin tries to spend it steadily.

`

“I kinda regret going here.” Seongmin whispers as he tugs on Taeyoung’s sleeves, hiding his petite figure behind the taller one. His body is not close, even their clothes are not touching. He wouldn’t dare, so he just holds onto the edge of Taeyoung’s uniform to have a sense of security in the dark hallways of their school.

Taeyoung chuckles, and it echoes around the vast area, it swirls around Seongmin’s ears, and it melts. “I clearly told you I can manage without my bag for a night. You were the one who insisted.” 

“That’s because I could see right through you! You obviously wanted to go here!” Seongmin replies as he slightly crouches. Taeyoung could see him pout even in the dimness. 

“This is kinda cool, you know.”

“Cool? If there’s anything cool it’s what I’m feeling right now.” Seongmin blurts out loud, contrary to his shaky breath. He’s scared of the dark, especially when there’s a lot of talks running around the school about these conspiracies and horror episodes people had witnessed before. 

“Then come here.” Taeyoung says too quick for Seongmin to catch, and he pulls the smaller even quicker for him to realize Seongmin is already in between his hold. Seongmin’s shoulders are wrapped with Taeyoung’s left arm, his hand grabbing the very edge of it. 

So Seongmin begs his chest to stop pounding too loud. Just this time.

“Not cold anymore?” Taeyoung asks, and Seongmin nods. He’s not cold anymore. Of course. In fact, he’s not just warm. He’s actually feeling like burning inside. It burns, and his throat feels itchy. He swallows as he tries to compose himself.

“Let’s just hurry up please.” 

So they walk without anyone talking. Everytime there is a sound like a bird randomly chirping or a car honking from the streets, Seongmin jumps in a startling way, and all Taeyoung does is laugh at him.

And hold him even closer, the friction of their shirts increasing every single time.

A few seconds after, they have already arrived at their classroom. Taeyoung did not waste any time entering it and grabbed his bag from his desk. Despite the speed he did, he stops and sits on it, looking through the opened windows in front of him. He heaves a breath.

Seongmin looks, and follows him. He sits on a desk just beside Taeyoung, and he does the same thing; just staring at the nothingness in front of them.

This is such a comforting thing. Just the two of them, no one is speaking, but it is enough. It is more than enough. 

A few minutes of doing nothing, Seongmin gets out of his trance when he hears a chuckle coming from Taeyoung. He looks at his side, just to see the doe eyes gleaming against the moonlight. It is bright outside, but Taeyoung’s eyes are even brighter. It’s such a comforting thing to look at, and Seongmin would gladly die just to look at the picturesque scene.

“Seongminnie..”

His heart skips a beat. “Yeah?”

“I’m gonna miss this.” 

“Miss what?” Seongmin asks, and his eyes are still at him. It’s as if they were glued, or maybe made to just stare at the enchanting orbs. 

“This. This school. It’s actually a nice experience to be here at night. Who knows how many of the students here have done this?”

“There might be, and a lot of them have not been seen after.” Seongmin jokes, right through the cold breeze. 

Taeyoung laughs at it, but it’s more of a laugh of relief. 

“Time flies too fast, yeah? I’m really gonna miss this. A lot,” Taeyoung halts for a while before he looks back at the gentle eyes staring right through him. He reaches for the hand just beside him. The hand is warm, just right for his cold one. He continues, “i’m really gonna miss this.”

Seongmin stares before letting out a shaky breath. “Come on, it’s not like you’re leaving tomorrow. Plus, it’s not yet confirmed a hundred percent that you’re really leaving.”

Seongmin laughs, and Taeyoung does too. Both sound different, but both feeling bitter. Even without the confirmation, it’s already obvious. It’s already obvious where this will go.

But Seongmin surpresses. This is not about you.

This is not about a 7th birthday party. This is not about the 7th wish. This is not about the lopsided fort. This is not about a rogue planet. This is not about the night after the Christmas ball. And it definitely is not about the forsaken kiss.

It’s more like big, round eyes. It’s more like glittered lips. It’s more like a sweet laugh. It’s more like the moon. It is definitely about the wanted kiss.

Plus, they’re leaving together. This just makes sense. Maybe everything is right where it is supposed to be.

“Seongminnie..”

“Yeah?” 

Seongmin wants to break the stare right then and there or else he’ll be doomed. But he could not, not like this. He’s too enchanting, and he’s afraid that if he looks away even for a split second, he’ll get lost from his sight.

Just like before. Not again. At least right now, where everything feels right.

So he looks, and he does not miss the thumb rubbing the back of his hand.

“Together forever, right?” Taeyoung lets it out, and Seongmin heard the shaky breath that came along with his words.

Seongmin nods, a small smile appearing right through his lips. “Of course, Taeyoungie. Together forever. That won’t change.”

He means it, and he wishes it would be the case.

It wasn’t even a moment after Seongmin spoke when they both heard steps gradually getting louder from the hallway. They both turned their heads to the direction, and they saw light coming from what seemingly is a flashlight.

God, it’s the guard probably patrolling every night.

Taeyoung did not waste any second as he grabbed his bag and pulled Seongmin towards the teacher’s table. Seongmin lets him do as he’s too stunned with everything that happened. Just before they heard the door creak, assuming the guard is already looking around their room, they both have hidden well underneath the table.

But their position is not that ideal. Taeyoung is sitting, but Seongmin is lying down at Taeyoung’s lap. They stay like that, because they don’t have any other choice. Seongmin could not help but to stare at the face in front of him. He’s enchanted by how long and perfect his eyelashes were resting just before his eyelids.

Everything is even beautiful up close. It’s unfair. It’s unfair that Taeyoung does not know his effect on him.

When the coast was obviously clear, Seongmin quickly rises up, forgetting about the table over them. He hits his forehead, and he winces sharply in pain. The space is too narrow, so their bodies are even compacted, especially when Seongmin is already sitting.

“Are you okay? Oh no, it must’ve hurt a lot.” Taeyoung says as he touches the space where Seongmin is touching. Seongmin winces even louder by Taeyoung’s touch, so the latter stops, mouthing a silent ‘sorry.’

Seongmin is too caught up with the pain he’s feeling, and he doesn't notice how Taeyoung has his lips puckered, ready to blow his breath against him, in hopes to ease the pain. When he sees this, he stumbles back, and he hits the back of his head against the table once again. 

He hurriedly goes out from there, but his mind once again travels back to the night after the Christmas ball. He closes his eyes, and all he can see are lidded eyes, and a pair of lips going closer on his own.

“Hey, you okay?” He hears a voice beside him, but he does not look back. Not like this.

“Yeah, yeah I’m okay. Let’s just go now, okay?” Seongmin didn’t even look back before he started walking away. He reaches out for the door and slides it open as he lets himself go out of the suffocating place.

He breathes out after taking a few steps. His head is throbbing, partly because of the impact, but mostly because of the train of thoughts beaming in his mind.

“Seongminnie, wait up!” Taeyoung grabs his wrist, and Seongmin fights every living fiber in his body to not swat his hand away. 

Taeyoung continues, “Why are you in a hurry? Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“I’m just a little tired. Let’s just go home, please?” It was obvious that he’s pleading, and that he really wants to get out of this place in an instant. Taeyoung senses it, of course he does. 

“Okay.”

“Okay.” 

“Don’t walk too fast, though. Unless you want to be lost in this dark and scary place.” Taeyoung jokes to lighten up the seemingly heavy atmosphere. Seongmin sneers at him.

“Yeah, right. I almost forgot I am afraid of the dark. Probably almost lost a fragment of my memory after what happened back there.” He says back.

Taeyoung laughs and he reaches for Seongmin’s shoulder. He puts his arm around him, and their proximity between them is like before. Seongmin feels just right. He begs for the night to not end.

But it has to, eventually. The night is silent, only the sound of nature coming in and out of their ears.

Taeyoung’s bag is hanging on his shoulder, but his phone vibrates inside the pocket of his pants. He side eyes Seongmin.

The smaller one does not notice it.

`

“Are you nervous?” 

“No, why would I be?” 

It’s funny how Taeyoung immediately said those words right after Seongmin asked. It’s as if he had it prepared long back. And it’s ironic, because anyone who’ll look at him would definitely sense he’s nothing but nervous.

His habit of shaking his legs when he’s agitated is evident from Seongmin’s point of view. Despite Taeyoung’s denial, Seongmin is still convinced that he’s lying. Even just with his eyes, Seongmin knows. 

A few men in suits entered the gymnasium, and all eyes were on them. Seongmin looks back at Taeyoung, and just before he knew it, the former lightly slams his head against the smaller one’s chest. Seongmin sat still, too stunned by his actions.

“God I’m gonna die. I’m really gonna die.. God…” Taeyoung whispers at a fast pace, and his words alone are enough for Seongmin to know he’s already admitted his assumptions a few moments ago. He continuously hits his head against Seongmin’s chest.

He lets out a laugh, but he curses himself internally for feeling funny inside. “I thought you weren’t nervous?” He asks. Taeyoung stops, he stills, before he lifts his head up, taking a good look at his best friend.

“You seem to be more nervous than me though?”

“Huh?” Seongmin asks as he tilts his head in confusion. Right then and there, Taeyoung puts his hand on Seongmin’s chest, the latter slightly getting startled by his sudden action. Seongmin looks at it, and his eyes trail towards the doe eyes in front of him.

Taeyoung bites his tongue out from the side of his plumped lips, his soft dimple poking out from his cheeks in concentration. Seongmin is dumbfounded, and his chest is not helping at all. It continues to gradually grow haste, and it’s exactly the time his feelings sink in.

“See? I can feel your heartbeat. It’s so fast.. You’re probably more anxious than me.” Taeyoung says with a smile as his eyes look back at the gentle ones in front of him. 

No, Taeyoung’s not gonna die. It’s Seongmin who’s digging his grave right now.

A blow of a whistle was heard, and it filled the whole gym. Both snapped out from the trance, and Taeyoung removed his hand from the fabric separating his touch directly from Seongmin. 

“Well,” Taeyoung says before he looks back at Seongmin. He continues, “I should go now. We’re gonna warm up and the game will start a few minutes after.”

Seongmin blinks a few times. “Okay.”

“Wish me luck. Pray that we will win.” Taeyoung conveys as he stands up from his seat. 

“You better win. Or else I’ll pretend I don’t know a Taeyoung.” Seongmin snarls.

“You would never.” Taeyoung says one last time with a radiant smile, before walking away from him.

Seongmin finally heaves a sigh.

A few minutes have passed, and the game is about to start. Seongmin would be lying if he would say he’s not feeling restless at the moment. Of course, this is Taeyoung’s dream ever since he was a kid. Seongmin has listened to all of his stories and dreams every night about being able to become a professional basketball player when he grows up. This game is a step closer to his desire, and Seongmin wants nothing but success for him.

Besides, Taeyoung’s dream is his too. They share as one.

But, the aftermath can’t help but to bother him. Just by the thought of him being separated with him is already killing him inside. It won’t be twenty-three steps away. It won’t be a house away from his. It’ll be more, and Seongmin would not even dare to think about it furthermore.

“It’s okay. It’s fine.” He whispers to himself, fidgeting his fingers and creasing his pants in the process.

It’s just a wish.

The seventh wish on his seventh birthday.

It won’t matter soon. The world is wide, and life is just around the corner.

There are more things to come. More things to seize. This is just a chapter of his life.

This is just a phase.

He’s just a boy.

It’s just a small crush.

It will go away eventually.

Especially when fate has given him a chance to grow far.

It’s destiny working for him. Maybe it’s on his side this time around.

This is not about him anyway.

A presence fills his side as he turns his head towards the direction. There sat a boy he knew. Angelic eyes, soft features, faint freckles, and strawberry scent.

A delicate smile. Seongmin takes it.

“Hey.” Seongmin utters first, a smile appearing from his lips.

“Hey.” Minhee responds, angelic eyes are sincere.

Minhee brings his hands up, and a bouquet of red roses is seen from his grip. He continues, “Here’s the bouquet you asked me to hide.” He says, before handing it to Seongmin, the latter accepts it, uttering a small thank you.

“Seongminnie, I have thought of my 15th wish.” Taeyoung says as he fiddles with the edge of the blanket covering them both. 

“What is it?” Seongmin asks, eyes still on the laptop playing the movie they both know. 

“On my birthday, give me a bouquet of flowers. Eighteen roses to be exact, just so it’ll match.” He utters in a soft voice, and it echoes in Seongmin’s ears.

“Yeah, sure.” Seongmin answers, uttering no other words afterwards as they continue to have their full attention on the screen.

Seongmin sniffed the bouquet, and the aroma went around his nose. It smells really good, and the beauty should not be left out. It is very eye-catching, and Seongmin understands why his best friend is obsessed with these.

“Thank you, Minhee.” He lets it out from his lips, and Minhee takes it with a smile.

The game happened in a smooth way just like how everybody has expected. It’s not like it did not exceed Seongmin’s expectation. It’s just that he already knew their school’s team would do well, especially when they have Taeyoung as their captain.

The gap of both of the team’s scores was fairly big. It’s not like those typical movies and stories everyone has read at least once wherein the protagonist scores a last throw on the very last minute which led their team into winning. It’s just like Taeyoung, and he is one of a kind. Someone incomparable to any protagonists in existence.

Besides, Seongmin knows this is not his story to tell. It obviously won’t end like those in the movies. It’s not like they will end up being together. It’s not a happy ending for them.

He bites his lower lip as he looks at the current situation. Ten seconds in the clock and he sees Hyeongjun passing the ball to Taeyoung. Then the latter shoots it, just in time before the time runs out. So they won with a big gap.

Or maybe it’s the opposite of what Seongmin thought. Maybe it’s just like the typical stories he read before wherein both of the protagonists became the reason for their success. Just like how Hyeongjun passed the ball to Taeyoung which led them into winning. It’s picture perfect, just like a page ripped off from a famous novel.

He sighs.

Again, it’s not his story to tell. There might be a happy ending, but it’s not his.

Cheers filled the whole gymnasium and almost everyone came in the middle of the court to give the players congratulations. Seongmin just stood there in place, staring at everything unfolding.

Just before he knew it, Taeyoung and Hyeongjun were pushed in front by the people and everyone started cheering even louder than before. 

“We’ll take a photo of you both!”

“Come on! Get closer!”

Seongmin stares. He observes. Not because he wants to, but because he involuntarily just did.

Even from afar, he can see how Taeyoung’s face grew red. And Hyeongjun was no different. 

He gulps a lump in his throat. A pair of angelic eyes look at him, but he does not notice.

“Move closer!” Someone said in a loud voice. So Taeyoung puts his arm around Hyeongjun’s waist, the latter clearly startled by it.

Seongmin’s heart falls in his stomach.

“That’s it! Now smile! Don’t pretend as if nothing is going on betw-”

“Hey Seongmin.” 

He snaps out from his trance when he hears a voice coming from his side. He looks back.

“Yeah?” 

“Should we go down now? Give that to him. I also need to talk to Hyeongjun.” Minhee suggests, and Seongmin nods his head in response. He walks down from their seats first, followed by the taller one on his back.

Minhee stops in his tracks, looking at the figure walking in front of him, eyes moving on the bouquet he’s holding. He heaves a sigh.

He follows him again, no words were let out from his mouth.

Fortunately, the scene had already calmed down when they arrived there. Seongmin sighs in relief when he sees Minhee go first to Hyeongjun, separating him from the one he’s ought to approach. Seongmin breathes in, letting out a shaky one afterwards before he walks towards the doe eyes he has known of since the beginning.

“Taeyoungie...” He says and his voice is soft in hesitation. But the other hears it anyway.

Doe eyes stared back at him, and it shined even among the many people there surrounding them. 

“Hey.” Taeyoung says in glee, his voice is beaming with radiance. It’s such a sight to see.

“You did well, as expected. Congratulations…. And happy birthday” Seongmin says before he completely halts a meter away from him.

“Thank you, Minnie…” He trails off when his eyes get caught by what Seongmin is holding. “That is…”

Seongmin’s eyes grew big momentarily as he remembers. He brings the bouquet in front of him. “Here. Your fifteenth wish.”

Taeyoung’s eyes were already bright before, but it gleamed even more by the sight of the big bouquet in front of him. He happily grabs it from the smaller’s grip, their skins momentarily making contact, not enough for the taller to notice, but just enough for the smaller to ponder upon.

“Thank you. It looks beautiful.” Taeyoung smiles, his doe eyes turning into crescents. Seongmin gives him a slight nod.

Seongmin does not notice it. He does not notice how Taeyoung’s eyes sparked for a small while. And he also does not notice that the taller boy took a step to get closer to him, his arms aching to give him a hug as if they don’t do it a lot.

Seongmin does not notice those, because he sees the doll-faced kid from behind.

“Taeyoung! Coach called us to go and change clothes because the people from the university will talk to us. Come on.”

Taeyoung slowly brings his hand down. “Okay.”

He gives Seongmin one last look before he walks away. 

Just like that, he sees them again together. Just like the Christmas ball, he’s looking at them from afar. They’re too out of his reach. They look good together.

“Seongmin?” 

He doesn’t notice.

“Hey, Seongmin? You okay?”

The same thing. He does not notice. 

“Hey…” He feels a warm touch on his hand. He looks at Minhee.

“Oh hey, you said something?”

Minhee pauses briefly before shaking his head. Seongmin nods his head.

“Minhee…”

“Yeah?”

“They look good together, right?”

It was silent. It’s not something Minhee can answer. It definitely shouldn’t be something he answers.

So Seongmin changes the topic. “It’s confirmed now. He’s leaving. They are leaving.”

Minhee doesn’t answer, but he listens. He listens attentively, and he notices every brush their hands make once in a while.

“It’s fine. It’s okay. It might be something that’ll help me forget, yeah?” Seongmin asks, a bit too desperate for an affirmative answer. He looks straight at Minhee, and the latter does not miss how Seongmin’s eyes cloud.

So he nods, because he knows it’s something he wants to see. 

Seongmin bitterly smiles, a bit too honest because Minhee sees right through him. “How about you? Where will you go for college?” He asks.

“I’m staying here.” Minhee says, looking back at the empty court in front of them.

“For real? Me too. I guess you’re stuck with me?” Seongmin jokes, a genuine laugh following his words. 

Minhee gives a beaming smile as he looks back at him. “Yeah. I guess I’m stuck with you.” He lets his hand brush against Seongmin’s. Aching to touch. Away, there’s a space in between, because he knows it’ll ache more if he does it.

Seongmin smiles in response, the gummy one Minhee liked seeing. And the air completely shifts.

Minhee stays by his side, as always, like any other circumstance before.

And just like anything that had happened before, Seongmin’s mind travels back to that night. He tastes sugar from the back of his teeth.

It is, once again, the night that never ends.

`

It’s not about him, but Seongmin still aches from within. 

It is heart-rending just how fast time goes by. Just with a move, one step, a breath sucked in, a secret kept in, it’s already the night before the departure of Taeyoung. Graduation passed by in a blink of an eye, and now it’s almost the time to say goodbye. Seongmin had always dreaded this, but here he is, pretending everything is okay. Under a lanky fort, next to the kid he has grown up with, hand in hand, warm against cold.

Taeyoung had always been vocal about this day, but as every day passed by, he grew silent and empathetic of everything. They both did not talk about it, it has been a whole period of silence because neither of them knew how to talk about it. 

It’s at the very edge of their tongues, one word, seven letters, but they don’t let it pass their lips. It’s a simple word, but they’re both not brave to let it go. 

It’s how Taeyoung wants his 16th wish to be spent; a night together, under the fort, doing the things they have done before.

So they’re in between four pink walls, just like a decade ago. The same movie, again and again.

The same boy, again and again. 

He’s tired of putting on an act. Pretending that he’s okay. Pretending that it doesn’t kill him inside. Pretending the taste of sugar in his mouth does not hurt him. He is tired of pretending that it does not affect him like the first few days after it happened.

In fact, as it stretches, he burns even more. 

He is tired of acting as if every single thing that happened that night is not engraved in his mind.

He is tired of pretending that kiss didn’t mean anything.

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

He’s been pretending Taeyoung’s words don’t sting.

But even if he’s tired, he doesn’t let it show. Not like this. Not if Taeyoung clearly has someone else in his heart.

Not if Taeyoung obviously has a kiss that he thinks about on his own. A different pair of lips, not a forsaken one.

A kiss at the Christmas ball, and not anything after that.

It doesn’t matter anyways, because Taeyoung is leaving tomorrow.

“Seongminnie…” Taeyoung speaks over the movie. His breath is shaking.

“Yeah?”

“Nothing…”

Seongmin turns his head towards him, a confused face covering the scared one beneath. 

“Have you packed everything?” Seongmin asks in between the void when he sees Taeyoung hesitate to let out what he has inside.

Taeyoung nods, “yeah. I have.”

“Go home. Check it again.”

“Are you kicking me out of your house?” Taeyoung asks, a soft giggle escaping from his lips. Something that encircles in Seongmin’s ears. 

Seongmin rolls his eyes, “Just check it again first in the morning before you…” He trails off.

He sees Taeyoung pursing his lips into a straight line before he speaks. 

“I have already checked it a dozen times. Don’t worry, I won’t leave anything behind.”

“But you’re leaving me.” Seongmin wants to say. He’s itching. But he conceals it.

Instead he says, “okay.” 

“If ever I do, I can still go back here and get it.” Taeyoung jokes.

“When you do, I won’t be welcoming you back.”

Taeyoung laughs, a sweet one. Just like the night of the Christmas ball, it tastes like sugar. And Seongmin knows deep within that it’ll turn bitter in a blink of an eye.

It’s silent once again, just the dialogues of the movie filling in the silence between them. Still, it’s something soothing, something they have grown with. Something they have been used to, and something they’ll have to say goodbye to.

It’s inevitable. This is life, and they have just spent barely half of it. It’s around the corner, and it’s unavoidable that someone has to leave sooner or later.

“Are you going to say anything to me?” One question. Too easy to answer. It should be. But Seongmin just stares, words kept in even deeper than they were before. 

That one question had triggered everything Seongmin has been dreading. He’s tired of attempting to make the very first step to forget and move on. He’s always back to zero. Always back to the night after the Christmas ball, the kiss, the sweet sugar he tasted from the pair on his.

He can still feel the soft breath on his lips. He shivers, but he burns inside.

So he asks nonchalantly, pretending, “Like what?”

Taeyoung momentarily looks away, returning his sight back in a split second. He answers, “You know, maybe you have something? In case you won’t have any chance to say it when I go.”

It’s bittersweet. Taeyoung knows so much about Seongmin, yet not enough for him to know everything.

“Stupid. We can still talk via phone. Don’t pretend as if you’re gonna be gone for real.” Seongmin mentally chuckles. It’s ironic.

“Yeah but. You’re here and I’m in Seoul.”

“It’s just Seoul.”

“It is, but it’s several hundreds of kilometers.” Taeyoung mentions, and Seongmin briefly tastes something bitter in his mouth.

“We can still make it work.” He responds, eyes so desperate. The grip on his hand getting tighter.

“Of course. Of course we can.” Taeyoung says airily. He smiles, dimples poking out from his cheeks, and before Seongmin knows it, his first step, his attempt fails once again. 

“You’ll eventually make new best friends there.” Seongmin says with a pout on his lips.

“Probably, but you’re still the bestest best friend in this world.”

“Didn’t you say that you’re the bestest best friend before?” 

“We can be both the bestest best friends. That sounds better. No one’s above the other, we’re just equal, you know?” Taeyoung whispers, his thumb drawing random strokes on the back of Seongmin’s hand.

“Okay.” Seongmin says, because there is nothing left to say. Maybe there is, but not worthy of mentioning. 

Taeyoung looks at him for a moment before he looks back at the screen. It’s as if there’s a residue, something unspoken. 

“You better not eat your words or I will literally devour you myself. Spare this introvert.” Seongmin whispers, not tainting the climax of the movie.

“Should I bring you along? I think we still have spare time to cram you in my luggage.”

“Should I?”

“You should. With someone as short as you, I think you’ll fit just perfectly.”

“Do you have a death wish?”

“I will literally haunt you if i turn into a ferocious ghost.”

“I’ll practice rituals to shoo you away.”

Taeyoung laughs as he wraps his arm around Seongmin’s tiny waist. He rests on his chest, just before where Seongmin is beating in haste.

“Don’t worry. I’ll be back before you know it.” Taeyoung says, and Seongmin breaks inside. He’s fighting every nerve in him that’s making his tear ducts betray him. Taeyoung finally says it, not directly, but hovering around the topic they don’t know if they could handle talking about.

“Of course.” Seongmin says, because he’s got nothing else to fret. Just like this, he wants to stop time. Stay in this picture, just the familiar blueberry scent dancing around his nose. It’s such a comforting thing to have forever.

But forever is too heavy for two young boys like them.

“It’s just four years.”

“Yeah…. It’s just four years.” 

But four years isn’t any different. It’s too long, just enough time for everything to change.

The movie ends and they stay at that position. The ending credits came rolling in, but no one moved. No one had the nerve to. It’s something they want to avoid; moving, leaving, growing up. 

The 7th wish on a 7th birthday to be torn apart.

“Seongminnie…”

“Taeyoungie…”

Taeyoung heaves a breath, “Are you sleepy?”

Seongmin blinks a few times before he answers, “No. How about you?”

“Neither am I.”

Seongmin brings both of his hands in front of Taeyoung’s abdomen, the taller one completely being in his hold. He holds him close, closer, and even closer until he aches, because this is something he won’t have for the next few years.

“Should we watch it again?” Taeyoung asks with a small laugh.

“Okay.” Seongmin chuckles, and he hugs him tighter.

He hugs him tighter, takes him in arms even closer, and pretends it doesn’t make it more difficult to be separated with him.

Under the same fort, watching the same movie, with the same boy, over and over again, Seongmin hopes for an absurd wish that tomorrow won’t ever come.

`

Seongmin does not talk throughout the whole trip to the airport. He keeps his mouth shut, unable to say anything. He lets his silence speak for himself, an indication that he’s incapable of letting the words slip out of his mouth.

His phone lights up, he feels a tiny buzz on his hand. He peeps, a message popping from the screen for a moment, but his mind is too clouded. His phone dims even before he read it. It’s okay, though. It can wait later, this can’t wait any longer.

Taeyoung reads it.

It’s Minhee, telling Seongmin he’ll pick him up later.

Taeyoung grabs his hand, just like any other time before. Seongmin doesn’t fret, instead, he holds him back. His warm hand against Taeyoung’s cold one, just like before. 

Seongmin once again begs for time to freeze, but time does not work just like that. Before they knew it, although it had been obvious, they had finally arrived.

Taeyoung pulls his suitcase from the car to the airport. The place is vast. White walls, tall ceilings, cold ambiance, and people crowding around them. There is a variety; people meeting for the first time, people meeting again, and people bidding goodbyes. In their case, it’s the last one, still, none of them have actually said that word.

No one is brave enough. No one had the guts.

Even when it’s almost the very last moment, they stay like cowards.

Seongmin walks by Taeyoung’s side, so close because Taeyoung holds his luggage on the other side. Neither of them are talking, and their hands have already lost ahold of each other ever since they came out of the car.

Now this, is something Seongmin isn’t used to. No talks, no touch, no eye contacts. Nothing, just the muffling sound of people around them filling in the silence they have both created between them.

Seongmin doesn’t like this. Not at all. But he can’t put himself to speak, not when his throat is hurting even after swallowing multiple times.

Not like this, not when he knows it himself that with just a single word, he’ll break even.

They both stop on their tracks when they arrive at the very area where people around them are bidding goodbyes. Seongmin looks at the clock far in front of him. Their time is running out, but he’s still a wimp. 

His eyes are shaking, and his breath is no different. He bites his lower lip as he looks down on his feet.

“Seongminnie.” Taeyoung whispers first, enough for the smaller one to hear, yet he doesn’t answer. His eyes remain looking down, tracing the gaps on the floor in distraction. He bites his lips even harder until it almost bleeds.

“Hey, Seongminnie?” Taeyoung repeats, voice trailing off. 

Seongmin’s lips bleed in a split second after Taeyoung spoke once again. Yet even with the thick and distinguished taste it had, he can still taste sugar. It melts, and it burns until it becomes bitter.

It’s once again, the night that never ends.

His eyes betray him.

“Here’s my 17th wish. Seongminnie, look at me.”

A touch on his hand was enough for Seongmin to return his stare back at the doe eyes he has known of. He looks back with his gentle eyes, but it’s filled with tears. It won’t stop falling, and Seongmin hates himself for always being like this.

Taeyoung presses close to him, leaving almost no air in between them. He looks at Seongmin intently, as if nothing is around them. As if it’s just them in the world.

As if they’re back in between four pink walls, under the fort back home.

“Seongminnie.. Please don’t cry.” 

“Taeyoungie.. You’re.. You are leaving.” Seongmin says with a bated breath. His eyes remain on the pair in front of him, but they tremble. 

“I.. I know, Seongminnie. I’m leaving..” Taeyoung answers, hesitantly, staring back at Seongmin with big eyes that speak louder than his mouth.

Taeyoung presses even closer until their chests touch. As if there is a sword in between them, each step, every inch closer, Seongmin aches more. It pierces right through him, his wound throbs even more, and the breath brushing on his face is hot, does not help.

“Seongminnie.. Stop crying. People spend a moment when they are together. When you cry, you lose a moment. Isn’t that a waste of time?” He whispers right before him, his breath is sharp and it pierces right through Seongmin’s skin. His breath is right on his cheeks.

He closes his eyes shut, letting himself hear his heartbeat on its own. He gulps everything down before he opens his eyes, and everything dawns into him.

He doesn’t want to look at anything else anymore, because he has seen the pair of doe eyes in front of him.

He doesn’t want to listen to anything else anymore, because Taeyoung’s voice is sweeter than anything in existence.

He doesn’t want to think of anything else anymore, because just by the thought of him is just enough to fill him. 

He doesn’t want any other thing, just him. He wants him. He wants Taeyoung.

He wants something that is so out of his reach.

Taeyoung puts his forehead against Seongmin, and just like that, Seongmin travels back to that night. Just like this, just this close, he can lean in and maybe, the kiss won’t be forsaken. Maybe the kiss would mean something.

Maybe the kiss won’t be something the other won’t be apologetic of.

He traces his fingertips on Taeyoung’s cheeks as he tunes in to both of their jolting breaths. It’s painful, it’s something that Seongmin wants to do. He wants to kiss him, so bad. Taeyoung does the same as he holds his chin lightly, taking him in, slowly, gradually closer, even burning Seongmin more inside until it hurts. Until it aches. He dreads it. He feels Taeyoung’s breath on his lips. Just like before, a split second before it happened. 

It’s torturing him. His throat dries out, and he’s out of breath.

I won’t do it again.

And Taeyoung halts, his face going back slowly, gradually further.

“I’m going, Seongminnie.” He whispers, before completely removing his hold on Seongmin’s face. He smiles, eyes reflecting the lights around them even more than before. “We’ll see each other soon.”

“We will. Of course we will. ” Seongmin answers, heart in his hands, but his fingers are curled into a ball. He holds it tightly. It hurts. He is broken.

“Hey.. I still have my last wish.” Taeyoung says, wiping the smaller one’s tears away with his thumb.

“Let me hear it.”

He brings his hand in front, the pinky finger pointed up at him. He smiles, bitterly. Seongmin misses the doe eyes clouding.

“Wait for me.”

Seongmin looks at him as he lets out a pathetic laugh. He closes his eyes momentarily before bringing his own pinky finger to seal the last wish.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you.” He smiles, crushed.

“Together forever?” Taeyoung asks, hopeful, eager to cross the bridge with him when they get there.

“Yeah..” He says. “Together forever.” Then the wish is sealed.

It’s an aching emptiness when Taeyoung finally lets go of him. The smell of blueberries briefly fleeting past his nose. Seongmin watches his back slowly getting smaller and smaller from his sight. Taeyoung turns around, giving a wave before completely dissipating in the crowd.

Seongmin sighs, letting everything go. It’s something inevitable. Everything is.

Even what Seongmin was, and is feeling. Everything is unavoidable.

Even the glitters on Taeyoung’s lips on the Christmas ball.

Even everything that happened after that.

Even a decade ago.

Even the 7th wish on the 7th birthday party.

Together forever.

It stretches long enough, until it almost breaks.