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Why Grandmother
“Why Grandmother dearest. What an unsurprising lack of breasts you have.”
Tim froze where he was reading his book and looked up very slowly at where the snide drawl was coming from.
“Damian? What-“
“You have embarrassed me for the last time Drake. I refuse to allow you to become…involved with my Grandfather.”
Tim narrowed his eyes at the demon masquerading as his younger brother.
“I fail to see how you could stop me.” Lips thinned as Tim, very pointedly, turned back to his book.
“Drastic actions will be taken, Drake.” Damian warned. “You will pay.”
Tim closed his eyes, breathing deeply and slowly, before opening his eyes. And then he started counting to ten as he stared at Damian’s stubborn face.
“I can handle anything you throw at me, Damian.” Tim replied calm faced. Internally he was swearing about demonic changelings.
“I have rights, Drake. You are not allowed to continue seeing Grandfather.”
“Rights? What rights?” Tim could feel confusion crossing his face. Damian never made any sense.
“Grayson has informed me that I am responsible for my family.” Damian gave Tim a particularly irritated look as he added: “Including you. In which case, for the family’s safety I cannot allow you to stay involved with Grandfather.”
“Damien.” Tim stopped and stared. Mind whirling through the different ways to …. Communicate with Damian. “I will continue seeing Ra’s no matter what you want, or what Dick has lead you to believe.” Thinking very quickly, quick enough to keep his brain from melting at the conversation itself, Tim added: “Instead you should think about how this can be an advantage to you.”
The sulking boy in the doorway was quiet.
Still counting in his head Tim waited for the snarky rebuttal.
“In what way?” Damian’s glare was suspicious but he had asked which was a good sign.
“Think.” Tim was inwardly smirking now, not at the conversation, but at the win of getting Damian to listen to something. “If Ra’s and I stay together tensions between the families will lessen. You would even be able to see more of your Grandfather, and maybe mother perhaps.”
Damian’s expression suggested that that wasn’t the best reasoning. Probable but not ideal.
“Also the fact I would have less time to be Robin.”
Now Damian perked up, eyes half glazing over, as he comprehended Tim’s words.
“I would still be forced to call you Grandmother.” Was hurriedly added.
Now Tim was grinning inwardly at his win over the Demon.
“I would have to accept that,” Tim agreed easily. “You should remember that grandmothers are known for spoiling their grandchildren.”
Damian’s expression said that he still was not convinced about the situation… but at that at the least he was willing to lessen tensions.
And maybe not bring his throwing knives to the wedding.
The Wedding from Hell AKA Gotham
“I will kill you Grayson. I will kill you and no one will ever find your body. Not even the worms.”
“You’ll kill him?” Tim wasn’t sitting still thanks to the handcuffs holding him to his seat, he really wasn’t, it was because even if he got up Jason would be sure to keep him in place.
“Don’t be that way little brothers.” Grayson was grinning and spinning around in his bridesmaid gown. “Damian, it’s important that we support Tim on his special day. Tim you look very beautiful, don’t you want that?”
Tim growled in time with Jason’s laughter.
“Yeah Demon. After all not everyone marries for love. True wuv~”
Jason was and asshole, Tim decided glaring in the mirror at his brother.
“I am still a man, Dick. Ra’s knows I am a man. Everyone here knows I am a man. There is absolutely no reason for me to wear a dress.” Tim glared at his reflection in the mirror refusing to look any of his brothers in the eye. Not even Damian who was at least as uncomfortable as him.
“But you’re so cute!” Grayson hugged Tim from behind pinching at the permanently blushing cheeks. “And everyone is so happy to be here to see you on your happy day!”
“Yeah, would be better if you weren’t marrying the Demon’s granddad. Thought I was the one with that suicide wish.” Jason was grinning, happily being the only person in the room not in a dress.
“Stop calling me that!”
“Wait-“ Tim shifted the whole chair not noticing the scraping of handcuffs.
“What do you mean: everyone?”
~ ~ ~ ~
“I might not be able to stop Tim from… marrying whoever the hell he wants,” That was definitely a Batman growl. “But I will make sure that everything you do with Tim is very public.”
“Temper, temper, Mister Wayne.” Ra’s Al Ghul was the picture of refinement and poise looking unnervingly calm in the face of Bruce’s Batman voice. “What young Timothy and I do is our own business but I do understand your fear for your son. After all family is important.”
More growling answered Ra’s suave voice.
“Oh do be calm Mister Wayne. Do not think of it as losing a son, but as gaining a son in law.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Tim was out of the handcuffs and half over Jason’s shoulder, Dick and Jason trying to calm him down, as he was trying to get out the door. Damian was being of no help, to either side, and was sitting in the background half sneering and half giggling.
“You can’t go out yet little brother!” Dick was grabbing at Tim’s flailing hands. “The groom can’t see the bride before the wedding! It’s Bad Luck!”
“Bad luck?!” Tim hung over Jason’s shoulder staring at Dick’s earnest face. “You were against this! You told me I couldn’t marry Ra’s because he was pure evil!”
“Well,” Dick shrugged and scratched at his head. “You should still be happy on your wedding day! They don’t happen all that often.”
“Dick?!”
The sudden knock at the door had everyone freezing in place. Tim red faced in half anger half horror, Damian in fear of someone seeing him in the hideous bridesmaid dress, Dick and Jason… didn’t look nearly as concerned.
“Hello boys,” Selina purred stalking in. “Oh Tim, you’ll wrinkle your dress, rough housing around like that.”
Somewhere there was an orchestra of crickets enjoying the stunned silence. Sadly they were than drowned out by shear laughter from Dick and Jason.
“Selina?!” Tim white faced and going into shock. “What?!”
“Oh honey.” She was pouting as she helped Jason set Tim down quietly. “After Bruce and Dick told me, I knew I had to come out and see you married. You need a woman’s touch. Besides, don’t you want someone to be around to keep Bruce in place during the ceremony?”
“And after the ceremony?” Tim sounded like such a nice and polite young man; all the while plotting revenge against his family.
“Everyone will be keeping an eye on him darling, never fear.” Selina patted his cheeks and then concentrated on fixing his hair with quick finger movements.
Tim half smiled back at her. Oh god, oh god, everyone’s going to kill each other and no one will ever let me forget about the wedding dress.
~ ~ ~ ~
Walking down the aisle was… traumatic. Bruce was on one side holding, rather gently considering the look on his face, his arm moving as stiff as a robot. Dick and Damian were waiting at the alter across from Ra’s; Dick with tearful joy, and Damian with murder in his eyes and flaming red cheeks. And then there was everyone else.
Emphasis on everyone.
Out of the corners of his eyes, he was not going to take his eyes off Ra’s, he could see what was probably all of the hero community and a few of the more… sane villains. Like Catwoman; who was sitting next to Jason in the front row.
There was some giggling along with muffled crying, Tim wasn’t sure which was worse, as he walked past. But he did make it to the alter itself, the few minutes of dead silence were understandable as Bruce glared death at Ra’s before managing to hand Tim over, fists clenching as he turned and sat next to Selina.
But all the pain and suffering of the wedding dress, and the panic and fighting when he told his family about Ra’s, and even if it ended with Bruce trying to kill his future husband…. Well it was all worth it to see Ra’s face devoid of any intrigue and plotting, instead staring at him with love.
The actual ceremony seemed to pass very quickly after that. Even with Dick half leaning on a scowling Damian while sobbing. Though when it came to the objections part, Tim did glance sideways at Bruce, only to see Selina draped over him one hand playing around Bruce’s mouth. Just in case.
And when the firm voice finally said, “You may kiss the Bride,” Tim was too relieved that it was over to react as he recognized the female ‘priestess’ with long curly black hair. At least she hadn’t used lasso during the ceremony.
Over? Hah, of course it wasn’t over.
Everyone still has to survive the reception.
Oh god no…
Train wrecks were probably less interesting to watch or at least had a lesser chance of being fatal to all involved.
Maybe.
“Hello Grandmother,” Tim winced at Damian’s voice.
“I thought you weren’t going to call me that, Demon.”
“I find myself particularly vexed with you.” Damian growled.
“I wasn’t the one that put you in a dress.” Tim turned to look at his brother and smirked, somewhere Damian had stolen a scarf and wrapped it around his face and head, leaving it just barely loose enough to be understood through.
“You’re at fault for Grayson becoming obsessed with this… wedding.”
“You might want to vanish before Dick sees you with that hood,” Tim observed, lips twisting in a spectacularly evil grin. “I don’t he’d like you hiding like that.”
Eyes widening, Tim was still grinning as he watched Damian look around the crowded room in panic, sheer paranoia thinking that Dick would appear when called. Though it was Dick…
“I agree Darling Bird. Grandson, run along now.” Large strong arms wrapped around Tim’s waist, pulling him backwards, as his grin turned very smug while Damian paled.
“I- Yes Grandfather…Grandmother.”
Tim resisted sticking his tongue out at Damian’s retreating form. That would just be childish. Dick would probably find him soon anyway.
“Are you enjoying the embarrassment of your enemies, my sweet?” Tim shivered and leaned back in Ra’s.
“I’m just enjoying Damian receiving his just desserts.” Tim was quite smug at that, the Demon had caused enough problems he deserved it. Besides it wasn’t like he was the only man in a dress here. Dick at least seemed to be enjoying his dress.
“Smugness does suit you, Darling, but surely there are more important things than watching his defeat?”
Tim squeaked as Ra’s scooped him upwards.
“Ra’s! No!” Tim squeaked, grabbing at Ra’s clothing and praying his face wasn’t nearly as red as it felt.
“Do be calm, my nightingale.” Ra’s was laughing at him, Tim knew it. “Enjoy our wedding; all your family and friends put such effort into it.”
“Not sure that’s a good thing. “Tim muttered, blush staining his cheeks as he stared at the people around the room. “You let them put out alcohol.”
“I did no such thing.” Ra’s lips were twitching in a vaguely superior way. “I was told to do nothing but show up, just like you my sweet.”
“The alcohol is to keep from going insane.” Well damn, Tim pouted, Bruce wasn’t even trying to sound like Brucie; that was all Batman.
And Tim would not look up to see the pained anger in Bruce’s face, or the regal smugness in Ra’s. When the scratchy bearded chin leaned down to rest on his head, Tim pouted some more, Ra’s was trying to piss of Bruce. And succeeding if the low growl was anything to go by.
“Tim! And Ra’s, this is such a lovely wedding!” One of these days Tim would figure out how Selina was able to magically appear wrapped around Bruce. “You must be so happy, Ra’s, you certainly have the prettiest partner here now.”
“Ah, Ms. Kyle, it is wonderful to meet you again. Under much nicer circumstances indeed.” Ra’s sounded every bit the approving king with his subjects.
“When did you meet before?” Tim asked, frowning as Ra’s set him down, one hand curled around his waist and holding him.
“Oh here and there.” Selina purred, “Nothing to worry about, Kitten. It was just business. But we must have a dance! Lets’ just leave the boys to talk!”
Cats have claws; grown women had nails that were painted a distressing blood red color Tim noted. Then Selina was dragging him to the dance floor away from the testosterone match behind him. It was probably for the best that he didn’t take sides between Ra’s and Bruce anyway.
“Oh Tim,” Selina looked really happy, the proverbial cat who ate the canary. “Does the taste for dangerous liaisons run in Bats and Birds?”
“I don’t think you’re rated very high on the danger list, Ms. Selina.” Tim was frowning, letting Selina take the lead in the waltz, while he tried to peer around her and keep an eye on his family and husband.
“That’s not nice,” Selina gave Tim a haughty look, “And here I’m trying to help you. Besides Kitten, you should really call me Aunt Selina.”
“Sure,” Tim answered distractedly, twisting again as she blocked his line of sight.
“Kitten, let the boys talk and get it all out now.” Selina was grinning her cat grin again, as she spun Tim further across the floor.
Tim turned his attention onto her and pouted. “They’re being ridiculous.”
“They’re men, Kitten.” Selina shrugged, a universal ‘what can you do?’ gesture. “Let them have the time to fight it out, and then you come in and sweep up the pieces.”
“That sounds…” Tim frowned down at his feet. “A lot like something a thief would say about other bad guys and jewelry.”
Selina just laughed and batted her eyelashes at him.
“May I cut in?”
“Ra’s!” Tim did not need to jump into his arms, or need to look for the murdered bodies of his family, he thought he was almost regal as Selina past his hand to Ra’s. “Where’s Bruce?”
“He found he needed another drink.” Ra’s leaned his head down giving Tim a gentle kiss before pointing their hands to where Bruce was standing like a doom cloud by the mini bar.
“Oh,” Tim hid his face in Ra’s chest. “Did you have a nice chat?”
“Quite. He tried to give me a list of things I could and could not do with you.” Ra’s paused just long enough for Tim to look up and see grinning white teeth. “I told him I would let my ninjas loose upon Gotham if he pressed the issue.”
“Oh. It was nice of you to give him a warning.”
“I thought it was only fair.” Ra’s gave the room a rather haughty look. “I will admit that the wedding was an excellent idea, you look lovely my Darling.”
“Thank you Ra’s. It would have been just as lovely if I was allowed to wear pants.”
“Nonsense, all brides should wear white on their wedding.”
“Ra’s… you made sure I’m not qualified to wear white.”
That was one of the smuggest looks that Tim had ever seen on Ra’s face.
“Besides that,” Tim continued, valiantly ignoring the look on his husband’s face. “I'm surprised there hasn’t been any real fights yet.”
“There are sedatives in the alcohol.”
“What?” Tim stopped and stared up at him.
“I decided that due to past…. Disagreements, it would be a good notion to lessen the urge for tempers in the first place.”
“But what about people,” Bruce type people, “that are drinking a lot?”
“It is bad manners to drug your in laws into a stupor, I have been told. It is a small amount of sedative, Darling. Just enough to help.” Ra’s looked pleased with himself, nothing new there, but in this case he might have been right.
“Tim! Little brother!”
Tim could feel Ra’s tensing slightly in irritation as Dick ran up to them. Nothing less than the strongest doses of sedatives would ever keep Dick down and quiet.
“Come on! We’re going to take a family picture!” Dick was way too excited and happy; he was also dragging a scowling scarf less Damian behind him, using his free hand to grip Tim’s wrist. Dragging his little brothers along behind him with Ra’s following in half amusement.
“You too Ra’s, be a good bad guy and smile for the camera.” Dick said grinning in his bridesmaid gown and squirming siblings under each arm.
“Of course, Mr. Grayson. I would hate to be anything less than the perfectly behaved ‘bad guy’.”
“Ra’s.” Tim was hissing as they came up to the rest of the Bat family. Jason and Bruce were ignoring each other with Alfred standing in between them for safety. Selina was draped over Bruce’s shoulder on his other side, her on hand patting Bab’s head who had Cass in her lap, and was staring in amusement at the peeved looking Talia.
Room was made for the others, Tim pushed into place next to Bruce with Ra’s on his other side hand gripped tight around his waist. Dick dragged Damian down so they could sit in front of Tim, not sure that was such a good idea in dresses, Dick reaching behind him to curl one comforting had around Tim’s ankle.
Tim sighed heavily, as Bruce dropped a heavy hand on his shoulder, and leaned further into Ra’s as the photographer set up a very expensive looking camera. Tim gave it another twenty minutes before someone tripped over it and broke it.
Or the sheer anger being directed at it might crack the glass.
“Smile nicely, Mr. Detective~” Ra’s purred, “After all, this picture will end up on your mantle.”
The flash was perfectly timed to catch Bruce’s howl of rage as he twisted to leap at Ra’s, Selina gripping his arms and leaning back in shock, while Ra’s had lifted Tim up and was spinning him out of Bruce’s way. Jason and Dick both leaping forwards to grab Ra’s away.
Yes. This was his family…. For better or worse.