Chapter Text
Eren,
You wrapped this scarf around me...
Thank you.
A smile formed on the beautiful girl's face, her cheeks still wet with tears as she tugged at her red scarf with delicate fingers. Her eyes were filled with gratitude, admiration, and most of all love. Eren couldn't help but feel proud, seeing her filled with such resilience. And yet, as the distance between them grew and her figure became smaller and smaller, his heart ached. He knew what he really wanted, what they both wanted. Finally, he turned his eyes from her as he looked to the sky. So much space, he was free to go anywhere. Yet as he kept moving forward he felt sadness swelling within him. He wanted to scream, he was in complete agony. Suddenly the brightness of sun engulfed his surroundings until all he saw was white; a great nothingness. He no longer felt the wind on his body, nor the heat of the sun on his back. The only thing in existence was the voice of the girl sitting by the tree on that hill as her words rang through his head:
I want to meet you again...
Eren's eyes shot open as he jolted upright in his bed. Sweat beads were falling down his forehead and his breathing was ragged. Who was that girl, he thought to himself, but the image of her in his head had already begun to fade. His thoughts were a mess as he struggled to remember anything at all. The harder he tried the more that scenery seemed to slip through his grasp. All that was left for him now were her words.
In a panic he looked around his room trying to get his bearings. That's right, he thought, I'm in my room. He knew it, but it felt so unfamiliar to him. Books, movies and action figures lined the shelves to his left. To his right was his desk, upon which rested a laptop and a collection of disorganized papers scattered seemingly without much thought. Sitting atop the laptop was a small brown leather book that he was able to identify as his journal. His gaze lingered on it for a while before he looked ahead at his bedroom door which had a closet next to it, filled with clothes he was only starting to recognize as his own.
Eren grimaced as held a hand up to his head. He had an absolutely splitting headache, the likes of which he never thought possible. He'd been hungover a couple of times before but this was worse than that. Much worse.
While he was coming to terms with his pain, something caught the corner of his eye. There was light coming in from the windows next to his desk. His ragged breath was now caught in his throat as he saw a bird standing on his window sill, watching him. Eren wasn't sure why but he couldn't take his eyes off of it. The bird stood there, watching him intently. Their stare held for some seconds until the creature tilted its head, seemingly satisfied that it had captured Eren's attention and then spread its wings and took off.
What the hell is going on, he wondered to himself. "I feel like, I just woke up from the longest dream". The words had seemed to slip out of his mouth, outside of his control. Suddenly, he felt them. Light tears had formed in the corners of his eyes and began to slowly fall down his cheeks. Confused, he reached out to touch them, and as his fingers met his tears, the image of a young girl with raven black hair took shape before him. She was wearing a plain dress while carrying a bundle of sticks on her back.
Eren
She was standing before his feet as he looked up at her. Her voice was soft, and instantly started to ease his powerful headache. Why did he recognize this girl? His mind was racing, she must know me, but where do i know her from? The expression on her grey eyes showed she was concerned for him. As her small head tilted slightly, her chin now poked out from behind a striking red scarf, drawing his eyes to the garment. Eren was becoming overwhelmed with emotion, as something about that scarf made his tears begin to flow even harder.
Eren, why are you crying?
As suddenly as she had appeared, the girl vanished, and he was alone in his room again. Eren just sat there, staring ahead where the girl once was, his eyes glazed over. He finally got himself to blink, breaking his trance. Managing to sit himself on the side of his bed, he wiped the remaining tears from his face with the sleeves of his shirt. He stood up and moved to the mirror next to his dresser.
Eren looked terrible. His face was tired, his eyes were red from the crying and he had deep bags under his eyes. His hair was unsurprisingly a mess, yet something seemed off, was it somehow shorter than before? He dismissed the thought as being part of his current state of confusion as his eyes moved down the rest of his reflection. He was only in his boxers and a long sleeve shirt that had the words Shiganshina High emblazoned on it, the words sitting above a crest with a pair of splayed wings. He paused for a moment before a sudden realization hit him.
"Shit! School!" Eren began looking around in a panic for the time and saw an alarm clock on his desk. Reading the time only made his state worsen: 8:30am. He ran from his room in a hurry knowing he had only thirty minutes to make it to his first class. Going down the hall he raced into his bathroom, and nearly jumped in the shower with his clothes still on. He didn't have time to wait for the water to get warm so he squirmed as he suffered through one of the shortest and coldest showers of his life. He was definitely awake and alert now.
Eren quickly got back to his room and got dressed, not caring much about how his outfit for the day looked, though he rarely did. As he started stuffing school materials into his bag he noticed the journal again. His hurried state subsided as something in him told him to open it. Following this impulse his hand reached slowly for the book. As he opened it, his eyes widened as he read the most recent entry:
I can't take this boring life anymore. I wish something would happen. I want this all to end, this world, I wish for a crisis that would cause the destruction of humanity.
Reading these words now, he was starting to remember writing them. The memory crept over him like a shadow, sending an ominous feeling through his body. These words felt like more than the usual complaints he would scribble when he was in a bad mood, which was often. Eren touched his neck instinctively, rubbing his hand across his throat, contemplating his dark words. That's when the headache from earlier made a forceful return.
The pain started from the nape of his neck and quickly spread throughout his entire head. He had to brace himself on his table as he stared at the words on the page.
That's when he started to hear them, faint screams coming from all directions. Voices he didn't recognize ever hearing before, growing louder and louder. So many voices, he couldn't make out any of it; it was pure chaos.
The screams were echoing in his head, they were terrified, pained, and kept building on each other as they rose to a violent crescendo. He shut his eyes tight trying to fight back the onslaught as his arms began to shake from the effort.
"Stop! Please, make it stop! I'm sorry I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!", Eren was pushing the words out through gritted teeth as the voices assaulted him relentlessly. Suddenly, a soft voice began to break through the chaos in his mind, the voice was familiar somehow. Like a guiding light, it led his mind out of the sea of screams until he could finally make out what it was saying.
Eren, I want share the burden of your sins with you. We're all guilty... of the same sins
He recognized the voice the moment she said his name. It was the same girl from his vision earlier, but her voice was different, more mature and filled with sadness. Eren found himself catching his breath listening to her. Her words started to bring a sense of comfort to him.
Please, come back to us.
Her voice was so clear, as if she was standing right next to him. As the fog in his head began to clear, he was able to make out the outlines of a face. Was it her? The girl who he couldn't get out of his mind? The one who kept saving him from the pain? He saw his hand reach out in front of him. He needed to see her.
"Eren Yeager! What the hell are you doing? You are going to be late young man!" The voice cut through him as the girl's silhouette vanished. Eren began to panic again, he hadn't gotten to see her face.
"Wait! Where are you?" As he opened his eyes, Eren noticed his hand was stretched out in front of him, just like it was in his vision. He brought his hand back and stared at it as if he was hoping to find traces of the mystery girl on it. Eren wanted to close his eyes again to search for her when the voice cut in again.
"What do you mean where am I? Where are you? You should have been downstairs ages ago!" Shit, he thought, He wasn't paying attention the first time, but he knew his mother's angry voice when he heard it. She was pissed, and of his two parents he feared the wrath of Carla Yeager the most. She was a sweet woman and a wonderful mom, but she could spew absolute fire upon those who rose her ire. Collecting his things he rushed downstairs to meet his fate.
Carla was standing in the kitchen with her arms crossed, her long brown hair sitting neatly over her shoulder. The room she stood in was a spacious and modern one, like much of the house. This was mostly thanks to his father, Grisha, a doctor who was respected for his strong work ethic and dedication to his patients. Of course, this meant long working hours but it also meant a comfortable life for the family. Naturally he wasn't present, probably at work already, Eren figured.
He wasn't able to think for long as he had to be quick out the door to avoid a scolding from his mom. "Sorry mom", he stammered, "I had a rough time waking up today". He slipped on his shoes and was about to head out the door before his mom grabbed his bag to stop him
"You need breakfast, here", she handed him a homemade smoothie that had become a morning tradition in their home. Eren grabbed it, thanked her, and proceeded to pour it down his throat as quickly as possible. As he was wiping whatever of the drink may be on his lips, Carla was fussing over his uncombed hair.
"Do you really want you to go to your first day of the school year looking like a slob?" She asked him as she observed her work with a look of restrained satisfaction.
"Of course mom, that was part of my plan all along" He rolled his eyes as he started out the door.
"Be good sweetie and have fun" she shouted to him, to which Eren turned around and waved to his mom before starting into a light sprint down the street. Carla couldn't help but give an affectionate smile watching her son go off into the world.
The first day of school was the reason for his panic on being late, but it wasn't for the "normal" reasons. He wasn't someone who cared much about his attendance grade or academics and he definitely didn't care for the social aspect. At least, not in the traditional sense.
Eren didn't have much in the way of friends. The closest he had were Armin and Marco, two quiet boys who were considered nerds by the student body of Shiganshina High. He was closest to Armin, but they had grown apart a bit as their interests began to diverge when they entered High School.
As kids, they played together a lot and talked of great adventures. Eren knew It was probably his fault that the distance they now shared existed. He had become less social the older he got, folding into himself to the point where his social life had all but dried up. He was isolated, and more than that, he didn't like drawing attention to himself. He was alright with being a nobody. This existing status was the fuel behind his panicked run to school. He didn't want to be the one who showed up late the first day of class and have everyone stare at him. All those eyes, he shuddered at the thought.
Eren was finally approaching the school when a figure on the opposite side of the road caught his eye. He stopped his running, as he looked at what seemed like a young girl in clothes that gave her the appearance of belonging to a time long past.
Her blonde bangs covered most of her eyes as she kept her gaze facing him. Looking back at her, Eren had an uneasy feeling. He wasn't big on the whole staring thing in the first place, but this strange girl made him especially uncomfortable. He was frozen, like he couldn't control his own movements so long as this girl was fixated on him. Before he could say anything, she smiled at him, showing her eyes for the first time. They were surprisingly soft and she had a pleased expression on her face. Eren didn't have time to make anything more of the situation, as a car sped past her on the road that separated them. Once the car had passed, she was gone. It was as if she had never been there.
Eren was still standing in place, but his legs felt like his own again. His face was still frozen in shock as his legs resumed their work, walking him to the school that was only a block or so away.
What the hell is wrong with me today, he thought, seeing all these hallucinations, the long dream that I can't remember, and the girl with the soft voice who kept saving me from my pain. Maybe this was it, I've finally gone crazy.
Eren looked up and saw that there were only a few students entering the school as he arrived at the campus. His self-reflection was quickly replaced by a familiar panic, he looked at the time on his watch and saw what he feared: 8:58 am. He had time, but he had to be quick.
Opening the doors quickly, he walked with purpose down the hall but not too fast as to still be red in the face when he got to class. His eyes were glued to the floor in front of him, not wanting to make accidental eye contact with anyone who might be around.
Room 104, he thought to himself. Homeroom was first period and would be filled with people he would see frequently. The last thing he wanted was to start the year with embarrassment and make himself an early target for mockery. He made a sharp turn around the hallway corner and before he could react he ran into somebody, causing the books and papers they were holding to spill onto the floor.
"Ah!" He let out a sound of surprise as he fell to the hallway tiles along with the items the stranger was carrying. Great, now I'm totally screwed, he thought, there's no way I'm getting to class now and on top of that I've already managed to cause an embarrassing scene. He looked up getting ready to apologize when he locked eyes with the victim of his clumsiness.
His voice failed him as he stared into a pair of deep grey eyes. He knew these eyes, and they stared back at him as if they knew him too. The girl they belonged too had hardly been moved by their crash but her school items were all over the hallway. She seem didn't pay them any mind however, as her stare was fixated on Eren. She didn't seem mad, but in shock, her mouth slightly open, her voice having failed her as well. Looking up at her like this, Eren started thinking of the girl he saw in his room, who had stood over him in almost the exact same way. He couldn't shake the idea of how similar they looked. Several seconds had gone by before Eren managed to break the silence.
"Um.. I-I'm so sorry it was my fault I wasn't looking where I was going". Finally breaking her gaze Eren moved to hurriedly collect her things, hoping to make up for his blunder. To his surprise he was greeted bye her hand as she reached out to help him up. His eyes followed her arm until they reached her face. The girl had short raven black hair with neat bangs resting above her eyebrows and pig tails on either side of her head. She wore black lipstick, nail polish and eye shadow which matched her dark clothes. Eren wasn't focusing on any of that though, as his green eyes were locked once again with her grey ones. Eren grabbed her hand and she pulled him off the ground as if he weighed nothing.
"I'm Mikasa I'm new here I'm sorry I'm not sure where I'm supposed to be going", She was speaking quickly, clearly nervous at their encounter, which shouldn't be much of a surprise given her unfamiliar surroundings.
"Mikasa?", Eren said as the he breathed her name out of his mouth, the words seeming to form on their own. "My name's Eren, Eren Yeager".
Mikasa's eyes grew wider upon hearing his name, light bouncing off them as they began to begin to mist over. She couldn't take them off the boy she had just met. Her hand, still holding his, began to lose some of its strength as her grip softened.
"E-Eren?"
Hearing Mikasa say his name triggered something in Eren as his head began to hurt again. His eyes began to react as hers had, as he started feeling a thousand feelings at once. So many that he couldn't tell them apart. His heartbeat quickened as heat rose to his cheeks. His headache had come back with a vengeance. Wincing from the pain he released her hand and held his to his head.
"S-sorry I've been having crazy headaches this morning". As Eren looked up at her he noticed that Mikasa had almost the exact same reaction as him. Her hands were also stuck to her head as she looked back at him. Her cheeks were flushed and it was as if she was out of breath.
"Ah, y-yeah I get them a lot, especially today for some reason". Shaking off her discomfort, she bent to pick up her materials. Eren immediately moved to help her. Headaches just like me, he thought as he started collecting the scattered papers, something about her feels familiar but I just can't place it. Was it something to do with the girl in his head? They did share some similarities, although Mikasa's style was radically different. He dismissed this line of thinking, not wanting to feed into what he suspected was his growing insanity. He spoke up, hoping to interrupt his own thoughts.
"You said you're new. Maybe I can help you find where you need to go?" Eren wasn't usually someone to put himself out there like this, but he felt he owed her for bumping into her. Eren handed Mikasa the papers he had collected and she pulled one out, checking for the answer to his question. After reading it briefly she put it back with the others she was carrying under one arm.
"Room 104, It's supposed to be my homeroom."
"Oh hey that's mine too", he said breaking a slight smile, "c'mon lets head there now". He reached out and grabbed her hand without thinking and started walking her in the right direction. He had taken a few steps before he realized what he'd done. Letting go, Eren put his arms up a bit to show his innocence. "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I did that". Her expression was a bit stunned, but she smiled softly at him.
"No, it's fine you don't have to apologize", Mikasa's words were polite as she brushed it off, but her face betrayed her as her cheeks were now flushed red again. Holding her papers tightly to her chest now, she motioned for him to continue guiding her.
"Alright let's go", He turned on his heels quickly hoping to avoid more awkwardness that would come if she saw the colour that was also rushing to his cheeks.
They walked in heavy silence towards their homeroom. Soon, they were at the door, and Eren remembered his fears from earlier. Checking his watch, he saw the time: 9:07 am. Shit, he thought, this isn't going to go over well.
He opened the door the see a class full of eyes turn to look at him. The imposing Mr. Shadis had paused mid-sentence as his intense glare shifted to the newcomers.
"Starting the year off on the wrong foot Yeager! And it seems that you've brought someone with you." The bald man's eyes shifted to his attendance sheet as his finger stopped on a name. "You must be Ms. Ackerman, the new addition. Welcome, I'm sorry that your first encounter at our institution had to be such a bad influence."
The class let out a collective giggle before Shadis cleared his throat loudly, making them submit to a lower decibel of whispers and snarky remarks. Eren could feel his anxiety rising. He felt seen, exposed, like a raw nerve. He gritted his teeth at being put in this spotlight of ridicule, but the tension in his jaw relaxed when he felt a hand resting lightly on his shoulder.
"I apologize for my tardiness Mr. Shadis. I was lost in the halls when Eren helped show me where to go. It's my fault he is late, so please don't blame him." Mikasa was looking at their teacher with her eyebrows slightly furrowed as her grey eyes now resembled steel. Eren could tell Mikasa had a sense of determination when making her proclamation. Was she trying to save him from punishment?
"Very well Ms. Ackerman, I thank you for your explanation. I'll be forgiving and ignore both of your late arrivals for today. You two may take the two available seats in the back by the windows." Upon receiving their orders, Mikasa lifted her hand from his shoulder and moved to take the seat closest to the window. Eren watched her walk ahead of him as he stood there to take in the fact that she stood up for him without hesitation. The girl he just met, willing to risk being reprimanded on her first day for his sake. He wasn't the only one watching though, as Jean Kirschtien who was also in the back row followed her with his eyes, wearing a smug grin on his face. Eren felt his anger rise a bit as he followed Mikasa to their corner.
"Nice one, Yeager." Eren had to dodge Jean's chair scooting backwards in an attempt to interrupt his path. Eren was used to Jean's taunting by now, but the way he looked at Mikasa was what was really bothering him.
Eren sat down next to the new girl and put his materials on his desk. Atop them was his brown journal. He traced his hands over the edges of the book, when he looked to his left and noticed Mikasa was watching him. Upon detecting his gaze, she shifted her eyes away in embarrassment, trying to play it off as if she was looking around the room. Eren's eyes didn't leave her though. She was beautiful. Eren had noticed it right away when he met her, but now that he was calmer he could truly take in her features.
Mikasa definitely had the goth aesthetic going for her, he thought, with her plaid skirt, black leggings and boots that matched her equally black shirt. Despite her outfit, he could tell she had a muscular build that was also noticeably feminine. That must have been why I bounced off her so easily in the halls, he remembered with a twinge of embarrassment. She had these ornate yet edgy looking rings on her hands, as well as necklaces around her neck. They were wildly different from Eren's style, he wouldn't like the attention they drew. That being said he couldn't deny he thought they were cool, that she was cool. As his eyes began to trace her profile, he felt his heart flutter. He'd never reacted to a girl like this before, not this strongly.
He opened his journal and on the most recent page he wrote the new girl's name: MIKASA. He like the way it looked. The way the letters complimented each other and the way the sounds moved through his mouth as he whispered her name to himself.
Eren's look of satisfaction faded when his eyes moved up the page and saw the dark words that were above her name:
I can't take this boring life anymore. I wish something would happen. I want this all to end, this world, I wish for a crisis that would cause the destruction of humanity.
He shuddered slightly, reading them again. They didn't belong here, not next to her name. Something so cruel next to something so beautiful. With great purpose, Eren took his pen back in his hand and scratched out the his dark thoughts until all that was left was her name:
MIKASA
Much better, he thought. After reading her name again he turned his head to look at her one more time. Before his eyes could rest upon Mikasa, he noticed a figure standing a short distance outside the large class windows. It was the same strange girl from before on the street. She wore the same expression she had left him with; a content smile and understanding eyes. As he stared at the strange girl in shock he heard an ethereal yet faint voice echo through his head:
"This is my gift to you, for what you did for me. The rest is up to you now, do not waste it."
Her mouth did not move, but Eren could feel these were her words. The girl raised one hand as if to wave goodbye, and as she did her body began to turn to dust, carried away with care by the wind. Eren's eyes were wide with shock, he couldn't believe what he just saw.
His mind was racing a mile a minute. It's official I'm going crazy, he thought in a panic, I am actually going crazy. He instinctively brought his pen to his journal to write the negative thought when he noticed Mikasa had also been staring out the window. Her body was rigid, her back completely upright as if on high alert. Mikasa began to turn her body slowly as she faced her desk. Eren could tell from her eyes that she was shaken up.
Did she also see what I saw, Eren wondered to himself. His eyes had returned to his page now, his pen pressed to the paper as he pondered if he should write down his fear for his sanity. That's when he felt her eyes on him again. His eyes rose to meet hers and this time she didn't look away. Instead, Mikasa's expression softened and she gave him a smile, this one bigger and more familiar than before. Eren couldn't help but return her smile with his own as he took in their exchange. Something about her brought him peace.
Eren looked back down on his journal and lifted his pen from the page. The mark where his pen had been was next to his latest entry, but now he didn't feel he needed to add anymore to the page, it was perfect the way it was:
MIKASA.
Maybe things would be different this time, he thought. He looked back up at Mikasa, who was now listening to their instructor. She was looking ahead with great intent.
"No", he said to himself, "I know they will be". Eren closed the journal and put it back into his bag as he joined her, looking forward, together.