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It was a regular occurrence that the taller boy would pass him in the hall, calling him that dumb fucking stupid rendition of his name, conar, then shove him into the lockers as he and his buddies laughed. But lately his clique seemed to dwindle down, until it was just him calling him names and pushing him. Then it stopped altogether. One week went by, with nothing from the tall boy who used to push him, then halfway through the next week, or, well, on that Thursday, something… interesting… happened.
Connor walked through the halls of the high school, just trying to get to class. He looked around, dodging people, when he heard his name.
“Connor.” The boy whips around at the familiar voice, being filled with dread. Now was not a good time. He was just trying to get to his first period. Then he realized that the taller boy hadn’t called him ‘conar’, and got confused.
“So you do know my name,” he bit. Schlatt grumbled, but didn’t bite back.
“I’m sorry,” he said plainly.
“What? For what? Calling me conar?”
“No. Well, that too. But. Everything, I guess. I’m sorry.” Schlatt rubbed the back of his neck and avoided eye contact.
“Did one of the teachers put you up to this?” He asked suspiciously. Schlatt rolled his eyes and groaned, turning away.
“Fuck this. Nevermind.” Schlatt stalked off towards his own class, and Connor watched him leave, before going back to his own class, very confused. This was… very strange behavior.
Later, Connor sees Schlatt sitting alone at lunch, reading. He looked... sad? Connor hummed to himself, intrigued, but did nothing about it. The next day, Friday, Schlatt wasn’t seen anywhere at school. Connor would know. For some reason, he looked. The next week, on Monday, he wasn’t there, either. Nor was he there Tuesday. Wednesday, Schlatt passed Connor in the halls, said nothing, and went to class. At lunch, Schlatt still sat alone, at his table, reading, but this time, Connor came over and sat down, startling him.
“Can I... help you?” he asked.
“What’s your problem?” Connor asked. Schlatt blinked, confused.
“What?”
“I said-“
“No I heard what you said, I just... what?”
“You try and apologize, probably because one of the teachers made you, then you disappear. What the hell?”
“What, did you suddenly expect me to pretend like we’ve been bffs?”
“No, but-”
“Dude, I don’t know why the fuck you’re talking to me. I thought, you know, given the fact that I’ve been a dick to you from day one would kind of make you want nothing to do with me.”
“But why’d you disappear? You just skipped school for a few days?”
“I skipped, yeah.”
“We’ve been going to school together for years, dude. You have never missed a day.”
“I was sick.”
“Why was that your second choice.” Connor deadpanned, resting his arm on the table.
“I was! Why do I need to explain myself to someone who doesn’t care?” Schlatt rolled his eyes.
“Whatever. What are you reading?” Connor asked, giving up on that topic of conversation.
“Nothing you’d understand,” Schlatt mumbled. Connor scowled.
“Now how do you know that? I read, I know how to read! Don’t undermine my intelligence!” Schlatt looked up at him with a deadpan expression, and handed him the book.
“Read it,” The taller boy prompted. Connor looked down at the book. It was entirely in Russian.
“What the fuck.”
“I wasn’t trying to ‘undermine your intelligence’, I just thought you couldn’t read Russian.”
“I can’t.”
“Well there you go. Problem solved.” Schlatt went back to reading. Connor noticed that he wasn’t eating anything, even though it was lunch period.
“Did you already eat?”
“Nah, I don’t eat lunch.” Schlatt didn’t look up from his book, instead turned the page.
“Why not?”
“I dunno, I just don’t.”
“You should eat lunch.”
“Why?” Schlatt remained monotone through this entire conversation, it was really beginning to grate on Connor’s nerves.
“You could go hungry.”
“And you would care why?”
“You could die? I dunno.” Connor noticed Schlatt flick his eyes up uncomfortably.
“Again, why would you care?”
“I don’t know,” Connor huffed.
“Well, when you figure it out, you know where to find me.”
The bell rang, and Schlatt disappeared with the crowd. Connor sighed. He thought he knew his role in this grand scheme of high school. Now, though, he wasn’t so sure.
Thursday, Connor noticed that Schlatt still said nothing to him when he passed him in the hall, he still ate nothing at lunch, he still read that Russian book, which Connor found out was Symposium, by Plato, so he probably wouldn't have understood it even if it were in english. Connor noticed that Schlatt didn’t actually say much. Or maybe his presence was just unwelcome. Oh well. He’d had to put up with Schlatt’s shit for a good long while, Schlatt can put up with him.
Friday, Connor said hi to him in the hall, and tried to have a friendly conversation at lunch. They talked about random things, music, hobbies. Before the bell rang, Schlatt stopped and looked Connor right in the eye.
"Why are you doing this?"
“Doing what?”
“Trying to be nice to me.”
"I-" he was interrupted by the bell. Today, Schlatt stuck around for an answer, but Connor muttered that he had to go. So he left. When he looked back, Schlatt was standing in the same place he'd left him in, eyes following him, but looking more confused than ever.
Monday, Schlatt said hey to him in the hallway. They talked again at lunch.
"This is gonna sound dark," Schlatt said.
"Bad start. Go on."
"If I disappeared, would you notice?"
"Yeah, we eat lunch together."
"Lemme rephrase that. Would you care."
"I..." Connor didn’t know what to answer to that.
"It's okay if you wouldn't, I just wanna know why you try and talk to me."
"I don’t know."
"Hm. that's fair."
"Why are you asking?" Connor squinted at him, suddenly suspicious. Schlatt shrugged.
"Dunno. Just wanted to know."
The next day, Connor had decided that he got a bit uncomfortable when he ate while other people didn’t, so he brought Schlatt a sandwich. It wasn’t the best sandwich, but Schlatt looked at it like it was the best sandwich he’d ever seen when he gave it to him. He ate it while Connor ate his food, and when he was done, he smiled at Connor like he was the most important person just then. Connor smiled back, saying how he was glad that he liked it. He felt good, for some strange reason. Then the thought hits him; he might actually care about Schlatt.
“So what’s the occasion?” Schlatt pries. Connor shrugged noncommittally despite his revelation just then.
“I just get kind of uncomfortable when I'm eating and other people I’m eating with aren't.” Schlatt’s face fell slightly.
“Oh. Sorry.”
“Nah, it’s okay, It’s not like I said anything for you to have known.” Connor reassured. Schlatt nodded, his smile a bit more forced than the genuine one a moment earlier. The bell rang, and they were both gone into the crowd again.
Schlatt’s quiet the next day at lunch, and Connor stares him down waiting for an answer. There was a nasty bruise underneath his eye, and Connor had asked what had happened. Schlatt refused to give him an answer. He just read his book, he was almost done, but not quite yet.
“Schlatt, just tell me. What happened to your eye?”
“I thought you didn’t care. What happened to that?” Schlatt asked, looking up from his book. Connor’s mouth clicked shut. Schlatt waited for a response before going back to his book. Connor huffed and pulled out his phone to flick through it. He realized he didn’t have Schlatt’s phone number. If he did have it, they could talk more!
Wait, why would he want that? He didn’t. But he did. He thought of a clever way to ask.
“Hey, can I have your number? I wanna send you this picture.” Connor said. Smooth one. Schlatt rattled off his phone number, and Connor sent a picture of a cat doing something dumb. He then saved the number in his phone. Schlatt looked at his phone, laughing when he saw the cat.
“This is a save-worthy image,” he chuckled. He also made a contact for Connor, then snuck his phone back in his pocket. “You know, you could have just asked for my number.”
“I, well…”
“I got it. Thanks.” Schlatt smiled at him, really smiled, despite the bruise on his face, despite whatever he was facing alone, he smiled at Connor. Why did that mean everything to the shorter boy?
"Why did you stop?" Connor asks one day. Schlatt looks up at him. He'd started bringing his own lunch, though most days it consisted of a single apple and some rolled up lunchmeat.
"What?"
"Picking on me, why did you stop?"
"... I felt... guilty, I guess. I thought it used to make me feel better, but it just made me feel worse, so I stopped, and tried to apologise. Why did you start talking to me?"
"I dunno. The day you apologised, you looked kinda sad at lunch, Then you sorta disappeared."
"Surprised you noticed, to be honest."
"Hey, man, you were a constant in my life for a while, I was bound to notice eventually. Thought you'd gone and died or something."
"Heh. yeah." Schlatt's voice was quiet. "That would be terrible."
"... Schlatt?"
The bell rang. Schlatt stood immediately. "Have a good day, Connor." he said as he disappeared into the crowd. Connor was always shocked at how easily he can just… disappear, for a tall guy like him.
They started calling each other at night sometimes, when one of them couldn’t sleep and found out that the other couldn’t, either. One time, Connor had a really bad nightmare and called Schlatt, who was up for some godforsaken reason, and they just ended up talking about Pokemon until Connor fell asleep on call, which was perhaps the best thing that anyone could have done for him. Schlatt just kept on talking about the lore of his favorite Pokemon, how he thinks that Mimikyu is adorable, just lonely, how he tries to save every Phantump he comes across when playing because they are the reincarnated souls of children who have died while lost in the woods, according to their lore.
Connor can always hear yelling in the background of Schlatt’s phone, but Schlatt always talks over it. He would try and address it, but Schlatt never provided him an answer. He just kept talking about whatever they were talking about before.
“Schlatt, what are they yelling about?” Connor asked one time. Schlatt went silent for a second, listening, it didn’t sound like english to him.
“They’re arguing about how if the Pikachu groups just accepted Mimikyu, we would have a lot less violent Mimikyus running around.” There was a tremor in the boy’s voice.
“Schlatt.”
“You ever think about, uh, Dittos? I don’t know why, I just like them. Their stupid fucking faces.” Schlatt’s voice sounded thick.
“Schlatt. What’s the matter?”
“Mimes, man, they just latch onto single mothers in the Poke-verse and they just act like service bottoms! They’re practically silent step-dads, but they just seem so malicious. How did Ash ever put up with that?” His voice broke, and he went silent as thumps could be heard on the other side of the line, then a loud pounding on the door. Schlatt hung up the phone.
Connor had difficulty falling asleep. It was just as well, because an hour later, he got a text from Schlatt, asking if he was still up. Connor automatically called, since that was what they normally did when one of them asked that question. It was declined immediately, and Schlatt messaged him an explanation.
Jschlatt messaged you: not a good time
You message Jschlatt: you ok?
Jschlatt messaged you: i need an excuse to get out.
You message Jschlatt: oshit, you wanna come over to my place?
Jschlatt messaged you: i dont wanna be inconvenient.
You message Jschlatt: you wont be, its ok.
Jschlatt messaged you: you sure? ok then…
Schlatt showed up outside Connor’s house at around one-thirty in the morning. Connor brought him up to his room, where he turned on the light with the door closed, assessing Schlatt. He had a few new bruises, and a bloody lip that Connor noticed when Schlatt tried to smile at him.
“So how’s your night been going? I hope I didn't wake you up with my message,” Schlatt said, tone too conversational for whatever had clearly just happened at home.
“No, I was already up. You okay?” Connor asked.
“Yeah. Thanks for letting me come over, by the way, you didn’t have to.” There was a lull in conversation, quieting the room. “You have a nice house. Your room is cool. Mine is pretty boring.”
“Yeah? What do you have in your room?”
“Uh, a whiteboard and a cardboard cutout of the pope.”
“Are you serious?”
“He watches over me as I sleep.”
“That’s not creepy.”
“No. Not at all.” There was another tense pause. A question filtered into Connor’s mind.
“Hey Schlatt?”
“Yeah?”
“Why did you say it would be terrible if you died?”
“It… would be?”
“Well, yeah, but you said it sarcastically.” Connor tilted his head, waiting for a response. Schlatt gave him one, after a few seconds.
“You don’t wanna know,” the boy said, expression dark and unreadable.
“I do.”
“I don’t wanna be a fucking pity case, Connor.”
“Hey, I’m not perfect either.”
“Fine. I tried to kill myself. That weekend. I apologized to you, that was my last... the last thing I felt like I had to do, other than drop all my toxic ‘friends’, which I’d been doing weeks prior. But. I failed. I guess. And now I’m here.” Schlatt shrugged. Connor’s eyes were wide. He was in shock.
“Really? How?”
“I overdosed. Not enough, apparently, cause I’m still kicking, but I guess I learned something.”
“What?”
“Fucking shoot myself next time,” he said with a laugh. Connor frowned. Schlatt stopped laughing. “Sorry. I know. Not funny, didn’t laugh. I did learn, though, that my parents don’t give a shit about me. That’s... something. I guess.”
“Really? How’s you come to that conclusion?”
“They fucking left me.” Schlatt’s smirk was bitter.
“What??”
“Passed out on my bathroom floor, fucking dying... I got up with a killer headache and came down and they said ‘finally. You missed three days of school.’ Then I showed up on Wednesday.”
“They left you for that long?”
“They don’t give a shit about me unless it’s about school. Apparently they tried to wake me up, but they couldn’t, and so they just left me there. I think it’s kinda funny.”
“Schlatt! That’s serious!”
“Oh well. I failed, right? What’s the big deal? Thought you didn’t care, anyway. If you start just because of this, I’m gonna be mad.”
“No, I have cared for a while, Schlatt. I just. How do you react to this?” he admitted.
“Suppose it is a bit of a bombshell. Sorry, I talk a lot when I’m anxious, I’ll shut up.” They sat in silence for a while, Schlatt looking at his hands and fiddling with one of the strings on his sweatpants. Connor thought for a second, then decided that Schlatt looked like he needed a hug. More suddenly than he’d meant to, he lunged forward and gave Schlatt a big hug.
Schlatt froze, breathing shallowly, until it was clear that Connor was not gonna hurt him, which helps him calm down a bit, even awkwardly trying to hug back.
They sit like that for a minute, before Schlatt lets his head drop into Connor’s shoulder with a sigh. After a few more minutes, Connor feels Schlatt’s shoulders shake slightly.
“Are you...?”
“No.” His voice is quiet, but he grips Connor like a lifeline as he tries in vain to stop crying, it’s just a hug, but he’s just so overwhelmed with everything, it’s hard not to. Connor rubs circles into his back as he cries, sobs quietly into his shoulder, wondering how younger him would react if he told him that he would be comforting his former tormenter someday.
Connor just hugs Schlatt and lets him cry, Schlatt can’t help but feel like he doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve kindness, least of all from Connor.
“Why are you so nice to me?” He asks, as steadily as he can manage.
“Everyone deserves kindness,” Connor says.
“Not me, I was a fucking dick to you from day one.” His voice is muffled by Connor’s shirt
“But you changed. You stopped being mean.”
“I’m sorry. You must fucking hate me.”
“Why would I hate you?”
“I text you in the middle of the night on a school night, then I keep you up, I was so mean to you, how can you just brush that under the rug?”
“Because I forgave you.”
“I don’t know how, but okay, I guess.”
“Are you tired?”
“A bit.” He sounds exhausted. “I’ll go home. Sorry for overstaying my welcome.”
“No no no,” Connor is quick to reassure, “I was just gonna ask if you wanted to sleep here?”
“Oh. If you’re sure. Thanks.” Schlatt smiles at him, a tired, soft thing. Connor hugs him again, and he feels Schlatt smiling against his shoulder.
They have to get up for school tomorrow, but for now they can sleep.
They have to face the world tomorrow, but for now they can sleep.
And even if, when they turn to face the music, everything goes bad, they’ll have each other to fall back on.
And that’s something.