Chapter Text
“If I tell you things will never be the same” Marinette was in a panic, she didn’t want to lose her best friend but she knew Alya wouldn’t look at her the same way if she knew about her being Ladybug. In her mind, it could only go one of two ways, either Alya would start idolizing her or shun her because of all the lies she had told over the past few months.
“It’s going to destroy everything, change it all” she knew in her heart that it was true. This wasn’t some small trivial problem that Alya would be able to help with and brush off afterwards. It is life-changing, dangerous even. She knew Alya could reject Akumas and she knew that Alya would never tell anyone but there was always the possibility of slipping up and if she were to be captured, it would spell disaster for both her and Chat Noir.
“Marinette, whatever you’ll say, I’m your friend.” Alya was the most caring and the bravest person she knew. From the moment they met, Marinette had trusted her. Trusted her enough to give her the earrings, even though that didn’t work out. She would never give being Ladybug up now though, her superhero persona was a part of her and even though it is difficult and may mean that she might never have the same relationships that others have, it is worth it. Being Ladybug is a choice as much as the guardianship was forced on her. She may lose her memories one day, but it will all be worth it in the end.
“And I-“ she didn’t know what made the words form on her lips, made her speak the truth that she had hidden for months without anyone realizing. It might have been the desperation that pushed her forward, the need for someone to confide in and to understand her in a way that no one else did.
“I am Ladybug…” She could see the moment Alya’s eyes widened with the revelation that her best friend was the superheroine she practically worshipped. It felt like a lifetime, although it had probably only been a few seconds until Alya’s features softened into understanding and she wrapped her arms around Marinette, it was then that the tears started to fall as the bluenette sobbed into her friend’s shirt. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders, one that a 14-year-old should never have to bear.
When Marinette finally pulled away from Alya, tears staining her eyes puffy red eyes and cheeks, hair coming undone and looking like she hadn’t slept in 48 hours. Which she probably hadn’t.
“God I look like a mess,” she tried to laugh but grimaced instead.
Alya shook her head, “No, girl. You look like someone who has been through a lot. I didn’t realise how bad it had gotten. I should have noticed. I didn’t even know you and Luka had broken up until Julika told Rose who told Mylene who told Alex then she told me.”
Marinette’s shoulders sagged further as she began to curl in on herself, “I’m sorry” she whispered. It was almost too quiet for anyone to hear, but Alya did.
She reached out to touch Marinette’s shoulder, hoping to bring her best friend some semblance of comfort. “There is nothing to apologise for. A lot of things are starting to add up in my head about you and if you didn’t need my help right now i would seriously be freaking out.”
Well, at least that was better than the shunning scenario she had conjured up in her brain. Alya is actually taking it pretty well, better than she would if she found out her best friend was a superhero.
“I’m fine, I guess all I really needed was a good cry and someone to talk to.” she shrugged, knowing there was a lot more to it than that.
She felt a small tap on her head from behind and found Tikki floating there, trying to get her attention.
“Hey, Tikki. Are you ok?” Tikki looked very tired, she felt bad for transforming so much today. It wasn’t fair on her Kwami so she decided that maybe it was a good idea to take a few days off. Unless Hawkmoth attacked, she would meet with Chat next patrol and ask him to cover for her over the next few days and hopefully, both Tikki and herself would feel a little better. Maybe now that Alya knows, she could even help Chat on patrol just this once.
“I’m ok, I just wanted to ask where you put the spare cookies. I ate all of the ones in your bag.” Tikki said as Alya was eyeing the little god-like she was the most interesting thing in the world.
The brunette tilted her head, “Is this your Kwami, she is really cute.”
“Mhmm, this is Tikki. The Kwami of creation and the only being that has known I was Ladybug until now. I don’t know how I would have handled being Ladybug let alone being the guardian without her.” Marinette then turned to answer Tikki, “The jar is in my underwear draw, I moved them after Mama came up to look for something and found the jar in my desk.”
“Even with me, you haven’t been handling it very well, Marinette. But thank you for the cookies.”
“Your welcome.” Marinette rubbed Tikki’s head affectionately and fluttered away into her chosen’s cupboard.
Marinette noticed Alya taking a big breath, “You really haven’t been doing very well, have you?” Maybe it was a mistake telling her, she shouldn’t have put her burdens on her best friend like that. It wasn’t fair.
“I told you I’m fine.”
“You’re clearly not, girl. You really need to talk to someone about this, and now that you finally opened up to me I can be that person. I meant what I said, we can share the burden together.”
Marinette shook her head, no one would ever understand, “It’s not like that, Alya. This is something that no one but Chat and I can understand and even then he can’t understand the extra responsibility of being the guardian. I’ve been trying to handle it, trying to find a way that takes some of the weight off but it only gets heavier, not lighter.”
“Well, how do you feel now that you have told someone?”
“Actually… this is the first time the weight doesn’t seem to be drowning me. I feel like I can breathe again.”
Alya smiled, glad that her friend was talking to her again. “Ok, now that that is settled, I want to know everything. Not just because I’m your biggest fan but also because I’m your friend and you clearly need to unload on someone. You can tell me anything, I’m here for you.”
Marinette froze for a minute, it felt weird to be talking about this. There was a little part of her that hoped Alya would merely accept it and understand why she had to run away sometimes, why she kept secrets, which would mean they could still be friends. That there would be a mutual avoidance of the subject, but of course that wouldn’t happen. She knew they needed to talk and better now than never.
The bluenette laid back on her couch and closed her eyes, working up the courage to speak. “Ok, what do you want to know?”
She could sense the movement of Alya shrugging her shoulders from behind her eyelids. “How about the beginning and work your way until now. You don’t need to tell me everything, just the things you want to share or that are important.”
“Ok from the beginning then” Marinette took a deep breath and started recounting everything relevant that had happened over the last few months, nearly a year.
“Do you remember the day when hawkmoth first showed up?”
“Of course, who doesn’t?”
“Well, that morning i was running to get to school when an old man fell over on the road. I jumped out to help him, pulling him out of the way but what I didn’t know is that was actually a test. He was the guardian of the Miraculous and when I got home the earrings were waiting for me.” Marinette explained what had happened that day, that she had literally fallen into Chat Noir and what she had said when he had asked her name “I didn’t even answer him, all I said was ‘I’m madly clumsy,’” and they both laughed at that.
Marinette even told Alya about putting the earrings in her bag after she had failed to defeat stoneheart the first time. She then told her that it was both her and Chat Noir that gave her the courage to stand up to Hawkmoth. Alya was shocked at that but understood and was grateful that her best friend had taken the earring back. Marinette was made to be a hero and Alya was there to help her.
She then went on to tell Alya about Lila, how everything that she said was a lie, she was clearly devastated and vowed to take all of the articles written about Lila off of the Ladyblog.
Marinette also told her about how she became the guardian and what happened with Miracle queen. The Miraculous cure also erased the memories of everyone who found out about the chosen holders identities, including Hawkmoth, which is why she was able to call upon Rena Rouge today. It couldn’t erase the damage of a guardian’s lost memories though, which is what she told Alya.
“You see, I was able to control the stress of being Ladybug when I had a mentor to talk to but now what he is gone… I’m all alone and the stress has been eating at me.”
Alya gave her the kindest and most reassuring smile she could manage and said “You’re not alone anymore, girl. You have me now and always will.” Marinette returned the smile with a tired one of her own.
They also talked about how she had helped defeat Evilistrator as her civilian self and Chat’s lame puns. They talked about him a lot, about the kind of person he is and about his overwhelming crush on her. “Don’t get me wrong, If things weren’t so complicated with identities and the two other boys who have my heart I might have even fallen for Chat. That’s the thing though, I can’t let my brain go down that path because It might lead to something dangerous.”
“So you think you might love him?” Alya asked and Marinette honestly didn’t know how to answer. Although she tried anyway.
“Of course I love him... I’m just... not sure If it’s the same kind of love he feels towards me.
“Girls! Dinner is ready!” Mr Dupain yells from down in the kitchen.
Marinette gets up off of the couch and heads towards the hatch with Alya behind her. Abruptly she whirls around to face the brunette with a stunned expression.
“What am I going to tell Chat! I can’t reveal my identity to him and we both promised that If we were ever going to tell anyone, it would be each other first and foremost. He is going to be so disappointed.”
“Hey, It’s ok. He will understand if you explain it to him. You might even want to confide in him, maybe not in as much detail as you have with me but at least let him know what has been going on. He probably worried about you and everyone knows how much he cares about you. You two have been dancing around each other and I think it’s time for you to let him in. Who knows, you might even become stronger as a team if you do.”
She knew Alya was right, that she should let him in but it terrified her that he might find out something about her that might make him turn tail and run. She wouldn’t blame him, she is a mess.
“Ok I’ll try” she nodded. She would definitely try.
“Then let’s go eat and I will even ask if I could sleepover, If you would like to that is.
“There isn’t anything I would love more.”