Work Text:
2001
Michelle Jones is born on June 10th. Her father holds her tenderly, for what that's worth. Two months after she is born, he gets in an argument with her mother while their baby sleeps in the other room. Maddie's sick of him expecting everything from her just because he is the one working. She's getting little to no sleep every night, and she doesn't need him bitching because his dinner didn't taste right and making her feel guilty when she's not in the mood to do anything with him. He says she's ungrateful. She says he's being an asshole.
He smashes the bedside lamp at her feet in response. Don't fuck with me, woman, he says.
Harry Potter by JK Rowling is #1 on the Top 10 Most Challenged Books list.
2009 (Age 7-8)
When MJ reads a library copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone for the first time, she falls in love.
She wishes she could go to Hogwarts too. Then she wouldn't have to hide in her closet every time her father got in one of his moods. She could just live in the Gryfindor dorms and spend her year with friends. She wished she had friends... she doesn't get along with the kids in school. They think she's too nerdy, too quiet. The only time the girls pay attention to her is to pull her curls. The only time the boys do is to steal her lunch. So she doesn't try to make friends and instead, spends her recess hour in the school library.
She's pretty sure Harry, Ron, and Hermione would be her friends. Especially Hermione.
2010 (Age 8-9)
When MJ finishes Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, she cries. The journey with her friends is over. They have grown up, married, and had kids, all while she remains: eight years old and alone.
That is, until a new girl comes to school. Jun. When the teacher steps out of the room, the other kids start to make fun of her monolid eyes, calling her names. "Stop!"
They turn to see Michelle, for the first time, speak up. "Leave her alone."
The bullies roll their eyes.
At lunch, Jun finds Michelle, but doesn't say thank you. "I didn't need your help, you know." The girl crosses her arms and sits down across from Michelle.
Michelle shrugs. "You didn't need it, but I still wanted to give it."
Jun says nothing, but she doesn't move. When both girls pull out books from their bags, along with their lunches, they smile despite themselves. They're books from the same series, A Series of Unfortunate Events. Jun is two books ahead. It was a friendship meant to be. At least, that's what she thought.
A week later, Michelle invites Jun to her house. Her father ordered her the first Harry Potter movie online, and it finally came. When Michelle first told Jun she was an avid Harry Potter fan, the girls nose wrinkled. "I don't like Cho Chang," she explained. "Her name doesn't even make sense. It isn't Chinese." Still, they decide to watch the movie, because "Hermione is worth it."
Twenty minutes in, Mr. Jones comes home from work early.
He's angry. He breaks things. They quietly turn off the movie and retreat to MJ's room. MJ shows Jun where she hides, in the closet.
Jun shakes like a leaf as she leaves. And when she sees Michelle at school the next day, she simply shakes her head at her (former) friend. "I'm not allowed to hang out with you anymore," she says. "My mom's afraid your dad will hurt me." Then she turns away.
MJ decides friends are overrated.
July 7, 2011 (Age 10)
Maddie takes her daughter to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2. It was against her husband's wishes ("It's midnight! Too late for a little girl to be out!") but she does it anyways. She hates how her daughter has quickly withered away while watching her parents' drama. She hates how her focus has become keeping Philip happy. She hates how they both have to walk on eggshells every single day to avoid violence.
Philip will be angry she disobeyed him. She'll have to pay for this later, but it's worth seeing her daughter smile for the first time in a very long time.
June 2012 (Age 11)
Of course, her Hogwarts letter doesn't come.
For her birthday, her father doesn't buy her anything. Her mother assures her it's because he's too busy. She doesn't see how his busy schedule would excuse him throwing the plates that he told Maddie to fucking throw away onto the floor. She has to step around the shards as she runs to her room to hide. He yells for so long that his voice becomes scratchy. He threatens to kill Maddie.
A few days later, he buys MJ an entire collection of the Harry Potter books "as a late birthday present." She knows what it really is. An apology. But she knows it's not an apology. If he was really sorry, he wouldn't hurt her mom anymore.
She's starting to notice that some of the things in the Harry Potter books are stupid anyways. Why are the house elves so happy being slaves? Why didn't someone take a time turner and solve all the problems retroactively? Why does Harry name his kid after Snape out of all people? Snape? Were his actions- his abuse towards the kids- justified, just because he loved someone once? Still, when it comes, she smiles and hugs him. To keep the peace.
Summer 2014 (Age 13)
MJ is sitting on the couch, watching some show, when her father plops down besides her. "Hey, Shelley girl." He tries to ruffle her hair, but she pulls back.
He frowns.
She frowns back.
She's over this. She can't take pretending everything is okay anymore. "I'm not a kid anymore, Dad."
He yells at her, and this is when her courage dissolves. He's so much bigger than her and so much louder. He yells and yells and yells. He throws the dinner table chairs. She apologizes over and over, but he doesn't believe her. "I've given so much for you!" Her mother finally yells at him to stop, which just makes him angrier. She doesn't stop yelling, though. She's at her tipping point too.
He pushes Maddie against the wall, hands against her throat, roaring about how he was going to kill them both. Ungrateful women. Selfish. Spending all of his money. MJ tugs at his sleeve, begging him to stop. Dad. Please! Please! She's going to die! Does he hear her? Does she even exist? Maddie claws at his hands. Please, Dad. Please. MJ starts to sob.
He lets go, smirks at his daughter, then goes into his office.
-
A few days later, they leave while he's at work. She can only take what she can carry. She carries her clothes in a large plastic bag, and on top, chooses to place the one book she can carry: her worn copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone instead. It reminds her of the few times her father showed her kindness. Even after everything, all she wanted was a dad who loved her.
They go to New York City and camp out in domestic violence shelter until Maddie can get a job and they get their bearings.
They are lucky that the legal battle of divorce is short. Once he sees the evidence against him- pictures of broken house items and so many bruises on Maddie's body, pictures dating back years- Philip backs down. Well, after she threatens to tell his firm, he does. The one thing he cares about more than them is his job. And he has an assistant he's been fucking anyways, Marie tells her daughter.
MJ's only interested in their survival. She doesn't let herself feel bad for that assistant or whichever women he traps next.
On the first day of schooler mother tells her to make friends at her new school. She finds the school library instead. She spends the lunch period rereading her Harry Potter book.
It doesn't comfort her as much as it used to.
2016-2024 (Age 14,15, 16, 17)
Some things are unforgivable. Like nosed hooked goblins, clearly an antisemitic stereotype. Like Cho Chang's name and house placing. Like Dumbledore's retroactive gayness. Like Snape forgiveness. Like happy slave elves.
Like abusing your wife and child.
MJ's given up on people, including her father. She has to prepare for high school; she wants to go to Midtown School of Science and Technology because she's bene told its the best. The best can get her a scholarship- she's not about to ask her father for help for college, and her mother's working hard just to keep them afloat. No, MJ is the one who has to put herself through college. That means a good high school. Midtown isn't exactly easy to get into. You have to write two essays and submit your eight grade report card. She studies hard, making sure her state exams are in the highest percentile and her grades are all A's. She gets in.
Midtown is the same as middle school, except the kids are nerdier. It's a little comforting to see the library a little more full than she's used to, full with any book she could ask for. She knows universities and scholarship committees look for clubs on your academic resume, so she joins the Academic Decathlon team. She's good. Real good. It's the first time she gets any respect from her peers beyond Jun, and she can't help but like the comforting familiarity of the group.
She gravitates towards Ned and Peter especially. Since freshmen year, they've been inseparable, and she's... jealous. She's jealous of the way they are close to each other in such an effortless way. And. Something more happens at the beginning of sophomore year. She feels bubbles in her chest when Peter makes eye contact with her during class. She follows him around, wanting to know everything about him, about his life. She decides she wants to have friends. She wants to put herself out there. She helps her team win Decathlon. She goes to Homecoming with Ned when he invites her to go with him (as friends). She tells the team to call her MJ.
Then the blip.
Life, changed in an instant. Still, still, she's nervous about telling Peter her feelings. What if he rejects her? What if this putting-yourself-out-there idea is bullshit? She built walls up to protect herself during her childhood, and they were there for a good reason. When her walls come down, she is exposed to the possibility of hurt. Of her love being unpure. She wants to love kindly, softly. She's terrified of her love being violent. She doesn't want to hurt anyone. Ever.
What if he hurts her?
Then he shows her the black dahlia necklace, the violence of a woman's death captured in such a pristine way. Broken. Peter holds something damaged so gently. She knows he'd hold her just as softly. On the airplane ride home, he falls asleep with his head on her shoulder. Slowly, she relaxes, careful not to wake him. She lets her fear go, and rests her head against his. He makes her believe love can be kind.
When she gets home, she turns her copy of The Sorcerer's Stone into blackout poetry. Fuck that transphobic bitch. MJ's perfectly fine reading queer Harry Potter fanfic instead.