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It’s just a normal day, at first.
But that was how things always started, wasn’t it? Whenever something tragic happened there was almost always one thing everyone agreed on: no one saw it coming. That was just the nature of tragedy: things were normal, and then suddenly they weren’t.
This was no exception. When they pulled up on the scene, when they geared up for the rescue and Captains Strand and Vega doled out instructions, they had no way of knowing how badly it was going to end. It was something they’d have to be reminded of later — that they couldn’t have known, that they weren’t to blame. Would it make any difference? Probably not, but the fact remained.
They arrived at the scene to get the rundown from the APD responding unit: someone had collapsed on the roof. No one knew who it was or why they were on the roof. All they knew is that a passerby had spotted a limp arm dangling over the edge and had called 911.
“Okay team,” Owen began after he discussed with the officer, “I want two people up to help with the rescue. Marwani, Strickland that’s you. Captain Vega, if we can get a medic up there it would be helpful, tell us what we’re dealing with.”
Tommy nodded and threw a glance at TK and Nancy, “You two decide who is going up and grab your gear.”
The two paramedics studied each other for a moment before Nancy shook her head, “That is all you dude,” she said. “I don’t mind heights, but I’d rather not if I don’t have to.”
“Your loss,” TK quipped as he gathered the proper equipment, excitement visible.
“You do realize it’s not normal to be this excited about climbing to the top of a 4 story building, right?” Nancy asked her partner, who ignored her. “It’s a little concerning if I’m being honest, Strand.”
“You’re just jealous,” TK tossed back with a grin as he shouldered his pack.
“No, I’m really not.”
“Children,” Tommy interjected mildly, causing both paramedics to quiet as she rolled her eyes.
Owen shook his head as he looked to the rest of his crew. “Ryder, get the ladder going and Chavez be ready to grab whatever other equipment they might need. You’ll be the runner.”
There was a chorus of “copy” as they all set into motion, a flurry of organized chaos on the ground. Paul and Marjan grabbed the rescue basket and met TK at the base of the ladder.
“I told you not much would change when I switched to medical,” he told them with a grin. “We still get to do some rescues together after all.”
“That’s just because you are too much of an adrenaline junkie to keep your feet on the ground,” Marjan pointed out lightly, receiving a snort in return.
“Takes one to know one.”
Paul rolled his eyes as he grabbed the ladder and pulled himself up, “Yes, you’re both very daring. Now hand me that basket so we can get up there and get this guy off the roof.”
Marjan bumped a shoulder into TK before grabbing the basket in question. He grabbed the other end and together they hoisted it up onto the ladder so Paul could drag it behind him. Marjan assisted from behind with TK bringing up the rear with the medical gear. They reached the top without incident and stepped out onto the roof one by one. TK went immediately to the fallen figure as Paul surveyed the area once he and Marjan had set down the basket.
“Looks like he was up here repairing something,” Paul noted, gesturing to the tool box by the access door. “Must have gotten locked out or something.”
“And tripped over something, knocking himself out,” TK added, lifting up a gloved hand with blood on it to show them. “All other vitals are normal, he just knocked himself out. Sir,” he said to the downed figure, “can you hear me?”
He prodded the man lightly on the shoulder and waited for a response. When he got none he tried again, speaking a little louder as Marjan and Paul got the basket ready for him. After another try TK shook his head, “He is well and truly out,” he announced, “but his pulse and respirations are normal. Guess we just need to get him down.”
“Way ahead of you dude,” Marjan announced, gesturing towards the fully prepped basket.
TK nodded and spoke into his radio, “Patient is stable, getting ready to transport him back down, Cap.”
“Copy that Strand,” came the distorted voice of Tommy through the radio, “we’ll be ready for you here on the ground.”
TK, who had just finished running the IV line, nodded to Paul and Marjan. “Can you help me move him?”
They nodded and took up positions at the man’s hip and legs. Once they were ready TK spoke. “Okay,” he instructed, “on 3. 1, 2…”
The last number was lost as they lifted him up and placed him carefully in the basket, securing the straps tightly around his still form.
“I’ll go first,” TK told them. “Once I’m on the ladder you can pass the basket down to me.”
“Well get going then,” Marjan said lightly, “what are you waiting for?”
TK rolled his eyes and stepped carefully over the edge, swinging his leg back onto the ladder.
It was a simple maneuver; he had done it more times than he could possibly count over the 7 years of his career. He went through the motions without blinking, not even giving a thought to movements. It was pure muscle memory, and it had never let him down.
But today was different in a way no one could predict. At the exact same moment the mechanics of the ladder malfunctioned and the lock holding the ladder in place let go, causing the ladder to jerk violently. The sudden motion countered TK’s tenuous balance on the top of the ladder, causing him to slip. If asked later, all three members of the 126 on the roof would say that the single instant seemed to stretch on for several as they all watched in horror.
TK’s eyes grew wide, which would have been comical, in any other instance. He flailed, trying to readjust his grip on the ladder, to pull himself back to safety. His friends did the same, reaching down and grabbing for him, desperately groping for his arms in hope of stopping his plummet. But they were too slow and there was no stopping him as he flipped over the edge of the ladder and fell to the ground.
There were shouts all around as the rest of the team and the spectators watched in horror. TK hit the ground with a dull thud, and there was another moment of collective horror before movement erupted.
“Judd, figure out what went wrong with the ladder and get Paul and Marjan down here with the victim now,” Owen shouted into his radio even as he ran. “Captain Vega!”
But Tommy was already in step with him, Nancy not far behind. They reached TK’s still form at the same time and while Tommy and Nancy were on their knees beside him in an instant, Owen stopped; frozen with fear as he stared down at the splayed body of his son, hardly daring to breathe.
There was a tense silence filling the air around them but Owen couldn’t stand it. His son had just...he could be....TK might…
His head was a jumble of thoughts, each abandoned before they reached the end and the awful possibility. “Tommy,” he asked weakly, aware that his voice was shaking, “is he…”
“He’s alive,” Tommy confirmed and Owen felt himself sag in relief. But Tommy’s expression was still tense and Owen felt the fear creeping back into his mind. Before he could give voice to any of the fears running through his mind, Tommy leaned forward, tapping TK on the shoulder firmly.
“TK, can you hear me?”
There was no response and Owen could feel his dread build.
“TK,” Tommy said again, “come on, I need you to wake up so I know what we’re dealing with.”
She tapped him again and after several more long, heart-stopping minutes TK’s eyes opened slowly. “Cap?” he croaked, and Tommy gave him a tight grin.
“Yeah, kid. Can you tell me how you’re feeling?”
“Sore,” he answered and Owen had to repress a snort.
“That’s not surprising,” Tommy answered evenly. “Nancy and I are going to do our checks, we just need to know what you’re feeling, alright? You know the drill.”
Owen heard footsteps beside him and glanced over to see Judd appear at his side. His face was pale as he looked down at TK before he swallowed and addressed Owen. “Cap, I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry, I can’t…” he trailed off, voice thick and eyes never leaving TK’s form, barely visible between Tommy and Nancy.
“Not your fault, Judd,” Owen assured him softly because no matter what the cause turned out to be he knew for a fact that Judd would never have done anything to put any of the crew at risk. Whatever had happened, it was nobody’s fault.
He stepped closer now, entering TK’s field of vision and giving him a reassuring smile, “Hey kiddo.”
“Hey dad,” he replied weakly. “You don’t have to look so worried, I’m not in much pain.”
“You fell 40 feet TK,” he countered, “I’m going to be worried no matter what you say.”
TK’s rebuttal was interrupted by Nancy calling his attention to her. “TK, can you feel this?”
TK frowned and turned his head towards her voice, “Feel what?”
Nancy exchanged a grim look with Tommy as she removed her hand still from TK’s thigh. There was dead silence as the realization dawned on the group. Owen distantly saw Judd turn away, hand over his mouth but he only had eyes for his son, whose eyes were widening in realization.
“No,” he said softly at first, eyes flicking up to find Owen. “No, this can’t be happening.”
His voice was growing more frantic and his breathing faster. Owen reached out a hand and placed it on his chest.
“Breathe, TK,” he told him firmly. “Just breathe. We don’t know anything yet. We need to get you to the hospital and have a doctor take a look.”
“I can’t feel it, dad,” TK whimpered. “And I can’t move my legs. I don’t even need to be a paramedic to know what that means.”
“Your dad’s right,” Tommy interrupted bracingly. “All we know is that you can’t feel it at the moment. There are any number of reasons for that, as you know. Once we get some scans we’ll have a better idea of what’s going on, okay? There’s no sense panicking right now.”
To Owen’s relief and surprise, TK nodded and took a deep breath. He even tried to give Nancy a small smile as she fit the c-collar around his neck with trembling hands. She returned it as Tommy called out for someone to bring the backboard. Paul did, Judd on his heels.
The older firefighter paused beside Owen as Paul set down the backboard and spoke softly to TK. “I had dispatch stand us down,” he informed Owen. “I don’t think anyone’s in the right headspace to do our jobs safely just yet. Not until we know more.”
Owen nodded, “Thank you, Judd.”
It should have been his call, he should have handled it. But he was glad Judd did because not for one single moment had any thought past the fact that TK couldn’t move his legs enter his mind. Judd simply nodded and looked back at TK, expression grim. Owen could hear the storm inside his head but he had just watched his son fall 40 feet and there was room in his own head for little else just yet. He had no comforting words to offer because, unlike so many other times, he wasn’t sure it would be alright.
“Captain Strand.”
Tommy’s voice pulled him back to reality. He looked at her to find her watching him carefully, “We have two patients to transport so we won’t have any room for you to ride with, unless you want to ride up front.”
Owen shook his head, “I don’t want to get in the way. We’ll be right behind you.”
She nodded and gestured for Paul to help her lift the backboard and bring it to the ambulance where Nancy was already getting the other patient - who was awake and aware now - settled. It was only another moment before Nancy walked around to the front and the ambulance pulled away, leaving a stunned fire crew in its wake.
Owen swallowed and glanced around at his remaining crew, all in various stages of shock as they looked in the direction the ambulance had disappeared.
“He’s going to be okay,” Mateo said tentatively, voice clear and loud against the tense silence. “Right?”
He glanced at Marjan, who was standing beside him but all she could do was shake her head and wipe angrily at the tears that had escaped her eyes. Paul clapped a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it and Owen’s eyes sought Judd once more. He was leaning against the side of the ladder truck, eyes closed as his lips moved in silent prayer.
Owen closed his own eyes and took a deep breath. He couldn’t get the image of TK falling out of his head, or the look of horror on his son’s face when he realized just what might be wrong. He knew his team needed reassurance and normally, he’d be more than happy to provide it. A few glib words in the face of adversity was kind of his thing, after all.
But this was a fear he didn’t know how to soften, so he stayed quiet.
“Let’s get everything wrapped up,” he said instead, eventually. “We have somewhere we need to be.”
The ride in the ambulance passed in a blur. He could hear Tommy talking to him and he knew he should answer; he owed his captain that, at least, but he was stuck. He was too busy spiraling at the thought of what was to come, of what it might all mean. Of what he stood to lose.
He was a paramedic, he knew exactly how bad of a situation this was. And at the moment his was so bad he didn’t even need to be a paramedic to know. He couldn’t move his legs, he had no sensation from the waist down: just about anyone could tell you what that meant. There was a word in his head that he was trying to avoid but he couldn’t avoid the implications of it: you needed working legs to work for the fire department.
He knew it was foolish, that he should be grateful to be alive (he had fallen 4 stories, after all) but he couldn’t shake the sinking feeling that if the worst was true he wasn’t sure what meaning his life would have any more.
Eventually, the ambulance came to a stop and he was wheeled away for exams and tests. He did his best to return Nancy and Tommy’s well-wishes, but he knew it was a lackluster attempt at best. From there it was non-stop motion: an endless stream of noise and voices saying terms that he knew should mean something but it all filtered into his head as white noise that got lost in the fog of his panic. He was poked and prodded, asked questions he endeavored to answer, and put through a bevy of scans. It seemed like an eternity before he was finally wheeled into a room and joined by his father.
It’s a relief to not be alone, but he can tell that his dad is feeling the same panic he is and doing a very bad job at hiding it. His smile is glass that is liable to shatter at the slightest sound as he runs a hand through TK’s hair, “How are you feeling son?”
“Still not in any pain,” he assured his dad, but they both know that’s not even half the story.
His dad nods though and reaches down to squeeze his arm. “No matter what happens TK,” he starts, “I’m going to be here for you, okay?”
His dad is peering at him intensely and there is so much TK wants to say to that, so many doubts rooted in his own fear that he has. So many things he doesn’t want to say because he knows each and every one of them would shatter his father’s delicate composure and he can’t handle that right now.
He is almost relieved to see a doctor enter the room and prevent any retort he could have possibly given until he remembers that the news the doctor has could upend his entire life. He feels his dad’s hand tighten on his arm and he looks at the doctor expectantly.
The doctor steps further into the room and starts speaking without having to be asked and explains: there had been no obvious signs of anything broken or damaged, but all the muscles and tendons surrounding his spine were inflamed, likely from the serious bruising that came with falling nearly 40 feet. It was likely that the swelling was what was restricting his movements and that once it went down his mobility would return, probably.
The doctor seemed hopeful but TK wasn’t quite ready to buy it. He didn’t want to get his hopes up only to have them dashed when the worst turned out to be true.
But he saw the look of hope on his dad’s face and couldn’t bring himself to dim it. So he plastered on a smile and nodded, thanking the doctor.
The doctor left him alone with his father who gave him a genuine smile and squeezed his arm tightly, “That’s good news!” he exclaimed and TK forced a smile.
“Yeah, yeah it is.”
And it was, objectively. Nothing broken means there is still a chance. But the not knowing was what got him and he hated the uncertainty. He doesn’t want to hang his hopes on a chance; experience has shown him those chances are often not strong enough to hold the weight.
“The rest of the team is here,” his dad asked, looking down at him intently. “Do you want to see them or do you want me to tell them you need some rest?”
“No, they can come in,” TK replied and his dad smiled before squeezing his arm again. “This is good,” he reminded him, and TK managed one more smile before his dad steps out of the room.
He allows himself a moment to breathe before his friends arrive. They don’t need to be worrying about him too, they all have enough to worry about in their own lives. He just needs to keep up a brave face. So he plasters on a smile as they file in, offering a half-hearted wave as they approach, “Hey guys.”
Marjan is the first to approach, coming to a stop at the side of his bed and studying him. She looks him up and down before looking at him with furrowed eyebrows, “Don’t you ever do that again. I think you took three years off of my life, Strand. How are you feeling?”
“Fine.”
He was met with four unimpressed stares so he sighed and rephrased, “Not great, but I’m not in any pain and the doctors say that it’s likely only temporary. So fine, really.”
Paul did not look like he believed him for a moment. “You know, no matter what happens, we’ve got your back man, no matter what.”
“I know that,” TK assured him because he did. If there was one thing in all of this he was certain of, it was that his friends had his back, no matter what. There were so many questions flying through his head, but that was not one of them.
“I’m so sorry kid,” Judd said softly and TK looked up to him with a start. “This is my fault. I was operating the aerial, whatever happened, that’s on me.”
“No, it’s not Judd.”
The older man looked like he wanted to argue so TK repeated himself, “It’s not your fault. If something happened with the ladder, that’s not on you. You would have never done something to hurt me or any of us. Whatever happened is not on you and I don’t blame you.”
Judd met his eyes and TK smiled at him, the first genuine smile he had given since it happened. He may be scared out of his mind and he may be much more worried than he was letting on, but this was not Judd or anyone else’s fault, and he needed them to know that. “Okay?” he asked, and relaxed when Judd nodded.
“How long until you know for sure?” Mateo chimed in, voice small and voicing the question TK himself had been pushing to the back of his mind: how much longer until they ran out of waiting and he had to face the inevitable.
“I don’t know Probie,” he answered honestly, trying not to wince at the visible shift in the mood of the room. “Hopefully soon.”
The question brought him back to the fear he had been grappling with and he tried his best to not let it show on his face. Thankfully Paul, ever observant, seemed to pick up on it.
“C’mon guys,” he told them, “I already called Carlos and he’s on his way. We should get out of here and let them have their moment.”
There were murmurs of agreements and jokes and TK could almost muster a real smile again. “Do you think you can manage to drag my dad home?” he asked. “He doesn’t need to be stuck here waiting. He can do that just as well from home, from a real bed.”
“I think we can manage it,” Marjan assured him, pulling him into a soft hug, “that’s what family’s for, after all.”
His smile grew at that and as they filtered out after more hugs and well wishes, he allowed himself a moment to feel optimistic. He’s determined to keep up the brave face for now and for as long as he can so they don’t need to worry about him, and while he has his doubts and secret fears, no matter what happened he would have his friends with him, after all.