Chapter Text
When you went to investigate the thundering boom that came from your room, a disappointed sigh left you before you could even feel shock or dismay.
All you had wanted to do was take a nice bath, you thought to yourself as you dragged your feet back to your room, clad only in a robe with towels in hand. Pushing open your door, at first glance nothing was wrong. Your eyes roamed the space until they landed on the small black puddle underneath your wardrobe. The beginnings of a headache began to throb.
“Mammon! Get your ass over here before I-” You shouted, seeing him round the corner before you could get a proper threat out. The impish grin he wore made it obvious he was behind this and ready to laugh at your current predicament.
“Hello dear human, how are you this fine evening? Lovely bathrobe i might add,” he said through a sweet smile that made you want to punch it right off his pretty face.
Still, you returned the smile, however with much more mockery and venom. “Mammon, always a pleasure. Care to explain the black shit coming from where all my clothes belong?” He let out a nervous laugh, finally catching on the very subtle cues that you might not be in the mood for a classic prank at the moment.
Before he could find a good reason for you to not snap his credit card in half, you shoved him into your room toward the growing mess. “Be a dear and go open it for me, would you?” you watched as he stumbled and walked slowly toward your wardrobe.
“Have I ever told you how I admire and value your forgiving nature?” he asks over his shoulder, but your level glare makes him cringe and turn away, one hand on the handle.
The tiniest of tugs sends the door bursting open, black sludge pouring onto your floor and Mammon’s shoes, revealing all your clothes coated in a sheet of the sticky substance. You watch as Mammon tries to unstick his shoes from the ground, immovable from where the slime has hardened around it. Moving to plan b, he wiggles his feet from their gooey prison, falling back on your (thankfully untouched) bed. Finally, his eyes meet yours. “Uh… it wasn't supposed to stain?”
You turn to go find Lucifer only to run straight into his chest, his immovable presence unbothered as you reel back and rub your sore nose. Mammon came out of your room at that moment, skidding to a halt at the sight of his unamused older brother.
“Lucifer! Have I ever told you how I admire and-” Mammon started.
“He destroyed all my clothes.” You interrupted.
“Hey! At least let me try and grovel first!” Mammon argued.
Lucifer raised a gloved hand and you both fell silent. He stepped around you both and peeked his head into the room, assessed the situation, and turned back to you and his brother. “I’ll send your belongings to our best cleaner. I imagine it’ll take a week before they’re returned. I’m sure there are plenty in the house who would be willing to share until your clothing is returned.”
You knew better than to argue but the frustration that rose in you overrode your survival instincts. “Not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but I’m not sure that’ll work for a whole week.” You tried to keep your voice level, but even you could tell it came across as whiny. Lucifer’s sharp look silenced you, but there was something underneath his cold look as his eyes left yours for a millisecond to assess your current state. You followed his gaze to see your plush robe had loosened, the line of skin from your neck straight to your belly button uncovered. You busied yourself with tightening your robe, missing the shared look from the brothers looming above you. When you looked up again, Mammon wore a wide grin that immediately raised your hackles.
He swung an arm around you, fingers toying with the seam of your robe. “You know what amigo? I’m just so damn apologetic about this prank that I’ll make it up to you. Out of the generosity of my heart, I’ll make sure you’ve got clothes till your shit’s cleaned up!”
“I’ll go find a big shirt from Beel to sleep in,” you stated, batting away Mammon’s arm, “And I’d better hope to wake up with something to wear tomorrow at my door,” you threatened.
He leaned against the wall and sent a wink your way. “Baby, when you word it like that you make me want to leave you nothing!”
The towel hit his face instead of a response.
.
One might think Mammon was the Avatar of speed for how fast he made it to Leviathan’s door once you were out of sight.
He pounded on the door repeatedly before swinging it open; the knocking as close as he’d get to using manners. Mammon rushed into the room to watch his brother slide out of his chair and onto the ground, various figurines rattling dangerously from the thud.
“Mammon what the fuck is your problem?!?” Levi shouted as he stood back up, yanking off his headset. “You’re lucky I hadn’t started streaming yet, or you’d be dead!”
“Have I ever told you how I admire and value your generous nature? You make me want to give more, which is why I have a wonderful barter for you,” Mammon spoke brightly, ignoring his brother’s growing rage.
“Our dear human is without clothes for the week due to some hoodlum pulling a totally awesome prank. If you let me use your fast Azukon shipping, I’ll be so kind as to let you choose one of the outfits for the week.” Mammon offered his widest smile to Levi’s thoughtful frown.
After a moment of silence, Levi pulled out his D.D.D and shot out a quick text, and before Mammon could think of a different pitch to get his brother to cooperate, he heard the stampede of 5 other demons come to Levi’s room. Mammon frantically checked the group chat to see one text from Levi: Mammon’s gotta buy the human clothes for the week ROFL come put in requests
“Oi, what’d you do that for?!?” Mammon yelled, but was ignored over the voices of his kin guiding Levi to their own personal tastes.
He went to mope only to turn and see Lucifer with a hand out, clearly expecting something. “Down low!” Mammon shouted as he slapped it, trying to sneak away but a firm hand on his arm stopped him short.
“I think goldie’s got a few bills to cover,” Lucifer spoke with finality.
Mammon gulped.
.
Across the castle, you read Levi’s text to the brothers in the group chat they had no idea you could see, and groaned.
It was going to be a long week.