Work Text:
Go inside or just keep walking. The question of the hour. He’d hoped to have it figured out by the time he got here. He hadn’t been invited, that’s the problem. A surprise birthday party for Hailey and he’d been left out. The only reason he is even here right now is because Will and Maura had been invited and Will texted him, asking where he was.
That was almost an hour ago. It had taken him nearly that entire time to work up the courage to show up here tonight. Hailey hadn’t texted him. He understands how a surprise party works and that Hailey wouldn’t have known until it was happening but he thought she would have wondered where he was. He’s her best friend after all.
Or at least he was. Up until a few months ago, he and Hailey hung out often. Sometimes her brother Phillip along with Maura and Will would join or they’d meet Jay’s team at Molly’s, but mostly they hung out alone. As friends.
So four months ago, when Hailey casually mentioned that she had met someone, Jay had done his best to be happy for her. Because when she finally came back into his life at the bar almost two years ago, she had wanted his friendship and he...just wanted her happiness.
But watching her move on with someone else? He wasn’t ready for that. Probably won’t ever be ready for that.
He should have just not come. Or maybe he should have drank before he got here. At the very least, he can give her the card he got her. It was just a simple birthday card with a gift certificate tucked inside it. If there was one thing he knew about Hailey, it was that she loved her coffee so he’d set up a private tour and tasting visit at two of her favorite roasters in town. At the time, he had thought it was something they could do together but he isn’t so sure now.
He’ll just give it to her and go. He doesn’t want to make a scene on her birthday. He tries...truly, he tries to like Finn, the guy she’s seeing but anytime the three of them manage to get together, it’s pretty awkward and tense. He’s sure that if he wasn’t in the picture, Finn would be a good guy for her, but Jay isn’t a big fan and if he’s being honest, she could do better. But yeah...he doesn’t really get a say in that department so he keeps quiet.
He rounds the corner just in time to see Hailey being pulled to Finn as he kisses her, full out. It’s like Finn knows nothing about her. Hailey is not a kiss in public kind of person. She isn’t a big fan of being the center of attention either. Jay knew that even before they dated. Back when she had won that medal for saving a family and almost succeeded in killing herself in the process. She’s definitely more of a behind the scenes kind of person. Finn and Hailey had been dating for months now. You’d think that this guy would know that.
His fingers tighten on the card when he sees her body tense up a second before she pushes back from him. She has that fake smile plastered on her face that Jay hates but Finn takes no notice. It sets his teeth on edge and fuck it...he shouldn’t have come. He doesn’t even find Maura and Will, just drops his card on the gift table and heads back out the door.
“Jay?” His step falters at her voice and he turns to face her, trying not to look guilty.
“Are you leaving? I didn’t even...You didn’t even wish me a happy birthday.” She wouldn’t have even known he was here if her brother didn’t mention seeing Jay walking out.
Needing something to do other than stare at the hurt that crosses her face, he shoves his hands in his pockets, looking out at the cars driving past. He waits for her to say something. To tell him she wants him here, but she just keeps standing there, her blue eyes tipped with confusion as she looks at him.
“He didn’t invite me, okay? Will texted me and asked when I was getting here and I wasn’t going to come. I mean, I wanted to come. But I didn’t want to crash your party and I just…” The words stick in his throat. There’s so much he wants to talk to her about but now isn’t the time. It wouldn’t be fair to do it tonight.
“You just what?” Agitation is evident in her words. He’s been acting weird around her for a while now. If he’s got a problem, she wants to know.
“You really want to do this now? Tonight?” Her response is to cross her arms and continue to stare him down so he lets it out. Lets her have it. Consequences be damned.
“Why him? Huh? Why him, Hailey? He’s...he's a dick. He can’t stand the fact that you and I are friends and you want to know the worst part?” Despite the crowded bar and busy street, it’s just the two of them on the sidewalk so he lets his voice raise and fill with the hurt and anger he’s been struggling with.
“The guy’s controlling you, keeping you from hanging out with me and you don’t even see it!”
“Are you kidding me with this right now?” Her own voice rises, full of disbelief. Of all the things...this was not what she thought was bothering him. “Finn is not...He’s just...He feels…”
“Insecure? He’s threatened by me. Admit it, Hailey. He hates how close we are and he’s jealous!” How can she not see this.
“ He's jealous? You've been acting like a spoiled little kid who's just been told he has to share.” She can’t believe this is happening right now. “I’m not yours, Jay. You can’t get mad when I spend time with someone else.”
‘I’m not yours…’ Wasn’t she? From the moment she came into his life, completely against his wishes, she’d invaded both his conscious and unconscious thoughts. Towards the end there, he had certainly thought of her as his but maybe she was right.
“I'm not jealous, Hailey. Not of him…”. His voice is quiet, barely carrying to her over the cars on the street. There’s no fight left in him. This was the price of being her friend. Of seeing her happy even if it meant he never would be. “I’m jealous of the time he gets with you. I mean...I never see you anymore. And tonight? Him not inviting me? That is a dick move and you know it.” He drags his hand down the back of his neck, unsure of where they go from here.
“You uh...should go back inside and enjoy your party. Don’t want to keep your friends waiting.” He steps close to her, pressing his lips to her cheek and it feels like he’s letting her go all over again. “Happy Birthday, Hailey.”
This is quickly turning into one of the crappiest birthdays she's had in a long time. There's a part of her that doesn't want to believe that Finn hadn't invited Jay. She's told him what his friendship means to her. He knows how important it is to keep that.
“ You are my friend. Please don’t leave.” Her step towards him is met with a quick step back. The sad tilt of his mouth has her chest tightening.
“I'm just gonna go. I'll uh...I guess I'll see you.”
She watches him turn, ready to walk away but words she hadn't meant to speak come flying out.
“He thinks you're in love with me.” And that stops him cold.
She'd laughed it off when Finn had suggested it a couple of weeks ago, but maybe he was on to something.
He doesn't know what to say to that. Apparently the guy was more perceptive than he thought.
“He’s crazy, right? Right ? I mean...that was years ago and you said it yourself that you didn’t love me.” There’s a tremble in her voice that has her biting her lip to keep it at bay.
He never said that. He never said he didn’t love her. He told her he wasn’t ready yet. He told her it would be unfair to her. He wasn’t ready then and he turns back to her to tell her this but the uncertainty in her voice has him stalling.
“Oh my god.” This is insane...unbelievable. “You never said a word, Jay. I...what is wrong with you?”
There’s a small part of him that wants to tell her that this isn’t all on him. She had to have known. She can’t have been that blind.
“How could I, Hailey? I had finally accepted the fact that I might never even see you again and then suddenly you were here. You came back and you said you were ready to be my friend and I latched onto that like a lifeline.”
He stops, pinching the bridge of his nose, trying to control his voice.
“How long? How long have you felt this way? Weeks? Months? Longer? I mean…” She can’t count the amount of times they have sat next to each other on his couch or at the bar or in his truck. So many times he could have said something but he hadn’t.
“Hailey…” When he pictured telling her how he felt, this was...this wasn’t it.
“How long, Jay?” Her patience is gone, replaced with anger and confusion. So much confusion.
“Years…Hailey I...I.” Shock widens her eyes at his confession and then they narrow as she understands what he’s saying.
“What do you mean years? You said you didn't…”
“I never said I didn't love you!” He cuts her off, arms flinging out to the side in exasperation. “How could I not love you? I told you I wasn't ready. I told you that if I kept you, I only would have hurt you. I had to fix myself first.” He thought she understood that. It would have been cruel to keep going, knowing they were doomed to fail.
“You should have told me the truth. I'm with Finn, Jay. I…”
“The truth? You want the truth? Fine.” He practically stalks towards her, taking hold of her biceps. If he could just make her see. “I gave you up once before, Hailey. And as much as I know it was the right thing, it nearly killed me. I need you to hear me when I say to you that I'm not giving you up again. I won't. So if I have to fight for you, I will. Because there's no way I can feel what I feel for you and...and not end up with you.” That's the truth. He refuses to accept anything less.
She looks devastated. He hates that look...hates even more that he’s the cause. The last thing he wants is to let go of her, but he can see she’s overwhelmed, so he drops her arms and gives her some space. His truth is clearly too much for her to take in right now. What had he been thinking? Telling her all this tonight?
“Here you are. What are you doing out here, babe?” The door to the bar opens and Finn steps out, his back partially turned so he doesn’t see Jay behind him.
Jay watches him slide his hands down her arms and around to her lower back, pulling her close, completely oblivious to her state of distress. The sight of his hands on her makes him want to rip the guys arms off. He can’t stay and watch this.
Before Finn notices him, Jay backpedals quickly, ducking into the alley and crossing back towards the parking lot and his truck. He’d done enough damage tonight. He knows full well that Hailey’s hurt stricken face will haunt his dreams for days to come.
He never should have come here tonight.
After getting home last night, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. How hurt she was...how confused...and the way he left? Definitely didn’t help matters. He’d spent the night tossing and turning. Thinking back on the last two years. Kicking himself for every missed opportunity to tell her how he really felt.
The first couple months had been filled with careful looks and even more careful touches. Despite his feelings for her, he was determined to not cross that line. But then she’d gone and hugged him and his world had been thrown off kilter. It was at a party Maura and Will were throwing, about three months into their new friendship. She had come late, straight from work and had hugged Maura then his brother and Jay had just been standing there, right next to them. She flashed that smile at him as if to say 'what's the worst that could happen' and threw her arms around him like it wasn't some monumental thing.
He wouldn’t have told her that night. That was just the night he knew he wasn’t done with her. That was the night he realized he was without a doubt, still in love with her, despite all his efforts not to be. The guilt and grief that he would have felt before meeting her, never came. After admitting to himself that he loved her, all he felt was relief. That even if he was the only one that knew, it was out there and he could breathe easier for it.
He could have told her that summer when she had come to stay with him for a couple of days after a freak storm left her apartment complex without power for nearly a week. They had spent the four nights she was there on his couch watching Netflix until well after they should have been sleeping. Each night they had gravitated closer to the other and it had been a sweet torture being that close to her. Close enough to feel the heat from her body, but not able to touch her the way he did in his dreams. The urge to just haul her against him and kiss her was constantly on his mind. She’d pull her legs up under her and look at him with those eyes and she would smile at him. Everything else would disappear. It was just him and Hailey. Yeah...he spent a large part of those days asking her to repeat herself because he just couldn't focus. That week probably would have been the best time to tell her, but he hadn’t been able to.
Four months ago would have been a good time to tell her too. When she had shown up at his place for their now weekly movie night. He remembers her nervous excitement and the way she had struggled with how to tell him. If she should tell him. He never would have pushed her to tell him what was bothering her if he knew what she was about to tell him.
I met someone. He’s pretty sure he stopped breathing when the words burst from her. All the plans he had of trying again with her were squashed. He’d missed his chance. Somehow he had managed to smile at her and tell her that he was happy for her, even though he’d been dying on the inside.
He’s ashamed to admit that he cancelled on her the next week. He couldn’t bring himself to sit next to her knowing she was with someone else. But not seeing her was even worse and the following week, he had sucked it up and spent the night beside her, laughing at the movie with her. Pretending that he didn’t know what it felt like to hold her in his arms. Pretending that he didn’t remember when she was his.
He avoided meeting Finn for over a month though, before Hailey finally just sprung it on him. Ambushed him was more like it. Jay had been out with Adam and Kim when the two of them just appeared. He had to sit there and watch as Finn got to do all the things that he wanted to do to Hailey. Hold her hand, touch her hair, kiss her...It set him off and he may have ended up getting drunk. Hailey had apparently left Finn to make sure Jay got home okay and she had still been there the next morning. He remembers being short with her and spent the morning taking little digs at her. After calling him out on his behavior with no response, she left and he couldn’t bring himself to chase her down. She had forgiven him the next day when he showed up at her work to apologize, blaming it on the hangover. She accepted it, but he wasn’t sure she believed him. That was when he decided he needed to pull back some from her. Needless to say, it hadn’t helped.
He played over everything last night. Things from before he let her go, all the way to the more recent things of the last few weeks. So yeah...he didn’t sleep last night, which is why he’s going to be useless. He’s hoping some coffee will at least help him enough that he can form some coherent sentences today.
The first thing he sees when he comes into the kitchen is his phone. There’s 5 missed calls between Will and Maura and too many text messages to count. The more he reads, the more his heart sinks. He figures he left there last night right around 9:45pm and the messages started just after that. The first couple ones from both were asking where he was and when he was coming, but then they got a little more frantic. Will texted that Hailey looked upset and he was speculating that it was because Jay wasn’t there. Then Maura texted something along the same lines before she quickly added that it looked like she had been crying. The texts kept coming at rapid speed and then the calls came.
“ Jay man...I don’t know what the hell is going on or what your deal is, but you need to get here. Hailey needs you. Shit just blew up with her and Finn. I think...I think they’re breaking up. Maura went after her but you need to get here.”
It’s the text from Phillip that really hits the hardest.
Phillip: What did you do?
He’s been asking himself that all night.
Finn hadn’t come right out and said it, but what he did say was enough for her to realize that he deliberately left Jay out last night. To say she was furious would have been an understatement. She was done. She broke up with him before she walked out of her own party. She wanted to talk to Jay. To try and wrap her head around the things he had said, but Maura had come after her and she ended up staying with her for the night. She had had a pretty deep heart to heart with her.
“What happened tonight, Hailey?” Before Hailey can tell her she’s fine, Maura presses. “Something happened and I’m just trying to figure it out.”
“You’re not going to believe this, and honestly, I don’t even know how to say it the right way…”
“Hailey?” Maura stops her rambling with a hand to her arm. “Does it have to do with why Jay wasn’t there tonight?” Whatever it is, she’s sure it involves Jay in some way.
She could lie...come up with another reason for her fight with Finn that led to her breaking up with him, but Maura would figure it out. The problem is that she still isn’t really sure what happened tonight. Can’t quite believe it. She’s suddenly exhausted and sinks down on the couch.
“Oh, Jay was there tonight. Finn apparently didn’t invite him so he dropped off a present and then left.” Their conversation keeps looping in her head. He loves me...Jay loves me... She still doesn’t believe it happened.
“Finn said something to me about Jay a couple of weeks ago. Basically saying Jay was...that he...Shit...He said that because I was too close, I couldn’t see it. I didn’t know what he was talking about but then he said that Jay was still in love with me.” She tells Maura about how she defended Jay and told Finn he was wrong, but she leaves out Jay’s confession. She isn’t ready to talk about it out loud yet.
“You and Jay have a pretty deep connection...even as just friends, but maybe Finn wasn’t that far off.” She can’t say with 100% certainty that Jay was in love with Hailey, but she’s pretty sure he is.
“What are you saying?” She knows...she just needs to hear it from someone else so she doesn’t feel insane.
“I’m saying that maybe...Hailey, it wouldn’t be that far of a stretch if what Finn said was true.” Being blunt is sometimes the only way to get through to Hailey.
“Maur…”
“I’m not saying you need to act on it right now, but don’t pretend those feelings aren’t there, okay? Whether it was with Finn or someone else, I think this was always going to happen.” She can tell Hailey is rattled, so she let’s it go, watching as she swallows past the emotion shining in her eyes.
“He’s my best friend.” Hailey bites down on her bottom lip to keep it from trembling, but her chin gives her away. Even if it wasn’t Finn, someday, someone will come along that won’t understand their friendship, and she’ll have to choose then anyway. Either choice she makes, she loses. She either gets the guy that comes after Jay, or she keeps her best friend. Something would have to give.
“I hate him sometimes...ugh, not him, not Jay, but I hate that he can make me feel like this.” She’d told him once that she couldn’t ever hate him, but it gets pretty close sometimes.
“Oh Hails...I had no idea you still felt that way too.” Maura pulls Hailey into her side when she sees the tears start to fall. What’s happening between Jay and Hailey now is worse than when they first met. They are both too scared to go back there. Both too scared to change what they have.
Hailey had just kept silent after that, mentally and physically exhausted. Here she was, trying to process the fact that Jay was still in love with her and Maura had gone and just put it out there that maybe she was still in love with Jay too. It was too much.
Her hands are in her pockets and her head is tilted down, tucked against her chest in an effort to escape the wind. It’s not freezing, but the air whipping about her face and neck sends a chill through her. Needing to clear her head, she’d opted to walk home today. It hadn’t helped much. She’s still struggling to process what happened. A week ago she had a boyfriend and a best friend. She’s got neither now.
If she could just go back to last week...back to before everything fell apart, it would be easier. God...she just wants to sleep and forget about everything for a little while but as she turns the last corner to her building, the familiar sight of Jay’s truck greets her. After five days without seeing or hearing from him, his presence has her pulse spiking. His posture mirrors hers from his spot next to his truck. Head down and hands in his pockets. The urge to just turn around and hightail it in the opposite direction is strong and if she hadn’t seen his head pop up at the sound of her footsteps, she would have done just that.
Instead, she squares her shoulders and starts forward once again. The distance between them shrinks with each step until she’s less than a couple of feet away. She isn’t sure what she expected to happen but him just standing there, looking at her like she’s the reason this was happening, wasn’t it.
Her head drops as a breath of disappointment escapes. He’s waiting for her to say something first and he can keep on waiting for all she cares. She didn’t do this. She wasn’t the reason everything was a wreck.
“Hailey I’m…” She can hear the apology in his voice before he gets there and she whirls back on him.
“Don’t.” If he apologizes now she’s going to lose it. “I don’t want to hear how sorry you are. Just go home, Jay.” Before she can even lift her foot to walk away, Jay grips her elbow to keep her still.
“You think I’m sorry? You what? Think I’m here to tell you that I didn’t mean it?” He stayed away, trying to give her space, to let her come around to the idea that he was in love with her, but then tonight, he just needed to see her.
She’s still hurt and confused with him, so she lashes out. “Yeah well...it wouldn’t be the first time, would it?” Her mouth drops open in complete shock at her words and a choked sob breaks out at the same moment Jay steps back, dropping her arm like she shocked him.
“Jay I’m sor…”
“No. That’s um...that’s...I deserve that.” He’d hurt her more than he ever wanted to, but she just knocked the wind right out of him. He needs to sit down and his tailgate is as good a spot as any.
“You don’t. I shouldn’t have said that. I just don’t understand.” Hailey paces away, wrapping her arms around herself. “I understand why you broke up with me. I do, and there’s not a lot of guys out there that are selfless enough to do that but...you’re saying you’ve felt this way all along and you never said a thing.” She had waited and waited for him to show any sign that he was interested in her like that but after so long, she stopped. She had tried hard to make things work with Finn, just to prove that she could move past her feelings she had for Jay. Feelings that she had worked hard to erase but while she had been trying to keep things normal between them for his sake and move on with her life, he’d been harboring this secret love for her.
“I wish I could explain it to you, Hailey. I wish…”
“Just try.” She joins him on the back of his truck, her legs dangling, the chill in the air long forgotten at this point.
He can do that. He can try to explain even though he’s unsure of it all himself. All he knows is that he’s prepared to do whatever it takes to keep her this time around.
“I meant what I said at your party...about not being jealous of Finn, but jealous of the time he got with you. I guess...I don’t know...I guess I just thought I’d have more time to wear you down or something...to ease you into seeing me that way again.” He’d taken for granted that she was always there. “And uh...while I’m not sorry I told you, I’m certainly sorry for how I chose to tell you, because I know it looked like Finn was the reason...that I was jealous. It would have happened no matter who you were seeing though.”
“Why did you wait so long to say something?”
“I was waiting for you to say something first...I don’t know? I tried to be your friend but I was still...In my head, you were anything but my friend. You just...didn’t pick it up and I thought...okay. I can just be her friend. Push away everything else.” And he’d tried...honestly.
“Are you saying it’s my fault for not seeing it?” The thought should make her angrier but the subtle shake of his head and the quick, easy smile that he gives her has all the anger fading away. It’s that smile...
“No. I’m saying...you’re everything I want...even if I don’t deserve you.” He turns towards her slightly, his legs bumping into her in the process.
“Why wouldn’t you deserve me, Jay?” He’s different now, lighter...quicker with a smile...at least for her it would seem, always for her. She doesn’t alway see it, but the differences between now and when she first met him are astounding. He’s so sure of himself most of the time now, but not deserving her? That sounds a little like the old Jay and all she can do is hold her breath as he slides off the tailgate.
“Because...I had everything I ever wanted with Lena and after she died…" He's come so far from the person he was when he first met Hailey. Crippling grief used to smother him at the mere mention of his deceased wife, but now he can look back on the time he had with her as a gift. He just hopes Hailey can see that...can see how much he’s changed. How, through the darkness that used to surround him...suffocate him, she was the light he hadn’t even known he was looking for. How just knowing her made him want to be better. She did that.
"I never thought I would ever want that again, let alone be lucky enough to find it twice in one lifetime.” He touches her now, powerless to stop his hand from reaching out and smoothing his fingers over the side of her face. “I love you. I am...completely in love with you, Hailey. I couldn’t say that to you before but I can now.” When she pulls his hand from her face, he can't help the feeling of dread that fills his gut.
"What if I don't want you to fight for me? To love me? What if I say no?" She’s afraid to hope. Afraid to let him in like that again...even if he’s telling her everything she thought he’d never say to her.
His eyes close, trying to block out what she just said. This was what he'd been worried about. That by telling her how he really felt, he'd end up with nothing.
With a slow exhale, Jay leans in close to her, pressing his thighs to her knees. His forehead drops to hers. "Don't. Please ask me to fight for you. Don't say no, Hailey. You were wrong before. When you said you weren't mine? You are mine, Hailey. And I'm yours...if you want me. Just tell me to fight for you." Please.
When they were dating, she would have given anything to hear him say these things to her. She’d loved him then. Fully knowing that he might not ever feel the same way, but now...could it really be that simple? Tell him to fight for her? Does she even need him to fight for her? She wants him. That has never been the issue.
“I know it’s a lot and that putting all this on you like this isn’t fair, but I don’t want to waste any more time. I don’t…”
“Stop, Jay.” He’s right. They’ve wasted so much time. “I don’t need you to fight for me…”
“Hailey, please…” Her arm stretches out, trembling slightly just before she presses it over his heart and she feels it. That connection that Maura had mentioned...like she was tethered to Jay and she realizes that she no longer wants to fight the pull of it.
“You don’t have to fight for me because...you already have me.” She’s just as much his as he is hers.
The transition from friends to lovers was easy. They’d been here before and if she had to put it into words, Hailey guesses it was a lot like coming home after being away for a long time. So much was the same. She still fit perfectly, tucked against his side no matter where they were. Her stomach still did that little flip flop every time he smiled at her. His hand still sought hers when they walked and his kisses? Jay kissed her like he was making up for all the times he hadn’t...couldn’t kiss her. She loved it. She loves him.
To an outsider, the speed at which their relationship was moving probably seems insane, but to those close to them, it was just...right. They’d barely dated four months before Jay asked her to move in with him. Her answer had been quick and sure, without a single ounce of hesitation or doubt. A week later, she had unpacked the last of her things and they haven’t looked back since.
With Thanksgiving having just passed, Hailey starts to wonder what their first Christmas together will be like. They spent the last two together as friends alongside Maura and Will, and her brother, Phillip. Jay seemed happy enough, but she often wonders how much of that was just a front. From what he’s told her, Christmas was he and Lena’s favorite holiday. She needs to talk to him about it, to just touch base with him, but when she gets home that night, she isn’t prepared for what she finds.
“What are you doing?” Hailey glances from Jay to the open suitcase on the bed, and then back to Jay. Her stomach settles slightly, when he rises from the bed with a sheepish smile instead of a guilty look.
“You’re uh...home early.” The smell of her shampoo hits him as he pulls her in for a quick kiss, keeping her hand in his grasp. “I was hoping to be done before you got here.” Jay doesn’t take it personally when she doesn’t budge, and drops her hand before grabbing another sweatshirt to add to the suitcase.
“Done with what?” There’s a logical explanation for this, she knows it, but she can’t help the worry that courses through her.
“Packing…” He gestures to the suitcase on the bed as if that should be obvious.
“Jay…”
“Yeah...uh...yeah. I knew you’d probably worry if I brought it up sooner, so I left it until last minute. I thought we could go up to the cabin for the weekend.” He sees the way her forehead creases so he speaks again before she can. “I’m not running. That’s not what this is.” The cabin used to be his escape and she knows that. It was a place he could go when he no longer wanted to deal with the stress and pressures of everyday life, but it was also the place he went when the loss of his wife became unbearable. It was time for that to change. He doesn't want the cabin to be a place of negativity and darkness...not anymore.
“Okay. That sounds...really nice, Jay.” The smile that stretches across his face when she agrees, has the corners of his eyes crinkling and Hailey can’t help but kiss him as she moves to sit next to him on the bed.
“You were going to pack for me?” She peeks into the clothes already in the case, scanning the contents like she’s searching for something.
“Don’t worry...it’s in there.” Jay pushes some of the tops aside to get to what she’s looking for.
“You know me so well.” Her fingers smooth out some of the wrinkles in her favorite shirt of his to sleep in. It’s nothing special, just an old worn-out dark green shirt with tiny holes along the left sleeve, but Jay tells her constantly that she has never looked better than when she’s wearing it.
“You really okay with this? We can stay, I just…”
“No, it’s fine. I want to go. Promise.” Her and Jay, tucked away...just the two of them? She would never not like the sound of that.
“How much more do we need?” She can’t feel her fingers and she’s pretty sure there might be snot frozen below her nose from the harsh wind off the lake. Standing just off the back porch in more layers than she cares to count, she waits as Jay passes her logs to place in the pile on the screened in room.
“Just a couple more. This way, we don’t have to get more from outside while we’re here.” He passes her another couple of logs, knowing that if he’s feeling the cold, she definitely is. After arriving a little over an hour ago, he instructed her to add some layers of clothing, and then they started to chip away at the wood that had frozen together. He’ll get the fire going as soon as they get enough wood.
Once they finish neatly stacking the wood, Hailey grabs one of the knitted blankets off a chair and takes a quick tour of the place. Jay told her about it on the drive up, but he didn’t do it justice. He’d said it was rustic, and the first thing that came to mind at that word was a hodgepodge of plywood sheets and flimsy floors.
That was far from what is in front of her. It is rustic, but in an elegant, updated way. The cabin is filled with exposed wood and beams that gleam warmly in the soft light. The chairs are made of heavy pine with deep red tones throughout the plush coverings. She wants to curl up in front of the large fireplace on one of the chairs and just...be. She can see why he loves it here. Why he would come here to get away.
“Should warm up quickly. You want to lose some of those layers? Start on dinner with me?” Jay watches her from his spot next to the kitchen. He was right about bringing her here. It already feels lighter.
“Considering I can still see my breath, I’ll keep the clothes, but I can help in the kitchen.” She helps chop vegetables for a quick stir-fry and by the time they plate it up, she’s pleasantly warm.
When they finish eating, she’s gone from warm to sweating so she moves into the living room to shed some of the clothes while Jay cleans up in the kitchen. She’s just taken off the sweatshirt and sweatpants, leaving her in thermal leggings and the matching top, when Jay plops down onto the couch behind her.
For a moment, when she turns to face him, he’s thrown back to the night they first met. He remembers thinking that she looked like an angel with the light from her front porch casting a glowing ring around her head. She looks the same right here, in this moment. The only difference is the flicker of the firelight shimmering through her hair and around her body. It sets her in an ethereal-like haze and he briefly wonders if this is real...if she’s real.
“You’re so beautiful…” At her slow smile, he realizes he spoke out loud. He means it though.
“Mmm...yes.” She moves to straddle his lap, threading her fingers through his hair. “Because long underwear is so sexy.” Her words end on a low moan of pleasure as he drags her closer, his lips whispering ‘I love you’ just before he kisses her.
“For the record...I think you look very sexy in these...very futuristic.” His laugh mixes with hers and he doesn’t think he’s ever heard a more carefree sound from her. With her eyes lit with humor and her head tipped back, she looks perfect...and his. She’s all his, and her laugh? Her laugh sounds exactly like what he wants the rest of his life to sound like.