Chapter Text
Hey Minho,
I have been told to write a damn long letter to 'reflect' and 'realize' where things must have gone wrong between the both of us.
They tell me you are writing one for me too. Good, I don't want to be the only one spending my precious time reviving something that is long dead.
Our lawyers have hope that we'll reconcile, I'm sure you know how big of a lie that is.
So, Mister current husband, fasten your seatbelt. I'm gonna throw you into a whirlwind of emotions. Because if I'm suffering, you have to suffer too.
I will try to be nice as these guys might read this. I'll tell them not to by implying there could be 'super-personal' bedroom stuff in it, hope they buy it.
Okay, enough of the rambling and straight into business.
I have compiled 10 things that I once really loved about you. Loved because we have not been civil with each other for months now and I'm not sure if you are still the same. I doubt it. People change, I did. Maybe you did too. I don't mind, you are not mine anymore to think about it. I mean, technically you still are, but hopefully after this last thing we'll be separated for good.
Hope you don't whine about the formatting, my penmanship is not as good as yours. And honestly, I just want to get it over with.
1. I love that you are so handsome.
Too superficial to begin with? Correct. But anyone with two eyes can tell that you are really pretty.
Why do I love it?
Well, to be fair, I did not like it before. Not as a competition or anything, but I was pissed when we first met and might have ignored how you looked. You being the token bad boy did not help at all. Why did you have to play cool that way?
I know it's been 12 years since then. Our first meeting. You put me into detention along with your whiny ass. High school 1st year.
You were loud and cocky and God, I just wanted to shut you up. But Mr. Seo caught us and assumed the worst. I was grounded.
Oh, I am getting side-tracked here.
The bottom-line is you are handsome. Point blank. You were handsome on the day we met, the day you tricked me into going out with you, the day we first kissed, when you helped me drop Felix at Chan's place, when you confessed, when we moved in together, on our wedding day.
You still are so pretty. No denying.
Now, I hope your new partner won't just be with you for your looks. You are so much more than that.
2. I love the way you are loyal.
I know you are smirking right now. Don't.
I never expected you to be more than a fuckboy you used to portray yourself as. I had steeled myself for breaking your bones if something would have happened to Felix.
But he seemed happy with Chan those days. So I spared you. You still were wrong for the trick part, by the way.
You turned out to be way more loyal. And loving. And someone who respects personal space. Everything I had wished for in a potential partner.
How did you manage to woo me, Minho?
I, for one, did not want anyone. How did you manage to make me fall for you?
Anyway, that's in the past. You are still loyal, show that to whoever comes into your life next. Don't let them go.
3. I love the way you go out of your way to help anyone.
Remember Grandma Oksoon? You did not even know her then. Or me. I mean, we knew each other but we were not on good terms. It was immediately after I caught you taking money from Felix for that shitty date.
But you still drove 130 kilometers for me in the rain. We were able to take my mother on time to meet her before she passed. I will forever be thankful to you for that.
You don't know, but my Grandma thought we were together or something. How I wish she could have seen us actually dating and then married.
Not this part. Definitely not this part. Mom cannot stop crying ever since I told her about us splitting. She believes I'm bluffing. That you are actually the best one I will have. She is getting too old, I guess. What's with the delusion? People grow, they move on. One person for life is such a scam. It doesn't happen these days. People fall out of love. They get hurt. They leave.
But, I hope you are still so considerate like you were when we were together. It will help your new partner stay back maybe.
4. I love that you know just what to say.
Is this getting long? Hope your letter to me is longer. I want to keep the last bit of your penmanship with me as a memory. It's too beautiful.
But your ability to say exactly what the other needs to hear is impeccable.
I was watching by the lines when you consoled Felix when our puppy Daejji passed away. Still not on good terms. But your approach was heartwarming.
Or the way you won my entire extended family during your first meet up. They were all ready to hand me over then and there. So funny.
And our neighbors? Them and even their dogs loved you so much. Even with your scary leather jacket and boots.
I'm sure you'll charm someone new soon. Because even though you won't admit it, you cannot sleep alone at night.
5. I love the way you carry yourself with confidence.
Things don't come easy to you but you still walk with your head held high.
They had rumors running against you at school, in Uni but you hardly cared for them. Even I believed in them and maintained my distance, only to know that those were just made up. You really did not kill anyone in your previous school. Ah, as teenagers we believed in everything.
Even as an adult, you remained the same. Confident. You lost your job, but never your confidence. It actually inspires me so much, Minho. Your ability to never give up.
Then why did you give up on me?
Why did you just let me go?
Why did you not shout at me? Why did you give me space when all I wanted to hug you, hold you?
Why did you play the victim?
You are still playing the victim. Ghosting me. Letting me do whatever I want.
You don't need me anymore. Fine.
I'll just finish this letter and finally let you go. This is what you want right?
Okay, positive points.
6. I love the way you style yourself.
Any hair, any clothes. They all look good on you. Even your rebellious, bad boy look. And suits. And those jeans.
Everything from your hair to your shoes.
I used to love sleeping in your sweatshirts. And you knew I get cold easily, so you let me snuggle and even drool on your favorite clothes.
I miss those movie nights actually.
Ah, no. I'm not going there. I have 20 minutes before my shift starts and I need to get this over with.
7. I love the way you know me like the back of your palm.
You do. And you know that. Sometimes I wouldn't even need to speak a thing and you'll know.
Then why are you pretending right now?
8. I love the way you let me ramble to you.
I am not a great talker, I love staying quiet most of the days.
But on others, I don't really stop. And then you let me speak.
You let me blame you for Felix's doing. For calling you fake. That party was simultaneously my first, my best and my worst. I will never forget the way you just stood there while I slapped you. I just assumed you had a bet on me just like any other bad boy would have. Not considering it could be my own brother plotting you to hang with his potential lover.
Even now, you let me shout at you. Call you a cheater. When we both know you would never do that to me.
Where did we go wrong, Min?
When did we lose ourselves?
9. I love the way you respect my family and friends.
Everyone loves you. You have that magic on them. Felix, now Chan, mom, my colleagues, Jisung, Hyunjin. Everyone.
You never let me push them down. As if my family is your own. I wish I could like your family too. But it's hard when they blame me for everything.
I did not make you lose your job. Right?
I wish I was as considerate as you but I never want to relive that humiliation at your family place again. Getting wine thrown on your face for adding a point isn't it.
10. I love the way you are you.
Ah, I am no poet. But I just couldn't think of anything else.
I love the way you wake up at 6 dot in the morning, everyday without fail. I love the way you scrunch your nose when the food is too spicy. I love the way you dislike wearing shirts at home and hug me bare chested while I experiment in the kitchen. I love the way you have so many plants that you call our kids. I love the way you just don't let me forget my mother's birthday, knowing how bad I am with dates. I love the way you hold my hand secretly under the table when you think no one's looking. I love the way you are just you and you are so stupid to let me have upper hand in divorce even though I have witnessed you crying with my photos. I love the way I know you love me so much but you'll still deal with my stubbornass. I love the way you still send me those cute emails like you used to do in high school.
Ah, I miss you.
I miss you so much that I want to rip this paper right at this moment and call everything off.
Because I still love you. So so so much.
I had loved you when I was 18 and fresh out of high school.
And I love you now when I am 33 and seriously 'Minho-deprived'.
Call me once you get this stupid therapy letter. I don't think it's our time yet.
I love you,
Changbinnie