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24th of the Great Tree Moon, 1180
I know it may seem rather rash to be making enemies of my classmates when we have been enrolled barely a week within the academy, but I feel as if the Goddess is truly testing my patience! The majority of my classmates are pleasant enough to be around, if not eccentric. I believe some may be hesitant to befriend one of my noble prowess, but I hope with time each of them will come to realize that there is no reason to be shy around me! Though, Bernadetta may be a lost case, if her hiding beneath the table at a mere greeting is anything to go by.
However, the major thorn in my side is that dreaded Vestra boy. Ugh! He vexes me to no end with his condescending looks and snide remarks. It is as if everything that comes from his mouth is a mockery of another person. He is rude and crass, and I do not care for him or his poor attitude. I have been nothing but polite, but Hubert will have nothing to do with me! Well, besides being a nuisance in my ear. Yet, he seems to revere the ground that Edelgard walks upon, and he hovers behind her like a dog. It is unsettling.
Just yesterday, I attempted to put a bridge over the initial bad waters between us with an invitation to join me in the dining hall. And he had the audacity to claim that I would make his food taste terrible just by sitting next to him! I tried to force a laugh as if it were a jest, but he refused my offer for friendship plainly. He’s so full of himself! Claiming that I, Ferdinand von Aegir, speak far too much for him to enjoy a meal in my company. If anyone speaks too much, it would be him! His mouth is always rambling about “Lady Edelgard” nonstop.
If he wishes to make amends for his grievances, he better be prepared with a fully written apology.
- Ferdinand von Aegir
24th of the Great Tree Moon, 1181
I am to be sent off towards Hyrm territory soon. There has been word that there are possibly enemy soldiers and spies crossing through the dangerous mountains into the Empire. It seems like a fool’s errand to me; many have died trying to scale the mountains throughout the history of Fodlan. According to intelligence collected from Hubert, Alliance forces have been attempting to flee to the nearby towns and villages of Hyrm. He thinks it is a trick to gain entry into our land and then attack us when our guard is down, but I am not so sure.
I believe that some members from the homes of Ordelia may be trying to seek asylum. While I have had little time to leave Adrestian borders with my soldiers, since Lady Edelgard wishes to keep my battalion within reach for any possible sieges, I have heard many rumors from returning soldiers, from previous border disputes, that the Alliance is in shambles. I fear the unity of that land is crumbling apart under the pressure of Edelgard’s war. One can not claim neutrality while having diverse support between Faerghus’s and the Empire’s missions in this conflict.
It is times like these that I wonder what has become of many of the classmates I once knew. Hubert thinks I am an optimistic fool for believing that any of our prior peers from the Alliance want anything to do with us. He tells me that I am too softhearted, and that if I cannot handle the task of marching towards Hyrm with absolute loyalty to the Emperor, then I should step down from my position as a general. I can understand his fear of treason, but I am at my wit’s end of how much more I can prove my devotion! I have lost my legacy: my name, my land, and my father. Yet, I fight another day for the Empire. I will not turn my back, for I have come to realize the truth in Edelgard’s vision for a brighter Fodlan.
I know Hubert still doesn’t trust me, but I hope that he will soon. He doesn’t have to like me, as I merely tolerate him and his command, but more respect would be appreciated.
- Ferdinand von Aegir
24th of the Great Tree Moon, 1182
I do not have much time to be spending on writing this entry and my candle is nearly melted away, so I will be brief. We were victorious in our battle today, though not without casualties. While it was not a grand amount, it was still a loss of life on our side. I am grateful that Hubert has accompanied me for this mission; he is better at dealing with the counting and recording of bodies. While trudging through the muddy, blood splattered fields, he shows no hints or remorse on his expression. Even I cannot wear such a neutral face, despite how I have grown stronger.
There was a time that I believe he truly felt no empathy for the loss of lives, even our own men. But, I was wrong. Tonight, while we were sitting by the fire and eating that forsaken sludge that passes off as stew for our rations, I attempted conversation to fill the deafening silence. Recently, I have had better luck with speaking to him. He is still aloof and often bitter with his words, but he is approachable. We argue less about pointless matters, even if he still questions my insight that I provide. It is my duty as a general for the Emperor to offer my advice in this war, whether he agrees or not is not my issue.
But I am getting distracted. As we ate, I asked him about the reports for our casualties. He took a moment to reply, and he never looked at me when he spoke. However, he told me that he would deal with the work for it, and that I shouldn’t worry. He would be writing the letters towards the families to inform them of the loss. I was stunned at the thought of Hubert hovering in his tiny tent, attempting to write individual letters per family for the deceased. It was strangely touching, knowing that he did not completely shy away from the deaths.
I should retire before my candle flickers out, but I can still see a light in Hubert’s tent burning.
- Ferdinand von Aegir
24th of the Great Tree Moon, 1183
I still cannot wrap my head around what occurred in the council meeting this evening! As usual, a large selection of generals had been summoned by the Emperor for a meeting to discuss our next plan of action in response to the rise in Faerghan forces gathering in the north. Edelgard had offered all of us a chance to speak and discuss possible plans for tackling this issue, but it was obvious that there was a bias for General Ladislava. While I respect her greatly, her wish to split our forces further to send troops towards these Faerghan soldiers seemed ill-advised.
When it was my turn to speak, I spoke against this course of action. I think it is much wiser to gather forces from the battalions stationed near the Alliance border to help combat these upcoming soldiers. We were not having any issues with Alliance territories this entire year, especially since House Ordelia and House Gloucester have joined our ranks under high surveillance. But the room immediately mocked my suggestion and turned against me. It sickens me how often I am spoken of in terms of being a lofty minded noble, despite my sacrifices I continuously make for the future of Fodlan.
But in the middle of the constant belittling of my plan, Hubert spoke up for me. He stopped the childish taunting from the other generals, and then expressed his support towards my plan. I could not believe my ears! Hubert von Vestra was openly defending me, and he sounded utterly sincere. He agreed that meeting an army as massive as the one spotted to the north with divided numbers was a guaranteed loss. Then, he even urged me to explain my idea in more detail, earning the approval of the Emperor and room.
It is a shame he did not allow me to thank him over tea. When I tried to bring it up afterwards, he merely shrugged and claimed he was only looking for the best path for Edelgard’s success. It’s irksome that he will not accept my gratitude, but perhaps this is a sign that we were becoming more than allies.
I will not hold my breath for Vestra’s friendship, though.
- Ferdinand von Aegir
24th of the Great Tree Moon, 1184
It has been difficult to update this journal while confined to this bed. Being forced to sit within the infirmary for days has been pure agony. I feel as if I am failing my duty as a general, unable to lead my troops or counsel with the Emperor. I have told Manuela and the others that I am perfectly healthy and healed from my injuries, but no one will listen to me. At least some of the others will come to visit me. Dorothea has stopped by on various occasions, and her company is pleasant. Although, I can tell she hates seeing me in an injured state with my increasing number of scars. She despises this war, and while I am no fan of it, I will proudly play my part and bring honor and glory to myself and the Empire.
However, I was not prepared for Hubert to try and visit with me. Unfortunately, I had been asleep when he stopped by. Of course he had come by in the late evening when I was resting, tired out from the medicine pumping through my veins. He left a letter though, and its contents have shaken me to my core. It was short, but so sweet. Weeks prior I had joked with him about sending words of praise through writing, but I never expected him to listen to my request. Hence, his letter made a strange ache settle within my chest, but it was not from any injury or pain.
Hubert was completing my work for me in my absence, and he explained that my men were still keeping in accordance with my schedule and training. He also urged me not to leave the infirmary early, which baffles my mind! I would have assumed he would wish for me to rejoin the resistance quickly, but instead, he wrote how I was “too valuable to lose” in his letter. I had no mirror, but I assure you my face was crimson at these words. I know he means my skills in the war effort, but I keep rereading that letter and freezing at that line.
He better not work himself to exhaustion by doubling his duties. He will be a hypocrite worrying for my recovery if he does so.
- Ferdinand von Aegir
24th of the Great Tree Moon, 1185
We are still recovering from the damages faced after the javelins of light, but we are feeling victorious. At least, I am feeling very triumphant and hopeful. We have managed to stop Cornelia and gain a steady advantage in our plans to strike Fhirdiad. There has been a slight loss of morale among our troops after seeing such devastation, but I will not allow it to keep me down. I know we will continue to march forward and finally put an end to this war.
I have been speaking with Byleth recently, and they seem confident in our chances for success. It has been a grueling five years, but victory seems so close. I can nearly taste it upon my tongue, which is why I grow so antsy waiting around. I know it is wise to hold back and prepare out forces, but I also fear that by doing so, we are giving our enemy ample time to strengthen their numbers and supplies. Yet, Hubert has attempted to convince me not to concern myself with such matters. I wish it were that easy, but I often lie awake thinking about how we will manage to invade Fhirdiad. It seems impossible, but so did Derdriu.
I believe I need more rest. I will need to provide a report on the status of my battalion to Edelgard tomorrow, so it is best I end my entry here.
- Ferdinand von Aegir
24th of the Great Tree Moon, 1186
We march to the Tailtean Plains. I know we are mere days away from reaching Dimitri’s and Rhea’s armies. My stomach feels sick, as I fear for the loss of life that is bound to come. I can only pray, if the Goddess still listens to me, that we will not lose anyone on the Strike Force. I fear I could not go on if we were to lose a single soul, especially him.
Hubert tried to soothe my frazzled heart the prior night when he came to my tent. Sleeping beside him helped ease the onslaught of nightmares, and it felt much warmer against this bitter, cold weather. I wish for him to sneak in to see me again, tonight.
- Ferdinand von Aegir
24th of the Great Tree Moon, 1187
The flowers within the Imperial garden look stunning this time of year. There is such a diverse spread of colors and sizes, and I find myself drawn to wandering around to gaze upon them. I was luckily able to drag Hubert along with me today. I keep telling him that it is highly important that he enjoys his time stationed in Enbarr before we will both be sent away on another scouting mission in the everlasting search for TWSITD. He tried to argue with me about documents to catch up on, but I would not hear of it. A few papers could sit and wait on his desk; his own health and well being could not.
While walking among the flowers, I held onto Hubert’s arm and felt a sense of peace. He is still hesitant to admit our courtship, but all of our friends already know. He stresses over the fear of an unseen enemy slithering in the shadows and using me against him, and I find that a sweet worry. Yet, he forgets that I am no damsel, and I can keep myself protected.
But, he does want to let the public know; I can tell. He has started to be far too obvious with his gazes across the council table, and with the way he greets and praises me so highly. He drops far too many love letters at my desk within stacks of paperwork, and he takes time out of his busy schedule for tea with me at least twice a week. He’s far more romantic than he is willing to admit. It’s charming, in its own way.
As I sit here and write, I cannot stop myself from glancing at my door. I know he is coming by this evening, and I have procured a delicious vintage wine for us to partake in. If I can loosen his nerves just a smidge, perhaps I can convince him to stay the night. I miss his touch terribly.
Oh, how you vex me, Hubert von Vestra.
- Ferdinand von Aegir