Work Text:
"This is Dumpty’s Diner, what would you like to order today?”
Min-Gi Park didn’t dislike routine. In fact, he enjoyed it: There was something about the rhythm of doing the same thing every day that felt comfortable, safe. The joy of knowing that his life was under control because he would be ready for any unpredictable circumstances.
That is, until Ryan left.
Min-Gi Park didn’t dislike routine. He disliked that Ryan wasn’t a part of it.
He often asked himself what would’ve happened if he didn’t panic at the last second, if he didn’t leave Ryan at the stage. At a park near his house, Min could hear a distant guitar while he tried to calm down, rocking back and forth behind a tree. He felt like he was overreacting, a simple presentation at the school wasn’t that big of a deal, right? But the moment he tried to stand up to go back his body felt like it was gonna melt, forcing him to sit again. It wasn’t until a few hours later that he could finally leave the park and go back to his house, only to know that Ryan had been there asking for him. Min felt the need to go and explain everything to him: That he hadn’t betrayed him or anything, that sometimes he feels so overwhelmed and weak he couldn’t stand up without almost puking, that he knew how much this meant to Ryan and he’d do anything to make up for it, but he couldn’t. “Maybe tomorrow” he thought as he went to sleep.
Only to find that Ryan was gone. To the untrained eye it could seem like he left without a trace but, judging from the vanless garage, Min knew exactly where he went. Well, not exactly where he went, but what he was going to do out there.
He knew there was no point in going after him, he had responsibilities after all. From the moment Ryan had told him they were touring the very next week after graduating, Min knew they wouldn’t be joined at the hip anymore like they had been for their entire life. They had different ideas for success and comfortability in life, and that was okay. He’d still love him regardless.
And boy did he love him.
When he started working at Dumpty’s, some old classmates of his found it strange that Ryan wasn’t there with him. After all, they’d got their fair share of both him and Min talking about all the things they’d do when they got out of school, so seeing Min not being a successful rockstar was a little weird. He’d tell them what he told himself after going through the initial shock of Ryan leaving: That they weren’t going to be together forever, that those were just childish dreams, that Ryan went to pursue his own passions. It was fine, they still were on very good terms, they would always be friends.
“But what if I don’t want us to be friends anymore?” he thought once when he was lying in his room at night. “What if I…I wanted something else? Something more?”
No, wait, what? What was he even thinking? Nope, not again. Min was used to having weird, intrusive thoughts sometimes, but never like this. Never about Ryan.
He put a pillow on his face, as if that could stop the swarm of thoughts and warm feelings in his chest. Min-Gi Park was proper, Min-Gi Park was responsible, Min-Gi Park was ready for any unpredictable circumstances. Min-Gi Park didn’t do things on a whim, nor leave in his dad’s van without any plan of what to do next. Min-Gi Park wasn’t in love with his best friend, he wasn’t in love with a man.
“It’s just a bad thought” he said. He just had to sleep it off and all the awful things in his head would be gone.
But they weren’t. The next few weeks or so the only thing Min had in his head was Ryan. How much he missed playing music with him, how much he missed his voice, his hair, his beaming smile. And as much as he tried to erase everything, work even harder as a form of distraction, they didn’t go away. At first, he blamed it on how much he missed Ryan as a friend (obviously). Hadn’t they been together their whole lives? This had to be a normal thing! Maybe he didn’t have to beat himself up so much about it. Yeah, that had to be it.
But then, his thoughts changed. Suddenly it went from missing Ryan’s company or the way he played with Min’s hair to missing his hugs, the way he held his hand when he was watching a horror movie (sometimes the only reason Min invited him to watch them), the way he felt asleep in Min’s shoulder when they were watching TV…He found himself not only missing those moments, but wishing they could have more of those. And then, without even realizing it, Min-Gi Park wasn’t in control anymore.
To say that he reacted strongly to this is an underestimation. He stayed until midnight at Dumpty’s just to be distracted with something else, cause even his home was so full of memories of him it didn’t feel safe anymore. He’d nap whenever he could to have a moment of peace, a moment where RYAN wasn’t glued to his brain 24/7. But he couldn’t just nap and sleep forever, and the overwhelming pressure in his chest that he had all the time was getting more unbearable by the second, so he had to do something. Say something. Scream, for god’s sake. One time he heard that the only way to stop a song playing in your head was to listen to it all again, so that’s what he’d do with Ryan. Call him, and hear his voice once again.
Luckily, he didn’t have to wait long for the last client at Dumpty's that day.