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the first time sapnap calls karl pretty it's nothing more than a joke.
they are playing on the smp; roughly a hundred thousand people on karl's stream when sapnap messages him if he could join, something bubbling in his guts that he writes off as nothing more than excitement for being on someone's stream.
"hey, pretty boy," he drawls when he joins the vc, all flirty and teasing, a joke. they both know it, it's how they are after all, but still sapnap finds his heart skipping a beat when he sees karl flushing slightly on his second monitor where he has the boy's stream open. he shakes it off, brushes it to the side, refusing to ponder on why his palms sweat when karl grins, all teeth but no bite.
"hi, handsome," and that's that, both their chuckles warm and familiar after the exchange, moving on like it's nothing.
because it really is nothing; sapnap reminds himself later that night as he lays in bed staring at his ceiling, eyes squinting in the soft moonlight, lids heavy with fatigue. he wants to sleep, exhaustion settled deep into his bones, but his mind hums in confusion still, hung up on his conversation with karl. it was nothing special, it's how they are; playful flirting for their audience. nothing more, nothing less. a routine they both know.
sapnap wonders why it keeps him up then, wonders why his fingertips tingled when karl blushed after he called him pretty, why he found it hard to swallow around the lump in his throat when karl called him handsome.
he wonders until he grows too tired to think anymore, slipping into dreams weaved of soft touches and pretty smiles, an even prettier boy plaguing his slumber.
——
the second time around it's still a joke, but sapnap isn't dumb enough anymore to ignore how he maybe means it just a bit more than that.
it's on stream again, because he might have a loud mouth, but he's still shy when there's no audience to entertain. he's more reserved when it's just him and karl in late night calls after they've both gone to bed, phones on their pillows and comfortable lulls in conversation soothing their souls. sapnap thinks those moments cosmic, thinks them a gift from the gods; sighing his gratitude into the quiet darkness of his room, thankful to have someone like karl.
in those moments he thinks of the boy as he listen to him snore softly, thinks of him settled into his sheets, the silk soft against his pale skin, thinks of his cheeks squished on his pillow, mouth slightly open around light breaths. he thinks of being able to lay next to him, to admire his beauty in the silver of the moonlight that seeps through his window, thinks of being able to trace his fingers over his cheeks and nose and lips, his body aching with longing and want.
and he thinks of muttering the words then, wishing to call karl pretty when it's just the two of them, their only witnesses being the stars on the night sky as they blink down at them, but he's scared, he's still so scared of it all.
so he doesn't; keeps quiet and swallows the words until they are on stream again and they have people to please, until he has a real reason to say it all other than just his selfish wants. the confession is easier to brush off as pandering then, it's easier to say it and have it mean nothing but everything at the same time, all for karl to interpret.
"okay, two truths and one lie, go," karl says, all excited and bouncing in his seat, an easy grin on his face. sapnap thinks him adorable, lips curling unconsciously as he watches the stream. "come on, sapnap. give me something."
"okay," he mutters, falling silent to think for a second, anticipation surging in his veins. "dream once gave me a black eye accidentally-"
"he what?"
"let me finish, jacobs," he speaks, drowning out karl's confusion. "second one is- hm, i got into a fight over a girl in high school."
"okay," karl hums, and sapnap can see as his eyebrows furrow, resting his chin in his palm as he waits for sapnap to continue. "what's the third one?"
"the third one is that you are the prettiest boy i've ever met."
he watches as karl's eyes widen before he bursts into giggles, his smile hidden behind his palm, the reds of his cheeks peeking through his fingers. his hair flops when he shakes his head, gaze all wide and disbelieving, mouth still stretched into a soft grin.
"what?"
"well, go on," sapnap urges, ignoring the way his fingers shake in his lap, twisting nervously. he's glad he isn't the one streaming, glad to not have a camera in his face and an audience of thousands studying his reactions, because he's sure he would never hear the end of it if the viewers saw the state he's in. he swallows with difficulty, heart thumping in his throat, threatening to climb out and splatter his keyboard with his love. "which one is the lie?"
"it's.... hm," karl glances away, jaw flexing slightly as he thinks, captivating sapnap with all that he does, with all that he is. "i don't know."
"i'll give you a hint," and he feels brave, palms heavy on his thighs as he wipes them on his sweatpants, the rush of his blood loud in his ears. "it's not the third one."
"it's not the- oh," karl falls silent, eyes unfocused and mouth slightly open around the 'o' still, the tiniest curl to his lips in wonder. "oh. okay."
and his smile blooms then when it truly dawns on him, all gentle and soft and oh so pretty, blinking at the camera slowly. sapnap feels as if this moment is theirs only, as if there's no one else in the whole universe but the two of them, looking at each other as they float in an endless abyss, no computer screen separating them and no invisible barriers built around their souls.
he wishes karl could see him just then; knows his heart is on his sleeve, all for the other to see, honesty shining in his eyes and promises nestled into the smile adorning his lips.
he wishes karl could see him and know he means it more than he's ever meant anything in his life.
but the moment passes and karl is grinning again, palms slapping against his desk and drawing sapnap from his thoughts, back to his harsh reality where karl is streaming for a hundred thousand people and cannot see him over his screen. sapnap feels stupid.
"okay, well then it's definitely the dream one," and he sounds confident, only the faintest dust of pink remaining on his cheeks, invisible to those who aren't looking for it. sapnap is. "there's no way he accidentally gave you a black eye, how would that even happen?"
"are you sure?" he asks just to confirm, silently chuckling at the way karl nods, all determined. "well, you're wrong then."
"what?" karl exclaims, leaning forward in his chair, eyebrows furrowed and mouth open in shock, sapnap finally allowing himself to laugh. "no- what? you're lying."
"nope," sapnap manages between his giggles, calming enough to explain himself. "i never fought over a girl, what kind of high schooler do you think i was?"
"i don't know!" and karl still sounds so bewildered, stumbling over his words as he tries to grasp at answers. "so you- dream- dream gave you a black eye? accidentally? what?"
"yeah," he chuckles, shaking his head at the memory. "it's pretty stupid, really."
"explain."
"no," and it's simple as that, his tone playful, karl pouting at him through his screen. sapnap's fingers itch to take a picture of him just then, to screenshot the moment so he can etch into his brain the way karl's bottom lip pushes out and the way his eyes shine.
he doesn't have to, his twitter timeline is filled with it anyway; his gaze softening as he looks at the screenshots later when the stream is long over and the frantic beating of his heart calmed to a steady thump.
it still only beats for the other boy, but he's learning to live with that.
——
the third time it happens he's not even directly saying it to karl.
it's on quackity's stream now, sapnap fully having accepted that the only time he'll ever get to be somewhat honest is online, in front of countless viewers, even if he wishes it was just one person hearing him. the one person he wants to tell it to.
"okay, what's the first word that comes to your mind when you think of me?" quackity asks, all loud and curious for the stream, eyes wide and expectant. "here, i'll help. maybe handsome or extremely a-"
"annoying? yeah, extremely annoying," sapnap concludes, snorting at the way quackity fakes offence, spluttering through his cries.
"you know what? fine, alright," and there's a smirk on his lips then, eyes mischievous. "what about karl?"
"what about karl?"
"yeah, what about me?" karl butts in, finally speaking again after minutes of silence; sapnap almost having forgotten he's here in the call at all.
"what's the first word on your mind when you think of karl?" and the way his eyes narrow and his grin widens tells sapnap that maybe quackity knows something that he doesn't.
but sapnap's always been impulsive, he's always been a bit rash when he knew he had to perform, to play his part. and so that's what he does this time too, lets his mouth run and his tongue curl around the word he started associating with karl, sounding a lot more honest than he means to.
it should be nothing more than a joke, nothing more than playful flirting, but it stopped being just that a long time ago.
"pretty."
"oh come on," quackity exclaims, his head in his hands, all faux exasperated. "that's just not fair!"
and maybe it's not, maybe nothing about it is fair, but neither is the way his ribs soften when he hears karl giggle somewhere in the background of it all, timid and bashful. there's nothing fair about the way tension seeps from sapnap's body when the conversation moves to something else, nothing fair about the way his head spins when karl calls him 'hubby' as he says goodbye.
it's not fair, but sapnap cannot find it in himself to be upset. after all, it's not karl's fault that he has a weakness for pretty boys.
——
around the fourth time he doesn't even really notice it happens at all.
he's grown accustomed to associating karl with 'pretty', coming to him naturally whenever he thinks of the boy. because everything about karl is pretty, there is no better word for his hair that flops into his eyes, seemingly soft to the touch, sapnap wishing to run his fingers through it and tuck it behind his ears. no better word for his gentle eyes that hold the sky just before a storm, a pretty blueish grey that captivates sapnap every time he looks into them; or for his peach lips that curl all pretty and delicate around loud giggles and tender confessions. sapnap has no better word for the freckles that dot his soft cheeks or for his nails that are coated in whites and purples and pinks always, for his nimble fingers adorned by golden rings, sapnap longing to intertwine them with his own.
there is nothing about karl that is anything less than pretty, and sapnap's heart tugs in his chest with the realisation, all insistent and yearning.
so his brain goes into overdrive when karl is standing in front of him at the airport near the exit, face half hidden by his mask but still just as pretty, just as gorgeous with his loose sweater and soft hair, fingers grasping at the air at his sides. and who is sapnap to deny him anything, who is he to refuse the hug karl so clearly wants to give him but doesn't dare to; stepping into his space and wrapping his arms around the taller's waist, head coming to rest on karl's shoulder as he exhales softly. and karl is holding him close, arms locked behind his neck and face buried into his hair, rocking them slightly as he clings like his life depends on it.
"hi sapnap," he mutters when they pull back enough to look at each other, happiness shining in his eyes and an invisible smile hidden behind his mask that sapnap can imagine all the same.
and so sapnap doesn't think before he speaks, nothing but a lovesick fool, drunk on the other's touch and everything that he is, all solid and real. "you're even prettier in real life," the words tumble from his mouth, hands stuttering once he realises what he just admitted.
but all karl does is just giggle, loud and unapologetic like always, immune to the gazes he draws to himself that study him with raised eyebrows. karl doesn't care as his palm cups the back of sapnap's neck, eyes softening around the edges and his blush peeking from under his mask; 'pretty, pretty, pretty' repeating in sapnap's brain like a mantra. "you can't even really see me, chucklehead. how do you know?"
sapnap just shrugs. he doesn't know how to respond to that without confessing all that karl makes him feel right there and then, without laying his soul bare on the carpeted floor of the airport, free for everyone to walk over and scrub their feet on. his gut feels heavy with swallowed confessions but he grits his teeth and keeps his mouth shut, deciding it's not the right time just yet.
he doesn't know when it will be, but he's patient over everything else, willing to wait for as long as he has to. for karl, he would wait forever.
——
the fifth time it happens, it doesn't even really happen, but it's still just as important.
sapnap has been at karl's house for a few days already at that point, slowly growing used to the way the boy is. karl is everything that he's not, still just as loud and brave when the cameras are off, no stutter to his words or his hands that itch to touch. and touch, that he does, forever connected to sapnap in some way; fingers digging into his shoulders and slipping between his own, leaving sapnap to shrug him off, to backtrack, heart in his throat and mind buzzing all loud and hard to ignore. karl is so much but never enough at the same time, a force that draws him in and scars him at contact, leaving him stranded between two evils.
to yearn or to burn up with it all.
it's not like it's sapnap that decides in the end anyway, because no matter how hard he tries, he cannot stay away. karl is there and his soul longs for him, insisting him to bask in his presence, to drink up the warmth of his palms and his smiles while he still can. it's not like he could ever say no to karl when he asks for a hug or late afternoon cuddles that last long into the quiet of the night, the hum of his tv being the only sound in the living room other than their soft snores as they sleep tangled with each other.
karl stirs in his arms a while later, late enough that everything about the moment feels cosmic, the universe holding its breath as it watches it all unfold. sapnap's arms tighten around the boy when he raises his head from his chest enough to gaze into his eyes, the remains of sleep dancing around his irises. karl smiles, all muted and mellow, eyelashes flickering as his eyelids close against his will, head flopping back against sapnap's neck, nuzzling his nose into his skin and sighing, his breath warm on his flesh.
sapnap allows himself to smooth a palm over karl's back, no words spoken as he pokes his side twice, a signal that he's not sure the boy understands, half asleep in his arms again. his heart flutters against his ribcage, its wings threatening to carry it to the heavens, joining the angels in their songs of devotion, singing of the pure love he bears for karl. he sits them up carefully when karl makes no move to get up himself, a soundless chuckle escaping his lips when the taller groans, arms circling around sapnap's neck, putty in his hands. sapnap's fingers squeeze his waist because they can, because he wants.
sapnap wants so badly.
"'m sleepy," karl croaks out, the words brushing against his ear, all gentle and tickling his mind.
"i can tell," and it's mellow, tone hushed as if to not disturb the other in the state he's in, dancing on the line between awake and asleep, soft in a way sapnap has never seen him before. he thinks him beautiful in the serenity of the night, so so different from how he is during the day, but no less pretty. no less ethereal. "come on, let's get you to bed."
"don't wanna get up," karl whines, his hands clinging and body melting against sapnap's impossibly more, fitting there like he was made to be held by him. "you're warm."
"c'mon dummy," sapnap mutters, his hands sliding under karl's thighs where they cage his waist, hauling him up and chuckling at the way the boy squeaks and giggles, arms tightening around him, spluttering something about not dropping him. "don't worry, i got you."
he carries the sleepy boy to his room, albeit a bit more awake by the time he lowers him on his bed, eyes wide with mirth and the ghost of laughter still dancing over his teeth from where he smiles at him. sapnap weighs his options as he glances at karl; sprawled on his bed and seeming warm to the touch, everything about him inviting in contrast of the cold night air. he only hesitates for a split second before he's crawling over the sheets next to the other, nudging him over so he can settle against his side, their arms touching.
it's dark enough where sapnap doesn't see the way karl's mouth curls gently, his bottom lip drawn between his teeth as he tries to stop his grin and the blush that's climbing up his neck and threatens to paint his cheeks red; but he does feel the way he reaches for him again, nimble fingers grasping in the dark, lost until they find his flesh, tugging sapnap until his face is nestled in karl's neck and his palm curls around his waist.
he listens to the boy's heart, all loud and insistent in the soundless room, time stopping around them, nothing but karl's heartbeat and his soft breaths reminding him that he's real, that this is all real and all his. his throat tightens in the way it does before tears gather in his eyes and paint his cheeks silver as they rush to pool in his collarbones, before his lungs tremble in his ribcage and his fingers tingle with all that he feels, his emotions oozing from the tips and piling under his nails. he feels overwhelmed in away he's never felt before, and he feels helpless, swallowing his words and pushing himself closer to karl.
and all sapnap can do is press a kiss into the dip between the other's neck and shoulder, mouthing the words he desperately wishes to say into his collarbone, the confession seeping into karl's skin, all warm and sweet, melting over his heart and sticking his lungs together. and sapnap is clueless of it all, gentle dreams kissing his closed eyelids as he succumbs to slumber, tangled in karl enough that even the universe doesn't know where one stops and the other begins, the word 'pretty' dancing around his exhausted brain.
——
it's a quiet morning when their roles get reversed at last; karl still nothing more than soft edges and muted colours, all of him sepia in sapnap's eyes.
they still lay close to each other in karl's bed, memories of last night foggy in his sleepy brain, palms cupping thighs and lips moving slow against flesh. but it was nothing more than that, innocent and pure in its entirety, warm as it surges in sapnap's veins, numbing his whole being. he allows himself to gaze at the other boy's sleeping face, eyes fleeting over long lashes and constellations of freckles, stopping on pink lips that open around soft snores.
it still baffles him, even after all this time, just how pretty karl truly is. everything about him is cosmic, ethereal and seemingly so out of reach, far away even if all but a breath separates their faces on his pillow that they share. sapnap feels as if his fingers still wouldn't touch if he reached out just now, phasing through karl's body, nothing but a dream, a vision of true beauty that his brain made up.
but then karl is stirring in his sleep, eyelids fluttering and his mouth closing to swallow, locking gazes with him a few seconds later. and sapnap is shameless, doesn't avert his eyes or pretends to be asleep still, allowing himself a soft smile as karl grumbles something, no actual words forming on his chapped lips.
"good morning," he whispers, his tone raspy, clearing his throat and watching as karl stretches. he reminds him of a cat as he basks in the light that seeps into his room through the window above his bed, his shirt riding up to expose his stomach, all lean and smooth, sapnap's fingers longing to touch.
sapnap wants, wants, and wants.
"morning," karl answers a minute later, turning to his side again to look at him. sapnap holds his breath as he waits for karl to say something more, patient as the other boy stares and stares, all unguarded and gaze full of wonder.
"you're so pretty," karl mutters then, soft in the gentle light of the morning, sunshine catching on the words, all mellow and comforting. "nick, do you know how pretty you are?"
there's warmth pooling in sapnap's stomach at the sudden admission, spreading to his limbs and painting his cheeks red, a timid smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "am i?"
he's never been called pretty before. he knows he's relatively attractive, sure, but not pretty. it's always been his mum calling him handsome while straightening the collars of his shirt, it was girls calling him hot in high school, the word whispered between them like a secret, loud giggles following afterwards. it's never been 'pretty'; it's never been boys like karl calling him pretty. and it's unfamiliar and it makes his guts twist, but it's not a bad feeling.
it's not bad at all.
"you are," and karl's fingers dance over his cheekbones, his touch light and fleeting, barely there. sapnap could almost miss it if it wasn't for the fact that his whole being is focused on the other boy, his breath held carefully. "you really are."
and sapnap would mutter the same words back, would shy away and shift the attention to karl, because god knows karl is prettier. sapnap could never compete with him; but it's not like he wants to, it's not like he would ever want to take that title from him. and so he stays quiet, smiles in a way that feels like a secret, that's only for them to see, karl's thumb fitting into his dimple, smoothing over his skin gently.
"my pretty boy," the other whispers and then sapnap is leaning forward, licking the words off the boy's lips, shutting him up with a clumsy kiss. their noses bump and karl's eyes widen before they close and he tilts his head to the side to correct it, letting sapnap lick behind his teeth when cold fingers dig into his sides, signalling for him to part his lips. they kiss slow and languid, basking in it all, inhaling their love and exhaling their souls, hearts beating the same calm rhythm.
sapnap feels complete in that moment in a way he's never felt before; floating in a void filled with devotion, skin buzzing and his bones tingling, transparent fingers clasping his hands and pulling him along. and he goes willingly, letting the universe show him all that he's been missing, love singing in his ears and karl smiling all pretty and soft behind his closed eyelids.
"i love you," he breathes, all blissed out and happy when their mouths part, pulling the boy closer and flipping them over until karl is laying on his chest, heavy and comforting and real, their noses brushing. karl grins in a way sapnap's never seen him before, the corners of his eyes crinkling and cheeks splitting with the force of it, happiness so evident in his features that sapnap thinks it's going to swallow them both whole.
"i know, dummy," and karl is giggling, all high pitched and carefree, body vibrating with it. his palms cup sapnap's jaw, the touch grounding him. "i love you too."
and sapnap just kisses him again; both of them too happy to really do anything more than press their lips together before it's broken by grins too big and the need to say those three words again and again, hands never once straying from each other. he feels as if he were 14 again, sneaking behind bleachers to kiss girls way too pretty for him, hands shaking and heart beating in his throat, all loud and irregular. none of them could compete with karl though; karl who makes him feel like a kid again, all stupid and drunk on feelings too cosmic for him to comprehend. every kiss they share seems like he's experiencing something he's never done before, familiar feelings suddenly unknown in the best, most exciting way possible, and he doesn't think he could ever get enough of it.
he wouldn't trade it for anything.
and karl calls him pretty again as sapnap stands in his kitchen making coffee for the both of them; the boy's chin resting in his palm as he stares at him from where he's sitting at the counter, all confident and bold.
he still blushes all red and beautiful when sapnap walks over to him with two cups in his hands though, pressing a fleeting kiss to karl's nose, muttered words about him being an angel seeping beneath his skin and warming his heart.
sapnap thinks him pretty, prettier than anyone he's ever seen, and now when karl glances at him, gaze unguarded and oozing of adoration, he knows the other boy thinks the same too.