Archive of Our Own

Yaku had been feeling really tired of his life for a long time. He couldn't find another reason to get up during the morning asides from his mom's voice yelling out to him. However, during cloudy days, with little or no energy, he managed to crawl out of the darkness of his room to the balcony where he spent hours and hours admiring the grey sky full of dark clouds that more sooner than later unleashed a storm.

That, perhaps, gave him that push his monotonous life needed. 

It was his last year at university and he was close to getting a degree in Economics, had excellent grades and an impeccable attendance that his parents had insisted on maintaining. In reality, he couldn't care less about his title, having been forced to chose it despite his attempts to decline.

Yaku closed his eyes and let out a long sigh, hiding his red nose behind the grey scarf he wore that day. He got out of the bus and adjusted the straps of the backpack that slid down his shoulder, making his way towards the faculty. 

A bit further, his eyes stopped over the figure of his best friend standing in a carefree but smiling demeanour, with his classic tousled hair and his bangs subtlety falling over his forehead. Yaku did not manage to greet him, not even shot a smile, and as soon as his eyes fell over the young man he quickly shot them towards the university's wide door, following his way and passing by his side in a carefree way. 

"Yakkun"

He had quickly turned around with a wide smile as soon as he had noticed the little man's presence.

Yaku exasperated with some fatigue. He forced himself to cautiously turn back, noticing the black-haired quickly approaching him.

"Yakkun"

Returning his feline brown eyes over him, Yaku noticed he had to look up due to the height difference, which did not but increased his annoyance. 

"What?", he fiercely snapped. 

Noticing how his friend's smiled tilted slightly, however, he kept talking as if he hadn't noticed the very obvious sour mood Morisuke carried with him.

"Nothing man, I just wanted to say hi", he placed a hand over his nape, doubtful, "Would you like to come with us to the bar tonight?"

Yaku blinked quickly, pursing lips in a grimace.

"I can't, Kuroo, I got other things to do".

Without waiting for an answer and in a shameless way he turned around once again, going back to his path towards the university's door and missing the confused expression plastered on Kuroo's face.

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At the end of his morning classes, he went back his way towards the bus stop with an insisted desire to go back home and lock himself in his bedroom for the rest of the day. Yaku sighed for what seemed to be the fifth time that day, walking distractedly and giving clumsy steps carrying noticeable fatigue. 

Before he could even notice the presence of the person in front of him, Yaku felt his face softly collide against something soft.

He got away for a moment, stepping back and frowning upset.

In that precise instant, the sky started to brighten and the warm sun rays filtered between the grey clouds, enlightening the figure of the boy in front of him, who shot him a sincere, radiant smile. The day seemed to change drastically, like a flower spreading his petals under the new season.

"Hi!", the boy smiled with a remarkable calm that for some reason pissed Yaku off, waving at him a very pale very large hand.

Yaku shot up his eyebrows, eyeing with suspicion at the new guy in front of him.

He decided to save the reply for the other's greeting; he didn't know him, he had no reason to even if other people saw it as rude.

"Who are you?", he asked sharply without losing time.

The boy slightly tilted his head in minor confusion, but swiftly went back to his former expression, subtly smiling at him. He seemed the live incarnation of some mystic been, his stare converting far, far more than what Yaku could see.

"I'm Lev. Haiba Lev", he lowered his hand, grabbing it with the other in a nervous act that made him twirl his toes inside his sneakers.

Yaku shot him an almost contemptuous stare and, sliding his hands in the pockets of his jacket, nodded without giving it too much thought, passing by his side towards the newly arrived bus. 

"Yaku..."

An almost imperceptible whisper reached his ears and abruptly stopped him in his tracks. His heart bumped. Harshly. Striking his chest as if it craved to get out of his little corner. 

How does he know my name?

"You don't remember me?"

That guy kept his back turned towards him and spoke in soft whispers Yaku barely managed to grasp. Sharpening his ears in an attempt to, maybe, catch something aside from the chirping of the birds at the higher branches of the near trees or his own gasping breath.

Morisuke shifted uncomfortable, turning around to face that weird guy.

"Who are you?", he harshly repeated, eyes narrow.

Lev turned slowly, hiding an afflicted expression behind a trembling smile. Shyly he pursed his lips, nervously averting his eyes towards Yaku's figure. 

"Since you... took care of me, I've been looking for you", the tall guy confessed, cheeks painted in a faint pink, looking down. 

Yaku scrunched his face in confusion.

"I don't know you"

Arms crossed in front of his chest, he did not care to hide an exasperated expression. Lev darted his emerald eyes towards him, giving him an intense look that Yaku could not decipher. 

Lev scratched his head in discomfort. 

"I met you a few years ago when I was... bad", he took a fleeting look at his surroundings, trying to escape the curious stare from the shorter man in front of him, "I was bedridden in a hospital bed for months and I had very little hope of surviving; I had already given up to the idea of dying in that place, completely alone"

Yaku heard a single laugh, dry, harsh and graceless leave the other's throat.

"But then I met you by accident...", and once again a huge bright smile split Lev's face in two, remembering that moment, "You confused rooms on from that day on we were friends. You encouraged me up every time I decayed and you were always there to hold my hand"

Strange. Lev was very strange. He shifted from a sad to a gleeful expression in a matter of seconds.

"Until one day you didn't come back"

Yaku tightened his lips, mute. His heart kept beating like crazy, and that only worsened his mood. He shifted his eyes towards his sneakers, trying to find the right words to say.

"What do you want, then?", he hesitated.

The man in front of him hid his disappointed expression behind a vague smile with a hint of sadness. Yaku did not change countenance.

 "I... just wanted to thank you, Yaku", Lev replied, raising his head with insecurity, stuffing his hands in his brown coat.

"It's fine anyway, you don't have to. I didn't do much, I was just being kind towards you"

Yaku's answer was cold and concise, thinking that perhaps sharp words could be enough to help the other man their little meeting had already concluded. Once again he turned around to take the soon-to-leave bus.

He really had no interest in knowing or even remembering the other guy, his only wish being to get the hell out of there to not deal with the stranger and everything that surrounded that moment. 

Yaku started his way once again without even giving a glance to the tall guy, got into the bus and rested his forehead over the cold glass of the nearly empty vehicle.  He closed his eyes and tried to convince himself tomorrow was going to be a better day. 

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During the weekend the only thing he did was hide under the blankets and the darkness of his bedroom, ignoring Kuroo's insistent calls and his sudden visit to Yaku's place. However, to his dismay, the short man found himself walking towards the faculty for what would be the last Monday of his school year. 

Yaku crossed the gate surrounding the building and with a weird nod, he greeted the gatekeeper that swept the dry leaves covering the stone tiles. Hurrying his way with the clear intention of avoiding with the tall rooster-head, who would not doubt for a second to throw a string of questions in regards of his sudden, distant attitude. Questions Yaku did not have the least intention to answer. 

He really didn't want nor could face his friend in those moments.

"Good morning, Yaku!!"

The sudden voice unleashed a snap in Yaku's body, causing him to tense up and form a single eyebrow to twitch in an annoying tic. The short man sighed heavily to not put up a bad face. Lev appeared once again, a cheerful smile adorning his face, and hurried his pace, quickly hoping until he stopped to stand in front of the brown-haired man.

"You again?", he inquired, voice dripping heavily on tiredness.

Lev's smile widened, nodding repeatedly. Yaku thought he looked really stupid. 

"You know you're starting to seem like a stalker, right?"

The other's face quickly morphed in a worried grimace, raising his hands and rapidly waving them in front of him from one side to another. 

"Sorry!", he blurted, "I really didn't mean to give you trouble or discomfort! I just wanted to return the favour and... grant you a wish!"

Yaku lifted an eyebrow, his lips twitching to a side with little curiosity, "Wish?"

Lev went back to his usual expression full of happiness and, from the back pocket of his trousers, he pulled out a little red bag with a white cord. He proudly rose his hand, showing Yaku the little object.

 “You need to tell me your wish, so I can fulfil it with this”

Yaku shot him a stare full of disbelief, rolling eyes to the taller man. Sticking both hands in his jean’s front pockets, the shorter man shot a distrustful star at the red object between the other’s white, long fingers.

“What is it?”

“I can’t tell you if you don’t tell me your wish”, he smiled, taking both hands over his mouth in almost a mocking manner. Yaku saw his cheeks blushing pink and his emerald eyes shining with mischief.

Was he an adult or a child trapped in an older’s body?

Yaku sighed closing his eyes, running the fingertips over the temples and not really knowing what to do or say. Hesitating, he wet his lips with his tongue and waved a hand, downplaying the other.

“I want nothing, so please stop bothering”

Looking away and ignoring the taller man, Yaku proceeded his way to get inside the university and trying to lose him out of sight as fast as possible

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It has been a while since Yaku had seen Lev for the last time; perhaps in their last meeting, Lev had understood that he did not need to return the favour that he had done years ago for the grey-haired man and that with his presence all he did was annoy Yaku greatly.

Far away he saw Kuroo staring quite intensely at the phone between his hands. Yaku tightened his lips in nervousness, deciding it was finally that moment he had been avoiding so much. In where he had to face him and stop running away. They were best friends, after all, and those new feelings didn’t have to get in the way of friendship.

Swinging absentmindedly, he gave clumsy steps until stopping barely a few meters away from his best friend. He observed him from toes to shoes, unconsciously breathing out the air he had been holding in for a brief moment. Doing his best to reach out to a little of the courage available inside his nervous heart, begging for his mind not to betray him and do the exact opposite.

His walking suddenly stopped and only then Yaku realized that the person who had been following him for several days was standing by his side, smiling widely.

“Hello Yaku!!”, he gently greeted, smiling towards Morisuke.

Said man frowning deeply, glaring up with an annoyance that didn’t go unseen to Lev, his happy smile straightening in a tight line.

Yaku was clearly not happy to see him again, had zero interest in even stand his very own presence, why the fuck was he so damn insistent?

Yaku looked back to Kuroo, who was already leaving along with a few friends. At that moment he knew that, maybe, he had lost his one and only chance to properly speak with him. Brown eyes stared at Kuroo’s back until the other’s figure disappeared between the massive crowd.

He stuffed both fists inside his jacket, shoulder tense and scrunched. His stare shifted towards Lev, who was looking at his every single movement. The other’s green eyes seemed to shine whenever he got some of the elder’s attention.

Annoyed, Yaku roughly gripped Lev's arm and dragged him away without an ounce of kindness. He forced the other to sit by his side over a wooden bench under the shadow of an old and narrow oak tree. The chestnut-haired man clicked his tongue in annoyance, clearly not losing the upset expression engraved on his face.

“Listen… I don’t know you and I already told you there’s no need to pay me back. You’re purposely pissing me off”

Lev shrunk on his place, fidgeting with the tip of his reddish finger, suddenly feeling incredibly small.

“I’m sorry, Yaku. I really didn’t mean to upset you, it’s just… Look, all this time I just wanted to know where were you so I could speak to you. I understand you don’t recognize me- “, he mumbled in an almost inaudible voice, pulling a strand of hair behind his ear, “- but if you let me tell you everything, perhaps you’ll remember”

He leaned back on the bench realizing Lev was not one of those persons who easily gave up and that he would clearly become a pain in the ass if he didn’t manage to shrug him away.

Really, he wasn’t interested in listening. He just simply did not care what the other could say. He only wanted to be left alone in fucking peace.

Yaku pressed his fingers over his eyes.

After a few minutes, he let out a dry confirmation, getting comfortable over the bench and hoping that after this the other could simply leave for once and for all. Lev’s enthusiasm lit up as fast as the wind, ruffled his hair and smile placing both hands over his lap.

He related that old story with parsimony, emphasizing those moments he deemed necessary, sheepishly smiling and twirling his long fingers over his knees.

March 7, six years ago, he had met a certain Haiba Lev in one of the rooms from an old hospital when, accidentally, he had entered the other’s room. He remembered it. Remembered his yellow and sick face, eyes rimmed in dark spots from lack of sleep, all his body reduced to only skin and bones without a trace of muscles mass and not a single good life prognosis.

Despite dying a little more every passing day, Lev smiled. And that day, with a lot of effort he sat in bed and invited him to spend time inside his bedroom, one he loved to decorate with sunflowers. It had been a while since Lev had seen someone his age and decided to sue that moment to know the young man with such a strange personality.

At that moment Yaku thought he did not want to make a new friend in those circumstances, even less a friend as ill as Lev was. At that moment, noticeably uncomfortable, he apologized, seeing the other one shrug it off with a wave of his hand, never leaving aside his positive attitude.

And for Yaku’s consternation, weeks later, he found himself sharing with Haiba more and more moments than he would’ve liked. The taller one was a really energetic fellow despite the critical situation he was in and had taken his time to get to know Yaku properly.

However, months later, Lev’s parents made the choice of transferring their son to a better clinical centre with the hope to heal the young man. His illness ravaged his body every passing hour, and Lev could die at any given moment.

Those last few days together, Yaku spent all the night guarding Lev’s sleep, caressing his forehead with shaky fingers, desperately clinging to the other’s pale and slender hand. The little sunflower he had placed between Lev’s dry and flimsy grey hair strands was as shiny as the last night, remembering him that even if his heart fell apart in anguish he had to be just as positive as the semi-giant laying in that hospital bed, surrounded by the almost overwhelming smell of disinfectant and treatment drugs.

Lev slept peacefully with a little grin full of happiness drawn in his expression. Because despite everything he had been happy the last few months, with Yaku by his side. Because he had blown away the emotional pain of solitude and lowliness and Lev that even if he couldn’t spend any more time along with his beloved friend, he’d take care of him the same way Yaku took care of him. From wherever he was until the start stopped shining, the galaxies fused and the sun consumed itself, and the short man joined the endless amount of souls filled with peace, Lev would be there to greet him with open arms. Because he believed in Heaven and dreamed every night with a fanciful paradise waiting for them after death and ached to show it to Yaku.

However, the morning of the next Saturday, the bed was empty.

His tremulous fingers closed around the stem of the last sunflower Lev had gifted him. The bottom of his eyes began to sting, grinding his teeth. He opened the door handle and shot a quick side glance to the room. A very normal hospital room.

The sunflowers Lev loved so much were no longer there, and neither his usual cheerfulness. Along with him, he took the little happiness Yaku held within himself.

As time went by his repressed heart little by little began to forget what had once been a beautiful friendship, being reduced to vague memories soon left in the past. Hidden and buried in the deepest recoils of his mind, making sure they never get to see the daylight again, but he never thought of the possibility of Lev simply showing up, carrying his usual happiness with him.

Yaku shot him a side glance once the other finished his narration.

Lev calmly stared at the clouds, his chest going up and down along his rhythmic breathing, slow and constant. There was no trace from that sick kid he had met all those years ago, not even a little symptom giving away any type of possible sequel. He seemed a very different person from the one he had met during his adolescence.

Yaku’s heart jumped once again. Yaku was happy for him.

His countenance loosened the harshness with which he received him every day. He smiled imperceptibly.

“I’m sorry”, he said after a long silence, “I was rude to you, I shouldn’t have treated you like that. It’s just... I haven’t been in a good mood for a while”

A look of glee crossed Haiba’s face, “It’s fine. It happened a lot of years ago, I understand that you did not recognize me. I should apologize to you instead, for being so insistent”

Yaku smiled sincerely this time, “You were always insistent, Lev. You really haven’t changed since that time”

It was weird to think of when they met, both being just teenagers of 16 and 17, both very dumb and clumsy. Very innocent before the changed that evil destiny had prepared. Years had passed and Yaku had matured enough for his age yet, strangely, Lev looked exactly the same as back then.

“I’d like to meet the new Yaku. To recover our lost time”, he proposed, enthusiasm staining his childish voice.

Yaku stared at him with a serious and analyzing expression. He really hadn't changed a thing.

He nodded returning a sly smile.

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During the next few minutes, they walked side by side until they reached the tallers' place, Lev having offered him to watch a movie outside of his bedroom's balcony. 

He entered the other's place, still feeling that familiar twist on his belly at that very annoying and very obvious height difference, although he said nothing about it. He took off his shoes and both went upstairs. The house was strangely silent and dark, although it gave off a very warm, home-like feeling that enveloped his whole body.

Lev opened the windows giving way to the balcony, sitting over the bed and turning on his laptop. Yaku suddenly felt somewhat self-conscious.

"What movie do you want to watch?", he asked after a while, eyes staring right at the screen.

Yaku slowly walked to the bed, hesitatingly sitting a bit away from Lev. 

"Uhm...", he mumbled, "Anything you chose is fine"

Lev hurried and hurried to tidy up the balcony, placing in the centre a little table and moving closer to a double couch from the corner of the room. He filled their surroundings with short pillows, both sitting at each side of the couch. 

Lev left the computer over the table and the movie started.

Yaku noticed how the taller one snuggled into himself, hugging his legs as the blanket covered both his shoulders. He, in contrast, only covered his legs. His gaze met the setting sun, the few remaining rays of light illuminating Lev's tired face sitting by his side.

Yaku felt an incredible melancholy hit his chest.

And soon it got dark. 

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At midnight, feeling colder than usual, Yaku woke up. By his side, wide eyes red from staring too long into the screen was Lev, awake and intensely engaged at the almost finished movie. It seemed like he hadn't moved from his former position at all during all this time. At no point did the half-Russian looked at Yaku and it was not until the late placed his hand over the other's shoulder that his eyes slowly turned to his. Lev seemed sad. And Yaku, without knowing why, was too.

Then, Lev smiled. Fake, but smiled. 

Something inside Yaku stirred.

"You should go to sleep already. I have to go too, is late", he said.

Lev blinked slowly. "Stay"

Lightning at the distance briefly illuminated the room.

He had no intention to stay. Lev seemed completely gone. Usually, he would just simply ignored the other's request and would leave without saying another word. Although at noticing Lev' smile, never reaching his emerald eyes, Yaku forgot about everything else.

Finally, he accepted.

After cleaning everything up they both laid over the taller one's bed, heart beating like crazy. He heard the other's uneasy breathing as if he wanted to say something he did not dare to speak up. Yaku very intensely stared at some damp stain on the ceiling, trying to escape Lev's heavy stare. 

Lev licked his dry limps. His throat reached. He turned his head towards Yaku's direction and spoke up:

"I missed you"

Yaku turned to him and stared. The bottom of the bedroom filled with sunflowers, some of them already dead. It didn't seem like something sixteen-year-old Lev would do since he used to be very careful with them. Yaku hesitantly rose a hand, his fingers sinking in thin strands of grey hair, smiling sincerely but unable to reciprocate the confession.

Because he hadn't missed him the same way the other did. 

Lev burrowed his head on the pillow, closing his eyes under the other's soft touch. Little by little with the joy of having Yaku by his side, the young man fell into a deep slumber under the brown gaze and the quiet caresses in his hair

Outside the rain broke loose and Yaku's heart clenched a bit that night. 

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The arrival of autumn had changed things a lot. It wasn't a happy day as it usually was.

Dry brown leaves peeled off the branches along with the soft cold blizzards, crunching under his black ankle boots. Yaku's gaze wandered from one place to another, dull and lacking their usual spark, a strange feeling dulling his chest to the point of suffocating him.

Lev's soft laugh could be heard from afar, reaching his ears. The taller man had his hands wet due to the water of the font he was playing in, face splattered with little droplets and, as always, smiling at the littlest details, cheeks and nose as red as the feathers of a cardinal bird. 

It had been a year. Lev looked the same. He, in contrast, had grown quite a lot in this short time.

He had a stable job and a small apartment, finally managing to become independent from his parent and had everything he could've ever wished for. 

However, he was not happy. And the feeling of unease was still latent to the point of burning his skin and shaking his heart.

"Yakkun"

A loud, thick voice caught his ears. Yaku recognized it immediately. He smiled, although it didn't reach his eyes. 

"Kuroo"

"How've you been?", he asked sitting by his side. 

The shorter one shrugged, "Fine, I guess"

Kuroo leaned his back on the bench, moving his leg up and down restlessly. Up, down. 

"It's been a long since I heard about you... since we graduated"

Yaku nodded, not really knowing how to continue the conversation. Kuroo had changed, even taller than before and his chin now growing a little goatee. Thanks to a flash of light he managed to catch a glimpse of an engagement ring happily shining on his friend's finger, and looked up to the sky, infinite, wide, endless and beautiful, looking for the dark clouds he found so soothing. Perhaps he wanted a storm to happen soon. He laughed roughly. 

"Yeah. It's been a while"

The uncomfortable silence thickened. Their friendship had deteriorated and they both knew it, a fact inevitably reaching them at some point.

Yaku shifted in his place and cleared his throat, not wanting for the conversation to die and digging a bit more into the other's private life. Although he did not want to admit it, even after all this time, he still cared. The other had been, after all, his first love and best friend all throughout their younger years.

"Kuroo"

A calm voice spoke up in front of them. The clear sky showered them with its warm light and a sunray shone softly over the other's hand, a silver ring wrapping his finger on its comfortable grip. Like it belonged. 

"Kenma", Kuroo stood up and grabbed the other's hands, tender and gentle; love, adoration and affect filling his eyes as he stared down at the man with the black hair and golden tips.

Yaku stared. Rejoicing for the one who had been once his best friend.

Kuroo introduced them to each other and happiness was quite notorious on his gleeful expression. He had a harmonious life, full of happiness, and Yaku envied him. Longing, his heart painfully ached for the same. 

He looked away and they retired after a little while. He did not bother to fare them goodbye, resining simply to stare their furthering figures, taking with them the happy aura so foreign to him. 

Quick steps were heard by his side as Lev got closer to him, a white carnation resting between his pinkish hands, eyes green and bright, walking long steps to stay reach Yaku's side.

"It's time to go, Levy"

The taller man wrapped his fingers around Yaku's jacket's sleeve, gripping tight and clinging as a habit that had developed between them during the last few months. 

Yaku walked at a slow pace as the man with grey hair and a pale face closely trailed after him, various flowers of different colours placed over his straight hair. 

They walked home in complete silence. 

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At nightfall, Lev turned off his bedroom's lights and nuzzled into Yaku's clothes, hiding his face on the other's shoulder. He felt small brushes of Lev's cold nose against his neck, causing him to tickle.

Yaku stretched out his hand and took Lev's between his. The skin frigid to the touch prickled under the heat of his own, smaller hands. 

Lev leaned back.  He stared at him, calmly exhaling through the nose, his eyes slowly closing under the effects of the sleepiness attacking his body. The squinted eyelids finally closed, hiding away the emerald orbits as he dozed off. His hand loosened the grip but a shake stirred him up. 

"I'm still here", Yaku reminded him in a whisper. 

Lev's heart relaxed at hearing the other's voice. His fastened heartbeat slowed down, his breathing falling in a rhythmic pattern and was able to feel it softly grazing the skin over his cheeks. 

After a while, he was finally able to rest in Yaku's arms who lovingly lulled him to sleep all night. With their breaths entwining in the night of that Friday.

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The next few days hadn't improved at all. A sour taste invaded his mouth, feeling a strange discomfort twisting at the pit of his stomach, causing him that horrible sensation of bile rising and burning his throat.

That feeling that tormented every single day since he had met Lev. 

He cleared his throat, taking a sip of water over the water from the glass on the middle table. He ran a hand over his face, trying to clear away that strange sensation so close to vertigo. 

He watched the calendar resting at the top of the fridge. 

December 24th, 2020. 

"Are you ready?"

Lev appeared in the living, a backpack hanging from his shoulder. Yaku smiled at his sight. 

They had decided to spend Christmas together; they would go to a bridge near the central park where they would be able to better appreciate the firework from the lake. 

Lev was more than excited. It was the first time he'd see the fireworks. 

Yaku walked closer to him, his gaze falling on his badly folded shirt. He adjusted the garment in the neck area, grazing his finger against his pale skin. He noticed how the height difference, a thorn in his shoe for so, so long, was now almost nonexistent. He now reached the other's face, over his chin. 

Lev had not grown nor matured over the years. 

The grey-haired man smiled down at him and gently grabbed his hand, pulling him from it until they left Yaku's apartment, guiding him between the streets amongst the heavily Christmas-decorated lamposts. The full moon imposed its presence with its shiny light surrounded by small constellations.

Yaku forced himself to smile. 

When they reached the lake there were already plenty of couples and families already sitting over blankets on top of the grass. They both found a spot a bit away from the others, extended a red blanket and sat down waiting for the long-awaited pyrotechnics.

Lev arranged the food containers they had cooked together and began to eat, immersed in an eternal silence that they did not know how to break. Yaku watched everything around him wondering why Lev wasn't as talkative as he normally was.

"Are you okay?"

Lev gave him a fleeting glance. A beaming smile crossed his face. 

11:40 p.m

"Yes", he affirmed, "It's just that I'm a little nervous"

Yaku smiled and firmly held his hand, entwining his fingers with Lev's. 

Lev tilted his head slightly, looking at him with curiosity. 

"Why?"

11:50 p.m 

The people around them began to stand. The sky from the star seemed to shine brighter than ever. 

Yaku stared at him, his heart pounding with love. He breathed out slowly through his nose.

"Lev..."

A flash of red suddenly crossed Haiba's face and a soft explosion could be heard from afar. They both turned to watch the light show presented in front of them. Lev quickly stood up, smiling with enthusiasm and happiness like a child in an amusement park, his big eyes being illuminated by the fireworks in addition to their usual spark. 

Yaku stared up at him. He loved to see the other happy and wanted that happiness to last forever. 

He did not want for that moment to end. Even if he had to do the impossible. 

He slowly stood up and wrapped his arms around the other's chest, burying his face on his chest. He looked for the comfort only Lev was able to give, desperately clinging to him. His hand clang to his own shirt, squeezing it between his white knuckles. His heart ached. It ached so hard even his legs started to tremble. He tightly closes his eyes, the tears starting to itch.

Instantly he forced himself to suppress a sob that tightened in his throat and choked him to the point of forming a lump. He couldn't take it anymore.

He felt Lev's arms closing around him, giving him an infinite sense of relief. He felt at home, safe and full of love. But that pain on his chest was still there, reminded it wasn't going to leave in a long long time. 

"Yaku...", the other whispered, kissing his head repeatedly. 

With some effort he detached himself from him a bit, looking up to those green eyes looking at him with the most intense and pure affection able to exit in the cruel world they lived in. Because that was Lev, an angel full of purity that had come at the most inopportune moment. 

Lev kissed his forehead, leaving it there for a while in his attempt to transmit everything his anxious heart felt for him. 

"I already know my wish...", he whispered.

Haiba rested a cheek on his forehead, nodding expectantly at the other's response.

"The wish you told me to ask you a while back"

He paused, clinging to his body again, fearing he was going to leave. That he was going to vanish like dust in the wind, taking him elsewhere and far, far away from him. Again, away from each other.

"Please...", he mumbled, "Don't leave me again"

He felt the other's body tensing between his arms; however, his hands made their way to his cheeks, cradling them. 

Lev dedicated him one of his greatest smiles: sincere, cheerful and full of love. Tears bathed his hands without being able to stop them. Haiba tenderly stroked his wet cheeks and leaned into his face.

Yaku closed his eyes as tear kept running down his face. 

He was scared. Scared of losing Lev as long ago he had when he believed that he would die alone. Without someone by his side to hold his hand and told him it was fine if he could no longer continue because Yaku would be there to hug him and listen to his very last breath. Because he loved Lev more than anything in this world because he had been his first love in his younger years. Not Kuroo. That boy that smiled even if he was dying, because he hated that others felt sorry for him. That boy who loved sunflowers, the one he was holding between his arms in that very moment. The same one who told hideous jokes only for Yaku to laugh, only because his smile was reason enough to hold another day. Because he didn't want to turn off that smile. Because he fell in love with him the same way he fell in love with the beauty of the flowers. 

That pure love sprouted from his heart the same way the sunflower petals would sprout looking for the warmth of the sun. They were destined to be together 

Lev appreciated the beauty on his life partner's face, caressing him with care as if he could break at any given moment. Careful and slow he placed his lips over the smaller man's in an innocent first kiss, feeling that salty taste of tears sneaking in their mouths. 

"Happy Christmas, Yaku", he whispered against his lips. 

He flashed a smile covered in tears, running his fingers under his eyes. 

"Happy Christmas, Lev"

Yaku was happy that night. And Lev was too.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  

Yaku saw as Lev nuzzled between the blankets of his bed, burying his nose in the softness of his pillow. Yaku approached him, clearing his white forehead and settling down beside him, able to feel the warmth that emanated from his body.

His cheeks were red, showing a little feeling of shame he tried to hide away from the shorter man. Yaku got closer to him, placing little kisses all over his face in an attempt to sho away whatever self-consciousness the other might feel.  

A slow, brief giggle sprouted from the other's deep throat, the little grazes of Yaku's lips tickling his skin. The green of his eyes shone brighter than ever and he felt completely and utterly happy. 

That moment would be one of the ones he'd hold closest to his heart and would remember it time after time during the worst moments of his life. Lev was his happiness and drove away his discomfort. 

Lev turned around, twisting his body and stretching an arm towards the bedside table, taking out from one of the drawers the little red bag he had shown him some time ago. He turned towards Yaku, staring straight into his eyes. He grabbed his palm and place the little object on top, guarding it between his phalanges.

"Don't open it now", he asked, wrapping both his hands around Yaku's smaller one. 

Yaku pursed his lips trying to hold in the inevitable curiosity. Simply nodding, he tightly hugged the other man, hiding his face on the crook of his neck. Lev gently caressed his back, running the tips of his fingers down his spine and causing slight shivers over his body. He felt Lev getting closer to his ear, his breathing appeased and calm, giving him a feeling of unequalled stillness.

"Yaku...", he murmured.

Yaku opened his eyes. Expecting. 

"I love you today and for all eternity. Please, never forget that"

His hand travelled all the way to his nape where he lovingly stroked the short hair on Lev's head. He detached himself from him and saw the sincerity reflexed on a genuine expression along with his crystallized eyes. 

His heart pumped fast. Yaku smiled. He rose a hand to caress the other's face. 

"I love you forever, Lev"

His hand tensed and he clung to him for one last time.

.   .   .   .   .   .   .   .  

When Yaku woke up, it was already noon. 

Outside, the grey clouds covered the sunlight. The birds were singing, the flowers were blooming and the cold wind snuck between the wooden window sill. It was a beautiful day. It was a graceless day.

The darkness of his bedroom didn't let him see beyond his feet covered in a blanket. He kept his eyes closed, swallowing with difficulty. The lump inside his dry throat thickened, tightening the grip around it. 

He lazily sat down, his bare shoes in direct contact with the concrete floor and yet he wasn't fazed at all when a shiver ran through his body. His body felt heavier than other days. 

Because that day was different from any other day. 

He put on his sneakers, did not even bother to change his clothes. He went to the restroom and washed his teeth, trying not to stare at the reflection of his own face over the mirror. It had been a long time since he saw himself for the last time yet, being honest, it wasn't necessary to do so to know how emaciated he was. The red and black spots under his dull eyes were enough reminder of the many many days he had not been sleeping properly. 

He left the restroom once again entering the darkness of his bedroom and for a brief moment, the lump in his throat stopped him from breathing. He took a deep breath and exhaled through his mouth, his dark eyes darting over the little lump in his bed. With trembling fingers, he touched the blanket covering the little lump and took them away as soon as he felt the softness of the blanket. 

He grabbed his jacket and vaguely placed it over his shoulders, trembling hands hidden inside his pockets. He knew the way, it was not the first time he went there. 

The sky was grey as it was every single year.

He smiled mechanically. 

As always he passed by the flower shop near the corner of his place's block and bought a few sunflowers before going on his way. His hands were freezing and the flowers shook between his fingers. 

He walked slowly, trying to make time, his heart beating slowly. He almost seemed dead. 

Once he arrived he kneeled down and smiled absently. 

"Hey", he greeted in a low murmur. 

He left the sunflowers on the ground and took off some dead flowers and dry leaves covering the grave.

When he removed them he saw the photo again, the photo of the boy he missed so much and that even though years went by he could never forget.

Lev Haiba

1998-2016

With the tip of his fingers, he slowly traced lines over the cold plate. He roughly held back a sob ate seeing Lev's smiling picture. He smiled despite that, two weeks after that picture was taken, Lev let out his last few breaths resting between his arms.

"I miss you", he mumbled through clenched teeth, tears burning in his eyes.

Devastation furrowed his heart and he felt weak. His lips were trembling and his hands tightened their grip on his knees. Unable to hold back anymore he melted in tears and wailing, the wind and solitude the only witnesses of such heartbreaking threnody. His hands rose to cover his mouth, desperately trying to drown the sobs and weeping breaking his throat apart, and yet he seemed to not have even an ounce of control over himself. He leaned his wet face towards the tombstone, pressing his forehead against the plate. Trying, in some impossible way, to feel once again the heat of Lev's body against his skin. 

That day was four years since Lev had died.

Four years in which, every day before his death's anniversary, he dreamed with him the previous night. His subconscious created a world where Lev was happy and they met again. In his dreams, Lev didn't suffer, didn't aged, didn't grow old. He kept being that sixteen-year-old teen he had met back in the hospital. 

In his dreams, Lev had the life Yaku always hoped he had. By his side, the two of them together. And Yaku kept clinging to those dreams because it was the only thing he had left, the only moments where he could see him free and happy. Because he missed Lev more than anything in this world. And he refused to have what his last memories of him were a dying Lev.

Lev Haiba had died at age eighteen after a long and rough fight against his illness. 

And a piece of Yaku's soul had left with him. 

His heart shot down and never did it beat for someone else out of love. Because he had lost the love of his life and there was nothing he could've done to stop it. 

He missed all of Lev. And now he simply had nothing, only vague memories and dreams his mind conjured to stop erase his existence once and for all. It was the only survival tactic available and he clung to it in a desperate act. 

Because Yaku had no one else besides Lev. He was now alone in a pit of solitude the little by little ate up his life. 

Another sob left his throat, trapped under the hands aggressively covering his mouth. 

He tightly closes his eyes trying to fight back the tears. He tried to control himself once again, his body shaking in a little convulsion when a new sob made its way out. 

His blurry vision focused on the photo that gave him the creeps. 

He took both hands to his head, wearily pulling his hair back. He hated being so weak. Supporting his elbows over his knees and breathing deeply, staying like that as the cold wind helped him calm down. Inhaled. Exhaled. 

His head hurt, feeling a strong palpitation by the temples. He lowered a hand and opened the right-hand palm looking down. He carefully stared at the silver ring lonely wrapping his finger in its sad embrace as tears kept running down his face, His arm trembled and his hand was shaking, the ring shining in his finger. 

"When we get old and we live together-", a seventeen-year-old Lev Haiba smiled and pulled out the silver ring from a little red bag, "- I promise to be there for your graduation, we'll buy a house and we'll stuff it with flowers".

He carefully placed the ring on the finger belonging to a smiling and happy Yaku, who was staring up at Lev with bright eyes. His little treasure looked happy while intertwining a scrawny hand with his own. 

"I'm going to give everything for me so we can spend a long, long time together", Lev caressed a foreign cheek.

He got close to the short man and leaned his forehead against Yaku's, feeling his body heat. Their hearts beat in synchronization.

"It's a promise"

Both voices were heard in unison on every corner of the hospital, their pinkies intertwining and in that way closing an innocent, pure promise made out of love.

That day, Yaku slept hugging Lev and kissed his forehead with all the love he was capable of. Because he was happy with Lev by his side. 

A strong exhale and he put a hand on his jacket's pocket, his fingers grazing a soft and squishy surface. He pulled out the object, opening his fingers with a vague sense of dread. 

A bright little red bag with a white cord.

Yaku averted his eyes towards Lev's picture once again and smiled sadly. 

"I think I finally understand"

He quickly dried his tears, and for one last time looked at the ring before taking it out and placing it where it belonged. 

He remembered then that in his dreams, Lev never told him he loved him. He was just there, hugging him and giving support. He didn't speak, just smiled and laughed cheerfully. Because Lev was happy and wanted to transmit that feeling to Yaku, letting him know he did not suffer nor would he suffer ever again.

He took both hands to his chest, the little red bag between them, and treasured it for one last time. He left his memories there, treasured the good ones and finally let go of those that tormented him.

He finally understood. Lev was bidding his farewell. 

After a long long time, unfortunately, that dreaded moment had finally arrived. 

Lev only wanted for Yaku to know he would love him for all eternity. And Yaku finally understood. 

He stretched a hand and hide the little bag between the flowers. He let fall his arms beside his legs and forced himself to smile with happiness. Even if the corners of his lips heavied on his soul and the pain in his heart would not leave. 

"Thank you for making me so happy, Levy. I understand is now finally time to let you go", he laughed in between the sobs, feeling the wetness of his cheeks once again dripping over the cold stone, "I'm really happy I met you, I will always remember you and will treasure our time together. Rest in peace, love. Don't worry about me, I'm going to be fine and I will be happy, for me and for you. I hope that when my time comes you wait for me wherever our souls go. At that moment we'll shine again together, and I promise I won't let go"

He caressed the stone for one last time. The grey from the sky started to disappear, and for the first time in a long, long time, it cleared. 

"I love you today and for all eternity... Please, never forget that"

The wind ruffled his hair. His skin prickled and he felt Lev's presence close. By his side, Lev placed a hand over Yaku's shoulder. Yaku only felt a little tickle. 

He smiled at Lev's picture one last time and walked away from it. And once he was out of the cemetery, he didn't look back. 

At that moment it ended, the story and bond that united him with  Lev. He'd remember forever his beloved because he had lived the happiest moments of his life besides him. 

Haiba Lev would be for all eternity, the love of his life. 

And far, far away, Lev smiled. 

And

Yaku

smiled 

too.

This fic belongs to another person. You can read the original HERE