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Kim Rok Soo lived together with his two Hyungs. Not that he would ever admit to mentally calling them that. It would just make them smile those huge, shit eating grins which he love- he hated! Yes he hated when they did that. He nodded, mentally patting himself on the back.
“What are you nodding for Rok Soo?”
Came an excited query from the side of the couch he was sitting on.
“Nothing”
“Ahhh don't be like that” Choi Jung Soo, who had the exact grin he so much hated, plastered on his face, started attacking Kim Rok Soo with pokes and tickles.
“Stop it!”
“Awwww you two are having fun without me!”
A tired looking Lee Soo Hyuk, who was standing in the kitchen door frame, threw a washcloth at the two.
“Ehwwwwww”
“What was that for!!!”
“I was aiming for Jung Soo, he is avoiding cleaning duty.”
“BUT YOU HIT ME TOO!”
“Then that was for the future, when you are the one avoiding your duties.”
“Not fair, I never avoid my duties!”
This time Choi Jung Soo chimed in from the side again.
“Yes you do you always avoid when it's your turn for grocery shopping”
“What ?! I do not!”
“Yes you do, I noticed it as well.”
Being called out by both of his flatmates, Rok Soos' face flushed in embarrassment.
He grit his teeth.
“I just genuinely don't want to.”
“That's not an excuse.”
Jung Soo started poking him from the side again, making their reddish brown eyed friend curl up on his side of the couch. He hugged a pillow as a weak attempt to shield himself from the wiggly fingers. Until he had enough and started kicking out toward his attacker, who squealed in delight. A one sided onslaught wasn’t fun after all.
Lee Soo Hyuk meanwhile was just shaking his head.
“If you want me to cook today, my little dongsaeng, it's your turn to go out and get the ingredients.”
Rok Soo stiffened, allowing his pause for Jung Soo to gain the advantage in their battle.
“But I don't want to.”
“As Jung Soo said, not an excuse.”
“... fine… but I’m gonna complain the whole time.”
“You complain all the time anyway Rok Soo-ya.” came from a grinning Choi Jung Soo. that grin didn't last for long as the moist washcloth was hurled into his face again.
“ACK”
“If i go out you better do your part!”
“Fine fine.”
Rok Soo bit his lip. He really didn't want to go. But neither of the others saw the tiny change in his mimic before it was gone again.
Putting on his rain coat and backpack, Lee Soo Hyuk handed him the grocery list and patted him on the back.
“Come on, it won't be that bad.”
“Hmmh”
And like that Kim Rok Soo had left the house and was walking down the empty street.
Luckily it had already stopped raining, but the asphalt was still wet.
He didn't have to walk for long. The newly rebuilt district was still small and had all the necessary utility and grocery stores close by.
It really wasn't that bad, even the sun was coming out and Rock Soo played with the thought to sit down somewhere making his hyungs wait.
But the feeling of urgency kept him from slowing down. Instead his pace quickened.
Some other pedestrians walked by, greeting him. He didn't know them, so they were most likely non ability users, but they seemed nice.
It was nice that the area was safe enough for even the abilityless people to walk around the streets.
Just a year ago things had been different. Everyone had to constantly be on guard. Monsters were everywhere and something like ‘grocery shopping’ was one of the most dangerous tasks. Shopping didnt even exist. Sometimes people managed to gain a hoard of food and would trade it off with others for items. Some were nice, others exploiting.
Being outside alone on the hunt for food made Rok Soo be on edge, even if it was safe.
Yes it was safe, there was no need for him to be so worked up.
Yet he was.
When he reached the store, he thought he could breathe a little bit. There were lots of other people here to remind him that the times had changed.
But then a flashback hit him.
‘Hand pressed against his face in an attempt to suppress his quickened breathing. The abandoned store he had found to scavenge just a few cans, was broken down in many places. It had seemed safe enough to be off the streets. But then, while he was rummaging old shelves, a grade 3 monster rose up behind him. It had apparently used the empty aisles as a sleeping spot and the rummaging alerted it of the intruder.
Without an ability Rok Soo was helpless. And he kept cursing himself for it. If at least he had allies so that he wouldn't be alone. But in the year after his first central shelter had collapsed and the survivors were scattered…
He was alone.
That day he got lucky. The monster was distracted by some falling debris and he ran as fast as he could, not looking back.’
Back in the present Rok Soo opened his eyes, noticing that his hands were clenched around the handle of the shopping cart. Knuckles white.
Stupid.
That had happened 5 years ago. By now he had made it to the new shelter. He finally had an ability and worked under Lee Soo Hyuk in his company. He met Choi Jung Soo, who started as newby together with him and by now they lived together. Even outside of the shelter's life was picking up again.
They were safe, he was safe.
But he felt like throwing up.
Taking out his phone he dialed Lee Soo Hyuk's number without thinking.
“What is it Rok Soo?”
He bit his lip.
“...They don't have cheese…”
“Awww really? Too bad anything else?”
“No,” Rok Soo answered with a neutral voice and hung up again.
Stupid.
He was safe and there was nothing to fear.
So stupid.
He grit his teeth and pushed on, getting everything on the grocery list, even an off brand cheese. He could claim later that he did find it after some looking. It was a type Choi Jung Soo disliked which would be a good payback for his pesky fingers.
He was out of the store quickly enough and on his way back. It was still a short walk. So why did he have to constantly take deep breaths and keep himself from running. Why was it feeling like he was just barely scraping by a panic attack.
So stupid dammit, he wasnt that weak, everything was fine.
He made it back into the apartment, shuffling out of his shoes and threw his backpack at Choi Jung Soos head, who was still lazing around on the couch. ‘Bastard... he was supposed to clean.’
Then he headed straight for the bathroom.
“Hooo that was quick”
Came a muffled call from the outside.
“Did you miss us that much?”
“Rok Soo?”
Gritting his teeth he pressed out an “i’m fine”
That rang alarm bells. Their dongsaeng was never fine when he said that he was.
Worried, Lee Soo Hyuk opened the unlocked bathroom door to find Rok Soo leaning heavily on the sink, face scrunched together in a grimace.
“Rok Soo what's wrong?”
Moving in to pat the other on the back, Rok Soo flinched.
“No!... I’m fine.”
“You are not! What happened?!?”
“Nothing happened.”
Even Jung Soo was now standing in the door with a worried expression.
“Nothing happened, it was safe, everything was safe.”
A realization dawned in Lee Soo Hyuk's mind. He briefly exchanged glances with Jung Soo and then picked up Rok Soo like a potato sack.
Even more worried by the lack of fighting back and only stiffing up of the bundle, he hurried to the bedroom where he gently put him down. Jung Soo followed them and quickly moved to tuck his dongsaeng into a tight blanket burrito.
“Stop, that's not necessary!”
“Yes it is! Why didn't you tell us shopping would be so triggering for you?”
“I did tell you I genuinely didn't want to go.”
“But we thought that was just a joke!
You always complain about everything, we didn't know this time was different.”
Rok Soo bit his lips.
They were right, of course they were.
And he has known that his complaint wouldn’t be taken seriously.
He hadn’t wanted it to.
He hadn't wanted to go, but he also didn't want them to think less of him for being so weak.
“I… I didn't think it would be this bad.”
“What do you mean not this bad look at you.”
“We are so sorry, Rok Soo”
Rok Soo looked dumbfounded at his hyungs
“That's nothing to be sorry for, I’m the one who fucked up”
“No we did! We should have noticed.”
“Please just stop, I don't want you two to feel bad, so please, just ignore me. I only ‘nearly’ had a panic attack. I'm gonna be fine in a bit so please.”
“You are stupid… but so are all of us. Jung Soo make sure he stays in bed, I will prepare some comfort food.
“I’m not hungry!”
“You should be, you haven't eaten all day”
“What?!? Dongsaeng you haven't eaten yet! That's it!”
Lee Soo Hyuk hurried over to the kitchen to prepare something filling, while Jung Soo hugged the blanket burrito.
Kim Rok Soo closed his eyes. His breathing was already back to normal, he just had to wait it out.
He didn't want his hyungs to feel bad…
The hug from Choi Jung Soo did feel nice. So Rok Soo started leaning into it. Even though his stomach was still all cramped up.
He felt bad for Soo Hyuk who was preparing food just for him, when he really didn't feel up for eating.
But soon Lee Soo Hyuk reentered his room with a tray holding a big bowl of rice and corn soup.
Kim Rok Soo was surprised, it wasn't what he usually cooked.
“Figured when you haven't eaten all day you want something filling that's easy on your stomach.”
“Hmmm”
Rok Soo just hummed. He didn't want to repeat that he didn't feel like eating, when his hyung had prepared it just for him.
As he started setting 3 bowls on the bed though Rok Soo stiffened up.
“Wait, not on the bed!!!”
“Hmm? Why not?”
Lee Soo Hyuk had already finished dishing out and sat himself cross legged on the bed. Choi Jung Soo also moved to grab his bowl and spoon and started munching away without delay.
“This is my bed!” Rok Soo stared in horror.
“Hmhmm, it sure is.” came out from Soo Hyuk in between bites.”
It was an already lost battle, so Rok Soo knew better than to start it.
It did smell good.
Neither of the others pushed him to eat, just consuming their own food in silence.
Before long Lee Soo Hyuk left for the kitchen again to clean up. Not before pressing something into Rok Soo’s hand. It was a bar of chocolate from a specific brand. His eyes grew big. He knew these were really rare to come by these days. And he knew that it was specifically Soo Hyuk’s comfort food.
But before he could say anything, the other had already left the room and Choi Jung Soo had sprawled out on the bed.
He still hadn’t touched his own bowl of food. It did smell good, really good. He grabbed it and ate a spoon. It was really really good.
Then he took another.
Damn he really had been hungry.
By the time Lee Soo Hyuk came back the bowl was empty.
He just smiled at Rok Soo and moved onto the bed again. It was cramped, his bed wasn't meant for 3 people. But this wasn't the first time they shared it and his hyungs would always say it was a nice thing, because it made them cuddle more closely.
Usually Kim Rok Soo would protest out of spite, but today he was too tired. Exhaustion overcoming him, as the cramped feeling in his insides finally loosened up.
He let himself slump to his side in between his hyungs.
“Sorry that I made you two worry.”
Soo Hyuk just looked at him intently and he could feel the same stare at his back from Jung Soo.
“Never. Never apologize for that.”
With those words the two locked their arms around him.
“But what about your day? You had so much to do.”
“There is nothing better than an afternoon nap.”
Those were the last words they exchanged before drifting off into sleep.
When Rok Soo awoke he was still sandwiched between his Hyungs. His precious people. He felt thankful for having them. Thankful that those bad times when he was all alone in a broken world were over.