Chapter Text
“Hey, you wanna get going soon?”
We spent that evening the same way we’d spent so many others, sprawled out on blankets laid across the hood of Taemin’s car, our backs pressed against the windshield and our eyes focused on the sky. A plane had taken off just then, right when Taemin asked me that question, and I distracted myself by watching it disappear into the clouds.
“Did you hear me, Sperry?”
“Yeah,” I said, finally turning to look at him. He was sitting hunched over a bit, with his arms folded over his legs. It looked like he was gazing down the hill towards the airfield, but I couldn’t really tell - for some reason he was still wearing his sunglasses, even though it was growing darker by the minute.
“Do you really want to head back so early?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Not back. Out to the old highway. Roll the windows down, feel the wind in our hair, blast the radio. What do you think?”
If I was being honest, I thought I’d rather do something less exhilarating. But I didn’t bother to be honest with him right then. I’d figured out a long time ago that once he got an idea like that stuck in his mind, it would be way too hard to shake it free. He’d just fill up with this energy, where he’d be so restless I thought we’d both go crazy if he didn’t get it all out. So all I said was, “I’d like to stay here for a few more minutes,” and pointed down to the runway. “Look, there’s another plane coming out to taxi. Let’s go when it’s dark and we won’t really be able to see them anymore.”
“Alright. Seems like you’ve got your mind set on it,” he replied in that teasing tone he liked to use on me. But I saw him smile, like he wanted to make sure I knew he really was just teasing. Then I felt him settle back down at my side, his leg jittering against the metal of the hood.
We sat there for a while longer, not saying much. I watched the plane slowly make its way to the runway, then pick up speed down the straightaway. At some point I realized Taemin’s leg had stopped moving, and I remember glancing at him and wondering if us not talking for a few minutes had sent him to sleep. But before long the plane roared overhead, taking my thoughts away from him. I watched it fly over our hill and continue on until it finally disappeared into the dark sky to the east.
The light was almost gone by then. When I turned back I saw Taemin had finally removed his sunglasses. His eyes weren’t on the sky, though, but on me. Had he been watching me the entire time I watched the plane? I don’t think I breathed during that moment, with him looking at me like that. There was something in his eyes that held me to the spot.
The whole thing could’ve lasted a second or a minute, I really had no idea. “Ready to go?” he finally asked, all casual-like, as if nothing had even happened. I tried my best to regain my composure as he gathered up his blanket and got into the driver’s seat, motioning from behind the windshield for me to come join him.
You’re in over your head, Esperanza, I remember thinking. One look and you turn right to stone.
We ended up taking that car ride Taemin wanted. It was so late that there was hardly anyone else on the road. As soon as things became isolated enough, he turned the radio up so loud that our seats shook and we flew down the streets so fast I could hardly catch my breath.
He was in his element, of course. Windows rolled down, wind in our hair, radio blasting, just like he wanted. There was that familiar light in his eyes when I looked at him. A one-time killer can’t get enough. He would go, and keep going, until both of us crashed and burned in the flames he loved to fuel.
“Taemin!” I yelled at one point, once he’d sped through the second or third red light of the drive. “Can’t you please just slow down? You’re running reds like green!”
He smiled, but he didn’t take his eyes off the road. A few seconds passed where I started to wonder if he’d even reply. Then he let out a bit of a laugh, and with it came that teasing tone in his voice again. “Worried you won’t be able to keep up?” he asked.
I looked away when I heard him say that and stared out past the window instead. We were going so fast I could hardly make anything out. It was all just a blur of lights in the darkness. This time, I didn’t bother to raise my voice, and I doubt he heard me over the radio and the wind as I said:
“I don’t know, Tae. I keep running, but forever you’re miles ahead.”