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Roxy & Dirk Mod A Console

Summary:

Roxy's room whirred quietly with two large box fans situated in just the right way to make a slightly obnoxious vortex of cold air centered right around the center of the room, orbiting it like the elliptical dance of two binary stars. Dirk, with a Nintendo 64 at the ready, sat dead center in the eye of the hurricane, unmoved by the maelstrom - not the least of which being that his hair gel meant that his hair would not move even if he wanted it to, unlike Roxy's tangled mess of wavy curls, which fluttered about her face like butterfly wings. She sat quietly on her particularly messy bed, watching as Dirk attacked her beloved hardware with a screwdriver and all the viciousness of a pack of ravenous seagulls picking apart a hamburger.

112/365

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Roxy's room whirred quietly with two large box fans situated in just the right way to make a slightly obnoxious vortex of cold air centered right around the center of the room, orbiting it like the elliptical dance of two binary stars. Dirk, with a Nintendo 64 at the ready, sat dead center in the eye of the hurricane, unmoved by the maelstrom - not the least of which being that his hair gel meant that his hair would not move even if he wanted it to, unlike Roxy's tangled mess of wavy curls, which fluttered about her face like butterfly wings. She sat quietly on her particularly messy bed, watching as Dirk attacked her beloved hardware with a screwdriver and all the viciousness of a pack of ravenous seagulls picking apart a hamburger.

"C'mon, Dirk! You said you'd be able to show me something in five minutes an hour ago!" Roxy whined, pouting, rolling onto her back and placing her hands on her cheeks dramatically like she was leaning into them belly-down. Then, she rolled onto her belly and pulled her arms out from underneath her, slamming herself nose-first into her firm spring mattress and pressing until there was a nose-shaped indent when she retracted her neck. Her laptop quietly blared out hyperpop glitz hits in stereo sound through the attached headphone jack speakers, filling the chaotic whirlpool of wind with eager noise of such thickness that it was perfectly willing to reach out and throttle Dirk.

"Patience, young grasshopper. I--" Dirk began, only to be rudely interrupted.

"Don't you young grasshopper me, you weeb! Also, that's kind of racist!" Roxy yelped, pitching a bottlecap at Dirk with enough force that it bounced off his head, shot vertically into the air, and then bumped into the ceiling just barely before coming down and landing on top of one of his hair gel spikes, framing it like a crown. "C'mon, I thought stupid old movie references were a Jake thing!"

"Are they?" Dirk asked, before realizing that the bottle cap should've hurt a little, and piping out a little squeaky "Ow".

"Maybe you've just been hanging around him too much and he's rubbing off on you." Roxy suggested, pitching another plastic bottlecap at Dirk, underhanded, letting it settle down on top of another one of his hair spikes. He shook his head left, and then right, and then left again, before rather suddenly jerking it clockwise until it popped, flinging the bottlecaps onto the floor.

"You phrase that like it's a bad thing." Dirk replied, pulling down his pointy anime shades for a scant moment so Roxy could get the intimidating Strider Glower (legally distinct from the Strider Stare, which was more of a mutual bro-ness eye contact respect among warriors sort of thing).

Roxy giggled quietly, pulling a pillow underneath her chin to prop it up along with her shoulders. "Nah, I just think you could do better than tired ol' kung fu movies, that's all. You know that boy'll watch anything."

"That he will." Dirk replied, snapping his head back to the Nintendo 64, smirking as his neck popped all the way in the other direction. Roxy, who was thoroughly used to Dirk's shenanigans by now, was completely nonplussed by this movement. Dirk screwed a final screw back into place, tapped the sleek, smooth, boxy black console a bit to make sure it could withstand the force he was about to apply, and then gave it one last once-over with canned air, just to get any little fuzzies or remnants of dust out. "Anyway, dig this."

"Currently in the process of digging..." Roxy replied, mechanical monotone like a robot, clearly mocking. Dirk flipped the power switch, displaying the familiar figure of Donkey Kong onto the screen in glorious CRT pixels, and then gave the Nintendo 64 a good hard whack on the side with his fist with a loud kiai. Almost immediately, Donkey Kong's polygons simultaneously stretched, distorted, and inverted, turning him into what was very clearly a gigantic ass with a distinctive red tie hanging out the middle. From then on, the DK Rap, horrendously distorted, played nothing but loud, screeching fart noises. Roxy was beside herself, doubled over in screaming, roaring laughter while Dirk smugly watched the fruits of his labors.

"Okay, now dig this." Dirk said, giving it another hard whack. Donkey Kong immediately turned into a twelve-polygon cock and balls.

Notes:

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