Work Text:
The first time Marinette fell in love, it came like a bolt of lightning – strong and quick and shook her to her core.
It was not like Marinette never had previous objects of affection before. She had crushes before – entertained romantic thoughts about her classmates, about the people she met on the streets, about the people she knew she will never meet again.
Contrary to what everyone else seemed to think, Marinette wasn’t completely unfamiliar with the concept of affection.
And yet, even though she would have been – should have been – prepared by her previous whimsies of affection, with Adrien, it was different.
The moment Marinette fell for Adrien, as he handed her his umbrella – it was like a switch turned on.
Things that she never did before, things that she never wanted to do before – falling in love with Adrien, Marinette was almost driven crazy.
Her love was a rollercoaster that had more downs than ups.
She acted differently with him, acted differently when he was in the story.
She tried to live off the feelings of affection, of her infatuation, and believed that it would fuel her until she eventually gets a requited love.
.
.
.
As Marinette looks at the heavy rain, Adrien comes to her with a “hey.”
She wants to ignore him – she ignores him – but Adrien pays no mind and starts, “I’m just trying to let you know, but I was only trying to get the chewing gum off your seat.”
“I’ve never been to a school before, I’ve never had friends,” his words catch her attention and as Marinette meets his gaze, she knows that everything she thought about him before was never true.
Adrien was not the arrogant, rich boy that wanted to make her life miserable like Chloe. Instead, he was a sheltered kid with a sheltered upbringing – and yet, he was also kind to the core.
“It’s all sorts of lonely,” Adrien confesses, and he hands out his umbrella to her.
At that moment, Marinette’s heart races before she can calm it down.
Here she was, about to ignore him, had been angry with him – and yet, Adrien chooses to face her, to tell his side, to help her.
Marinette slowly accepts the umbrella handed out to her – and even though Marinette was the one receiving a material object, at the moment, Marinette feels like she was the one handing things over.
Because as she accepts the umbrella, Marinette hands her heart over before she even becomes conscious of it.
.
.
.
But even though for the longest time, Marinette believed that she will always be in love with Adrien, that she will not fall from the sky highs of her infatuation, eventually, she did.
Falling out of love with Adrien, completely unlike how she fell in love with him was a measured and steady process.
It started with the small things – how Adrien never sees her as anything but a friend on good days, and how she was never able to properly talk to him.
And then, things began to pile up.
Adrien began to have romantic interests for Kagami, Marinette became more reckless in the pursuit of his affection and attention.
Marinette tried to ignore the warnings when they came – tried not to think about how her infatuation with Adrien was beginning to have dire consequences, not just for her, but for the people around her.
But she can only try to fool herself for so long.
When Marinette almost loses in a fight – almost loses everything that she stood up for and everything that had been entrusted to her – yet another time because of her reckless love, Marinette finally gave up.
When she made the decision, she cried overnight, with Tikki trying her best to tell her that she did the right thing.
And she knew that she did.
And yet, she cried for an entire night up until the early cracks of dawn – she cried for her unrequited love, for the feelings that being in love had given her, for the damages and the repercussions.
She faced everything that was wrong in her situation – acknowledged them again and again, so that she will finally wake up from the dream that she had been for such a long time.
That night, Tikki made sure to guard her from any butterflies, so she let it all out.
She fell from the sky high and was brought to the ground – and even as it was a feeling that she had always known was coming, it still broke her heart to pieces.
And yet, when she walked up to Adrien the next day – remnants of her heartache still hurting her – she did so with a smile and an unnaturally mundane conversation.
And she only hoped that in time, her heart would heal again.
.
.
.
The second time Marinette fell in love, it was slower, more careful.
This time, it was with Chat Noir – kind and protective and understanding.
The walls that she kept up and continued to keep up falls when she was with him.
Fresh out of a relationship with Luka and with the numerous duties that she had as a guardian and as Ladybug, Marinette wasn’t sure if she would ever fall in love again – if she could ever fall in love again.
In the back of her head, she knew that chasing for it might be fruitless.
As long as she was Ladybug – as long as she had a city to protect and people to save – she was tied down to her responsibilities and secrets.
Any romantic relationship was doomed to fail because if she was asked to choose, she knew that she would always choose her duties.
Because it was something entrusted to her. Because it was something that will always be expected of her to choose.
And yet, there came a time when Marinette finally shared the burden with her partner.
While she still didn’t think that it was the right time for Chat to reveal himself, she chose to reveal herself, once when she was almost overwhelmed by schoolwork and guardianship and superhero responsibilities.
Because she wasn’t only Ladybug, but she was also the guardian. She tried to keep everything to herself, tried to carry every burden – but she was only human, and it was inevitable that she’ll finally give in and ask for her partner’s help.
.
.
.
“Marinette,” without warning, Chat Noir visits her room one night.
It wasn’t a rare occurrence for him to visit, but most of the time – all of the time – he knocks and waits, and never enters without her permission.
Tired from finishing a commission and from trying to decipher yet another part of the scanned documents that she holds, she slowly, groggily turns towards Chat’s direction.
She is about to greet him back, but before she can, Chat speaks out – lips curved downwards and eyes looking like a tumultuous storm – as he asks, “Do you even take a break?”
Like the world agrees with him, the former quiet rain shower begins to rage as a storm.
Marinette avoids his gaze as she nods, “I do.”
It was a lie and both of them knew it.
“She doesn’t,” Tikki speaks up – the little god floating from her little cushion. Marinette wants to glare at her – she knows Marinette doesn’t want to worry Chat – but then she feels Chat’s gaze on her, concerned and annoyed and focused, so she simply keeps her head down.
“Mari,” after a pause, his formerly stern voice softens, and Marinette hears his approaching steps – sees his body move toward her. When he reaches her, he places a hand on her cheek, tilts her face up slightly so she meets his concerned gaze.
“I know I’m not going to always be helpful,” he starts – and Marinette feels guilty for how worried and perplexed he looks at the moment, “but I will always be by your side to help you.”
Marinette nods her head, “I know.”
She knows – she has known for a long time. And yet, knowing is different from doing, a concept Marinette has always been strongly familiar with.
“It will always be us against the world,” he adds – and his eyes fill with affection as he speaks, making Marinette’s heart race even without her permission.
“You’re the most important person to me,” Chat speaks in a very, very gentle voice, “so please believe that I will do anything to help you. That’s why – don’t take everything on your own. I’m here.”
As the hand on her cheeks travel downwards to her arms and then to her palm, as he entwines their fingers, he repeats, “I’m here, Mari.”
And Marinette knows that, too. She painfully knows it – her heart racing at his every tender word, at his continuous support.
Marinette, since revealing herself to Chat and becoming close to him, continuously denies and continues to deny her feelings with him.
And yet, with the backdrop of the thunderstorm, with the warmth of Chat’s words, with Chat’s tender gaze, with the courage to finally face her feelings –
Marinette falls in love again, as the rain falls down, and this time, she is in love with Chat Noir.
.
.
.
Loving Chat Noir eventually became second nature to Marinette. His steadfast presence, his unyielding belief in her – when Marinette felt like falling, Chat Noir was always there, ready to catch her.
Marinette loved the feeling of affection, of fondness that she has for Chat.
Where she was nervous with Adrien and reserved with Luka, with Chat, it was natural for her to love him.
Even as she knew that they would only be friends – with the reminders that Chat had said that he had already moved on and the past – and even as she did not attempt a romantic relationship, Marinette was on cloud nine just to accept and acknowledge her feelings.
Because she loved him, even if he might not have felt the same about her.
Because she loved him, even if she never pursued anything because she is still bound to her duties.
But even though she wanted to try and even though she reveled in her feelings – wanted to risk a future with him, wanted to try to properly love again, it seemed like things were never on her card.
The third time Marinette returned from a future destroyed by Chat Blanc, distraught and alone – by their love, again and again, and again once more – Marinette lets go.
She kept her feelings back to where they were hidden and vowed never to entertain them again.
.
.
.
The third time Marinette fell in love, it felt like a tsunami threatening to flood an entire island – strong, persistent, and impossible to escape even as her mind blared continuous warnings.
Adrien was Chat Noir and Chat Noir was Adrien.
And Marinette, like clockwork, fell in love with him again.
It was like Marinette was only destined to truly be in love with a single person – first it was Adrien, and then it was Chat, and, even though she tried her hardest not to, Marinette came to fall in love with the person that was both Chat and Adrien.
Adrien made her feel nervous, Chat made her feel comfortable.
Chat had professed his undying love for her, once upon a time, Adrien had always considered her to be one of his closest friends.
Even when Marinette finally learnt of Chat Noir’s identity – even when she learned that Adrien had also hidden behind a mask – it was not like Marinette immediately fell for him.
At least, she knew that she had tried her hardest not to.
After all, her first love with Adrien was catastrophic – brought out an innate recklessness to her that she could not afford as a person, as a guardian, as Ladybug.
Her second love with Chat Noir was disastrous – haunted her even with its thoughts because it greatly reminds her of the white and the blue, of the ashes and the destroyed moon.
She had fallen with both Adrien and Chat Noir – and both times, Marinette simply ended up with a broken heart and with her walls brought higher.
And yet, even as Marinette tried her best – tried to ignore the feelings, tried to calm her heart, tried to rationalize, tried to remember why exactly it was never and will never be a good idea –
Marinette still fell for him.
Because Adrien had the best parts of Chat Noir, and Chat Noir had the best parts of Adrien.
And even though she knew that it was a road to yet another heartbreak – to perhaps an even worse heartbreak – Marinette finally faced her feelings once she stopped running.
And despite her pessimistic thoughts, she had hoped against hopes, that this time, things will work out.
.
.
.
With the sounds of pouring rain and thunderstorms, Adrien confesses to her when he thought that she was half-asleep.
“I love you,” he whispers so softly that Marinette almost fails to catch it.
And yet, she does. She shuts her eyes closed tighter and tries to even her breathing – tries to pretend that she was asleep.
Because she knows that Adrien didn’t want her to hear it – because she knows that as much as she wanted to hear it, she isn’t ready to hear it.
Because Marinette, since the moment she felt both the warmth of Chat Noir and Adrien – of his undisguised affection, of his unwavering trust, of his genuine kindness – Marinette tried her hardest to pretend that her heart doesn’t race at the thought of him, that he doesn’t enter her thoughts every minute.
Because even with their masks off and their cards on the table, there is still a whole mess of complications to untangle and face.
She already knows from experience how it ends with him – how her feelings for him ended not just once, but twice.
She doesn’t want another encore – doesn’t want to risk yet another heartbreak.
And yet, her heart pounds almost traitorously as she hears Adrien confess, “I think I never fell out of love with you. Even when I tried, you were always in my heart.”
Adrien’s voice is so soft – almost too soft – and so vulnerable.
“I’m probably just gearing myself for another heartbreak,” his voice is so self-deprecating that Marinette almost wants to turn around to tell him otherwise, “but I can’t help it, Marinette.”
“I’m in love with you,” he repeats it like a prayer – brings every wall Marinette ever had down without even knowing – “No matter what, I think that will just be how it is.”
When he pauses at that and as Marinette feels him turn around on the bed, Marinette vows that just like him, she’ll face her feelings.
It was a road to another heartache – the warnings were there even if both of them had finally fallen for each other at the right time and with the right person.
And yet, at this moment, Marinette finally decides to face her feelings again.
.
.
.
Unlike how it had been when Marinette first fell for Adrien, and then for Chat, the third time she did fall for him, she finally gets a hopeful ending.
It was not a happy ending, despite the two of them – and the other heroes they recruited – gaining victory over Hawkmoth and finally finishing their battle once and for all.
It was not a happy ending, even as the night before their big fight, both Marinette and Adrien finally confessed their love for each other – with direct words that leave no doubt behind.
It was not a happy ending, even though Marinette finally felt like her life was finally falling into the right places – like the time that had stopped when she had taken the mantle of Ladybug had finally resumed.
It was not a happy ending, and yet, it was a hopeful one.
Because despite the two of them agreeing not to become lovers immediately, they both knew that their hearts were for only each other’s – had only ever been for each other’s.
Marinette and Adrien knew that their life was going to drastically change – that maybe, at some point in time, their relationship will change once again – but they promised.
One mundane night, when both tried to rest from the frenzy that Hawkmoth’s defeat brought, they promised to each other.
“It might not be the right time for us,” Adrien opened that night, looking at her with nothing but love and longing in his eyes, “but if you can wait for me, Marinette – princess, my lady – I hope that we can try someday.”
“I’ve waited for a long time,” Marinette confessed, eyes already tearing up, “I think that I can wait for some more time.”
And Adrien took her hand, placed a kiss on it. His movements were gentle, tender, and his gaze as he looked up to meet her eyes were the same.
“I love you,” Adrien told her.
Marinette, placing her hearts and hopes and dreams and failed love and heartaches – placing everything on the line, echoed, “I love you too.”