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The room was filled with the sound of bullets flying in every direction, mostly coming from bounty hunters and assassins working for the infamous Power Broker, who apparently was trying really hard to get Sam and Bucky killed, without showing their true identity, which made things really difficult for the new Captain America; who in that moment was hiding behind a metal table, alongside his partner. Bucky seemed frustrated, from what Sam could see, trying to land as accurate shots as he possibly could.
The sargeant crouched again to reload his gun, but with only a glimpse, his eyes seemed to catch the injury on the side of Sam's hip. The captain let out a frustrated huff, knowing that Bucky would worry more than necessary. Although, this one is getting annoying and starting to hurt. I don't even know how they managed to stab through the suit. But I ain't telling Bucky that' Sam thought. Bucky narrowed his eyes, staring directly at the wound, and Sam saw how the panic started to increase in his eyes, a flash of fear he rarely saw in the man.
"We have to get you out of here, now." Bucky hissed. "You're bleeding, we don't have a medkit here, and comms are out. We need to go back with Torres."
Sam tried to cover his wound with his left hand, holding the shield with his right. "I dunno if you noticed Buck, but there's like at least 8 guys with us" he said, clenching his teeth at the pain on his side. "All armed, with bullet proof vests, and a lot of ammo. I just checked with Redwing like a minute ago, you saw it. And you're runnin' out of ammo. Unless you got a plan, we gotta wait for Torres."
"We don't have time for that, you're gonna bleed out. Torres is at least 3 miles away." Bucky whispered, getting closer to his partner.
Bullets started to fly closer to their position, and Sam could hear the bounty hunters and mercenaries get closer to them, guns in hand. Bucky looked down, and muttered a quiet fuck under his breath, but Sam heard it anyway, and he knew that didn't mean anything good. He was about to ask what was going inside his partner's head, but the pain started to get worse, his vision becoming blurry and his muscles weaker. He let out a small whine at the feeling, trying to get through the pain.
Then, he felt a hand over his own, and he looked at his friend. Bucky seemed desperate, nervous. Afraid. It was a frightening sight, considering he was the most dangerous man in the world. But then, Bucky closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry." He whispered.
When his eyes opened, Sam couldn't see the fear, the desperation, not even the worry or the fondness that Bucky always carried when looking at him; his eyes were cold, blank, empty. Sam's heart skipped a beat, knowing that stare. It was not his Bucky, it was something else. Something that he thought wasn't there anymore. The soldier stood up, snatching the vibranium shield from his hand in a swift movement, and started to move forward, towards the bounty hunters, deflecting the bullets with the shield, and taking down the men one by one with his metal arm, breaking their guns, or using them against them, in precise, quick punches and kicks, while dodging every punch that the men threw at him.
Sam looked, his vision still blurry, but he could still tell that Bucky was not in control of this. Bucky's movements were quick, but they weren't as fluid and strong. He always has a moment of hesitation, like he remembers he's not supposed to kill anyone. Or sometimes, he has to think of a strategy, like any normal human being.' he thinks, remembering all his fight alongside him, and their training sessions. 'But the Winter Soldier doesn't hesitate, he does everything by muscle memory, he doesn't have to think about it. It's like a second nature. Like killing is necessary for him.' A slight shudder runs through Sam's spine at the thought, while he watches the soldier take out the last guy standing, by grabbing him by the neck and throwing him against the furthest wall.
Then, he turns in his heels, looking directly at Sam's eyes, the cold steel look never leaving his face. He walks up to him, slides his arms under the Captain's body, and lifts him up effortlessly, then he holds the shield right on the side of his hip in a way that covers his wound, and starts walking towards the nearest exit, in complete silence. Sam tries to say something, to get Bucky back, but the only thing that comes out of his mouth is a pained grunt. The soldier doesn't seem to react, and quickly gets out of the building, while scanning the area with a quick glance. Sam stares at him, part of him completely terrified, but the other part is sad for him, seeing this side of his friend -if he even could call him that, since his feelings for him were far from platonic, but never acted on- and the pain and the self hatred that this was going to cause in Bucky, just to save him.
With a superhuman effort, Sam whispers. "Bucky." His sides hurt, and his throat burns, but he tries again nonetheless. "Bucky, please. Come back."
"защищать." the soldier answered, voice monotone.
Sam tried to decipher what Bucky had said, but he couldn't figure it out. He knew Bucky's trigger words, he knew soldier, and attack. He had heard Zemo and he had easily figured out the meaning. But, this was completely new to him. Suddenly, a noise coming out of his wrist pulled him out of his thoughts, showing Torre's picture on the small screen. Apparently, comms were functional now that they were out of the building and getting further and further away. He moved his hand, sending Torres his location, without answering. Every muscle in his body ached, and his eyelids felt heavy. He would be cold too, since it was snowing, but the heat emanating from the soldier carrying him was enough to keep him warm. He let himself close his eyes, even if his worry had his heart pounding against his chest.
He felt some minutes pass, until the plane came down, and Bucky, no, the Soldier, carried him inside in a few quick strides, and the vehicle took off again. His partner gently placed him on the seats, putting a small backpack under his head, and grabbing a medkit from the wall. He could hear the noises the soldier made while he cleaned his wound, and wrapped a bandage around it. 'Probably stitched it too' he thought, but he couldn't tell in this state. He was about to fall asleep, finally getting some rest, but he felt the steps coming from the cabin, getting closer, and Torres's voice growing louder. He saw the soldier's eyes leave his body for the first time in the plane, and saw him reaching for his knife, getting up and putting his body in front of Sam, shielding him, but also in an attack position. Sam's heart clenched, panic and adrenaline filling his brain, when he was hit with the realisation that Bucky was going to kill Torres when he saw him. Because this wasn't Bucky. This was the soldier. He gasped and tried to reach with his right arm.
"Bucky. Please. Don't. P-please." He whispered, knowing Bucky could hear him. "You're safe. I'm safe. Buck, please." his voice cracked at the last second.
The knife fell, hitting the ground with a loud noise. His posture changed, and Torres finally came to view.
"Sam! Jesus, how are you? Comms weren't working, but I saw you were out of the building. How did you get out?" Torres asked, voice rushed and breathing erratic.
Bucky's hands were trembling. Sam saw a tear hit the floor, and Bucky's knees dropped to the floor.
"Bucky! Man, what's the problem? You hurt?" Torres asked again, clearly panicked, crouching at his side. He turned his head to Sam, to his already patched up wound and his eyes went wide. "Sam? What happened? Can you talk?"
"Bucky…" Sam whispered, voice rough, and tears threatening to come out.
A deep silence filled the room, panicked looks directed at the man kneeling on the floor, metal arm grabbing the seat and bending it.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I killed them all. I think I killed all of them. I don't know, it was all so quick, and you were…" a sob cut through Bucky's words. "I knew he was still there." he finally whispered.
"You didn't." Sam answered, but he wasn't really sure. His vision was not really reliable in that state. "Shit. Buck, we need to talk."
He looked at Torres, hoping he would pick up the sign and leave. With a worried stare at the two men, he returned to the cabin. Sam's voice was returning, and his vision was getting a bit better. Now he could see the expression in Bucky's glassy eyes, sad, angry, in pain. But a part of him was glad he wasn't met with the cold death stare of the soldier.
"Buck" He insisted. "How-how did you do that? How did the soldier come back, without… the words?"
Bucky swallowed.
"How are you?" He asked, his voice almost a whisper.
"I'm fine Buck, really. Because of yo-." Sam cut himself before he could finish. "Because of what happened there. But you need to tell me what happened. Please."
"I made him come back. I dunno, the soldier is always there, buried, I told you." He answered. "The only difference is that now I control when it comes out, I guess." Another tear fell down his cheek. "I, I really didn't want to do that Sam, believe me."
Sam breathed deeply. "I know Bucky, and I believe you, but I need to know why."
"Because you were in danger, you were bleeding, for fuck's sake, and you were gonna die. I have seen injuries like that, if- if we waited for Torres, or someone else hurt you again…" his breath hitched. "I don't want to go to Sarah's house with your body in my arms, Sam." Now more tears were coming out. "I'd rather let the Soldier do whatever before doing that."
Sam felt a tear of his own streaming down his face at the thought of Bucky telling news like that to Sarah and his nephews. He took a deep breath, trying to keep it together. He knew what that kind of grief felt like, he had to mourn his friend Riley years ago and he would not wish that void upon anyone. Definitely not Bucky, who had enough grief for ten lifetimes. But he could not have people getting killed just for his safety. That's now how it worked. That's not how being Captain America worked. And Bucky knew that, and he probably understood it as well. That's why he needed to know why. Why the person he loved was crawling back to his personal hell just for his safety.
"Buck… I know how you feel. But I can't get people killed just because I'm in danger." he said, slowly. "If someday something happens to me, you can't do that. Remember what- what Walker did after Lemar died, you're not like that, you're not-"
"I would've done the same." Bucky interrupted, dryly. Sam felt his heart sink to the floor. "I don't know about Lemar, but it wouldn't be fair if it was you. You have a sister, nephews, friends, people who look up to you. You are a hero." He paused. "The only reason I stopped Walker that day was because he was carrying that shield. And you can't have revenge with that shield. That's the reason why Steve didn't- didn't give it to me. Because I'm like Walker. I would've done the same thing if it was you... But I wouldn't have failed like Walker did."
Sam wanted to believe it was a lie, but he knew it wasn't. But he was not angry at Bucky either. He couldn't. He just wanted to kiss him and tell him he was not going anywhere, and that the winter soldier was not necessary because he would always be there. But he wasn't sure of that either, because at the end of the day he was only a man, flesh and bone. He was reminded of that with the pain piercing his side. And, he also knew Bucky was right. If he had done the same thing that Walker did, Karli wouldn't have escaped. Because the soldier was programmed to kill, to hunt. All the flag smashers would've died that day, because he was efficient. But Bucky was not that, his bucky was merciful, and careful with his punches, he just wanted to help. He just followed Sam's lead wherever it took him. Bucky was not the Soldier.
"I know. I get it. Losing a friend hurts like hell." Sam answered, thinking of his former partner.
"No, you don't." Bucky answers simply. "Riley was your friend, you felt guilty for it, but you moved on. I can't do that. I'm not strong like you." He mutters. "And it's different." He whispers, almost like a breath.
"How is it different?!" Sam exclaimed. "It hurt like hell, having to move on, and then I had to do it again when Rhodey fell and I thought he died, or that he hated me, and then once again, when Steve left. It's like everybody falls, and it doesn't matter if I can fly or not, I can't never catch them, I can never save them." He felt his face heat up, contrasting with the cold tears streaming down his cheeks.
"I know. I lost everybody. Steve, my sister, my parents, my friends. I'm sorry." He answered. "But it's still different." Bucky whispered.
Sam sat up, locking his eyes with Bucky's, trying to understand.
"How?" Sam asked, voice so low, nobody without enhanced hearing could've heard it.
Bucky sat beside him, taking Sam's hand, his eyes never leaving his partner's.
"Because I love you." he answered, whispering.
The words resonated in the entire room, echoing in Sam's mind, repeating over and over again. And he still couldn't believe them, the fact that his feelings were reciprocated. All those missions where he had been saved by the man, always with a «you're welcome» , all those fun movie nights in their shared apartment, and all those peaceful moments in the morning when the sun shined on both of them, filling them with content, were love. Actual, mutual love. He thought it was too fast, too sudden and it would've overwhelmed Bucky, but he had been wrong. They both could feel it. The feeling that made them feel at home even at the other side of the world, as long as they were by each other's side. And also, that crumbling fear everytime a bullet came extra close, or an explosion was larger than normal, or a knife managed to come through, like today. He understood. It was different.
He stared at his partner again, who looked impatient, nervous, waiting for an answer. Sam simply pulled closer and joined their lips, in the most delicate manner he could, touching Bucky's cheek very softly with his hand, holding his jaw without any pressure, while feeling Bucky's flesh hand holding his wrist and returning the kiss with the same care and delicacy, as if the moment was made of glass and none of them wanted to break it.
Finally, Sam pulled back. "I love you too." He whispered, resting his forehead against Bucky's. "You're not gonna lose me, I promise. We will always be a team, okay?"
Buck let out a light chuckle.
"Are you the same guy who told me we were just a couple of guys?" He asked, softly but with a subtle smile. Sam rolled his eyes, but was glad the moment got a little less heavy. "But I know Sam. I will always have your back. I- I will try not to bring the Soldier again, I promise. I'll do my best."
Sam sighed, but it was not of impatience or frustration like it would've been 3 months ago, it was content.
"That's more than enough, Buck." he answered, before smashing their lips together again, with a little more intensity.
After pulling back, still smiling, they went to sleep.They rested together, hands entangled and Sam's head resting on Bucky's shoulder, in a comfortable silence and calmed breaths.
"Hey." He whispered, after a while. Bucky hummed in answer. "What… What did the soldier tell me? You know, when he was carrying me?"
A second passed, Bucky was squinting his eyes. "защищать. It means protect. I had rescue missions with Hydra, you know, pulling out hostages. That was the command. To protect whoever they told me to." He paused. "I guess that was my last thought before letting the soldier out, so maybe he assumed he was on a mission like that."
"Or maybe it was just a part of you." Sam answered, running his fingers through Bucky's hair. "You know, you say that a part of the Soldier lives in you, then a part of you lives in the soldier. He knew he had to keep me safe because you wanted to."
"Or maybe the soldier fell in love with you as well." Bucky said, a small laugh escaping his lips.
"Yeah, well, what can I say? I'm pretty irresistible." He answered with a wink, before leaving a small kiss on Bucky's cheek.
It wasn't perfect. They had things to work through, his side still hurt, and he wished they could've this moment in Paris or on a date in the boat in Louisiana like his parents used to have, but it was theirs. It was real. It was reckless and beautiful at the same time, like all the things they did. It was unique. And Sam decided that with such a crazy and unique life, it was only fair he fell in love with such a unique -and sometimes crazy- and beautiful man. At least, he knew they could make each other happy, and they would always protect each other from whatever the world threw at them.