Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

You stared at him, in utter disbelief. In return, that same expressionless helmet looked back at you and for once, you felt a surge of hatred looking upon that goddamned piece of beskar.

“You violated The Way,” he said. That was the only thing he spoke in response to your tear-filled confession. Your confession that you had lifted his helmet.

Two days ago, you found the Mandalorian unmoving in the middle of the ship. It was highly unusual for a man like himself to simply collapse randomly on some part of the Razor. So, you frantically called out his name, to receive no response.

That’s truly when you started to panic, and began looking for any signs of injuries.

And it was when your eyes trailed up to his helmet.

That fucking helmet.

Beside it was a small pool of blood, steadily growing in size. You did what any other sane person would do- you flung off his helmet (didn’t even admire the handsome man behind it), and rushed to get medical supplies.

There was a large gash at the back of his head and you seriously had no idea how the man got it.

You didn’t dwell on it for too long, and immediately sprung into action. Patching up his wounds, you successfully saved his life. Well, that’s what you thought.

“You should have left me.” The Mandalorian’s icy comment cuts your train of thought, making you clench your jaw.

“If I didn’t tend to you, who knows what may have happened!” You yelled at him, pleading at him to understand. To understand that you couldn’t even think of losing him.

That you loved him too much.

Still, nothing from the stoic man who simply stared at you to give any indication that he understood why you did it. Instead, he was making you feel like an idiot for helping him.

But what he did next, utterly shocked you.

He swiftly turned around and sat back in his pilot seat. Turned on some buttons, pulling a lever, and began to lift off.

“Where are we going?” Your question came out dry, your voice cracking at the end. You could not believe he was ignoring you like this.

“Choose the planet you would like to go to. I will drop you off.”

At first, you laughed. Laughed so long, that even the Mandolorian looked back at you- a silent gesture telling you this was no joke.

“You can’t be... serious. Mando,”

“Don’t.”

It was like someone shoved your head underwater and told you to sing the ABCs, and expected you not to drown. No, it was worse than that.

Furious, you stomped out the room and down to the cot you and the Mandalorian once shared.

As soon as you entered, any anger in your system dissipated. Instead, a wave of grief and dread welcomed you. The tears you had been blinking away were falling rapidly, and you didn’t give a shit.

How did it all go wrong? Why the fuck does he care so much about The Way? Why can’t he see that he would have died?

You sunk to the ground and started fiddling with your hair. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw something of green colour moving towards you.

You heard the unmistakable coo of Grogu and you smiled. Ahsoka Tano told you he could sense the emotions of those around him. Now, as you saw him with his ears drooped, a small frown and big sad eyes- you could tell he knew you were upset.

You let out a sob.

And you hugged Grogu. Held him tight. After that ship ride, you would never see him again.

Up the ladder and in the pilot seat, the Mandalorian felt his cheeks were wet. It took him a minute to recognize that the wetness was him crying as he was listening to you quietly sob beneath him.

But you broke the only thing that has ever been familiar to him. The only thing that he truly understands about himself.

And Maker be damned, but he just can’t bring himself to forgive you.

—•—•—•—•—

Later that night, you find the Mandalorian in the same position.

Clearing your throat, you catch his attention. He turns to look at you, with a slight tilt of his helmet. He wasn’t expecting you to come up and talk to him so soon.

“I, uh... I know where I want to go.”

There was a long beat of silence, neither of you wanting to continue this awful conversation. Everything seemed to have escalated so quickly. You truly wished you hadn’t told him that you saw his face. But, you couldn’t keep a secret like that from him. He deserves better.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you continued. “I want to go to the island of Plinto.”

Plinto was a small, extremely unknown island. The only reason you knew of it, was because you accidentally stumbled upon it whilst running away from Imperials and were in desperate need of finding a hiding spot. Plinto offered you everything you needed; it was also the place you and the Mandalorian had met.

You mentally swatted the last thought away. If you thought about it more, you might burst into tears again. You were done crying.

The Mandalorian simply nods, turns around, punches in the coordinates, and begins steering.

You stand behind him feeling incredibly vulnerable and dumb. It was so easy for him to shut you out, but you were going insane.

You nodded awkwardly to no one in particular and turned around, deciding to spend the rest of the day with Grogu. You glanced at the estimated arrival time at the top left of Mando’s switchboard and noticed you had 12 hours left.

You sighed.

Climbing down the ladder, you were immediately greeted with Grogu’s small figure. He was staring at you knowingly, as if he knew what you had just told the Mandalorian.

You picked him off the ground, playfully swinging him in the air. He giggled, making your heart swell with pure adoration.

You pushed back any thoughts of what tomorrow was going to be like, determined to make this the most fun Grogu would ever have in a long time.

That included making drawings, followed by a snack break, cheering him on while he lifts more random objects (mostly food that eats) with the force, and playing with some action figures.

By the end of it all, Grogu is exhausted. He lays sleeping on your chest as you caress to top of his head, humming.

That is the scene the Mandalorian sees climbing down the ladder and he stops breathing for a moment.

He’s going to miss you.

He waves off any thoughts and instead retreats to his cot, shutting the door.

—•—•—•—•—

A gloved hand shakes you awake, and you’re greeted with the Mandalorian swooping Grogu out of your tired arms.

“We’re here.”

You scramble to stand up, already finding all your belongings neatly packed in some bags beside you.

Ouch.

You pick them up and follow the Mandalorian down the ship’s ramp. You see sand. A lot of it.

Plinto is a small island located on the planet of Corellia. It is home to the most stunningly largest beach you have ever seen. It encompasses the entire perimeter of the island. You couldn’t help but smile as the familiar beige sand greets your eyes.

At the core of the island is the small village that welcomed and offered you a comfortable job as sheriff, as well as a humble home. You left it all when the Mandolorian came. You hoped they would be just as kind to give you the life you had previously back.

Stopping just after the end of the ramp, the Mandalorian looks at you expectantly as you stand in front of him.

You knew that if you talked, you’d immediately start bawling your eyes out and begging him to forgive you. You’d like to think you have more dignity than that, which is why you simply nod at him and turn around.

You start to walk inwards, toward the village, when the voice of the Mandalorian stops you.

“Stop,” That simple word makes you freeze, and you slowly turn around to face him. The distance between you two was larger than before.

The Mandalorian awkwardly gestures toward the Child he holds in his hand. “Aren’t you going to say goodbye to him?”

It takes everything in his willpower not to breakdown and apologize for how stupid he’s being. But he can’t. The Way. It’s all he’s known. All he’s been dedicated to. And you violated and disrespected that. It made you a bad person. At least, that’s the mantra the Mandalorian would repeat to himself every time he saw your sad smile looking out the ship on your way to Plinto.

You smiled and held Grogu’s little hand in your own. “See you around, Grogu. I hope you find someone who can teach you.”

By now, you couldn’t help the small tears that fell down your cheeks. You quickly brushed them away with the back of your free hand.

You let go, turning around and beginning to walk away once more. Only, the same voice, more hoarse this time, stops you again.

“Are you not going to... say goodbye to me?”

You swiftly turn around. You want to scream at him. He was the reason you were back here in the first place and now he wants a goodbye filled with tears and requests for forgiveness?

No.

You were not going to give him that. You did not regret saving his life and breaking that stupid code he worshipped. If you could turn back time, you would do the same thing.

Lifting you head high, you smile softly at him. “Goodbye, Mandalorian. Be safe. I hope one day, you find happiness.”

With that, you head into the forest for good. With each step, more and more tears fall down your cheeks as you sniffle your way towards the village.

Way behind you is a stunned Mandalorian, rooted to his spot. You were gone. That was it.

It was over.

Chapter Text

It had been 2 years since the day you left the Mandalorian and Grogu.

You truly hoped he was well and that Grogu found someone to strengthen his ways in the force.

Life resumed as if your adventures with the Mandalorian had never happened. The people of the village embraced you with open arms, giving you the same job and the same home you had before.

You fell back into routine, making rounds across the village and ensuring everyone was okay.

Although this time, things were... different. Immediately upon your arrival, you felt feverish and developed an annoying cough.

At first you dismissed it, thinking that all the travelling had finally caught up to you and you developed a small cold that should go away in a couple of days.

It did not.

That’s why you made a trip to the local herbalist (the village’s form of a doctor), whom could not remedy your sickness.

Overtime, it got worse. One morning, you woke up in a fit of coughs. After coughing into your hand, you saw your hand stained with fresh droplets of blood.

Concerned, you rushed over to the herbalist once again, whom told you that you may have picked up an unknown illness on one of the planets you had visited.

“I apologize, but I don’t think I have any ways to cure you.” She smiled sadly at you, patting your back gently.

That’s what she told you 2 years ago.

Originally, you thought that you’d die within a week after that encounter- but you didn’t. It made you determined to live life to the fullest, even if you were stuck on this remote island.

You began coughing again as you were standing by a fruit vendor. Taking out your cloth piece, you covered your violent coughs. Tears accumulated at the corner of your eyes, as you grasped the corner of the vendor for support.

“You okay?” The man at the vendor, Micheal, said. Truthfully, he was an extremely attractive man. Dark brown hair, bright green eyes, and a structured face that put any other man in this town to shame. Micheal had asked you out one two occasions, and you kindly rejected both times.

Because no one could replace the love you had for the Mandalorian.

Micheal stared at you in concern, moving to come near you. Immediately you raised your hand up, telling him you were fine. Your fit of coughs finally ended, and you hastily wiped the tears that accidentally fell down your face. Clearing your throat, you offered him a smile before walking away. Micheal noticed the blood dripping down the small white cloth as your figure retreated into your home.

•—•—•—•—

The Mandalorian was miserable.

It took him some time to process what had happened, what he had done.

At first, he threw himself back into the world of bounty hunting. Taking as many jobs as humanly possible. Why? Because with any second of free time he had, he spent it thinking of you.

Spent thinking about how much he was an idiot for letting you go.

Everywhere he looked around the Razor Crest, he’d see the footprints you left behind. Your bubbly laughter in the cot during quiet nights when he found the sweet spot on your neck. The time you fell and bruised your knee in the fresher because you tried to show him “a cool magic trick!” Even as your knee turned blue, you threw your head back and laughed.

The Mandalorian cleared his throat.

Now, he was all alone. Grogu was gone, with a jedi named Luke Skywalker. No more consoling coos when the Child would find the Mandalorian staring at the last spot you were sleeping on the ship for hours. No more occasions where the Mandalorian would find the silvery ball on his console missing, and in the hands of Grogu.

“If you’re so sad, just go get her!” Cara’s unmistakable (and sometimes annoying) voice cut through the Mandalorian’ train of thought.

He let out a sigh.

He could go get her. It would be so easy flying to Plinto. But... then he would have to talk to you. Say sorry for the stupid shit he did.

On his journey, he startlingly learned that not all Mandalorians wear their helmets for life. He learned he joined an extremist group and the idea took him some time to digest as well.

He wanted to run to you, explain to you how much of an idiot he was. He wanted to thank you. For saving his life.

But something within himself, something that feared rejection far above anything else, stopped him from flying to you.

“You should go see her, Mandalorian. You never know, she may hug you when she sees you.”

Maybe he would visit her. She had been on his mind more often than not lately. The Mandalorian couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong, that you were in some trouble. Of course, he didn’t voice any of these concerns to his friends. They would probably just say he was being paranoid because he missed her. He did miss you so much.

The Mandalorian’s tense figure abruptly straightened in the cantina. Cara stared at him with a raised eyebrow as he wordlessly left. Shaking her head, she took another sip of her spotchka.

•—•—•—•—•

Your condition had gotten worse.

You were standing in the bathroom, getting ready for bed when a sharp pain in your left leg made you choke out a gasp as you fell to the floor.

It was an excruciating pain. If you so much as moved your leg, the same sharp sensation would travel up your body. Sweat began to drip down your forehead, and you felt like you were on fire. Suddenly, you began to cough again, blood splattering your clothes.

Despite all this, your thoughts trailed to the Mandolorian. If he were here, you were sure he would comfort you. Maybe bring you a new set of clothing after he carried you to the bed. You couldn’t help but smile at your thoughts, beginning to get lost in your own fantasy.

Your eyes began to droop, and suddenly you didn’t mind sleeping on the rough bathroom floor.

Loud banging sounds startled you awake, and you looked around you. You can’t recall why you’re on the floor in your bathroom in the first place, and you begin coughing loudly yet again.

“That’s it, I hear her. Go in!” The Herbalist calls out your name... and so does a masculine voice. You furrow your eyebrows, still unmoving, and try to recognize the voice.

Could it be... could it be him?

Your mind convinces you it is truly the Mandalorian and as 2 figures find you in the bathroom, you shrink in disappointment.

“We were worried about you,” says Micheal, as he helps to pick you up and place you gently on your straw bed.

“You didn’t come to work today.” He continues, looking at you worriedly. By now, the vibrant colour of your face was gone, replaced by a paleness he had never seen before. He swallowed nervously.

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. How long had it been? It only felt like a couple of hours that you had been sleeping.

The herbalist comes close to your face, caressing your cheek lightly. You lips quivered, as you desperately tried to hide the sobs threatening to escape. How did you get so sick overnight? Sure, you were coughing but it wasn’t this bad.

Her soft, elderly hand gently wipes away the tears spilling from the corners of your eyes and she smiles at you.

“Where is the man that you left all those years ago?” Her voice, so incredibly gentle, broke the dam of tears you had been fighting back.

You were openly sobbing, not caring as Micheal eyes widened and the Herbalist continues to comfort you.

She didn’t need a response. She understood. Heartbreak was the most dangerous disease one could acquire.

“I...I understand I don’t have much time left,” You croaked out, suddenly it was hard to talk. Your lungs felt like they had a boulder on them, restricting your ability to breathe with ease.

The Herbalist nodded, understanding. “Thank you for keeping this small village safe.”

You smiled weakly, recalling the first time you met the Herbalist. A band of teenaged thieves were wreaking havoc on the poor lady. You stepped in, shoving them all into one place and letting the elderly lady yell at them. The sight made you laugh and after, the Herbalist treated you to some tea.

It was the first fond memory you had of this island.

“No, no, no, no, no,” Micheal frantically said as he approached you on the bed. His eyes were filled with tears as he stared at you. He noticed how much weight you lost. How hadn’t he noticed it before? “You’re not going to... die. You can’t.” His voice cracked at the end, filled with emotion. He couldn’t help but grow fond of you over the years. Your fearless spirit and compassion for all, it was intoxicating. Now, as he stared at you, you seemed void of any emotion. He let out a quiet sob and grasped your hand in his own. You let him.

“I... I want to be laid. On the beach.” You say, staring at the ceiling.

The Herbalist nods, “It is a wish I will fulfill. Micheal, fetch some blankets and food for the girl.” Micheal springs into action, leaving to get the requested supplies.

You looked over to the Herbalist to see her quietly crying and staring at your blank face. “I’m sorry... so sorry I couldn’t help.”

It was your turn to smile. You didn’t say anything, even though you wanted to assure her she did all she could. You wanted to thank her. But the invisible weight of the boulder on your chest seemed to grow tenfold; it was getting harder to breathe. The Herbalist heard your noisy intakes of breath and she let out a quiet sob.

Micheal returned with a few village members, some red and orange coloured fruit, multiple coloured blankets (it gets cold at the island during the night), and a stretcher of sorts to carry you to your destination comfortably.

Micheal gently picks you up and you flinch as your left leg is still in excruciating pain. He apologizes multiple times, and you’re too tired to stop him. He lays you in the orange coloured stretcher and another man picks up the bottom end of it, while Micheal takes the front. They pick up the stretcher, and the Herbalist follows behind. With her, another lady carries the blankets and fruits.

Everyone in the town is stunningly quiet. No one moves as they stare outside their homes, looking at the mighty sheriff herself being carried to her deathbed.

You lay there, staring at the bright blue sky. The same one you stared at as the Mandalorian first took you on his ship to help him with a bounty. It was that same trip you both bonded and decided you’d join him. Silently crying, you came to the realization you were going to die alone. No one would find you, the Mandalorian would not come back.

They lay you down on the sand, and you could hear the waves of the ocean hit the edge of the beach. You were already shivering, even though it was bright, sunny and hot out. The Herbalist stepped forward, placing two blankets over your shivering figure.

“If you are alone after two days, we will come and give you the burial you deserve.” The Herbalist says, tucking you in and wiping away her own tears.

You didn’t respond but if you could, you’d laugh. Of course she knew. She knew you were hoping the Mandalorian would come find you. That’s why you wished to lay in the spot where it all began and ended.

Micheal let out a sob as the Herbalist ushered the small group away from you.

You blankly stared at the sky, hoping he’d come.

He had to.

•—•—•—•—•

As the Mandalorian steered his ship towards the island of Plinto, he could not shake off the strong feeling of dread that consumed his senses.

Something was horribly wrong. He just hoped it had nothing to do with you.

After leaving the cantina that night, the Mandalorian decided he would waste no more time dwelling over the past and his mistakes. He decided he would go to Plinto, hunt you down, explain to you how stupid he was.

And how much he wanted you back.

Even if you told him you never wanted to see him again, he’d respect that. But he had to try and get you back.

He would die if it meant seeing you once more.

As he began to land on the sandy beach, his eyebrows furrowed behind his helmet. A small figure in blue blankets lay on the beach.

Although odd, he dismissed it as someone enjoying their time and soaking in the sun.

As the ramp lowered and he got a closer look, his heart sunk.

It was you.

He ran towards you frozen figure, he saw no signs of life in you. Beside you, was a basket full of fruits. They were rotten and bugs began to swarm the basket.

Beginning to panic he collapsed next to you, shaking you awake. You were so cold.

And you had no pulse.

The Mandalorian furiously shook his head, refusing the accept the obvious.

He began shaking you again, calling your name repeatedly, before he let out a loud scream and hugged your lifeless body.

“She waited for you.” A figure called out somewhere in front of him.

He looked up, to see the Herbalist, who was crying herself.

“How long?” He choked out. He couldn’t even finish the sentence. How long had it been since you died?

“Not long. She wished to be here, hoping you would come for her. I guess she was right.”

The Mandalorian let out a broken breath, and he looked down at your face. You were so, so, so pale. Your face had a tint of blue, he suspected you couldn’t breathe and he let out another string of sobs.

He should’ve been here. With you. You didn’t deserve to die alone.

Slowly, he lifted his helmet and the Herbalists’ eyes widened. Placing it gently beside him, he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

He would never forgive himself.