Chapter Text
People have always intrigued you; their stories and the worlds around them that you’d get to glimpse into if you really paid attention (and you paid attention). There wasn’t anything more exciting to you.
That was why you loved your job at a cafe, you could observe the people around you with such ease. Some you only got to see for that day, some maybe a few more, but others would come weekly - maybe more. You had a few favourite characters in this little story.
The first was a tall, skinny man with brown hair. He always wore a suit and adored a black coffee every day - to go, obviously. Most of the time he was on the phone, grumbling to some poor human about a task they failed to complete, but the few times he wasn’t were more intriguing. He had a very calm air about him then. Very charming (especially when he tried to flirt with you, to no avail). He always tipped 200 Yen, telling you to treat yourself to something nice - you always wanted to pour his coffee over the expensive suit.
Next was the tired mother and her daughter. Every Friday, 3:35 on the dot, that’s when they showed up. The daughter would squish her cheeks together and gasp at the array of cakes before picking a cheesecake. The mother would smile almost sadly before getting herself whichever tea you’d recommend that day - normally a green tea, but you’d change things up sometimes. They were always a relieving sight. You knew the mother was single, listening as the daughter bragged about what she’d be doing with her dad this weekend. You watched the twinkle in her eye dwindle at the mention of her father, but the mother smiled through it all and smiled so sweetly. Such a brave woman.
And finally, one woman who had held your intrigue for the entire two years she’d been coming. Every single Saturday she’d enter, always ordering a tea and daifuku with anko filling. For the first year, she seemed so hopeful as she nervously rubbed her hands together; the few times you’d actually talked to her, she told you about her boyfriend, how she was waiting for him to call. And for a while, he did. Then slowly, she stopped getting that call.
She only ever missed one week - when you asked her about it the next week, tears pricked in her eyes and she broke down. You took her into the back quickly, ushering away the peering eyes of your co-workers so she could feel secure. You learnt her name, but you’d come to call her Moonlight (something about her just reminded you of the moon), and in turn, she’d call you Sunshine (because something about you reminded her of the sun).
You never talked outside of the cafe, but she seemed to open up just a little more with each passing week, discovering new things about her that you hadn’t expected. Things that exceeded your expectations. Only once did she show up with three small children in tow (Kado, Joji, and Etsu), and it was absolute hell - but the best day you’d ever worked.
Kado and Joji were truly little demons, just turned 7 and already forces to be reckoned with. Etsu was about to be 5, a beauty already. Despite being their sister, Moonlight acted more like a mother. It was almost sad to see.
Moonlight was somehow so open and yet so closed off at the same time; every inch closer you’d step towards her, she was pushing back. Always at arms reach. You could try and slip past her barriers (if you could figure out which ones actually led to her).
One week, you awaited her arrival with bated breath; something in the air today had you more nervous than usual and you couldn’t quite figure out what it was. You’d just gotten back off of your break when she arrived, smiling so beautifully. “Same as usual?” You chirped, already writing down her typical.
“For me, yes,” she chimed. Something about her was glowing more today - subconsciously, your brows twitched upwards, trying to figure it out what she meant. Your confusion seemed to click with her because she elaborated, “oh, I brought someone with me again. He’s just… I don’t know what he’s doing.”
Almost as if on command, the door to the cafe opened and in walked a man, a cheeky smile plastered on his lips. Something about him made it impossible for you to not look at him; then his eyes landed on her and you knew you never stood a chance. “What’re you ordering, bitch face?” He asked, snorting as she rolled her eyes.
“Make your own decision, Suga tits.” There’s a chemistry between them that you can’t quite figure out; enough space between them to leave it up to the imagination. Either old friends or lovers, now was the task of figuring out which it was? She glanced down at her phone, brows furrowing - he must have seen in the corner of his eyes because he immediately looked worried.
After he figured out his order, they sat down at a table and kept up their light chatter.
You hadn’t expected her to move on so quickly since whatever heartbreak she’d faced just over a year ago, but you were happy for her. With this boy - Suga, you guessed - she was able to open up and smile so freely. There was nothing forcing it.
You were happy for her, you told yourself.
----
The next week, Moonlight returned by herself, holding her hands in front of her and smiling ever so sweetly. “Hey.” You smiled so brightly, and she returned the gesture (you noted the emptiness in her eyes now that Suga wasn’t here). “Your usual?” You asked, and she nodded. “So, where’s that boy you were with?” You hummed, looking up at her.
“Oh, Suga?” She asked, and you could only nod because you didn’t really know who he was. “He’s got some work to do today; tough life being a university student, I suppose.”
“I wouldn’t know.” You laugh. There’s a questioning look in her eyes, but she slowly manages to piece things together and nods.
“Same. I only know what I know because of Suga and-” there’s a moment of hesitation and her expression falls to a sadness you recognise. You know exactly who she is thinking about in that moment and are quick to distract her.
“So is Suga, like, your boyfriend…?” That works and she looks up at you cackling with laughter, her head tossed back as she clutches her stomach. Her laughter is infectious in the nicest way and you giggle with her.
“God, no!” She calls out, brushing away tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes. A mixture of disgust on her face answers your first question, but it raises so many more in its place. Like a ‘one door closes and twelve more open’ sort of situation. Before you had a chance to ask, she had a chance to explain, “he’s just, I guess, my best friend.”
You nodded slowly and she glanced up at you as you mused, “I see.”
The smirk that tugged at her lips spoke a thousand words. “Why? Do you think he’s cute?” She asked, resting her head on her hand. The warmth that spread to your cheeks was a tell tale sign, but you denied it anyway. She only laughed and brushed you off.
You hoped that that would be the end of that conversation. That you wouldn’t have to face up to these feelings any time soon (because they weren’t really feelings). Of course, Moonlight had other plans.
You were cleaning off the table she’d sat at after she left when you noticed a piece of paper on it. All you could think was oh no .
Carefully, you unfolded the paper, and you were greeted with a little message - obviously from Moonlight. It read:
So, ya like Suga? Perfect, because he told me he thinks you’re cute.
xxx-xxx-xxxx
Go get ‘em :D
You hid the squeal of excitement at the words on the paper, but your co-workers would be sure to question why it was suddenly like you were floating for the rest of the day.
----
Had there ever been someone more perfect than Sugawara Koushi? No!
That was what you thought, of course, because Sugawara Koushi was an angel disguised as a devil. Sure, he liked to play little tricks and tease, and sometimes he could get a little too aggressive with his ways of love. But underneath all that was a soft interior that made your heart melt.
Every interaction with him left you on a high - which meant you were like this on, basically, a daily basis. Who knew that just a few months of dating and a month of officially being together could make your world so full of life of joy.
And the best part? He felt the exact same way.
You’d be sure to thank Moonlight for this opportunity to be with him until the day that you’d die. Without her, you never would have gotten this far; you would have passed up the greatest opportunity for love that you’d known. And for what? You didn’t even know.
“You know, I think you’re pretty cool.” You hummed one afternoon, curled up next to him on his couch, the film you’d been watching not long ago forgotten so you could trace the shapes on his face. Something so soft in his features as he looked at you. God, you just wanted to kiss him, and hold him, so much for so long.
“I think I’m pretty cool, too.” He chuckled, brushing a strand of hair out of your face.
You only laughed and pushed yourself away from him - a small defiance - but he was quick to grab your wrist and pull you back.
“I guess you’re okay, too.” He planted a soft kiss on your forehead and you rolled your eyes.
That was the thing about Sugawara Koushi: his heart was so open and warm to the world around him. To the people who he held near and dear to him. You just happened to be lucky enough to be one of those people.
“I’m more than okay and you know it.” You said, resting your head against his chest and listening to his even heart rate pick up ever so slightly.
You wouldn’t call it love, not yet, not when it’s still so early into it. But you do know that you both care for each other so deeply, more than anyone will ever care about you, and more than anyone will ever care about him.
For a little while, it feels like the whole world only revolves around the two of you.
So much that you can’t see something rising over the horizon.
----
Of course, good things always seemed to get interrupted for you.
Sugawara was your world, but that was the thing about worlds, they’d normally bring along a little something else with them that you might not notice until it’s too late.
For you, that something would be the very thing that brought you together. Moonlight was great - you knew that - and she had no intentions of ever dating Sugawara - or trying to steal him from you. But when they interacted, you couldn’t help but feel inferior. Like you were the third wheel in their world. Like they had a bond that you could never be a part of.
“Are you sure nothing ever happened between you and her?” You’d tease, trying to keep the air light-hearted as he looked at her with a content sigh - his expression switched to that of disgust, and you knew your fears were unwarranted.
Honestly, you don’t really know what you were expecting, you knew they were close when you started dating him. Yet you couldn’t stop the sickening feeling of jealousy twisting your stomach, making your skin crawl. Those feelings only got worse when they’d laugh together about something that happened so many years ago. Moonlight was snorting, clutching her stomach like her life depended on it.
It only made it harder when she depended on him. You knew why - she just simply didn’t have anyone else other than Suga - and you didn’t mind, not at first, not until he’d answer her calls in the middle of your date and leave you wishing you’d never texted him that evening after Moonlight had given you his number. Wishing you’d never met him. Wishing it was just as easy as giving up.
And the more you looked at her, the more you knew you could never compare. Though she looks slightly older for her age, slightly more tired, the beauty she radiates is far more than you have. Her laugh is so contagious; humour perfectly matching his in every way that yours can’t.
You speculated that it was because they’d been together so long - that thought would be correct - but you couldn’t help it. You wanted to be close to him. You wanted what they had. How were you meant to do that?
And so what if you end up reading more into their relationship than you should, a little jealousy is healthy, right? Watching the way they interact and wishing it was you is normal, right? Begging that she’d find someone more captivating and leave him alone for good isn’t a horrible idea, right? That you’d finally get to have some time with him and not feel alone. God, that would be nice.
You resist the urge to cry as she leans into him while they exchange their laughter; Suga glances at you and you offer him a smile. Sure, it was nice they’d invite you on their weekly excursions (you’d pretend that the fact you got a bi-weekly date didn’t affect you), but you were like an awkward piece to the puzzle. You fit, but something was missing.
Or maybe you didn’t fit as much as you thought you did.
----
So maybe you invited her to a night out, just the two of you.
And maybe you started drinking just a little more than you normally would because you were nervous.
And maybe you ended up getting into an argument with her that went something along the lines of you telling her that you hate her because she is always with Suga. And her telling you… something?
Once again, these were all just maybe’s, you couldn’t remember what happened last night at all. Not with the pounding in your head. You felt light and heavy at the same time, and the water Suga kept offering you wasn’t doing you any good.
He ran his hands through your hair and looked down at you sadly as you mumbled into your pillow.
You really wish you could remember what you’d said last night (at least, not exactly). The only thing you can visibly remember was the sickening look of sorrow in her eyes. A look you recognised from some time after she’d ended things with her ex; had your words really hurt her that much? You doubted it, she was probably just putting on some sort of act to try and make you feel bad. You couldn’t feel bad.
Maybe you should have felt bad because Suga kept looking at his phone with worried eyes. Normally, she would have been messaging him so much, checking up on you and making sure that you hadn’t died in the night. Today: nothing.
You wanted to tell him that she’d message soon, but you weren’t sure. “How are you feeling?” He asks, putting his phone to one side and gently cupping your cheek.
“Like shit.” You mumble, nuzzling closer into his warmth, tossing an arm over his body. Suga lets out a soft chuckle as you smile. “How’s Moonlight?” You ask, but it’s half-hearted and you don’t know why.
“I’m sure she’s fine.” He assures you, but there’s hesitation in his voice and it makes your stomach sink. “Did something happen last night?” You can feel his eyes on you, trying to work out why she wasn’t checking up on you. If only you remembered.
“I don’t know.” You admit even though you are aware of something happening. “I can’t really remember anything.” You say. His face shifts, but he looks away before you can fully understand the expression. God, if only there were an easy answer for everything.
That night you manage to distract him from his sadness with snacks and a movie.
If only snacks and a movie could fix everything.
----
It isn’t until he comes home late from work a week later, crying and completely drenched head to toe that you understand something is not right. Something more not right than what you thought.
He tries to avoid your hugs, but gives in and eventually melts into you. He grips the back of your shirt tightly, like he’d fall apart if he let go. Like he’d fall apart if you let him go.
You choose not to care about the fact his tears are soaking through your shirt, or that he’s created a wet spot on the carpet from his drenched clothes, or the light pain as he holds you closer. Right now, he needs you .
It takes some time, but you manage to get it out of him; he’d gone to visit Moonlight after he’d finished work to try and see what was up with her (because she’d stopped calling and messaging him entirely). Apparently, she hadn’t even let him in the door, refused to talk to him about the problem - because you were the problem - and told him to leave her alone.
Even as he tried to get her to open up and talk about it she just refused. Of course, the conversation lasted longer than he thought, but only because Kado and Joji had forced the man inside. Moonlight tried to tell them no, but they weren’t listening to a thing she said (though that wasn’t exactly a new situation).
You tried not to think about how this was most definitely your fault. The fact that his current problems were because of you.
God, you should have just sucked it up, dealt with it. She made him happy - but not as happy as you - she hadn’t done anything wrong. And yet… you were jealous. Why?
Thinking about it made your head hurt, so you focused on rubbing slow circles on his back, humming a soft tune to try and distract both of you from the thoughts that wracked your brain. Maybe it all hurt more because Suga had always been so much stronger than anyone you’d known, and yet, here he was, broken in your arms.
You helped him strip off his clothes, saying, “you wouldn’t want to catch a cold, would you?” And he agreed, letting you whisk him upstairs, running him a bath. His eyes were dull as he looked to the side, barely keeping up any conversation with you.
It hurt. More than you ever thought it would.
----
You really regretted ever thinking that things would be better if Moonlight wasn’t here. If she’d left your life.
The moment she’d left, she seemed to take a part of Suga with her; sure, he was still Suga, he’d tease and and make fun, and you’d end up in laughing fits, but there was something missing in how he works.
You’d watch his eyes light up when his phone buzzed, only to die immediately.
You winced inside with each night that he’d ask you if you’d heard something, anything , because he was worried.
It was like something inside of Suga was programmed to protect Moonlight, but he would never tell you why. Like it was some sort of trade secret between the two of them. Another thing you’d never get a chance to be a part of.
Things became just a little harder after she’d stopped visiting the cafe. It was abrupt. After almost four years of knowing each other, it was over. She’d taken herself out of your life as well as Suga’s. Did you even have any right to be upset with her?
No.
Every time you watched him jump at the sound of the door, you knew it was your fault, because the disappointment that would follow was more than enough to break your heart a thousand times over. Maybe even more. Definitely more.
You wished you could make this pain go away, you just didn't know how to. If Moonlight was in the picture, then it might end up destroying your relationship with Suga; but if she wasn’t in the picture, then Suga was… well, he was depressed.
He’d smile at you weakly from his end of the couch before he looked away, eyes void of emotion.
You ran your hands through your hair, sighing to yourself as you poured the coffee for a customer, feigning a smile.
----
You wished things weren’t like this.
You wished feelings weren’t messy.
You wished that you knew how to make things better.
Even when Suga told you he’d be okay, you couldn’t help but not believe him.
You bit back the tears in front of him, gave him the sweet kisses that he needed at the moment; when you were alone, it was a different story. You could only feel guilt.
God, you felt stupid. Time didn’t make things better, they made things so much more worse. A few months had passed since your maybe-argument with Moonlight and nothing had changed (though Suga did cling to you considerably more now).
When you were at work one weekend, Suga had found an old box of memories from his high school years. You returned just in time, catching him holding onto an old picture of the third years from his volleyball club.
“What’s that?” You called out from the door frame. He looked up at you, a little surprised, but his face softened and he motioned for you to join him. You did, not even hesitating.
“I found this box,” you glanced around as he explained, humming a little at the small memories that were spread across the floor, “and this is a picture from our last year in high school.” He passed you the picture.
There were two faces you didn’t recognise (another face you knew to be Azumane Asahi. You’d only met him once or twice, but he was very nice - though rather timid).
One belonged to a girl with black hair and glasses, a small smile on her lips, but her eyes were shining with such joy in this moment.
The other face was a boy. He had short brown hair and the most charming smile you’d ever seen. Stood just a little in front of this boy was Moonlight, looking barely younger than she did now, but her eyes were glowing with so much happiness. Next to her was Suga, so relaxed and awash with content that it was almost strange.
“Is that Moonlight?” You asked, checking your facts.
“Yep,” Suga nodded, looking at her with a sigh.
“I didn’t know she was part of the volleyball team…” you hummed, resting your head on his shoulder.
You can’t see his face, but his tone of voice is enough to tell you what you need to know. “She wasn’t.” A question lingers on the tip of your tongue; you don’t need to ask it, he’s already explaining, “she, um…” he pointed to the boy with the short brown hair. “This is Sawamura Daichi, he was… her boyfriend.”
“Oh…” you were smart enough to fill in some gaps, but Moonlight had never told you what had actually happened between them.
“You know,” Suga sniffed, starting to pack away the things back into the box, “I know things get hard sometimes. And that I’m really close to Moonlight, but I hope you know you never had anything to worry about. I knew that girl for almost five years. I’ve seen her at her worst, never at her best though.” You nod, not really sure how to respond. “Before I met you, we were the only people who really understood each other; I’m in love with you, though.”
You feel your heart warm at the sound of that; yet something in his eyes kept you from feeling so elated.
“You’re my everything, but…” he paused. Of all places to pause, he paused there. And why?
You knew why.
Like how every world needed a sun, Suga needed you. You provided him warmth; helped him to thrive; you brought light into his life that he could never describe. But world’s need more than just a sun to thrive. World’s need moons to hold back the tides; to light up the darkness; to reflect your love further and deeper.
And right now, your world needed his moon.