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“Haven’t I been through enough?” Tony muttered through gritted teeth as the tailor poked another pin into him by accident, but he wasn’t just referring to the stab job that he was being subjected to by the tailor (who Tony was pretty sure was legally blind) but also the harrowing sexual politics of trying to save face after a very public breakup.
The Annual September Foundation gala was upon them once again and Tony wasn’t allowed to miss… not because Pepper gave him an ultimatum, no, that was the exact thing Tony was hoping to avoid.
Pepper had sent him a memo.
A Memo.
Reminding him that his presence was necessary, there was no threat attached to it but he could read the invisible ‘or else’, and so Tony was getting fitted for a tux because he was absolutely willing to get stabbed by needles, go to a mind-numbing social event and pose for pictures with socialite zombies if it meant that Pepper would spare him the 'I know I dumped you but you need to be better for the company blah blah closure weeping’ nonsense.
Of course, he had brought Peter with him… because he brought Peter with him everywhere nowadays, he was pleasant company and the kid had his 21st birthday coming up. How a self-respecting adult man makes it to 21 without a decent suit, he would never understand but Tony has a monopoly over Peter Parker’s suit needs, spider or otherwise, so the kid was invited for a fitting of his own.
That was mostly a front, of course, the real reason was that Tony didn’t want to suffer alone.
Then May and Gwen had tagged along too because they had a pre-scheduled lunch date with Peter and the tailor had refreshments and so now this was a fitting party.
The ladies were lounging on plush couches and sampling sparkling drinks and scrumptious little delicacies while Tony and Peter stood on platforms and got stabbed by pins.
Giovanni was a talented man but very clearly a sadist… this was too deliberate for a blind man
But then the conversation took a horrifying turn that had Tony wishing that the pins were daggers and that he were dead.
“Do you have a date for the gala yet Mr. Stark?” Gwen asked with a rather disturbing mischievous expression on her face. Tony didn’t miss the glare that Peter shot her as she said that. Good kid.
“Umm… no not really… I was just gonna go in for like half an hour, get photographed, mingle a little, and then get out. A date would be too much hassle” Tony grimaced.
“But the bugle blog says Pepper is attending with a plus one-”
“Gwen shut up and leave Mr. Stark alone” Peter snapped.
“Listen… I’m just saying that Miss Potts is gonna’ be there with her new guy and if Iron Man shows up sad and lonely then people will talk” Gwen informed them with a shrug.
'That’s because I am sad and lonely’ Tony thought to himself but he said “There’s nothing new about that Gwen, people always talk about me.”
“I know they do Mr. Stark; I’m just wondering what if you had the option of changing the conversation,” said Gwen with a smug grin on her face and a raised eyebrow.
Huh… that’s intriguing and Tony has always been easily intrigued. “Okay, I’ll bite… what do you have in mind?”
“Me? Nothing… I have absolutely nothing on my mind. On a totally unrelated note, did you know that Empire State University has an anonymous 'Smash or Pass’ Instagram account and Peter has been voted 'Most Bangable Twink On Campus’ for 3 months in a row?” She said casually as May broke into champagne-induced giggles at her nephew’s abject horror and mortification.
Tony raised an eyebrow and made a show of giving Peter an exaggerated once over, he had to admit that all the scandalized blushing that Peter had going on made him smile a bit. The kid was cute. Bangable apparently. Huh.
“Hey, Gwen! Could you please never ever speak out loud again… that would be great thanks” Peter seethed.
“Listen, man…” Gwen reasoned “don’t get me wrong embarrassing you gives me endless joy but I’m being serious. This could be mutually beneficial for you guys”
“Explain how” Tony requested because his mind was starting to wander to the dangerous territories of Peter’s physique and how good he actually looked in the pin-filled suit. Bangable…?
“It’s pretty simple, the return of America’s favorite playboy, show up to a party hosted by your ex, with a pretty little barely legal thing on your arm?! That’s a pretty epic way to win the breakup!” Gwen’s was almost giddy as she elaborated “And yeah it’s 2021 bad and people will cause a fuss about the age difference but to all that noise just say that you guys are 'just good friends’- don’t confirm or deny anything and while woke Twitter tries to figure out whether they want to cancel you or not- you would have already claimed your status as a true ‘bi-con’ on Instagram”
“Did she just call me a 'thing’?” An affronted Peter asked a chuckling May.
“So, I get restored to my former debauched glory, just slightly gayer and that’s fantastic, plus I never had a chance with woke twitter anyway Gwen, I’m a billionaire with a multi-generational history of war profiteering. Talk about a lost cause. But exactly how does Pete benefit from any of this?” Asked Tony, only to receive a 'WTF-are-you-actually-considering-this?’ look from Peter, accompanied with, again, a lot of cute blushing.
“Umm… bragging rights for life and a chance to meet his self-proclaimed 'soulmate’, Johnny Storm who will be attending because he tweeted about it” Gwen stated simply.
Now it was Peter who seemed intrigued, and Tony was almost irritated by how disappointed he suddenly felt but then the kid looked up at him with his doe eyes, eyebrows slightly raised, cheeks still flushed and Tony was sold.
“Could be fun… what say, Pete?” He asked the kid
“I’m- I mean… I’m in if you are Mr. Stark” Peter stammered while turning pink again
“It’s a date then!” Said Tony and he felt only an appropriate amount of excitement course through him… nothing inappropriate… Bangable. Stop.
“Yay! Now you have to bring me back a personalized video message from the Human Torch because I made this happen for you” Gwen demanded
“I’m pretty sure Mr. Stark is the one who is making this happen for me thank you very much,” Peter said, narrowing his eyes at her.
“God kids move fast these days…” sighed May with a devious look on her face.
“What do you mean May?” Gwen asked
“Well, Peter has this crush on this Storm guy now, but it feels like just yesterday when every time he came back home after spending time in Tony’s lab, he used to say that he wanted to marry 'Mr. Stark’ when he grew up” May teased.
The kid’s complexion might never recover from all this blushing Tony thought to himself as he tried to repress the foolish hope and desire blooming in his heart as a wide grin stretched across his face and Peter tried to become invisible while hiding his face from Tony.