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“I don’t want you to go.” Steve says in the dark room. He’s laying on his side with his head on Bucky’s chest.
“I know. I don’t want to go either.” Bucky’s arm is around Steve’s small body. Bucky had just found out he’d been drafted into the war. He’d be leaving first thing the next morning.
“How ‘bout we run away?” Bucky huffs a laugh.
“Don’t think I haven’t already considered that.” He shakes his head. “We can’t. We’d never stop runnin’ if we did that.”
“I know.” Steve’s voice is quiet. Barely a whisper. “I just don’t wanna lose you.” Bucky feels a tear land on his bare chest. Steve shakes softly as he cries. Bucky’s hand starts rubbing Steve’s back soothingly.
“I don’t wanna lose you neither. But I gotta go Stevie.” He kisses Steve’s head. “I’ll come back to you.” When he blinks, a tear falls down his cheek. “I love you so much Stevie.” He whispers.
“I love you too, Buck. More than anything.” They fall asleep wrapped in each others arms.
***
“Please be careful.”
“It’s war, Steve. There’s not much ‘being careful’ allowed.” Steve gives him a look. “But I’ll try my best.” He kisses Steve passionately. “I have to go.” Bucky whispers against Steve’s lips. They share one more love filled kiss before Bucky pulls away. Both of them have tears filling their eyes.
“I love you, Buck.”
“I love you too, Stevie.” With that, Bucky turns with his bag slung over his shoulder and walks out of the apartment. He gives one more look at Steve, whose tears have begun running down his cheeks, and reluctantly pushes himself out of the building.
***
Steve and Bucky write back and forth every week. Until one day, a letter comes to Steve telling him that they’re going to Azzano and won’t be back to the base for a few weeks. His heart speeds up when he gets another letter in the mail two months later. He sees it came from the army base and carefully tears it open.
‘Sergeant James Buchanen Barnes went missing behind enemy lines. He is reported killed in action.’
The letter falls from his hands as a sob rips through him. His body shakes as he cries. Steve cries until he has an asthma attack and he has to force himself to calm down. He didn’t even finish reading the letter. The two lines he read said enough.
***
Over the next month, Steve rarely leaves the apartment. He leaves to work, passing out newspapers early in the morning, or to get food from the store. He cries most nights, holding Bucky’s pillow in his arms. Some nights, he re-reads Bucky’s letters or looks at drawings he made of Bucky or pictures of the two of them. He struggles to believe that the love of his life isn’t coming back. There’s a part of him that doesn’t believe it. It thinks Bucky will walk through the door any minute. That part, Steve believes, is wrong. It’s impossible.
Until it isn’t.
It’s two months since Steve got the letter saying Bucky didn’t return from Azzano. He’s sitting on the couch drawing. The pencil sketches out a familiar profile. It’s how Steve remembers Bucky, smiling at the pier with a blush high on his cheeks. That was when Steve had fallen in love with Bucky.
They were 16 and had a few extra dollars from Bucky’s job, so they decided to go on a date, not that they could be affectionate. They went to the pier in August, because Steve couldn’t be in the sun for too long due to his pale skin. They spent the day walking around and laughing. They stayed out until the sun went down. Once they returned to their apartment, smiles still stuck to their faces, Steve uttered the three words that had been sitting on his tongue for hours. Bucky froze and then smiled.
“I love you too, Stevie.” He had said before swooping Steve into a love-filled kiss. That was the first night they made love. Waking up the next morning to Bucky wrapped around him had been one of Steve’s favorite memories.
The blond finds himself smiling through tears on the couch. He sets his book aside so he doesn't get the pages wet. The thoughts of Bucky had begun hurting less. He was able to go into their room without bursting into sobs and he’s even gone through Bucky’s things. He pulls the dogtag out of his shirt and clutches it tightly. The sound of a key sliding into the lock pulls Steve from his mind. His heart jumps as the door starts opening. The only other person who has a key to the apartment is-
“Bucky?” Steve jumps up from the couch when the brunette shuts the door. He drops his bag and picks Steve up as he jumps into Bucky’s arms. They’re laughing wetly through tears. “Is it really you?” Steve whispers.
“It’s really me, doll.” Steve nuzzles his head into Bucky’s neck and takes in his boyfriend’s scent. He pulls away after a moment and locks their lips together. They kiss after being apart for over a year and it’s just as sweet as Steve remembers it being. They pull apart panting lightly and Steve looks over Bucky’s face. There’s bruises and small cuts, but he looks just the same.
“What happened?” He whispers. Bucky’s eyes drop to the floor. Steve tilts his head up with his fingers. “It’s okay, Bucky. You’re home.” Bucky’s lips lift a little in a smile and he walks them over to sit on the couch. He tells Steve how their whole unit was captured in Azzano and they were tortured and experimented on. Steve holds his boyfriend as he recounts the experience and how Steve was all he ever thought about. Steve was the only thing that got him through it.
“I told you I’d come home. I couldn’t break my promise.” Steve kisses his head.
“You did. You came home. You’re okay. I love you.” Bucky holds Steve tighter and kisses Steve's neck, the only spot he can reach.
After an hour or two, Steve manages to get Bucky into their room. They lay in their bed, Steve holding Bucky close to his chest. Their sleep isn’t peaceful, both of them wake up to a nightmare or two, but they have each other. When one wakes up, the other coaxes them back to sleep and holds them tight, whispering promises of never letting go.