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"You never fail to make my legs, tremble, Minho. You're definitely the man."
Minho chuckled at the naked woman's comment. He continued to inhale on the cigarette before handing it over to her.
"Hey, Pam. Remember that guy I told you? My Friday night buddy?"
"Yeah?"
"He confessed."
"Ouch. How did it go?"
"Not good."
Minho remembered how he left Jisung, wrecked, hurt, broken. It was all in his eyes. A sight Minho never wanted to see from others, and yet he was the cause of one.
"Are you okay, though?” The woman questioned, putting the cigarette butt on the ashtray beside her.
"Yeah."
"Minho, all I can say is, if it's bothering you right now, and you're lying to me, then there must be something more to him."
Minho continued on with his life after his separation with Jisung. He never saw him in the sea of people after what happened, and he expected that. He continued racking up his wins and creating a clean record for himself. He would celebrate with his friends and go home.
The only thing that changed is that there's no man beside every Friday night. No more stories about his customer service life. No more of his whimpers. No more of his cuddles that Minho liked so much.
Minho knew it was for the better. Fuckbuddies are never meant to fall in love with one another. Jisung should've known that.
But why was Minho so affected?
Oh.
Because Jisung reminded him so much of how stupid he was to do the same mistake years ago. Where he did everything for the man he loved. He tried convincing him that their relationship could work, but all the other saw in him was a body to use for release.
Minho believed that Jisung was just confused. He may have just fallen in love with the idea that he helped him forget about his problems for a while. Minho supposed that if he ever let Jisung more into his life, they would only end up hurting each other.
It was the right decision, he kept persuading himself.
But at nights like this, where he's all alone, no hook up to keep him company, he wondered if that was really the truth.
"Haven't seen you in a while."
"I'm only here because I'm running low on my allowance and you're the only one who can save me from being broke. Thank you for winning tonight. But fuck you still for hurting my friend." Hyunjin scoffed as he downed on his drink.
"Was it my fault that he fell in love?"
"You led him on."
"With my dick?! Don't be ridiculous, Hyunjin. If he fell in love with me fucking him, then there's nothing to cry about. What I did was common decency and I do that to anyone I mess around with."
Hyunjin didn't say a word. He just looked harshly at Minho before moving away and joining the group of people dancing on the center of the room.
On the other hand, Minho continued to drink some more. He had to.
It was true.
Why did Jisung even fall in love with him?
Was he too good at sex?
Was it the aftercare?
Did he look hot every time he raced?
No matter what reason Minho looked into, it wasn't enough for him to understand why Jisung felt that way.
Another Friday night had passed, and it has been two months since the dreadful event. Minho hadn't thought much of it, slowly forgetting the boy with the puffy cheeks that made him smile after every race.
He didn't have a game scheduled for today. He and his friends decided to stroll through Seoul and meet other racers from the city. Eventually, they were introduced to a new place. It was a short route, just a five-kilometer path that ends at the other side of the tunnel. It was a popular racing site among the underground players and the country boys all wanted to give it a go.
"Come on, let's make this interesting. Let's give a dare to the loser."
"The loser shotguns a gallon of beer!" All the boys went rowdy as they agreed for it to be the final punishment for the loser.
Their tour guides went ahead first, saying they'll meet them at the end of the tunnel with the beer prepared.
Minho didn't like the punishment. Although he has some tolerance with drinking, it's not enough to keep him sane after chugging down a whole gallon. He might actually die in the process.
The race commenced and Minho took the lead. The smooth road was something he wasn't used to, he's more familiar with the patchy asphalt road covering their usual tracks so it made his drifts awkward and dangerous. He even almost skidded away from the road when he moved his bike sideway, which he normally does perfectly.
This made him lose momentum a couple of times despite the distance being short, and with that, he crossed the finish line taking the last place.
"Minho, you're losing your streaks! Man's getting fucked tonight!"
"Damn, if you ever pass out after this, we're leaving you behind, see you on the news.”
He raised his middle fingers to his friends who kept on teasing him. Out of all of them, he really was the worst choice to do this punishment.
He grabbed the tube, inhaled and exhaled exaggeratedly, before chugging in the bitter drink.
He wasn't even halfway when he started spilling a lot of beer in his clothes. He could feel his mind slowly drifting away from the scene. The chaotic sounds behind him are starting to get muffled.
And then darkness came in.
Minho woke up with the most unforgiving headache in his entire life. Just a slight shift of his body would send the most painful spike up his head. He groaned as he shifted himself to a more comfortable position.
"Are you feeling okay?"
His body stiffened as he heard the voice behind him. It can't be.
"Min, I know you're awake. Come on, you have to drink this."
The nickname. The voice. How?
Minho slowly turned around, partly because of his hangover, but mostly because he still didn't believe his ears.
His vision was still adjusting but he could tell that it was really him. In front of him, holding a bowl that smells like ginger.
“Jisung?”
"Okay, you can still think. Can you sit up and drink this?"
Minho did what he was told. Moving like a turtle, trying his best not to put too much attention on the ache on his head. He grabbed the bowl from Jisung, but the latter didn't let go of it, scared that Minho would make a mess on the bed.
Minho didn't know that he was feeling thirsty until he swallowed the first sip. He continued to gulp down the whole thing even if it tasted horrible just to quench his thirst.
He saw Jisung grab the bowl from him and walk out of the room, only to come back with a white towel that he used to wipe Minho's mouth.
Minho was embarrassed, being taken care of like a baby, like he didn't have a mind of his own, and most especially, the one he hurt was doing it all to him.
"How did I end up here?"
"You called me last night. You were saying things I could barely understand. It was a good thing your friend seized the phone from you, and he explained to me what happened. I called Hyunjin to help me pick you up from the given location so I could bring you here."
Minho felt his cheeks redden. He passed out hard, so he really didn't know what embarrassing things he did aside from calling Jisung, but of all the things he could've done, why did he even call Jisung?
"I'm sorry to bother you. I blacked out."
"It's alright. You can stay here until you feel better. I'll be out all day anyway. Just don't let anyone in."
Minho took one final look at Jisung before tucking himself under the covers. He had so much he wanted to ask, to say, but he wasn't in the right condition to do so.
He heard the door close, and soon the house was quiet once again.
Minho didn't even realize that he had fallen in one long slumber again.
Minho woke up for the second time today, and when he peeked out the window, the sky was already dark. He's feeling a lot better than before. He stood up and he noticed that Jisung's room was smaller than his, but it was more organized, something that he'd expected from the man. He found his reflection on the mirror and noticed that he wasn't wearing his clothes from last night.
"This must be his clothes."
Minho was startled when heard the front door open. He quickly unlocked the bedroom door and he was welcomed with Jisung holding two large grocery bags between his arms.
"Let me help with that."
Minho took the bags from Jisung and settled them on the table in his kitchen. Even the interior of Jisung's living room spoke so much about him.
"I guess I better get going. Where are my clothes?"
"I threw them out. There was puke all over it. It smelled so bad, so I had to put them in the bin before my house catches the scent."
"God, I'm so sorry I made you go through all that. I'll return these clothes once I've washed them."
"It's fine, Min. You can keep them."
Jisung grabbed one of the grocery bags and walked up to the kitchen counter to refill the cupboards.
Minho was about to leave when something in the other bag caught his eye. He slowly fished it out, and to his surprise, his guess was correct.
"You smoke now?"
Minho noted how Jisung's body tensed to the question. Jisung nodded his head as an answer, not even daring to look at Minho.
Minho slowly walked up to Jisung, unsure of his movements. It's been too long that he's holding all these emotions in, and seeing Jisung for the first time since they separated, it clogged his mind of any rational thoughts.
When he was close enough, he wrapped his arms around the boy, making the younger jolt.
"Minho, what do you think you're doing?"
"Sung, let me speak. I promise after this I won't bother you anymore." And that was true. Minho had realized how much he affected Jisung, and that was the final straw.
Jisung sighed but nevertheless made Minho continue.
"I'm sorry. It should've been the first thing I told you. For what happened. For hurting you. Despite that you were still good to me, which made me guiltier."
Minho tightened his grip on Jisung's body.
"I shouldn't have left you like that, I should've listened. I should've talked to you. It bothered me how much I fucked up when I decided to leave you right there and then. But I got scared, Jisung. I was scared.
Scared that if I stay, I might've only led you onto something that we're not sure of. Scared that I'll only continue hurting you. I was scared because you were special to me. Because of how pure you were when we met, how I started changing you into something I didn't want you to be."
Minho started crying. He didn't mean to break down like this, but he did. After all, it's been months since he's kept this feelings to the world. There was no one to talk to about it, other than Jisung.
"I always viewed love as a race. Once you enter, anything can happen. And when you confessed to me, I saw that I was too far from the finish line. I saw that I was going to lose no matter what. And I hated that. I didn't want to take the risk.
But I was a big idiot. Why was I so afraid of a fucking race? I was a racer myself. I am willing to sacrifice my life just to get the thrill of racing, and if I lose? I'd do it all over again.
And I'd do it for you. Because even if I lose, I'd still win if it's you.
I just blew my chance to do so."
Minho slowly loosened his arms when Jisung held him in place.
"You said you'd do it all over again. Was that true?" Jisung asked, hands squeezing tightly against Minho's.
"Yes."
Jisung let go of Minho's hands but he slowly turned around, wiping his own set of tears to Minho's surprise.
"Will you do it now?"
"Min, I swear to god if you let go of me, I'm punching you in the face."
"Babe, just relax."
Minho and Jisung were holding hands, their free hands controlling the handlebars of the motorcycles. Minho was quite nervous because it was his friend's motorcycle but he couldn't decline to the request of his boyfriend to teach him how to ride.
"Now, try to speed up."
"I can't! Min don't fucking let go!"
But Minho did just that, making Jisung grab onto the handlebars tightly, driving for a few more meters before stopping completely.
"Oh, you're gonna get it!" He put the side stand against the ground before hopping off the bike and running fast to chase Minho.
Jisung was at a disadvantage though, because Minho made him run in circles while he drove confidently on his motorcycle.
When Jisung stopped running, Minho hit the brake as well. He walked towards Minho and Jisung started hitting him everywhere he could.
"Babe, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
He quickly wrapped his arms around Jisung, locking his arms between his sides so the attacks wouldn't continue.
"You know I'll never let anything happen to you, Sung." He said as he placed a kiss on Jisung's forehead.
They both stared at each other's eyes, just basking in the beauty of one another.
"Still scared?" Jisung asked before placing his hands on Minho's back.
Love is truly frightening. It requires a lot. Communication, trust, loyalty, and so much more. It requires mutual understanding all the time.
We love, we laugh, we hurt, we cry, there are a lot of emotions that we feel when we're in love.
Some people are afraid of love for the exact same reason. They want a relationship where it's all fun till the end.
But that's not how love works, and it never will.
There's no such thing as a perfect love, no such thing as a perfect relationship.
But true love? Now that is possible to achieve.
Jisung and Minho were lucky to find it within each other.
"With you? Never." Minho answered as he gently bumped their foreheads together.
"I love you, Min."
"And I love you more."
💖