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The amount of times that Zhou Zishu has woken up and found Wen Kexing gone is too many. He’s been forcibly taken away and comes back to Wen Kexing having sacrificed himself yet again. It leads to an embarrassing amount of times that Zhou Zishu, in the middle of the night, when the cold skin of Wen Kexing is pressed against him, he’s awake in a panic.
He’s so scared of waking up and finding the other cold. He isn’t sure he could do it. He jerks awake and checks the other’s pulse as Wen Kexing sleeps through it, huffing quietly when he’s moved and pulling Zhou Zishu against him.
It’s the first time that solidifies it as a true fear Zhou Zishu has to deal with it now.
He had woken half asleep near midnight. His body aches still in a phantom pain he isn’t used to not feeling. The nails were with him for so long he still thinks he has them, waking up and bracing himself at midnight.
Wen Kexing is usually awake when he moves, stiffening beside him. A lot of the times they both wake at the slightest movement but it’s easier now after sleeping so close together. They’re used to how the other breathes and moves in the night and aren’t on guard enough to wake at the smallest sigh.But when the other stiffens or trembles, it’s too sudden and the other blinks awake and mumbles something about being there for the other.
Usually it’s nightmares. They have a lot of regrets and trauma that haunt them still and it might not ever leave. It’s the hardest to ignore at night so they hold each other tighter. They don’t talk about it. Wen Kexing keeps what’s happening in his dreams close to his chest. It’s a misplaced fear of burdening Zhou Zishu or fear of the barest memories being the final straw that has him leaving.
Zhou Zishu doesn’t say anything though. He just runs his hands through Wen Kexing’s hair and hums quietly. Zhou Zishu had a very nice singing voice, Wen Kexing had found out when they were working on building a better hut for themselves on the mountains. It calms Wen Kexing down instantly, happy at not being asked what was happening or having to remember the pain he went through once before.
The opposite is true as Wen Kexing will start talking, telling a stupid story he had apparently heard travelling until Zhou Zishu starts becoming dead weight against his chest, relaxing against the other after being coiled tight in a mix of fear, shame, and disgust at himself.
It’s when Zhou Zishu blinks awake, feeling the bed cold next to him, patting around until he feels a hand that is just barely warm like the recently dead that he jolts upright. He had seen Wen kexing dead in a shed, another after he opened his eyes to becoming immortal and having to hold a limp Wen Kexing from falling harshly onto colder stone. This is a familiar sight, the other white haired and cold, looking like he’s sleeping but not there.
Immediately, it brings tears to his eyes, gripping onto the lapels of Wen Kexing’s sleeping robes. It’s enough to jerk him awake and soon he’s sitting upright, frowning at the tear bright eyes.
“A-Xu, what’s wrong?” he asks.
It might’ve been the wrong thing to ask because it breaks the dam and he’s shuddering, a drawn out hoarse cry of something clawing out of Zhou Zishu’s mouth that Wen Kexing cannot ever want to hear again. He wanted to break Zhou Zishu in pleasure, in happiness, never like this.
Zhou Zishu is almost inconsolable for a moment and Wen Kexing can only stare before he brings the other against his chest. He rocks them both, carding a hand through loose hair with the other holding his waist securely. It’s rare that Zhou Zishu cries. Even in pain or in the midst of being barely awake after nightmares or memories, he just huffs. He hides behind being gruff and reluctantly lets Wen Kexing hold him, his shaking betraying how much he needs the comfort.
It takes longer this time for Zhou Zishu to ever say anything. Choked sobs, barely held back by gnawing on his lips and cheeks, clutching the other like a lifeline, were all he could muster for too long. Finally though, he circles his arms around Wen Kexing, adjusting himself to sit easier between Wen Kexing’s legs.
“A-Xu…” Wen Kexing says tentatively. There’s a squeeze that tells him the other’s listening. “Care to explain what this was about?”
“...You were too cold. I couldn’t...”
There’s a pause as Wen kexing furrows his eye brows before sighing, leaning down and pressing a kiss against Zhou Zishu’s hair. He had always stayed a touch cooler now than humans should. Zhou Zishu was the same but he can admit that it most likely isn’t the easiest thing to wake up half asleep to. “If I’m cold, just come closer. It’s only because my A-Xu is so cold to me!”
“Wear more things to sleep with, idiot.”
“Why would I do that when my wonderful husband is here with me?”
“Get off, you’re ridiculous. I’ll have to go down the mountain for more blankets so you can sleep on your own, then.”
There’s a bright laugh from the other. “You act like I wouldn’t use them to tie you up, letting me enter your bed whenever I please!”
Zhou Zishu rolls his eyes, pushing against Wen Kexing’s shoulder. “Shut up already. I’m tired. I have to hear your useless talk all day, let me rest for a few hours for once.”
Wen Kexing’s smile is bright, nodding absently. “Of course. Nothing but what My Lord asks of me.”
“Who’s your lord?”
Wen Kexing laughs happily, curling around Zhou Zishu easily. “You, of course! My A-Xu is so forgiving he would even take this lowly one into his bed and let me service him!”
Zhou Zishu doesn’t say anything as he lays back. He waits until Wen Kezing has done the same before he moves, placing his head over the other’s heart and throwing a leg over Wen Kexing;s hip. It’s quiet for another while.
Neither are sleeping but just lay together. Wen Kexing is lulled by the feeling of Zhou Zishu breathing against him that he almost misses the words he mutters.
“Don’t let me wake up to your dead body again.”
Wen Kexing closes his eyes, holding the hand that’s placed over his stomach. “Can you promise me the same?”
“If you stay with me, there doesn’t have to be any sacrifice here…”
“Aiyah, we’re both so stubborn there’s no need for this conversation.”
“Lao Wen,” Zhou Zishu says. He;s uncharacteristically quiet, the grip on his hand turning bruising. “Promise me you won’t sacrifice yourself like that, making me wake up without you in this world.”
Neither are able to promise that for sure but in that moment, Wen Kexing sighs. “This mountain is peaceful. I doubt we need to make that promise to the other. If it comes down to it, I will sacrifice my life for you and you for me.”
Zhou Zishu is quiet again. Wen Kexing rolls, pulling the other into his arms completely, hiding him from the chill of the mountain. It’s an easier silence as they’re bth able to feel the other’s breath, the heartbeat of the other telling them they’re both alive for now.