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Kaidan’s realisation is…messy. Fraught. Jumbled up in a pile of other emotions that he finds himself digging through late at night, datapad in one hand and going through marine duties, caffeine-free coffee in the other.
She’s Shepard. He’s seen her face plastered over damn near everything the Alliance can think of since he was twenty-five and got sent to Elysium on clean-up duty because slavers had attacked…and Shepard had fought back.
In or out of armour, she strikes an imposing figure. A few centimetres taller than average, she feels a lot taller than that. Maybe it’s her biotics, the faint tingle of energy Kaidan feels when they get a bit too close out of armour. Like the time he helped tear off her armour after Eden Prime and that first zap caught him much farther off guard than it should.
He’s had passing interactions with other biotics in the military. Feeling another’s aura shouldn’t have been anything abnormal, but it stilled him for a good five seconds before he pushed the thought out of his head.
Her eyes drilled into him when they first met, him and Joker joking and shit-talking about who their XO was, not knowing that that very person was approaching and likely heard some of their interactions. Shepard said nothing about it, but gave both of them a very suspect look.
Kaidan narrows it down to somewhere between rescuing Liara from Therum, starting to investigate reports of missing marines, and defusing the bomb on Agebinium. Shepard had some choice words for Elanos Haliat and that was the first time Kaidan had seen her genuinely angry. She’d stormed out of the mine tunnels, biotic barrier swirling around and shotgun already in hand, and zeroed in on Haliat.
Maybe that was it. Shepard had held that fury in her eyes beyond the pickup from the Normandy, offering only curt responses to questions, and had occupied a spot in front of a punching bag for a long while. Once done she was back to her more pleasant usual self, and no further word was spoken of Haliat.
He didn’t know quite why Shepard descending upon Haliat like a vengeful Valkyrie was the moment, but it was. A display of what she could do if she put her mind to it, if she truly needed to use all the power she had in her slim frame.
And she wasn’t afraid to use it.
---
Shepard’s realisation is sudden and shocking. She’s never able to answer truthfully the question of when did you know? Because it exposes her immediate, instinctual thoughts when she hears that Kaidan might be in peril.
And the fact that it happened on Virmire, when she was left debating between who to save and who to sacrifice, was terrifying.
Her stomach sunk like someone had rolled a stone into it and for a moment she could not think. Could not decide on a course of action, a solution.
She had never been like that in her entire time in the Alliance.
She always knew what to do.
But not when Kaidan was involved.
So she did something stupid.
She sent the squad that was with her to relieve Kaidan and ordered Joker to divert the Normandy to the bomb site while she double-timed it to Ashley’s position at the AA tower.
The bomb had to go off, she reasoned. It was highly improbable, not impossible, that the geth could defuse the bomb.
That had to be defended and protected at all costs. If it guaranteed Kaidan’s survival, that was an accident. If it cost her her own life? It was a sacrifice done in the line of duty to save fellow soldiers.
She knew that wouldn’t hold water, but who cared. She’d be dead if that were to happen.
But it didn’t.
She managed to save them all, dragging Ash back onto the Normandy with just enough time for the ship to break atmo before the bomb exploded.
And with the realisation suddenly brought to life, Shepard clamped down on her interactions with Kaidan.
---
Ash’s realisation is on the Citadel, at that scenic observation point. Kaidan’s “big place” had her rolling her eyes a little, and she couldn’t help a little quip, a slight jab at him. But somehow the rapport between Shepard and Kaidan moved into something that seemed like flirting – or at least a consideration of mutual attraction, and Ashley smiled, a genuine one, an expression of an emotion she wasn’t sure she’d recoup after Eden Prime.
But Those Two Dorks (with capitals on every word) were so delicate around each other it was part amusing and part irritating. Regs and punishment for indulging in fraternization were well-known, and Those Two Dorks seemed perfectly happy to weave all over the line between professional and flirty, pulling back when they realised the territory they were in and attempting to return to neutral ground.
Attempting.
Still, Ashley couldn’t help the thoughts in her head, doubly so when news filtered through that a certain asari scientist seemed very interested in Shepard…and then a day or so later, news filtered through that Shepard had set Liara straight, apologised for any mixed signals, and made it very clear that Shepard had no interest in Liara romantically.
En route to Ilos, Ashley nudged Kaidan in what she hoped was the right direction, commenting that Kaidan was probably Shepard’s top confidant on the Normandy, and if there was anyone she’d want to hash out their plan of attack, it would be him.
He’d let out a sigh, shifted his chair back, and said “you’re right” (Ashley bit back that she always was because, no she wasn’t) and headed over to Shepard’s quarters. Neither of them ventured out for many hours, talking tactics and deciding on who to take groundside.
At least, that’s what Ashley did her best to make everyone believe.