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Clarisse ran her fingers through her ragged hair as she sighed and swung her foot upwards and kicked her opponent square in the face. He staggered back, before snarling and coming back at her with more ferocity. He lunged at her, hands outstretched as she silently side-stepped him, and sneered as he went crashing to the floor.
Amatuers, she thought cockily as she stepped back to let the man get up. He made one last desperate attempt, a high kick that was aimed at her face. She caught it midway with her hand then twisted it so he tripped and fell onto the soft blue mats that covered every inch of the karate studio she had taken a job at.
“Alright, everyone! That’s it for today, hit the showers and pack your stuff up and I’ll see you tomorrow” boomed Melati, the owner of Memukul.
He was a tall man, with tanned skin and bright brown eyes. Clarisse doubted he was anything younger than 50, but his eyes showed everlasting youth. She walked to the locker room, her heavy footsteps being drowned in the noise of teenagers packing up to leave. She roughly grabbed her bag, shouldered it, and made her way to the front of the studio.
“Bye Clarisse.” Melati smiled at her and she politely smiled back and said bye back.
She walked through the bustling streets of Arizona on a Sunday morning, her shoulders set back in a show of confidence, and her lips holding the prideful smirk that made anyone think twice before coming up to her. After a short walk, she reached her apartment.
The apartment wasn’t anything huge. A dingy one-room apartment that was supposed to house two, but barely left any room for anyone else. When you walked in there was just a smack of everything but also pretty much..nothing. A ratty couch, that was in okay condition but only because Clarisse's roommate learned to sew just for the purpose of fixing the couch over and over. Beside it was a box that stood in place for a side table, and it held some wilting wildflowers in a small pot. There was a folding table with a red cloth over it in place of a dining table, and two folding chairs were tucked in neatly. Right behind the table was a kitchen, with a smooth granite countertop. Not that anyone could really notice that, every inch of the countertop had something on it. Textbooks, pens, bottle caps that Clarisse’s roommate wanted to cash in, and chopsticks. So many chopsticks. Clarisse’s roommate loved Chinese food, and who was she to stop them because she probably liked it more than them.
Just then, her beloved roommate walked in.
“Hey Clari” Chris kissed her cheek before slumping down on the couch.
She smiled and then sat down beside him.
“What’s wrong?” she said, hugging him quickly before pulling away and sitting back.
He paused for a moment before leaning his head on her shoulder.
“Nothing, work is just a pain in the, um”
“Pain in the a-” Clarisse started but Chris shushed her
“Pain in the head”
She snickered and sat back further. Chris worked a part-down job at a tire repair shop. It paid well, but sometimes, as Chris said, “the job’s pay didn’t come close to the number of rude customers that came”. After a moment of long yet comfortable silence, Chris slid over to Clarisse.
“Can I have a kiss?” he asked, shyly.
Clarissa tried to hold back her laugh but it erupted out of her; her laugh was just as big as she was and was contagious. But not this time. Chris just laughed nervously, the one you have to force out so you don’t embarrass yourself. She then realized her mistake and quickly apologized.
“I’m sorry, I just didn’t see why you have to ask me for that. But thank you for asking” she said and kissed him gently.
Just as she broke away to take a deep breath, Chris pulled her back in and she was drowning. Drowning in the sensation of his lips, drowning in the fact that this man, this man was all hers and drowning in his soft lips, drowning in just him. She pulled away and rested her forehead to his.
“I love you, Clari,” he said, running his hands down her back.
“I love you too,” she said and kissed his forehead.
She then moved back and sat down. Chris’s face fell and he slumped.
“What’s wrong?” she asked him as he looked up.
“Why..” he asked and then shook his head, mustering confidence.
“Clari... I want to take it to the next level.”
She felt her body still, it chilled her to her core when she realized what Chris was talking about.
No No No she thought, moving back. He would hate her all because she-
“Clari?” Chris reached over and placed a hand on her cheek, “What did I say..?”
She pulled away.
“I... I can’t take it to the next level..” she muttered and Chris inhaled sharply.
“Is it because I don’t um... Because I don’t make you feel good enough..” he bit his lip nervously.
Clarisse shook her head fervently.
“Then..? Am I lacking something?” he gulped nervously at the end.
She breathed in. If she was going to continue a relationship with Chris she needed to tell him.
“Chris. I.. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner and I should have before but I don't experience sexual attraction..to anyone. I’m asexual.”
Chris looked like he’d been shocked with 100 volts of electricity.
“I’m sorry..” she whispered in an attempt to make him understand with all her heart that she truly was.
He nodded and got up. “Just.. just give me some time please..”
She nodded and watched as Chris left, her heart breaking into pieces and she closed her eyes to submerge herself in the pain.
-
Clarisse woke up on the couch and was surprised to see that she was in Chris’s lap. She turned upwards, so her eyes could look into his.
“Chris..” she murmured, the fear from before waking her up like a bucket of ice-cold water.
He smiled at her.
“I-I’m sorry for the way I reacted.” he brushed off a piece of her hair from her forehead. “All this time.. I thought I wasn’t good enough, I thought I was making a mistake.” he paused and rubbed her forehead with his thumbs softly.
“But.. after thinking for a while I understood. I can’t force myself onto you, or ask you to have sex with me to see if you’ll like it. I understand that you don’t feel sexual attraction to ANYONE and that probably won’t change. I did some research to understand more about how you're feeling and.. I’ve just realized that sex isn’t something everyone needs in a relationship. It’s not crucial to just... Us. I love you and I love every inch of you and I know I don’t need sex to make that stronger. Having you is just perfect.” he finished with a gentle smile and brushed his thumbs against her cheeks.
“I love you and that’s all that's important to me,” he said, pulling her close.
Clarisse tried, she tried so hard but the tears just came rushing out, overflowing and for once she didn’t want to stop them. She was loved, she was truly loved and not for her body at all, but for HER. And most of all she was accepted. She was valid in the eyes of the person who she loved the most.
She pulled him down so he was lying down too, and pulled him close.
“I love you, Chris. I love you so much.” she softly said, smiling at him. He smiled and nuzzled into her.
And they stayed like that, for who knows how long. They stayed in the warmth of the other, just loving the other for who they were. Accepting the other. Clarisse doesn’t know when she fell asleep, but when she did she knew that she was warm, on the inside. So warm and she was melting, in the arms of the person who she knew she would always be valid to.
Her Chris.