Chapter Text
Never needed any reason to find deliverance; like a cancer running through my veins, oh, it's never gonna give in. See them march like lambs to the slaughter; toy soldiers line up on the altar. I was never meant to drink that water; they'll remember me, when I'm underground. Heavy is the crown.
Owen doesn’t expect the doorbell to ring at three in the afternoon, nor does he expect to open it and find the one and only Michelle Blake standing on the other side.
“Michelle…” He stares at her for a minute, like he’s forgotten who she is, like he doesn’t know how to breathe.
And maybe that’s because the sight of her standing there dressed in leggings and a baggy t-shirt and looking beautiful as always makes his heart skip a beat.
But there’s also a fierceness in her eyes, one that tells him she isn’t here for any other reason than to kick his ass up one side and down the other.
“Can I come in?” He guessed that maybe they were beyond pleasantries at this point and he sighed, stepping back to allow her to step inside the quiet house.
“Um… sure.” It was the first time she had been here in God knows how long and it felt strange, like he was living in another time, back before things got, complicated.
“Good.” She crossed her arms over her chest as she stopped in the middle of the living room, staring him down with dark eyes and a look that would surely have broken him had he been a lesser man. “We need to talk.”
“We need to… excuse me…” He didn’t know who she thought she was, but this was not how you entered someone’s house and spoke to them. “You've been incommunicado for, what, months now? And you wanna talk?”
“Phone works both ways Owen…” Well, okay, yes, yes it did.
But that didn’t stop the fact that she hadn’t picked it up once in however long it had been either.
“Pot, kettle…” Why had everyone expected him to be the one to reach out?
“That's not why I'm here.” She let out a sigh as her arms dropped to her sides, her head shaking back and forth, likely at him.
“Then why?” Because really, he was curious.
“Carlos called me.” He wasn’t surprised, the man was her best-friend after all, and according to TK, they still talked almost every day.
“Carlos?” So he wasn’t sure what this had to do with him exactly.
“And Judd. And TK. And Tommy…” Again, they were all her friends, and with the exception of TK, they had been her friends long before he had arrived in Austin.
They were allowed to call her, and apparently, she was allowed to call them back.
“For what reason may I ask?” He ran a hand through his hair as he contemplated what he was supposed to say or ask, he still didn’t understand how this had anything to do with him.
“They're worried about you.” She whispered, her head lifting up as she locked eyes with him.
“Oh for Christ’s sake.” He really couldn’t believe them, hadn’t they already hashed this out and moved on. “I thought we were over this!”
“Well, you're not.” But apparently not because if they were calling in Michelle, they had clearly all given up on him.
“So they called you. Why?” He knew why, but he wasn’t going to give her the benefit of telling her to face why that was.
“Because once upon a time you listened to me.” Okay, yes, for the most part he did anyway.
And when he didn’t listen to her the first time, he normally learned to regret it.
Like when he had punched Dustin in the face before getting the full story.
That situation could’ve ended much worse than it did.
“That's because I was scared of you.” In reality, he was terrified of her.
He had never met a woman like her, not once in his fifty years of living had he come across a woman like Michelle Blake.
Had he been twenty years younger she may have just been lucky enough to have been the second Mrs. Strand.
“Well it's time to start being scared of me again.” He didn’t even know what that meant but judging by the way she looked at him, he was in trouble.
“Excuse me?” But maybe, maybe she was exactly the kind of trouble that he needed.
“You need therapy Owen.” Until those dreaded words left her mouth.
He couldn’t believe that she was on their side.
“What I need is a drink.” He headed toward the liquor cabinet but stopped when Michelle reached out and grabbed his hand, spinning him toward her with a huff.
“No. No more alcohol.” Say what?
He couldn’t do this, any of this, without alcohol.
Especially not if she was going to be back in his life.
“Okay. Who the hell are you and what have you done with Michelle Blake, tequila queen?” There was a day when she used to be able to drink him under the table, so hearing her say ‘no’ to alcohol was not something Owen ever expected.
“I'm still me Owen, but I hear that you're not very, you, anymore.” He sighed as he dropped his hand from her grasp, scrubbing at his face slowly.
“What does that even mean?” He growled out, his eyes closing as he stood rigid in the hallway.
He couldn’t believe it had come down to this.
“You're going through something.” No shit sherlock.
“Um yeah, several stages of confusion as to why you're standing in my living room in, what I'm going to assume is your workout gear, lecturing me on getting therapy.” Not that he didn’t appreciate the look, because damn was it working for him, but he still didn’t understand why she was here.
“You're such an ass.” She growled out as she kicked her foot against the floor.
“Thank you.” He offered her what he hoped was a charming smile, but she simply rolled her eyes and huffed.
“That was not a compliment about your ass Owen, that was a dig, at you.” He didn’t understand why she felt the need to get so hostile all of a sudden, my goodness.
“A dig? For what reason?” She used to be his friend, now she was acting like the enemy.
What the hell had changed?
“Because you're screwed up.” He had hadn’t he?
“Gee thanks.” He knew that, he knew that better than anyone, didn’t they realize this?
He wasn’t a stranger to all the fucked up things he had done recently, but he was trying, that had to count for something.
“Oh for God’s sake Owen, you can't even admit that you've messed up?” Not out loud he couldn’t, not yet. “You're honestly gonna stand there and look me in the eyes and tell me that you haven't fucked up everything about your life since, oh say, May of 2020…”
“If you're insinuating what I think you are, stop.” He knew she was going to bring up Gwyn and their, fling, but he didn’t want to go there, not with Michelle of all people.
“Owen, you need help.” Once again, he knew that.
“I'm fine.” But he would never admit it out loud, he couldn’t.
He was supposed to be strong and brave and fierce.
A force to be reckoned with.
Not somebody who fell apart like this.
“Did you call and reschedule your surgery?” He was going to have some words with whoever had told her about that whole ordeal.
“No. I was gonna do that…” And he had a feeling those words were going to start with his very own son.
“When? Now?” She started looking around the room, her eyes searching for what he didn’t know. “Because now sounds like a good time… where’s your phone?”
“I am not doing it right this second.” He sighed as he reached down and grabbed his phone out of his back pocket, making sure that she didn’t try and make a dive for it.
“And why the hell not?” He didn’t feel like it was necessary, that was why.
“Because…” But he couldn’t get those words out, not even in front of her.
“Because why?” Which was a hard thing to accept because there had been a time when she was the only person in the world that he could be honest with.
“Because this is weird okay?” He hadn’t wanted to say it, he really hadn’t, but there it was.
This whole thing was weird.
Seeing her again, talking to her like this, it was just downright strange.
“Weird? You wanna know what weird is Owen? Weird is when you think you’ve made a connection with someone, you think they’re your friend and that you can trust them. That maybe they even like you a little, because God knows you like them.” Oh really now? “And then you leave for a few weeks to take care of some stuff, and come back, and… nothing. It’s like fucking crickets over here.”
“Michelle…” He stepped forward but she stuck her hand out and fixed him with a glare.
“No Owen.” Oh shit, he’d fucked up. “Weird is when I hear from everyone else in our group of our friends, and I mean everyone, except for you. For 9 whole months…”
“It hasn’t been nine months…” Had it?
“Yes, yes it has. I had to find out that you were going to be a father again from Tommy. And that you were in remission from Marjan.” That couldn’t be possible, had he really not told her any of those things? “And guess who told me the wonderful news that the baby wasn’t yours? Nancy. That’s right Owen, I know all about your life over the past nine months and not a word of it has come from you.”
“Michelle…” He couldn’t believe that that was the case, there was no way.
Surely he had texted her a few times, right?
“So if you wanna talk about weird, let’s talk about it.” Her hands went to her hips and he swallowed as she moved closer, stopping to stand directly in front of him as she stared him down.
This wasn’t going to end well for him.
“You’re standing awfully close.” He didn’t know why he was whispering, except for the fact that he was a little scared.
No sense in lying about it now.
“Does it bother you?” She gave him a look that he suspected was supposed to scare him, but instead, it turned him on.
“No. No I actually find it kind of hot…” The growl she let out before she shoved his chest playfully made him chuckle.
“Oh God Owen, really…” He loved that he could still get under her skin.
“What?” Playing innocent was something he was good at with her and he knew it always worked.
“I’m trying to be forceful and scary and you’re more worried about getting in my pants…” Well, I mean, had she looked at herself in those pants, because damn were they working for him.
“I never said that. You said that.” He pointed at her as she stomped away, stopping by the front door before turning to face him.
“Call the damn doctor Owen.” Her voice was soft and he could hear the pain in her words.
He knew that this was hurting the people around him and he hated it.
But yet, the pain that it was causing him was even worse.
“Why?” He just couldn’t bring himself to go through with it.
“Because there isn’t a single person around you that enjoys watching you suffer.” The softness of her tone, the way her shoulders slumped as she ran a hand through her hair, it made his heart break a little.
He couldn’t believe he had been stupid enough to let her walk away.
“Really? Could’ve fooled me.” He knew deep down that that wasn’t true.
He knew that his friends loved him and wanted him to be okay.
“Not a one Owen.” And did she, because, well, frankly, he was pretty sure she knew everything. “So stop the damn pity party and make the damn appointment.”
“What if it goes wrong?” He choked out the question, watching as she took a few steps toward him as she wracked her brain for the words to say.
“What if it doesn’t? What if they get it all and everything is fine?” Once again, she had a point. “What if, for once in your life, you stop feeling sorry for yourself and man up and do the right thing.”
“That’s just not my style…” He could at least admit that he was a jackass.
“Clearly.” But she wasn’t impressed, judging by the eyeroll and the huff.
“Why did you come over here Michelle? Huh?” He had a feeling he knew why, but he wasn’t going to go there without confirmation. “Nine months of no contact and you just show up at my door. Something tells me that a call from Carlos wasn’t what made you come here.”
“No, but a call from your son was…” That wasn’t the answer that he was expecting and it hit him like a freight train, causing him to stumble slightly, his hand reaching out for the back of the couch.
“TK called you?” Why in the world would TK go to her?
He had told him and Carlos that he would reschedule the surgery.
Did they really not believe him?
“He’s worried about you Owen.” Michelle’s words were hard to hear, his brain finally taking in just what she was saying. “You spend all this time looking after him, looking after the team, but you won’t look after yourself. He figured I was the last line of defense.”
“He wrote me off mighty quick.” He couldn’t believe it, it had only been a day since he had seen them.
“Well the apple didn’t fall far from the tree then did it?” She huffed out as she moved toward him.
“He’s mad?” He knew he was mad, hell, everyone knew TK was mad, but for him to reach out to anyone, let alone Michelle, that said something.
“He’s worried.” Yeah, okay, he got that.
“No, he’s mad and he’s dragging everyone else into it.” He refused to believe that and he didn’t need her believing it too.
“Owen! Stop!” She was mad, race red, hands shaking, eyes filling with tears mad. “He’s scared of losing you, okay. And honestly, he isn’t the only one.”
Now that, that was a lie.
“I wouldn’t do something stupid.” He would never go that far, she had to know that.
“I never said you would.” The fear behind her eyes told him differently though.
“You’re implying it.” She definitely thought he was going to do something stupid one of these days and he could tell.
“I’m implying that not removing the tumor increases your risk of the cancer coming back exponentially, and you know this.” Well if she was going to get all medical on him then he had already lost the fight. “I’m also implying that you may not think you’re being reckless, but I’ve seen you after one too many shots of tequila, after back to back seventy two hour shifts. How long until you make a mistake that costs you your life? Or that of the life of someone around you?”
“I don’t see what this has to do with anything.” He was starting to get angry now and that wasn’t what he wanted.
He didn’t want to lose her again.
“Self-destructive behavior Owen, look it up.” She pushed herself away from him and rolled her eyes.
“I’m not self-destructive.” She had to know that, God he needed her to know that.
“I beg to differ.” She whispered, wiping at her face as she headed toward the door once more.
“So you came here to tell me that I’m being reckless?” He started after her, his hands itching to get a hold of her.
He could just get her to look him in the eye she would see that he meant what he was saying.
“I came here to tell you to stop being stupid before you do something reckless.” The words were like a dagger to the chest and he sighed as he stopped in his tracks. “You need help Owen. You need to stop running from it.”
“I don’t need help.” He shook his head because he was right and she was wrong.
He didn’t need help.
“You spent all those hours forcing Judd into therapy. You dragged TK’s butt to NA and AA and therapy appointments for how many weeks before he gave in and started doing it for himself? You made me, of all people, see a department shrink.” She had to go and bring that one up didn’t she?
Couldn’t they just let that go?
“That was warranted…” She had almost gotten herself, and him, killed at her scene because she wasn’t focused.
She could’ve gotten at least a dozen innocent people killed as well.
He had to write a report about it, he had to sit in front of a group of his superiors and defend her up and down because he wasn’t going to let her go down for this.
They had demanded she be fired.
He had offered up a counter offer: mandatory counseling with a department shrink and a two week suspension.
They had agreed, but Michelle hadn’t been so accepting.
“That’s not the fucking point Owen!” She threw her hands in the air and he was taken back to nine months ago when he had had to tell her the news following said meeting. “Jesus Christ TK was right. They were all right. Talking to you is like talking to a toddler.”
“I resent that.” He was nothing like a toddler.
“Good.” She reached for the door handle and yanked it open, stepping over the threshold before he could reach her.
“Are you leaving?” It was kind of obvious that that was exactly what she was doing, but he didn’t want that.
He wanted her to come back inside.
“Are you gonna call and make the appointment?” He sighed as he let his head hang forward, the sound of her footsteps hitting the wood of the front porch breaking his heart in two. “That’s what I thought. Goodbye Owen.”
And just like that, she was gone.
Again.