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Nobara was a collected, reasonable human. She often displayed temperament akin to a calm breeze, just lulling through existence, bringing a sense of placidity. She was rarely disposed to frantic speculation, drama and/ or hysterics. She was always very careful and measured in her reaction. Only trouble is, everything said above is Nobara’s absurd perception of herself, which was not just an absolute joke, but also a great contrast to what she was in the midst of doing.
“I’m telling you sensei, it was him!” Nobara clapped back at what was clearly a firm denial from Gojo.
Gojo folded his hand and sunk his head into himself, despondently nodding, while Nobara clucked around trying to get Gojo’s complete attention.
“Will you listen to me, you distracted man-child!” Nobara wanted to yell but settled for “Sensei! You know and I know we have to stage an intervention, like now!”
“I was sure giving you those American sit-coms for curse energy practice was a bad idea” Gojo whined.
“WILL YOU TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY OR NOT” she finally flipped as she balled her hand into a fist, flailing it violently over Gojo’s face.
Gojo made a soft annoyed mew, circling Nobara in disbelief.
“Did you see see him? Or did you see someone like him and presumed it was him when actually… it was Nanami?”
If Nobara’s eyes could’ve rolled further, it would be staring at her brain fuming at the supposedly strongest sorcerer’s innate stupidity. “Sensei, never before have I wanted to kill you more and believe me, I have wanted to kill you a LOT. Do you really think, I would mistake Megumi for NANAMI?! For starters, there was no additional eye gear on him!”
“It’s just…I didn’t raise him to be a…philanderer. I would’ve said fuckboy but you’re a child.”
“you just said fuckboy.”
“why are you saying fuckboy again and again. Sheesh, Kugisaki, you need to ween off those magazines for a bit”.
“If you think I’m as easily distracted as Yuuji, you have to be as stupid as him.”
Gojo had to retire his shenanigans if he were to live, because he swore, he felt a malicious presence wielding a hammer floating near him. She couldn’t blame him entirely though; Megumi was meant to be the good one. Sure, he was a delinquent and sure he was notorious for being a slighty self-destructive lunatic, but still, the good one. He was the moral compass of the group and possibly, the one thing holding them from committing regular vandalism.
Ever since she had heard or rather was loudly told by Yuuji “hey Kugisaki, Megumi and I are a thing!” Nobara had had difficulty coping. Here was Megumi, defacto leader of the Zenin, intelligent sorcerer, very easy on the eye and he was with Yuuji? The human gerbil? So maybe her way of placating this unease was rationalizing that Megumi had to have some serious flaws! But this was difficult even in her narrative.
And so naturally, it would upset Gojo and Nobara if they were confronted with evidence that their saving grace, had fallen from grace.
“I think I raised him too sexy” Gojo confessed.
“Are you real?” Nobara grunted .
“Clearly, he’s the one who has spent most of his time with me, and so the oozing sex appeal is a natural consequence of company.”
“Wouldn’t mind that damn box right now” she gestured to Gojo.
“Alright, we’ll talk to Yuuji once he’s back.”
Nobara agreed before pacing the ground, trying to prepare what she was going to tell Yuuji. She knew she was definitely going to be flying solo. She would allow Gojo to throw a few of his Gojoisms, add occasional flavor, but the matter at hand was beyond Gojo’s complete comprehension. He probably would crack an inappropriate joke about how Yuuji’s brotherly harem sent Megumi running for the hills, well maybe not the hills, but a peak? Nobara immediately chided her own mind for the suggestive euphemism. She too, had been spending too long with Gojo.
At corner of his eye, Gojo noticed a pink haired bobble, approaching them at his usual automobile speed. Yuuji crashed into Nobara while brandishing a caramel apple, two nanaimo bars and a bag of wasabi peanuts at her. He teased her with it, but Nobara wasn’t angered nor enticed, and that immediately drew the smile off Itadori’s face. He glanced at Gojo, who looked a little slumped. Now Itadori was really concerned.
“What happened guys, why do you guys look so glum?” he poked Nobara’s shoulder before darting to Gojo and peering into his eye(band)
“Yuuji, we need to talk” Gojo gestured, as him and Nobara gathered around him, egging him to sit.
“We think Megumi is cheating on you”.
Yuuji’s eyes widened, like a deer between headlights, almost looking like he heard a different language. “I don’t understand”.
“the poor thing is shell-shocked” Gojo wept.
“I noticed him going to someone’s house last week. I thought it was weird that Megumi has…more friends. So, I snooped around and asked if he was with any senpais; he wasn’t. Then I followed him again and he went to the same house again, everyday for over a week. And noticed a man through the window…” Nobara’s head sank apologetically. “I’m sorry Yuuji” she finished weakly.
Yuuji stood, heard Nobara out, his eyes dipped in intensity. He was imbibing each word and expression Nobara was espousing. He stood silently and Nobara thought it right, to give him time. Yuuji quietly turned to Gojo, who leaned in to hear Yuuji whisper.
…
“You think it’s because of the sushi body shots I did off him last month?”
Nobara’s face churned as she controlled the urge to projectile vomit into the bush nearby.
“Itadori, please. Too much information…” she moaned as Gojo shook his head violently at an Itadori who had obviously not registered Nobara’s repulsion.
“I told you that you should’ve gone with roleplay or something” Gojo said all knowingly.
“Since when did you start offering such advice!” Nobara shrieked only for Yuuji’s response to distress her further.
“I asked him Nobara, I wasn’t too sure about the whole thing and Megumi is way weirder in private and I felt like I had to catch up and I didn’t know anyone with less inhibition and more perversion than sensei so I went to him”
“Must I remind you Nobara that you are all now 18 and consenting adults!”
“…Anyway! None of that has any bearing on what we’re trying to tell you about! It’s about your agency Yuuji!” Nobara insisted, trying to move past the topic that for some absurd reason, should’ve alarmed more people, but in fact only made her brain splatter against a wall.
“My what?” Yuuji cricked his head like a Labrador being taught a new command.
“Agency! You have to independently act for your good. You can’t bring in blame and try to pin this on something you did. No! It is his action and nothing that you do can push him. Like I said, agency!”
“Why does she keep saying that?” Yuuji furtively told Gojo, lest both of them get a telling off.
“Alright so when he’s here you tell him straight. Tell him what you feel”. Nobara took on a power stance and it seemed to have prodded Yuuji into action as well.
“Yes! I’m going to tell him! I’m going to tell him that he summons that damn dog in his sleep like and that sometimes, he’s not even cuddling me anymore!”
“Megumi is quite handsy eh?” Gojo smirked.
“You wouldn’t even imagine. And that dog is like Pikachu, can’t just remain in for once!”
“Yuuji! Can you stop being a moron!” Nobara slapped his head with a folded Cosmopolitan, as he groaned.
“Fine! But I just don’t believe you Nobara, I’m sorry! Sure, you saw him go somewhere or something, but Megumi isn’t like that. He’s really serious about things. In fact, he’s so serious, the other day I saw his laptop search history and it was all about newly-wed taxes and when I asked him if he was looking that up for us, he said- no don’t be silly, I’m understanding eventualities and possibilities . The man doesn’t have porn in his hard disk!”
Nobara wanted to chide him on his rose-tinted view of Fushiguro as the man of the hour walked in himself.
“Now this might be fun” said Gojo, being the resident asshole who doesn’t know when to quit “Megumi-chan! Be a doll and hurry up here, will you?” you knew Gojo’s eye’s twinkled when he said that, even through the cloth.
“Don’t ever call me Megumi-chan again and I need to do something before I join you guys” Fushiguro flatly said.
“No! we need to talk and confront you about something Fushiguro! Actually, Yuuji does! Actually, no, you owe us all an explanation!”
Nobara’s words were cut short but Yuuji surreptitiously grabbing what appeared to be a take-out in Fushiguro’s hands.
“Hey! Food! What’d you get?”
“Don’t get distracted by food, you human golden retriever!”
Megumi scampered to get the bag back in his hands and turned away in what appeared to be a fluster.
“What’s in there Megumi-chan” Gojo purred, knowing full well, Megumi had no intention of sharing neither the contents of the bag, nor the origin story. And yet, he nudged the simpleton to follow Megumi like a puppy insisting “hey, Megumi, show me” “hey, how about now” “hey, Megumi!”
Megumi’s growing aneurysm was becoming more and more visible before he finally snapped.
“I was HOPING to share this with you ALONE and not when these two were around, but you annoying shits just can’t let me catch a breath can you! Here!” he thrusted the bag at Yuuji, while the red of the anger was being slowly replaced with a different red.
Yuuji opened the container to see a shiny brothy ramen, as he tried to figure out where the takeout was from.
“It’s not a takeout…” Megumi said, nearly burying his face into his collar.
Yuuji made a feral squeak with near tears forming around his eyes as he immediately sprung into a hug, while shoving his face into Megumi’s, who was already blushing into the floor. Gojo audibly gasped when he said, “You cooked that?! The last time you cooked they thought a grade 1 curse blew up the place.”
Megumi who was just recovering from Yuuji’s affectionate assault nodded despite the snarky remark.
“I was taking cooking lessons before Yuuji’s birthday. Since he’s the one who teaches me to cook all the time, I thought I’d return the favour…”
Yuuji’s delight grew no bounds as he kept swirling Megumi around, grinning from ear to ear, almost displaying him mouthing “Yeah I tap this bloke”.
“So, what was she saying?” He asked Yuuji.
“Something about agency” Yuuji grabbed Megumi before frisking him off to their room, leaving Gojo sneering at a visibly upset Nobara.
“I think we’ve learned a lesson today” Gojo chuckled almost too happily as he noticed Nobara’s sheepish smile return.
“I was just looking out for the moron alright? Maybe I jumped it and maybe, my source for all information shoudn’t be the agony aunt section in Cosmo”
“It’s alright, they know you mean well” Gojo said as he strung his hand across her shoulder, guiding her across the courtyard.
“Hey Nobara, have we had the birds and bees talk. I don’t want you to feel left out since I frequently give the boys advice about this. So, when a man and woman or a man and a man, or in your case a woman and a woman love each other…”
Kugisaki learnt about three lessons that day, one of which definitely included how everything innocent thing was actually an innuendo; the other two were certainly more important but not after 20 mins with Gojo Satoru.