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They had finished working for the day, Sarah had put the boys to bed and left them to sit on the back porch.
“I really do appreciate you letting me spend the night here.” Bucky said.
“I’m not letting your sad old ass go to a hotel.” Sam smiled in a way Bucky hadn’t seen since Steve.
As they sat together Bucky reached into his pocket and pulled out a case and a lighter. As he lit the joint he offered it to Sam, who looked surprised but accepted and took the first puff.
“Why do you even have this? Can you get high?” He was laughing now.
“It helps me fall asleep, ignore the nightmares.” Bucky took a lungful now, “Gotta say it’s a lot better than the trash we smoked in the 40’s.”
“I’m glad you’re actually finding solutions instead of just punishing yourself man, that shit isn’t healthy. And don’t think I’m gonna gloss over the fact that you smoked weed eighty years ago, how the hell did you even find weed in New York back then?” Sam was loose and comfortable as he talked, the joyful tone washing over Bucky and making him smile too.
“I was a lot of fun before Steve got cool, I’ll have you know. Total life of the party, belle of the ball.” He passed the joint back to Sam, eyes soft.
“You’re not that bad.” Sam knocked their shoulders together then took another hit.
“I don’t know, I’ve been a huge dick to you the past few years.” Bucky left their shoulders touching, it felt grounding.
“I figure for a hundred something year old white guy you’re doing alright.”
“Is that counting the assassining and avengering, or just my shining personality?”
“Ok you fucking sob story, I just meant that, yeah, you piss me off but that’s because you’re ignorant. When you’re not making me want to bash my head through a wall I know you at least mean to leave the world better than you found it.” Sam passed the joint back and wouldn’t look at him anymore.
Bucky took a second to stare at the glowing ember his next drag reinvigorated, “Like what specifically would you say I’m ignorant about that pisses you off if I were to, hypothetically, try and be less ignorant.” He didn’t want to turn and see if Sam was looking now.
Sam huffed a heavy sigh and grabbed the joint back. “Like you not understanding why I would be upset about Isaiah or how taking up the shield is different for me then it was for Steve or it would be for you. The whole ‘color-blind’ thing that doesn’t fix racism just ignores it.” Sam was tense next to him, like his whole body was prepared for an attack if Bucky took this wrong.
“Shit. Of course, you’re right. I screwed that one and it’s on me, thank you for telling me. I’m sorry, I didn’t even think about that affecting your choice.” Bucky almost brained himself with his metal arm and sunk back onto the step a fraction deeper.
Sam was quiet for a while, then Bucky started coughing on the smoke Sam blew into his face. “Stop looking so much like white guilt, that’s not cool to do to me, and it’s a shit move to pull on yourself too, just accept the criticism and get better.” Bucky laughed a little sadly at that.
“Alright, but can I give you a little tough love?” Sam eyed him but didn’t stop him. “You’re a really empathetic guy but you gotta stop taking on everyone’s problems, be selfish for once, you’re not the world’s therapist. I don’t mean that I’m not appreciative of your help with my whole… everything, but if you spend all your time worrying about everyone else when are you gonna do something for you.” Bucky was leaned back on his elbows at this point, looking up through the trees at the stars.
Sam was outright staring, Bucky could see in his peripheral vision. He slowly sucked life out of the joint and before he could blow out the smoke, Bucky was there. He aligned their lips, almost touching, and shotgunned the last of the smoke. He leaned back after that, smoke trailing from his own mouth but the gauntlet had been tossed. Sam followed his mouth waiting for a rejection before he inched forward to actually connect their lips.
He was so gentle, like he thought one wrong move might break the super soldier, and maybe it would. Bucky felt fragile in this kiss, like he was a tiny ball of light that a breath would shatter, he didn’t know if he could stand being kissed like this, like he was precious. Bucky responded, gliding their lips together with equal tenderness, keeping the kiss chaste in case Sarah came looking for them. Sam was leaned over Bucky with a hand planted by his metal shoulder and Bucky stroked his hand down Sam’s side, their lips parted.
“That was, uhh, nice, good, nice.” Sam was jumbling words out.
“Mhm.” Bucky still had his eyes closed adjusting his worldview to include the fragile part of himself Sam had just created.
Sam was so quiet both men were sure they could hear the boys snoring.
“So, are we uhhh?” Bucky trailed off not sure what he wanted to ask.
“We’re, ahem, still working together?” Sam had to clear his throat to get out the thought.
“Not necessarily as a team,”
“Nope.”
“We’re not that good.”
“Definitely not.”
“We’re professionals,”
“Definitely.”
“And, uh, we’re partners,” Bucky sounded hopeful.
“Co-workers,” Sam corrected.
“But we’re also a couple of guys with a mutual friend.”
“Friend’s now gone.”
“So we’re a couple of guys.”
“I can live with that,”
“Perfect.” Bucky thought this made a wonderful beginning.